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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 27, 2011 12:41:11 GMT -5
Nell was surprised to see that talking about how he couldn’t remember losing his virginity bothered Josh. She thought that since he slept around, his first time wouldn’t even matter that much. ”You know what, scratch the party thing,” she said, completely serious. ”The importance of virginity is completely archaic.” It was something that people in the middle ages thought important before marriage and the importance of anyone being pure seemed to be purely outdated. Sure, it would be nice to remember your first time, but it shouldn’t be that important. She wasn’t too focused on it herself. Especially since it was supposed to hurt for girls. Nell couldn’t say she was exactly looking forward to that. ”I’ve heard your first time is always bad anyway,” she placated him…and then she realized that in a subtle way she’d just told him she was a virgin herself. But he’d probably caught on to the fact long ago. If she had any say in it, she may have lost her virginity before. If she’d gone to school and partied with friends and had a boyfriend, it was a possiblity that she would have handed over her v-card. But she’d most likely have been sober for it. Nell reminded herself not to think about those damned ‘what ifs’ so much, because she didn’t have that kind of life.
She smiled as Josh talked about his upbringing when it came to religion. She enjoyed hearing a little more about Josh’s childhood, even vague details and she would like to learn more about him. Which is why she enjoyed this game so much—he had always been so secretive with her, it was always nice to dig a little deeper. ”Well, we have that in common.” It was always nice to find common ground with Josh, and she didn’t know whether or not she was surprised by this. In a way, they’d been raised the same way. Well, she couldn’t say she was raised and she didn’t know about Josh’s childhood, but the fact that their parents let them choose their own way was the same. And she was fine without believing in an afterlife, even if that meant she’d never see her sister again or any of that. She knew that people of faith were all waiting for the pearly gates and praised someone they didn’t even know existed to get there, and that was fine with them—she was truly happy for those who chose religion for their path, and the subject was something that interested her. But she just didn’t see the appeal of always waiting for the end to ascend to a higher state of being. She just wanted to exist in the here and now, and not have to worry about the hereafter.
It took a lot not to snort when he talked about rumors involving extra noses, but there was the tell-tale twitch of her lips that revealed she just might laugh. But Josh was being serious here, and she didn’t want to make it uncomfortable for him or anything. Because she’d definitely heard things about him, and she wasn’t about to ask him to sift through fact and fiction because with some of them, she could tell. Well, she hoped. ”That’s completely understandable,” she said, running her fingernails along the edge of the pages in her book. Fabrications and lies of the truth were no fun, she knew that. She guessed she could count herself among ‘others’, and so she said, ”I don’t like to listen to that stuff. In my opinion, it’s not the truth until you hear it from the horse’s mouth.” Nell wished that others shared the same view, especially back in America. But back there, they weren’t just rumors, they were lies stated as fact. And so, when it came to the rumor mill, Nell liked to give Josh the benefit of the doubt. He went on to explain how most of them were false, and her lips curved into a smile. ”Well I certainly hope so,” she said about the sexual assault part. Rape wasn’t okay under any circumstances, and so she couldn’t imagine Josh as someone who would ever do that. It was reserved for the lowest of the low.
She was a bit embarrassed to admit her lack of education to someone like Josh. Of course, it hadn’t been her choice not to go to public school, but still… ”I never had a formal education before coming to the Academy,” she admitted, somewhat shy. She was nervous still about explaining things from her past, but this was Josh. She trusted him more than she trusted anyone, and the fact that he knew more about her than anyone else reassured her that she didn’t have to hide from him. ”I was more or less homeschooled my entire life. By my father, actually.” And then any form of education stopped when her mother pretty much snapped. It wasn’t like they didn’t have any money, since her mother did things for people around the block, like ironing and babysitting. But that was it, certainly not enough for a tutor. Not that her mother had wanted her to have a tutor. ”But to make up for a lot of the things I didn't learn, I spent a lot of time in libraries.” It was a half-truth at best, since the real reason she’d spent time in libraries was for her sister and protection from her mother. Nell didn’t think it was the best way to bring it up though. And ‘by the way, my mother abused me’ seemed something pretty big and random to slip into an answer about education. Besides, she mostly just wanted to convince Josh that she wasn’t some kind of illiterate fool, because his opinion mattered a lot to her. Her next question was one she wondered if it may bee too personal again, but Josh had told her nothing was off-limits. ”Why do you sleep around so much?” She didn’t want to make him feel bad about it, she was just genuinely curious.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 27, 2011 22:08:37 GMT -5
Nell seemed genuine about her insistence but Joshua could only give her a sad sort of smile in respect. She didn't know what her first time was like and neither did he so it wasn't like they could really sit around and say with one hundred percent accuracy that it was bad or good or even fantastic. "Well, seeing as neither of us know..." He trailed off and shrugged. Nell might find out, but would the two of them stay together long enough for that? He felt a heat on the back of his neck as this thought sprung to mind, trying to suppress it. He tried not to think too much about the non-existent sexual part of their relationship because he didn't want to accidentally bring it up and make Nell uncomfortable. He knew he'd probably be the one to make the first move and he certainly wasn't going to hold off on this forever, but he wanted to give her time to adjust to the idea of being in a relationship before they tried to take it any further. Especially since she was so naive and inexperienced. She'd apparently heard that the first time was always bad and this worried Josh a little. He couldn't remember but he didn't want it to be bad for her whether it was with him or with some other guy. He also didn't want to think about what might happen if anything went... wrong. He just didn't know how to go about this whole relationship and 'taking it slowly' thing and that's probably why he never really brought it up around her. "I haven't really heard anything about it. I try not to speculate too much." Painful as it was to come to terms with, he really would never know. That wasn't something he could 'overcome'. The memory was gone and that was it.
His lips twitched into one of those rare smiles when Nell said that she didn't put any stock into the rumours. He supposed he should have expected this sort of reply seeing as she had been blacklisted by the Academy because of one such rumour but Joshua was still glad that she wasn't as willing to judge him as much as the others. "Well, I don't know about a horse," he said with a dry chuckle, "but if any of the rumours make you wonder, just ask. Any of them about cheating on you, though, you don't have to." He'd heard plenty of rumours about how he was banging some other girl and cheating on his girlfriend. These rumours usually filled him with a rare anger--making up ridiculous things about sex were one thing, accusing him of something like that and then spreading it around school was another. "I wouldn't do that." Sure, Brittney had tempted him. That was all water under the bridge now. He tried to avoid bars and other socialite gatherings where people were known to hang out and when he did hang around then, he had a defence. He wasn't going to go so far as to tell Nell that, though, because she might think him ridiculous. As for all of the rumours about sexual assault... they hadn't really bothered him until after the run-in with the police due to Angel. It wasn't something that anyone should be joking about or pinning on someone else because it really did wreck lives and relationships. He could still recall the argument with his father and the awkwardness that had bloomed between them afterwards.
She sounded shy when she admitted to him that she didn't have any sort of official schooling. Josh wondered if it was due to the fact that he was properly educated at some of the best facilities in the Hollow that money could buy, but he hoped that was not the case. He loved Nell no matter where she'd gone to school or who had taught her. "It clearly hasn't set you back much." Joshua was not only saying this to reassure her but also to make sure that she knew he didn't think any differently of her because of it. She was good at History and English after all and if she was terrible at everything else he'd never heard a word about it. The reason she had remedial work was because of her powers, mostly, and the work that she'd missed. That was the way Josh understood it. He seemed to enjoy the comment about libraries, for his gray eyes lit up slightly. "Libraries are great." Before he'd made the decision to turn one of the rooms of the third floor into the start of his library when he was in high-school, Josh had barely spent any time away from the libraries in Maple Hollow. His favourite was the central library that had the most books out of the lot. There were always a lot of people there but it was quiet enough that he could stay out of their way and be alone with the books. He'd always loved the smell there, too, of old paper and new. Of course he preferred his own library now that he had it for there he could be completely alone, but it was the thought that counted. He wondered if Nell shared his fondness.
