* it's a long way home, [ethan]

[NELL DOE DALE]

EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR IT

* EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL ,

IT'S A LONG WAY HOME

Nell felt tired.

She felt tired all the time now. At first, she’d chalked it up to jetlag. The plane trips had been exhausting, the trial traumatic, and in-between she’d had little to no sleep. But that wasn’t it anymore. At least, that’s what the cousellor she went to for her father’s benefit told her. Was the diagnosis of clinical depression supposed to make her feel better? The drugs certainly were supposed to, and she hated that. Psychotic, clinical, what was the difference? On her laptop she looked them up to compare. Well, clinical depression did not include psychosis. That was a good sign. Apparently, what she had was normal. Common. Everyone from teenagers to the mailman could experience it. A sick feeling filled her stomach when she noticed how it was described as a sickness, and she closed the laptop.

She wanted to sleep.

Sleep was refuge from her thoughts. Usually, she’d have gone out and done something to avoid her troubles. But even that wasn’t working anymore, especially when it was difficult to even get out of bed and face the world. All she wanted to do was sleep in, but she still had a job and a social life to keep up. Where had her energy gone? Winter did not help, and she felt like a flower trying to bud through the snow. With this thought, she looked over at the space heater she’d gotten earlier in the year. It’s been a year. Since she’d fist to come to Canada, since she found the Academy, and now there was no more trial. It felt like so much had happened—she’d come back in contact with her father, she’d gotten a boyfriend, and there were a string of other events that didn’t seem so big then that she looked back at with nostalgia. She didn’t know how to adjust to the fact that there was no more danger, though. There was a future, and she couldn’t think of what to do with it.

Nell was disturbed from her thoughts when Pablo jumped up on the futon. He gazed at the closed laptop next to her, and then yawned, showing off his razor sharp teeth. She wondered how much he was affected by her lethargy. It was strange, the way he seemed to notice the change. Nell picked lint off the sheets. She could have gone back to sleep, but she’d been sleeping all day. Her hair showed for it in the way it frizzed. You need to get out. If she was going to stay up, she knew she couldn’t remain in her apartment. Her claustrophobia didn’t mind when she was asleep, but she still liked to be outside.

It was almost an effort to dresss as she pulled on jeans and tied her black coat around the first t-shirt she’d grabbed. Her hair fell into place after a brush-through, the straight locks caught up in a clip. Now all that was left was to decide where to go. A walk in the park may be good, but then she thought of how lonely that would be. Nell pulled out her phone and scanned her contacts until she stopped at someone who she hadn’t seen since the trial. Texting Ethan, she wrote, ”If you want to come to the park, I’ll be at the benches in a little bit. It really would be only a bit, because she drove and realzied just how cold it was when she got out. The benches were freezing under her butt, and it woke her up—even though she wasn’t sure if she’d like to be conscious. Even still, she took out the bubbles she’d brought in her bag, and swirled the wand around. The orbs seemed out of place in this kind of weather, but they occupied her. Not enough that her thoughts didn’t stray, but enough that she wouldn’t be affected by them.

[erin]

Dependence was something Ethan loathed. Having to rely on anyone else for anything made him feel antsy. He hated not being able to be independent and he especially despised the idea of someone doing him a favor, mostly because he owed them. The past week he had been crashing at his friend’s house in Maple Hollow while he went on a search for an apartment. Naturally, when he told his dad he wanted to stay at the Academy for the next four years, he wasn’t pleased. And he refused to pay full rent. So, Ethan found himself scouring the area for some place cheap and preferably somewhat clean. But his search proved to be harder than expected. He looked at a few apartments over the past few days but nothing struck his fancy. There was always something wrong and Ethan began to worry that he was just being picky. Maybe he was, but that didn’t mean he was going to settle for some run-down place only because it was cheap. But all of the more decent apartments meant he would have to get a job or at least play more gigs. His dad agreed to pay a portion of his rent as well as some of his tuition but it was up to Ethan to pay the rest. Money aside, eagerness bubbled up inside of Ethan at the thought of beginning college at the Academy. It was the first time he actually wanted to do something academically related. And another four years of schooling was better than moving back home. Heck, anything was better than that.

Ethan woke up late, as usual. Half-asleep, he showered and brushed his teeth. By the time he reentered the temporary room he was living in at his friends, he felt more awake. Yanking a pair of crumpled-up jeans from the floor, he hopped into them and threw a striped Henley shirt on. His plans for the day remained unclear, not sure what he wanted to do. Apartment-shopping had exhausted him and he was sure he didn’t want to go look at another today, even though he knew he should. The longer he dragged his feet, the longer he would be relying on his friend for shelter. However, he felt he deserved a day off. Noticing he was the only one in the house, Ethan decided he wanted to go out. But where? There were a few places he could go, maybe grab a coffee or pick up some new music. Grabbing his coat and scarf off his bed, he walked out the door into the cold air. Most would prefer to drive in the frigid air, but Ethan enjoyed the winter. Being deprived of it for most of his life, he greatly appreciated the season. And a little exercise wasn’t necessarily a bad thing for him.

