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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Feb 11, 2013 19:30:13 GMT -5
She didn't know if he really believed what she was saying -- past experience would tell her no -- but she was glad that he seemed to be relenting at least a little, at least letting her go on. She didn't want an argument -- never wanted an argument, actually, but this was certainly a more sensitive case than many others. "I do say so," she said, relieved that he wasn't fighting back anymore. She took a deep breath, sniffling a little bit as she did so, but she ignored that. There were much more important things on hand. She rubbed her thumb against the back of the hand she was holding, over and over. Please feel better. She didn't say it out loud because she knew that it would have been useless, but she hoped that he could somehow feel it and be okay.
The question threw her off a little but she didn't move away from him, just stayed silent for a moment as she thought about it. There was never any rhyme or reason, she realized when she wasn't able to formulate any kind of proper answer. If doing this was being good to Devin, then she did it because she cared about him. She didn't know why that was -- he was just, by far, one of the most incredible people she knew. Sandra loved him. "I just want everything to be good for you all the time and I care about you and... and..." She wasn't able to continue but she held onto him tightly as ever. "And -- and because you deserve it. For so many reasons." She wouldn't be able to sit there all day and tell him everything there was in detail, but she knew it was all the little things all at once.
Sandra imagined Devin having a panic attack on this scale on his own, and she nodded slowly, not liking the idea at all. Her fingers gripped his shirt a little bit, not intentionally at all. "Anytime you need," she whispered, because it had been pure chance that she'd been here this time, but she'd drop everything if he needed her for any reason, at any time. Something like this was definitely enough to make her do that, but she was in a way glad that she had been here somehow. Knowing that it might have actually made his panic attack worse would have made her feel awful. "Anytime at all. O-o-or if... If..." She couldn't think of the words and eventually she just shook her head. It was no use right now -- she couldn't articulate at all and she'd said so much in the past little bit, she didn't even think she'd be able to handle more if she could think of the words. "Sorry," she said finally -- the first time an apology had left her since they'd left the restaurant, but she'd thought Devin had done enough apologizing for both of them.
The backseat wasn't the most spacious of places but she didn't mind as long as he didn't. She smiled, eyes still closed, when she felt his fingers in her hair, on her face. Her hand on his chest rose and fell with his breaths, and she inhaled and exhaled deeply when she heard his sigh after a moment. "Liar," she barely breathed out, referring to the last part of his statement rather than the beginning -- she was generally able to take compliments without a problem, but the last part was just distinctly untrue. "You deserve the best of everything." If that ended up being her then she was happy in that knowledge, but there was no good thing in the world that he didn't deserve. She just wished that he hadn't had so much bad in his life, too. His hand felt comfortable on her waist and she shifted closer, her hand moving from his chest to slide over his body. Sandra needed this closeness.
Her eyes still closed, she just felt the kiss, but returned it more than happily. When they separated she finally let her eyes open, smiling a bit at first, then giggling softly, just a little. She pressed the foreheads together and then withdrew. This had come out of nowhere but then again, almost everything she did came out of nowhere -- maybe a little bit of laughter was good after something like that. She cupped the side of his face with her hand. "Did you know you have the prettiest eyes?" she asked very seriously, thumb gently tracing the shape of it just under his eyelid. "I'm jealous." She wasn't, though, because it just meant she got to look at those eyes all the time -- like right now. She sighed, suddenly very content with everything -- alright, not everything, but at least with these few moments laying with him. "I think," she mumbled, rubbing their noses together for a moment before continuing, "I think I have a problem." She couldn't help it anymore. Things were always like this after she cried -- when it was something this bad, apparently this was what happened. She just wanted to lie there and cuddle with him and be happy -- though the genuine happiness part would probably take a while.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Feb 11, 2013 23:15:33 GMT -5
To some degree, Devin didn't think she would answer the question too seriously; it was not even something he expected to put out into the open so he would not have been offended if Sandra didn't offer up a response. When she did, he stopped his train of thought long enough to listen in and try to comprehend what she was saying despite how blurred everything felt. His mind felt so numb. Still, a smile graced his lips, though it was pained. "I care about you too," He replied, keeping his responses simple so he didn't have to battle more emotions that he knew he couldn't handle at the moment. It was nice to know that she wished him good things, though. She was one of those good things and he cherished her every day, even if he didn't say so to her face. "If you say so...I never really felt like I deserved a lot of good things." Mostly because Lauren was hell bent on ruining him, it seemed, and her harsh words broke through the exterior. It was because of that, that Devin felt like he fell short for his girlfriend too. The episodes of insecurity came and went, some worse than others. This was probably the worst so far.
