-- OUT OF MY HANDS [Josh]

[LARK MARIE HARPER]

I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts
Forgetting comes easy
I never cared at all
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain

It was a gorgeous August afternoon at the park in Maple Hollow. Dark brown eyes watched with interest as children took to playing on the playground, their parents laughing and chatting amiably with one another nearby. There were some kids playing Frisbee further out on the grass, and closer by were some people having a picnic in the warm summer sun. Chin resting in palm, the Fire girl could not help but emit a bit of a sigh as she sat on the bench taking in the scenes around her. A few minutes before she had decided to text Josh and ask him if he wanted to hang out for a while; she was interested in letting him know how the meeting with Ashton went and that everything seemed to be looking up. It was strange though. The more Lark thought about it, the more she realized how quickly the Earth leader coaxed her into talking. The words just fell from her lips like a waterfall, almost uncontrollable. At the time she did not dwell on it all that much because she was absorbed in the conversation, but now that the day had passed Lark started to take notice of the differences. Why was he able to make her so talkative? It bothered the girl to no end, and thought she could explain it but was afraid to do so, even with herself.

Fortunately, Lark brought with her a beautiful distraction and pulled her acoustic guitar out of its hard case. It was well taken care of but the markings on the wood and splotches of red along the frets were obvious signs of heavy use. Her fingers did not bleed as much anymore, but if she played long enough it was possible. Once the girl was sure the instrument was tuned she began to play; after singing and playing in front of Josh the confidence began to surface, allowing Lark the chance to try and play out in public. She was not going to sing today, but figured playing the guitar was good enough. She leaned back against the bench and plucked the strings beneath her fingers, completely absorbed in the feeling on her skin and the sound it emitted. The way it cradled in her lap, the smile on her face was pure happiness. The weird ramblings in her brain were still nagging, but the sound of the guitar managed to drown them out to a small degree. Lark was grateful for that. Instead she tried to to think of how things would be once her switch was official, and what all went along with that.

Joshua was the main reason she took up her new alliance, but there were so many other perks. Nell was there, and she could converse with her freely and whenever she wanted. Although she and the Water kid from class were not exactly friends at least now there was no nagging feeling of guilt for conversing with him. It was amusing that she nearly beat his face in upon their first encounter, and it ended with a few snarky remarks and the bomb diffused. The kid could be annoying as fuck, but she had to wonder if he had been a Fire or a Thunder, would her response have been the same? And of course Ashton, the person who so willingly vouched for her even with the littlest amount of information. She smiled. The Earths and Waters--well, the Earths mostly--were a group she was willing to get to know. She would protect them, and stand by their side. They were worth it to her. She had had enough of the hostility, the anger, the hatred. Home gave Lark enough of that to last her a lifetime. It was time to find the people that made you a better person, and she found them on the other side. Humming a little tune with a faint smile, Lark eagerly awaited the arrival of her best friend. The switch was yet to come, but Lark already felt better seeing Josh in the open.

There's just too much pain
Falling to pieces get swept away
Left all our pictures some to fade
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long
I will be strong

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Joshua's expression was set into a fierce scowl as he hefted the racket in his hands, watching the ball with such an intensity that it was a miracle it didn't burst into flame. He could recall a few times that had happened in his childhood but thankfully his power control saved him today. With expert precision he drew back his hand and then brought it forward, racket and ball connecting with a loud crack! that echoed around the tennis court. The answering echo from the other side of the court was the first indication that his opponent had returned his shot. They went back and forth like this for several minutes, neither gaining ground over the other. Though Joshua was usually an amiable sport that could hold a conversation whilst playing a match of tennis, he did not speak now. Nor did his father as the man hit the ball toward him yet again. Josh's wrist hurt by now and his entire arm was starting to ache from the force of the blows but he did not complain, merely took a small step to the side and hit it back. He watched as it flew past Donovan and slammed into the back of the tennis cage, rolling back toward him and under the net, where Joshua stepped on it with his foot to stop it's path. "Ha," he said, a tad breathless from the intensity. "I win."

"This time," said Donovan. "You won't be so lucky the next." Then they both tossed their rackets down and relaxed as if they hadn't been trying to settle such a vicious score a moment ago. Rather than solving their arguments with violence, father and son had found tennis to be a rather valuable catalyst for winning a dispute. They went back to the house and sat in the kitchen, drinking water and looking back on the faults of the match with laughter. "How is school?" asked his father. "I'm managing, you know me." Donovan regarded him for a moment, then nodded. "And your job?" The older man had been one of the first Joshua had told when he'd been hired at the home. He'd been quite proud of himself for getting the position. "It's going well. It's tiring, but I like it. How's Mum?" They traded words like this for a while, an friendly discussion between family. Donovan asked after Nell and complimented Joshua on what he was doing with the house, insisting that his son show him the renovations in the attic and the progress he was making on the sun room. Then Josh's phone rang, distracting him from the situation at hand. "Mind if I...?"

"No, not at all."

It wasn't a call, after all, but a text. "Don't let me stop you," insisted Donovan when Joshua suggested that he answer and say that he was busy. "Go spend time with your friend. Besides, I have to leave for work soon." He wondered whether Donovan was telling the truth or lying to spare him any guilt for ditching their time together. All the same, he did wonder what Lark could want with him and so he nodded. "I'll see you... when?" He realised that he didn't know when he would next meet up with his father. They no longer shared residence and so it was only visits like these or the rare times they bumped into one another at the hospital when they spoke face to face. "Soon," Donovan promised, and Josh believed him. "I'll tell your mother you said hello." Patricia was tied up in work and had not been able to drop by. Joshua nodded and got into his own car once Donovan's red Ferarri had pulled out of the driveway, heading to the park and pulling into the lot.

The sound of the guitar was what drew him toward his friend, picking up on the music before he actually spotted her and following it curiously to its source. Sure enough, he found Lark, and he offered her a bright smile. "Sorry that took so long, I was busy at the house." He did not mention his father for two reasons. One, it didn't seem necessary to let her know. Two, he didn't like to call attention to his good relationship with the man when her own father was such a jerk. He figured she probably wouldn't mind or hold it against him but he still refrained from going on about the man. "How are you? You're actually playing outside, I'm impressed. Sounds pretty good." He knew that she had an issue with playing in front of other people so he was glad that she was trying to warm up to it. He wanted her to do well in her desired career, seeing as she was his best friend and all. He sat down beside her at a slight angle so that he was facing her, able to look in her eyes. It was weird talking to someone and staring straight ahead. "What's up?" She seemed alright and so maybe she really had wanted to just hang out. He didn't mind.

