* made it through december, [liliana]

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell pulled her legs up to her chest as she sat on the couch, rested her chin on her knees. Brown eyes focused, she was caught in a staring contest with the label of her Prozac bottle on her coffee table. She knew what she was looking at—her doctor’s name, her name, the ties of day when to take a pill—but she didn’t actually read the words. The girl concerned herself more with thinking about what she should do. She hadn’t eaten yet today, and it was afternoon, time for her second dose. She wasn’t hungry, and she wasn’t feeling too well, but she tried not to think of her doctor’s words. ”The drugs will make it easier to cope.” Nell almost scoffed, but didn’t want to be cruel. Did he understand hat she was coping with? She hadn’t told him anything, she mostly danced around subjects with her therapist, not digging deep enough to let him see the scarring like an x-ray to her psyche.

She was dancing around a lot of things lately. Her boyfriend, who she believed to have no clue about her clinical depression. Nell was rather proud of that situation, of how well she was keeping him ignorant to her problems. It’s what she wanted, and therefore she thought it to be for the best. He’d already had enough, being kicked out because of her, going to her trial—the poor Fire graduate needed a break. And she was more than willing to give him one. Of course, she didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know that he had found the pills, that he had noticed that she wasn’t eating as much as she used to, that she was sleeping more than usual. It didn’t occur to her that in living with him, he had a key to every one of her habits. Nell was safe in her ignorance, in believing that she was protecting the people in her life.

Like her father, but she really didn’t know how it was with him. She hadn’t spoken to him a lot since the trial, and she was sure that he noticed that she was slowly distancing herself. It wasn’t because she wanted him out of her life now that he had served the purpose she’d kept him around. Back when the wound was still open and festering, she made it quite clear that that was all that he wanted from him. But somewhere between his cooperation with Josh in finding out about what had happened to Mia and the duration of the trial, she had realized that they had formed a relationship. She didn’t know what kind of relationship, however, and that was the problem. What did she want from him now? What was he to her? She didn’t know the answer to these questions, and it was the only reason she was keeping away from him. She chose sleep over a lot of things lately, it was a pleasant escape from everything.

Breaking her stare, Nell sighed and dry-swallowed the pill. Wincing, she decided to grab a water bottle from the fridge after returning the bottle to its hiding spot beneath the sink. Closing the fridge door, she saw a coupon that she’d stuck to it, among pictures of her friends and other reminders. She peeled it off, saw that it was for Timmies. I need to get out of here anyway. She didn’t know where her boyfriend was, she didn’t need to know where he was at all hours of the day. It was a sign of trust that they didn’t get suspicious of each other, at least, especially that they were living together now. Not for too long, because he said that he just needed to adjust to conditions at home (she didn’t know that he was also looking out for her). She stuffed the coupon in her pocket as she dressed for the cold outside, the black coat she wore everyday, and left the apartment with a quick scratch behind the ears for her car. She decided to walk, because she knew the possibility that if she started her car and turned the heat on full blast, she couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t fall asleep right there and take a nap.

The cold outside did well to keep her going, and she quickly made her way to the coffee shop, stomach doing an impudent flip-flop when she smelled food. She brushed a strand of her straight hair away, and it just fell back into her eyes. ”Coffee. Black,” she ordered with a smile, paying the cash up. In this moment she reembered that her father also liked his coffee black, and almost took out her phone to call him. That’ll just make it worse, she coached herself as she found a seat beside the window. She didn’t know exactly how it would make it worse, but she had a feeling. She took sips of the coffee, not shrugging off her jacket as she decided what she should do. Her claustrophobia was in action as it always seemed to be—protesting her stay indoors and with closed doors—so she got up and made her move to the park, the chilly air biting at her. Whenever she went to the park now, she sat at a park bench. She noticed a patch of wildflowers and started picking at them and weaving them together, not needing her powers to make a crown of them. She perched them atop her head and smiled to herself as she started on another, not really thinking now that she had something to preoccupy her hands, coffee growing lukewarm as it sat on the picnic table.

[jen]

Lily sighed as she sat on her bed staring at the mass of homework at her feet. Her plan was to stay locked up here all day and finish it, but after that phone call she didn’t think that she could stay cooped up in here. She missed her dad greatly and wished nothing more than to be with him during the holidays, but he had been busy this past break, like always. She wasn’t even sure that he actually was working, he’d never really gotten along with Lily, but after her mother died it seemed like he didn’t even want her around; Lily blamed it on the almost identical appearance she had to her mother, but at times it seemed like there was more. Her dad was the only reason Lily tried so hard in school and her element; she wanted to make him proud. She didn’t even care for his love, she just wanted him to like her.

