[NOT SO] HAPPY HOLIDAYS -- NELL

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Having already agreed on impulse to spend Christmas with his family, Joshua was now pacing Nell's small apartment (and avoiding the soft spot in the floor) and trying to decide whether or not to invite the girl herself along. He knew that Nell was trying her best to appear normal and act like her usual self but he had noticed how her enthusiasm for things had died down. If this had been before the trial had sucked the life out of her he would have asked without question and not have been worried about what she was going to do if she declined. Unfortunately, it was not. He didn't want her to spend the day alone because looking back, her first Christmas of freedom should be just as special as the prom. At least she enjoyed that. He had made a good decision there and he was relieved because of it. He'd worried at first when he'd persuaded her to go that something would end up happening to make Nell resent him. He'd went more for her sake than his, after all. She still doesn't know that. She also didn't know that the little hints he dropped about food every now and then were entirely intentional. He planned to keep it that way for as long as he could--he didn't want something to happen that screwed up their relationship. To go through the hell of the trial with her only to break up because of her depression seemed like a shitty way to go. He wanted things to last between them.

Though he did suspect that it was depression, it wasn't until he found the pills that this was confirmed. He was cleaning up the kitchen after he'd made breakfast (he certainly wasn't going to make Nell clean up after him) when he noticed that there was nothing left in one of the bottles of solution. Hmm. Maybe she keeps extra under the sink? He didn't find what he was looking for but instead found an orange bottle of... of what, exactly? These are pills. What the hell? A stirring feeling of unease swept through him. Please don't tell me she has some addiction I don't know about. He could deal with the prolonged period of abstinence, as frustrated as it made him. He could deal with her mood after the trial as long as he could make her eat something. He could deal with the fact that it might take a few months to get out of her funk. But drugs? Hesitantly, Joshua's hand closed around the bottle and he turned it around to read the label. Prozac. Oh. They were drugs, but they were thankfully not the kind that he had been expecting. From the amount left in the bottle it didn't seem like she'd been taking them daily and it also seemed like she'd been trying to hide them. She certainly hadn't mentioned anything to him about any prescriptions. What should he do about it? Tell her that he knew?

No, Joshua decided, glancing around surreptitiously before setting them back where he'd found them and closing the cupboard to return to what he was doing. After he finished clearing up he went into the main area of the apartment and looked over to where his girlfriend was asleep. Poor Nell. It must have been pretty tough on her. He'd never suffered from clinical depression but he knew what it was like to go through a couple days of it at a time. Having that feeling constantly was not fun. I should get her to come with me. She might not feel up to it but he wanted to distract her from whatever it was that was on her mind. "Nell," he said--quietly enough so as not to scare her awake but loud enough to be audible. Nudging her shoulder a little, he called her name again. "Are you getting up soon? I wanted to ask you something." He had to confirm whether he'd be going alone or not by tomorrow and so it was better late than never. He probably shouldn't have put off asking for so long but he hadn't been sure of how to approach the subject. "My parents have invited us--the both of us--to spend Christmas at the house," he said carefully. "Are you coming?"

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell’s plans for the holidays had been simple. She’d go see her friends, give them presents, and spend quiet evenings alone and sleeping. This year, she didn’t want to deal with the chaotic mess holiday shopping and preparation could turn into—she wasn’t up for it. She believed that she wouldn’t have to worry about anything else, until her father had called her and she actually picked up the phone. ”Do you want to come over for Christmas?” The question made her hesitate. Christmas with her father, like they were an actual family. ”Maybe…not Christmas day. Sometime after?” She hopedh er nervous didn’t show through, but he could probably tell. This was her father, he knew her. And he really was trying his best to make them seem like a family, to do family things together. Like celebrate Christmas. She knew that it was not the answer he’d wanted, but he simply told her, ”All right.” Nell tried not to think of one fact that broke her heart—her father would be spending Christmas day alone. She closed her eyes against that thought. After saying that, she felt worse than usual, even though she promised herself that she would see him the exact day after. Because she would be spending Christmas alone as well, she tried to justify herself.

That was what she had been planning, but apparently her boyfriend had other ideas. It didn’t take her long to respond, shifting a bit before throwing the covers off of her. Her first action was to throw her hair up into a messy bun and rub sleepies from her eyes. ”That depends,” she said, a yawn lacing through her voice and distorting her words. After it had passed, she said in her normal tone, ”What time is it?” She looked out her window for a hint, and as she figured, the sun was up. But by the light, she could tell it hadn’t gotten too late. I wonder if it’s afternoon yet? If it was, she already missed one dose of Prozac she was supposed to take, and she had a high chance of missing the other. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, that’s what the doctor had said. Unfortunately, her sleep schedule was helping her in avoiding taking the medication she didn’t want. If she wanted to get better, she wanted it to be for real. In taking medication, it wouldn’t feel like she was getting better on her own. And that’s what she wanted. Besides, she’d done some research on it. There were a lot of side effects—the loss of appetite and weight was something that she’d already had, but the others weren’t too nice either—and it would be difficult to ween off it. She didn’t want to become dependent on something like that, and the entire situation was scary.

Even scarier was Josh’s question, spoken as if he was treading carefully around her. She took a moment to scratch at her head as if deliberating, and then gave her boyfriend a soft smile. ”Nah, I think I’m just gonna chill for the holidays. Maybe hang out with friends who don't have plans or anything.” Normally, she would have looked forward to seeing Josh’s family. But normally, circumstances weren’t so awkward. She wasn’t looking forward to going to the house that he’d been kicked out because of her, and seeing the family that she wasn’t even sure would welcome her. Because they’re the family that I tore a hole in? The family that knows that I killed my own mother? She didn’t think she would feel very welcomed there. Besides, she was still trying to deal with the guilt in the fact that she should be celebrating with her family, her father. Holidays had meant nothing for her own family before he’d left, they passed by in silence. And she supposed that she would stick to her guns on that, stick to what she knows. ”You go ahead without me. Ooh, but I want to get something for Annabel. Could you give it to her?” Now that she was reminded of his family, she was reminded of his little sister who needed a present from her. And she only had a day left. She'd already gotten Josh something, but she was waiting until the actual day to give it to him.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

It had been strange at first, adjusting to the fact that Nell slept through the mornings rather than rising as early as usual. At first Joshua had just put it down to stress and figured it would clear up as soon as she'd gotten over the shock of the trial but it was now a few weeks after and it hadn't gone away. How long would it last? It worried the graduate to think that she might stay this way for months and that it would be a while before he got his girlfriend back. Nell was still here, of course, but it was different somehow. Even the subtlest of changes was noticeable to Josh. They knew one another so well by now that hiding things could be difficult. He was sure she'd feel the same if the roles were reversed but he wasn't going to point out that he knew in order to make her feel guilty about it. This isn't her fault. "Almost afternoon," he replied. The sun was high in the sky and pouring through the window to bathe the apartment in its glow. "I've been up for a while but I figured since it's an off day I'd leave you sleeping." A part of him wanted to wake her in the mornings and try to return her schedule back to normal in the hopes that it would fix everything else like clockwork but the rationality convinced him that it would not work. Time heals all wounds. That's what they say, isn't it? How much time was this going to take? He did his best not to let the concern or distress show in his expression. No need to make her worry over him.

