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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Nov 29, 2011 22:11:39 GMT -5
Unease not apparent on the outside, Nell was all-too aware of the tension inside. Patrick always seemed to be an issue in this family, and apparently these issues extended to her. Because she had a hint at what the man meant when Joshua went on the defensive. Her smile was polite, as she laughed airily and said, ”I’m actually pretty free.” She used the term for she could sense what he was getting at and had one eyebrow lifted as if daring him to say anything else. She was on the defensive, though her sarcasm had yet to rear its head. She wasn’t going to start anything with this man just because she had a feeling he knew. Of course he knew, who didn’t know? This will be your life from now on. From now on, there would be people like Patrick out there, and she was just going to have to get used to it. Didn’t make it easier, didn’t make the anxiety go away. She still had yet to come to terms. At least now she could focus on Patrick, even though that wasn’t much better than facing all the things she now had to deal with.
Nell barely had time to register the words before Josh decked his grandfather. She winced, took a step back. Oh jeez. There was a moment of surreal realization where she wondered if Jerry Springer was on, and then in the next moment the reality hit her full-force. She didn’t know when Donovan had come in, because now she was staring at Patrick and his bloody nose. This will be life, she thought again, and it hurt. She didn’t want to listen to his words, but they stung. And no matter what Josh said, he wouldn’t keep his mouth shut, and no one else would. The public would talk, because this would be a story, and in a few months it’ll die down, but she’d always be a murderer. That won’t change. She squinted her eyes with his next words, looking displeased, but she didn’t say anything to that. What could she say when the acid in her stomach was eating away at her? Donovan’s voice caused her to shift her gaze, wondering if she was actually hearing him right. This was his father, didn’t family just accept things they said? Wasn’t it okay for Patrick to do this in the eyes of his son? Family was family, after all, but this was Donovan telling the older man to respect her or leave. It didn’t make sense, and she turned her head to see what Patrick would do.
Apparently he wanted to continue stating the obvious, things that everyone already knew—not just her, but everyone. She killed her mother, and it wasn’t just her problem anymore. It wasn’t a secret. She had the urge to say something, but battled it down because Donovan was right. She was a guest. Patrick was family. It wasn’t her place to defend herself. Besides, Josh already seemed to have that taken care of , and she couldn’t help but duck her head slightly and avert her eyes in what must have been shame. That doesn’t make it any less true, she responded in her head. This time she didn’t expect Donovan to come to her defense. She expected to be kicked out, because this would obviously create problems with his father. But no, what he said next made her lift her head slightly, even though she looked at nowhere in particular. Friends of it. She didn’t deserve to have his tolerance or respect or whatever it was, but she knew that in the process of getting his son back, Donovan needed to do this. And she would not argue against it. She wanted the relationship better for both of them. When Patrick left, she still felt unease in her stomach but of a different kind, and could only nod at Donovan’s question. It was like her mouth had been glued shut the instant Patrick started ridiculing her, and she hated that. She didn’t have the balls to do anything because this was not her family or her home and she just didn’t belong.
She smiled at Josh when Donovan left, even though the expression didn’t quite meet her eyes. ”I never do,” she said, because she didn’t have to. She already knew what she had done, and she was now paying for it. The shame and guilt didn’t get any better or worse just because her boyfriend’s grandfather was a dick. ”You’ve met my family. I can deal.” He’d even seen Pilar, but he was quite different from Patrick. He was not as underheanded as he—when he was an asshole, he was up front about it and stated quite clearly that you were on his shit list. She had experience with that. In any case, she felt that having to deal with Patrick was nothing compared to what she put Josh through. ”Thank you, anyway,” she said, her voice silent. ”For defending me.” Even though it was pointless, because Josh couldn’t beat up eveeryone in the world, who were saying the same things and worse, who thought that she should be dead for what she did because a jury wasn’t enough. She’d still taken someone’s life, and it wasn’t something that society could accept. It was something that she could barely accept herself.
Her smile was brighter as Eustace approached them, and she greeted him with a, ”Yeah. Hi!” If she felt pride to be called Josh’s girlfriend, it felt good to hear that she was a good catch, made her stomach tingle in appreciation. He’s a great liar, she thought fondly, because if she was a great catch, there wouldn’t have been as many problems as there had been. She wondered if he knew, but didn’t ask. That would have made everything even more awkward. “Guess I left a good impression.” Nell didn’t know what she did, but she always knew that Josh was better for her than she’d had been for him the past few months. She was very excited to speak of the present she had gotten Annabel. ”Okay, so, I was first thinking food, because food is always a great gift, ya know?” She held up her hands in excited gesticulations as she went on. ”And then I figured, this is Christmas, I want to get something that’ll last, right? Well, I was just going on my merry way in the store…” She moved her fingers in the universal ‘walking’ symbol, animatedly narrating her tale. ”When I saw…a pillow. And not just any pillow. A pillow that looks like a cupcake. It was so cool, I had to get it. I hope she likes it…” Breaking off from her rambling, she looked away for a little bit and blinked before turning back to Josh. ”What are you going to tell your mother?” Oh by the way, I punched your father-in-law and your husband told him to leave. Happy holidays. Jerry Springer crossed the girl’s mind once again.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Nov 30, 2011 4:04:53 GMT -5
Though he had always known that the trial was going to have an affect on the way that people saw Nell, that did not mean that Joshua had to like it. He couldn’t stand the people that called her cold-blooded or heartless, hated when they twisted the story to make it sound like Mia had been an innocent victim and her daughter a vicious witch. They don’t know Nell like I do. It was true that his affections for the girl made him rather biased but all in all he just wished that people would stick to spreading the facts if anything at all rather than mixing them in with the rumours. It was like playing a game of telephone—by the end of the line, the story is nothing compared to how it started. The protective instincts that Joshua had provoked a desire to shield Nell from their cruel comments but at the same time the graduate understood that it was impossible. It frustrated him that there was nothing he could do—why the hell was she the one that had to suffer through all this? Nell wasn’t a bad person, far from it. He knew that she saw herself much differently than how he saw her and he was now starting to understand how one’s self-image could become poisoned. After all, how could you remain optimistic and cheerful when everyone around you was passing judgments and making assumptions? When they were telling you that you deserved worse than death for a crime that you already felt bad enough for? He was absolutely helpless to stop the things that other people said. He could make threats, certainly, but if he got too serious or acted against the wrong person it would be Joshua behind bars. When would there come a time when his support wasn’t enough to keep her away from the edge? What if they’d already reached that point? She certainly wasn’t getting any better.