[LARK MARIE HARPER]

I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts
Forgetting comes easy
I never cared at all
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain

Lark continued to play the stringed instrument, her fingers shifting nimbly to create chords and notes that morphed into a tuneful solo only she knew the words to. Words that did not pass her lips but rolled through her mind over and over again. They were not even from a song on the radio; they were created in a split second as though she put her thoughts and emotions to song. A few people stopped and listened, then continued on their way. She continued to play while she waited for her friend, knowing it would pass the time rather quickly. Joshua's voice graced her ears and she smiled, looking up at the tall Fire elemental. "It's fine. I know it was sort-of last minute. I didn't mind waiting." She gestured to the guitar briefly before catching his gaze again, deciding whether or not answering the 'how are you' would do much good. She could say she was fine, which she was in general, but with home life and the other random buzzings in her brain it would still be considered a partial lie. She did not want to lie to Josh. Why was it so easy to answer Ashton when he asked? Even Lark could not answer that. "I'm living. Just...living." And that she was, being as she was sitting there talking to him. It would suffice for now.

Having someone be impressed with her was a bigger deal then Josh knew. Not many people complemented her on...well, anything, so to hear even something simple meant the world to Lark. She had noticed she took more of the little things and stowed them away in her heart for later, so she could take them out and hold them close when she needed them most. "I'm working on it. I figured that if you liked it then...I could try and play it in the park. Baby steps, I suppose." Very baby steps. After a moment a little boy came and sat in front of her on the ground with a bright smile on his face. She stopped playing and looked at him. "You like guitars?" Lark asked with a very soft tone to her voice. He nodded eagerly. "Yes ma'am. I have one of my own, but it's smaller." Chuckling, the brunette leaned down and placed the instrument in his lap, which was considerably larger than he was. "Why don't you play for me then? I want to hear a fellow musician." She rarely--if ever--displayed her tenderness for children in front of other people, and without even realizing Josh was watching she did just that.

Once the boy was playing, Lark leaned back and turned slightly to face her best friend with a smile. "Well, I was going to let you know that I talked to Ashton and he said he would talk with his partner about everything," She started, then pushed a few strands of hair out of her face. "And then I met up with him for a hike a while back to see what she thought, and it seems that things are looking pretty good so far." That was the main reason she asked him here other than simply spending time together, so she figured she would start with that first. Other things were nagging at her insides but figured that they could wait for a little bit. Besides, the little boy was playing his heart out on the grass in front of her and did not want to usher him away five seconds after he sat down. Lark would send him off soon though. Still, the look on her face, the way she carried herself...it was different. She felt different. It was very difficult to explain, let alone deal with. Would Josh be able to help? Or, at least be able to offer some advice? Lark truly hoped he could.

There's just too much pain
Falling to pieces get swept away
Left all our pictures some to fade
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long
I will be strong

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Lark's reply was not very encouraging and Joshua frowned as he looked at her, subconsciously fretting over any possible injuries or illnesses that may have befallen her. He did not like when his friends were anything less than perfect in terms of health and so the situation with Lark's father had troubled him greatly since he'd found out. He was glad she'd confided in him, though, because Josh was an excellent keeper of secrets and could be depended upon if needed. "Is everything alright at home? Is there anything I can do?" He didn't like to pry but he wasn't going to stop himself from offering to help in any way he could. He hated that there wasn't more he could do. Despite his concerns, he also hated being a mother hen. He understood more than most the meaning of pride and all its ins and outs, how it was difficult to really lean on someone else in times of trouble. He didn't want to make Lark uncomfortable by pressing her too much and so after expressing his concerns, he dropped the subject.

It meant quite a bit to him that she trusted his opinion enough that she'd let it fuel her toward further progression. He liked to be of use to his friends. He did not like manipulated and being used but he did like the feeling that his presence in their lives was not a pointless one. He had many acquaintances and mild friendships since switching sides but his close friends remained few and far between. He wouldn't have it any other way. "Everyone starts slow," he said. "I certainly wasn't born with anatomical knowledge." Passions developed slowly. Embarrassments receded even more slowly, if they existed. Hopefully the more Lark played in front of other people, the more she would feel comfortable doing so. "What were you playing just then? Or was it something you wrote yourself?" He was incapable of writing piano music but Joshua was not half bad at coming up with things for his guitar. He figured that it owed to the fact he'd been playing the instrument for about fourteen years. He didn't have a natural gift for writing music and so that process for him was a lengthy one.

He blinked when the child approached them but did not protest to his presence, smiling so as to appear less intimidating than usual. Joshua also possessed a fondness for the young, mostly because of his little sister and the fact he'd practically helped raise her. He was good with kids, patient as long as they didn't set off his temper. It seemed Lark was as well, something that he had not known. "You like kids, Lark? I wouldn't have thought." He didn't mean it in an insulting way. In all fairness, Joshua himself wasn't the type most expected to be proficient in handling kids. He looked the tough type, the type that would chase kids off if they got near him and have nothing against hurting them. Looks could be deceiving. "How's the electric working out for you?" Such a guitar couldn't usually be played comfortably in the park due to the lack of a place to plug in an amplifier. Still, since he'd gifted it to her he was genuinely interested in how she was faring with it and if it was serving its purpose well.

Remembering that she'd told him about plans to speak with the Earth element, Joshua was glad to hear that it had gone well. Or was going well for now, at very least. "They're good people," he said almost fondly. He might have missed the Fires on occasion but his new allies were definitely not bad ones. They were so genuine, so kind-hearted. It would be sickening to someone that didn't enjoy that kind of thing. Josh liked their friendliness and so it didn't bug him. "Hiking, eh? Was it fun?" Joshua loved to hike. He'd grown up in the mountains and so, just as Lark had developed a passion for surfing living in Hawaii, he'd learned to enjoy traversing the many different trails. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out for a moment before stuffing it back in. "No one important. I thought it might be Nell. I meant to spend time with her tonight but I've still got a couple hours." He waved a hand easily. The day was young, he'd hang out with his fiancée later.