The next question she asked was as uncomfortable as the others, but by this time Joshua was expecting the questions of a sexual nature and didn't seem quite so flustered or embarrassed by them. "Why shouldn't I have?" was his response with a light shrug. He held up a hand as if to ask her not to assume anything before he explained. He didn't want her to think that he was going to cheat because of this explanation. "Back then it didn't matter to me at all. It wasn't really special to me at all. Nor was it special to any of the girls I slept with judging by our respective track records." The laugh that brushed past his lips was bitter and a little dry. He didn't usual have regret for this sort of thing but sometimes he did wish he could change it just so that he didn't have to explain this in such brutal honesty to the first girl that actually mattered to him in this sort of way. "We always knew there wouldn't be any commitment. Neither of us were looking for a relationship--I'm talking about all of the girls. Sure, there might have been a few misunderstanding, but I always made my intentions clear enough." It wasn't to say that he liked seducing girls but if they showed their interest he let them know that he wasn't putting anything down for long term. He didn't feel for any of them. How could he trust someone that he met in a bar--alright, he'd met Nell in a bar but that was different--and who'd sleep with him at the drop of a hat? "I slept around because there wasn't really a reason not to." There it was. Simple as that. He wasn't addicted to sex, he wasn't searching for some sort of connection with anyone, he just hadn't seen a reason to refuse. "But now there is," he said, "so I won't. I don't." The expression on his face was hard to read. "I hope you don't mind my asking, but... what was your sister like?" He knew that they were twins and he wasn't really clear on what had happened, but he hoped that he wasn't crossing some sort of line with this.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 28, 2011 3:08:58 GMT -5
Nell trusted Josh enough that she felt she didn’t need to come to him for any cheating rumors. She didn’t want to come to him with that. It would make her exactly the kind of girlfriend she didn’t want to be, the kind that checked phones and was just completely overbearing. And she didn’t want silly rumors to play a part in that. ”I’ll make sure to remember that,” she said, though she really tried not to listen to what other people said. They obviously didn’t know Josh and probably didn’t hear the things they talk about from him personally since Josh didn’t go around announcing whatever he did into a megaphone. So it just gave her all the more reason to trust him, especially when it came to these situations. But he seemed determined to make sure that she understood that cheating wasn’t on his list of things to do, so she simply nodded and smiled a bit to show that she would ask him if she ever needed it, even though she didn’t want to ever have to do that. At least he didn’t seem awkarded out—not much, at least—which made her more comfortable.
Nell was glad to hear what came from Josh weren’t scoffs or ridicules for the fact she didn’t have a proper school education. As if she weren’t self-conscious enough with him, there had to be the fact that she was one of those homeschooled hicks or whatever. ”I certainly hope so,” she said, folding her hands in front of her and looking down at them. She felt more comfortable with Josh than anyone with admitting personal facts abput herself, but it was still rather strange. She’d never spoken a word about her past to anyone except her family, and that steered her away from opening up to people again. But Josh wasn’t judging her for this, didn’t even judge her for being a goddamn murderer, and he wasn’t like her family. She felt she could trust him with this information about herself, but she didn’t think there were things in her past that he would want to hear. She was pretty sure no one wanted to hear about abuse unless they were looking for horror stories to make their stomach twist. ”I figured you’d like that,” she said, a smile curling her lips when she’d before been pensive. Yes, her safe haven was anywhere away from her mother. She guessed it was like playing tag, when there were designated places for three second time-outs. It was kind of odd, thinking of her life as a violent game of tag.
Waiting to say anything as he held up his hand, she listened for his answer about the whole sleeping around deal. She hoped she hadn’t sound judgmental or anything because she wanted to know it. Nell was ignorant of most things about sex and how it affected people’s lives, but she knew that a lot of people believed it was something important that should be shared between two people who loved each other. And unless Josh loved each and every girl he laid, she didn’t think that to be a belief he held. As he finished, Nell blinked. ”I never thought of it that way,” she said slowly, honestly. He didn’t have a reason to turn girls down, so why do that? It made sense now that she thought of it. ”It makes me wonder why people judge for that sort of thing. To each his own, I guess.” Why did Josh have to be the subject of so many rumors when he was only doing something that he wanted to. Nell smiled a bit when he told her that he wasn’t doing that anymore, still happy that he remained loyal even when she wasn’t putting out. ”Glad to hear that,” she said somewhat sheepishly, since she was trying to avoid including Josh and sex in the same thought process because that just made her face heat up.
The question caught her a bit off guard and she flicked her eyes up to meet Josh’s. No one had ever asked what she was like. If anything, she’d expecting a question about how she’d died or something, not what how she’d been in life. Nell actually appreciated that. ”No, I don’t mind. It’s just…weird, talking about her. No one ever asked before.” It was a strange new experience, and she didn’t know how she felt about it. Nell knew that people moved on from deaths of family members when they were very young, it was a normal process, but she’d never got a chance to mourn. And so many of her problems were connected with the girl, it felt strange to talk about her. Then, with a half-smile she said, ”Well, she was the complete opposite of me.” Nell scratched her head, but she was still smiling, not finding this as dreadful an experience as she would have thought before. No one ever knew about her sister and wanted to ask questions, and it was kind of nice. ”Tilly was quiet and always serious…all the time. I think she would have been a Thunder, actually.” Ironic, considering the war with them, but it was true. ”She’d have been a really great…person.” She choked a bit on the last words, steering her gaze down. That was always the worse part, thinking of how the girl would have turned out. What she could have become. Shaking these thoughts, she hastily asked, ”So, uh…do you use protection all the time?” Nell was glad she didn’t blush with this at least. Not a total prude, nope.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 28, 2011 4:21:37 GMT -5
It was touching that Nell didn't judge him for his sexual back story. It was hard for Josh to talk about this sort of thing with people--not because he was a prude in any sense, but because of their judgement. Whenever he heard the cruel rumours about him they did sometimes make him shirk away. People saw him as some over-confident manwhore that thought he could lay any girl in the school. They saw him as someone that would take advantage of a girl just because she was drunk. No, he wasn't like that. He was glad that Nell understood. "Thank you," he said softly. "For believing me, for not judging me, for... well, everything, really. It means a lot." He gave her the smallest of smiles to show her exactly how genuine he was being. This was almost like a step toward healing any awkward spots in his relationship. He was getting more comfortable about talking with sex around Nell because he knew she probably wouldn't immediately imagine all the flings he'd had. "They've got the wrong idea about me, really," he laughed weakly. "Maybe if I had saved it a little longer things would have turned out differently. They're different now, after all." He didn't know whether she'd pick up on the subtle reference to the fact that he had, thus far, been able to hold out on having sex with anyone else. He had self control. They were wrong about the fact that he was some crazed manwhore that could never hold down a girlfriend because of a deep and psychological sex addiction. He'd heard those rumours before and damn.
He nodded to show he understood when she said that she didn't mind, but out of respect he stayed quiet and waited for Nell to continue. His lips twitched slightly as she spoke of her sister and of how opposite the two were. It was nice to think of two twins that were not perfectly alike in every way. It was also obvious that she'd been close to her twin as he'd seen in the pictures that had been burned up on the cliffs. Thinking of Annabel and how he might feel if she was ever taken away from him he guessed that it wasn't the easiest of subjects for Nell, but he was glad that she felt comfortable in sharing this with him. She choked up a little at the end and Joshua brought his hand across the table to rest it on her shoulder. "She was a great person," he said. "That never goes away. Not even when something bad happens." His words of comfort were brief, but he kept his hand there for a moment before pulling it away. "May I ask a sub-question?" He paused to give her time and when she confirmed said this, "What was her name?" He was confident that the girl really had been a great person. Not because he was so naive that he saw good in everyone, but because Nell was a great person and this had been her twin. He couldn't think badly of her, especially not when such words came from her own sister.
Her next question was a bit surprising. I can't fathom why she wants to know that... It made the heat sweep through him again and he tried to think of the most unflattering, least sexy thoughts he could manage. He ended up on thoughts of the scar on his hand. He glanced down at it and the very faint scars on his fingers, though of the pain and the fear that he'd felt as he'd watched the blood soak over the skin. Yeah, he definitely wasn't turned on now. Glancing back upward so that he was looking into her eyes when he answered and she didn't think that she'd made him uncomfortable, he said, "Yeah. Always." It wasn't really too bad of a subject for him. Awkward, maybe, but not really. He wasn't nervous to admit that he used protection because there were very specific reasons for it. Angel and her trolling scheme came to mind. She'd been lying, but those were the things he was trying to prevent. "I've heard it's better without but that's another thing I wouldn't know to compare." He laughed softly to show that he wasn't trying to make it awkward by saying this. Oh, he was sure he may have slipped up once or twice but he'd have to be quite drunk to forget something so vital and indeed he never remembered things when he was that intoxicated. "I don't want diseases or unwanted children on my hands, after all." The laughing had given way to a bit of an amused smirk. No, Joshua definitely wasn't eager to go around with STDs and mouths to feed.