As the depressing thoughts started to sink into Lily fear crept through her, causing gooseflesh. She refused to go back to the unresponsive, distant state she was in through her first year and a half here. She jumped out of bed suddenly, sending her books and papers to litter the floor; she’d pick it up later. She had the bright idea to go out, and that required something cute so she dug through her clothes, throwing things on her bed to get them out of her way as she searched. Finally she pulled out with jeans, a cute tan, semi-dressy shirt, and a black leather jacket. She changed and slipped on a pair of black heels. She grabbed her bathroom bag and did her make-up and curled her hair in front of the long, full length mirror by the door. She threw that on her bed as she went to her nightstand. She stuffed her phone in her back pocket, grabbed her keys and headed for the door.

As she passed the full length mirror she looked at it as a last glance before heading out, but that only made her stop and stare. She wasn’t conceited or anything, but she knew she looked good, but she didn’t care, she never dressed up like this, it was usually just a t-shirt and jeans, and it was weird of her to actually be in it. Besides, it’s not like she actually had anywhere to go, and even if she did, she didn’t have anyone to go with. She didn’t really have that many friends, having not made any her first year because she hadn’t really been present that year, and after that she just didn’t really care to meet anyone, and no one approached her, unless they were looking for a fight. She unconsciously touched the hidden locket under her shirt, the one she never took off, because it had belonged to her mother; it had a picture of them together on Lily's first birthday.

Lily sighed at her reflection and rolled her eyes. The whole idea to dress up and go out was more of a “shove it dad” thought, but as she looked at herself she realized this is probably the Lily he would like to have as a daughter; the kind that wanted to look good and go out, like a girl, rather than the boring Lily he had that would rather watch sports and yell at the TV. She walked back into the room and looked around at her mess, and hating it with each growing second. She slowly put her clothes away, neatly, then piled her things back on her bed, making the room look clean again gave Lily the time to calm down and get herself together. She knew she wasn’t really going anywhere now, but she still didn’t want to stay in this stuffy room so she grabbed her camera and left, leaving her sadness behind. She liked taking pictures; capturing peoples private moments, or natures finest, it was pleasing and relaxing.

She wasn’t sure where she wanted to go so she thought about it while she let the car warm up. She smiled at the thought that popped into her head and just a few minutes later she was at the park, walking around taking pictures. She saw a girl sitting on a bench picking flowers. Seeing an opportunity Lily started taking shots and caught the change of a few flowers into a cute little crown the girl set on her head. The last picture caught the full face of the girl and Lily stared down at it as it struck her with familiarity. It took her a moment but then she finally realized who she was looking at; Lily had practically watched the girls entire trial on the television and heard her parents talk about it about a hundred times. Ever since Lily started to aspired to be a lawyer she thought about that case, and wished she had heard about it from a firsthand observer, and now here was the girl that was in the center of it all, just sitting alone on a park bench.

Lily shut off her camera and slowly made her way around the park toward the girl. She would never have approached this girl in any except here, with fear that people might think she was a traitor and friends with and earth, but as she made her way closer and closer to the bench she grew more and more curious. She stood to the side of the girl and spoke boldly, hiding her enthusiasm in her dark eyes. “Nell Shepherd?”

Notes:Yay(:
Outfit:Here!

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell was so caught up in her own world that she was unaware of the girl taking pictures of her. She really wasn’t too observant in the first place, and could often times be oblivious to the goings on around her when not speaking to someone else. She took great interest in conversation, and she liked to think herself rather good at it, and that’s usually when she paid extra attention to everything. Right then, she was focused on the flowers that had survived winter’s chill, like they were clinging to the last of her life. The smile stayed on her face. She guessed she was an Earth student through and through, feeling such fondness for plants. There was no shame in it, either, even though she was sure her family would rather have it differently. Not that it would make them care, she thought, and the thought wasn’t bitter. Simply resigned. Nell had accepted the negligence of the people who should give her unconditional love long before she even knew they existed. It was a part of her now, just like the title of murderer, just like all the ugly things that she couldn’t get rid of.

When she heard a female voice, she blinked but did not show any signs of being startled. Pausing in her weaving, she tilted her head to get a better look at the brunette, a smile gracing her lips. ”Hey there!” she said amiably, her gaze open and frank as it usually was. For a moment she wondered how this girl knew her name, but then she stopped. Months ago, she was used to people recognizing her during the war since she was the prime target. Now there was another reason, and it was a trial with media coverage of the murder of Mia Sinclair Fuentes. Her mother. She suspected that that was how the girl knew who she was, but didn’t want to speak it out loud, because that would be acknowledging it. Yes, I am the girl who killed her mother. But please remember, it was in self-defense. That didn’t change much, never really mattered. People had already formed their opinions before the trial, and besides, murder was murder. Especially when it was committed against the woman who gave one life. We never had a relationship like that, she enver considered me a daughter unless she was calling me Till. She wanted to tell everyone this, but these were secrets. She kept her mouth sealed. There was only a little integrity the trial had left her with, she only had a few things that were kept secret to her.

