* CRIPPLED W I N G S [TSE]

[RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON]

* CRIPPLED W I N G S ! [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

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tag ! starkeh && TSE ;; word count ! 8 0 2 ;; setting ! yeager family kitchen ;; outfit ! boxers and t-shirt, both yeager’s ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

Raine stared into the darkness, seeing nothing. There was a warmth at her back, skin brushing hers under the blankets. Her skin was sticky in places. Her hair was crazy—well, crazier than it usually was. Her lips were a little bruised, but not painfully so. She could still taste his mouth as she ran her tongue lightly over hers. It wasn’t a bad thing. She rolled over to face him, wishing she could actually see his face in the darkness. As the cloud hiding the moon passed, it illuminated the room, and there was just enough light to see his face, slack with sleep. She ran her forefinger lightly down his nose, hoping the movement wouldn’t wake him. Her teeth pressed into her lower lip, taking a small bite out of it without blood. She swallowed. And then she rolled over again and out of the bed, and stood up. She turned around to tuck the blanket closer to him so the chill—which currently lifted goose-pimples all along her skin—wouldn’t bother him. She stood there and watched him for a long moment, hugging herself to retain some warmth. He was pretty. He’d glare at her if she said so, but it was true. The girl turned around again and started using the moonlight as a flashlight, looking around for clothes to slip on while hoping that she wouldn’t trip over any. She did—trip, that is, and several times, her toes getting caught on her costume more than once. She wasn’t going to pull that on again. It was a pain in the butt to get off, as she’d discovered a few hours earlier, because the zipper kept getting stuck. At the time, that had earned a few giggles and laughs, but she didn’t want to deal with it now. Instead, she found herself leafing through his drawers instead. She found a pair of boxers that she slipped into, wondering if they were really more comfortable than her feminine panties were. They weren’t bad, she acknowledged thoughtfully, momentarily distracted as she twisted one way and the other. She might purchase some for herself. Or steal a pair or two to surprise Yeager with. Guys liked it when girls wore their clothes, right? She shook herself. Issy had never said anything of sort. She’d never asked Issy. No, don’t think about him. She dug back into the drawers, found a t-shirt, and pulled that over her head. She glanced back at Yeager, biting her lip, and pushed the drawers closed, hoping she wasn’t waking him. He at least looked asleep. Her teeth pressed into her lip again. She turned away quickly and left the room. The floor was cold and sent chills through her at first, but she got used to it after a moment or two, and then let the moonlight lead her through the hall to the kitchen. She stood in the doorway, rubbing the top of her right foot against the back of her left calf, her left palm supporting her weight against the door’s frame. Silvery light colored the entire room in shades of grays, ranging from nearly white on the counter to nearly black in the shadows where the light didn’t quite reach. It was peaceful. It was beautiful. It was completely at odds with the way she felt inside, now that the buzz was giving way to a mild headache and a major broken heart. She didn’t know why it hurt so much. It really shouldn’t have. Normally, she managed to avoid thinking about such things. She had avoided it for a month now. Ever since he’d told her, she had avoided it. But she couldn’t avoid it any longer. She pushed away from the door frame and sank into one of the chairs at the table. She tugged her heels onto the edge of the chair and wrapped both of her arms around her calves, hands cupping her knees. She rested her forehead against her knees and stared at her legs, breathing through her mouth and none too lightly. She felt as if someone was constricting her chest. Sitting like this never made it hard to breathe. Her fingernails dug into her skin, not quite drawing blood but trying to, almost. She wasn’t trying to hurt herself. That was a false assumption. She was trying to figure out what was wrong with her, why she felt so close to crying. Normally, she was tougher than this. Break ups didn’t hurt this badly. They weren’t supposed to hurt this badly. She even supported the relationship between Knox and Issy—but she couldn’t get over the feeling of utter uselessness. It was ridiculous. Teenage girl feels invisible. That was perfectly normal. Why did it bother her so much that he didn’t want her?