There was another thing that had been sort of bothering him over the past little while--not in a sense that it was anything bad, just that he was very curious about it and wondered if he should ask. This game was played for a reason, so he decided that now was a good a time as any to breach the subject. "Before I asked you out," he began, to clarify, "Did you have feelings for me at all? When did you... realise... that you liked me?" Then, blinking in thought, Joshua added, "Unless they didn't develop until afterwards. Which is fine!" He made a frantic hand gesture to assure her that he really didn't mind if she wasn't sure of how to take this. "I'm just... it's something I wanted to know." He didn't really know why he was so insanely curious about this, but it was something he'd wondered after the first night he'd kissed her. When he was absolutely positive of the things he'd been feeling for months, that had been after the kiss? When did these feelings start to develop? It was after she'd broken down, really. Seeing her in that worst state he'd thought that he would feel awkward and want to walk away from the situation, but instead he'd only wanted to be able to fix it. He'd never felt so strongly for someone before. He hadn't been sure why until much later, but he believed that was the time when he first realised he might like their friendship more than he did the others.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 28, 2011 6:18:59 GMT -5
Was Josh expecting her to judge him? It was near impossible for her, especially when it came to him. It was sort of a complex now, how she held him so high in her view. Of course, she didn’t want to be completely naïve and think he could do no wrong, but it was always about the benefit of the doubt. So it was the same when it came to whatever he did in the past. ”’Course I wouldn’t judge you, Josh,” she said simply. He never did with her, after all. She was naïve with things not even having to do with sex, but he never once asked why she didn’t know or how she could be so freaking ignorant. He’d always given her straight answers without once making a judgmental comment. It was only natural to return that favor. ”Well, it’s not really good to think of all the ‘what ifs’ and life.” That’s what really kept her going when she thought of how she could have changed certain things that have happened or that didn’t happen—the fact that she couldn’t change things made it easier for her to try and let go. So Josh lost his virginity when he was way young and a—for lack of a nicer term—manwhore. She trusted that he wouldn’t go behind her back to get something he was not getting from her. Brittney just proved that fact, and somewhat eased the self-consciousness she always felt.
To try and keep herself from growing sad with thoughts of her deseased twin, she focused on what she could pick out of the of the horrible past they had to endure—the fact that Tilly was a natural snarker and even her sarcasm always made Nell smile. If she thought about that and not the fact that the girl was constantly ill because of her, it was easier. When she felt Josh’s hand on her shoulder, she looked up to smile at him, though it wasn’t the usual bright smile she wore. It wasn’t exactly upset, more melancholic. ”You’re right,” she said softly, though it was difficult not to think of what could have been. Don’t focus on the what ifs. Nell looked down again, but found it easier to meet his eyes as she lifted her head back up to say, ”Till. I always called her Tilly, though. Our names matched in a way. Nell Doe and Till Rae. A third sister would have been Mee. My mother enjoyed music, especially opera.” Talking about her mother was even worse, so she stopped there. In any case, their names were another example that she was pretty much just one half of a whole, but it wouldn't be the best idea to get into that right now. But she wasn't going to bring the conversation down with her sad memories.
Nell looked on curiously when he didn’t answer right away, wondering what that meant. She re-examined her words, and felt a light blush then. Yeah, you definitely sound like a perv. Real smooth. She didn’t want to wave her hands and tell him that she didn’t want to even consider sex with him. That was just mean. Because this was her boyfriend, it would be an insult for her not to like him in that way. Because she did. Even though it was bad when they were trying to take it slow and just stop thinking right now, Nell. Instead, she clarified, ”I was just curious…since you did sleep around…and I wondered if there were any…you know, slip-ups.” She steered her eyes away. ”Or something.” Not for future reference or anything. She really did like him, it was just—Bad thoughts, think about flowers and food and innocent, not-sexual things. Sex in general didn’t really bother her, but with Josh… Luckily, she laughed as he explained that he wouldn’t know the difference. ”I don’t think anyone wants that. Probably why they invented Trojans.” It’s nice to know that even in the heat of the moment, Josh knew the ‘no glove, no love’ rule. The thought made her snort a little, and she was being immature again.
Josh’s next question made her smile broaden. This was easy for her—the two were going out, so thingsl like these should be known. ”If I didn’t have feelings for you, I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you,” she said with a sly grin. Then, sitting back she seriously considered his question, squinting a bit for effect. ”I guess I was always physically attracted to you,” she said frankly. Well, after you threatened to shank me in an alley. ”But I can’t really narrow it down to one moment. I suppose it was when you took my side during the war, because…I never really trusted anyone to do that for me. And you’ve always been by my side, so…” Physical attraction was easy, but she didn’t think a relationship could be built off of just that. So while she found him…attractive (Stop thinking, Nell), it was the fact she felt so close to him that made her even consider getting involved romantically with Josh. Even though they started off so badly, he still managed to prove he was a good guy to her. The simple act of disagreeing with his own element to take her side was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. She kind of wanted to steer away from the sex questions. Even though they were both comfortable talking about it, she didn’t want him thinking she was a perv by digging too deep into his romantic history. ”Do you usually pick up girls at bars?” Okay, so much for steering away from the sexual stuff, but curiosity reallly did kill the cat.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 28, 2011 7:06:24 GMT -5
As Nell told him about her sister's name and the reasoning behind it, he could only return the smile with a sympathetic look in his gray gaze. He wasn't going to pity her or talk about how sorry he was that the girl was no longer in her life. He figured that Nell got enough of that whenever she mentioned her sister and he didn't want to be another one of those many heaps in the pity party. Instead, he just listened to what she was telling him and enjoyed the rare insight into her life. "So you would be Nelly, then?" He chuckled quietly at the thought. He liked that name. He liked the way it sounded and the way that it seemed to suit her. What is it with nicknames and the letter Y? Annabel called him Joshy, after all, a cutesy little nickname that they'd developed in her earlier years. Realising that she might have some sort of qualms with anyone calling her that if her sister did, he said, "You don't mind, do you?" It was so strange to really care about someone and care about how they felt. He'd always felt for his family of course, but to love another person enough that his compassion and caring was restored... that was something else. He owed that to Nell. She'd regained his sense of trust in the fact that not every friend one made was destined for failure. It had really felt that way when the gang had come after him, to have his sense of trust shattered across the space of a couple days. He wondered if she knew how much he meant to him for that, but he decided not to say.
It did not surprise him that Nell wondered about his potential slip-ups and mistakes. It made sense now that they were in a relationship to divulge certain information about himself that was normally kept locked in his mind for only his mind's presence. "None that have caused any harm or that I can remember," he promised her. He wasn't a perfect person--maybe there had been a time or two, but he didn't think it would have happened very often. It was something he was always conscious about when a girl was starting to make it clear she wanted sex from him and nothing else. She probably didn't want a baby and he didn't want anything she might have and not be telling him about, so that was that. "Or something," he repeated with amusement. "As I've said, the rumours blow it out of proportion. I'm responsible about it." It was almost an amusing though, really. Having sex responsibly even though it was nine times out of ten with someone he'd never speak to again. The rumours would have people believe he had a new girl every night or at least every weekend, but it was more infrequent and erratic in patterning than that. It wasn't like he intentionally went out with the mindset that he would fuck the next pretty girl that crossed his path. He didn't like the idea of going hunting for sex. That made him sound freaky and predatory and it just wasn't something he was alright with. The nights usually just ended up happening. He was also usually drunk for the worst of them.