There was a moment of hurt when she expressed the idea that she might spend Christmas with her friend. It was irrational to feel shunned by this and he knew it was but he couldn't help his gut reaction. She'd rather spend the holidays with a friend than with me? No, that was not right. He was being unfair about this. After all, Josh understood more than anyone that this Christmas at his own home was going to be a tad awkward. Or, really awkward. It all depended on what Donovan did or didn't do, said or didn't say. He hadn't spoken to his father much since he'd agreed to start the process of reconciliation. The conversations they did have were muted and careful. They hadn't argued at all and Josh got the feeling that Donovan was trying to be very, very careful around him. Walking on eggshells around me, that's what he's doing. Joshua didn't know whether he appreciated this or not. On one hand it was nice to see some sort of effort from the man to repair their ailing relationship but on the other it felt like he was some sort of loose cannon that everyone was afraid of setting off. What would happen if he did accept Donovan's apologies and they just ended up fighting the moment things returned to normal? He was not exactly dreading Christmas but for the second time in his life, he wasn't looking forward to it either. Do it for Annabel. Speaking of Belle, apparently Nell had gotten her something or at least planned to.

He nodded. "Sure thing, I can do that." Then he thought about it for a minute. He hated guilting anyone into anything because he'd grown up with a mother who was an expert at it but he really didn't want to spend Christmas without her. It was a bit selfish to even consider persuading her but he was doing it for her sake as well. That had to count, right? "Annabel asked about you," he said offhandedly. It was true, at least he wasn't lying to try and get his way. "I think she misses you as much as I missed her, actually." He laughed, lightening the tone so that it didn't sound like he was trying to lay on the guilt. Fuck, he was being so underhanded right now. He hardly ever lied to Nell about the important things. This wasn't exactly lying, but, well... it was close enough. Wait, why isn't she spending it with her father? This concerned him. They were family. "What about your father? Did he have other plans?" He did his best to sound casual and not suspicious, merely like he was proposing a question rather than accusing her of anything. "Well, alright." He tried not to sound too put out by this but the slightest hint of disappointment edged its way into his tone. "I'll probably be back after dinner. Normally I'd stay the night, but... things are going to be a bit strange between my father and I." Josh sighed to himself. Strange didn't begin to cover it.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell looked out the window for a few moments later, just thinking about how she’d have to face the day. She’d have to take pills she didn’t want to take, eat food that she practically couldn’t stomach, and continue to convince Josh that nothing was bothering her and everything was all right. He didn’t need to suffer with her, after all, and she really wished he didn’t have to suffer at all. Can’t help that, having a girlfriend like me, she thought bitterly as she pushed the sleeves of her shirt up. ”Oh,” she said, not even thinking of how Josh would have noticed by now that this was not her normal sleeping pattern. She was an early riser, and he knew that, knew all of her patterns by now. It came with living together, with being so close. Even as she was aware of this, she didn’t think of how it would be a dead giveaway to the fact that she was just not…normal. ”Thanks for that,” she told him when he said he let her sleep in. Though it made her miss taking a dose in the morning, that was not something she minded at all. ”What have you been doing all morning?” she asked curiously. Nell was a pretty deep sleeper, so he could have done most anything without her noticing. He could have redecorated the entire apartment, and she’d have slept straight through. It didn’t seem that he’d done that, however, because as she blinked away sleep, she saw that the apartment was the same as it always looked.

When Josh spoke of his sister, her lips twitched into a smile. ”That’s sweet,” she said softly, and there was the yearning to go see the girl and give her the present in person. Sure, she’d like to spend Christmas with her boyfriend, but…but his father. She didn’t know if she could deal with going into a house that she wouldn’t feel like a guest in, no matter if his parents had invited her in. She just felt like a homewrecker. ”I miss her too.” She wasn’t going to lie and say that she didn’t like his family, because that wasn’t true. She respected his father no matter what, admired his mother, and fawned over his sister, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she didn’t know how they felt about her. There was a moment’s hesitation before she asked Josh, ”Does she know?” Nell didn’t want to speak the words out loud, but she knew that her boyfriend would understand what she was asking about. Did Annabel know about the trial, why her brother had been kicked out, any of that? That thought was especially uncomfortable, and kept her even further away from the idea of spending her holidays with the Dale family.

Her stomach flipped when Josh asked about her father. It was strange, thinking of how…normal things were between her and the man who left her to a damaged and violent women. ”Uhm…no. I told him that I’d come over after Christmas day.” Did that sound completely horrible of her, that she was just going to shirk off the holiday and leave her father to endure Christmas alone when he had finally repaired things with his daughter? It sounded very bad to her so she said in a quieter voice, ”But I don’t know anymore. I think I’ll pay him a visit, I don’t know.” It wasn’t only her father that was afraid to confront, now—she felt disconnected with everyone because of what was constantly going through her head. Did her father really hate her for what she did and was only pretending? How did he really feel about her? With his comment about it being ‘strange’, Josh just flooded her with guilt, and she didn’t feel very capable with her less-than-stellar swimming. She swallowed, bit her lip. ”Do you think it’ll be…really uncomfortable or you?” Nell knew that she wasn’t the only one in a bad situation, and she wasn’t going to pretend she was. No matter how much she wanted things to get better between Josh and his father, she understood the fact that there was nothing she could really do about that. Except be there for your boyfriend, she thought, her mind especially bitter today. ”Because I know things are tough between you and your father right now.” That was definitely putting it lightly, but so was ‘strange’. Either way, she was falling into her usual nervous habits, picking lint off of her blanket.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Joshua nodded when she thanked him. Maybe I shouldn't have, though. He wasn't really sure how to handle Nell and their relationship as of late. Part of him wanted to cater to her wishes and just let her sleep, let her stay at home whenever something that she'd normally find exciting came up. He didn't like to be the sort of person who pushed others into things that made them uncomfortable. He knew how that felt and wondered if she was going to resent him for it when she finally caught on. Then there was the other part of him. The part that missed the old Nell. She hadn't changed much externally but he noticed the difference and he wanted to have her back. Maybe he was being a little too fast-paced in the way he was trying to juggle everything and fix Nell's issues at the same time but he couldn't help what he wanted. "I read for a bit and then made breakfast," he said, summing up a morning that was pretty much average for him. He was incredibly well-read thanks to it being his go-to past-time whenever he wanted to fight off boredom. "Oh, and I fed the cat," he added. He felt a little bad for the cat, who probably had no idea why his owner was no longer the one waking up early in the mornings, but he didn't want to point all of this out. Increasing Nell's guilt was a surefire way to make a bad situation worse. So instead of trying to impress upon her that she was not the only one this depression was affecting, he moved past the subject easily.

He was hesitant when she asked after Annabel, not knowing how she would react to the information if he told her. Lying will only make it worse. He did his best to uphold his honesty in their relationship as often as he could and so even though it went against his better judgement, Joshua nodded. "She found out from a friend." He had not told his sister and had been given Patricia's word that she hadn't said anything, either. He wasn't sure if he could trust Donovan as much but it had been Annabel herself who had asked him about it. That had been an incredibly tense and awkward situation. What exactly did you say to your baby sister when she asked after your girlfriend's innocence in a murder trial. "She believes you," he assured her. "She asked me what I thought and so I told her and she hasn't brought it up again." After that, she asked if Nell was coming to stay for Christmas and had honestly sounded as if she wanted the older girl there. "She looks up to you, you know," he smiled. "Don't worry about negative judgement." Patricia had believed Nell because of her hatred for Jane and Donovan had apologised. That didn't exactly make everything sunshine and butterfrees but at least it meant that there wasn't any fighting going on. Just awkwardness. A whole lot of it.