[LARK MARIE HARPER]

I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts
Forgetting comes easy
I never cared at all
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain

Lark unintentionally let out a bit of a dry laugh, shaking her head a little bit before glancing at him with a partial frown. She tried her best to keep from burdening Josh with her problems, but it was hard when he kept asking if she was okay. Yes, Josh. Yes I am okay. Was what she wanted to say. It was killing Lark to try and avoid discussing these things with her friend. Her best friend. Her family. "If you can find someone to adopt me, then we'll be set," She replied, looking at the grass at his feet. Although it was probably going to be taken as a joke, she somewhat meant it. Who would adopt her though? She was going on eighteen and should probably have a job at this point, which she didn't. She was stuck. Fortunately she and Josh were both fairly efficient at changing subjects and leaving things alone, knowing how they reacted to too much prying. Lark had certainly been more open with her best friend recently, but even so that did not mean she was going to be up front about every incident when they met. That was probably not going to change. "I know. I just hate that I'm so...hesitant. You know I'm not normally like that but with music I just seem to buckle." Lark was arrogant and proud with most everything she did, but for some reason singing in front of people caused her to stall. She supposed it was her passion for it that increased the drive to be a wonderful musician, especially before she showcased herself to the world.

"Oh, I was just playing whatever came to mind, actually. I let my thoughts and emotions lead the way for stuff like that." Lark never really took the time to write down the notes for these songs, but memorized them for the most part by the end of it all anyway. She was not proficient at writing music; making things up on the fly was therapeutic more than anything else. She watched the boy for a moment as he played, smiling softly as he strummed the strings lightly. Lark held her finger up to Josh to signal holding the conversation as she knelt down and set his fingers on the strings, instructing him on a few simple chords. He looked delighted. Content with the result, the girl sat back up on the bench and focused on Josh with a smile. "You can't tell anyone else or I'll have to hurt you." Was all she said on the matter, practically saying 'yes' without being direct. Lark was not always good with the direct approach when it came to certain subjects. "The electric is great. Have to wait to use the amp when dad isn't home but..." The girl lifted her shoulders and perked up her eyebrows in a 'whatever' sort of gesture. "I use it whenever given the chance." She aimed to keep the discussion of her dad on a lighter note considering the child sitting there before them. At least the main subject of their chat was music, so the bitterness in her voice was a little less obvious.

It was strange to think that she would find herself in the presence of the Earth students. Not that they were bad people, but because of how strong the alliances had always been, and how heavily ingrained it was to stick with your own. Lark knew she hardly ever belonged, but it took until Josh switched sides to fully realize it. "Yeah, they are good people. The ones I know anyway." Lark only knew Nell and Ashton, so it was not a whole lot to go off of, but their kindness and acceptance was enough to convince her that that was who she wanted to be around. With Ashton, Lark thought she was going to go hoarse from talking so much. A lot of questions, a lot of answers, and all of it seemed...natural. She nodded at her friend, partially listening to the boy as he played, his parents observing in the distance. "It was, actually. Spent most of the afternoon just wandering the trail, took a swim which was colder than ice but fun, and got caught in the rain. Talked a lot." She bit at her lip subconsciously, feeling weird for even admitting that out loud. Josh knew Lark better than most people, and although she talked to him quite a bit she could be quite the closed book with a lot of other people she was unfamiliar with. Ashton brought it right out of her. Josh then got a text message, and used that time to lean down and talk to the boy a little more, smiling and encouraging him like a mentor would. His parents called for him after that, Lark bidding him farewell. "Oh," Was about all she said at first, letting the thoughts drift around. "I won't take up a lot of your time though, so you can spend time with her." Josh was probably the only person who Lark was attentive to in regards to his time--well, at least was more aware with him. She supposed it was their years as friends.

Finally deciding to ask, Lark inhaled a little and tried to ease her nerves. "I know that you're my best friend and all and this is a weird question..." She trailed off for a moment, thinking. "But, do you think I'm date-able? Not from your point of view I guess...I don't know. Nevermind." That was a stupid question. She knew that Josh could not really give an accurate answer because they never really saw one another as anything more than friends. Maybe he could give some answer, but Lark knew it was not going to be anything more than 'yeah' or 'sure'. The girl ran a hand through her hair and sighed, pulling a leg up on the bench towards her chest. "I just...wonder if I could ever have what you and Nell have. If someone would consider me as more than a friend." Maybe that's why it hurt so bad with Brett; she wanted someone to consider her as something more, and even after she gave him something she held dear he only wanted to be friends. Lark swallowed hard and held her leg tight. She rarely found herself around a guy that made her heart skip a beat, or made her smile as bright as the sun just at hearing his voice, or made her feel like the person she used to be. Jack did, but he vanished from her life last year. Ashton was the only one that made her feel like her old self again. She did not fully understand. A hollow chuckle passed her lips before looking up at Josh. "You know, my dad told me I was not meant to find someone. That I was destined to be alone the rest of my life." Was that true? Was there really something that horribly wrong with her, that there was nothing worth keeping around? Lark watched Josh sadly, feeling helpless.

There's just too much pain
Falling to pieces get swept away
Left all our pictures some to fade
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long
I will be strong

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Freestyle was beyond him, for the most part. Joshua could play the works of others and he could write music of his own if he sat and planned it out for hours but he couldn't go with the flow and expect the result to be anything amazing. "That alone indicates talent," he said. "The fact that you don't even need to reference anything, that you can just sit down and play... it's a good thing, Lark." He gave her an honest smile. She'll do fine. I bet she will. He might not have known how good or bad she was at singing until recently but that didn't make him any less supportive of her goals. He smirked when she threatened him, lifting his hands in a mock surrender. "My lips are sealed, no need to sew them shut. Talk about overkill." His gray eyes glittered with amusement. Glancing at the kid, his lips twitching fondly as he watched the boy play the guitar, he said more seriously, "Why would you be embarrassed about that?" He didn't see why a fondness for children was a bad thing. It displayed the fact that someone had the heart to protect the innocent, to appreciate the naivete of childhood. Hell, his fiancée worked with kids, he was the last person that would judge based on such a thing. "I'm glad it's serving you well." He didn't comment on her father, also wishing to preserve her private life from the kid who sat in front of them plucking the strings of the guitar.

