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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Dec 2, 2011 19:27:17 GMT -5
 It was a cold, January day. The winter break had come and gone, the past few weeks nothing but a blur. Devin spent most of his time hiding out in his room and ignoring most of the world around him, feeling nothing but remorse, regret, and vast amounts of guilt. Not a moment went by where he felt the least bit better than he did since that night at prom. I shouldn’t have kissed her… Rang through his mind as the boy ran a hand through his blonde hair, his face sullen and emotionless as he slumped over on his mattress. It was so bad, in fact, that Lauren had taken to ignoring him most of the time because nothing she said or did could elicit any response out of him. Devin felt like a shell. A bastard of a shell that hurt the one person he never wanted to hurt. It twisted his heart into a tight knot. He could not seem to untie it no matter how many times he tried. A few days he went to the club and sat at the bar, staring at the polished wood. It was not going to work this time. No amount of alcohol could diminish what he felt welling up inside. And so, with a sigh he would walk back out of the building and sulk about the streets of the Hollow hoping to find some sort of distraction. Nothing removed the hole in his chest. I’m a monster. Devin thought bitterly as he gripped the sides of his head and stared at the carpet at his feet. He curled his toes briefly to feel the soft tendrils of fabric before lifting his head and staring at the ceiling. “I deserve to feel this way.”
After a moment or two of staring off into space, a voice disturbed his thoughts. “Devin. Your mood is really pissing me off. Leave the house.” Lauren deadpanned, staring at him with a dangerous gleam in her eye. Devin shrugged and stood up as he looked out of the window; the weather was calm but it was going to be really cold today that much he knew. He slipped on a pair of running pants and stuffed a long-sleeve shirt into his back pocket; running with a shirt on felt constricting and made it hard for him to move. Once ready, he sighed and pushed past his step-mother and entered the living room. The baby was sleeping and his dad was busy watching a game. Neither acknowledged his presence. His head hung low as he slipped on his tennis shoes and left the house. The cold was definitely embracing. Maybe…just maybe…it would help distract from all of the pain inside. Devin inhaled sharply as he took off down the porch steps and began to run, his shoes barely touching the pavement. I love her. I love her so much…I wish I could take it all back. If time were able to be rewound, Devin would have dropped everything and taken Autumn into his arms. He would kiss her and not stop until she forced him to. He would never let go. Now she was like smoke; no matter how far out Devin reached, she was untouchable. It was his fault—he did not even attempt to call or text her after he ran out of the mess hall. He assumed that Autumn would not want to talk to him after what he did.
Minutes ticked by as his body heaved; the cold air restricted proper air flow to his lungs and made him weary. He did not stop, however. I need to run all of this off. His breathing was labored as the academy came into view; maybe he could find some solace at the lake, or go and climb the cliffs. Anything to push all of this away, even for a brief moment. The lake quickly dismissed itself in his mind. After their encounter at the water’s edge several weeks before, Devin was not all too keen on revisiting his memories just yet. Maybe not ever. Soon his feet carried him onto the academy grounds. The once grassy field was laden with a layer of snow, and sparkled in the watery sun. Devin grunted with frustration; now he would not be able to run as freely as he would like, being as the snow would most definitely slow him down. Instead the boy shook his head and began to walk across the grounds at a rather steady pace. I’m gonna get sick after this, but oh well. He had a sturdy immune system, but after running in this weather he could be sure there would be repercussions for it. Devin walked and walked, his shoes crunching in the snow as he went along. It was up to his body to lead him now. It did not take him long to realize that the lake was now sitting not too far on the horizon, its surface shimmering with ice. He turned his head and made way for the other direction. That was not going to happen today. Autumn…
He blinked a few times as the wind brushed by, bringing him to shiver a little. It mattered little in the big picture, and soon the cold no longer bothered him. It seemed no amount of cold weather or pain could remove what he felt in his heart. Soon he slowed to a stop and just stared out over the grounds, wondering what he was supposed to do now. Blinking again, Devin sniffed and wiped at his face; sure enough, the boy was crying. He looked up at the pale sky and released a small sob before trying to compose himself. Who knew who else was out lurking the grounds today? No one needed to see him falling apart…as though seeing him shirtless in the middle of winter was not a big deal. Feeling that it would draw unnecessary attention, he pulled the shirt out from his back pocket and slid it over his body. When Devin decided to take his run back home he would remove it again. It was simply too difficult to run with it on, even in the cold.
