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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 29, 2011 16:33:22 GMT -5
Didn't blame her father? "Still, to walk out like that..." He frowned. Joshua did not know the details but no matter the conditions he hated the idea of someone betraying Nell like that. It was her father, for Christ's sakes. Thinking about Donovan and how shattered he probably would have been if the man just upped and left their family was a nightmare. However, thoughts of the man also reminded him of something--it was not only Nell who forgave her parental figures so easily. How many times had Donovan struck Joshua and make him feel guilty about it? How many times had he spat the cruellest of insults and yet his son had forgiven him easily for it. Daddy could do no wrong. So in a sense, he could not ridicule Nell for her slight understanding. It was likely a matter of instincts. "It's alright," Josh said gently with a bit of a smile. They always seemed to be feeling bad about something or other when it came to confessions. "It makes sense why you'd keep that to yourself." He was glad she'd shared it with him. Now he knew her previously inexplicable rage toward the man. Does he know about us? This was something that Joshua did withhold from asking. He didn't want to get too pushy or inquisitive. Whether or not her father knew about their relationship was at Nell's full discretion to disclose. Obviously it didn't matter too much seeing as it wasn't stopping the girl from hanging around him--not even in public.
He could tell that his question really affected Nell even if she didn't show it too much in terms of her emotions, and Joshua felt a little bad for asking. Should he apologise? She did answer, surely that means she doesn't mind too much? His gray eyes were sad as he took her hand from across the table again, an apology without words. 'Sorry for making you say that,' his expression seemed to convey to her. Whatever Nell feared about him leaving, she certainly didn't have anything to worry about. He was in deep with his emotions and he'd told her things he would never dream about telling anyone. There was a deep trust established between them and it connected them even if their relationship alone did not. "Everyone makes mistakes," he said quietly. "Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?" He could not tell her that it was insignificant, because it was not. Killing your mother was a big deal no matter how long it had been or what the reasoning had been behind it. However, in Joshua's mind she had only killed the woman. She had not murdered her. His girlfriend was not a murderer and it was a damn good thing she hadn't called herself one or he would have had something to say about it. You're a good person, Nell, he thought to himself. I just wish you could see that yourself.
The faintest hint of a smile tugged his lips when she spoke of the grand finale, waiting patiently. He was expecting it to be an important question, but what he was not expecting was the one that she asked. He'd been absolutely fine with all of the sexual questions before because none of them had directly related to their sexual intimacy--lack of it, really--together. The heat flushed under his collar and this time the blush was noticeable on his cheeks as well as he ducked his head and sputtered, "You--I--what?" Caught off guard couldn't even begin to explain what he was feeling. She was forcing him to think about them together... in that way, and damn it this is not good for my cognitive thought process. Getting over the initial shock, he was nevertheless still blushing as he stammered, "W-Well, yeah, of course, I mean--" Shit, shit. What was he saying? "I mean you are my girlfriend it's not like--" Fuck, this was not the way he wanted to word things at all. He didn't want her to think that he was some hormonal creep that constantly fantasized about sleeping with her or anything. No, this relationship was about much more than just getting into her pants. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I definitely won't answer this with a 'no'." He rubbed the back of his neck. Well, then. Adding a bit of a chuckle, he said, "But believe me, if that was all I thought or cared about I'd have given up a while ago." That was not an insult but a compliment. She wasn't some easy, sleazy girl that wanted in her boyfriend's pants the moment they hooked up. So he was just returning the favour he supposed.
Of course, that made him wonder if she ever thought about sleeping with him and--no, don't go there. The game was over anyway so it wasn't like he was going to break the rules and ask. Finally directing his attention to the pile of study material on the desk, Josh arched a brow. "Oh dear, seems our little chat interrupted your studying," he said. His gray eyes were amused as he blinked at her. It had interrupted his as well of course but that didn't bother him. He'd been more interested in Nell and this game. Was he glad that it was over? Well, it wasn't to say that he didn't enjoy learning about Nell and telling her about himself but he was at least glad for the break--especially after that last question. He really did wonder why she'd asked that but tried his best to put it out of his mind. He wasn't going to take this as some sort of invitation. Josh was still pretty determined to prove his patience and dedication to their relationship before he put the moves on Nell and besides, it wasn't like she needed any more stress to be dealing with. She had a lot more things to worry about than sleeping with him, that was for sure. "Shall we get back to that, then, or...?"