Anxiety and concern welled up in the pit of his stomach. On the surface, Joshua’s expression and demeanour remained quite the same, not giving any sort of hint to the turmoil within. In the beginning, before people had started finding out about the trial. Josh had worried about this. He’d been afraid that he wouldn’t be capable of handling what was to come, that the stress and pressure of dating a murderer would cause him to crack. His insecurities had steeled themselves over time but now they were starting to come back again. How the hell can we keep it together like this? He was already worried enough about Nell with the way she wasn’t eating as much and her levels of enthusiasm seemed diminished. Other people didn’t seem to take as much notice of this but Joshua was only too aware of it. A part of him wanted to confide in the girl about how hard this was for him, to be selfish and share his internal burden, but he knew that it would do more harm than good. She was going through enough. He didn’t want to end their relationship or cause a fight just because he was lost on how to handle the new developments in the aftermath of the trial. I’m lucky she’s still here. I’m lucky I didn’t lose her. That should be enough. It was what he kept telling himself in order to keep silent about his concerns. “What else could I have done?” he said seriously, bringing his thoughts back to the present in order to answer Nell. “I certainly wasn’t going to let that asshole stand there and run his mouth about you.” He didn’t care how ‘true’ Patrick’s words were, it was the way that he’d spoken them that really riled Josh up. He hated his grandfather—there were a collection of reasons, but this was the icing on the cake.
He was unsure of whether Patricia’s father was aware of the trial, but the readiness with which he greeted her and his cheerful demeanour caused Joshua to conclude that it was unlikely. Even if he accepted that Nell was innocent, like his daughter had, there would have been more of a delay. Or so he assumed, anyway. He only saw his maternal grandparents a few times a year and thus his knowledge of their mannerisms was limited. Still, they beat Patrick by miles. “Of course you did,” he replied. His lips twitched into a half-smile that seemed a little weary. Anger and stress always grated on his nerves and exhausted him quickly—hopefully the large quantities of food at dinner would make up for that. He could already detect the tantalizing scents in the air and deduced that there were a few types of meat, but knew that his mother cared enough about him that she’d adapt and make sure there was enough for everyone. It almost made his mouth water but as he knew there was still a while before dinner he tried to concentrate more on the conversation than on the food. Speaking of food, he rolled his eyes a little and really did smile. “Why am I not surprised that was the first thing you thought of?” Even though food was not having the same effects on the Earth elemental as it once did, it was no shock to her boyfriend that it had been her first thought as a gift. He arched an eyebrow as Nell gesticulated enthusiastically, relaxing as his amusement started to push away the seething anger. It was still there, just much easier to ignore. He loved the way that talking to Nell could calm him down, like a sedative without the drugs. “I’m sure she’ll love it,” he assured her.
Then, regretfully, Nell brought up Patrick. His lips pressed into a thin line and he took a breath to steady himself so that he didn’t flare up at Nell for any reason. It wasn’t her fault that Patrick had provoked them—alright, it was, but he didn’t blame her. He found it very hard to place blame on Nell when so many things that occurred were beyond the realm of her control. He wished she viewed things more like he did in that respect but also knew that trying to change her would do no good. If he wanted her to view herself in a better light, he figured it was best to stick to his subtle tactics. “I think I’ll leave that to my father,” he said. “Don’t worry, she can’t stand him. She won’t be complaining.” Patricia wasn’t the only member of the family that disliked Patrick. In fact, if it weren’t for Donovan he was pretty sure the man wouldn’t have been invited at all. The only other family on Donovan’s side were more distant relatives whom Josh had met only briefly at Marie’s funeral. Great aunts and uncles, their offspring, the like. “How are you holding up?” He knew that she’d had anxieties about coming here to hang around the family that had rejected him in the past because of her and he was slightly worried about how Patrick’s actions had influenced her mood. He’d already dismissed the man’s words but he wasn’t so confident that Nell was doing the same. He wasn’t sure how she felt. Though he knew her very well and could read certain things that others did not, it didn’t mean he was omniscient. He didn’t—couldn’t—know everything.
[x.x I hope this was enough to work with]
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Nov 30, 2011 20:29:49 GMT -5
Nell searched her boyfriend’s eyes, not because she thought he was lying, but because she was wondering. She’s been doing dangerous things like that lately, wondering how much better Josh’s life would be if she just did not exist in it. What are you doing? It took all she had to tear her thoughts away from such thoughts, and answer him, ”Yes, well…” She sighed, as if it took an effort to get the next words out. She was tired too much, all the time. ”At least it went over well.” For Josh, at least. Patrick ended up with a bloody nose, but it could have been Josh who’d gotten in trouble, her that had gotten kicked out, so at least the night was going relatively…well from there? She knew it could be better if she wasn’t around, but again she manhandled her thoughts to keep them from that path, the path that would give light to all her deepest insecurities and have her distance herself from Josh. She was being entirely selfish, wasn’t she? It wasn’t fair to Josh, she knew this, and in this relationship it seemed that all she did was think about herself, and not the man she loved or his family. Oh, she thought about his well-being all the time, but it felt like that wasn’t enough. That she wasn’t doing any good, and she was more or less a parasite. At least he doesn’t know how bad it actually is. She thought back to what he said about not letting Patrick run his mouth, and said so quietly she didn’t know if he would hear her or not, ”But you could have.” It wouldn’t have made much a difference, would it. Even though normally her mood would have gone to shit, she wasn’t sad or upset, but rather stuck in a strange kind of limbo where she was just painfully neutral.
It seemed that Josh was positive that she’d made a good impression, and that it was impossible to think otherwise. She thought it was strange, always did, that he seemed to have faith in her. She smiled fleetingly at Josh’s sarcastic comment, and said, ”I really don’t know. A mystery.” Of course, food was a present some people considered for her, and she felt very bad. Of course she’d eat whatever her friends gave her because she appreciated it, but that didn’t make the pain in her stomach go away, or the overall disinterest in something that once gave her happiness disappear. If you keep going like this, you’ll turn into Tilly. That was not a thought she wanted to entertain, but she’d seen what could happen, lectured Josh about it. She refrained from closing her eyes against the last images of her dying sister, the sunken in eyes, the visible ribcage, the tiny wrists that she could wrap all her fingers around. Nell wanted to remember the good parts about her childhood with the girl, but it was all too easy to linger on the bad things. There were so many of them, it was hard to avoid. I’ll eat again tonight. I can do it. If she forced herself, it would work, right? She hoped so, but she didn’t know anymore. She really didn’t know anything, but that didn’t mean she could avoid thinking about it. Speaking of sisters, her thoughts of Annabel were much easier to deal with, even though she knew that the girl was aware of what had happened in America. ”I really hope so,” she said in an eager voice. It would honestly mean the world to her, but she wasn’t about to get entirely sentimental. However, it was her first, real, free Christmas—she felt she should be allowed to.