A few minutes into his walk, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and smiled when he saw it was from Nell, asking him to join her in the park. Now that he thought of it, he hadn’t seen Nell in a while, not to mention having talked to her about the trial. He typed back difficultly with his gloved fingers, Sounds great, I’ll meet you there. With that, he took a left rather than a right. Fortunately his previous destination lay in close proximity to the park. After a few minutes, he reached the park and spotted the benches Nell had indicated and saw Nell herself. Grinning, he trotted over to her, pulling his scarf tighter around his neck. “Why hello there,

[/color]” he greeted with a wave. “Long time, no see![/color]” He sat down next to her on the bench. He knew the trial had passed and wondered what had happened. He’d been wondering about it lately, but he didn’t want to bring it up, hoping Nell would. Nevertheless, he was glad to see her.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

[NELL DOE DALE]

EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR IT

* EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL ,

IT'S A LONG WAY HOME

Nell was good at putting up masks. Maybe it was because she wanted everyone around her to be happy. Like Ethan, for instance. When he showed up, her spirits actually lifted. Maybe it was the fact that he came at all, or because she hadn’t seen him a while and she considered him a close friend. He knew about the trial, after all. The trial. With this thought, she wondered if he’d heard the verdict yet. Well, you’re in Canada, so it’s obviously innocent. But there was the question of whether he kept up with news coverage. She almost winced when she thought of it. News coverage. Her life was fodder for the media, and she was almost bitter because of it. Right now, she was too lethargic to muster up anything reminiscent of bitterness, save for when it came to herself. She’d learned things through the trial that she didn’t know about herself. This was something she was aware Ethan didn’t know, and she wanted to protect him from it. She didn’t want him to know how bad of a person she was, even though she’d been acqquited.

Even with all her self-depreciating thoughts, she smiled at Ethan as brightly as she ever would. Like the world was full of happiness and she was going to be all right. ”Oh hi, E-dog,” she responded cheerfully, putting the wand of her bubbles in the bottle before blowing and letting out another trail of them. They did look pretty with the scenery she had to admit. ”Yeah, it has been a while,” she said, dropping her hand a bit as if in consideration. She wondered if anything had happened with him during her absence. Of course, that’s what she wondered about everyone. She spent too much time thinking about herself and her regrets and how the trial played out now—she liked focusing on other people now. Her friends made her happy, and she wanted that. But she didn’t know how to make it permanent.

Patting the seat next to her, she playfully crooned, ”Sit with me, talk to me.” Her hand was bare and freezing, but she didn’t want to be fumbling with the bottle in her hand because of gloves. She was pretty good with that, but then again, she bartended with bare hands, not gloves. ”How’ve you been?” Of course she would fill him in about how the trial went down, but she wanted to see how he was doing first. Well…maybe not everything. There were things very personal that she spoke of in that court room that she never wanted to repeat. Thinking of what Pilar made her say—what her own lawyer let him ask—made her uncomfortable and almost angry. Some things should never be repeated. Hell, they should have never been spoken aloud. It was a part of the reason she burned all those pictures—in the vein of tearing down a building after a tragedy, she wanted to burn everything in her past. She wasn’t doing a very good job, though.

[erin]

Ethan tucked his hands into his coat pockets, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to shield his ears from the cold. As much as he enjoyed the winter, his body temperature never seemed to agree with the cold. But even wrapped in a scarf, his smile peeked through, easily noticeable. Seeing Nell again made him feel good, he’d been worrying about her ever since he found out her secret. The details of the trial remained somewhat vague to him. He occasionally would catch news of it but didn’t like hearing about it from any media source. To him, it made Nell seem as if she was just another criminal, the stories you flip by in the newspaper. He knew what Nell had told him and he didn’t want it to be corrupted by the news. However, he did make sure to know the gist of things. He wanted to be certain everything was going to turn out well. And when he had discovered the verdict his heart leapt. But he still didn’t know the specifics of the trial because he wanted them to come from Nell herself, if she wanted to tell. The idea of having your life on display for the public sounded horrific to Ethan. He didn’t want to be a part of the coverage’s consumers, he respected Nell too much.

He smiled when he noticed the bubbles coming from the wand Nell held. To him, she appeared to be the same Nell he knew before. But he didn’t know what had gone down with the trial and wondered about the impact that something like that had on a person. He assumed there had to be relief no matter what. Finding out you weren’t going to jail had to lighten the weight on one’s shoulder. He grinned at Nell’s greeting and sat down beside her. He felt the chill of the bench through his jeans as he sat. The park had a serene quality to it, and Ethan attributed it to the season. Winter tended to make everything appealing, even if it wasn’t snowing.