It was strange to think that Nell did not want to spend Christmas with her father but then again, he had abandoned her for eleven years. Maybe it just felt strange to be spending the holiday with someone after that long? He wasn't sure. Or maybe she doesn't want to celebrate at all. Joshua didn't want to jump to any conclusions despite the fact that his brain was swimming with them -- he shoved his thoughts aside for a later date and focused on Nell herself. "You should," he said with a light twitch of his lips into the beginnings of a smile. He might have got off on two wrong feet with Leon but he had a small sliver of respect for the man thanks to what he had done for Nell. He'd helped with the trial, after all. He might not have liked him too much but he could appreciate everything that he had done to make it up to Nell. I wonder if she wants him out of her life now that it's all over? He'd never really thought about that before and had never brought it up with Nell. Figuring that now wouldn't be a good time, he kept his speculations to himself. He felt guilty when she asked the question, realising that he was making her feel bad. "I'm not sure," he replied honestly. "My father... he's trying, I believe, but it's still... difficult for me." He supposed Nell could understand that on some scale. When you were in the process of getting over some sort of betrayal, things could get awkward and uncomfortable. "I think I'll be fine," he sighed. "They're tough, but, well, he did apologise to you. I think he meant it." Josh shrugged. Sometimes he wasn't sure with his father.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Apparently Josh had had a relatively normal morning, and she wore a small smile as he spoke of reading and making breakfast. Breakfast. The thought of food made her queasy, so she chased it away. Sleeping in also helped her avoid meals and decreased the guilt. ‘I was asleep, I couldn’t eat.’ That was an excuse she used to feel better about everything she was doing. Even though Josh didn’t point it out to her, she was well aware of the fact that her changing up her schedule was screwing up things for Pablo. She had an irrational urge to cry when she heard that Josh had fed him, her emotions having a strong hold on her. That’s my responsibility, why can’t I think of Pablo? She was dealing with a lot of her problems by just sleeping, and so she was blocking out the thought that while she was asleep, others may be needing her. ”Thank you,” she told Josh, feeling like she was thanking him for a lot. He doesn’t know, she thought, and sometimes she did want to tell him. But even though it would mean a burden off of her shoulders, it would be loading it onto his. Josh didn’t need that. So you’ll just leave him to feed your cat. Her thoughts were doing a good job of beating her up. The guilt almost seemed to manifest into something else.

And hearing that Annabel had found out only made it worse. Her eyes were unguarded for a moment but she closed them and sighed. It was unavoidable now, so she might as well have accepted it. Her personal life wasn’t personal, and she couldn’t stop anyone from finding out things that she’d rather keep to herself, even little girls who she adored. Annabel didn’t need to know about that, it was unfair. She didn’t need to know that her big brother was dating a murderer. The fact that Annabel understood the circumstances did not help whatsoever. It hurt to know that she couldn’t keep anything to herself, that she had to jeopardize so many things because of a stupid mistake she made back in America. ”All right,” she said as she opened her eyes, and she realized that she hadn’t felt very happy in a while, wondering if her mood had spiraled down. She hadn’t woken up very happy, so this wasn’t too much of a change. She was just feeling guiltier. Nell shifted her gaze to her boyfriend, and her stomach clenched. Annabel shouldn’t look up to me, she thought. She was not a role model, she made far too many mistakes to ever be looked up to. ”It’s just difficult to know that there are people out there who’ve heard things about my life I’d rather keep to myself,” she said in a neutral tone. ”Nothing’s sacred for me, really.” It was as close she came to revealing some of the things that were bothering her, and she knew Josh would understand. If she saw his family, there would be an elephant in the room that no one would address.

She wasn’t too surprised to hear Josh encouraging her to go see her father, because he probably knew just how terrible of a thing it was to do. Nell was just afraid to face her father, even though he’d acquired this sort of quiet air, different from his previous pushy demeanor. The change was what frightened her, because she didn’t know how to go about a relationship with her father. She had told him that they couldn’t have what they had all those years ago, so where did she go from here? ”He’s solitary, I don’t think he’d mind too much,” he said in a desperate attempt to defend herself, tone still neutral. He used to be solitary until he got back in touch with me, at least. That thought increased the guilt and so she said, ”But maybe I will.” Nell was very conflicted, because now she was actually taking herself into consideration before doing anything. It was easier thinking about everyone before herself and subtracting her needs from the equation. She preferred that, because now all she could think of was how she would be disappointing the only family—blood-related, of course—she felt she had.

Josh explained the situation between him and his father and she gave a small smile when he spoke of Donovan ‘trying’. ”Father’s tend to do that,” she said softly. It was something that had kept her from completely despising her own father, and hopefully that thought would encourage Josh with his own. ”Yeah, I think he was sincere too,” she told him. Pausing a moment, she thought about what Josh must have been going through with his father. ”I want to come with you to make it easier, but…I don’t know if I’m ready to…” She gestured mildly with her hand. ”Face them.” She felt very selfish, and so she ducked her head in an almost ashamed gesture. ”But…if I go to see my father on Christmas day…I could come after.” The feeling that she was being selfish is what spurred her to say it. If Josh was feeling that things were off with his father, she wanted to support him. Nell felt as if she was doing a horrible job at it lately, with how removed she was feeling in everything.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Though he had never really done anything serious enough for it to end up on the news and have everyone judge him, Joshua could only imagine how hard it was for Nell to have her life on public display. It had taken her a long time to even open up to him about everything that had happened and now people she'd neither knew or trusted were finding out the details and making their own assumptions about her. He wrapped his arms around his girlfriend in a comforting gesture. "I know," he said, touched that she would share her concerns with him. He wished that there was more he could do to help her. "It'll get better," he promised her. He might not have been much of an optimist but he could look on the bright side for her sake. If he didn't, this situation was going to look all the more frightening to the both of them. He didn't want to think of what might happen if this never cleared up, if things just stayed as they were. He didn't think he could handle it if she never recovered from her depression. It wasn't that he didn't love her, just that he was afraid. "And I'm always here for you," he said. "If anything ever happens or you just want to talk... all you have to do is say the word." He kissed the top of her hair, not wanting it to be too intimate or distracting. He was trying to be supportive as opposed to hormonal at the moment and he at least felt like he was doing a good job of it. He was being sincere, after all. He really would do his best to support her.

Even though he didn't know Nell's father very well, he didn't think that being solitary meant wanting to spend the holidays alone. He didn't want to sound cruel by pointing this out and so he thought hard about how to say this to her without coming across as rude. "I think he'd appreciate you stopping by nonetheless," was what he decided on, adding a bit of a smile to ensure that it didn't seem like a snide comment. He was always watching his words and actions around her -- it wasn't that he was stepping on eggshells, he just didn't want her to get the wrong idea about what he was saying. Around his friends and sometimes even his family he could be too quick to open his mouth and a fight was started before he even realised what it was about. He wanted to avoid that with Nell for as long as possible. He loved her and an argument would just drive them apart. He knew from experience that his pride would not allow him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wasn't the sort of person that dealt properly with feelings of guilt and expressions of regret. "Even if it's just for an hour, at least it'll show you care, right?" He wasn't trying to suggest that her lack of desire to go was heartless, even if it came across as such. He wasn't very good at putting his opinions into words but hopefully Nell could understand what he meant thanks to how well they got along, how much they knew about one another.