She noticed his change in demeanor when she mentioned Patrick, but didn’t take it back. There were just things she couldn’t avoid anymore, and she guessed situations like this was one of them. Could have been worse, she told herself again and again to reassure herself that she didn’t—once again—ruin things for this family. But of course she did, it was what she was best at. Nell didn’t even feel like she deserved to be here, breaking bread with the people she caused so much trouble for. Nell rubbed her arms when she said, ”Well that’s good,” she told him, even though she felt like the situation wasn’t very good at all. It was nothing new. ”I’m sure Christmas dinner would have been better with the entire family, though.” She tried not to let the guilt show, and like with her façade these days, she was pretty good at it. Nell didn’t have too good a concept of family, but she liked to believe through her friends she was getting a better understanding. Everyone was supposed to be together for the holidays, even relatives who hadn’t been seen in years—she ruined that, and she wasn’t even part of the family. A part of her wondered what her grandparents were doing, what her great aunt whom she never met was doing without Jane, if all her distant relatives were sitting down and eating and laughing. And she was here, not quite happy, not quite upset, not quite right, and she managed to ruin a part of her boyfriend’s family’s Christmas. This is why I can’t be taken places, she thought sardonically. Nell felt like she was the plague on every house she stepped into.
How was she holding up? Nell didn’t really know what to say to that for a moment because she was wondering how much of the truth to say. I hate to lie, she thought with a slight grimace. It was true, especially true when it came to Josh, who she felt knew enough about her to be able to tell. She tried not to think about the fact that leaving him in the dark about her depression was as good as lying, and shrugged. ”Better than I thought I would.” She added a smile to that to assure him that it was a good thing and not a lie at all. ”Overall, I’m okay.” She dropped her hands from where they’d been on her arms, and gave him the thumbs up signal. More seriously, she added, ”Not even Patrick can ruin that for me.” He did put a bit of a damper on her mood—or did he, because she couldn’t shake this strange feeling—but her moods were unpreditable as of late, ever-changing as the winds. Maybe because her thoughts were constantly going to different things, running around and going haywire so that she couldn’t possibly decide on one mood other than…exhausted. That wasn’t a mood, but it was the only constant she could put her finger on. Nell’s smile was wry as she asked, ”And you?” He hadn’t spoken to his father much tonight, but she still wondered about it. Of course she would ask about him anyway—it was only natural for her.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Dec 1, 2011 6:00:08 GMT -5
As was usual for Joshua, frustration started to creep up on him, ensnaring his mood and causing his expression to darken just that little bit further. He really did try not to get upset with Nell but it was hard for him sometimes. Everything seemed prone to irritating or infuriating the Fire graduate and when Nell acted like she was not worth as much as he thought, well, that definitely had an affect. A part of him understood that it was counter-productive to get upset with someone who had low self-worth—it only served to make it worse, after all—but he couldn’t help himself. “And what makes you say that?” he countered. He kept his tone carefully neutral, trying not to show the fact that it was grating on his already frayed nerves. This was Patrick’s fault. He would have exhibited a lot more patience during something like this if his grandfather had not come around at all. Sometimes he wished the man were out of his life completely but he couldn’t hope for death. He might have been cruel and callous at times but the idea of wishing someone six feet under the earth was uncomfortable even for him. “I’d be one hell of a terrible boyfriend if I just let everyone say what they liked about you, now wouldn’t I?” He certainly thought so. He didn’t see Nell as some delicate child that needed protecting all the time but he did see her as the girl he loved, and you just didn’t fuck with people that were close to him. It drove him over the edge, made him even worse than usual in terms of his temperament. On top of the years that the old man had spent making snide remarks and comments toward Joshua, insulting Nell was just too far. “I don’t regret it, you know. I fucking hate him.” Hate wasn’t a satisfying enough word but it would have to do.
Joshua actually rolled his eyes and gave her a long look of incredulity. “Better? With Patrick there? You’ve done my family a favour.” He was sure that Patricia would be more than relieved that her father-in-law would not be attending the family celebrations tonight and he was just as pleased about it. He did wish that it would have happened without Nell being insulted in the process but it was at least a fair enough consequence. He didn’t even know why Patrick bothered showing up at all, sometimes. Asshole though he was, Josh was sure he wasn’t dim. He must have known that Donovan was the only family member that didn’t have something against him. Even Annabel had always been a little wary, at least since she’d walked in on he and Josh holding a heated discussion at one point. The man had never done anything to personally insult or belittle his baby sister but she was neither blind nor deaf to the problems he caused the rest of the family. “He’s started fights before right at the dinner table, I’m glad he’s not here to ruin it for us this year.” These fights had never been at Christmas but he avoided telling Nell that so that she would not become suspicious. It wasn’t lying if he just left out a couple of the details, right? Patrick really was known for the issues he provoked. Besides, Josh felt a lot more relaxed now that he knew the man wasn’t going to be in attendance. After the whole worry about hanging around with his father and having Nell there was assuaged, Patrick had been his largest concern. Though the man might have been able to craftily avoid starting anything at most Christmas celebrations, Joshua was not so controlled. His temper likely would have gotten the better of him whether Nell was there or not.
He was glad to see her smiling even if he did have his doubts about it. It couldn’t be easy to have people call her out for her crimes but he was going to take her word for it so that it didn’t eat away at him for the rest of the night. He was a pessimist but he really wanted to believe that she was okay, at least for the moment, so he would. “I’m…” He trailed off, thinking about that. He’d been about to tell her that he was absolutely fine and fucking dandy like he always did when she inquired about things like this but it would have been an outright lie. Sighing, he said, “I can’t pretend I’m not a bit upset with what happened—not at you, I promise—but I’ll be alright. I just need a few minutes to calm down.” Nell knew him, she knew what his anger issues were like. Hopefully her inside information about his moods would clue her in on what he was talking about. The shaking was at least subsiding and he wasn’t as frustrated as he had been minutes previously but the cool-down would likely last him for another hour or so. I’ll need to be careful around the family. He didn’t want them to know that anything was wrong in case they asked questions, an almost surefire way to rile him up quickly. He hated when he was questioned about himself and about his moods by someone he did not absolutely trust. Oh, he loved his family, but trust for him was a different issue entirely. He had never felt like he could confide in Donovan and he didn’t want Patricia or Annabel to worry themselves too much about them. The rest were people he rarely spoke to even during regular times and so he’d never feel the need to confess his issues aloud to them.