Still, hearing her words was reassuring. He trusted her to be there. He trusted that she would be by his side through thick and thin, as she had been up until this point without even speaking of walking away. He admired her so much. The times he felt so broken and unworthy were the times Sandra managed to help mend things little by little. Tiny insecurities vanished, others were at least alleviated, and damn, he just loved her for everything she was. A small smile broke past the tears on his face, then faded when she apologized. "There's no need to say sorry, not at all." Apologizing for being the support he needed? No, that was not even remotely necessary. It was uplifting. "Thank you. For everything." Everything encompassed literally that. Everything. There were simply too many things to list and his breath hitched in his throat a bit much for his liking. It would take far too long. Instead he stuck with enjoying her closeness when she did lay next to him, taking in the warmth and her voice and the smell of her hair. It was calming. He blinked but didn't answer, again not willing to dispute anything at that point. The energy expelled from the past several minutes left him tired and his mind was not capable of much of anything.
"As do you. You deserve everything good in the world. And...I'm glad you think I'm good enough for you." Hell, that made him feel incredible, to think someone like Sandra thought he was what she needed and wanted. His heart felt warm, chest unwinding a little quicker now. He fought inhaling again as she touched him, hand sliding up her side a little in response. A subconscious effort to make sure that she was close and he returned the affection, kiss included when the girl responded. Her giggle made him smile a little more; when she pulled away from him he pressed his lips to her forehead. Her comment did send Devin into a brief second of silence before huffing in amusement. "I'm glad you think so." Sandra really was the sweetest and made him so happy. He was glad that his mind could focus on just her now. "You have gorgeous eyes, too. Don't be jealous." The smile was less forced this time as he spoke, voice quiet but not caked in tears.
She sighed and he closed his eyes again at the sound, but not for long. He gripped her side as she rubbed her nose against his, shoving back his urge to kiss her again. "And what problem would that be?" Devin asked gently. He released his grip and shifted from her side to her back. He was smiling and a very faint chuckle passed his lips. "I don't see any problem."
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Feb 12, 2013 1:08:51 GMT -5
Sandra tried to consider all the things that Devin must have been told in his life to get him to this today -- most of the time, on a daily basis really, he was so happy and cheerful and with a smile on his face, so far as she had seen. The insecurities were a little deeper than surface level -- she'd generally been able to spot the smaller ones before, but it was moments like these that baffled her because it got so bad and, really, she didn't see any reason for him to feel that way at all. "But you do, all the time," she told him. "Everything you do, every day... If there's anyone who deserves these things, it's you." Sandra could think of few people as selfless and sweet to everyone as Devin. She gave him a watery smile, releasing a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding with her tears, when he said that she didn't need to say sorry. "Okay," she said, her voice almost a whisper. She just nodded slowly at his next words. "Thank you too. For everything." She couldn't think of anything that she could say to elaborate on that, to change his words at all. There was nothing specific to say. It was just everything all at once.
She didn't know what everything good in the world included, but she was happy that thus far it had included Devin. "You have no idea," she told him after a moment. He always said things like this and, every single time, she refuted the fact. Perhaps it would have been different if he were fishing for attention or something, but Devin wasn't the type. In fact, he was sort of the opposite, and that was exactly why she always tried to remind him. "You're more than good enough, you're just..." She trailed off for a second, trying to think of the right words. None came to mind except the one that she already had. She kissed him again, just a quick peck, before saying softly, "Perfect." He was. There was never just a "good enough" -- she was really, honestly, genuinely happy in their relationship, and she hoepd he knew that. She breathed in and out deeply, a few times, before her breath really steadied, and she leaned fully against him when it finally did.