Joshua didn't think that Nell was being selfish at all. If anything, it was he who felt selfish as he saw how much the prospect of facing his family was bothering her. He felt like he had pushed her to this and he was regretting it already. At the same time, he didn't know how to take it back. Did he even want to take it back? He certainly didn't want to face the holidays alone. It was the first Christmas they'd be spending together and Nell's first in the comforts of freedom. Even if she wasn't feeling her greatest he still had the hopeful desire to make it special. What if things do go wrong, though? It was scary to entertain the idea. His father certainly had seemed to mean it when he'd said he was sorry according to Nell and he hadn't started a fight with Joshua over it, but he couldn't shake his doubts and pessimisms. Still, they'd have to get it over with eventually. "You've already faced my father, willingly or not," he pointed out with a strained smile. It had been Donovan who'd approached Nell, after all. That still surprised Josh. He hadn't expected his father to have the sort of decency required to own up to his mistakes. "And Mum, though she was busy ripping me a new one." He was trying to lighten the mood with light joking but it wasn't having as much of an affect as usual thanks to the fact that he was worrying about being selfish and all that. "All you've got to worry about is Annabel and she was excited to see you."

Then something occurred to him -- Patrick. It was a family holiday. The real homewrecker was going to be there. Not wanting to lie to Nell, he said, "Well, and my grandparents. Patrick included. But I'm not sure if they know." If Pat knew then they were going to have one hell of a problem on their hands. Apart from that, he was trying to remain confident that it would go well. "Visit your father," he advised. "He's family, he should come first. And if you're still feeling up to it, well, you can drop by any time." He was leaving it open-ended in a desperate attempt to ease his selfishness. "Besides, my parents always hold a party to celebrate Christmas," he said. "I'm sure they'll be in good moods." He smiled, hoping that he sounded as sure as he looked.

[Feel free to skip ahead in your post to the next day and such~]

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell gripped her boyfriend’s shirt when he embraced her, still feeling tired even after her very long sleep. It’ll get better, he said. But it never gets better, does it? She always loved to look on the bright side, she remembered how easy it was in the beginning of the world when she thought she could escape everything and just keep running. It only got worse from there, however, and she didn’t know how she could fix everything. She wanted to make herself work right again, but she didn’t know how. Even the offer of help left her feeling sad, no matter how much she appreciated it. She wanted Josh with her, but didn’t want to say it out loud—she didn’t want to make him stay around her when she didn’t feel like she was good enough. ”Thank you,” she said, feeling like it wasn’t enough to express how much his simply presence meant to her. She smiled when she felt Josh kiss her head, but felt it was better not to say anything more for fear that she would reveal just how vulnerable she was lately. The subject of her father erased any warmth, and she bit her tongue as she thought. He’d appreciate it. Would he really appreciate seeing the girl who killed the woman he’d loved, the mother of his children? Things felt really complicated, and so she merely said, ”I will.” Even though Josh was putting it lightly and not laying on the guilt, she couldn’t help the way she felt. Well, she didn’t really understand too much about how she felt, but she knew she was apprehensive with everything lately.

Josh was doing a great job at trying to reassure her about the circumstances, that there was nothing to worry about when it came to his family, but it didn’t make the sick feeling go away, it didn’t make her more confident in the matter. You used to be strong. It upset her to think of that. She would once be able to face the world no matter what, but now she wasn’t nearly as sure of the world. The mention of Patrick actually gave her some courage, because she plain didn’t like the way he treated Josh. ”Well…I guess you’re right about all that.” Then why was she so tense? Why was she so nervous to go through with this? She knew she couldn’t put it off forever—she’d have to face his family sometime. Nell didn’t plan on breaking up with him, after all. As she thought about it, she blinked when Josh described her father as family. It was weird—she had family now. She had a father, and that was probably one of the reasons she’d feel so bad if she ended up ditching him. ”Okay, well…” She didn’t want to commit heself to anything, just in case she changed her mind last-minute, so she said, ”We’ll see.” Knowing that this probably won’t be reassuring to her boyfriend, she amended, ”I’ll make sure to stop by your place, all right?” She gave him a smile, and even though it was small, it was convincing. Nell wasn’t feeling too enthusiastic, more like she was going through the motions, but there was one thing she still did with fervor and that was try to make Josh happy. And keep him unaware of what was going on with her.

-

”I’m just saying, red wine is better with dinner, especially in winter,” Nell intoned as she poured a glass for her father and he blinked as he took it. They were sitting at the small table in the kitchen. It had turned out to be a small Christmas dinner when she convinced him to just order out Chinese that she didn’t eat much of. The man had told her there was something humbling about it, and she actually felt content, like she’d done something right. ”I don’t disagree,” he said as he took a sip. He was fine with her drinking, since he grew up with his parents allowing him to drink wine thanks to their background. And he knew about her occupation, thanks to Jane. Instead of fighting with her on it, he held his tongue, and it helped her respect him a bit more. León placed his glass on the table and told her, ”Look under the tree, I got something for you.” She blinked, surprised by the gesture, and walked out to the three in the sitting room after finishing off her glass. The house staff had Christmas day off, of course, and so she had cleaned up all the food. She picked up a square package first and waved it when she saw him walked out and lean against the wall. With his nod, she gingerly tore it open and saw that it was a vinyl. ”Tebaldi Del Monaco Capuana,” she read off, and then smiled. ”Puccini. Thank you Papa.”

She stood and hugged him, feeling like it was all surreal. This was her father who’d abandoned her for so many years, and she was hugging him, she was thankful for him. ”I left you something in the fridge,” she said with a wink when she went back to the kitchen and put the record in her oversized shopping bag. It was getting a little late, and so she was working herself up motivation to go to the next mansion visit. ”I told Josh I’d stop by,” she told her father when she picked up her bag, a bit hesitant to tell him so. His lips twitched into a small smile, and it was strange. Nell rarely saw her father smile. ”All right, then. Have fun.” And he didn’t sound upset or anything. It relieved her to know that she had manged to make things right, and wanted to thank Josh for encouraging her to go see her father, to get out of the house. She pecked him on the cheek before Nell left, her sweater good protection against the chilly weather. Now that she was out, she didn’t feel too reluctant to go over to Josh’s. No, not Josh’s, the Dale family’s. Okay, that made her feel pretty bad. It wasn’t until she was actually at the door and ringing it that she felt the actual panic set in. God, what was she doing? She danced around a bit, shifting her bag from hand to hand in nervous anticipation.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

He had left early that morning whilst Nell was still asleep, wondering silently whether or not she'd follow through with her hesitant plans for the day. He was reassured by the fact that, even if she didn't, he had at least tried. His parents greeted him at the door, his father with a strained half-smile and his mother by a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. Annabel came barrelling down the stairs a moment later--Joshua got a glimpse of an emerald dress before she threw her arms around him, grinning broadly. "Merry Christmas Joshy!" she sang. The tension in the air seemed to evaporate a little as his features relaxed into a grin and he bent down to better embrace his little sister. "Merry Christmas to you too, Belle." The house was just as lavishly decorated as he remembered from all the other years he'd spent here--real holly and mistletoe draped around the banisters and hanging above doorways, fake icicles here and there and even a blanket of fake snow piled in drifts around the foyer and halls. Though he could not see the living room from where he stood, he was willing to bet that it extended there and into all of the other "main" rooms like the dining area. "The place looks great," he said honestly. This'll take a while to clean up. Not that his parents or either of the children would be the ones tasked with the clean-up process. No, that 'honour' was left to their housing staff. They had Christmas and a few days after off for break and he was willing to bet that his parents would leave most of the stuff until that break was over. Even Trish was too busy to bother with such a task.