It was touching, really, to know that Nell did have feelings for him. "I'd just thought that maybe, since you were so uncertain..." Not about her feelings about him, no. He was indicating her uncertainty when it came to relationships and things of a similar nature. He had been paranoid that she might have just went into this because he was the first one that had asked and she didn't really know how to take it. He was glad that it was not so, very glad. "I find you attractive, too, if that counts." Gray eyes seemed amused as he smirked at her. He was only teasing--he was telling the truth, but he wasn't trying to make anything come of it. No thoughts about how sexy she is, or trapezes, or anything like that. Shh. Subtly, Joshua traced the palm scar with the fingers on his right hand to keep the memory in check whilst not looking down at it and giving away that he might be a little turned on by less-than-innocent thoughts. Besides, what she said next made him feel more attracted to her mentally than physically. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with this girl, thought Joshua fondly as he smiled. "All this time?" he said. He liked that. "I'm glad. Thank you for sharing." Then, so that it didn't feel too one-sided, he decided to divulge a little information on his own behalf. "I've liked--no, I've loved you since I found you crying that day, the same one when I found out what happened." He paused to allow that to sink in, blinking at her. "It didn't matter to me, about your mother, because even when you were so upset all I could think about was how much I wanted to see you happy again." He didn't usually get this sappy and cheesy with other people, it made him a little sheepish as he pulled his hands apart and drummed his fingers very lightly on the desk. No dangerous thoughts now. "That was when I knew." A smiling Nell was much better than a sobbing Nell. That was why he'd been so determined to make a gesture--in this case, getting her Pablo--that would make her smile again. It had made him feel slightly uncomfortable to see her crying, but he'd been more consumed by a desire to help.
Her question actually caused him to laugh a little. "Well it's not like I troll the supermarket and try to flirt! How could I judge? Oh, look, that girl's got milk jugs. She must be interested!" Once he'd gotten over his little fit of amusement, he shook his head a little and said a little more seriously, "Sorry, I couldn't help myself." He didn't want Nell to think that he was trying to make fun of her or anything. It just amused him, the mental image of trying to approach a girl anywhere except a bar and hitting on her. Calmed down now, he took a breath in order to answer more seriously. "Truth be told, I never really go out with those intentions in mind," Joshua confessed. Once again, answering her questions didn't seem to affect him much at all. Just as he hadn't been quite as flustered as Nell when she'd caught him wearing nothing but boxers--Josh really didn't mind talking about this kind of thing. Nell was clearly not a prude seeing as how she was able to talk about this, though. He was glad for that. "It's just usually in bars that girls'll approach a guy that's sitting alone without a ring on their finger." He shrugged. "I've hooked up in other places, but it's usually the rarity." It was his turn again, and Joshua fell silent for a moment as he tried to think of how to next approach a question. When he finally got one, he looked up at her curiously and spoke, "What's the thing you love the most about yourself?" They'd talked about bad qualities, but he wanted to know something that she was happy with, pertaining to herself.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 29, 2011 0:22:37 GMT -5
It felt odd but not terribly bad talking about her past. Whenever someone else asked her anything personal, she instantly shut down and said ‘it’s complicated’. That was the perfect answer for everything. Not with Josh. Talking to him about her sister was surprisingly easy, especially since he wasn’t giving her those large, sympathy eyes that people tended to do whenever someone discussed something bad that happened. The whole soft clicking of their tongue, shaking their heads—she didn’t mind the pity since that was the way people naturally reacted, but she was glad to have Josh looking at her like they were having a normal discussion. ”Yep, though sometimes she just called me ‘freak’ or ‘moron’.” Nell actually laughed when she remembered her sister’s ‘petnames’. Her chest ached when thinking about these things, but it was a dull kind of pain that she guessed came along with any tragedy. Time certainly helped with pain. Her features brightened when Josh asked if she minded him calling her that. ”No, not at all. A few people call me Nelly.” It wasn’t a personal kind of nickname only reserved for her sister, since it was one of the easiest nicknames to come up with for her. Some of her friends called her it, but most of the time just to tease. And then there was her aunt, who just liked to fuck with her. ”How do you feel about other people using Annabel’s nickname for you?” she asked curiously. She noticed that the girl mainly just called him ‘Joshy’.
She realized that if anyone else had asked her out before him, she would have said no. So it was a good thing Josh took the incentive, otherwise she wouldn’t have known what to do with her feelings. ”If you hadn’t, I would have asked you out…eventually.” She was naïve, but she certainly wasn’t shy. Even if some things with Josh got her flustered, she’d eventually gotten the balls to ask him out. ”It certainly does,” she retorted to his teasing. It was nice to know that her boyfriend found her attractive, even made her heat up a bit but not anything noticeable. She didn’t think of herself as pretty, but she wasn’t going to ask what he found attractive about her. For a moment, she wondered if he thought his scars would get in the way of her attraction to him. He was still sexy even with his marred skin, and she’d better stop thinking about it before her thoughts swerved off the tracks and crashed into a tree. Good thing Josh started talking again about when he figured out he loved her. Of all the times that he could realize his feelings for her, he chose when he found out about her mother. She would have made a remark like ‘do you usually fall for murderers, or is it just me’, but she was too hertened by his words to make any sarcastic comment. He said he wanted her to be happy—after a life spent with someone who wated the the complete opposite of that, it was the best thing she’d ever heard. ”Well, you really did make me happy.” Nell most likely wouldn’t have rebounded as quickly as she did if it wasn’t for Josh’s act of kindness and the fact that he stayed with her. After learning about her, he still stayed. Yes, she really thought she did love him.
His reaction to her question was apparently sarcastic, and she crossed her arms. ”Hey, it’s not like people don’t do that!” she said in a mock defensive tone. ”The frozen food section is a good place to meet girls.” It took all she had not to giggle immaturely at the ‘milk jugs’ part, but she kept her cool. Josh may have thought it ridiculous, but for some guys, any place was a good place to pick up girls. But she was surprised to hear that he didn’t go out looking for women. He told her that he had no reason to ever refuse a girl, but she just figured that it was something he planned to do. She didn’t know the game well enough as him to understand how it all worked, though, and she wasn’t very curious about that part. ”I work in a bar, so I’ve seen it happen. But I'm pretty sure they're not the only place to pick up women, and that doesn't just leave grocery stores.” It wasn’t like Nell didn’t pay attention to other people. And there was the fact that she was extra friendly and flirted to get more tips as everyone did, but no one really had intentions to take a bartender home. Which was good for her, she supposed—she wouldn’t have the same problems as Josh had with Brittney. There was also the fact that he didn’t give up a certain kind of lifestyle to be with him. He really gave up a big part of his life for me.
Josh’s next question was pretty hard for her to answer. It was difficult to think about what she liked in herself. Very difficult. And it saddened her to realize there wasn’t much she saw there. Even she didn’t realize how low her self-worth was sometimes. ”My…friendliness. I suppose,” she said, a frown tugging on her lips. Was that all she had? Nell didn’t want to tell him that she really couldn’t think of any good thing about her to be proud of, because that would sound like she was simply fishing for compliments. It wasn’t like that—she honestly didn’t put much stock into herself. In her mind, the best part about her was her friends. It didn’t mean she hated herself or anything, it was just that she believed she didn’t even think about herself a lot. ”I like people, so I try to be as friendly as possible. I'd be pretty lost without the people I love, so I can't imagine being any other way.” Of course, the only thing she found she could take pride in involved other people and how they respond to her. She supposed that her independence was also something she loved about herself, and the thought that she had another thing going for her reassured Nell. She’d always been taking care of herself, except now she was mooching off her father, but that was a different story. It was one of the only reasons she survived with her mother, she supposed, her self-reliance. In any case, she’d much rather hear what Josh loved about himself, but she had another question in mind to ask. ”What’s your biggest regret?” She was glad she could steer away from sex questions, but for all he knew his answer could be sexual.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 29, 2011 2:28:21 GMT -5
Nell's laughter when she spoke about her sister put a bit of a smile on his face. Normally he would have asked why someone called Nell a freak or a moron but then he reminded himself that this was her twin and that it was probably just something that siblings did. Annabel called him an annoying idiot all the time when she wasn't getting her way--the amount of things she had to complain about him and you'd think that they didn't get along at all. At the end of the day she was still the youngest, though, and she still looked up to her big brother. Not even the recent drama involving the law had changed that. "Maybe that means I'll have to start," he said with a gently teasing tone. He probably wouldn't use it all the time--only when he was being humorous or silly, which was actually a lot more often than usual when he was in Nell's presence. There was something about the Earth elemental that lightened his personality and made him thousands of times easier to get along with. If you were to meet Joshua when he was in her company you'd probably have a much better chance of getting along with him. She made him happy, as cheesy as it was. He'd needed someone like that. The question surprised him, but the answer was easy enough. "Most of the time," he said. "Mainly because it's usually when people have no business calling me by it. I wouldn't really mind if you did." He shrugged. As long as she didn't plan to troll him when they were in company he wouldn't care if she teased him with the pet name occasionally.