Once in the living room, he sat down on the couch and gestured for Nell to stay with him. He tried to keep things light and cheerful as they waited for dinner—not wanting to spoil the holiday for anyone—and so he carefully avoided the subject of Patrick for the rest of the night. He introduced Nell to all the people in the family she’d not yet been acquainted with and was relieved to see that the news hadn’t quite reached everyone yet. If it had, they weren’t making the connection that the Nell their relative was acquainting them with was also the would-be convicted murderer. At last, after what felt like ages to Josh thanks to the fact that he was quite hungry, his aunt came into the living room. “Dinner’s ready,” she said, retreating back to whence she’d came. She wasn’t a very social or talkative woman but that was alright with him. He was feeling much better now and the anger had pretty much worn off so he grinned at his girlfriend and stood. “Time to go terrify the feast, hmm?” He chuckled and gave her a swift peck on the lips before leading the way into the dining room. He gave his father a brief but awkward half-smile as he sat down close to him, leaving the other space open for Nell of course. It was where he always sat during formal family affairs but it felt strange to be in such familiarity, like he was out of place. Stop it, he scolded himself as he started to dish food onto his plate, taking a larger helping than usual due to hunger. There was ham as well as turkey, something that looked like chicken, potatoes, many different kinds of vegetables and some sort of pasta that he poked at uncertainly. “That one’s meatless,” his mother assured him, and he nodded before adding some. “Has the Chinese made its way out?” he asked his girlfriend, smirking a bit.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 1, 2011 19:11:59 GMT -5
Nell’s lips quirked into a wan smile, sensing Josh’s irritation. She always thought it best to let his anger blow over, to deal with it until it ebbed. She guessed it was lucky that she was never really bothered by things like tempers—she couldn’t say she understood it thanks to an incredibly long fuse, but she could deal with it. Especially with Josh. It was easy to accept his faults, because they were minor to her in comparison to all the great things about him. ”It’s nothing,” she said dismissively, quietly. It certainly wasn’t anything worth arguing with Josh over. Especially because she didn’t want to put her concerns into words. She tilted her head, bangs falling into her vision. ”Yeah,” she said, her tone now unreadable. Let them say what they wan, Josh. It doesn’t change anything about me.” Was it strength or resignation that these words spoke of? She counted on the latter. Nell knew who she was, but it didn’t hurt any less to hear others’ opinions of her. Definitely didn’t help in the self-esteem department. Instead of voicing the pain, she was putting up a strong front. Nothing gets in and nothing gets out. ”I guess so.” Her voice was still soft as she considered his words. She’d made it clear to Patrick how well she’d taken to his trolling about her boyfriend’s sexuality before, so she could understand. But still…still…she didn’t think she liked it. Nell said nothing about him not regretting it, just nodded pensively, staring down at the hands folded before her. The circles her thumbs drew around each other. Tried not to think of how much she didn’t want to be here. Anywhere but here. Preferably in bed. She shook off how uncomfortable she was, though, willing herself out of these little ruts she found herself in even when she got herself out. Usually, after the initial part of getting herself outside, all went well. Nell hadn’t been counting on Patrick.
But she let it go. Patrick didn’t mean anything to her, so she tried to use that to convince herself not to think too long on what he said. However much he didn’t mean anything to her, he meant something to this family. ”I don’t know…I just thought, Christmas is a big deal with all family. No matter who they were. I guess…” She shook out her hair and averted her gaze. It was embarrassing, how little she felt she knew about pretty much everything. Even holidays. Her memories hadn’t been much. They were of small Christmas trees when her father was still around, quiet evenings trying not to disturb her blacked out mother, lights strung around the doors of the library. Any family meal was impossible. The Sinclairs feasting with the Fuenteses was like the Montagues and Capulets kicking back to watch a football game. It just didn’t happen, because if it did, a fight would be inevitable. Things were dysfunctional in each family, as far as she knew. The Fuenteses pretended to have it pretty together, but the Sinclairs didn’t even try. But then again, neither family invited the worse part of them for celebration, the outcasts, the black sheep. That’s what she’d been, that’s what her parents had been, and that’s what her grandparents had been. She was suffering for that, she supposed, but it didn’t much matter anway. She didn’t care about her family, just like they didn’t care about her. It hurt, looking at the people in Josh’s house and knowing she couldn’t have that, but it was just something she needed to accept and move on from. Her lack of family made her pause in saying anything else that may have been ignorant, dropping her hand from her hair. ”I guess I have the whole old-fashioned nuclear family around the table image in my head.” Nell didn’t know better. She didn’t have anything to base her opinions off of. She just knew that normal families usually stuck with each other, dealt with each other, loved each other. But Nell knew that not every family was perfect, even the Dales had cracks. That was how the world worked.
Of course Nell was ready for the fine answer, because everything was always fine, and sometimes now it made her bitter to think about. It scared her, the bitterness, because it was something she’d only felt toward her father before. People telling other people that they’re fine is what screwed everything up. That’s why Jane stopped talking to Mia, because everything was fine and the younger sister kept pushing her away. And she knew she was in the process of doing it to her father now, and she was ashamed to admit as such. She got tired of it, weary to hear the words. That’s why she was glad to at least have an explanation. Nell rested a hand on his ar for a moment, a fleeting smile on her lips. She noticed the shaking, but didn’t comment on it. ”Let’s just try to enjoy the rest of the night, right?” She liked to be the optimist, to fall back into the spot no matter how she felt about herself right then. She wanted Josh to forget about his grandfather, because it was obvious that it upset him. To her, at least. And this was Christmas, something that was supposed to be a special time for celebration and all that good stuff. She may not have believed in the religious aspects because she adhered to no faith system, but she liked the idea of it, the rituals. It was something new to her, and she realized, something that she would have years of getting the hang of. It won’t always be this bad, she told herself. You won’t always feel like this. It was really hard to believe when she didn’t have anywhere to look forward to, no idea of what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. ”We’ve still got food to eat, and that’s something to look forward to.” Her smile was very bright, even though she was rather ashamed of the actress she had become. Jane is rubbing off on me. She didn’t even like to consider that thought.