Her eyes fell closed again when he kissed her forehead, but she opened them again to look at him. He really did have the bluest eyes. Her smile was lazy and comfortable as she looked at him. His initial silence was disconcerting but he seemed more amused than anything after a second, and it made her giggle again. "Mm, but I am jealous," she told him, joking, but her voice was probably too quiet to actually be able to hear it -- it was there, however. Sandra didn't bother pretending to be serious. "But thank you." She loved the smile on his face and it made her legitimately grin if only just for a brief second, before she settled back into her look of contentment. Her fingers traced the shape of his lips gently this time as he smiled. "And the prettiest smile, too. Just wonderful," she murmured absently. There were so many more wonderful things about Devin, none of which had to really do with his actual physical appearance (although okay, her boyfriend was one attractive dude) -- but they were more difficult to name and state and explain. Sandra's mind was too sluggish for that right now. She giggled again when he asked about the problem. "No? Then I guess there's no problem after all." Now she was just being silly and she knew it but he looked happy and amused -- or at least content enough and slowly getting there -- and Sandra really couldn't argue with that. "Liking my boyfriend too much isn't a problem, right? Because that might be it." She didn't think it was a problem at all, nor did she really consider the possibility of a "too much" in this situation.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Feb 13, 2013 15:49:56 GMT -5
"If your mother could see you now, she'd be ashamed," Was probably the worst thing he heard Lauren say, a low blow that he had a hard time bouncing back from after it passed her lips and floated in the air between them. It was vicious and cruel to use his mother in any situation. Lauren didn't know her, and never would. There were other comments that mocked his abilities with school, friends, and relationships. One of the reasons he did what he did before finding someone who gave him a reason to walk away from it all. Autumn nearly drove him away from finding happiness in one person entirely, Lauren's words ringing true in his ear, but he went for it anyway. Best decision of his life. "I...I believe you," He said at last, thinking on the words for a few minutes. Did he deserve good things? Yes. Yes he did. Everyone deserved something good and he found Sandra. She was better than good. If she felt he was worthy of finding happiness in life, then maybe it was true. "You're welcome. You don't deserve anything less than everything."
No, Devin really didn't have much of an idea. All he knew was that Sandra's smile was beautiful; he never focused on the fact that maybe that smile was sometimes because of him. Same with any of the other responses she offered him throughout their relationship, such as the giggling, the blushing, and anything else that he couldn't remember right off the bat. He hung on her words, waiting for her to finish her sentence before she gave him another kiss. Really, Sandra knew how to stall all mental functions without even trying. "You're perfect for me too," He replied quietly. As much as he wanted to argue with her, Devin was slowly learning that it wouldn't go anywhere. It would be a back and forth with neither person giving in and to be honest he would much rather focus on her presence than anything else.
It was good to see her smile. The tears were now dried on his face, a bit of a discomfort but not much more as he smiled back. He was just glad to be pushing past the initial panic attack and all of the emotions that rained down on him when he first put his head against the steering wheel. Most of it felt so far away now, his mind trying to recover. He didn't even hear her first comment, and hardly caught onto the second. "You're welcome," He said, voice as quiet as hers. The silence was nice. His heart skipped a beat as her fingers traced his lips, closing his eyes briefly. "Mmm, If you say so," Devin moved his hand back up to her face, tracing her jawline and neck with a gentle touch. His fingers barely pressed against her skin. "You're just...beautiful. All of you is beautiful." His thumb brushed under her lower lip. Coming down from his emotional high left him in an affectionate state, but luckily she seemed to feel the same. He did have to shove his hormones back but that wasn't exactly abnormal. "Nope, no problem what-so-ever." He chuckled; it wasn't forced and it was easier than before. Sandra managed to help him calm down. "I don't think that's a problem, no. I mean if it is then I guess liking my girlfriend too much would be a problem too...and I don't think it is." He felt a wave of sleepiness but shoved it away; they couldn't stay in the parking lot all night and sleeping in the back seat wouldn't be comfortable anyway. Matt probably wouldn't be happy either. "Ughh...I should drive us home, but I'm comfortable." Still, he'd have to get up sooner or later and make the trek back to the Hollow.