He laughed as they continued to joke about grocery stores and picking up women. It was good to laugh about this kind of thing. "I always make a point to steer clear of the sausages," he threw in with a bit of a wink. Yeah, alright, maybe this was just taking the joke to a whole new level but he couldn't help it. Nell had seemed pretty amused by the comment about milk jugs so he supposed she'd be picking up on his little innuendos. They were obvious enough to someone that knew a lot of these things and he'd wondered if Nell was aware. Clearly, seeing as she was, he could joke about them. "Probably not," Josh shrugged, agreeing with her for the most part. "I've never really tried." He wasn't social or confident enough to just swagger up to a random girl and ask her for her number or start conversation. In a bar it was a little easier to converse considering people were largely more likely to be out for the same thing. Besides, he'd been telling the truth when he'd said that he would go out with the sole intentions of picking up chicks. He wasn't as much of a manwhore as people suggested. He just didn't say no to most of the pretty girls that presented themselves unless they were clearly whores. He didn't like the women that wore incredibly low-cut tops and the shortest of skirts with massive heels and caked-on make-up. That sort of superficial 'beauty' just suggested she'd be an easy catch for any guy in the bar looking for a brief fuck and it made him uneasy to think about it.
It troubled him that Nell took a while to answer and that her answer was so vague at first. She explained herself after a moment but Josh really didn't like the fact that she seemed so low on self-worth. "That's a good quality," he agreed nevertheless, nodding. "You're definitely one of the friendliest people I've met. Never change that." If she hadn't been herself, after all, they probably never would have become friends. They might have been the awkward study buddies for a while but he supposed that too would have fallen through awfully quick as soon as the conversation--or, well, lack thereof--between them got old and stale. Still, it troubled him that of all the things she had to talk about herself Nell had chosen something like that and frowned about it as she did so. He supposed it was hard to chose something you loved about yourself without giving it a bit of thought, but even still. Should I tell her what I like about her? He wanted to make Nell feel good about herself, after all. But no, if he told her all the great things about herself after she had just clearly hesitated herself, Nell might think that he was just handing out compliments for the sake of giving them. He wanted this to be real, he wanted it to be genuine, and so Josh was going to choose a different approach. Slowly but surely he was going to make this girl smile. But not right now. Right now he was going to pretend that he hadn't noticed anything strange about her answer at all.
What was his biggest regret? Now, that was a pretty tough question. "I've got a few, let me narrow it down," he requested. He didn't want to sound all gloom and doom about this but he really did have a few major regrets. Maybe a guy looking to impress a girl would have said that it was the night where he nearly attacked her, but whilst Joshua did regret that it certainly didn't top the list. She hadn't been hurt and nothing truly bad had come from it except that he felt uncomfortable drinking around her. So what, then? His mind immediately flickered to the gang, then to Annabel and her distaste of him, then to many arguments with his father, then nearly ruining his mothers career... and back to the gang again. Indeed, seeing as they'd caused him so much hell it only seemed to make sense. "I regret running away from home when I was younger," he replied. "It was the start of a lot of negative things." He had not told her directly that it was the gang that had happened on that night, but he figured that he didn't need to. She knew about them and she knew he'd been involved in them. He regretted them, but he regretted letting his father get to him just as much. If he hadn't ran--if he hadn't been so stupid... maybe he wouldn't be sitting here with a scar on his face and a general distrust of humanity. "What's the first thing you notice in a person?" It was general curiosity speaking--he wasn't asking this about himself, but about people in general.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 29, 2011 3:55:15 GMT -5
Nell wouldn’t mind at all if Josh called her by a nicname, even if she didn’t like said nickname. She didn’t really mind what anyone called her, even if it was derogatory—she’d be called worse things. ”Freak or Nelly?” she teased, even though it was clear that he meant the latter. It had just been in Tilly’s personality to be sarcastic, and the two girls never actually got into fights. They didn’t really have a lot to fight about, except when Tilly chastised the older twin because of bruises she thought were from stupid stunts that Nell did. Of course Josh would have an aversion to his nickname, considering he was a guy, and ‘Joshy’ was not at all manly. Probably why Annabel chose to call him it, since it was just a cute little nickename between them. But she could tell by the way he spoke of how it bothered him when others called him that, he wouldn’t be too keen if she used it when they were around other people. ”Oh don’t worry. I wouldn’t call you—“ Nell looked around before before leaning forward to whisper, ”Joshy in public. I have to defend your honor and all.” Even though she was the girlfriend here, she felt she had to do a fair share of that. She wasn’t the one with rumors of manwhorishness circling around her constantly.
Josh had to bring sausage into the joking, and Nell lost it just a little bit. ”Stop it,” she said, leaning back as she held her stomach while laughing. Collecting herself, she accused, ”That was a bad joke, and you know it.” Even now, she found it odd that she could laugh with him like this. During their awkward stage—she would refer to it as puberty in their relationship—so much as a small joke passing between them was imposible. Nell seriously thought that he just didn’t have a sense of humor, so now that she’d discovered it, the fact that he could jest still caught her off-guard. Moving on from that, it was strange to know that he didn’t go around looking for girls, and they more or less came to him apparently. Not saying that he wasn’t good in the look departments (and she had to stop herself before she went any further with those thoughts), but it was still funny to think about. All he had to do was mind his business while sitting at a bar, and they just came to him. For her own question, Nell was glad that Josh didn’t seem to pick up on any hesitation on her part, or the fact that she was having trouble thinking of anything. ”I don’t plan to,” she reassured with a tiny laugh that died a bit as she once again tried to think of something she loved about herself. She didn’t really want it to be this hard, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t even want to think about it anymore, and so she stopped with that.
Nell allowed him time to think of his regrets, because she could understand how one person could have many. It was strange, for the fact that a lot of the times she just couldn’t understand Josh—the whole ‘I already knew you killed your mother’ thing still blew her mind. But with things like regrets, yes, she knew. Then he anwer, and she nodded. She could understand that, too, another odd thing. But she didn’t know how to feel about her own running away. She had killed her mother, but she’d also gotten her freedom. It could have been different. But it wasn’t, and she wouldn’t let herself think about that. Nell wasn’t going to ask about what those negative things were, but she had a feeling. Well, she wondered if it had anything to do with the gang, but she didn’t know at what age he became involved with them. And even with this game of theirs, she wasn’t going to ask, because she knew there were a few things even she wouldn’t answer if he asked. ”Would you change it?” she asked, a bit ubruptly as the thought just occurred to her. ”Subquestion of course,” she added in with a smile. ”Would you change that decision even if it helped you make the person you are today?” She was wandering into philosophical territory here, which she didn’t mind—she actually loved philosophy. But she really wanted to know his opinion on the matter.
Josh’s next question was another one she had to think about. She laughed when she said, ”Well, I think I’m getting used to the accents here, so I can’t say that.” In New York, there were a few areas that the accent got so thick she wondered how they would fair in Canada. If she grew up in other parts of America—maybe the west coast or California—it wouldn’t be so noticeable. But thanks to New York having quite a strong dialect, she could honestly say she noticed accents. ”I guess I’m going to have to say posture. You can tell a lot about someone by the way the hold themselves. It’s not a perfect gauge for personality or anything, but it’s certainly what stands out to me.” How people hold themselves was definitely something she noticed first, since she was guessing he meant first appearences. ”For example…” Straightening her back and folding her hands in front of her, she said in a flat voice, ”I have a stick up my butt.” She couldn’t hold the laughter in though. She didn’t judge anyone by what she notices first, but it certainly played a part. ”Have you ever done drugs?” She knew he partied and everything, but she’d never seen Josh so much as smoke. It made her wonder, but she knew already no matter what, anything he said wouldn’t change her opinion of him.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 29, 2011 4:24:32 GMT -5
Nell was really good at making him think with her questions. Some people might have been relieved that they'd steered right out of the sexual question territory but Joshua really didn't mind either way. He enjoyed this game because it allowed them to get to know one another without catching the other off guard. Randomly asking questions in the middle of a conversation wasn't always the best way to go about things. "Probably not," he admitted. It might have been shocking coming from Joshua but he really didn't think that he would change what had happened. "Even a subtle shift would have changed everything." Altering one thing in your life could indeed veer the entire thing off the course it was on in the present. What would have happened to his career plans, his friendships, his relationship with Nell if the gang hadn't changed his personality in the way that it had? He didn't know. If there was an ability to mess with the past then he wanted nothing to do with it. But of course this was purely a 'what if' question for Josh, seeing as he didn't exactly believe in time-travel and warped dimensions. "That was a good sub-question," he said with a flicker of a smile. "It's good to ask the important things." Even though it didn't seem like she was really getting to know him, she was. She now knew that he was someone that wouldn't be comfortable with change or altering things that had already happened. He believed this sort of thing said a lot about a person.