Whenever someone mentioned swimming, Joshua wondered what it would have been like for him if he'd known how. If he had been able to swim, Joshua would not have nearly drowned in the lake when those boys pushed him in. Maybe he wouldn't have feared water like he did now. It was a moot point, however, and one which was easily pushed aside. "I've heard he's a chatty guy," Joshua chuckled. It did not bother him that Lark was not a motor-mouth when she hung around him. Joshua understood the need to keep things to yourself. "We're not well acquainted but I'm glad you get along with him, at least. It helps to have the leaders on your side." He had both of them on his, though he didn't know them as well as Lark seemed to be getting to know Ashton. He still took a while to befriend new people but now it was several months instead of several years. He was learning how to accept people into his life without putting them through a hell of a trial, first. "Don't worry about it. I see Nell every day, Lark, we live together." His mood had definitely picked up when Nell decided to come and live with him. He'd grown so used to her presence from staying in her apartment that it had been weird staying in the huge house all alone. He'd had his sister, but they mostly did their own things, kept to their own social circles. They were still siblings and they certainly interacted, just not like best friends would.

He frowned at her in confusion but did not speak when she paused, waiting for her to come out with whatever question she had on her mind. He blinked when she spoke, surprised but not to the point where he wouldn't answer. So when she got ahead of herself, Joshua arched an eyebrow. "It's no use to ask me a question and answer it for me in the same breath." He would answer it himself because he actually did have an answer. The fact that she was his best friend and he wouldn't chance dating her did not mean he somehow missed the fact that she was female. "From my point of view, no, but that's because I friend zoned you the moment I realised I cared about you." His tone and his gaze were light, almost teasing. "You're not bad looking or anything like that but you were my friend and I wasn't that great at... you know, sticking around. That's why I never saw you as more than a friend." It was weird to share this with her, to admit that there had been a solid reason behind the fact he'd never shown any interest. When they'd been younger and Josh had still been rather immature, he hadn't trusted himself with his friends, so he forced himself not to see them in any way but friendship. Nell had been different, for he'd matured since then. "Well, no offence or anything, but your dad is a prick. His opinion doesn't count. Of course I think you could have what I've got." He shook his head and offered a genuine smile. "You're still a girl, Lark, you're not an alien."

[LARK MARIE HARPER]

I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts
Forgetting comes easy
I never cared at all
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain

Lark's smile was soft and appreciative, feeling her face grow warm with embarrassment from the complement. "Thanks, Josh. I'm glad you think so. Hopefully it'll be useful in the future." Playing impromptu gigs and singing songs that she made sounded fun, at least it did now that she was getting past the shyness of playing in front of others. It made her feel especially good to have that little boy stop and listen, and to see him use the guitar. Lark would encourage taking up the guitar any day. Noticing Josh toss up his hands and take her threat lightly, she smirked and chuckled. It probably sounded like overkill but she was not used to displaying such tenderness in front of people. It made her feel...exposed. The smirk faded into a solemn frown. "It has nothing to do with embarrassment," Lark replied, shaking her head. "It has to do with people pinpointing weakness." Josh had to understand how that felt, right? To have someone find out what made you crumble, and use it against you to gain control. To gain the upper hand. It happened in school quite a bit before Lark went to the Academy; some of the class bullies would take notice that the girl would be buddy buddy with some of the younger students, and they would beat on them just to see her squirm. She couldn't handle that. "I can play it without the amp though, so I get to enjoy it quite a bit. The amp does make it sound better but at least it's not required." The sound of an electric guitar was almost hollow and had an interesting twang to it when strummed without the aid of an amp, but you could still get a feel for what you were playing.

The Earths were definitely a chatty bunch from what she could tell, but only had a few people to base that off of. She had a feeling Andrew was an Earth being as Nell seemed to know him, and of course her and Ashton were both Earths as well. All three friendly, all three talkative. She liked it though. "He is as chatty as a squirrel. But I don't mind it. Never thought I'd find some semblance of my old self but...I did thanks to him." Lark appeared wistful and happily distant for a moment before dragging herself back to the conversation, her thoughts still wandering around aimlessly in the back of her mind. "Yeah, definitely a good thing. I'm glad he vouched for me." She would not have stood a chance otherwise. Or maybe she would have, but the process would have been a lot longer and caused more drama than needed. Having the leader say something helped a great deal. Lark was still stunned that Ashton was so quick to let her in; she might not have done as much physical damage to their element in the past, but that did not mean he should feel open about accepting her as readily as he did. She frowned a little and looked to her friend. "Doesn't mean I want to intrude on your alone time, Josh," Lark replied, already feeling guilty. "Living together does not mean you get to see the other person every minute of every day, or whenever you want." That was the same for parents and their children. Parents had work, kids had school, and they attempted to get together in the evenings for dinner but not everything works out that way.

"...right, sorry." Lark blinked, unaware that she quickly relinquished her question before Josh could even utter a word. She had a bad habit of that when she realized how stupid a question sounded or felt that it became irrelevant. The question was important to her, as was the answer, but did not know if Josh wanted to answer it. I need to stop assuming what my friends are going to say or do. A small smile twitched on her lips, glad Josh cared for her. That was more important than the man realized. "Oh, I didn't know that. Well, it worked out for the best anyway. I'd rather you be my best friend than potential enemies because we tried to rip one another apart." Lark and Josh both had tempers, but she knew hers was even worse back then, and his probably was too. It would have simply not worked out. She never had much of an attraction to Josh, probably because by the time she was old enough to pay any mind to hormones he was already under the label 'best friend' and she was not interested in ruining that. Lark lowered her head a little and stared at her shoe, wriggling her nose. "Prick or not, doesn't mean his words aren't true." She looked at Josh again. "I just don't know if it will ever happen. If a guy isn't intimidated by me, they see me as one of the guys, and if not that they just want to fuck me and treat me like they do every other female on this goddamn planet." A snarl actually formed on her lips, but retracted it quick enough. She had not mentioned Brett yet. Her expression pushed back to a thoughtful frown. "I feel like an alien sometimes. I don't know how this stuff works...and when I do seem to like someone I'm too scared to tell them because of all the reasons I mentioned." There was one other reason that she had yet to mention, but Lark was not quite sure if she should talk about it. No one knew of the incident but those involved.