When Nell asked Ethan how he’d been, he quickly felt guilty for being so caught up in his own thoughts previously. His issue of searching for an apartment seemed trivial and unimportant compared to Nell’s situation. Not much had gone on with him since he’d last seen her. “Oh you know, same old, same old,

[/color]” he told her, shrugging. “But let’s not talk about me. The fact that I’m talking to you right now tells me that I’m in the presence of a free woman,[/color]” he said, smiling. He figured the fact that the trial had ended in her favor was a good thing, but he didn’t know how the trial itself affected Nell. He tried to make light of it but wondered if it was the right approach. “How have you been? How was…everything?[/color]” he asked, his tone serious, not directly mentioning the trial purposely. He didn’t know what Nell’s reaction to it all was, so he decided to handle the issue of the trial delicately for now.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

[NELL DOE DALE]

EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR IT

* EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL ,

IT'S A LONG WAY HOME

Nell rolled her eyes playfully at Ethan’s response. ”C’mon, there’s gotta be more than that going on,” she said. The girl understood if he wanted to keep some things personal, but this was her friend—she wasn’t trying to pry or anything. She took a great interest in what was going on with him, she wanted to make sure that he was doing good, if there was anything—even small—that he might want to share. It really made to brighten her day whenever se got to hear about her friends, even if they found themselves to be dull. ”I mean, are you going back to the Academy for college? Are you going to college at all?” She remembered back when they’d had that conversation over summer, when both of them were unsure about their futures. And even though she was liberated of all that, she was still unsure about many things. But one thing she did know—she wanted to go back to the Academy. She didn’t know what she would do without it. Even though the war hadn’t been too nice of an introduction to it, everything else had been wonderful for her.

It seemed, however, that Ethan was more interested in what happened at the trial. And that she could understand. She laughed lightly at his ‘free woman’ comment, her breath coming out in miniature clouds. ”Yeah, it feels pretty damn good living here legally,” she joked, looking up at the sky as she leaned back. Then she looked back down at the bottle in her hands, and thought of everything that would happen from here. College tuition, naturalization, new apartment, new job… There were a lot of things she needed to consider, and it was almost too much sometimes, ontop of everything else that decided to occupy the space in her head. She said, but it wasn’t uncomfortable or anything. ”Well, I was acquitted, as you know,” Nell began. There really was no way to explain everything that had happened in just that week. ”Josh was there, and Ace Lupus popped up.” She used his last name, in case Ethan didn’t know who he was. They were in the same element, but that didn’t count for too much.

Even her trust had its limits, and she was wondering how much she felt safe in telling Ethan. It wasn’t him—she knew how good a guy he was, how honest he could be. No, it was her own issues. Everyone knows enough about it, more than I’d like them. It caused a clenching in her gut, something that she felt she couldn’t just will him away. ”It was insanely stressful, yanno,” she said, making it sound like it was no big deal now. ”I’m just glad for it to be over with. No parole or anything. Just…freedom.” She bit her lip, before squinting her eyes at her friend, a question forming in her head, one she didn’t know if she wanted to voice aloud. ”Was anyone you know…talking about it? To you?” Curiosity would kill the cat, but she really wanted to know how many people may have heard of the trial in America.

[erin]

Ethan chuckled when Nell rolled her eyes at him. “Well, I suppose so…,

[/color]” he said with a grin. “Yes, I decided to go back to the Academy for college. It beats going home,[/color]” he said lightly, disguising the full loathing he had toward the idea of going home. “Besides, I can’t part with the place. Not yet, at least. Now I’m on a quest for an apartment![/color]” he said with a laugh, jokingly throwing his fist in the air. “So, what about you? Are you staying for college?[/color]” He hoped she would, remembering the conversation they had had over the summer about college. They both were in the same boat at least as far as college went, and he knew he’d be excited if she was staying as well. A good portion of his friends had chosen to remain at the Academy, but the few that decided to go their separate ways Ethan knew he was going to miss.

He smiled at Nell’s comment, silently wondering how she must be feeling. There was no doubt it had to be an enormous weight off her shoulders. “Man, I bet,[/color]” he said, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he grinned. Going around with something like that hanging over your head couldn’t be an easy load. Ethan nodded at the information Nell had told him, glad to hear of the support she had. He wasn’t going to pry about the trial; whatever Nell wanted to tell was fine with him. Besides, everything was over now. Sometimes, there were things that didn’t need to be said.