Posture? It was indeed a surprising thing to notice about a person and to learn this sort of thing about Nell was intriguing to Joshua. Rather than noticing their physical appearance in terms of attractiveness, Joshua surveyed expression. He noticed if someone looked approachable or not because he knew that he could have avoided the incident with the gang if he'd realised what a shifty lot they all were. He may not have wanted to change the past but he certainly didn't want a repeat of his bad experiences in the future. "What did you think about my posture?" he had to ask, curious. Smirking, he added, "Sub-question." In terms of the way he held himself, Joshua was very proud and almost even entitled. He'd been taught by his parents to walk around like he owned the place and allow people to feel intimidated by him, respectful of him. They insisted that this was the sort of outward confidence that employers would look for. It had stuck. "Erm--when you met me in the library, I mean." He knew what his posture had probably been the night that they'd first met. Pissed drunk and stumbling. That would have told her that he was drunk but it really wouldn't have said much else. He did smile and even chuckle a little when she said that she had a stick up her butt, though, because it was always alright to be amused by silly things when you were with Nell. "We're even with the bad jokes now," he said.
It made sense for her to ask him about drugs--hell, Josh was only surprised that she hadn't inquired about this sooner. He did go to a lot of parties and seeing as he lived that lifestyle it only made sense for his girlfriend to suspect that he might have some bad habits. Unfortunately if she was expecting some sort of epic tale about how he had tried drugs and hated them, or that he still used them, she would be disappointed. Joshua shook his head. "Never." Of course, he still wasn't someone who could be considered straight-edge. The only thing he didn't do was drugs. And, well, he didn't smoke. Who wanted lung cancer on their list of potential threats for the future? Not Josh, that was for sure. "It's been offered, but it's a risk I was never willing to take. Not even with marijuana." He tended to stay away from other people if they were smoking a lot of it. It didn't bother him, he just didn't want to inhale too much of their smoke and be temped to actually pick up a joint. No, drugs were certainly not for him. Donovan had helped with that--he'd made a point of describing in detail what some of these drugs did to your brain. It had frightened the then-young Joshua enough that he wasn't confident in his desire to try any of it. It was said to be an experience all should have before college, but he was in college and he still didn't want it so, well, fuck that.
The fact that they were both up here to do important studying had quickly been forgotten by Joshua, and that was saying something. Anything that could make Josh take his mind off of books had to be pretty damned powerful. Nell was one of a few select people that could distract his attention from reading without getting her head bitten off or at least an irritated glare. Now, though, he wasn't even thinking about studying as he pondered his next question. They could always study as soon as they were done with their little game. Studying was important but even he could relax enough to understand that doing so constantly might put a strain on your nerves and stress level. Blinking as he thought of something, he finally spoke, "What's one thing you never want to try?" He figured that it was a good question because it would let him know about some sort of limit. Wanting to give some boundaries so she wasn't sifting through a giant list of things, he added, "Something that a lot of people would do, but you won't." Answering with something like 'suicide' was just taking the easy way out--no pun intended. He was talking about things like trying new foods (they had nothing to worry about there, though) or certain experiences that she might not be interested in. He gazed curiously at her as he awaited the answer, wondering what she would say about this.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 29, 2011 5:08:04 GMT -5
Nell had been eagerly anticipating his answer to her sub-question, all the while wondering how she felt about it. Would she change things, even if it made her who she was today? If she could go back, she definitely would have gotten help sooner, but how much would that change her and her life? So despite her past, she said, ”I have to agree with you. I don’t think I would change anything about my past either, either.” Because then there would be unforseen consequences with that, and she just didn’t know. Now that he’d answered the question, though, she could take her mind away from the dreaded ‘what ifs’ she tried to avoid. ”I make it a point to ask good sub-questions,” she joked. Even though the subject matter was rather serious, she was glad that they could still have fun with it. Even when discussing regrets and turning back time, they didn’t have to be all doom and gloom.
Tapping her chin, she squinted her eyes at Josh as if examining him, trying not to laugh as he corrected himself. His drunken state was definitely not what she would use for first impressions, unless he was hammered all the time. ”Stick up your butt, definitely,” she said with a sile, but then her expression turned at least somewhat serious with her real answer. ”I thought it odd that you were someone living downtown because you didn’t hold yourself like most people living in that area. You're...confident.” She couldn’t say that she knew just from him posture that he had a lot of money, but seeing him sober was quite different than how a lot of people who lived like him at the time carried themselves. It wasn’t something that she put too much thought in, though, since she was determined not to judge from appearances and first impressions. She just figured that he was pretty sure of himself, and therefore it just gave him the appearance of being confident. She guessed that was something else she was attracted to when it came to Josh. Snorting, Nell said, ”I guess we are.” Even if their jokes were absolutely terrible, they still made her laugh. And him, too, and she liked it when he laughed since it was so rare.
If Josh was surprised she hadn’t asked him the question earlier, she was surprised by the response. ”Haven’t even tried?” she asked, blinking. She couldn’t say she was unhappy with that answer. She guessed she didn’t even need to say that she didn’t have any habits to do with drugs, being pretty staight-edge. She rarely drink and when she went to parties it was as the designated. She was too responsible. And luckily she didn’t get too much slack from friends that did smoke—not everyone out there was forcing you to try bud. ”Can’t say I’m disappointed in that answer,” she joked. He drank a lot, but she didn’t think he was addicted or anything, even though that’s what alcoholism was. An addiction, just like with drugs. She was glad that her boyfriend didn’t have those problems, simply because of his health.
Playing with a strand of her hair, Nell really had to think about the question. Again. What wouldn’t she try? ”Anything that’s unhealthy, I suppose,” she admitted slowly, because she was still thinking of something specific. ”I can’t narrow it down because there are a lot of unhealthy things, but…I don’t know what I’d do if I ever got sick. I guess it means drugs and underdressing when it’s cold and stuff like that.” She was really scared of that, but at the same time she was confident that since she’d never fallen ill before she had nothing to worry about. Nell still did reckless things since she tended not to think a lot through, but if she knew something would be detrimental to her health, then she would avoid it like the plague. ”And okay, I eat fast food, but in moderation. My love of all food clashes with my love of healthiness.” She’d gotten drunk before, too, but that only ended up with a few bruises and a severe hangover—she’d learned her lesson then. She wondered if she ever told Josh about how much she worried about her health, and others’ too. It didn’t sit well with her to see someone doing something that could end up with them being sick. ”What’s your favorite memory?” she asked, sticking with the past theme. She had asked his regret, now she’d like to know something good.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 29, 2011 6:00:47 GMT -5
She managed to coax a soft laugh from his lips with her joking, though Joshua instinctively clamped a hand over his mouth and ducked his head. They were two floors up from the main one but he wouldn't put it past the librarian to pick up on it with her sharp ears. "Why thank you," he replied--this was accompanied by a roll of his eyes to show that he wasn't really offended. It wasn't as if the laugh hadn't told her that, but Joshua made a point to give people more cues to his mood if he was fond of them. "I guess I am," he said with a thoughtful frown. Of course he knew that he had confidence but Joshua thought it was amusing that other people could see this. Parental lessons about posture had been drilled into him at a young age and he barely even remembered them now. He had a natural aura of self-respect to the way he moved and his height added in to the fact that this sometimes made him intimidating. The intimidation factor had usually been lost on those he was polite to, but now with the scar on his face people were almost immediately wary. It was like wearing a sign around your neck to tell other people that you were bad news. "I had only been living downtown for a few months when I met you. I suppose they didn't have enough time to rub off on me." Not that he would have let them even if he'd lived there for years. Joshua was stubborn and independent--the actions of others took a hell of a lot of influence before they'd even start to change him.