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notes ! She tired to be cheerful at the beginning. And her brain beat her down ;;

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[ELLIOT NATHAN YEAGER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; height:300px;] COLLECTING NAMES OF THE LOVERS THAT WENT WRONG After Raine woke up, he might have stayed awake for an indeterminate amount of time, only stirring slightly when he noticed the lack of warmth that had once been in his bed. But a few minutes after, his phone beeped from somewhere on the floor, the distinctive tone for his text messages. He blinked, taking a moment to realize something was missing. That something turned out to be Raine, as memory drifted back to him. When the phone made its sound again to remind him that he had a text message, he slipped out of the bed and searched blindly through the clothes on the floor to find his phone, shutting his eyes when he checked it. Gloria. She was staying over her friend's house. He hoped it was a friend. In his midnight stupor, he couldn't find the energy to care. What he did care about was the fact that Raine had gone mysteriously missing. He didn't think much of it, figuring she'd gone to the bathroom or grabbed a snack. Yeager wanted to make sure, though, and so he picked up his boxers from last night off the floor and pulled them on, ruffling the back of his hair. He would need a shower, but that could wait until morning after he rested up. Maybe Raine would join him. After peeking into the bathroom he realized that she wasn't in there, and didn't bother looking around anywhere else upstairs. The Water elemental wasn't worried about his fathers coming home -- they'd probably stumble in later that day, hungover and full of the stories about the party. If Raine was still there, they'd greet her and think nothing of the fact. They trusted Yeager to be responsible, ever since they'd sat him down for the talk and given that he hadn't come home with any STD's or children, they figured that they had nothing to worry about in that area. They'd always been very open in that area, knowing the more they told him to stop doing this or stop doing that, it would only encourage Yeager to act out and rebel. It worked well for them. He wasn't as loose as some people might have thought he was, and the only real problem when it came to his grades was the fact that he was perpetually lazy. Add to that the fact that Raine was a respectable young lady, and they would probably ask what she saw in Yeager instead of give him the third degree. Just like Gloria. All in good-natured, familial teasing. He found her in the kitchen, legs pulled up to her chin. Nothing in front of her, he wondered if she'd in fact come down for a midnight snack. Quiet as can be, he opened the fridge, thinking it was a little strange. But maybe she'd just gotten too warm or something. He pulled out a carton of milk, and decided to be responsible in pouring a glass instead of drinking it straight from there. Nothing else proved to be of interest in the fridge, leftovers from the night they ordered out and some Slim Fast stuff that Luke was encouraging Robert to try (he'd apparently been gaining weight, only Luke would notice something like that). Slowly, Yeager began to wake up, his senses clicking on one by one, late to the party thanks to exhaustion he could blame on Raine. He ruffled said girl's hair as he walked by, leaning down to kiss the side of her head. Sitting in the chair diagonal from her, he placed the cup on the table. He noticed that she was indeed wearing her clothes, and smirked with a certain male satisfaction. After taking a sip of the milk and setting it back down, he scooted the chair a little closer, and rested his elbows on his knees as he asked, "What're you doing down here?" His voice was quiet, even though no one else was home and it wouldn't disturb anyone. Somehow, he felt it would be ruining the effect should he speak like it were daytime. As it was in the middle of the night, he himself could only think of sleep at this point. He'd done his share of partying hard that night. And though it might have been silly, the way she was sitting is what worried him the most. A posture he associated with the words defensive and scare. It was the fetal position.

[RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON]

* CRIPPLED W I N G S ! [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

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tag ! starkeh && TSE ;; word count ! 9 0 5 ;; setting ! yeager family kitchen ;; outfit ! boxers and t-shirt, both yeager’s ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