Ethan nodded again as she explained further. “It must feel amazing now that it’s all done,[/color]” he said. He stuck his gloved hands in his coat’s pockets in order to warm them. He hugged his coat a little tighter around him. Ethan had been expecting the question Nell asked, realizing he’d want to know the same thing if he was her. “Well, there was some talk going about, I’m not going to lie to you. But I never heard anything bad. People were concerned more, I’d say. I didn’t hear anything mean, just people being nosy like they always are,[/color]” he told her, trying to make it a little light with his last remark. But he told her the truth. Of course he had heard people talk, but there wasn’t anything terrible or crass, at least not anything he heard himself. And if he had he would have done something about it.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

[NELL DOE DALE]

EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR IT

* EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL ,

IT'S A LONG WAY HOME

Nell giggled when Ethan spoke of staying in college because he didn’t want to go home. ”Pff, who cares about education? As long as it gives you board and shelter,” she said with a wink. She really didn’t know much about the boy’s home life, and she was okay with that. Nell didn’t go looking for information about other people if they didn’t want to give it. She let people divulge their lives of their own volition. And she was sure Ethan understood why—she had a lot to hide, and wouldn’t want some common courtesy questions to be flipped on her, even though she ahd the perfect defense of ‘it’s complicated’. ”But that’s good,” she said sincerely. She was glad to see him furthering his education and all that jazz. ”Ooh, apartment hunting. You got a good job for that?” It was astounding, how much some apartments could go for. She should know—she’d been half-heartedly searching for one away from downtown. ”Yep, yep,” she responded easily. ”Got my major and everything. I’m set.” But she wasn’t as excited as she should be. She tried not to focus too much on that part.

Nell played with the bubble wand as she thought. Ethan had the right idea of what she should be feeling. And she supposed, in some way, she was feeling it. ”Yeah, it’s pretty liberating.” She didn’t have to worry about a small cell as a prospect for her future. She had a future now that the trial was over. It was amazing, really. With some apprehension, she didn’t have to wait long for Ethan to tell her what was up in her absence. She had to say, it was nice to hear that there wasn’t too much backlash. ”Concerned?” she wondered, and then made a soft sound of consideration in her throat. ”Well, I suppose I expected that. At least, it could be worse.” The phone calls that she wasn’t getting back, she could live with them. At least, she could try to. Even as she thoguht these things, she didn’t truly believe them. She was really feeling like crap about it all.

She sighed, her breath making itself apparent in the air. Nell didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about the trial that had made life somehow more difficult for her now. It was supposed to be a good thing, that she’d been acquitted, and yet she felt like shit. Not now, at least. Now she had Ethan. ”Well, since it’s not the most wonderful day to be outside,” she said with a crooked smile. ”Why don’t we find somewhere nice and warm to hang?” Nell didn’t do too well in the cold. She could handle it and wouldn’t complain, but it felt like her bones were being encased in ice cubes. It wasn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world, and she noticed that Ethan was shifting in his jacket a lot. They’d both be good with something to warm them up.

[erin]

“That’s what I’m saying!

[/color]” he exclaimed with a wide grin. “Seemed like a good enough reason for me.[/color]” Of course, his decision had been much more complicated but when he thought about it generally, it wasn’t that far off. Ethan liked to keep things simple and when he made the decision to stay for another four years it was more of a trusting-his-gut type of thing than an in-depth decision. “Well…if you call playing random gigs at obscure locations a good job then yes…,[/color]” he joked. “The whole job situation is my next obstacle, but for the time being my dad has agreed to help out with some of the rent. At least until I get on my feet.[/color]” Ethan realized that even if he and his dad never got along, he had to be appreciative of his generosity when it came to the Academy. His dad hated any association with the school and Ethan knew there was much reluctance when it came to his agreeing to help Ethan out. But not everyone had this luxury of their parents helping them out and Ethan was grateful for this. However, he hated the thought of relying on his dad and knew he’d have to get an actual job so he could finally be on his own.

“Gee look at you go![/color]” Ethan said about Nell’s college status. “That’s awesome though. Look at us, college kids![/color]” He smirked and laughed. “I’m totally lost on the whole major-shindig. What’d you decide on?[/color]” he asked. He was clueless when it came to this, hoping that at some time in his first year he would have an earth-shattering epiphany and know exactly what he wanted to do. There had been no such luck so far.

Ethan realized that not everyone must’ve had the same reactions to Nell’s trial as the ones he had heard. Of course, the people who would be talking to him weren’t the type to say something bad about someone like Nell and they could’ve had tampered with their opinions around him due to the fact that they were friends. “Well, as much as I heard, anyways,[/color]” he said, giving a sheepish shrug. “But, whatever anyone has to say is irrelevant now. And if someone has something rude to say then they can answer to me,[/color]” he said as he jokingly flexed a measly muscle. But he wanted to lighten the mood. He wondered if Nell had heard people talking or if people had said anything to her. He hoped they hadn’t, but people could be mean, he certainly knew that.