He seemed a tad sheepish at Nell's surprise, hoping that she didn't think he was pathetic because he'd never had that sort of experience. "Not once." Feeling almost as if he had to justify himself and explain why he was so averse toward these things, he said, "They're just not my thing, really. It's not like I was scared." His defensiveness was almost amusing when you considered that this was what he got defensive of. He'd told her about his sex life, he'd told her about his virginity, but when it came to drugs and the fact that he was never planning to try them then he got a little awkward. Merely because he was anticipating a reaction much like most other people who he told--"You don't do drugs, Dale? That's lame." At parties it seemed like practically everyone did them and it was a good thing that he wasn't easily influenced by other people or he probably would have caved long ago. Then Nell said that she wasn't disappointed and this relaxed him slightly. He didn't smile--too much smiling and his face started to hurt--but he did seem a little less wary. "Good. I was worried there for a moment." If Nell had been into drugs, would Joshua finally have been convinced to give in if only to make himself look like less of a straight-edged loser? No, definitely not. Even though they were a couple they were separate people and he was glad of that. She made it easier for him to talk to people but she did not make him want to talk to people. There was a difference, there was always a difference.
Her answer was a little unexpected. He thought she would tell him something about never visiting a certain place or indulging in a certain activity, but as it turned out Nell was afraid--was that the right word?--of getting sick. Then she mentioned undressing in the cold and Joshua's thoughts were exactly the opposite of cold for a moment. Stop that. Jesus fuck. He really needed to get a handle on this. He was able to ignore it a little easier this time, though, because he focused himself on continuing to listen to her and formulating an answer in his mind. An answer, mind you, that was much safer than where his thoughts had originally went. "I'm sure most people eat fast food every once and a while," he mused, thinking of Wendy's and Dairy Queen in particular. A lot of his good memories recently related to Nell and the silly sorts of fun that they'd had trolling around malls. He tried not to think of the reason they'd been brought together that day and instead did his best to count on the optimism. That had also been the first time he'd kissed her. His thoughts surprisingly didn't go too far downhill after that. "If you ever do get sick," he said, "you know who to call." He winked, but he was only half kidding. His father was a doctor after all so Joshua didn't really worry about illnesses too much, knowing that the man wouldn't let it go on for too long before he found something that could take the edge off of it.
He had a lot of favourite memories, really. Though he was somewhat grim in the sense that he had a lot of things bad going on or a lot of things that he did regret, Joshua did have happy points in his life to think about. Whilst the regret had nothing to do with Nell, he felt a little sheepish as he realised that his favourite memory most definitely did. He didn't want to sound too cheesy but how could he help that? Getting his new car and moments with his sister were definitely happy memories and all, but the happiest were with Nell. Her cheerful demeanour was just infectious, he supposed. "Not to inflate your ego," he said with a cheeky grin, "but I'd say that day with you at my house could definitely top the list." There had been a lot of kissing and laughing and just general good times going on, and they had managed to thwart Patrick with their trolling ways. And then there'd been afterwards when he'd taken Harper out for a spin and even allowed Nell to take the wheel for a bit so that she could fangirl from the front-seat for a change. That day was the highlight, really. "Right," he said, "now for my turn." After the grin had faded he was no longer smiling but he was sure that Nell could tell he was far from upset. "This might be a bit too personal," he warned, "but... why don't you get along with your father? Is there any specific reason?"
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 29, 2011 14:15:58 GMT -5
Apparently Josh wanted to defend himself from anything Nell might be thinking by saying he wasn’t scared or anything. ”I believe you,” she said. ”I’m not going to preach and say that they’re the worst thing to ever happen, but it’s good to avoid them.” They’re not healthy, and therefore Nell’s not interested. It was something she didn’t need to be involved with. Her aunt was appaerently involved in drug trafficking, but it wasn’t like anyone was doing something about it even if they do know. Not even her grandfather. In any case, she definitely did not need to be involved in anything more illegal, and she was glad Josh didn’t want to be, either. He already manages to get into trouble a lot, she didn’t think that drugs would help with that. She wondered for a moment what she would have done if he had told her that he did do drugs. There would be the overwhelming desire to tell him to stop before he kills himself, but as usual she would hate to get too involved. Even with her boyfriend.
Oblivious to any other thoughts Josh may be having, Nell nodded at his reply. ”I guess as long as you don't eat it for every meal, it doesn’t hurt,” she remarked. It wasn’t like she was addicted to Burger King or anything so she didn’t eat it all the time. It was just that for her, one meal equals four meals of a person with a normal appetite. And thanks to watching Supersize Me, there was even more paranoia about how unhealthy it is, despite the fact that she didn’t eat it every day for months. Nell laughed as he said that she could call him if she ever did get sick, and shook her head. ”Well, I hope you’re not expecting phone calls any time soon, Joshua Dale, MD,” she said. ”Because I’ll never get sick.” It may have sounded like pure stubborness, but she was convinced that she had a near-perfect immune system. Or at least she’d hope. She just didn’t want to think about the fact that she may not be as healthy as she’d like to think. I don’t want to get sick like her. Even the thought of a common cold was enough to unsettle her stomach.
Nell was pleasantly surprised that she was a part of his happiest memory. It was a good feeling to have, knowing that she was important in his life. She was glad she could be part of his happiest memory, because what made her the most happy was other people being happy. Especially Josh. It was actually quite touching, but she was determined not to go Hallmark channel on him. ”Not to inflate your ego, but the same goes for me. It was a great day.” She didn't add that any memory with him were some of the happiest for her, because that was definitely straying into Hallmark territory. "I guess we can share our happiest memory, huh." Prior to moving to Canada, she didn’t have a lot to brag about in terms of happy memories. Most of them involved Tilly and discovering her powers, but even then there was the ever-present fear and sadness in her life. And even now when she was still living in fear, she could forget about that when hanging out with Josh. She didn’t think about her father, or the trial, or anything that usually occupied her mind unless she managed to distract herself. So she believed that the day at his house was also at the top of her list. If that was the case, they could have a shared favorite memory.
Josh’s next question didn’t surprise her too much, but it was still strange to consider that he would be curious about that. It made her stomach twist a bit to think of the man, but she forced herself not to actually get angry. Holding up a hand and waving it, she reassured, ”No, it’s fine. There is a specific reason.” It was surprising even to her how privvy to information about her personal life he was, when no else knew anything about her parents. But she didn’t mind, and even laughed sardonically before going on. ”He walked out on the family about eleven years ago, and he recently got back in touch with me. There’s a lot of…bitterness on my end. Especially since he’s trying very hard to come back into my life.” She finished speaking with a resigned sigh. She wasn’t going to unload all the problems she had with her father onto Josh and tell him how bad things got after León abandoned her. Then, smiling, she said, ”I don’t want you to think that me being angry at him all the time is because I’m just a brat.” After all, she’d gone off on a tangent in Timmies when Josh had brought the man up. With it being her question again, she asked, ”This may be too personal as well, but…why’d you get involved with a gang?”
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 29, 2011 14:56:25 GMT -5
Joshua arched an eyebrow at her exclamation. Never get sick? Chuckling, Josh replied, "Don't be silly, everyone gets sick!" He didn't realise that this was a deep-seated psychological fear of Nell's. If he had, he probably wouldn't have been so light-hearted about it. On top of that, it had given him a strange feeling in his chest when she'd jokingly used his name as if he was an actual doctor. Cheesy as it was, Josh liked the sound of that. It wasn't like he didn't stare at applications for medical school with an intense longing or anything. He really wanted this and so even in a joking sense the words inspired an odd feeling. "Do you--sub-question I suppose--get sick at all?" He was curious, now, considering the way that she'd phrased that. Never get sick, not never be sick again. He almost envied someone with an immune system like that; perhaps she was just careful? He had a good immune system and a doctor for a father but not even Joshua was completely safe from illness. He'd avoided contracting diseases, though, which he supposed was something. He wondered if Nell was cautious about getting the latest shots and vaccinations but he really didn't want to bore her by going off on a tangent about medical things. Just because he'd grown up hearing about this kind of thing didn't mean that other people wanted to share in the worries. He was a little paranoid--both of making sure he had the shots and of getting them thanks to the fact that he feared needles. It was an unfortunate situation to be in.