There's just too much pain
Falling to pieces get swept away
Left all our pictures some to fade
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long
I will be strong

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

The thoughtful look that Joshua gave her suggested that he did understand, at least to some degree. "Being a decent person isn't a weakness." It had taken him a while to realise that not everything would be exploited for use against him. He'd once struggled to make basic conversation because he was so scared that something he said was going to be used to manipulate him in some way. The gang had poisoned his mind to the point where he could barely trust himself. "I understand where you're coming from, believe me." He did not want her to think that he was trying to combat her opinions. He did not believe that she should hide how good she was with kids but he could grasp the reason that she would. Joshua was pretty good about not force-feeding his opinions to people. We are not all one and the same. People were not bumblebees, they did not have hive minds. "I like playing with amplifiers," he said contentedly as he reminisced playing his guitar. He was a quiet person but when he played his guitar he played it loud and proud. "Mostly because it's easier to tell when I'm hitting notes right, I think." He could tune the guitar and then match it to a song, play along with the track so that he was confident he'd gotten the right rhythm and sound. Guitar was really something he and Lark both understood, a common ground in their friendship. He always liked finding those rare gems, subjects that neither of them would tire the other out with. He did try not to go on medical spiels around her.

He blinked. "Old self?" Thinking back on the years of their childhood spent together, Joshua could not remember exactly what Lark had been like. A little angrier, maybe, as young Fires often were. He remembered a little of what he'd been doing back then and a pang of guilt struck him. It was brief, as his regrets usually were, but it was there. I was distant then, wasn't I? To all my friends. He'd had a few friends he could count on but it hadn't been enough. In early childhood he'd pined for the wide social circles that other kids had, he'd wanted to be cool. Lark and Devin both had been younger than he was and he'd longed for friends his own age. When the gang, all tougher, all older than him, had offered that, it hadn't taken much persuasion. "Well, I'm glad." He wondered why he had been unable to achieve what the Earth elemental had by barely knowing her but did not ask, not wanting to seem insensitive. Maybe it's an Earth thing. After all, if he thought about it, he trusted Nell with much more than he had ever told Lark. It's different. We're going to be married. "Oh, hush," he said, waving a hand. "Nell and I spend plenty of time together. I came here to spend time with you." He knew that he didn't always have a lot of time left over from his busy schedule to make time for friends and so he took advantage of whatever time he could get. That was just how Joshua handled things. Lark's concern for interrupting was sweet, though, and he appreciated it even if it was unnecessary in his opinion.

He wondered what it would have been like if he had been more open to the idea of dating his friends. Would he have seen Lark as a potential girlfriend or would he have ignored her as he did so many others? He honestly couldn't say. The inner workings of his teenage mind were confusing to Joshua himself. He did not know where his head had been for half the terrible things that he'd convinced himself to do and he didn't know what his thoughts and feelings had been, either. It was remarkable how easy it was to forget living through a situation, no matter how difficult it had seemed at the time. "Yes it does," said Josh stubbornly. Why did he attract people like a magnet that didn't seem to believe the good in themselves? First Devin, then Nell, now Lark. It seemed his circle were full of doubt. Or was it Josh himself who was simply too confident? "He was probably saying it to get a rise out of you, Lark. Let's face it, we're Fire elementals, that's not hard to do." His own father had often spat insults at him when they argued, things that were either partially true or entirely false with the sole intention of making his son snap. It was when he included fact within his jibes that it hurt the most. "Believe me, if there was any sort of tricks to it I'd tell you. I just winged it. Hell, sometimes I still don't know what I'm doing, but Nell makes me happy so I'm sure she'll forgive me if I fuck up a little. If you find someone, Lark, they should always be willing to have a little patience."

[LARK MARIE HARPER]

I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts
Forgetting comes easy
I never cared at all
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain

Josh was probably the only one that could understand where she was coming from. She did not have to go into full detail or explain herself, which she silently appreciated. There were times where Lark was not hesitant to discuss why she felt a certain way, but with Josh a lot of these things seemed to go unspoken. Years of friendship and--up until he switched sides--all of the time they spent together certain things did not have to be dug into. She liked that. Forgetting that Joshua never experienced much of who she was before moving to Canada and dealing with middle school and high school, she did not think much about it when she said 'old self'. A lot of who she used to be was left back in Hawaii up until recently. She nodded. "Yeah, my old self. The person who did not mind open conversation, was not afraid to trust quickly, who would rather see people as an opportunity to be social as opposed to a threat...who actually tried to be sensitive and understanding." That was the hardest part for her, was being sensitive. When it came to close friends like Josh it was fairly easy, but it had taken quite a bit of time to reach that point. With Ashton it was almost instant. She couldn't explain why, and gave up trying to figure it out. Lark was trying hard not to wrack her brain over things that might not even mean anything at all, but that was proving difficult. She smiled at Josh and nudged him in the shoulder affectionately; it was hard for her to give much else. She did with Skye, but that was unexpected and hard to respond to. "You're good to me. I appreciate it."

Probably too good. All of her friends were, though there were very few. Josh, Skye, Nell, Ashton...they all had her back in one way or another. Joshua had been there for a lot. Many words went unspoken, but they existed. He was like a brother. The only family she really had. Skye was a kindred spirit, and one of the few females she could be more open around. It might have been a click in personalities, but Lark could not explain it. Nell's soft demeanor and accepting attitude drew the girl in instantly without even hesitating despite her element. Being a friend of Josh's might have helped, but still. Ashton was...unexpected. There was no reason to trust her, to accept her, and yet he did. Said that everyone deserved a chance, a chance of which she felt undeserving. "He's my dad, Josh," Lark pointed out, eyes sad. "No matter if I want him to be or not, he is. It still hurts. It's hard not to believe it when nothing has proven otherwise." She wanted so badly to believe Josh and run with the hope that she was not going to live life alone, but Lark did not live in the comfort of silver lining. It sounded pessimistic more than realistic, but a lot of people confused the two often. Lark swallowed hard, speaking almost hesitantly but the edge of frustration still lingered in her voice. "Brett decided I wasn't worth it. I...got drunk over summer break, and so did he...and I lost my virginity to him. I was drunk, but still. He tried to go for friends with benefits. All he wanted from me was.." She inhaled deeply and let the sentence go with a sigh, figuring Josh did not need to hear any more. It was obvious where the story was heading, and how it ended.