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Post by renn on Dec 2, 2011 22:04:26 GMT -5
Agony. Rage. Depression. Heartbreak. They all flowed through Autumn at the same time as she laid curled up under her convertor in her dorms. She had no one to go to, no where to be even though the break had come and gone. Her break had been a disaster. After admitting her feelings to 'him', 'him' throwing her heart away like it was nothing, inviting her to prom as just friends, and then kissing her and running out of the mess hall.
She sniffled at the thoughts, turning over onto her side and burying her head into her pillow. She was nice and cozy even though it was all for the wrong reasons. Except she didn't exactly want to be cooped up anymore in her dorm. Ever since that night at prom, she had been crying to hard to even notice that she had run for her dorm, dissing her shoes at the entrance. The cement had caused little damage to her feet, so she didn't mind that now her feet were slightly sore from the exchange.
A sigh escaped her as she blinked and sat up, wiping her cheeks with the back of her palm. She bet she looked like a mess. And in the mean time it really was time to get up and get out of this funk. But it was hard. And no matter what she did, she couldn't shake the feeling of being dead and hurt. Devin had really shoved the knife in her heart this time. And as she thought about it, maybe this was his whole plan of dissing her, making her so hurt that she didn't want anything to with him so he could go out and do many other girls.
Just like Harley.
Yeah, she knew all about him and Harley. They had slept together and who knows what. What did she have, she didn't?! It didn't seem right to her. She scolded herself silently though, she needed to get Devin off of her mind so she pushed the covers off of her and pressed her feet to the floor on the plush carpet. Everything felt weird to her, but she had been stuck in a room for at least a week, so she knew she would get over it quickly if she went outside for a jog. She stretched her arms way above her and heard several pops from her spine so she rolled her neck to side, it popping in response as well.
A sigh escaped her as she stepped over to her dresser and grabbed her brush before turning to look in the mirror. Her eyes were lifeless, her hair a mess, her face pail and red. She had been crying, so she knew her face would be red. She rolled back her shoulders quickly before running the brush through out her hair, getting quiet a few tangles out before she flipped her head over and pulled her blonde hair up into a pony tail, her bangs falling to the left of her face but she didn't mind. Her eyes scanned her image before she scooped up her eye liner and brushed it over her bottom and upper of her eye.
No she wasn't trying to impress someone; she just didn't leave with out make up on, simple as that. As soon as she looked okay to at least go out into the open world she stepped over to her closet and rummaged through her clothing to find a black shirt, a navy blue hoodie, dark flare jeans, and her pink converses were already by the night stand. She pulled each item off the hanger, and was about to step back and pry off her sweat pants and long t-shirt she saw a piece of blue lace stranded in the back corner of her closet. Her breath caught and tears rolled down her face before she slammed the door shut. No, not again.
She wiped the tear away again before prying off her clothes and changing into her presentable clothes. Slowly she walked over and grabbed her shoes and socks before sliding each one on. Yeah, a run would definitely get her mind off things. So as soon as she slid on her shoes, she grabbed her ipod off the side table and slid the black band up to her upper arm and put the black ear plugs in her ears, turning it on as she opened the door. Music blasted through the ear phones as she walked out of the Earth dorms.
Everyone seemed to just gape at her as they hadn't seen her since prom when she had been a reck. And she she still looked like one. So she just ignored everyone, her head down as she got outside. But as she looked around she saw snow on the ground. Great. That would make it harder to run on but as she looked at the side walks they were actually partially clear so she could just run up and down side walks for as long as she could without getting to cold. Which she would get cold anyway, but she would push herself until maybe she got sick. Who knows.