Nell was eager to meet the Josh’s relatives, in spite of everything, because her love for people would never dimish, despite what they may or may not know about her. She was curious and always loved to hear about them, even stories about families she wasn’t a part of. It was even better to talk to Josh, and she was getting very good with everything, pretending that life wasn’t as it should be. It felt nice. But hearing that dinner was ready made her hopes sink, something that the prospect of food had never done before. I’m not hungry. Why am I not hungry? The desperateness choked her up for a moment, but luckily she wasn’t talking, only nodded at Josh’s words and smiled after his mouth briefly met hers. Yes. Terrify. Her heart felt as if it took a swan dive into her stomach with how guilty she felt. She wouldn’t be something to fear that nighht, any night, and she hated it. It wasn’t like she wanted this, that she wanted to not eat, and having an empty and hurting stomach made her curl up to sleep rather than deal with the tears. She never cried, and yet there were now moments when tears caught her off-guard. Like now, as she sat and tried to keep her thoughts at bay, her eyes from watering. You’re being ridiculous, it’s not big deal. But it was to her. And she couldn’t tell Josh how scared she was because she didn’t want him to be scared, too. It was going through the motions, with even more finesse than she believed herself capable of. Her smiles were genuine, but the enthusiasm for the food she took was feigned. She was getting good at faking it, and she almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all. She wanted to eat, she still loved food, but it made her sick. ”I guess so,” Nell said, proud that she could finish off mashed potatoes easily. They were palatable to her now-sensitive stomach. Sensitive. My stomach is never sensitive. ”Everything’s just so good.” She couldn’t stop from berating herself, from thinking, Then why aren’t you getting a mountain on your plate like you usually do? She assuaged herself, thinking that the food actually was really good, it was just her fault.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Dec 2, 2011 4:16:28 GMT -5
His brows pulled together and a frown tugged his lips as Joshua noticed her discomfort, even though he wasn't immediately attuned to what it was about. He almost wanted to ask her if she was alright but understood that if something was wrong she would likely disregard it in favour of keeping the mood light. He often wished that she would pay more attention to her own needs as opposed to those around her but it was a lost cause, it seemed. I'll just need to look out for her instead. Couples did that, right? It was considered normal to care? He didn't like the idea of being too overbearing but sometimes he couldn't help his assertive and dominant personality traits from kicking in. He'd grown up selfish and used to getting things his way and even though he was considerate enough to recognise her rights and independence that didn't mean he had to like how little she valued herself. As she went on, his frown deepened for a moment while he analysed what she meant. Family around the table? Then he recalled the obvious—she'd never had the makings of a 'normal' family. His gray gaze softened a little as he disregarded his previous frustration with her. "Ha, I wish." It was light and almost joking. The frown vanished behind a brief smile as he placed a hand on her shoulder for comfort. "Patrick is Patrick, holidays or not." He was still very much conscious of the fact that he'd left out details on his grandfather's usual behaviour during the holidays but didn't amend this or go back on his words. He tried to start something with Nell. There's a first for everything, we probably just prevented a worse fight. Using his ability to talk himself out of any guilt or blame could be useful, even if it wasn't always the best decision.
He nodded at her words. It was all too easy to coax himself into a state of false hope and optimism for the rest of the night because Josh was all too eager to get away from the anger and the bitterness. He did notice the way she mentioned looking forward to food and this made him almost hopeful. Does that mean she's getting better? His desperation for Nell to be alright again clung to these words. He wasn't sure whether or not that was the correct interpretation but hope was all he had right now. He didn't know if she was taking the anti-depressants—out of respect for her privacy, he'd ignored the space under the sink and the subject in order to allow her to continue as she was in secret. More than anyone else, Josh could understand a need for secrecy. He'd kept himself to himself for years because of what had happened when he'd leant his trust to others and even though their situation was vastly different he still had enough decency that he could let it alone. She didn't want me to know, after all. It hurt sometimes to know that she was hiding so much from him but he tried not to dwell on it. She probably just wanted to protect him, right? Honestly, if Nell were a manipulative and sneaky bitch, his love for her probably would have shielded such flaws. Just as when he'd overheard her unwilling confession Joshua had a strong desire to believe the best in her. Not because he was an optimist but because after the gang, she was the first person he allowed to get that close. He didn't want to accept that he could have made the wrong decision again and so he just pushed the idea away.
This desire to believe also made the excuses for Nell that evening, helping Nell and hindering Joshua. He did take notice of the fact that her plate was not piled high but also immediately started to 'rationalize' this. Well, she did eat over at her father's, right? Even Nell doesn't have a bottomless pit for a stomach. Yet there was still a prickle of doubt. I've seen her eat more than two meals a day plenty of times. Is that really right...? He didn't like the thought. It provoked all sorts of questions and anxieties as he started to doubt her again and so his desperation rushed to her defence once again. It won't be instantaneous. She'll need to readjust to eating a lot. Maybe she's taking it slow. It was an incredibly open-ended and loose way out but he took it in order to relax himself and remain at peace with the evening. "Isn't it? Mum and Aunt Kelly are awesome cooks." Trish smiled at him and even Kelly looked a little flattered. Grinning a bit, he leaned closer and added in a low whisper, "Of course, my mother is much better, but..." The light in his gray eyes was enough to suggest that he was only kidding. He had no idea who had made what or whether Kelly had even helped out at all—for all he knew, she'd just been hanging around to talk to her half-sister. The Fire elemental kept stealing glances toward his father to monitor the man's mood but he didn't seem to be feeling particularly sour. He even participated in the conversations and in his relief at the lack of anger toward Nell Joshua allowed himself to join in. He still was not sure how he felt about Donovan but when it came to his family Josh had always been far too quick to forgive.