Raine jumped in her chair when she heard the refrigerator open, her whole body tensing as she did, her heart ricocheting into her throat, to her mouth, and to splat onto the window as it tried to escape. She swallowed thickly as she turned her head to see who it was, somehow relieved that it was Yeager and not some ghost, but also sort of wishing he hadn’t come looking for her. And yet, she really appreciated it. She watched him grab himself a glass and filled it with the white liquid, illuminated mostly by the light of the moon, shining through the window so insistently, and the yellow glow of the refrigerator. The milk seemed to take on its own, eerie glow, as if it were radioactive or something like that. She wanted milk, but not radioactive milk. Regardless, she could always steal a sip from him. His hand in her hair jarred her from her thoughts again, though his lips against her scalp made her relax a little. She found herself leaning against him a little as he did so, glad for even the small comfort, feeling like she honestly needed it so she wouldn’t fall apart completely. Like his hand on her curls was the only thing holding a puzzle up above a lava pit, and moving it would let the pieces not only fall apart, but into the lava beneath, where they were incinerated. Her stomach churned just as she pictured it, though less so realistically and more so in the pixel-y texture of a video game. Maybe she was subconsciously trying to make herself laugh. In all honesty, it was really only depressing her. And then the hand was gone, and the world didn’t end like it was supposed to in about two months. She licked her lips with a dry tongue, failing to wet them because of it and wishing she had something to drink. She grabbed his glass and took a quick sip, then placed it carefully in front of him again. She rolled the milk around in her mouth, permeating her tongue with the flavor and texture, then swallowed it. She was also wasting her time so she wouldn’t have to answer him. His voice seemed to betray just how she felt, as if his vocal chords had some sort of psychic link to her own thoughts and emotions. It was appreciated. She didn’t think he would have been well-received if he had said anything at a normal or above-normal volume. He probably would simply have shocked her and made her jump again as if some had stuck a hand in her pants without warning. Well, technically, they were his pants, and not really pants, but whatever. Details. But he would want an answer, regardless of whose not-pants she was wearing or not wearing. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, as if the movement would loosen the locks and alleviate the headache that was beginning to form, either as a result of the booze she’d had the night before or just because her mind felt like being cruel to her today. She was all too willing to believe the second, seeing as she hadn’t had that much to drink the night before. Two… three cups at the very most had touched her lips. That shouldn’t cause a hangover of any sort. Or maybe she had developed a lightning allergy to milk and her body was reacting to the sip she’d had. Ridiculous. Ridiculousness was abound. “Thinking,” she replied finally, crossed her arms and placing them on top of her knees, her chin atop the cross of her wrists. “Trying not to think,” she amended and sighed, pressing her forehead to her wrists instead and staring at her bare legs, not entirely sure what she should be doing, knowing she should look at him but feeling incapable of such an action. She breathed out, feeling as if some sort of weight had been lifted and replaced by a heavier, pressing down on her shoulders and trying to shove her through the chair into the ground. She rubbed at her face. This was completely unfair to him. He was so good to her, and she was having a breakdown in his kitchen at 3 am. What a wonderful way to repay his friendship. Like the sex wasn’t good enough and she wanted to dock him some points lower. Another sigh, and she pulled her head up, folding her legs to the side, and leaned against his shoulder. She would have lied in his lap if she’d thought she could handle the balance associated with the movement. Like this, she was halfway terrified he’d move and she’d crash face-first into the linoleum floor. “I don’t know why this one is bothering me so much,” she whispered, closing her eyes again. I refuse to cry. I will not cry. I don’t need to cry. God, why was she even tempted? There was no reason for her nose to be burning as if she would be. She rubbed at it with her fore- and middle finger, wishing it would go away. She didn’t want to cry, especially in front of him because he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t need to deal with her break-up issues. She wasn’t even supposed to be having issues. It was an amicable break-up. Hence the not-knowing.

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notes ! I realized as I was coding this that they techncially haven’t graduated yet, but I really like this shade of blue >> ;;

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[ELLIOT NATHAN YEAGER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; height:300px;] COLLECTING NAMES OF THE LOVERS THAT WENT WRONG Yeager waited patiently for her to speak. For all he knew, though, she wouldn't speak. That would be all right. Not only did he refrain from prying into people's business (most of the time), the two of them didn't exactly have a deep and meaningful relationship. They were good friends, yeah, good enough to spend nights like these without getting weird about it. But he couldn't remember ever having late night conversations about his problems. Usually he said them during the day, in a rant, for everyone to hear. He wasn't exactly a private person. Thinking was a very broad word. Yeager just nodded his head, understanding. He wasn't a thinker though, but he supposed Raine was like that. Someone fond of introspection. Though she had always been very outgoing, lots of energy and never being able to sit down, let alone to think. But then she corrected herself, and her all around behavior was concerning him, the way she hunched over and pressed her forehead against her wrists. It looked like she was caving in on herself, collapsing like a cave that had been around for too long. With her next words, he was convinced he had to say something, do something. She was obviously mid-crisis, and so he said gently, "All right, come here, come here," as he reached out to her. He grabbed her hips, easily shifted her so that he could pull her over onto his lap. He circled his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. Raine felt very tiny to him, especially in this moment. She was a strong person, that much she made obvious in every aspect of her life. Seeing her like this? it was distressing, even for someone like him. He didn't show it, of course. That felt like the worst thing to do. He smiled a little. "Now tell me, what's up?" he asked, his voice still quiet. It felt so strange, like the stillness was framing them and if he spoke above a whisper, the glass would break. Besides, she was this close, there was no need to speak above the volume he did now. "Don't tell me I lost my edge, because my ego is wounded." A little inappropriate humor, which should go appreciated by the girl. He didn't know, not when she was in this kind of mood. She seemed like a different kind of person. He had the break-up in his mind, sure, but she had seemed so lax earlier that he didn't think it was affecting her so profoundly. He didn't have a key to her inner world, he didn't know.

[RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON]

* CRIPPLED W I N G S ! [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

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tag ! starkeh && TSE ;; word count ! 4 7 5 ;; setting ! yeager family kitchen ;; outfit ! boxers and t-shirt, both yeager’s ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

It was weird, how much bigger he was than she. She could have fought him as he pulled her over, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t have fought him anyway. She couldn’t imagine doing that. She was perfectly fine with him holding her. He was warm, where the floor had been cold. And his skin was soft, which she could feel as his chin touched on her shoulder and her arm brushed along his chest. She kissed the side of his nose and smiled at him, her legs dangling down on the side of his thigh. Their faces were so close together. “Hi,” she breathed, staring at his eyes and wishing the lighting were better so she could better see their color. She liked his eyes, his hair, even if she imagined that curls were probably really irritating to care for. Her own hair drove her absolutely insane. She lifted one hand to curl around his neck, forefinger playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He made her feel entirely comfortable even when she felt like she was breaking into pieces. Well, guess he’s my duct tape. She sighed when he asked, but rested her cheek against his and murmured, “I’m falling apart for no good reason and I’m not even at home where I can hide it.” She felt honestly guilt for doing it here, right after such a fantastic night, right in front of him. She wasn’t crying. She was just breaking like a punched mirror, and there were no bloody knuckles on which she could place the blame. Only bloody palms trying to put her back together. Oh god, extended metaphor. She had to be in a terrible place right now. This just wasn’t right. And for that reason, she was eternally grateful that he was playing with her. It helped. She smacked the center of his chest lightly, taking his joke and throwing it right back at him, though a bit more physically. “No, you’re great like always, Elliot. Don’t you dare jinx it,” she joked with him and used his first name on purpose to add to it, even if it didn’t feel as natural as it usually did. Why was this messing with her so much? It wasn’t supposed to make normal things feel weird, even if it was redefining normal. Whatever she’d had with Issy wasn’t supposed to change what she had with Yeager. It was only sex that change. They were still friends, and good friends. She snuggled against him, closing her eyes. He was her friend. “I feel like I could tell you everything,” she admitted quietly and hoped desperately it wouldn’t scare him away if she did. It seemed like he honestly cared about her, and while she knew others did as well, it was just really nice to honestly believe it sometimes..

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notes ! shortness that feels like it wouldn’t work if it were longer >> I don’t think I’ve ever had that before ;;

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[ELLIOT NATHAN YEAGER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; height:300px;] COLLECTING NAMES OF THE LOVERS THAT WENT WRONG Yeager was glad to see that she didn't pull away, slip back into the other chair. He wouldn't have known what to do then. The boy usually did good with strange behavior, any form of sadness, but not when he had no idea. And sometimes, Raine seemed just like a fortress. Impenetrable. That may have been why this kind of behavior scared him so much. But not so much that he wanted to leave. All he wanted to do was help, especially when she reached back and he felt her hand at his neck. It was warm and comforting and he would be content to sit like this all night with her. Not even talking, just feeling her breathe, the rise and fall under his fingers as he gripped her stomach. It distressed him when she spoke. Hearing her say something like that effected him enough that he was worried that when he next spoke, his fear would shine through. He didn't know how worried he should be about her until that moment. But determined, he would not let it show. He'd be strong for her. "It's just you and me," he told her. "Are you sure it's for no good reason, though?" He felt like there was a reason. He felt like there was a good reason, too. But maybe he could be wrong, he admitted to himself. It may have just been some kind of panic attack. Those were usually brought on by nothing in particular. Stress? he wondered. Whatever it may be, he was determined to be there for her. Luckily, Raine joked back with him, with a physical reaction to boot. He lifted his hand up to show her that he had his fingers crossed, a short chuckle coming from his lips before replacing his hand on her stomach. He ran his thumb against her -- well, his -- shirt as she snuggled in closer, his movements calm and comforting. Just like the words that came from her lips. Instead of being scared by the admission, he smiled. He liked to hear that. And he knew why, too. Even though for the sake of their friendship he kept it to himself, he liked her. How could he not when they were friends that knew each other this intimately? Though he was quiet for a little while, the only sound in the room coming from a passing car, his reaction was anything but negative. "Good," he said, pressing his lips against the side of her head before saying, "Because I want to hear it." He was being honest, not just for the sake of making her feel comfortable, either. He wanted to know about her, wanted to know what made her sad and what made her happy. He wanted to make sure that he could cheer her up when she felt like this, even if it may have been outside of his power.

[RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON]

* CRIPPLED W I N G S ! [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

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tag ! starkeh && TSE ;; word count ! 5 1 0 ;; setting ! yeager family kitchen ;; outfit ! boxers and t-shirt, both yeager’s ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

“It’s stupid, you know?” she mumbled, watching his hand on her stomach as her breathing lifted and dropped the fingers and palm. She closed her eyes, but kept the image in her head, thinking about everything this was, everything could be, everything it would ever be, and she felt guilty again. Should she really be complaining to him about her ex-boyfriend? Probably not, but she probably really needed to talk to someone, and he… he was willing to listen. He wanted to hear her complain. Was that irony? Probably not. It was just unexpected. It was… strange, to think about. She didn’t think she would ever meet someone who would actually ask her to complain to them. She leaned against him and kissed his cheek. He was comfort. She sighed, still twirling a bit of his hair around her finger at the back of his neck. “It just really bugs me, and I don’t know why.” Honesty. Keep up the honesty. Honesty Is the best policy, right? God, she hoped he wouldn’t hate her for this. Weren’t you supposed to save the ex-talk for the fourth date? Well, they weren’t even dating, though she still wondered why that was the case. It was almost like they were, but neither of them had really put the label on it. Was there something they were afraid of? Maybe they just didn’t want to ruin the friendship they had going. Friendships were worth so much, after all. Friends were supposed to stick with you through everything—significant others, pets, moves, job losses, promotions, familial deaths, and so on. But maybe she was assuming that he was interested. Maybe she was wrong about that. Maybe he didn’t want anymore, and she wasn’t saying anything because she was scared of wanting more than he did. That was entirely possible. Guys were more likely to not want to be tied down than girls, right? Girls were stereotypically the ones who wanted to get married and have children and get a nice house with a picket fence and a gold retriever to play catch with. Guys, by stereotype, wanted money and woman who were as skinny as models with unnaturally enlarged breasts that were ten or twenty or forty years younger than they were. Well, those were just the nasty stereotypes that she didn’t think even really applied to him. She felt guilty for even thinking of them. The blonde took another deep breath. “It’s… the break-up with Issy. Normally, it doesn’t bother me this much. But I guess… I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I played matchmaker for him because he broke up with me because he kissed my best friend.” There it was. There was the honesty—vague, but honesty nonetheless. There was a cause-and-effect relationship that sounded wrong and right simultaneously, that she didn’t quite know how to explain regardless of how she felt about anyone involved. She loved Knox. She was incredibly fond of Issy. And she really liked Yeager. But where did she fit in for herself?

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notes ! time for a heart-to-heart xD sort of, I guess. I don’t know >> ;;