As he'd arrived very early, he and his immediate family were the only ones there. Patrick and Patricia's parents were arriving later in the day, as well as all the more distant family and Patricia's half-sister. He wasn't looking forward to seeing Vie again but was determined not to complain or let anything drag him down. I'll enjoy this holiday for Annabel and Mum's sakes. He glanced at Donovan as this thought crossed his mind and then promptly looked away again. When would he be able to meet his eyes without worrying about what he'd feel about him? Following his sister into the living room, he round the massive Christmas tree in the middle of it to be bare of any ornaments. It was tradition that they decorated it as a family the day of and he fell into the pattern without much hassle. They kept up pointless conversations as they worked, Josh trying not to sound too snippy whenever he had to reply to his father but still trying to stay as far from him as possible. It took them a few hours to get everything the way they wanted it and then Patricia went to start on dinner whilst Annabel offered to collect the presents from around the house and put them under the tree. "The ones from me are just inside the door," he told her. "You got presents?" He didn't know why this surprised her--he did it every year. "Of course. They're labelled, you'll know which ones are yours." Her bright blue eyes were lit with excitement as she flounced off, leaving him alone with his father.

After a glance to the arched entrance of the living room to ensure his sister was out of earshot, he gave Donovan a pointed look and gestured to the dining room, entering it wordlessly. His father followed him. "What is it?" It was clear that Josh had wanted to talk even without the graduate breathing a single word. He sat down, carefully avoiding placing his hands anywhere on the table so as not to disturb the dinner setup. The decorations were here, too, with pine cones and garlands placed artfully among the plates and a vase of poinsettias serving as centerpeice. He admired it for a moment before turning his gaze to his father. "It's about Nell," he said. His tone was not cautious or hesitant. The fear he had once felt of the man was evaporating. He now felt only bitterness and a dull feeling he couldn't identify. Longing, perhaps? "I have said that I don't mind if she comes over," his father replied. "Is that not what you wanted?" Since when have you cared what I want? He managed to bite his tongue and hold the spiteful comment back. Joshua had promised himself that he was going to avoid any and all disputes if possible. "Yes," he said. "But I also want your word that you'll treat her well. She's no more dangerous or wicked than I am. Less than, actually." He held Donovan's gaze for a long moment. "Of course," replied the older man. "I've already told Nell that I regret--" He stopped, because Joshua had held up a hand. "That's all I wanted."

He pushed away from the table and went back into the living room to help Annabel with some of the heavier presents before the conversation could go anywhere else. He was afraid that, left to his own devices with the man, he would not be able to handle himself. Family arrived here and there throughout the day, Joshua greeting them all with polite smiles and the occasional hug for the friendlier ones. He even put up with Sylvie's embrace, irritated as the girl made him. "Hello Aunt Kelly," he said politely to her mother, glad that she did not insist on hugging her as well. "Mum's in the kitchen." Willy and Eustace dropped by shortly after, the latter greeting Josh enthusiastically as always. Of all his relatives, his go-getter grandfather was probably the favourite. He had grown so accustomed to opening the door in order to avoid awkward conversations that he forgot to register the fact that Nell might be one of them. Thus it was a pleasant surprise as he opened the door to her, gray eyes lighting up a little at the sight of his girlfriend. "You came," he said, touched by this. He greeted her with a kiss and then stepped aside. "Come on in, almost everyone's here." Except Patrick, but he never had made a habit of punctuality. "Did you see your father? How'd it go?" He took an interest in their relationship because he wanted her to be happy. He might not have been overly fond of the man but Nell didn't have a lot of (good) family like he did. She deserved to stay close to the ones she did.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell let out a relieved breath when Josh opened the door. She didn’t know what she would have done if it had been his father. Probably have exchanged greetings that bordered on awkward, even though she would have tried her best to prevent it from becoming such. ”I did,” she replied, pressing her lips against his. ”Hey there.” It was a bit unnerving to hear that almost everyone was here as she took a few steps into the foyer, because it reminded her that everyone meant Josh’s family, people that caused the nervous fluttering in her stomach. However, she managed to steel herself against such thoughts. She approached it with conviction when she thought of how Josh had to deal with her family. After enduring Jane and León, the least she could do for her boyfriend was celebrate an uncomfortable Christmas with his own relatives. That’s what couples did, right? Well, normal couples where one half wasn’t a murderer or anything. She lifted the bag on her fingers, and said with great Christmas cheer, ”I come bearing gifts.” Deciding that a joke would help to show that she wasn’t as uncomfortable as she thought she would be, Nell went on, ”I’m expecting two other guys with frankincense and myrrh soon.” She wondered if Josh knew about the story of Christmas and the three wise men. Otherwise, it would fall pretty flat.

When he questioned about her father, she turned to him and nodded. ”It went really well,” she said with a small smile. ”It was an effort to convince him not to cook, but eventually I got him to order out Chinese.” She rolled her eyes, thinking of how her father would have very much liked to have cooked a huge Spanish meal. Part of the reason she told him not to do that was because she knew she wouldn’t be able to eat a lot of it as she usually would, and the other part of her wanted the man to relax and enjoy the holiday. ”Of course we also had wine.” She tilted her head to express her exasperated amusement. ”And he gave me a Puccini vinyl. I don’t have a record player, but I guess I could get one so it’s not only or the novelty.” It was a nice record to have on display, but she’d also like to listen to the music—her father clearly understood that, which is why she appreciated his gift. It was weird, talking about how she could even buy things now without worrying about it going to waste. It was almost uncomfortable. Freedom was supposed to be wonderful, so why was it taking so long to adjust to it? "It was nice," she reaffirmed. Nell took a step toward him and rested her hand on his chest, leaning in to kiss him again. ”I wanted to thank you for encouraging me to go,” she said sincerely. Visiting her father reminded her that he would have been alone if she hadn’t come. He had as much family as she did, they were practically in the same boat. Nell had finally left the bitterness behind, and even though the atonement process had ended, she was busy with her own…problems now. These problems were just pulling her away from the only family she had. Maybe I can get him a lady friend, she thought, not for the first time. No one deserved to be alone like that.