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Feb 13, 2013 19:58:05 GMT -5
She couldn't even explain how relieved she was to hear that he believed her. That was so rare -- especially at the beginning, so many of her compliments and general positive words in general had come bouncing back but never, she didn't think, really believed. Was he being honest when he said it this time? She looked at him and decided that the answer was yes, but she didn't ask out loud. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear that." It was one of her first coherent sentences in a while but she really did mean it and all the sentiments behind it. His self esteem wasn't the highest. "I just... I have everything I could want." Most people had all the things they needed, but there was always more to life than that. Sandra had the occasional distractions too, the moments of "oh man, I would love to have that" -- but overall, she was very content with her life, with the things she did and her relationships with her friends and her family and her boyfriend and... everyone, really.
That was the thing, Sandra figured -- perfect was such a funny word because there was just no such thing and she knew that, but sometimes it felt right. Wasn't that good enough? For once she didn't know what to say to him so she just nodded -- slowly, since they were so close together. She wanted to cry for a different reason this time, but she was far too emotionally spent to actually do it over something like this, and instead she just gave him a small smile. "I'm really happy, you know." She couldn't say that she was happy right at that moment, but overall, she was so very, very happy. Devin was a pretty big part in making that happiness up, actually. She just stayed quiet for a long moment, her finger absently tracing random shapes against his skin, before she kissed him again for no reason at all, out of the blue. This time she lingered before pulling away. The tiniest of smiles was on her lips but it showed more in the rest of her face. Why the affection? She didn't know either. Were they always like this? She was actually fairly positive that they were, but somehow it was even more today. The emotions caused that somehow.
She smiled a little more when his eyes closed for just a moment. "I do say so." The words were quiet but very, very sure. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as his fingers moved to her jaw and her neck; her fingers curled a little bit against him. For a moment she couldn't answer and she just stared at him a little, the expression on her face just purely affectionate. "So are you," she finally said, breathg in and out slowly through her mouth. She just wanted to kiss him again. "The most beautiful person in the world." She vaguely remembered their argument about this once before, but she didn't want to argue this time at all, and after a moment, her fingers still gently resting on his lips, she added softly, "To me, anyway." His chuckle made her smile as she nodded, again giggling a little. She toyed absently with his hair. "No, I don't think that's a problem at all. Nope." It would make her really sad if that was considered a serious problem -- she liked the sweetness and warmth and how Devin made her feel, all the time.
Sandra sighed a little bit when he mentioned driving home. That was probably a good idea, yes. Even so, she wasn't up for moving right at that moment. She wondered dimly how long it had been since they'd left the restaurant and reentered the car -- it was dark at this point and she'd lost track of time easily between the long, emotional moments and their cuddling in the backseat. "I guess so, yeah," she said after a moment, pouting a little bit for a fraction of a second, but not at him. They really should head home soon. Her hand moved to rest on his cheek yet again. "Do you want to come over? Matthew's not home, I can make dinner..." They still hadn't eaten and she wanted to make sure he did wind up having something for dinner tonight. She gave him a small smile. "Unless you'd rather go like, home home." She wouldn't mind, of course, but she never turned down more time spent with her boyfriend. Even with this discussion, though, she didn't move, instead just moved closer and leaned her forehead against his again. "Ugh... I'm comfortable too..." She would get up when he decided that it was time to. For now... she stayed.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Feb 15, 2013 23:50:10 GMT -5
Throughout this time, it never crossed his mind that perhaps his insecurities led her to feel that maybe he didn't believe the complements and uplifting comments she gave him. It had nothing to do with not trusting her, more that he was having difficulty getting past his own thoughts on self worth. If he knew that she had felt that relieved he might have felt even worse, attempting to reassure her that it was his fault and not hers. He smiled at her when she expressed happiness, then swallowed shortly after. "That's good, I'm glad. I have everything I could ever want, too." With Sandra, and his aunt, and sister, and his closest friends. He had a roof over his head, food, a good school, and a means to get where he needed to go. Life was good. Much better than it used to be. Thinking on that helped him to relax a little, though not by much. The adrenaline was still trying to ebb away on its own. The smile on his face appeared of its own accord.