He listened in a sombre sort of silence as Nell insisted that his question had been alright. It was still strange sometimes, being at a point in their relationship where they could be open with one another. He liked this, though. Finally he was getting to know more about the girl and her life. These things were important for couples, right? Certainly if she had any questions about his parents then he really wouldn't mind replying. "Walked out on you?" he repeated, sounding a little irate. He hated even the idea of it. What sort of asshole father would just ditch their kids? Actually, Patrick would have been better off leaving us. But he didn't say this aloud because Nell's experiences were obviously different than his own. He was sympathetic to this and now understood why she might be so bitter. "That's terrible." He didn't add the 'I'm sorry', but one could see it in his expression. His brows furrowed when she said she didn't want him to think her a brat--when had he ever suggested anything like that? "I don't think you're a brat," Josh protested. "Never did, even before you told me this." Just as Nell could see very little bad in him, Joshua could barely stand the thought of seeing her as less than what she was. Not less than perfect--no one was perfect, not even if you loved them. That didn't mean he felt any less for her, only that he was honest with himself. He had flaws, Nell had flaws--but brattiness was not one of the latter's. "Things do make more sense now, though."
Joshua shook his head. "It's not. I said you could ask anything." The statement was simple and to the point. He'd truly committed himself to this game and the honest answering of questions thus far. He supposed he might hesitate if Nell strayed into a territory that even Joshua couldn't handle, but they weren't yet at that point. Still, the question about gangs remarkably made him even more uncomfortable than her questions about his sex life had. At least with the latter he knew that having a sex life was normal and the vast majority of people would have such experiences in their lifetime. Gangs... not so much. It had taken him a lot to admit that he'd been personally involved in a gang and it was going to take even more for him to admit why he'd done it. But he would, for this was Nell and--as he'd been telling himself--she deserved to know. "I was young," he started, "young and stupid and without any real friends to rely on." Joshua wasn't trying to host a pity-party because he'd been that quiet dork at the back of the class, he was just providing insight into why he'd been so vulnerable. "I--I argued with my father and I ran away from home. I guess I thought it would help." A mild shrug that feigned disinterest. He looked down at his hands for a moment, chickening out, but then he gave himself a mental kick and glanced back at her again. A soft chuckle brushed past his lips "Sorry, I've never really spoken about it before."
He didn't want to admit that he'd been a stupid kid when it came to his decision-making, but what other choice did he have? Not that Nell was forcing him or anything, he just couldn't see a way around the explanation without this vital information. "They were older than me, they were acting pretty tough. I had no idea who they were and yet they treated me like I had balls for running away like I did." Another laugh, this one bitter, was accompanied by a shake of his head. What an idiot I was back then. How easily he had bought their lies and their manipulations! He could try and pass it off as the fact that he was young and that he had no idea of the evils in the world, but that was cheating. He'd known of them, he'd just been so desperate for companionship that he'd put them out of his mind. "They introduced me to the rest of the--" He was about to say "the guys, but that didn't sound right to him any more. He shouldn't speak of them like friends. "--the gang, and I guess that was it. I got involved because I finally felt like I belonged somewhere so I--I did anything they asked me to." This time he couldn't bear to look at her as he admitted cowardice and desperation, so he glanced down again. The scar on his palm didn't help. It was a constant reminder of how much of a mistake that had been. "I had my doubts eventually, but I didn't have a choice when it came to leaving. I figured out what happens when you try to leave." He left it at that. She wasn't an idiot, she surely could figure out what he meant. It felt strange going back to the game after admitting something so personal, but he still managed to ask, "What's the stupidest mistake that you've made?" It was relevant to the thing she'd just asked him. "This is my last, by the way... you've got the final question."
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 29, 2011 15:48:08 GMT -5
Nell was happy to disagree with his statement and use the miracle that is her immune system to back her up. ”Everyone who isn’t me,” she said, arms crossed and expression pretty cocky. As for his sub-question, that was pretty easy. ”I’ve never gotten sick before in my life,” she said honestly. ”Not even chicken pox when I was younger. I just…don’t get sick.” She didn’t know whether he’d believe her or not. But it made sense for her—she didn’t have much human contact, nothing to spread disease with. She was born the healthier of two twins. Even though she ate like a garbage disposal, she still made sure to choose healthy things. In all, she made an honest to stay healthy because the prospect of getting sick terrified her. If she got sick once, that means she could get sick again, and she didn’t want that to happen. It might have been ridiculous to someone like Josh with all his medical knowledge, but she thought that if she got sick, it would be her first step toward a lifetime of illness and a horrible death. That is exactly why she didn’t want to think about it.
When Josh repeated the words, she nodded and said, ”A part of me doesn’t blame him, with what he had to deal with.” That was the forgiving part, a very, very small part when it came to her father. It was the part that understood their home life had been far from perfect and understood that Mia was a terrifying woman. But wasn’t an excuse to leave. Nell wasn’t made at him for leaving her—she was mad at him for leaving Tilly. She was fine without a father, she didn’t need him like her twin did. And he just left out of the blue and helped with the final nail in her mother’s coffin. ”It happens to a lot of families, but yeah…it was a cowardly thing to do. And I don't see us ever getting along.” That was mainly how she viewed him as, a coward who couldn’t face his problems and thought it better to run away. It made her wonder why he thought she’d accept someone like him back into her life to help her. She smiled softly. ”Thanks. It’s good to know that I don’t come off as a brat.” Even though she’s draining her father’s bank account out of bitterness, which she still refused to tell Josh. ”I wish I could have told you before so you knew exactly why I hate his guts. But, uh…I haven’t even told any of my friends that he’s back.” She didn’t tell her friends a lot of things, actually. Only Josh. He was really the only one she felt she could trust with information like this about her personal life.
He reminded her that she could ask him anything, and she chuckled a bit. She still felt like she may be prying a bit too much when it came to questions. Maybe if it was anyone else she wouldn’t have felt as intrusive, but Josh was a secretive person. Nell believed that one question she asked might be met with a glare and a refusal to answer. When Josh started to explain, she was about to ask how old he was but stopped to let him continue. He seemed to be having a hard enough time with it, and she didn’t think her interruptions would help with that. She simply nodded as if she could understand, but she really didn’t because she hadn’t gone through it herself. Nell didn’t know what it was like, but she also wasn’t going to pretend like she didn’t care about what he was saying just because she didn’t know what it was like herself. ”Take your time,” she told him quietly when he apologized. When he went on, she waited a bit until she said, ”I’m not going to pretend like I know exactly how you felt and what it was like or anything, but…I can see how that would be appealing, when you’re so young and lost.” It didn’t make his decision any better, but at least he knew that she wasn’t going to think he was some kind of moron easily influenced by those around him. He just wanted to belong to something, he just made the wrong choice in what that something was. Then Josh brought up what happens when you try to leave a gang, and her stomach really hurt. She didn’t want to think about that. ”I guess everyone feels like you did…except everyone chooses different paths.” She was trying to make him feel better since he wasn’t even looking at her, but she didn’t know exactly how to phrase what she was feeling without coming off as insincere, even though she was always genuine.
Her stupidest mistake? The smile dropped from her face as she remembered a lot of things she’d done that she really wish she hadn’t. She still blamed herself for her father’s abandonment, and her mother’s abuse, and she wished she hadn’t done what she had to bring about those things. But the stupidest one? ”I think it would be…what I did to my mother.” She didn’t want to say the words ‘kill’ or ‘murder’, and even as she spoke vaguely her voice was a quiet, almost-whisper. ”In that moment, I didn’t think there was anything else I could do, but I wish I could have found some way around it. I wasn’t thinking about consequences or anything and I definitely didn’t want her to die…” Even after all that Mia did to her, she still wished that maybe the woman could have gotten help. Maybe have been put away. Anything other than what had actually happened. ”I think…” She stopped, her eyes knitting together. How could she explain exactly how she felt about all this when she didn’t even know herself? She was trying her best not to think about that night and everything that came before it so she wouldn’t have to confront these complicated emotions. So she didn’t, even as she explained to Josh now. She hated talking about the fact she was a murderer, especially to Josh. What if she said something that disturbed him and made him want to leave? ”So it was either that…or the fact that I even ran away that night. They were stupid things to do.” There was also the fact that she ran away more than once but always came back. But she couldn’t really count that as a mistake because nothing bad happened. She forced herself to brush off any more of these thoughts because they were starting to pull her down, and instead fixed a smile back on her face. It came rather easy, since she was good at the whole façade thing. ”It’s the grand finale,” she announced, tapping her nails against her chin as if thinking of what she was going to say next. The question she had in mind might make this situation even more awkward, but she wanted to ask mainly to see how he would react to it. She lifted her eyebrows as she asked, ”Do you want to sleep with me?”
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