Nell turned her attention back to the mansion and wore a lop-sided smile as she said, ”This is amazing.” It really was her first real Christmas, so she’d never experienced anything like it. No decorations or holiday spirit. When her father was around, there were a few dcorations, a synthetic tree that smelled of mold, and a few presents shared between the twins. After that…no, she didn’t even want to think about those years. In any case, she’d never really had any real celebrations. That’s why she was so comfortable with the quaint dinner she had with her father. She didn’t know how she felt about the grandness and extravagance of the place. ”Did your parents decorate themselves?” They were rich, so they practically didn’t have to do anything for themselves, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t want to. Rich people. It really was like another world, one different from her upbringing in the Bronx and something she was wholly unaccostumed to. Her moods seemed to be fluctuating, her stomach doing flips. I don’t belong here, was one of her main thoughts. She wasn’t Josh’s family, she was practically scared of his family. Think of what he’s done for you and stop being stupid. All Nell had to do was keep reminding herself that she loved her boyfriend and that this wasn’t as hard on her as it was on him.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

He was relieved to see that Nell was not feeling too down about this, at least not openly. He smiled at the joke and a quiet chuckle brushed past his lips. "I have something for you, too," he told her. He usually got gifts for all of his friends during the Christmas season and his girlfriend was of course no exception. His parents had always impressed upon him that thought should be put into everything. It didn't matter how much something cost or how much of it there was. That didn't mean to say he didn't spend a lot of money on Christmas--everyone in his family did. It just meant that he was not exactly satisfied with purchasing a mountain of pointless gifts and leaving it there. "It'll need to wait 'till later, though. We don't open gifts and such until after dinner." It didn't hold too much significance to wait but it was something they had always done. Annabel was usually the most impatient when it came to this but even she was a good sport about it. Given that he'd spent his entire life being spoiled no matter the season, he'd always enjoyed the presence of family and the thrill of decorating more than the actual presents themselves. He had missed out on a great deal of the decorating process this year thanks to the fact that he was no longer living here but everything else was much the same. Except for his relationship with his father. No one else outside the direct family knew that he'd been temporarily disowned and he planned to keep it that way. Clearly Donovan hadn't been too sure of the decision himself--he hadn't told much of anyone.

He was glad that she'd went to see her father and even more elated to hear that it had gone over well. He'd wondered for a bit on whether it had been the right decision to encourage her but he could see now that it was. You'll be glad of all this when you're alright again, Nell. It was almost like she was ill and he was trying to push her towards recovery without actually telling her that he was doing so. And he supposed that depression was an illness, just more mental than physical. Josh smiled as she told him about the encounter. "I'm glad that it went well for you," he said earnestly. He didn't know much about vinyl records but common knowledge pieced together the basics in his mind. "I think you should," he agreed. "Why own something when you can't use it properly, right?" He supposed that since record players were practically disused it would be a bit of a hassle to get one's hands on a good one but he had faith in Nell on that respect. She was a lot craftier than he was when it came to spending, he found. Of course, that wasn't hard. Joshua just used money to solve almost all of his problems because he had so much of it that being careful wasn't a necessity. And now he had access to his family's fortune again, which was nice. He was being cautious about spending any of it for now--it felt awkward, almost like he was trespassing or taking advantage. He felt like he should be bitter and go on a spending spree just to spite his father but somehow couldn't convince himself to do so.

His thoughts short-circuited for a moment when she kissed him but he grinned nonetheless. "Any time," he said. The thanks were appreciated--it let him know that she really was happy with the decision to go. "I like to see you happy." It was said likely and with no detectable reference to the depression. After all, Nell wasn't aware that Josh knew and he certainly didn't plan on telling her. He would have said the same thing even if this had been a normal holiday. Then again, if it had been normal she'd have went without convincing, wouldn't she have? He pushed this thought to the side. Dwelling on 'what ifs' was going to get him nowhere. Nodding, his gray gaze swept the surroundings again. He caught sight of a few familiar decorations but there were new ones he didn't recognise as well. As he had skipped out on the previous Christmas entirely and had not been around for the purchasing and decorating of this one, he supposed it wasn't all that surprising. "We all decorate together, usually. Annabel and I included, though of course I stayed out of that part for this year." He kept all traces of regret and disappointment out of his tone but knew that the words might be tip-offs to Nell anyway. The Earth girl was not stupid, she knew he hadn't just decided to miss out on the family traditions. He didn't hold it against her but he sometimes wondered if she noticed all the subtle remarks and comments. Probably. They were hard to miss.

A loud laugh caused him to shift his attention toward the kitchen as two women left it, both caught up in their amusement. He lifted an eyebrow at his mother, who had a wreath resting on her head like a crown and had a martini in one hand. She didn't appear to be feeling the affects of any drinking yet but Joshua was wary. I really hope she doesn't have too many. That's the last thing Nell needs to see. She caught sight of them and gave a wide smile, parting from Kelly's company for a moment to come over. "Nell, how are you?" she asked warmly. "Mother, why are you wearing the decorations?" Joshua's voice was a bit strained as he fought back the desire to laugh. Patricia chuckled and used her free hand to slide the wreath around her arm instead. "Your aunt and I were just catching up," she said dismissively. "Come on into the living room, Nell, I'm sure Annabel will be happy to see you." The woman was doing a good job of not mentioning the trial or so much as hesitating around his girlfriend, putting Josh's mind at ease. That is, until he entered the living room and found his father already sitting in it. Shit. Donovan rose from where he was seated and gave them an acknowledging nod. "Hello Nell," he said in an impressively cordial tone. Josh tried not to let his guard down too quickly, just in case. "Want anything to snack on?" Josh had a feeling this would be a 'no' but asked for formalities sakes. "Dinner won't be for a while." The conversation was interrupted by Annabel, who seemed to decide it was a good idea to come over and hug Nell with no warning whatsoever. "Hiya Nell!" Joshua rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched to betray his amusement. "Let her breathe, sis."

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell tilted her head when Josh said he had something for her, the beginnings of a smile curling on her lips. ”Oh?” she said, wondering what it was. Something else she wasn’t used to—getting presents. Or even giving them. She had a little help with her father’s money this year since she watned to get pretty much everyone gifts, just to see how happy they were. And the gifts she received were always important to her. She was wearing a pair of obnxious holiday socks with her flats, a gift from a girl she was decent friends with. Didn’t matter that it didn’t match her outfit, she loved them. ”Can’t wait to see,” she said airily, hunching her shoulders in a gesture of excitement. It actually didn’t matter what he gave to her, she’d love it because it was from him. So good with the cheesiness. ”More importantly, can’t wait for you to see what I got.” She hoped he liked it, but didn’t see how he wouldn’t. Nell was rather proud of her gift, but then again, she felt like maybe she could have gone with something more…expensive. It’s a dillema that came with rich people, really. What didn’t Josh have? A good relationship with his father. Right. If only she could buy that. ”I guess these go under the tree…?” she asked, shaking the bag a bit.

She looked down, before replying to Josh. ”Me too,” she said languidly. It wasn’t as awkward as she thought it would be, maybe because it was all in her head. I still don’t know what he really thinks. That was one of the scariest things about all this, not knowing what people were thinking about her, wondering if they were measuring her words around her, afraid that she may just flip out and kill them. Her father didn’t think that, but she was more concerned about how she wanted this relationship to go. Did she want a father the way she used to have one? No, that man was a coward. She wanted an adult relationship with the man who had a hand in her creation, a hand in her rearing, and that meant existing with him in spite of her fears. This is too much to think about. She’d rather not think on it at all. ”For decoration,” she said in an energetic voice. ”And just for having it. Though I would like a record player. Could have asked Santa for one…” This was said jokingly. She didn’t ask anything of anyone, let alone an imaginary man who belonged in parents’ fairytales. Her smile widened when Josh said that he liked to see her happy, feeling very guilty that she couldn’t be happy all the time now. And that guilt only increased when he told her that he couldn’t decorate with the family this year. If she was in a worse state of mind, this would have made her cry, knowing that she’d kept her boyfriend from celebrations like this. ”That sounds fun,” she said as if the shame and bad feelings weren’t there. It was an honest statement. She liked hearing about happy families and—this is not a happy family, because you took their son away—dammit she needed to stop that.