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[ELLIOT NATHAN YEAGER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; height:300px;] COLLECTING NAMES OF THE LOVERS THAT WENT WRONG If someone just met Yeager in school, or any other environment, one attribute pinned to him would not be patience and understanding. It would simply seem as if he was just like any other teenage boy who wouldn't be able to sit down and stay calm for two seconds. But here as he held Raine against him, it felt as if he could stay there forever. Or at least until she felt better. It really shouldn't have been that way. He shouldn't have cared this much, because they were just friends and the line had been drawn there, even if physically their relationship spoke of something else. So when she kissed his cheek, he didn't question it as much as he wanted to. He just enjoyed the feel of her lips against his skin, a little moment in the private cloak of the night. Maybe things would shift come morning, when daylight erased any feelings that may have arisen at this time. Maybe he could hope. He listened quietly as the girl spoke about how she shouldn't care about it. Yeager didn't know exactly what he could say to that, so in the dark about what had been bothering her. He wondered if he was just being dense and it was something obvious. What if he'd done something that bothered her? It wouldn't be surprising, but he did hope that wasn't the case. However, he didn't want to ask her right out about it, didn't want her to feel pressured into it by him say, "Well, what is it?" Besides, he was content just to sit as she twirled his hair around, enjoying the feeling of it. The boy supposed her shouldn't have been enjoying anything in this moment, not when his friend seemed so down about...something. What Raine said surprised him. At the party, she had been so calm and collected. Like she had already moved past it. And apparently, she usually would have. But he could see how it may have been hard. "So...your ex kissed your best friend and broke up with you?" Ouch. That had to hurt. He hadn't ever been cheated on, and for that he was thankful for. He'd dealt with a lot of crap, as everyone did in relationships, but infidelity had never been brought up. Unfortunately, Raine hadn't been so lucky. He squeezed her gently with the arms around her waist, a reassuring gesture that he hoped would show that he was here for her and wouldn't judge her for whatever she may tell him. Yeager wanted to hear it, wanted to help her out with what she was dealing with. And so, he tried to diagnose the situation with the little bit of information she had provided for him. "Are you upset that you don't have a relationship and your ex does?" Because she made it that way. Maybe she regretted getting them together because that meant she was alone. That twisted his gut once more. He didn't know that's what had happened, that her boyfriend had kissed her best friend. That seemed like a betrayal on both sides. Of course, he didn't know the situation all that well, and he supposed he wouldn't know unless he was actually directly involved. "I mean I would be pretty bummed out. It sucks to be alone." He enjoyed relationships, as a matter of fact, but it's not something he would have told Raine. With how they interacted, it would be like telling her that he wanted to be in a relationship with her. That wasn't true...not exactly. Shit. His feelings were just a tangle inside of him, and he didn't know how to sort that out.

[RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON]

* CRIPPLED W I N G S ! [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

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tag ! starkeh && TSE ;; word count ! 7 1 5 ;; setting ! yeager family kitchen ;; outfit ! boxers and t-shirt, both yeager’s ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b]

She liked him. She liked him so much—was it too much? Maybe. She wasn’t sure and she imagined she couldn’t be. She just didn’t want him to be a rebound and that was probably the 8th or hundredth time she’d thought so, almost in that night alone. The trouble was just that… well, she did like him. Why had she never really thought about it as sincerely before? She liked him. She really did. That was why, if they were to start anything, she wanted it to be more than a rebound, more than that because they were such close friends and they were so compatible. God, she needed to stop daydreaming. At least it was more cheerful than everything else floating around in her spirit. The blonde stared at his profile, studying the curvature of his nose, the moon of his chin, the curls of his hair upon his temple. He looked like marble, with the moonlight draining all the color form his features. She breathed out. As she breathed in, it felt like she was also breathing in all the bitterness, the cynicism, the heartache and depression the world had to offer, like broken shards of glass that tore at her insides and didn’t leave enough for her to function. She felt tears roll down her cheeks and wiped them furiously away. Her voice went up a pitch when she answered his summery, her tone at the same time breathy and shaky, “That’s pretty much the gist of it.” She pressed her face into his shoulder, shutting her eyes so tightly she thought for a moment she would squeeze the juice from them—the juice that came out in the form of her tears. Her hands shoved at her cheeks again, palms running over the wetness there, trying to banish the sad thoughts as quickly as she had breathed them in. This didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense and she doubted it ever would. The way he’d summed it up made it sound quite as stupid as it was. She should have broken up with him, shouldn’t she? No, because he was the one who had said it was more than that. “He said it wasn’t fair to me,” she added finally, a deep breath caught somehow in her chest. She couldn’t remember if she was breathing in or breathing out that bit of air stuck inside her lungs, but it was refusing to move. “That he liked him so much, that… he said I deserved more than a boyfriend who didn’t love me as anything more than a friend.” She wasn’t the person to decide whether he was right or wrong, only that she agreed she didn’t want to be in that sort of relationship, fooled. At least he had been honest with her. At least he had told her what he had done. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it? Didn’t all people prefer the truth to being fooled? No, she supposed not. Sometimes, it hurt less to be fooled, even if you knew it was so. It hurt less to pretend there wasn’t a reason to be sick to your stomach with loneliness, to have pains in your chest because it felt like someone was doing his best to betray you. “It hits the ego a bit, doesn’t it?” she mumbled, her voice cold, emotionless, more freshly dead than the icy cadaver cold. She inhaled, finishing what she supposed was the deep breath from before. “No. I don’t care that he found love and I haven’t. I mean, it’d be nice, yeah. It’d be nice not to be alone.” She was only alone romantically. She wasn’t lacking in friends, especially good friends. She had Sandra and Knox and Issy and Yeager. Yeager. It felt like everything kept circling back to him. She tugged her face off his shoulder and cupped both his cheeks with both of her hands, palms flat on any stubble she might find there, not caring as to whether it was rough or not. Her question came in a soft, even tone, as if she had completely forgotten her aches, and parted her lips as, “Why did we never date?” She was wholly and entirely serious in it, because she didn’t understand why they hadn’t.