The dinner gathering broke up slowly, several people staying at the table to continue their animated discussions even after they'd cleaned their plates and filled their stomachs. Out of respect for the fact that they were the hosts—even though this year Joshua was technically a guest himself—he remained behind until at last his parents stood up and started toward the living room following Annabel's excited insistence. He smiled lightly at Nell and nodded toward the blonde. "She's like this every year." He could vaguely remember a time when Christmas had made him that excited, that impatient to get the formalities out of the way and start tearing wrapping paper off everything in sight. The enthusiasm had faded slightly as years progressed but he still enjoyed the holiday quite a lot. It had always been important to him. He stuck close with Nell even in the large room, silently enjoying the fact that his family would look at her as his girlfriend rather than just some random guest. He wasn't a braggart or a show off but he at least thought that Nell was a good catch regardless of what she thought of herself. As Annabel commanded most of the attention when opening a gift given to her by Eustace and Willy, Joshua handed Nell a carefully wrapped box—though the gift was in no way large, he didn't want it to be too obvious of course. "Merry Christmas," he said with a bit of a grin. Anyone who knew his spending habits might have been surprised by the fact that he could be generous and thoughtful on Christmas. He blamed his parents for constantly drilling the important of it into him. "Plane tickets," he explained after she had opened it. "For Spain. I remember once that you said you'd have liked to go and, well, with the trial over you're free to go anywhere you want." He figured that it would have a dual sort of significance—it was not only something she might have wanted, but something that signified freedom. He wanted that for her, wanted her to be happy. That was important.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 2, 2011 22:48:35 GMT -5
Nell felt a little uncomfortable at the dinner table, but it wasn’t anything too bad. She wasn’t a shy person, and made conversation easily, even with strangers. That was never going to change. At least, she hoped not. It may not be easy to tell what others knew about her (and God, did that always hurt), but she knew how she felt about people, and it was a lot of love. She was tempted to feed Quartz, but she didn’t see the dog lurking around anywhere. And she was pretty sure that the cats wouldn’t be able to consume as much, even though Pablo had a great appetite. Don’t be a rude guest, she argued against such thoughts. She may have entertained the thoughts for a moment, but she would never follow through. That was rather disrespectful to who made the meal, and she always made sure to be a good guest, whether the hosts would notice or not. Whether it makes a difference, with me being a murderer, she thought dryly, unable to help herself. She couldn’t stop the thoughts that were beating up on her own psyche, and she really didn’t even try anymore. Because it felt like she deserved it, with how much she was realizing about herself—how much she hated there. Nell tilted her head at Josh and told the women, ”Ever see Top Chef? I bet you could compete. Tag-team.” Nell nodded sagely at this and held back chuckles when Josh made his aside comment. She was actually enjoying herself, even though the fact that she couldn’t eat as much as she wanted was really wearing on her. It was always harder to ignore the pains in her stomach when she was faced with food, faced with the thing itself, and in such large amounts. She was eating, at least, of which she was very proud.
Nell waited with Joshua for everyone to clear, somewhat more silent than usual, using food as an excuse. Took longer to eat as well. Oh well, two meals is good, right? As often as she tried not to think about it, the more she pushed it to the side, the more it made its way back into her brain to haunt her. She wanted to get better. She didn’t want any of this. Once again, Nell was caught up in the war of her indecision—should she tell Josh or not? He deserves to know, he’s living with me. I love him. It was also that love keeping her from revealing everything that was on her mind, the love that prevented her from speaking words that would give Josh more to deal with. He already had his own baggage and enough of her own on top of that. So she convinced herself that what she was doing was right, even noble. He doesn’t need to deal with that. Instead of slipping back into her thoughts, she watched Annabel with a warm smile quirking her lips. ”I can imagine,” she said with a laugh. She sometimes let herself wonder what it was like, being born into privilege. She didn’t envy Annabel—she loved the girl too much to do so—but there was always a yearning for something she could never have. There was a tug that she couldn’t control. And she also couldn’t work the cogs of time. Even if she could, nothing would have changed. She’d have never been accepted as family into the fold of the Sinclairs or Fuenteses. ”I wonder if Santa got her everything she wanted,” Nell said with a wink at Josh. There was a time she believed in the magic fat man who somehow fit through chimneys…until Tilly debunked it. “We don’t have a chimney, Nell,” she had said gravely, dropping the nickname to prove just how serious she actually was. “Besides, I saw the wrapping paper in the closet.” Nell had stared at her twin with wide eyes, and the other girl gave her a small smile like a mother, before she had told her about other myths that were true.
Nell stared up at Josh when he gave her the present, and her lips curved upward. She gingerly ran a fingernail underneath the wrapping, never having been accustomed to wildly tearing off the paper she always thought looked so pretty. Nell opened it and blinked, looking up at Josh when he spoke. Her eyes were wide before she looked back down at the tickets, thumbing the box. It felt like her heart had stuttered ot a complete stop, even though she was aware of how dangerous that could be. Free. She could get a passport and fly to Spain, and no one would stop her. She could go wherever she wanted. It was a strange feeling to realize this—a combination of elation and melancholy. Nell didn’t understand the second feeling, chalked it up to her moods lately. ”I don’t even remember mentioning it,” she said with a soft smile. He always seems to remember the silliest things. Nell knew she probably had, with how much she wanted it. She wanted to go to many places, but before the trial the prospect had been a pipe dream. She wrapped her arms around Josh’s next, box still in hand as she kissed his cheek and drew back with that same smile. ”Thank you, Josh,” she said, wondering if he knew how much it meant to her. But he must have, since he’d gotten it. He understood how important this emancipation had been for her. She’d spent her entire life in the same house, the walls less a shelter and more of a hell. And when she escaped it, she wasn’t truly free. As usual, the odd sensation of crying bubbled forth, burning at her throat, but she supressed it. Instead it was replaced by excitement as she held the tickets to her chest. ”Oh, I’d love to see the mosques, and the ruins in Merida, and Barcelona, and Toledo…” Most of what she knew about Spain came from her father and books and honestly she felt it to be one of the most eclectic cultures, and she was glad to be a part of it. "Really, you didn't have to do this..." She trailed off, and it was apparent that she was touched by the gesture.
Tickets. Plural. She looked back at Josh after glancing at her gift again, and asked, her lips twitching in amusement, ”Will you be accompanying me?” It would be quite an interesting trip, and Nell would love to have Josh along, experiencing all the culture. He had a major in history, and one could definitely find history in that country. She thought of the varying landscapes, the countryside and the palm trees and the loveliness of it all, and she iagined lots of sunshine and brightness. Spain was full of easygoing folk, as her father had told her, and they enjoyed every little bit of life they got. I’m not much of a Spaniard, huh, she thought sardonically. It was what she’d been doing before the trial, filling her days to the brim, and now…now she spent most of her time sleeping a lifetime of trauma off. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she tilted her head as her eyes glittered. “I almost don’t want to give you my present now,” she said with a note of glee. Nell couldn’t exactly afford much, now that she was keeping her hands mostly off of her father’s bank account. She really was keeping him at arm’s length in every way. Which meant she paid her own way for everything. She had her tuition together, so gifts were a little challenging this year, but nothing she couldn’t deal with. All she wanted to do was make everyone in her life happy, and with her state of mind she had to be careful—money was never an object when it came to her friends. It could mean trouble, especially since she didn’t like to entertain the thought of falling back on her father. Even now that she passed the bitter stage, she was still independent. With an innocently teasing voice, she asked, ”So do you still want it?”