He couldn’t help but be glad at Nell’s suggestion of moving to a warmer location to chat. He loved the outdoors, especially at winter, but the chill air had gotten to him. “Hmm…yes that sounds like a favorable idea to me,[/color]” he said with a smile. “Oh what’s somewhere nearby that’s warm? Wanna grab a coffee or something like that?[/color]” Ethan always had a hungering for caffeine. His personality usually fit comfortably into the typical coffee-house scene anyways. He dug his hands further into his pockets, his fingers feeling colder.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

[NELL DOE DALE]

EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR IT

* EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL ,

IT'S A LONG WAY HOME

Nell’s eyes lit up at the words. ”Hey, that sounds fun,” she told him when he spoke of random gigs. ”Even if it doesn’t pay the best. Where've you played?” She couldn’t speak, though, since Blackjack did pay pretty well. Of course, it was an upscale bar that treated its employees well, and it was stable—unlike what Ethan was doing. She liked being a bartender, even though life wasn’t the best for her. She was good at it and she liked the people she met. Yes, that included the rich bitches who simply enjoyed flaunting their money and bought the most expensive cocktail…which only turned out to be two ounces of vodka and some fruity drink. ”That’s awful nice of him,” she said, mostly unaware of the situation between Ethan and his father. She knew from the rare times he mentioned him that there was something up there. ”I guess you don’t have to worry too much about it. But I bet you’re itching to be out on your own.” She would be, at least, and she was pretty sure Ethan wasn’t one who liked to be coddled either.

She flipped her hair when the Water graduate joked with her. ”Who’da thunk it?” she said. Nell had faith in her friend at least, but her…her future had been more shaky and obscure in her eyes. Who knew, Ethan may have been having trouble in his own life, but she certainly hoped not. Apparently he was lost when it came to majors, so she smiled when she told him hers. ”English and literature, baby. I decided to take a minor in philosphy.” She wanted classes in the subject after all, and she was also taking psych and sociology classes. ”you just have to think of what you’re good at and what you like to do. Like music, have you considered majoring in that?” It seemed like a good one for him to take, in her eyes at least. She tilted her head when she said, ”’Course, you don’t have to choose everything now. Some people don’t pick their majors until junior year.” It might have come to that if she hadn’t scrambled together the money before the deadline. She might not have even been going to college. Nell had considered asking her father for help, but then remembered how much he had already helped her, and decided it may be best to leave him alone.

Nell scrunched her nose up a bit as she thought of the trial, of the friends she may have or may not have lost. She hadn’t spoken to Ashton in a while, and she figured that she may want to speak to him to see what’s up. She turned her head to look at Ethan and pushed him gently when he started flexing his muscles. ”I feel so safe, thank you,” she said, only half-jokingly. Because it was nice to have him on her side, especially when she felt the way she did. No matter how many people you lose to this, you still have Ethan. And that’s all she kept in mind, the fact that she’ll always have someone to stand with her. He agreed with her idea of going somewhere warm, for which she was thankful for. They surely were both freezing their asses off. ”How about Timmies?” she said. It had quickly become one of her favorite places living in Canada. She knew the hcain was also in America, but she hadn’t seen any to be sure. Of course, she hadn’t seen very much in her time in New York.

She stood and grabbed her bubbles, placing them in her bag, and made small talk as they headed to Timmies. It was amazing, how content she felt now. But she knew this was a moment’s pause in the mental sickness that had laid claim to her. When Ethan and her eventually parted, reality would come back with the loneliness and she’d feel the tiredness and the sickness. At Timmies, she got herself a black coffee, and chose a seat for them. ”Holy lovehandles, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to Canadian winters,” she told him, shrugging off her jacket. Her train of thought and seemed to instantly swerve when she said, ”Ooh, maybe they’re hiring here! Working at Timmies might be a good job.” She hadn’t seen any hiring signs, but if you asked, your chances may be high.

[erin]

Ethan smiled at Nell’s excitement when he mentioned his gigs. “Oh random places. Whoever’ll take me,

[/color]” he told her with a smirk. “No but I have played at one of the Timmies nearby once or twice. And then other places of that nature. It is money, so I can’t complain much.[/color]” Lately, Ethan had begun to realize the importance of money. It wasn’t that he took it for granted before, but he never had to worry about it before. When it came to work, Ethan did work hard unlike his attitude toward schoolwork. He actually cared to work when it came to someone depending on him and when it was important. Ethan couldn’t help but bite his lip when Nell said his dad was being nice. He constantly felt guilty when he thought about his father helping him out especially with their past. But he couldn’t deny that what he was doing was nice. “It is, I really do appreciate it. But yeah, I really just want to support myself and not need his help,[/color]” he said, but his smile was unable to mask the slight bitterness in his voice.