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notes ! a post for stark at a quarter till one in the morning. Enjoy -salutes- ;;

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[ELLIOT NATHAN YEAGER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; height:300px;] COLLECTING NAMES OF THE LOVERS THAT WENT WRONG Though he had no problem with the idea of comforting her, with trying his best to get her out of this mood, he didn't know exactly how. Yeager thought about how that always seemed to be the problem. Someone you cared for deeply spilled everything to him, and all he could do was say 'I'm sorry' because how could he fix them? How could he fix Raine? No. The thought stubborn in his mind, it trailed into, There's nothing wrong with her. He may not have wanted to think that, but as he held her in his arms, he realized that there was something wrong with her. Or her situation, perhaps. He saw her hands moving over her face with the faint realization that she was crying. It twisted in his gut, the idea of that, and he felt even more helpless than he had before. All he wanted was to see her happy again, but not the kind of fake happy that people used to pretend they were over something. Again, that brought up the issue of him simply not knowing what to do, how to help her, except hold her against his chest and be a physical comfort. Was that enough? Could he be enough? Yeager blinked as she spoke again, looked down at her blond head of hair with curiosity as he waited for her to go on. She explained what her ex had told her, and he had to agree. Raine did deserve a good boyfriend, and so far this guy didn't sound very good at all to him. Even though he didn't really know the kid, he was quick to make up his mind. "You do deserve more." And again, he felt this weird feeling in his chest. He didn't want to pin it down, identify it, because the answer danced on the edge of his mind. Teased him with the fact that he knew what it was and simply couldn't admit it to himself. It was much better no to, he knew that. In situations like this, he felt it would always be best to hide it. He stroked her hair as she continued speaking, lending a mostly silent ear to her words. Because he knew exactly what she meant. Perhaps it was why Yeager liked being in relationships in general. The boy never seemed like the one for commitment, he hit up parties and joked around and seemed more like the type to hit it and quit it. Or engage in relationships like the one he had with Raine. Which is... He tried to put a name on it, but 'friends with benefits' sounded too immature, something that kids arranged with giggles before it ended up in flames because feelings got in the way. The question, however, begged for another type of relationship. He smiled, quickly biting down on his lip so he didn't laugh. He couldn't pin down exactly why he had that reaction, maybe it was the euphoria in having the opportunity to say this: "I don't know, timing maybe." Though there were times when both of them were single and just never thought of it, simply went to each other for the physical. "I wouldn't be opposed to it. Would you be opposed to it." Yeager kept his voice nonchalant, but shifted his position so he could look her in the eye and see her response to his question. They were both single, lonely people. They both liked each other (or at least he hoped she did, he could be quite the jerk). The boy did take a moment to wonder if this was taking advantage of her moment of weakness, but then reminded himself that if she agreed and come morning decided she didn't want it, she could tell him so. That, of course, was riding on the fact that she wouldn't be opposed. He shouldn't have been riding so hard on her answer, he understood that, and yet he couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach that spoke of those feelings that ruined things like this. He had always liked her; this simply gave him the opportunity to learn to like in her a different way.