Lark did not understand relationships, even though she desired one. How to respond to a fight, or a stressful situation, or a simple disagreement...hell, she could hardly hug her best friend. Her first kiss and sexual act was done under the heavy influence of alcohol. Would she have done that otherwise? Brett probably would have been punched in the face had she been sober. Lark sighed sadly and picked at her shoelace. "How will I know if I found someone? I've never dated anyone...and so far I've only really liked...or I guess 'crushed' on a couple of guys. One I'm sure is not interested, the other has been gone since last year." She hated feeling this feminine, this girly. It was not something she was accustomed to and it felt strange. She had never told Josh the main reason she stalled with dating guys, why she preferred to run with them instead of pining for their attention like the rest of the girls at school. Maybe it's time to open up and tell him. He needs to know I trust him. Lark adjusted her hair a little and picked up the guitar, setting it into the case with delicate fingers. "I want to tell you the main reason I avoided dating all these years. Why I don't do well with a lot of physical affection, like hugs. I just...feel you should know. Because you're my best friend, and we should share stuff like this." Ashton knew a lot about her, more than she had been willing to share with Josh the first few times that they met. I've changed, times change, people change... She tried to convince herself that she was different from when she first met Josh, but was that the truth? It was not fair to Josh to be kept blinded to everything, especially after talking to Ashton so much. "Just promise me that it will stay between us."

There's just too much pain
Falling to pieces get swept away
Left all our pictures some to fade
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long
I will be strong

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Joshua could not remember an open Lark, just as he was sure that she would not remember a naive and desperate Joshua searching for anyone to befriend. He had already been involved with the gang when he had met Lark but he had never confessed said involvement to her. At first he'd thought it was cool, like he was somebody. That was why he'd been so confident in trying to befriend the other girl. Then, as the years progressed, it had changed. A different person. Old self. "There's no need to feel that you can't trust me." He was not offended, merely feeling as if he had to state this fact for it to become a reality. Joshua was like a bank vault when it came to the secrets and sins of his close friends. Nothing got out unless he wanted it to. He was not the type to sell someone out even if the friendship turned sour, one of the good things about him. His lips twitched. "I try." He really did try to be a good guy for the sake of his friends. They were all he'd had in the world when he was going through hard times. They hadn't known he was relying on them seeing as he'd kept everything inside but it was the simple matter of their friendship that had kept him going. Something to rely on, to count on, something dependable that didn't vanish with the blink of an eye. He understood the nudge to be a sign of affection and was not at all surprised or offended. "I understand." He might have resented her father for hurting her but it would be a lot more than bitterness for Lark. Cause you've been there, haven't you? He tried not to hold anything against Donovan after all these years. Move on. Heal.

If there had been any bad decisions in the conversation thus far, Lark took the cake by mentioning Brett. Gray eyes immediately flashed at the sound of the name, recognising it, remembering the way the Thunder elemental had insulted his fiancée. "Her pussy had to taste like dirt, didn't it?" The memory of the comment made him bristle. Still, he'd gotten his revenge for that and he'd came out the victor in their fight. He could cast aside the anger quite easily. When Lark told him of her own issues with the Thunder elemental, however, he decided he hated the prick's guts. Hated him. "He tried—" Woah. Alright. Joshua could feel the heat of anger rising up in him and he held up a hand to caution her against saying anything for the time being. He had not been expecting the wave of rage to hit him like a brick wall. "I hate that kid." It was vehement, frustrated. "Fucking hated him enough for what he said about Nell and now—ugh. Give me a moment, I'll be alright." His breaths had become a little more heavy when he spat the words, the anger rearing up and baring its fangs like old times. He was getting better with his anger problems but as he had never thought to get professional help they were still very much a part of him. "Brett and I don't get along. I never said anything because you two were friends—not that he gives a fuck about that, apparently." God, he wanted to punch someone. Lark was the only one close enough and so that urge was thankfully suppressed.

He did not want to tell Lark anything that was inaccurate and so he was not sure what advice to give her. Joshua could not pretend that he was an expert on dating and giving advice. The relationship with Nell had fallen into place rather easily and it had been smooth sailing from that point forward. "I can only go off what I've experienced, and all I know is that I went into it blindly. I had no idea what I was doing." He was usually iffy about admitting things like this but this was Lark and he trusted her not to judge him for his inexperience. The inner workings of a relationship had taken he and his fiancée a while to get a hang of and sometimes he still felt like he was traversing in the dark, stumbling blindly into the walls. "I asked her out in a Tim Hortons and she said alright. That's how I got into a relationship. Who knows how it'll happen for you? Cause it will happen, Lark. You're fine to date, I'm sure." He saw nothing about Lark that warded people off. "I'd say it's more likely that the guys don't think you're interested rather than being intimidated." If girls didn't put it out there that they weren't opposed to dating, there was no real way for a guy to know how open they were to getting into a relationship. He blinked at her when she said she wanted to tell him something, taking it very seriously for it seemed to be important. "You can tell me anything. You know I won't tell anyone, Lark. I'd never do that to you."

[LARK MARIE HARPER]

I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts
Forgetting comes easy
I never cared at all
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain

"I trust you Josh. More than anyone I know." And that was a fact. No matter how open she became with Ashton, Joshua was still her best friend and that was not going to change. It was merely that the dynamic was different between the two males. One of them privatized a lot of his life and did not discuss many things beyond the surface, while the other was shameless and loved to talk about everything under the sun. That did not mean she trusted Ashton more than Josh. It was a different trust, a different set of personalities. "If I didn't, we wouldn't be here right now, would we?" Lark cocked an eyebrow. Josh should know by now that if she did not trust a person, she was not going to waste her time chilling out in the park with them for absolutely no reason. She wondered if he understood how much his presence in her life truly meant? How he saved her life, just by existing. Giving the girl a reason to push forward. Lark had a few other people she could count on, but Josh had been there longer than anyone and not once did he abandon her. Their relationship might have been weaker in the beginning due to age and other life issues, but as time went on it grew stronger and stronger. Joshua could protect himself, and she knew that, but if anyone ever crossed her with a foul word against him she would beat the shit out of the unsuspecting fool.