Nell giggled when she saw Trish with the wreath on her head, amused by the older woman. She didn’t know how the other woman was, but Trish approached her and Josh anyway. ”I’m good, thanks,” she said with a bright smile. ”You?” She returned the question with another small laugh. As pretenses went, she was airy and light-hearted and it really wasn’t pretending. It was her pushing everything to the side. Don’t think about the fact she knows, don’t focus on how horrible person you are for what you did to her family. Trish explained that she’d been speaking to his aunt—oh, that’s who the woman was—and Nell agreed to go to the living room with a, ”All right.” She felt as if she were doing rather well with all this, as she tried to ease her mind. Happy thoughts, good thoughts…It’s Christmas time, be filled with the holiday spirit. It was like a self-help CD on repeat in her head. It was enough that she didn’t feel too antsy around Donovan. ”Hi,” she said, her soothing thoughts going to the fact that he apologized, he was decent, that she shouldn’t be afraid of him or anything. ”I’m good, ate over at my father’s,” she answered, and realizing how it made her sound like a bad guest, she amended, ”But I’ll definitely be hungry by the time dinner’s ready. It was just Chinese, so just give it an hour.” That was true at least, after eating Chinese it took only an hour to be starving again. Normally, this would be very true. However, this was depressed-Nell, and depressed-Nell couldn’t stomach too many meals in a day. She was about to defend herself some more so that she didn’t feel horrible about eating beforehand when she was taken into a hug. Her hand patted Annabel’s back as she laughed. ”Hey,” she replied airily. Nell definitely did not mind hugs, especially from Annabel. ”And how are you?” she said jokingly, though with sincerity behind it.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Joshua was truly grateful for the upbeat and seemingly genuine attitude of his mother toward Nell. He wanted the Earth girl to experience a good day around his family so that she understood that she would be accepted here again. If they want me back they've got to let her in, too. It was a silent agreement he'd held with himself. He could not live in this house or even interact with its members if he also carried with him the knowledge that they didn't approve of his choice in Nell. He couldn't help that he'd developed feelings for his friend over the months any more than he could help the fact that she just so happened to come with a lot of baggage. Baggage in the form of a murder trial. That's over now. It was strange to consider the trial as a thing of the past when he'd spent so much time dreading it but it was also a freeing feeling. "Oh, I'm great," Trish replied enthusiastically, snapping Josh out of his thoughts. "Christmas always does cheer a girl up, you know?" Joshua couldn't resist a smirk as he said, "I'm sure that martini is doing its bit, too." This was met with a look that was a combination of stern and amused. "Don't listen to him," she advised Nell with a small smile. "He doesn't know what he's talking about." Joshua could feel the tightness in his chest easing up a little as he chuckled, putting an arm around Nell's waist for a moment in a silent gesture. He couldn't express his feelings aloud when his mother and aunt were standing well within earshot but he wanted her to know through the closeness that he was glad that she was here and that things were going so well for them both.

Far from being disappointed in the fact that Nell had eaten whilst she was at her father's house, Josh was filled with a tingling sense of what could only be relief. It didn't matter how much she'd eaten, not really, as long as she was not skipping out on meals entirely. He worried about her diet more than he worried about his own lately and that was saying something. He would not admit to her that he'd been slacking a little lately thanks to all the stress of getting things ready for the new term and trying to help her out subtly along the way. Things would have been so much easier if he just confessed that he knew what was going on but he was too concerned about this driving them apart to tell her. "As this is you we're talking about, I'll still fear for the poor food that has to face you." Even though he had a feeling this was false, he threw in the joke as he would have on any normal occasion. This was all part of the false pretences, all part of Joshua being Joshua and pretending that nothing was wrong. It was ironic that they were both trying to hide so much from the other. Sad, almost, though he did understand why it had to happen. "Good!" chirped the blonde girl. "Are you good, too, Nelly? I'm glad you showed up--I haven't seen you in forever!" Annabel was almost thirteen and thus old enough to understand what a murder trial was, but her naivete and desire to believe that everything was alright with the world shone through here. It's too soon for people to be very 'good'. I'm almost glad she doesn't understand that. He was similarly glad of her attitude toward Nell. He cast another wary glance toward his father, who was in conversation with his mother-in-law and thus not focused on the couple.

The doorbell rang, disrupting conversation. As they were having a lot of guests for Christmas they had disabled the alarm system and left the gates to the driveway standing open, allowing pretty much anyone who wished to drop by access up until the front door. He glanced at Nell and then jerked his head toward the foyer, indicating that she should come with him. He didn't want her to be left alone in the tense presence of her father. Annabel looked like she might have followed but Quartz put a stop to those plans by licking her face. As his sister collapsed into a fit of giggles and protests, the impatient guest rang the bell again. "Jeez, I'm coming," he muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes and glancing at Nell in exasperation. "You'd think we could teleport. Sometimes I do wonder how our butler does this." He chuckled and pulled open the door, smile vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. "Patrick," he said coolly. "I suppose my father invited you." Though he would very much have liked to shut the door in the older man's face or at least let go and leave the man to make his own way inside, Joshua did the 'polite' thing and stepped out of the way, holding the door open for him. A chilly breeze drafted in from the open door but it was gone as quickly as it had came, an intense heat filling the foyer. It was not of Joshua's doing and as he could feel it himself he worried that it would be uncomfortable to Nell. In fact, that was probably what Patrick wanted. "We have guests, Patrick," he said stiffly. "They might not understand your dislike of the cold." The man smirked at him for a moment. "But of course." The heat vanished almost instantly. "Well, if it isn't Nell," he said in a tone that was 'pleasant'. "I must say I'm quite surprised to see you here."

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell was thankful that there didn’t seem to be any tension between her and Trish. She admired the woman , after all, and wished that Trish’s views hadn’t changed on her, even though she knew about what she did to her mother. I’m the same person. It was hard, combining the trait of ‘murderer’ into the personal description of herself, into who she was. But it was something she’d done in her past, a mistake she didn’t plan to make again. No, she was sure she wouldn’t hurt anyone ever again because she was sure that she wouldn’t be put in that position. She smiled and nodded when Josh’s mother replied that she was good, listening amusedly to the mother-son banter. ”I’ll try not to,” Nell responded when Trish told her not to listen to Josh. It seemed that Christmas was doing a good job at lightening the mood. Or maybe it was the booze, since Nell had a few glasses of wine at her father’s. A buzz was truly nice for the holidays. When she felt Josh’s hand on her waist, she smiled up at him to show that she was not as uncomfortable as she thought she would be. No, she was doing pretty well, she believed. There was still the anxiety, but nowadays that was a permanent thing, something that had become so normal for her that it was hard to imagine going through the day without the feeling that something bad was going on.