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Dec 3, 2011 8:40:35 GMT -5
He chuckled a little at her comment on Santa, remembering how quickly that myth had been squashed for him. He read a lot even as a younger child and had believed that there was an explanation for everything so he had doubted the existence of a fat man that could squeeze himself through an incredibly tight chimney or a sleigh full of reindeer that pawed on the roof. Besides, he'd never really made 'lists', just mentioned things he wanted in passing and his parents had always seemed to just know. He'd suspected it and had actually snuck out from his room and caught them in the act of moving things under the tree and such. It hadn't really bothered him—he'd actually been rather proud of himself for figuring it out. He'd allowed Annabel to go on believing it until she was around nine or ten and a friend had told her the truth, thus ruining that for her. "She'll probably be happy with whatever." After all, they really did have a life of privilege. If Annabel wanted something badly enough, all she had to do was ask. If her parents didn't purchase it for her then Joshua most likely would, being sucked into the older brother guilt trip. "But I want it, Joshy! Please? You love me, right?" He was a bit soft when it came to his sister and so usually gave in eventually unless it was something that their parents were really not alright with. He wanted to please his sister but he didn't want to go against any sort of rule that Patricia and Donovan had put in place. "Poor girl. When we were younger I used to stay up with Mum and Dad and help them eat the cookies." He grinned a little at the memory. They'd send him to bed when they were getting read to wrap the presents, though, and he always respected that. He appreciated the surprise in the morning.
It made him feel good to know that she appreciated the gift, his lips tugging into a small smile as she confessed to not remembering the mention. "It just stuck with me, I guess." He tended to have a good memory for that kind of thing and he was always glad of it when it came to things like this. If he hadn't remembered her desire to visit Spain he probably wouldn't have had an idea of what to get her. Of course he'd have come up with something eventually but he liked the sort of meaning that this seemed to have behind it. To Josh, it was important that she understood he wasn't just shelling out money for the sake of spending and in making sure he considered why he got something for a certain person, he lessened the chances of that happening. His smile widened a little when Nell wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek, appreciating that closeness as much as he could. He'd never been the type that was big on hugging his friends and family but it was a lot different when it was with Nell. He found he liked the physical affection even if it was just something as simple as a hug for thanks. "You're welcome," he said sincerely, glad that she liked it. Not that he'd had too many anxieties—his biggest worry had been that she'd changed her mind about Spain or something but he didn't usually beat himself up about things like that. He was a pessimist in some things but he was also confident enough in his decisions that they didn't usually plague him with doubt. Still, that didn't lessen how awesome it felt to have a gift well-recieved.
His gray eyes were light with amusement as he listened to her gush about all the places that she'd like to visit, his confidence in the gift growing by the second. This was it—this was exactly what he had wanted to see. The happiness and gratitude seemed to be genuine at the moment. Even if it wore off, at least he got to experience it for a moment. "I know I didn't have to," he assured her, brushing a hand against her cheek in a gesture of affection. "I wanted to." This was why he liked Christmas, why for him it was one of the best holidays out there. Birthdays weren't too special—even though he got gifts and appreciated them greatly, he couldn't see his friends and family and their reactions when they got something in return. It made him feel good when he touched someone with a thoughtful gift and he saw them smiling, it brought with it that sense of satisfaction and worth. Though confident, he did have doubts on occasion about how good a friend he was being—mostly because of his temper and his lack of selflessness. He didn't care that he was selfish at times but sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if other people did. This assuaged those concerns and doubts almost immediately. "I'm glad you like it," he said honestly. Then she noted that there was more than one ticket and his lips twitched. "Only if you want," he said. "I wouldn't be offended if you preferred to go alone or even with someone else, but I'd like to accompany you if you'd want that." He wanted to see her face when she explored the cities and the culture and admittedly he was curious about it himself. He was trying not to be selfish, though, and leaving this up to Nell.
He chuckled at her comment. "I want to see what you've gotten me, though," he said with a grin. How much money went into something usually wasn't an object for Joshua. He didn't care if someone spent five dollars or five hundred dollars—it was more the fact that people thought to get him something that mattered. That wasn't to say he wouldn't be a little exasperated if he ended up with something like socks but hey, it was still a gift. He wasn't an overwhelmingly nice person so apart from his immediate family who were practically obligated to gift one another during the holidays, gifts from his circle of friends were nice. "Of course I do," he said. "You've got me all curious about it!" The private moment they'd shared during the start of gift exchanging had almost eliminated the fact that there were others in the room from his mind—he didn't even notice that Patricia had been observing their interaction with a bit of a smile on her face. It wasn't until Annabel surprised Nell with another one of her kamikaze hugs that he was jolted back to the reality that they were in a very full living room. "You need to stop doing that," he advised her, but it was affectionate. "Thank you for the present, Nelly," the blonde said enthusiastically, ignoring her older brother's amused warning. He'd actually forgotten that she was opening her gifts. "Now for yours," she said importantly, glancing at Josh and then flouncing back over to the large pile. "She opened yours before mine," Josh said and dramatically placed a hand over his heart. "You should feel honoured." He was kidding, of course, and smiling because the evening felt a lot less stressful now.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 3, 2011 22:11:16 GMT -5
This was Nell’s first real, free Christmas, and even though she wished she could make it different, make it better, she believed that she was doing very well. She wondered if Josh realized how uch his gesture meant to her, for so many reasons. One of them was the fact that she’d never been gifted like this before. Her father’s record was very thoughtful, and now Josh’s was even more so, and it felt like the first time she’d ever been simply given something so kind. Did she deserve it? For once, she didn’t care. The good feeling needed to last, and she wouldn’t let her own self-doubt burst her bubble. She smiled when she felt his hand on her cheek, thoughts still on how happy she was in this moment. Just this moment. And it was a sad thought. Why can’t it be every moment? She wanted this happiness all the time, like it used to be when she could enjoy even the smallest of things. And there were small things she still enjoyed, it was getting her up to do them that was the problem. ”You’re my first choice,” she said enthusiastically, and she wasn’t lying. It wasn’t just because he’d gotten her the tickets, either, but because he was the most important person in her life. ”I’m sure you’d love it! I’ve never been there, but I’ve only heard good things about it....probably because of my family, but honestly, it'll be great.” She laughed when she said this, and it must have been what the holiday spirit felt like. Christmastime in Spain was a celebration in the streets, as were most things in the country, and she wondered how many people around the world were having a good time now.