Her eyes closed for a moment before she picked up into an easy jog down the sidewalk from the dorm. Her eyes were downshifted at her feet that were just a pink blur. Her jog wasn't exactly fast, but it was fast enough. Let's just say she was running to Brokencyde's rhythm in Bree Bree which was quiet slow yet quiet fast at the same time. It was a good rhythm and would keep her occupied without pushing it. That is until she found out different.
Her mind filled with images of Devin. Devin here, Devin there, Devin was everywhere and it had tears traveling down her face as she breathed in a sharp breath of cold air. The cold air ached in her lungs and made her slow down for a moment. It was hard to run in the cold as you couldn't grasp a full breath of air, but even though that was the case she pushed herself back to the old rhythm as a new song came on. Your Guardian Angel – Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. A quiet sob escaped her as she stopped dead in her tracks and finally looked around.
She was under a large oak tree, the grounds of the academy looking beautiful covered with snow. But it was a dead zone. No one was this crazy to come and actually adventure. Well, obviously Autumn was that crazy because here she was jogging in the snow. She took a deep breath wiping her cheeks again. Good thing her eye liner was water proof! She took another deep breath to settle her nauseous stomach before picking up once again in a jog, her eyes looking down once again.
Her legs burned, but she kept pushing herself even though her chest heaved for her to stop. She just wouldn't. Not until she made herself sick or collapsed in a heap of tears..But as the thought drifted through her mind, she collided with someone on her side. A gasp escaped her as she stumbled back. It felt like a million bricks had hit her in the chest. She breathed heavily as she slipped a ear phone out of her ear before looking up at the stranger. Nice going Autumn and your stupid clumsyness. “I'm sorry, I should have been more cautious of my surroundings.” Her voice was soft as she finally got a good image of the stranger. It was Devin.
She stepped back, her eyes blinking at him. Oh god. Anyone but him! She took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat. What was he doing here? He should have been out getting other girls to put in his bed. Or at least be at home with his family. She bit down on the inside of her lip, tears springing to her eyes but she held them back. “Oh, hey.” Her voice was not hostile, not judging, but sad and just plain dead.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Dec 2, 2011 22:45:09 GMT -5
Devin continued to look up at the sky, his eyes burning with the tears that threatened to flow. He always managed a smile, a joke, a smirk…but not today. No matter how hard he wanted to be himself, it was damn near impossible. The cold wind brought a faint pink to his cheeks; fortunately it hid the red hue caused by his previous outburst of tears. It was a viable excuse. He was supposed to be stronger than this, but apparently the boy underestimated his feelings for a certain blonde girl. I tore her apart. Devin did not realize what he had truly done by asking Autumn to go to the prom with him—it was honestly a way to try and keep their friendship together despite the feelings that she had for him. Little did he know that his feelings for her were the same, if not stronger (as far as he knew), but by the time he realized it, it was simply too late. He was always too late. Nothing ever went right. Devin always strived to make his friends happy, and the end result seemed to end up going horribly wrong. He thought of giving up. That would be an easy thing to do, and the heartache would eventually disappear. On top of that, his tendency to hurt others inadvertently would greatly diminish and thus everyone would truly be happy. It seemed his efforts really were fruitless. It hurt. Devin could feel his chest tighten at the thought that he was possibly the worst person ever to walk the face of the earth. His selfless deeds were selfish, and no one benefitted. For once in his life, the blonde felt worthless. Not just worthless in a relationship, but with his friends in general.