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 29, 2011 17:20:26 GMT -5
She shrugged, the usual gesture that people use to brush issues off. ”For all the crap I give him, I’m surprised I still have any pity left.” Josh didn’t know what her home situation was like before her father left and she wasn’t about to relate horror stories about her mother. She believed he might already have guessed just how bad she was, considering that fact she tried to kill her. But he still didn’t know. He didn’t even know that the day her father left was the day she’d asked him to help Tilly, another reason she had a lot of bitterness toward him. The reluctant side of her understood why he walked away, she would have loved to have left, too. But for the most part she felt that she could never forgive him for leaving the family. Even though Josh said he understood, she still felt that a lot of things normal people would be okay with talking about were sensitive with her. Other families had their father walk out on them, and yet adults could slip it into normal conversation. Maybe because it didn’t affect them that much. Or maybe she was being overdramatic and childish like her father said she was. Either way, she wasn’t about to stop hating him for what he did.
And it was like moving from one uncomfortable subject to another with her mother. Even speaking about her brought a feeling of dread to Nell, which is why she felt better when Joshua touched her hand. It was an anchoring feeling, really, and she shifted her distant look toward him and smiled a bit. She nodded silently to his words, not wanting to argue with that even though she wanted to. She was hard on herself because she had killed her own mother. She’d taken another person’s life. To everyone, it was an unforgiveable sin. Except Josh. Why did he still want to be around her? Why did he keep that he knew a secret for so long? He’d explained these things to her before, but she still didn’t understand. That didn’t meant she hated him for it—no, the opposite. The fact that he didn’t leave her even when he knew her stupidest mistake made her love him all the more. She didn’t want to think about it longer than she had to, though. She answered the question honestly and she gave herself a mental pat on the back for it, but if she focused on what she said too long, it would make her feel any worse. And she didn’t want to bring the mood any further down, even though they were both pretty good at that with their answers.
Nell felt a bit cruel for the glee she felt when she managed to make Josh blush. Her question was aimed to see how he’d react, especially because she was curious. But it was an effort to keep herself from laughing at his expression as she waited for him to get out a coherent reply. He seemed to think his first choice of words were bad, and she simply kept up her amused smile. She certainly hoped that he wanted to sleep with her. Maybe not in the hormonal teenager way, but it would be a nice sentiment if he actually wanted to. ”I’m glad it’s not a no,” she teased with a laugh, perhaps enjoying this a bit too much. Then she thought of the fact that she was being a tease, since she was waiting. She was very…uncertain about everything. Josh wasn’t moving fast at all, but she was still nervous about everything. Now she was feeling a bit worse about asking a question like that and getting him all uncomfortable. Still, they were going out. Wasn’t that what happened in relationships? Thanks to her thoughts, she was blushing now. ”Sorry for uh…getting you a little worked up,” she said, still smiling because of his amusing reaction. Was she expecting that? Nell really didn’t know. She hadn’t thought he’d just sit their stoicly and calmly said “That would be nice”, but she didn’t think he’d actually get so flustered. It was cute, but she didn’t say that aloud. Instead, she told him, ”But thanks for that. The feelings are returned.” She laughed after that too, even though her blush intensified. Now Josh probably thought his girlfriend was a closet perv.
Tilting her head, Nell asked, ”Studying? I was supposed to be studying?” She didn’t mind the interruption at all, and she was very shocked that their game had distracted Josh from any sort of studying. She didn’t think it possible, but apparently there was a way to pull his attention away from books, even when surrounded by them in a library. Nell sighed as if disappointed about returning to her studying, and said, ”I guess we should…” Studying for her was much less interesting than asking Josh questions about himself—especially questions regarding how he felt about her sexually, since they were particularly amusing. She supposed she really was being a tease, but she also hoped he didn’t mind. If he did, she was pretty sure he’d probably say “Yes, now let's fuck.” Or something maybe not as blunt. In any case, she was glad that he wasn’t pushing anything. The whole taking it slow deal was working pretty nicely for her.
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