Ethan nodded as Nell told him what she had chosen to major in. “Oh that’s great, good for you![/color]” he said, genuine excitement in his voice for Nell. “I have thought about that, a lot actually. I mean, I’d love to do major in it. But then there’s like a part of me that thinks it isn’t practical…I don’t know,[/color]” he admitted, furrowing his brows. He wanted to pursue music or really anything related to performing more than anything but there was always that voice of doubt in his head. He realized that it was his father’s voice. He always doubted his music and his acting and no matter how much they disagreed, there would always be a part of Ethan that wanted to please him. Ethan nodded at Nell’s suggestion. “Yeah, I’m planning on just seeing how the first semester goes and take it from there. Heck, knowing me, it will take until junior year, if I’m lucky,[/color]” he joked, smiling.

He laughed, he too only half-kidding because he knew he would stand up for Nell no matter what. If he had heard someone say anything bad about her he would personally do something about it, whether he stood a chance or not. Friends like Nell he valued deeply and would defend her in a second. He nodded at her suggestion. “Timmies sounds perfect to me.[/color]” He stood from the bench, his body grateful to be heading towards warmth. He and Nell chatted on the way over, and Ethan was glad to see that Nell was okay. At least, she appeared to him to be. He wasn’t sure what was truly going on, but liked to see that she at least came off to him as happy.

The first step into the warm coffee shop and Ethan could already feel his fingers defrosting. He pulled them out of his pockets and wiggled them, feeling returning. He ordered a large hazelnut coffee and sat down with Nell. He took a sip from his coffee, feeling the warmth spread through his body. Removing his coat, gloves, and scarf he laughed at Nell. “No way! I sure appreciate the snow after growing up without it, but I do miss the warm winters on days like these,[/color]” he said, taking another sip. “Hmm it isn’t a bad idea…I’d be sure to get another gig or two in then especially if I worked here![/color]” He hadn’t actually thought about it before and it suddenly seemed obvious to him. He wondered if they were hiring.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify][/quote]

[NELL DOE DALE]

EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR IT

* EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL ,

IT'S A LONG WAY HOME

Nell couldn’t think of a better thing to hear than Ethan going places with his life. Well, he wasn’t a famous musician or anything like that, but he seemed to be doing good. He was getting by, he was making progress. It almost inspired her if she could feel better—she wanted that. She wanted progress when she was in this absolute standstill. She caught the tone of his voice, however, and wonder where the edge was from. Probably just wants to do things for himself and not rely on his father, she thought, and she understood. She hated to rely on other people, not out of pride, but because she liked to take care of others. ”Eh, you’re young!” She said, flailing her hand around. ”Eventually you get a good job and you’ll be able to do things on your own. You have time.” She wondered how true that was. Ethan would be able to do it—in her mind, he could do anything—but was that something she could tell herself and take seriously? I hate thinking about myself. Her mind’s voice was practically a grumble. She really disliked all this turning things around on herself, all this paying attention to her needs and wants.

Tilting her head, Nell’s lips twitched into a smile when he commended her. She found it funny and sweet at the same time, and didn’t even know why. When he moved on to himself, she had to nod her ascent. ”I can see where you’re coming from,” she told him. Even though she didn’t know much about life and surviving in the real world, she could see where he came from. The Sinclairs were lucky, as musically endowed as they were—her great aunt was a music producer, they were old money, so they could do whatever they want and never have to worry. Sometimes she wished for that—not the Sinclair way of life, but the security of never having to worry. Jane chose a life of crime alongside her music and she paid for that, though. ”Maybe you should make a list,” she told Ethan. ”You know, pros and cons. Or think of what you could use the degree for. Like musical history, or teaching theory, or starting at a record label and working your way up or something.” She’d love to connect him, but she never wanted to speak to her great aunt. The things she heard about the woman made her sound even scarier than Jane. She laughed when he said that it might take until junior year. ”Que sera sera,” she said, one of her favorite sayings. ”Whatever will be, will be. It’s like Hakuna Matata.”

And sitting in the warmth of Timmies, it almost felt that way. She fingered at the bottle of bubbles that sat in front of her, and when Ethan started to speak he distracted her enough that when she thought she was picking up her coffee, it was actually the bottle. Luckily, she caught herself when she lifted it halfway off the table, and said, ”Wow, just about drank bubbles and you would have had to call poison control.” She picked up her coffee then and after swallowing it down and wincing from the heat, she said, ”Florida is like paradise. Snow wouldn’t dare touch it. But I hear it rains a lot.” She was pretty sure that it snowed a little as well, but then again, she never lived there. Ethan did, so he would be the one to clarify that for her. New York had its four seasons, though they were mild in comparison to some of the weather other places got. However, she wanted to forget most of her memories from living there. They weren’t pleasant ones after all. And yet, they were the ones always on her mind.

