hello, wherever you are [adam]

[MONA FAITH LANDRY]

WE ARE THE CRAZY KIDS,

The fire flickered in front of Mona, reflecting off her glassy eyes. A few of them managed to sneak out of their dorms, and she was sure that more people would arrive soon. It couldn't be called a party. Sure, some of them had sneaked in bottles of tequila and beer, but without any music it was most of them sitting on rocks and bumming off smokes. One of the Fires had lit up a bunch of dry leaves from down below, and he was in charge of going down to retrieve more for when it ran low.

Mona exhaled as she took the blunt from her mouth, watching the smoke drift up with the burning embers of the fire. She hadn't dressed up at all, simply wore a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, her hair even worse than usual. She had long since stopped caring about a lot of things. The only reason she came was because the girl she dormed with had come out and woke her up. Plus, she heard there would be booze. Why pass that up? She knew she wouldn't sleep. Lately, she either slept to much or not at all. Add on to that the fact she was eating less, her health wasn't top notch.

In reality, she had just stopped paying attention to those kinds of things. She didn't really notice when she did or did not eat, and when she slept it felt like she didn't sleep at all. And as she sat on a boulder, her legs pulled up to her chest, she didn't know if she was actually awake. She passed the spliff over to her roommate and continued to look up at the stars. They weren't up very high on the cliffs, but they were bright. Normally, one couldn't see them in town with all the bright lights.

There was a bit of a commotion and she looked over to see what it was about. Another person arrived, and she felt her stomach lodge in her throat when she saw who it was. She wanted to leave. Not because she hated him, but because she hated herself and what sh'd been doing. The avoidance of him had been intentional, and she couldn't even really explain why. Nowadays it was the guilt that she had been avoiding him, but perhaps unconsciously she was aware that she had really fucked up in every little way. And she didn't want her best friend to see her that way. She didn't want Adam to have to deal with her at her worse, because she felt like this was her worse.

Mona lifted her hand up. She wasn't drunk enough for this. "Yo, Adam." Awkward as she was, she couldn't even bring her hand down properly, instead using it to tug at a strand of her hair, trying to untangle it. "Guessing someone brought you along..." Her voice was strangely quiet and in realizing this she made sure to try and act more normal as she patted the rock beside her. Maybe if she pretended, acted like everything was all right, he would notice. She almost snorted. Yeah right. "Been a while." More hair touching. She pushed it away from her face, looked off for a moment before allowing her eyes to meet Adam's. If anyone knew there was something up, it would be Adam.

[ADAM EVAN RIZZO]

you've been inside your

head for too long

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The night could have been spent lying on the bed, staring at the TV screen while playing video games, or perhaps listening to music while talking to friends over text (all the while shirking homework of course), but why do that when you could be lured out to a party on the cliffs? There was promise of a little alcohol and a few pretty girls; of course the kid was going to say yes over staying a hermit in his dorm room. The weather was nice at least as he walked across the Academy grounds, laughing and jabbing his friend in the ribs as they joked over one thing or another. He glanced up at the cliffs and could see faint movement. A smile crossed his face before they began the climb.

He hadn't been to a good party in a while and looked forward to a little socialization. He'd spent a good portion of time with Molly lately, who was having trouble coping with Greg's passing. It had been a hard hit on him too and needless to say some alcohol would be the perfect numbing solution. Should he resort to drinking when upset? No, but Adam didn't particularly care. It was difficult to try and hold himself together when his family was struggling to keep itself from falling apart. He simply didn't talk about life struggles much. Maybe with Mona, but they hadn't seen one another in a while. He frowned, the conversation drifting away as his thoughts focused on his best friend for a brief moment. He wondered how she was, what she was doing. They reached the party and Adam weaved through the crowd before seeing the object of his thoughts sitting a distance away from the others, not really looking herself.

Great.

Heaving a quiet sigh, he approached her and stood nearby with a blank expression, trying to decide which facial response made the most sense. Anger? Irritation? Relief that she was actually alive? Curiosity? Hell if he knew. "Yo." He replied shortly. It took every ounce of mental will to bring himself to sit down at her request. "Yeah, you guessed right." This conversation seemed to be going nowhere, but it was either that or him walk away entirely. Could I really do that? Probably not. She was his best friend. He watched her intently but still without expressing much of anything.

Then he scowled. "Been a while? You fucking think? I've tried calling you, texting, catching you in the hall...and I get ignored. What, am I not good enough for you now or something?" That thought actually made his stomach lurch forward. If it had been strong enough it could have pulled him right over the cliff. He was always confident in himself but to have Mona think of him as unworthy of her friendship would be painful. He spent a moment brooding before glancing over at her, meeting her gaze evenly. Those few seconds of eye contact caused him to stop feeling sorry for himself; Adam could be self-absorbed at times but even a blind man could see something might be bothering her. "What?" The edge to his voice hid the concern for now. Maybe nothing was wrong and he was being paranoid. Maybe it was the alcohol.

[MONA FAITH LANDRY]

WE ARE THE CRAZY KIDS,

Not for the first time, Mona wished she could read Adam. What was he thinking? Feeling? Her default for him always seemed to be "grumpy," and the thought was affectionate. She wished it wasn't. In fact, she wished the stick was back between her fingers, that she could just get away from this situation. But she knew she deserved it, so much so that his arrival must have been divine intervention. She watched him as he returned the greeting, trying not to appear as awkward as she felt. The girl thought she was succeeding, her eyes bright and betraying her altered state of mind. She was straddling sobriety and a nice buzz.

Then came the anger. So he knows. Ina horrible way, that comforted her. Her best friend noticed her disappearance, and yet it surprised her. The Thunder girl didn't want to think that way. It was offensive to Adam. Like he wouldn't know, like somehow she could slip under the radar. If that were the case, he'd probably contact authorities. So she couldn't lie. She couldn't say she lost her phone or that she was too busy to hang out because she would never be too busy to hang out with him. Never had been in her entire life.