"Good, I'm really happy too." Her touch made his skin tingle, muscles twitching on occasion when she made contact. It was soothing but hormonally maddening at the same time, and it didn't help when she kissed him the way she did. Devin returned it easily. As soon as his fingers moved to the skin on her waist, however, he curled his fingers back. He didn't allow the kiss to break until she pulled away though, and didn't show the hesitance on his face when he smiled back at her. God, she was beautiful. But damn hormones. It didn't help that they were both on an emotional high and their affection seemed to be more prominent because of it. They were naturally cuddly people it seemed but this had a bit more...cuddly-ness than usual. "Sorry..." He apologized quietly, not even sure if she would catch on. "I just really like it when you kiss me like that." And that was the truth.
He watched quietly as she closed her eyes to his touch, the smile still present, though a bit smaller than before. More thoughtful and loving than anything. The curling of her fingers against him did not go unnoticed and he continued to trace lines over her skin before drawing her chin towards him to give her yet another kiss. Devin simply couldn't help himself. He used that to avoid disputing her words because he knew how that went last time. If she thought he was a beautiful person, then so be it. He was far too focused on her presence at the moment to even feel the urge to say much. He just listened to voice, hummed a little in agreement, and found himself staring at her lovingly while continuing to touch her skin and play with her hair, just as she was doing to him.
Her sigh elicited a frown of his own; for whatever reason, this was really comfortable and he was not up for going anywhere right now. What would the people parked next to him think? They weren't doing anything questionable really but they might not know that. Oh well. He wasn't too bothered. "...is it weird that I'm not hungry?" Devin asked, offering a tiny but sheepish chuckle. The emotional up and down had his stomach in a knot. A considerably smaller knot than before but his mind was not focused on eating. "But we can go to your house, sure. I'm not ready to go home home yet. I'll give that a couple more hours at least." The main reason for that being that his aunt would be home, and he was not interested in explaining anything to her should she question why his eyes were puffy or why he was home considerably earlier than planned. Sighing quietly, though content where he was, the boy gave her another kiss before sitting up a little. "You ready to go now? Or do you wanna lay here a while longer? I'm okay with either."
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Feb 18, 2013 2:35:49 GMT -5
She wasn't even totally conscious of what she was doing, just that her fingers were moving and brushing against his skin, and she liked it. The kiss was random and instinctive but his response was even more incentive to hold onto it, and she held onto him all the more tightly when she felt his fingers curl against her bare waist. It made her want to be closer somehow -- as if being pressed against him in the backseat of his car wasn't close enough, but she just felt like there was more than that. The emotions were playing around with her, though, and she craved the affection. It left her a little out of breath when they parted but she just smiled, a little dazed. Wow. She blinked slowly, then shook her head just a little bit when he spoke. "No, don't be sorry," she managed. She wasn't sure exactly what he was apologizing for -- okay, she kind of could guess, but her mind was kind of wonderfully blank at the moment -- but she knew enough to be able to refuse this.
"That's not... I mean..." Her inability to talk was just like before, but this was for a very different reason. Instead of making herself say something straight away, she slid her hand over to sit gently on his neck, thumb brushing against his collarbone. "I like it too," she said finally, her voice quiet. That was most definitely true. Sandra bit her lip briefly, wanting to say more, but there really wasn't a lot that she could think to say. She just couldn't even keep her hands off of him rihgt now -- it was part of that closeness again. In turn, the brushing of his fingers against her skin was incredible and his kiss very much welcomed. Her fingers, curled still, straightened out again so that she could pull him closer to her yet. "Yeah," she whispered after they separated this time -- if it was really called separating when she stuck to him as close as possible even so. "Definitely like it a lot. I just hope you do as much, actually." Sandra smiled but let her whispering fade away into comfortable silence as she laid there with him. She felt kind of exhausted, to be perfectly honest, but at this point it was far too comfortable, and in the strange sense that she wanted to be awake for these precious moments. Their mutual meltdown earlier had really messed her up, but she wouldn't complain about it now.