The Earth girl brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, knuckles brushing against the wildflowers on her head as she said, ”I don’t think I know you…?" She left it open, in case the girl could correct her and remind her if they ever met. Nell was pretty sure, however: she had a good memory for names and faces, simply because of her overwhelming interest. "But you seem to know me.” It wasn’t said in a defensive or guarded manner. As a matter of fact, she sounded very friendly, as if she wanted to give this girl everything. She held a camera, and Nell asked, ”Oh, are you a photographer?” before she could get a grasp on her curiosity. She managed to reign it in before asking anyore questions, however, even though she wanted to know more about this person. She seemed to have a confident demeanor, which is something that Nell never shied away from. After all, if she had, she’d never be dating Josh for all his pride and arrogance (even though she rarely considered these things flaws). She wasn’t very confident herself, but she could be assertive. As of late, though…well, things are always changing and all is flux.

[jen]

Lily stood only a moment longer as the girl spoke, taking a seat on the bench, facing Nell. She realized how odd it must be, a complete stranger just walking up and knowing your name, but Lily figured it couldn’t be new to the girl sitting next to her, her trial was very public, and Lily couldn’t be the first person to walk up knowing who she was. With a small, inviting smile Lily said hello. She didn’t want to be rude; despite what some people think, Lily’s is actually a really nice person, to anyone that deserves it, and even though Lily knew what Nell had done, Lily wasn’t going to be rude to her; she’d said it was an accident hadn’t she? Who was Lily to act like anything was different. That’s part of the reason why Lily was sitting here, to find out what the camera’s, the lawyers, the judge, what everyone had missed. She didn’t care about finding out what she already knew, she’d seen it, she’d heard it from her dad, she’d talked to people using family connections, but nothing like talking to the one person that could really give Lily what she wanted, what no one else would ever know.

Lily shook her head politely. “No, you don’t know me, but you’re right I know you. I watched and heard about you trail quiet often.” she opened not wanting to scare the girl off and just jump in. she didn’t really know how to ask the girl, Hey, I’m really interested in finding out the truth about you, who you are, why it happened, you know, things you never told everyone. No, she wouldn’t do that; as bold as Lily was, that was too much, and she doubted that Nell would trust her enough to even tell her those things, even after a while of conversation, but Lily could be sweet and persuasive, something she picked up off her dad probably. As she thought about him hatred flashed through her mind, though nothing showed on her face. She was too good at hiding her emotions.

She looked down at the camera in her hand, her dad had gotten it for her last year for her birthday…guess he remembered some of the things she said. “I wish.” she smiled up at the girl. Lily had always loved photography, it was a hobby, but past that she didn’t do anything with it, it was just for her.

Notes:(:
Outfit:Here!

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell wasn’t shocked when she heard Liliana speak, her eyes didn’t grow wide and she didn’t recoil as if struck. It was semi-expected. Not really new, of course. This is something you need to learn to deal with, she told herself. She wasn’t going to escape it, escape other people. She’d been acquitted thanks to justifiable homicide, but that didn’t stop others from believing what they wanted, from making judgments and having conversations at the family table about the truth. Weather, sports, and Nell Shepherd Sinclair Fuentes’ trial. ”Ah,” she said, lifting her head in understanding. ”So you watch the news then?” As always, Nell was on her guard, but it didn’t show. She was a secretive person, but unfortunately the law didn’t like that. The law wanted her to be bled out like a pig and put on display, and there was nothing she could do to stop anything. It’s not fair. But of course she had to wonder if she deserved it. She killed her own mother, her sister’s death, her father’s abandonment, her mother’s abuse—they all could be blamed on her.

Still, she was friendly, no matter how secretive or struggling she was. That would never change, and she was glad. She liked people too much in general to give up on it. The law was a different story—she had little faith in it. If the system was as good as it claimed to be, someone would have done something about Mia before Nell was backed into a corner and almost stabbed to death. She couldn’t be blamed for her mother’s murder attempt, right? I ran away, she thought miserably. I was going to be like all the rest. ”Sure you are,” the Earth girl said enthusiastically. ”If you can take pictures and have them come out, then you are. Maybe not professionally…” She tapped her free finger against her chin as if in deep thought before saying, ”Do you want to be a professional photographer?” Wondering if that was far too personal a question, she hesitated. She knows more about you than you know about her, she thought, and it was like a stab to the gut. That was one of the worse things to consider, the fact that someone like her who wanted her past to be invisible was put on display. ”You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to,” she ameneded carefully.