* all fall down, [ari]

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell sat on a swing, a cup of hot chocolate from Timmies in her gloved hands. Her scarf covered a red nose, and she wore a dark jacket that made her stand out in the white wonderland of the playground. The snowfall hadn’t been too massive by Canadian standards, she bet, but she would always be a city girl from New York with light winters and the occassional blizzard. However, she’d never actually experiened them before, being locked inside all the time. Before, she’d been able to block out these thoughts, but now they were always swirling in her mind. The trial had unlocked so many things for her, too much to handle. Having to reveal her darkest secrets to a courtroom was one of the most traumatizing events in her life.

Her boots skidded along the dirt as she pushed back and forth lightly, not kicking off to actually swing. She thought of her lost childhood. She thought of her mother and how she deprived that of her. She thought of her sister and how she didn’t even get to experience any sort of life. Her brown eyes were listless as she stared across at nothing in particular. Unfortunately, it seemed her father noticed the subtle changes in her behavior. The fact that she had less energy, that she wanted to sleep more, that she wasn’t eating as much as usual. After he suggested therapy and she agreed half-heartedly, she’d taken to mostly avoiding him. His presence was more comfortable in her life now, he was more silent around her and his opinions were mostly kept to himself. But she didn’t know what to do with herself, really. It would have been distressing were she really focused on that.

As it were, she just sipped at her coffee. She decided to actually come outside today, and she didn’t really know why. No, she did when she thought about it. She wasn’t about to close herself off like Mia just because she wasn’t feeling up to snuff. Even in the wintertime, she loved the world too much to avoid it. With a sigh, she took her cellphone out to text Ari. ”I’m at the playground, you should come play. :]” A smile found her lips and Nell looked forward to a text back, to actually seeing the girl. They hadn’t come face to face since Nell had come back from New York, and she needed her friends right now. She needed some distractions. It’s not working anymore. The floodgates were open, and emotions now tended to assault her at random times, memories waging war in her mind.

[arielle]

Another day at her brother's house. Ari at first was thrilled being their with her big bro. But now? It was aggravating. She wouldn't call it hell just yet...but it was pushing it. At first it was casual: How were classes? Make any friends? Did you eat well? Ari didn't mind those, because he was her older brother after all. Then, things started to get complicated, especially when she wanted to go out: Where are you going? Who are you going with? When will you be back? You'll be back before 11 or I will go out and find you. Great day! She was 18 years old; a freshman in college, not high school. Give her a break.

So she had breath of relief (quite literally) when Nell texted her a while ago telling her to go have some fun at the park with her. Luckily for Ari, her brother was at work, meaning that she didn't have to go through 21 questions before she left. She loved her brother and knew he meant well, but too much love can kill. She didn't know where she got that from. She probably made it up...

So here she is, 2 buses and a soda later, walking in the park, searching for her long-lost friend. The same long lost friend that up and left her for New York out of the blue. She did call her and whatnot, but she didn't tell her why she was there, and why she didn't tell her she was leaving. She hoped this meeting today would clear up some unanswered question.

She knew her friend. So much that she could recognize her from behind. There she was, swinging from a swing-set slowly and almost methodically. Ari slowly walked up behind her friend, and waked her on the head with her bag. It wasn't too hard, she thought. She walked in front of her and gave her the finger gesture meaning "come here".

Ari walked to a park table and sat herself down. "Sit there," she said while pointing to the end facing her. If she were going to have a serious convo, she wanted to see Nell for herself.

((SOOOOO Sorry it's late >.<))

[NELL DOE DALE]

She released her grip on the chains and her heels slid against the ground as she rubbed at the back of her head with her free hand, swing settling into an idle position. Nell got over the not-pain quickly, fast enough to see Ari with her bag, and she tilted her head with a small smile. However, she lifted her eyebrow when she saw the expression and the gesture for her to follow. It was almost instinct, knowing that she was in trouble and that Ari was in serious-mode. It made her gut lurch, but she didn’t let herself worry too much before her best friend even said anything. You’re just paranoid, nothing new. Even when Ari didn’t seem too pleased, Nell was happy to see her. It almost seemed like life could be normal again, and she wanted to ask the older girl everything she’d missed in her time away. And..

And in a surreal moment of panic, she wanted to tell Ari everything. Hello, I just got back from my murder trial and I don’t know why I’m not happy. I was acquitted, and I can now live in Canada legally, but it’s just not working for me. Why am I not working right? I have to take pills to work right, isn’t that totally pathetic? But she knew in doing this, she’d be admitting everything lied about, from the fact that for as long as the college girl had known her she had been a fugitive to the fact that she had killed her mother. She won’t like me if she knew. Now there was that uncertainty—did she already know? It wasn’t at all farfetched—people she’d never tell in a million years about her past now knew it like a fact they read in a history book, and this thought always brought her near tears.