She sighed, as if caught by indecision when Josh spoke of his present. "I guess I should, since I'm at least pretty sure that you'll like it." Nell didn’t mind the surprise tackle-hugs, even though they did catch her off-guard for a moment. Her breath came out in an “oof!” that quickly became soft laughter. ”You’re welcome, Annabel,” she said, not stopping the smile that spread across her lips, because felt very good about this day. No, Patrick couldn’t ruin that, her depression couldn’t ruin it, because in this moment she was truly happy. She allowed herself to enjoy it, not think about how the next day she would still be tired, and even the day after that. When she thought about it that way, her future became very frightening. ”Oh, you’re jealous,” she said sympathetically, feigned worry pulling her eyebrows together. Her expression smoothed over, as she smiled innocently. ”It’s okay, I’m sure she’ll love your present, even though mine was so super fantastically awesome.” Nice how she could so easily joke around, and she couldn’t feel the exhaustion or the ache in her stomach or anything really. It was like she’d been numbed—even eating hadn’t upset her stomach as much as she thought it would. That was a good sign, right? It’s going to be okay from here on out. Except that it’s not, and you know it. The thought was crushing and brought her back to reality. It didn’t effect her jovial mood, just made her wistful for a moment. What will make her happy forever then? How can she get back to normal, when being with her boyfriend and having a lovely night full of warmth and merriment couldn’t give her that? Her mind wandered back to the drugs she didn’t want to take—is that all she could really do?
Free to move, she tilted her head and said, ”About that present of yours…” Nell went to fetch her bag, and pulled out a smaller one, almost wanting to make a comment about her Canadian nesting bags. ”Feliz Navidad.” Her smile was bright, and she did feel like a Christmas light. She gave it to him and said, ”I tried to get whatever you might like, but I think I went overboard…”She scratched the back of her head, squinting a little. Inside was a stocking filled with as much candy as she could find. Of course, once she saw one thing, she had to get other bags and the thrill of it meant that a lot of cnady probably fell out of the stocking and into the bag. Nell didn’t think he’d ind though. She thought that stockings were pretty cool. Of course, they may have been normal for people who celebrated Christmas before, but even when she did, they had no mantel to hang the stockings on. Of course, the gift wasn’t much. She knew that Josh loved candy, though, and that’s all she needed. For someone that loved expensive things, she would spend more, but she knew Josh didn’t just love money. Well, he must like all that he had, anyone would. However, that wasn’t all that he loved, and thank God. It would be a worry if he only enjoyed being rich.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Dec 4, 2011 14:09:38 GMT -5
It cheered him immensely to hear that enthusiasm in her voice—so much that it took a couple of extra seconds for Joshua to actually register that she wanted him to come along. He was already smiling, however, and so guessed that she'd probably take this as eagerness to accompany her. It was a little bit of that, too, but it was mostly just joy that he had at least succeeded in his constant mission for a little while. When would it wear off? He was of course hopeful that it would stick but wasn't enough of an optimist to believe this. For now, I'll take what I can get. "Then I guess I'm going to Spain," he said, his smile widening. He was rather excited about the prospect of drinking in all of the culture and history of the country as well as just spending some vacation time with Nell. It would be nice to take some time away from Canada and all the stresses that it currently held for the both of them. Free or not, that didn't mean that Nell's life was perfect and sunny. Josh's wasn't, either, and it wasn't all because of her. He had his parents to worry about, his sister, his future. He also had to worry about school, which was always something present in his mind. It was hard not to think about college even during all of the other things he was dealing with. "Well, I'm not as biased," he said, "but I'll have to agree with you. It sounds like a really nice place to go." He was being genuine and sincere with his words. "Mind you, we've still got a bit of planning to do. I didn't get a chance to book hotels or anything as I wasn't sure who you planned to take." He winked at her, his mood light. "But we've got time and I've got the money, so we can work that out as soon as possible."
If Nell had any sort of concerns on whether or not he would enjoy the gift, she certainly had nothing to worry about. Joshua was practically notorious amongst his friends and family for his massive sweet tooth and so a large stash of candy was perfect for that. It only encouraged his ways and someone who was a bit more of a health nut might have been a little wary or disappointed but not the boy himself. "This is great," he said enthusiastically, grinning. He set it down for a moment in order to give her a proper hug, pressing his lips to hers very briefly as he pulled away. Poking gentle and teasing fun at how she'd said Feliz Navidad as opposed to Merry Christmas, he winked at her and said, "Merci." Even though he was pretty sure she could infer what it meant, he added, "It means 'thank you'." And it was as sincere as his enthusiasm had been because she was right in assuming that money wasn't the only thing that mattered to him. He had that, had all the cash a person could ever want—or, well, at least as much as he himself wanted. He had grown up with privilege and riches so just shelling out thousands of dollars on a present was almost pointless if it had no meaning behind it. Nell, on the other hand, appeared to know him quite well. Books and candy were always safe bets for the Fire graduate. They might not have cost a lot of money but they were things he could and most certainly would put to good use.
As they had finished their own exchange, Joshua now relaxed on one of the numerous couches in the living room in order to enjoy the rest of the celebrations. Both Annabel and Joshua had recieved a large amount of presents from their various relatives—some useful, some not as much. Not wanting Nell to feel too left out, he allowed her to share in his experiences by trying out a lot of the things with her. Annabel had gotten a remote control plane from Eustace, who apparently had a thing for them, and he was forced to duck several times—laughing in good nature—as she tried to figure out how to steer it. Quartz was barking and chasing it around enthusiastically. He could see Eris 'sharpening' her claws on a pile of wrapping paper and Picasso curled up under the tree but assumed his other two cats had wanted to stay out of the action. Donovan surprised Joshua with his thoughtfulness—he'd gotten him a collection of mint reproductions of popular documents in Canadian history. It might have seemed like a nonsensical gift but to Josh it showed that the man actually listened sometimes. Certainly enough to understand his interest in history. Again he was faced with the confusion as gratitude and affection conflicted with his resentment. Why did his relationship with Donovan have to be so complicated? He was glad when he could finally relax again as everyone started to take their leave, knowing that he and Nell would have to get going soon as well. It feels strange, not staying. Still, he didn't regret his decision to depart with Nell. The holidays might have put him in better spirits but they could not eliminate the awkwardness completely. "Thanks for coming tonight, Nell," he told his girlfriend earnestly. "It really meant a lot to me."
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