Nell held up her hands as if making the epiphany clearer to Ethan. ”I could ask for ya, if you like. See if they have any applications. Though a lot of places now hire online.” She didn’t know that for herself, since she’d been working as a bartender for so long now. A year, actually, and she always found that hard to believe. It’s been a year since she ran away, since she made the hugest mistake of her life, since she found a place where she actually felt like she might belong. Why couldn’t she be happy for these things, why couldn’t she be happy that she found a life that could be hers? It’s not your fault. She didn’t want the depression, she didn’t want these bad feelings all of the time. But they were there, and they scared her. ”Ever thinking about forming a band?” she asked with a grin, only half-joking. ”I’d volunteer to play the washboard. Or cowbell.” The only thing she may be inclined to was vocals, and that was thanks to growing up with opera and trying to imitate the songs, some in languages she didn’t even know.

[erin]

There were two vastly different ways Ethan looked at his situation. Sometimes he felt stuck, unable to support himself and trapped under his father’s help. But other times he felt liberated, that he was just beginning his life. Most of the time he felt the latter, hopeful of his future. Here was where everything began for him. And even though he wouldn’t be here without his dad’s help he was still on his own for the first time in his life. He nodded at Nell and smiled. “Ah yes, you are right. Plenty of time!

[/color]” he agreed, taking another sip of his coffee. And it was thoughts like that that set Ethan at ease. Sure right now he may need help, but eventually he’d make it. This was all just a transitory phase in his life, getting him ready for truly being independent.

The whole idea of choosing a major always made Ethan nervous. Decisions weren’t exactly his strong suit because he either reacted on instinct or became fickle and never made his mind up. Both which weren’t helpful to him. And the fact that this decision impacted his future also made him a bit more worried. “Yeah…I don’t know I guess I never really thought of it in that way. I mean I could always decide later on what it is exactly that I want to take it if I did major in music,[/color]” he said as his mind started opening up more. “Look at that, well that’s why I have friends like you![/color]” he said, a big grin planted on his face. He fiddled with the cup of coffee, his face becoming more serious. “I think I’ve known I’m going to end up studying music or theater or something. But I’m just afraid of making it final, you know?[/color]” Ethan was never good when it came to taking things seriously. He preferred to laugh it off and keep things light, so when it came to serious matters he often got nervous about them and doubted himself. But he smiled at Nell’s saying, making him feel better. “I like that, I think I’ve heard it before. Makes things seem less serious![/color]” he said. Ethan too liked to look at things that way. He believed in fate and he always thought things worked out the way they were supposed to.

Ethan hadn’t even realized Nell picking up the bottle of bubbles and laughed when she pointed it out. “Oh a little bit of bubbles never hurt anybody…,[/color]” he joked with a wave of the hand. “Yeah, it is nice down there. The only thing I really miss a lot is the ocean, though,[/color]” he said. “Oh yeah, it rains a ton. But it’s surely welcomed in the summer to break up the hot days a little,[/color]” he told her. Sure, he missed home but there were too many memories he associated with it to truly miss it. He did miss the ocean and the beach; those were the only two things he actually liked growing up. But he grew to love his new home and found himself enjoying it more than Miami, snow and all. He had begun to wonder whether he’d ever go back home.

“You know what, I think I’ll ask on the way out, see if they’re hiring,[/color]” he answered. He’d never had an actual job before and the prospect of having one made him excited. The only way he’d made money during his high school years was through his music. Getting a paycheck every week didn’t sound like a bad thing to him. Ethan laughed at Nell’s suggestion of her role in the band. “I’ve been in a band before but, well, I guess you could say we had…creative differences.[/color]” He smirked and took another swallow of coffee. “I bet you’d play a mean cowbell,[/color]” he laughed. “Let’s ditch college and tour the world with our washboard/cowbell band![/color]” Ethan grinned, content with the moment, joking with Nell and his mind more at ease with college.

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[NELL DOE DALE]

EVERYTHING HAS A REASON FOR IT

* EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL ,

IT'S A LONG WAY HOME

Nell waved her hand in front of her face, rolling her eyes up to the ceiling with an air of importance. ”I know, I’m awesome,” she said, and even though she never felt that way, she was glad she could help Ethan even in the little ways. That’s all that matters, she told herself as a way to work around her emotions. She didn’t matter, her friends did. It only took subtracting herself from the issues, from the things that mattered, and she’d be safe again. Repression had worked for years—it’s why she managed to survive with her mother for so long—and she lamented the fact that she felt there was no way to get that back. Just focus on Ethan, she thought, and with a mental smirk she added, He’s the awesome one. She admired his passion for music, she really did. ”Or musical theater,” she said, and then her expression was slightly more serious as she considered his next words. ”Yeah, finality is a pretty scary thing.” Did she really think that? Nell was afraid of looking in the future, afraid of all the uncertainty, especially with what she was dealing with right now. What would happen? What would become of her? What if she never got better from the depression? What if she lived out her entire life feeling…wrong? Can’t even live by your own advice anymore, she thought when she laughed at his response to the saying. She wasn’t taking each day as it was and accepting things anymore—she was slowing, her progress non-existent.