Nell rolled her eyes at Josh’s joking, also pretending like it was true while under the impression he was being completely sincere. She didn’t think that the fact that she’d eaten at her father’s was good news to him, or news at all. ”I am not a caveman, I have manners,” she said as if offended by the comment. ”Food has nothing to fear around me.” So true right now, because even though she would be eating for politeness, it certainly wouldn’t be a lot. She felt like she was suffering from the world’s longest stomachache as of late. It seemed that Annabel was unaffected by the news of her brother’s girlfriend being a murderer, something else that Nell could be thankful for. She didn’t want the girl’s views to change on her, either. It almost felt like people would become guarded around her once they knew, bracing themselves for attack. I don’t want to hurt anyone. All she wanted was everyone’s happiness, something that seemed unachievable if they didn’t trust her. She liked to believe she was a trustworthy person, but the title of ‘murder’ did not bring to mind words like ‘trust’. ”I’m great,” she said with a small laugh. ”I know, but I’m here now. And I got a present for you.” Nell liked this, giving people things for Christmas. Now she didn’t have to explain away times when she would randomly begift someone, just because she felt like it.

The doorbell rang and Nell smiled acquiescently when Josh motioned for her to come with him. She gaze Quartx a quick pet when he practically mauled Annabel before departing in his company. This is easy, you’re doing good. It felt like she was coaching herself into having a good night. Any awkwardness is in your head. She snorted when Josh mentioned teleportation. ”You better shape up for tonight then,” she joked. ”I’m sure it’s not too hard a talent to learn.” Maybe their butler was just magic or something. Her steadily lifting spirits were dampened by the visitor at the door, and she kept quiet when Josh gave his grandfather a chilly greeting, about as cold as the weather outside. Just as she realized she was shivering from the weather, the sudden heat made the hairs on her arms stand on end and picked up goosebumps. Since she was standing with two Fire elementals, she didn’t exactly know where it was coming from. That is until Josh spoke to his grandfather, and the heat dissipated. This didn’t really put her at ease, especially when the man regarded her. ”Hello,” she said pleasantly, even though her feelings toward Josh’s grandfather were anything but. He commented on his surprise of her being here, and she arched an eyebrow. ”Why is that?” she questioned curiously, even though she did have a prickling unease, similar to how she felt when the heat rose. Of course, this was nothing new with Patrick. She was far from liking him, but she did have a high tolerance level.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Unlike Nell, Joshua's tolerance for Patrick was very low. He had dealt with this man and his sneaky ways for years now and he was really getting sick of it, especially when his grandfather decided to target Nell rather than himself. He said nothing to the comment at first, merely pressed his lips together into a suspicious frown. What the hell are you getting at? He wasn't sure that he wanted to know. Nell inquired about it and Patrick's lips curled into a sneering sort of smile. "Well, I just thought you'd have other things to be dealing with, is all." Joshua sensed that this was going nowhere good. Patrick was never this kind to people he had a grudge against (and he was sure the man was still bitter toward Nell for defending Josh) unless he was mocking them. "Patrick," he warned, his voice very low. The man ignored him completely, acting as if he were merely a part of the wall. He had never been afraid of Joshua because he'd never seen the vicious side to him. Josh's respect and even slight fear of his father kept him from hurting the man just in case Donovan got upset with him. He shot a glance at Nell with a guarded but concerned look in his eyes. He wondered if she felt it too, that sense that when Patrick opened his mouth they were not going to like what he had to say. The pause lasted no more than a couple of seconds before the man continued, "I'm surprised my son let you past his doorstep. Tell me, do they let all murderers walk free these days?"

The next thing Joshua knew, his father was holding him back as Patrick staggered, one hand pressed to his face. His nose was pouring blood and the Fire graduate was seething, though he didn't bother trying to shove his father off to go for round two. Donovan waited for a few seconds before letting go and stepping to the side, lifting his hands a little as if to try and placate his son. It did little to help but Joshua remained where he was, satisfying his rage by glaring daggers at Patrick. "You keep your mouth shut about Nell, old man," he said darkly. If he'd thought that a bloodied and possibly broken nose was going to stop Patrick, however, he was wrong. The man ignored him again and instead addressed his son, who thus far had not said a word. Joshua hadn't even realised that he'd came over to see who was at the door until Donovan had pulled him away from Patrick. "Don't you know the sorts of scum you're letting into your home, Donny?" he said with mock concern. "This girl is a murderer, would you really have her hanging around your son?" Joshua stepped forward with the full intent of attacking him a second time, but before he could do anything his father held up a hand to stop him. Perhaps it was just instinctual reaction leftover from his childhood but the quiet order made him pause, at least long enough for his father to get a word in. "Nell is a guest in our home," said Donovan stiffly. "As are you. If you can't respect that, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

There were a few pulses of silence in the room, mostly shocked. Both Joshua and Patrick were staring at Donovan as if he'd announced he was from another planet. The man himself seemed oblivious to this as he continued to meet Patrick's stare. "Maybe you didn't hear me," said Patrick. "This bitch--"

"Hey!"

"--killed her mother. She--"

"She was acquitted," snarled Josh, "as I'm almost fucking positive you know." He looked at his father, half-expecting the man to tell him off for cursing or snapping at Patrick. Donovan said nothing for a long moment, then drew a breath. "You should go," he said to Patrick. "This is a holiday and I won't permit you to ruin it for my family, or for--" He glanced at Nell for a moment and then looked away just as quickly, "--or for friends of it." Josh thought Patrick would protest. He was almost sure of it. Instead, with a shake of his head and a slam of the front door, he left. What followed was the most awkward and uncomfortable silence Joshua was sure he'd ever experienced under this roof. It was his father who broke it. "Are you both alright?" Apart from his intense anger toward Patrick, Josh felt no sort of pain. The man hadn't struck him--though he was sure it would have boiled down to a fight if his father hadn't been there to break it up. "I'm alright," he said quietly. It wasn't quite as stiff as the way he'd spoken to him earlier. "Thanks," he muttered, hating the word but understanding that it was almost necessary. He didn't have to do that, but he did. Why? Though Joshua's pessimism tried convincing him that it was just to get on his good side and that he didn't really care, it was still appreciated. Donovan cleared his throat and nodded, seemingly just as uncomfortable as Josh himself. "Your mother will want an explanation," he said, gesturing toward the dining room and then departing.

Josh turned to Nell and hesitated, realising that he had no idea what to say to the things that had just transpired. It had been going well. He'd been hopeful that they could survive the night without any sort of drama so that Nell could enjoy herself and feel at peace here. Of course, Patrick ruined all semblance of good plans. It was nothing new for him. "Don't listen to him," he said. "He's just..." Josh trailed off, unable to find a word strong enough to describe Patrick. "Let's go back to the others." He really just wanted an excuse to get out of the foyer and have some chance of relaxing. As he passed the dining room, he saw that Patricia and her half-sister were busy setting things up with the help of Eustace, who grinned when he saw Nell. "Nell, right?" He glanced to Josh. "She's your friend from last time, eh?" Joshua gave a small smile, trying to ignore the anger. He might have been more cheerful and enthusiastic if he wasn't still seething from the after-effects. "Girlfriend," he corrected. This just made the man grin wider, gripping his shoulder. "Good catch," he winked at them both before heading back to help his daughters. Joshua ducked his head a little to try and hide his smirk but he couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips. "Good catch, huh?" He raised his brows at Nell. Alright, maybe this wasn't going to be too terrible. "So what'd you get Annabel?" he wondered. "I'll bet she's just pining for dinner to be over so she can find out."