* no one's got it all, [autumn]

[NELL DOE DALE]

It was too cold, even for her standards. She didn’t complain about the winter—she thought it beautiful anyway—but sometimes it really was just too much for an Earth girl to take. She felt like she was withering, and could probably tell the other Earth elementals and have them agree heartily. Her Fire elemental boyfriend was probably not even bothered, but she didn’t envy him his manipulation of heat. Too much. It was strange, realizing now that she was a graduate she could work on doing tricks like that, her own style as Josh had once said before they’d even be friend. He had given her the rundown on the Academy, pretty much, for which she was thankful—even though at the time he had creeped her out. She almost smiled at the memories. How far we’ve come, huh?

Nell stripped off her coat and dropped it on the couch, stretching out like a cat. She was careful not to let her shirt ride up too far, because she had scars to cover. She thought about them a little too much now, about the faded word under her navel. She closed her eyes even now as the memories came back. She used to be able to dam them, but there was no protection anymore. Not after the trial. All the things she’d been restraining before could full access her, could break her down and shift her moods and she didn’t feel like she was in control of herself anymore. More than that, she was tired, and the weather was not helping at all. It was draining, and she felt like she started the new year off on the wrong foot.

Of course, no one else noticed. Even now, she waved at a passing friend, asked, ”Where you going,” in exuberant tones. No one had to know. She wanted to protect the people she still had, especially now that the possibility off finding out about her had increased. If they had watched the American news, they may have caught onto a familiar name. And what would they think of her? She was already paranoid, thinking that since she lost touch with a few friends that they were avoiding her because they’d found out about her status of murderer. Every un-returned call felt like a friend lost to something that she had no control over, and it was all she could do not to cry sometimes. Why do I feel like crying so much now? It was not something she was at all used to. She didn’t cry, because she rarely ever felt sad. She used to be strong. Now it was the Prozac trying to keep her strong. She wanted to grimace. Nell ahted taking drugs, it gave her an artificial feeling, and she wanted it to be real. Still, she wasn’t going to avoid this anymore—she needed to get better.

She sat down on the couch with an assignment. She took a lot of English and History classes since they were her favorites, and she was re-reading a book and writing out the chapter-by-chapter outline. After finishing three more in record time—it was amazing what her favorite subject could do for her—she leaned back and blinked at all the flowers around her. It felt like a haven, the dormitories, away from the freezing cold of outside. Nell kicked off her sneakers to make herself more cofortable and drew her deck from her messenger bag. She loved to play cards, though when it was by herself, it turned out to be more of house-building and solitaire. Today, it was a cardhouse, and she started on her mission with great focus, tongue sticking out slightly. The books had been pushed to the side, and hopefully it would give her enough space for her structure.