Her smile was wry as she looked away, down at the ground. "Okay, I deserved that," she acknowledged, her expression becoming something more somber. The girl rubbed her fingers together, trying to think of something that would make a good excuse. She couldn't. It's not like Adam hadn't noticed and she could just brush this all off with a smile and a shrug. At his question, she looked even more uncomfortable. What was left now? Only the truth. But how could she tell him all these insecurities, self-loathing, about the person she's become? Mona was certain that if he met her now for the first time, he wouldn't like her. "I don't think you'd like me anymore." Like a coward, she backed out by saying, "My scene...I mean." It was clear that the scene wasn't the problem. It wasn't like Adam didn't go to his fair share of shindigs, as shown tonight.

She rubbed the back of her neck with her hand, looking at the fire and wondering if she could make it any better. With the knowledge that she couldn't, and the despicable thought that the self-loathing part of her didn't want to, she turned to look at him again. "I'm sorry. I'm a dick." And there was no anger or violence or her usual reactions. No spirit. There was nothing in her eyes and she wished she could be Adam. She wished she had that fire, but she was just kind of empty. That being said, her apology was sincere. It may not have seemed that way, but she felt terrible for what she was doing to the one person she knew would stick around no matter what.

[ADAM EVAN RIZZO]

you've been inside your

head for too long

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Damn straight," He muttered angrily when she replied, trying to sort through how he felt. To some degree he felt abandoned, left without his best friend when they normally spent a lot of time around one another. It was a rather selfish feeling too. What about him? What about needing or wanting her company? Then there was a small spark of guilt in his chest that wondered if it was something he did but that didn't last long. He didn't like to feel that way even if it were warranted.

He frowned thoughtfully and tried to figure out exactly what she meant without actually asking. She clarified her sentence before he could say anything. He barked a laugh. "Okay yeah, that makes sense," He replied with an eye roll, scoffing. "What do you think I'm doing here? I think our scenes are pretty well matched." There were probably a few things that differed between them but that didn't matter. Adam let out a sigh afterwards. Her previous comment was bothering him now. "Besides, I'll always like you even if you piss me off." The statement was upfront and convicted, lacking any level of mushiness that could have been portrayed by anyone else. He wanted to refrain from that if possible.

Mona knew him better than just about everyone and would probably know that he meant it. At least, he hoped. There was no need for a huge feel fest. "Hey, hey. Don't start with all of that 'sorry' bullshit." For some reason this still came across as angry. Well, he was, but it was fueled by concern and for some reason the kid was not adept at conveying one without the other. He tried. Was trying. Angry. Concerned. Angry. Concerned. It bounced back and forth like a ping pong ball and frankly that was what infuriated him most. He wanted to be pissed that she decided to ignore him but he also knew that that wasn't normal.

Silence lingered for a second as he tumbled over these thoughts and emotions. The party in the background was a thrum in his ears, people's laughter muffled and their voices even more so. He reached over and toyed with her hair and frowned. She was a mess. "What's really going on? And don't you fucking lie to me or I swear..." The sentence drifted away, Adam unable to come up with some valid threat that would make sense. Out of anyone, Mona was one of the few he would never physically harm. A good wrestle or a punch on the arm maybe but nothing more. Still unable to create a threat, he said, "Just...don't lie to me."

[MONA FAITH LANDRY]

WE ARE THE CRAZY KIDS,

With a sharp glance, and a rather miserable look on her fact, it said all that she felt. She didn't want that tone from him. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Whenever they fought, it was one of those stupid little spats that they got over and quickly. But this hadn't been a fight, had it?

She laughed derisively as he said their scenes seemed pretty similar. Mona wanted to cut it off, to not to that, but she couldn't help it. God, she'd gotten so bitter. "And this is what, the first time in months?" she muttered about the party, scratching her arm as she looked at the fire. A little smile still sat on her lips, but it wasn't the good kind. Her eyes widened as she turned to stare at him. The stirring in her stomach was more pleasant than anything she'd experienced in so long. But she couldn't expect any less. "What if I was completely different, then?" she challenged, even though she should have simply accepted it as the kindest words anyone ever gave her. "What if I'm not the same person?" And she was, wasn't she? She felt it, because that's what she had been aiming for in all this.

Mona huffed when he spoke the words, like an angry cat. "Then I take it back," she said, and then wanted to apologize for that, too. Never had she felt this way, but as it turned out she was feeling particularly remorseful seeing him right now. "But I'm serious. I shouldn't have done it," she spoke then, like she could amend it. The guilt felt tangible, like it was a person wrapping its arms around her neck as it sat on her back. It seemed that Adam had already forgiven her...maybe. Why did he not want her to apologize? No, she definitely wasn't ready for this, she was coming down quickly and hard.

The girl didn't pull away when she felt him play with her hair, simply tried to stop the horrible feelings from taking over and making her say or do something she'd regret. She felt the spark. Bridling anger when he told her not to lie. But it lasted only a moment before she realized she just did not have the energy for that and shook her head. "I don't lie, Adam," she said. She didn't know where to go from there. Mona may have avoided and ignored, but she didn't lie? How good of an excuse was that? Swallowing, she hunched over a little "Look, I'm fucked up, okay? That's all there is to it." She thought she was messed up. All she did was drink and smoke and skip class and start trouble and she felt sick of herself even as she continued this behavior. She'd become a contradiction. "It's not like...I wanted to hurt you or anything." Was he hurt? She had no clue, and some selfish part of her wanted to believe yes. Like she mattered. And every other part of her just wanted to go away again, and hide and run.