Quietly he relieved a small sigh to hold back his emotions before staring at the ground. His hands dug deep into the pant pockets, fingers grateful for the sudden warmth he offered them. I should have brought gloves. Too late for that now; that was, unless he decided to go ahead and run all the way back home. He did have school in the morning, and with how awful his sleeping habits had been recently it was probably best to try and get some rest before then. Devin frequently dozed off in class, but that was out of boredom. He was always listening, even though his eyes were closed. It seemed that tomorrow would bring about a deeper sleep that would require the teacher screaming in his ear to wake him up. Not that he cared anymore. Not much mattered. Life seemed rather pointless if he did not have that one important person to share it with. Shuffling his feet for a few moments to decide whether or not to run back home, he felt a large shove from behind. “Oof!” Devin fell forward a little, nearly losing balance from the impact. Who else could possibly be out here running? Well, he was, so there was a chance of running into someone else along the way (not literally though). The blonde rubbed his back for a moment before turning his attention to the voice that chimed in his ears. An angel. It sounded oddly familiar, but his new habit forced him to push the idea of Autumn to the back of his mind. What were the odds that she would be out here too? Not likely. In fact, if she saw him there was no doubt in his mind she would take off in the other direction and avoid him completely. Devin felt his heart ache again as he smiled and turned his head. “Oh, it’s fine. No harm don—“
Blue eyes turned their attention to a blonde girl standing before him. The girl that haunted his dreams and sabotaged his subconscious. He could have sworn his heart stopped, but alas he was still standing and unable to divert his gaze away from Autumn. Devin felt his mouth go dry as he stared at her, trying to think of something to say. “Hey…” What kind of response was that? How stupid. After all of the pain the boy put her through, the best thing he could come up with was ‘hey’? Devin released a small sigh, his warm breath pillowing past his nose and into nothing. He felt as though he were suffocating; the air between them seemed thick with tension and sadness. In fact, as Devin looked into her eyes the tears revealed themselves boldly. He quickly looked down and stared at the ground, trying to count the small blades of grass that pushed through the frozen layer of snow. “I um…I’m sorry, Autumn. About everything.” He faltered, refusing to ask the generic ‘how are you?’ That would have been pushing the envelope and to do so meant that he did not care. And he cared, more than she could ever know. “I put you through so much pain. I didn’t mean to leave you at the prom…I just…didn’t know what else to do. We went as friends and I ruined it. I figured if I stayed it would not do either of us any good.” Devin could not seem to stop himself from throwing out excuses; it was all he could do to keep from falling apart in front of her. “I did you wrong, and I know it. I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten. I feel so…incredibly…guilty.” A tear fell down his face. “And I don’t know if you would ever want to forgive me. Not that I deserve forgiveness.”
He had the opportunity to have so many girls; they were always waiting around in the wings for another fun night. But that no longer mattered. None of the other females in the world mattered except for the girl standing before him. She meant everything. It pained him to know that she might not accept his apology and walk away in a huff, leaving him a heap in the snow. If that was what he deserved, then so be it. Devin would take it as best he could and try to stand firm. I can’t stand to see what I’ve done to her…I truly am a monster.
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Post by renn on Dec 2, 2011 23:16:54 GMT -5
She swallowed the lump in her throat as dark chocolate locked with blue. Her eyes were glazed over with a slight moisture, but she wasn't about to cry in front of the cause of her problems. But as she studied him, she watched his body movement. Did he feel guilty at all for leaving her alone at prom? Did he feel guilty about making her cry and actually try to run after him in heels? Probably not. He probably went and got drunk and hooked up with another girl. Maybe even Harley again.
Her teeth clamped together and she watched as he looked down at the ground and started to apologize of course with a simple hey before that. Did he think he could just really apologize and everything would be okay? Of course not. Because soon after he told her he wouldn't blame her for not accepting his apology. She had to stop him there. But before she could get a word out he was stating that he couldn't sleep, and couldn't eat.
That had guilt prodding at her own heart.
She sighed softly, watching as a tear drifted down his cheek. He was now crying in front of her. Great. Just great. She took a deep breath of cold air and looked around at her surroundings. Could she just turn and walk away? Never looking back? No, of course not. She could never do that to him even with the pain he had put her through. Her eyes lowered as she messed with the hem of her navy hoodie. She rolled back her shoulders and looked up at him.
It was her time to talk.