Lark had not quite expected the response she received when mentioning Brett; Josh was protective of his friends, sure, but to see the anger almost emanating off of him in waves made her wish she kept her mouth shut. The girl parted her lips to say something, but Joshua tossed up his hand to stop her. She watched, waiting, wondering why it set her friend off so quickly. Then, he said it. Nell. A surge of protection washed over Lark, and her nostrils instinctively flared. "I don't even want to know what he said about Nell, because I will strangle the life out of him." Now, she was angry. Not for herself, but for Josh. For Nell. The decision to get drunk at the party with Brett had been her fault, but this was crossing a line. No one fucked with her friends and got away with it, even if Josh probably dealt him a good beating already. She was switching sides now, and Nell was the person she needed to protect. Brett would have a fight on his hands if he even thought about stepping within a ten foot perimeter. Lark allowed her body to relax, though her anger still swirled in her head like a hive of angry wasps. Eventually it would pass, but being a Fire anger was just something they dealt with. "Apparently not...but I was stupid. I should have refrained from getting drunk. But I was upset about my dad and needed an escape. Too bad I lost two things I can never get back." Her first kiss and her virginity was lost to someone who clearly did not seem to care about much of anyone or anything.

Going into something blindly was not something Lark was accustomed to. Why not just toss me into maze with a blindfold? That meant fumbling around, making possibly severe mistakes, winding up with heartbreak. She did not know if she could handle the heartbreak. Lark was tough when it came to fights, insults, snide remarks, but to be placed on top of the world and then knocked down? "I don't...know if I would be good at that. Going blind." Maybe if that one person was worth it, Lark would jump in and hope for the best, but that scared the shit out of her. It was one of her greatest fears: losing the people she cared about and loved. She wanted to tell Josh that it would not happen at all, but that sounded more pessimistic than realistic. Her lip twitched faintly into a smile. "If you say so." There was no arguing with Josh. It was useless. She learned that a long while back. "But I am interested. I just, I don't know how to express it. I've never done that before. Never felt much of a need to until recently...and I feel lost. I have a hard time hugging for God's sake." The girl lowered her head a little, expression solemn but confused. What if he said no? What if she tried to express interest and she fucked it up? Would it even be noticeable? "I don't even know if I've ever really flirted with anyone, and if I have I didn't realize it. He won't want someone like me, anyway. This...emotional mess." Her laugh was subtle, forced.

Now came the kicker. The story that Lark kept hidden away since the day it happened, the one that pushed her into a corner and made her hesitate with relationships. "Good, because no one else knows. You'll be the first to hear it." She inhaled deeply, trying to sort out the story as best she could. When dealing with a bad memory, bits and pieces were usually lost in attempts to repress what it was you did not want to remember. Now she had to dig them up again. "When I was in Hawaii, I did a lot of surfing. Took classes, spent time with my classmates and our coaches." So far, so good. "One coach, Mister Alaneo, was someone I really looked up to. He taught me a lot and he gave me private surfing lessons for free and got along well with my parents." Lark's breathing became labored to try and keep rein on her emotions. It was harder than she thought. "And one day after our surf, he told me...that he had something to show me. So blindly, like a foolish child I followed him. Once out of sight of the beach, he pinned me down and--" Lark was pushing air out of her nose aggressively, trying not to cry in front of Josh again. "He tried to rape me." She eyed her best friend, watching to see his response. Would there be judgement? No. Josh would not do that. Lark allowed herself to rock back and forth for a minute before falling back on the bench, staring at the sky. "I...ever since then I shut myself off. Once I became older and started taking notice of boys I told myself that I was not deserving and was afraid of being taken advantage of. That was why I built up my persona. To stay safe." Lark sighed and rolled her head to look at him, looking sad. "I've been stuck in this for so long that I don't even know if I could effectively tell someone I like them as more than a friend."

[Well then, Lark. Why don't you just...GUSH all of that out there why don't ya. XD]

There's just too much pain
Falling to pieces get swept away
Left all our pictures some to fade
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long
I will be strong

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

He could not express through words how much it meant to him that he was trusted. He'd spent a lot of his life lying and deceiving his only friends and so he knew he often did not deserve their trust. But then, he reminded himself, was he not good at keeping secrets? Yes, he was. He kept everything to himself no matter how nasty the friendship turned because he knew how much it would hurt to have something he'd trusted another person with used against him. If he broke up with Nell, if he fell out with Lark, if he parted ways with Devin, he wanted to know that the things he'd told them in confidence would stay silent. So he always kept their secrets safe. "Then I won't tell you." He did not want to drag Lark into an issue that was already buried. "I took care of it, don't worry." By 'took care of it' he meant that he'd punched Brett as hard as he could and then proceeded to beat him down. He did not get as much thrill from fighting as he had when he was younger but that satisfaction was still there. He couldn't deny that it felt good to come out on top. He hoped his Earth and Water friends did not resent his sometimes violent nature. He couldn't help who he was. "Fucking prick," he spat. "Did he know? That you were...?" It didn't make sleeping with your friend much better but if Brett was aware that Lark had been a virgin when he'd seduced her then he definitely hated the Thunder boy with every fibre of his being.

The worst part was that he knew what it was like. He knew how it felt to wake up and find out from someone else that you'd slept with someone for the first time. It was a lot different for guys, they didn't have a risk of pregnancy and loss of one's virginity wasn't always seen as a bad thing. It hadn't made him happy, for he'd been pretty young and pretty fucking drunk on top of that. He couldn't remember a thing. Didn't even know what the girl looked like. He sympathized with Lark then but was not quite sure how to express it. "It's hard, I know. I'm sorry." What was he apologising for? Hell, he didn't even know. It wasn't his fault she'd gotten drunk and slept with Brett and he didn't blame himself for it. He simply wasn't sure what else to say. "Everyone handles relationships differently." The fact that he'd stumbled blindly into a relationship didn't mean she would. It had been more difficult in his case because neither of the couple had known what they were doing but also comforting in that they'd worked it out together. He didn't know what it would be like any other way because Nell was his first and would hopefully be his final relationship. "Telling yourself that a guy doesn't like you is your first problem," he said. "It might be true but until you actually get rejected, Lark, it's usually a bad idea to make assumptions. That sets you up for failure." You never knew until you tried something. "If it's a friend, though, be careful. Relationships can ruin friendships and I don't think that's a good place to be, in the end." Friends were forever, relationships were not always.