Still, she picked herself up from the swing, jean-clad ass wet with slush, and headed over to the bench as she sipped on the hot chocolate. She sat opposite of Ari at her command, didn’t argue against it even though she was tense now. ”Sup, Ari-Bear,” she said affectionately, her fondness not lost in the depression. ”It’s been a little while. How’ve you been?” It felt odd to be speaking so normally when it seemed Ari wanted to have a conversation about…something. Something serious, at least. They’d kept in touch, but Nell always wanted to know about changes. "And you made it in record time. Were you home?"

[arielle]

She knew it didn't hurt her, mainly because she wasn't trying. She would have yelled out in pain or whatever. She saw her smile, and was tempted at smiling at her back. Yet she needed to let Nell know that a very serious conversation is about to take place, and that all niceness and rainbow ponies need to be set to the side.

She didn't want to make the girl nervous, though, but she had a feeling that she was. It was a very rare occasion for Ari to be this serious, but she had a good, legit reason. Her friend just took off to New York without saying goodbye. She thought they were best friends. Wouldn't best friends tell each other about stuff like that?

Maybe Ari was on a different wavelength than Nell. It never occurred to her that Nell only saw her as just a friend, and not a best friend. The thought never occurred to the woman because they did almost everything together and has been through everything. A quick thought of her boyfriend shot in her head as she thought these things through, and a wave of anger flashed through her. He’d better not be the reason why she disappeared or so help me…

Ari had to calm herself as Nell sat in front of her. She didn’t want let on that she was angry at Nell. Well, not now anyway. So Nell gave her her usual greeting, as if everything was all fine and dandy, followed by how long it has been. Ari couldn’t help be bark out a harsh laugh.

“A little while?” she said more to herself than to Nell. “How have I been? Gee Nell, I don’t know, maybe you can help me out here.” She leaned forward and laced her fingers together. “How would you feel if your friend took off out of country without a goodbye and gave her little to no contact while she was there?” She completely ignored Nell’s other comment about home. This wasn’t about her right now, it’s about Nell.

[NELL DOE DALE]

The younger girl blinked as she repeated her words. ”Well…a little over a week, right?” She was desperately trying to hold onto the façade of a light and amiable conversation. That’s what she wanted with her friend after what she’d been though. Best friend. Thinking like that only made her feel sick, or rather sicker. She didn’t like lying, but for a year it had been necessary to survive. If she told Ari this, she’d understand, wouldn’t she? It was a matter of self-preservation, a matter of survival. You could have done all this so much better. She realized just how many regrets she had, but couldn’t allow herself to be distracted when speaking to Ari when she was obviously upset. Or so Nell thought. She couldn’t read Ari like the back of her hand, but it was easy to pick up cues. They’d spent so much time together, and the girl was one of her oldest friends, if not the oldest. She didn’t have childhood friends, so that meant a lot to her.

Nell visibly winced at her best friend’s words, squinting an eye as if having just been physically attacked. She felt winded, and she drew in a breath. ”I told you I’d be going away,” she defended herself weakly. But Ari was right—she hadn’t said where or why, it was just a vacation away from the Canadian winter. It hurt, knowing that she’d made Ari angry with her. That was the last thing she wanted. If Nell wanted her existence to serve any purpose, it was to make everyone around her happy. And it seemed she was failing quite miserably at that. She looked at her own hands as her fingers threaded together in front of her on the table. ”It’s…complicated…” Was she really falling back on that old one, the excuse she used whenever someone questioned her about her personal life? Was she really doing this to a girl who she considered her sister?

She dared a glance back up at the other girl, wondering whether or not she should meet her eyes. She was afraid of what she might see. ”I’m sorry,” she said pathetically, truly meaning it. Her hands fidgeted on the table, Nell lifting them up and thumping them lightly against the synthetic wood. ”You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right, Ari?” Of course, she would slip up, being only human. But she wouldn’t hurt Ari intentionally, never intentionally. Unlacing her hands to brush a strand of hair behind her ear, she said, ”That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to avoid. Ari, I’m…I’ve gotten myself into big trouble, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with that. I still don’t.” She bit her lip. Was that enough? What did Ari really think about her? She doesn’t know, does she? Nell wanted that thought to go away as soon as she became aware of it floating around in her mind. She doesn’t need to know.