The earth student had a few words to play out. She blinked at him for a moment before stuffing her hands in her hoodie pockets. “I get it...You just went with me cause you felt sorry for me. Devin, I will accept your apology, but tell me one thing. W-Why'd you sleep with my best friend?” As she asked the last part her voice broke and tears traveled down her face. She turned her face away from him, her eyes closing tightly. “W-What does she have that I couldn't...give you?” She sniffled as she wiped at her cheeks, but the tears were just getting replaced over and over again.
Here came the water works she was hoping to avoid.
“I just wish I never told you how I really felt...Everything would be normal if I hadn't opened my fucking big mouth...” She whispered it under her breath, but she was pretty sure Devin would hear it. That was actually the first time Autumn had ever cussed out loud before. She had cussed in her mind plenty of times, but out loud, nah. It wasn't for Autumn. But she was so stressed, so caught up in her own hysteria that she didn't even care. “I'm sorry Devin..” She coughed into her hand, shaking her head, pulling her hood up to cover her face as she turned to look up at him, her hood casting a shadow over her face. |
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Dec 2, 2011 23:55:39 GMT -5
Devin could not help but reel his head back at her statement. Did she truly think that he took her to prom out of pity? Was he that horrible of a person to where even Autumn assumed that his intentions were truly so dark and selfish? His chest rose slightly as it tensed up, his body slowly starting to ache from the emotional pain wracking his insides. If he could, Devin would curl up on the ground and just let all of it out, but unfortunately with Autumn standing there that was not going to be possible. “It was not out of pity. I just…” What was the reason? Did he even have one to offer her? Not really, and that bothered the hell out of him. Devin scratched the back of his head as his gaze lowered slightly. He felt the burn of tears again. “I wanted to take you because I wanted to. I know it seems like a pity party, but it was far from it. I enjoy spending time with you. I guess…” He swallowed, his throat like sandpaper. “I guess my intentions came across the wrong way.” It made his head throb from the onslaught of sadness that took over his heart, but instead of revealing the pain towards Autumn he merely kept his gaze away from hers long enough to compose himself. This had to be the third worst day of his life, aside from the day she admitted her feelings and he turned her down and running away at the prom. She seemed to accept his apology, but her question threw him off guard. Devin felt his stomach clench up tight.
Harley.
Make this the fourth worst day of his life. So Autumn knew about his night with the fire girl. Of course she would! They were best friends. How could she not know what went on with someone she spoke to on a daily basis? As time passed on Devin felt more and more miserable. He felt nauseous. Quickly he shook his head and looked her straight in the eye, lower lip quivering. “Because I was depressed, Autumn. I was stupid. I was an asshole. I didn’t think…I did wrong. I thought it would help me escape but…it didn’t.” In all truth, it did, but the escape only lasted for a few hours after the fact before the blonde haired girl entered his thoughts once again. Ever since that night, he had not kissed nor touched another girl because Devin could not stomach doing it again. It no longer felt satisfying. It was empty. He wanted to spend his emotions and physical affections on a girl that mattered. A girl like Autumn. The girl he loved. Part of him wanted to lean in and just kiss her to prove a point, but that was useless right now. Autumn wanted answers, and he was going to give them to her whether it hurt him or not. She deserved them after all of the shit he put her through. It was only fair. Sadly the next question would be even harder to answer. A stray tear fell down her face as she spoke, making him cry all over again. I wish I was stronger. I wish I was better for you.
“It’s not that…” Devin was not exactly sure how to respond without flat out telling Autumn how he felt. If he told her now, then things would change. She would waste her time on a boy who was not worth her affections. She deserved so much more than what he had to offer. His offering was meager and meaningless. It hurt to come to terms with that fact, but it had to be done. “It’s not that she had something more to give me, Autumn. Nothing like that. You have…so much to give. More than I deserve. You deserve better than this. Better than me. You deserve someone who can give you everything.” He wanted to continue, to tell her how much it killed him to turn her away and abandon her at the prom, but it seemed like a moot point now. Devin did turn her away and left her standing there on the dance floor, and no amount of excuses could ever fix that. Nothing could change what happened. He shuffled his foot in the snow and looked up at the wintery sky again, this time letting the tears fall down his face. There was no point in stopping them now; if she was crying then he knew he deserved to shed his sadness too. Subconsciously Devin did not want her to feel alone in this, because she wasn’t. They were both suffering for the same reasons, but only one of the two knew that both of them had feelings for one another. Devin carried that burden for way too long, and his shoulders began to crumple beneath the weight.