He stayed silent as she told her story, not wanting to interrupt. At first he was confused, wondering what surfing had to do with it, but the moment she mentioned her coach he felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. Could this be going in a certain, negative direction? He didn't usually jump to conclusions but he was not stupid. He knew the stories about people who shut themselves down after a sexual assault and that was what they were talking about, right? Why Lark didn't date? His suspicions were confirmed and his expression sympathetic when she paused for a moment, realising that it must be hard for her to admit something so severe. He thought about the secrets he'd kept over the years and how none of them were quite so terrible as what his best friend was telling him now. Tried. He registered this word, remembering her saying that it was Brett who'd taken her virginity. Still, an attempted rape was still every bit as traumatizing and it did not lessen the emotional effects. His gaze soft, he touched her shoulder gently in a sign of support. He normally would have hugged a friend if they were in such a state but it didn't seem like a good idea given what he'd just been told. Joshua's signs of physical affection were rare enough that they conveyed his feelings whether it was just a hand on the shoulder or a full-blown hug.

"You do deserve someone," he said quietly after a moment. "I don't know who, but someone. Someone that cares about you." He was a protective best friend but his job was not to shield his friends from anything and everything. He would definitely be wary of whether or not someone was treating his friends right but he'd relax the moment he realised that Lark was happy. That was why he got so defensive and offended when people challenged his right to a relationship with Nell. He was good to her, he'd never hurt her, what right did they have to question her? He would not question anyone that did not give him a reason to. "Thanks for trusting me," he said. "I promise you, Lark, I swear I won't tell anyone." He didn't say 'I swear to God' because gods were not something he believed in. But the message was the same.

[LARK MARIE HARPER]

I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts
Forgetting comes easy
I never cared at all
Hurt became hate now I'm feeling the strain

Lark was highly protective of her friends, and loyal to a fault. She did not know Nell extremely well--which was to be expected--but her instincts kicked in quickly and there was nothing she could do to be rid of them. If Joshua was like family, then she was too, and no one messed with that. What made it worse was that Brett was the one who apparently ignited the flame. Lark's shoulders relaxed. "Good. But either way he'll have a fight on his hands if he tries to pull any more bullshit." Her words were seething, venomous, and a real threat. Any ties she might have felt for the Thunder student in terms of loyalty had been severed. Although Josh did not have to get so angry for her--after all, it was her fault for drinking in the first place--it felt nice to have someone so protective of her. Parents were supposed to be the care givers, the protectors, the supporters, but since that did not exist in her life Josh was the next best thing. She wanted to tell him to relax, to calm down, but that would do nothing. When Lark was angry she had to settled down in her own way. The words of others usually fell deaf on her ears. She shook her head. "I've never told anyone, actually. I might have said something while I was...drunk..but sober no." Like everything else, this fact had been kept under wraps because it was not important nor relevant to a lot of conversations shared with others. She was not ashamed nor embarrassed by it in the least. Lark was not privy to the information that Brett was actually a lot less wasted than she was and definitely more aware of what was going on. Had she known, and she told Josh, things might not end well for the Thunder student. Their lack of knowledge potentially saved his life.

It was strange to apologize for things you had no control over. To say you were sorry when you had no control over a situation was almost instinctual, to express your condolences without comparing life stories or saying you did not understand what they were going through. Lark was not accustomed to apologizing simply to apologize, but appreciated Joshua's words none the less. "It's okay. We both know you had no control over it." Lark frowned and lowered her gaze again, not good at hearing the truth. She could deal out her realistic statements to others, but when it came to something she was so unsure of, it was hard. "Hard not to make an assumption, Josh. And I honestly don't know how I would handle rejection. I've been mishandled enough in my life. I don't need more." The more Josh spoke, the less inclined she felt to even try. He was trying to help though, and she knew that. Lark furrowed her brows in confusion and cast her gaze to Josh. "Wasn't Nell your friend before you started dating? Why would I date someone I hardly know? Wouldn't they need to be someone I trust first?" None of it made any sense. And if that were the case, then she could never tell him now. She would have to keep it all locked away until this passed over and she tried to find someone else. She did not really want to, though. Maybe it's for the best...he has better options anyway. And they would judge him for our elements... Lark yanked her other leg towards her chest and sat there, more confused than ever. "This is one of the reasons I never attempt to date. Because none of it makes sense."

Lark was feeling drained by the end of her long winded story, her emotions frayed and worn down. When you spend so much time trying to hide your past away from the world, to try and build up a wall of protection, it was just as difficult for the builder to tear it down as much as it would be for anyone else. Joshua did not condemn her, or say much of anything. Instead, the man placed his hand on her shoulder just as she did to him when expressing herself. Locking eyes with her best friend, Lark reached up and placed her hand on his, giving it a gentle squeeze before dropping it back into her lap. She swallowed a little. "I know that I feel I should deserve someone who cares about me," Lark stated matter-of-factly, shrugging. "It's more that...I don't know if anyone will want to care, or that I actually am deserving. It's hard to just...change that feeling." The urge to tell Josh who it was that seemed to bother her thoughts was quelled quickly, knowing how that might go. Josh probably would not get angry or frustrated, but might say that it was a bad idea and try to deter her from saying anything. That would go against his earlier statements, but having a crush on Ashton was not the same as having a crush on just any ordinary Earth elemental. Lark did not know about the leader's past with Asha, either. All of the waging emotions and thoughts aside, Lark smiled at Josh. "Of course. You're like my family. I couldn't trust anyone more." She bit at the inside of her lip, hesitating for a moment before leaning over and hugging him tightly, face buried into his shoulder. "Thank you."

There's just too much pain
Falling to pieces get swept away
Left all our pictures some to fade
I won't break this silence we've shared for so long
I will be strong