She turned the bottle around and said, ”No nutrition facts. But I believe you’re right. I have yet to see an obituary that states the cause of death as bubbles. Though it would be entertaining, in a morbid way.” Nell actually read the papers, though she didn’t dwell longonthe obituaries, of course. Death was a scary thing, even when she had to accept it as a part of life when she was very young. She just hoped no other child has to go through that—especially considering the fact that she had watched her twin die. No child should ever have to suffer like she and her sister had. Instead of focusing on the thoughts that made her feel worse, she paid attention to what Ethan was saying about his home. ”Unfortunately we’re pretty much landlocked, huh. Except for the lakes.” The lakes were almost like oceans around here, which really astounded her. Unfortunately, she thought of her sister again and her desire to one day see the ocean. ”Plan to go back any time soon? It sure would be a relief from all the snow, huh?” Paradise sounded nice right about now, though she would never honestly complain about anything. Especially about things that couldn’t be fixed with complaining. Florida sounded hella nice, however, and she let her mind focus on that as the coffee warmed her up.

Nell grinned when he said that he would look in to getting a job at Timmies. That sounded pretty cool to her, actually. She loved this place. But she already had a job, and one that paid pretty well, so she wasn’t planning on quitting anytime soon. Especially since it had been the best kind of raise from Corrosion. ”Go for it,” she encouraged it. Getting a job would certainly be a step in the right direction when it came to thinking about the future. ”That’s usually the codename for Yoko Ono? Was it a chick?” she asked jokingly. Creative differences was also a codename for firing a band member, she found. But when it came to popular bands, she never tended to focus on their personal lives and the inner workings. It felt a bit too creepy to her sometimes. ”I’m in. Let’s get a bus. And groupies. We’ll also have to find ourself a manager,” she said, pointing the finger of the hand holding her coffee as if having a totally serious discussion. ”It’ll be great. And no chicks. We don’t want any ‘creative differences’.”

[erin]

Ethan grinned at Nell as he swished his coffee cup around, realizing he had drank half of it or more than half already. He went through at least three cups of coffee a day and had self-diagnosed it as an addiction. His coffee-maker at home was probably one of his most prized possessions. Ethan before his morning coffee wasn’t exactly the most favorable. Downing another swig of his beverage he nodded at Nell’s suggestion. “That’s crossed my mind a lot, too. Man, I’d love to do that for a living,

[/color]” he admitted. “It really is. I feel like once I get that doubt out of my mind that I won’t have a good career or make money out of those majors, then I’ll actually be able to pick.[/color]” His whole life he heard his dad telling him to quit with the drama and the music because he would never get a job doing that. He wanted him to be something boring like an accountant or a tradesman like his dad. But Ethan knew in the long run he was going to choose what he loved. It just took time to get there.

“Hmm well there’s got to be a first for everything! Yeah, I guess that wouldn’t be such a bad way to go,[/color]” he joked. He never really thought about death much, never really had a reason to. Sure, as a kid he had to deal with bullies but he never had to struggle with tragedy. Counting his blessings was what got him through middle school because he knew he was more fortunate than others. Talking about his home, however, brought up the memories associated with growing up. “Mhm, no oceans up here. But the lakes are nice substitutions,[/color]” he told her. He liked spending most of his time when it got warm out around the lakes. Even though he did prefer the beaches from home, he’d take the lakes any day rather than go home. “It would be a nice break from the cold,[/color]” he said with a weak chuckle. “But, I haven’t been home in a year or so. I’m not sure when the next time will be, but Canada’s got my heart for now,[/color]” he said, this time giving a genuine smile. He’d completely skipped going home the past two breaks, rooming with friends during them and hadn’t gone back for Christmas either. Now that he was older, he focused more on himself and what he wanted. He used to feel guilty and would cave in and return for the holidays but he got tired of it. The tension and obvious disapproval wasn’t worth it and it wasn’t like he had any friends back at home. Lately, he hadn’t seen the point in visiting.

Mentioning jobs, Ethan realized if he wanted one he’d actually have to get the ball rolling. Which meant applications. He figured he’d have to start looking and applying if he wanted to work anywhere. He hoped Timmies was hiring, but he knew he should start applying to other places as well. Ethan laughed at Nell’s reference. “It sure is, every band has got one I personally think. Our drummer had a girl who definitely contributed to the split up, but it was all sorts of things that balled up over time,[/color]” he told her, rolling his eyes. Ethan found that after being in a band he liked doing things solo. Sure it was fun, but in the long run he liked to do it himself, he hated relying on people. “Oh boy, I’ve always wanted groupies. All right this plan is a go, for sure,[/color]” he said, smiling. “Yes, girls shall be sworn off for the time.[/color]” He laughed as he crossed his heart to make it clear.


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