While trying to quell the tears again so he could see past the blur of water lacing his eyelashes, her voice broke through the silence again. What would have happened had she kept her confession to herself? They would not be standing here crying, and Devin may not have ever hurt her. Yes you would have. If she liked you and you were with other girls…it would have hurt. Just…not this bad. No matter what scenario he tried to play out in his mind, Autumn wound up hurt. There was no escaping it. With a muffled cry, he listened as she apologized to him. Apologized to him. She truly was a good person. He fought against the weight of guilt that threatened to send him to his knees. After a moment, Devin stared into her shadowed eyes; Autumn had taken to pulling up her hood, possibly in attempts to hide her tears. He bit the inside of his lip. “If you hadn’t told me…I…” The blonde covered his own eyes with a shaking hand, unable to contain his emotions anymore. “I would not have realized how I felt about you.” His fingers twitched, preparing for her to turn and run away from him or toss his words aside like he had done to her at the lake all those weeks ago. He deserved to have them stomped on and thrown away, and he knew it.
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Post by renn on Dec 3, 2011 14:32:17 GMT -5
She took a deep breath and reached up on her tip toes, her thumb brushing away some of his tears before she jerked herself back. That was more of a guy thing, but she couldn't stand to see him cry. A sigh escaped her as she listened to him ramble about how it wasn't out of pity. It almost seemed he didn't have a logical explanation for taking her. And that made a quiet, very quiet, sob escape her as he explained he liked spending time with her. Did he really? Or was it just something to say to get him out of the whole he was in? She didn't know. “Y-yeah...Your intentions did kind of come off the wrong way...” Her head shook as she hid her face from him.
A shaky breath of air was taken in from her as she heard her ipod switch songs to What Hurts The Most – Rascal Flatts. It was the newest addition to make it to her ipod list. But it fit the situation Devin and she were in at this moment and her eyes slowly rose to his face as he spoke about the situation with Harley. A pain came from her stomach as he told her he had been depressed and stupid. “Escape what, Devin?! Escape from you turning your back on me, throwing my feelings away like a stupid stained rag?” Her voice was a slight angry whisper as she closed her eyes tightly, her face looking up to the sky. She was so stupid.
“So that's why you turned me down? Is because you felt you weren't good enough for what I have to give? How about you let me the judge of that, Devin Thatcher.” She grinded her teeth together for a moment before opening her eyes and looking at his face. “If I thought you weren't good enough for me, or deserved someone better than you, I would have never started to like you, I would have never accepted going to prom with you, I would have certainty never kissed you back when you kissed me, or ran after you in freaking high heels for Christ sakes! But I guess that doesn't matter now does it?” Yeah, she was being quiet harsh, but right now, he deserved it.
Slowly she regained her composer and wiped at her cheeks again, the water works had finally started to slow as he covered his face with his hands. Even though she was mad at him, she couldn't stop not wanting to wrap her arms around him and stop it. So when he simply stated that if she hadn't told him he would have never known his feelings for her, so coughed and looked up at him. She couldn't stand him crying, so she quickly walked forward and threw her arms around his neck, her cheek laying against his shoulder. “And what is that exactly?” She whispered it slowly, but soon buried her face in his shoulder, “Please...Don't cry, Devin..” |
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Dec 3, 2011 15:17:14 GMT -5
As if on instinct, Devin closed his eyes at her touch, but as quickly as her touch came it disappeared. It left his face cold. He would give anything to have Autumn not hesitate every single time she reached out, but it was to be expected. She liked him, and he crushed her. The girl was always thinking of others even amidst her own pain and suffering; Devin only felt his chest tighten all the more as guilt wave after guilt wave crashed on top of his head. He felt as though he were drowning. While explaining to her, Devin could have sworn he heard a small sob. It killed him inside, knowing that he was continuously hurting her just by speaking. “I know, and I’m sorry.” His voice lowered an octave at his apology, sounding like a muffled whisper. In order to let Autumn know that it was okay, he reached out and ran his thumb over her cheek. The tears continued to fall, but he felt the gesture was better than just standing there and staring at her like a stupid idiot. A sad smile formed on his features as he opened his mouth to speak again, but instantly snapped it shut as she retaliated about his excuse for Harley. It was a horrible excuse, but nothing could be done now. Devin could not take back what he did.
After she raised her voice and tossed out her assumptions about his escape, he grew slightly flustered. It was not because it was a lie; it was more because it was the truth. Devin slept with Harley to try and forget the awful things he did, and to erase the girl’s face from his mind. Unfortunately that plan went awry and now instead of feeling better he felt infinitely worse. The boy dropped his eyes to avoid the visual confrontation with Autumn. His breathing became labored as he attempted to keep hold of his emotions, but it was getting difficult. Devin lifted his eyes once again to see her face looking up at the sky; instinctively he clenched his fists and shook his head aggressively. “Yes! That’s exactly why I did it! I couldn’t get you out of my head, Autumn! No matter how hard I tried. I saw your face everywhere I went, and it became too much. I felt that you could find someone better than me, and in my stupidity I did something horribly wrong! I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” A slight burst of tears ran down his cheeks as he sobbed. His knees grew weak; if this kept up he would surely fall into the snow and lay there until he could no longer feel the cold on his skin. If that was what numbed him to the pain, then so be it.
After a moment, Devin forced himself to stop and try to recompose himself. Autumn was still talking, and having her say on the matter. It was warranted. I deserve everything I get. Nothing I do will ever change what I did. He hurt her in more ways than one, and eve a thousand years could not fix what he had so brutally tore apart. The image of leaving her at the prom flashed in his mind’s eye for a moment before vanishing, making Devin’s stomach toss and turn in discomfort. He blinked a few times, trying to register everything she was saying. He wanted her to be the judge, but when her judgments was so heavily blinded by her affection for him Devin was not quite sure if what she saw was what she truly wanted. He suddenly felt like a selfish bastard all over again for assuming that what she wanted was just dust in the wind compared to what he felt she should want. “I was an idiot for assuming. I just…I don’t see much in myself. I’m worn out. Used. Not worthy of someone like you.” Devin lowered his head again, listening to all of the things she did for him. He truly was worthless. If his heart could ache anymore, he would certainly find himself exploding from the pain. “All of it matters. Everything. And I’m a bastard for tossing it all aside to protect you from something you did not want protection from. I hurt your more than helped. It killed me…it’s still killing me…to see you like this.”
As if Autumn could not make him feel any more guilty for all of the things he had done to break her heart, the girl wrapped her arms around his neck and embraced him. She was consoling the boy, even after everything came out. She was angry, and she deserved to be, yet there she was consoling him as he cried. What did I do to deserve you… He bit his lip as he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her neck. When Autumn asked about his feelings, Devin felt his pulse quicken. Should he tell her? Would she really do well to know? He supposed there was no turning back now—after all, she was still standing here. She was hugging him. She forgave him. He remembered the discussion he had with Nell on the beach. If she forgives me and still wants me…then there’s a chance. The pain in his chest began to fade away, even if it was slow. Smiling softly he pulled her back and held her by the waist, just as they had during prom. “That I like you. I like you a lot. More than you could ever know…” Devin lifted a hand and pushed back the hood that covered her face, cupping her cheek after. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but now was not the time. It was too soon. Releasing a content sigh, the blonde rested his forehead on hers and looked straight into her eyes, his hand sliding down to grip her neck slightly as he ran his thumb over her jaw. “You, Autumn Ryan, make me incredibly happy. And I’m sorry that it took all of this pain for me to realize how perfect you are for me.” After staring at her for a moment, Devin took the initiative and kissed her. There was no hesitation, no second thoughts, no doubts.
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