She frowned at him when he said he wasn't hungry. "Very weird," she said, though she was smiling a little, far too worn out to bother putting up an act even just as a joke. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Devin?" She nudged her forehead gently against his and squeezed his shoulder, however, to let him know that she was just teasing -- as if it hadn't been obvious before. "No, I understand," she murmured, more seriously this time, but she smiled when he chuckled. Truthfully she wasn't very hungry either, and she didn't like the idea of his skipping meals, but this time it was understandable and she conceded with a slow nod. If something changed they could worry about that later tonight. "Okay. It'll just be us, so we can just... relax." They'd probably end up just doing the same thing as they were now, anyway, but the apartment was much more comfortable than the back of a car. "As long as Aunt Judith doesn't get worried." She didn't want that to happen at all, but she figured that Devin's aunt would just think they were still out at dinner or something.
Her thoughts were cut off by his kiss (not that she was complaining) and then she smiled a little even as she sighed in response. There was a lot of sighing on both their parts -- it was very comfortable where they were right now. She sat up slowly, sliding her legs off to the side so that she was in a proper-ish sitting position, but didn't move just yet, instead wrapped an arm around his waist for the time being and kissed his cheek. "We can go whenever you're ready." She might have been more reluctant to go if it would mean the end of their time just being ridiculously affectionate, but fortunately that wasn't the case. After a bit, however, after finally managing to disentangle herself from her boyfriend (a more difficult task than people would have guessed, maybe), Sandra was once again in the front passenger's seat. She looked over at Devin and reached over to give his hand a quick squeeze before they actually took off. Home time.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Feb 23, 2013 13:40:56 GMT -5
He smiled softly at her as she tried to manage speaking, also feeling relieved that the apology was not needed. He still felt bad; the fact he had told her that going further in the relationship was to be on her terms made this moment very difficult, his mind drifting past what they were doing. Stop stop stop. Nothing was helping, really. She was so close, and the kisses were nice, and her touch was soothing. He liked that Sandra couldn't keep her hands to herself. "Mmm," Devin mumbled, smile small but content. He couldn't even formulate words as she touched his neck. Breathing felt slightly constricted at this point. There was no hesitation to grip her side and pull her flush against him; her efforts to pull him closer only encouraged it. "Yeah," He managed quietly. "Yeah I like it a lot." A bit too much, actually, but he didn't say anything more and instead allowed himself to relax. After the emotional turmoil and the intense sobbing, he started to feel his body slow down. His hands ached from gripping the steering wheel; not that the boy remembered everything he had done since first entering the car. Fingers flexed and shifted instinctively.
Food was, honestly, the last thing to cross his mind. The minute he set sight on Lauren the appetite vanished and was replaced with an unsettling nausea that did not dissipate until after he was out of her vicinity. The woman was toxic. "He was abducted and replaced with his handsome looking clone. You don't need to feed him or anything. Easy to care for." The chuckle was tired but sincere as he smiled at her. He knew she was teasing and frankly it was nice to be at ease once again. The tightness lingering in his chest was ebbing away with each passing moment. "Relaxing is good. That's all I really need right now. And you. I need you." Devin always needed Sandra. She was such a sturdy rock in his life. He shook his head slightly, enough for her to see. "No, she won't get worried. I'll give it an hour or so and text her. Tell her where I am." Aunt Judith did trust him, though there were probably instances in the past where his honesty was in question. The parties and other stupid actions were possibly a result of that.
Without even fighting it, Devin slid his hand away from her and allowed her to sit up. She always managed to make him feel better just by existing. Did she know that? He wanted to tell her these things all of the time but he did not want to grow too repetitive. The smile was appreciative at the kiss. "Okay," He said, wishing that they could magically appear at her house without driving. He was spent and the energy he had was more interested in being spent cuddling with Sandra. Sighing quietly, he slid out of the back seat and back into the front. The steering wheel had splotches of dried tears but there was no sense in wiping them off right now. Before sticking the keys in the ignition, she took his hand and gave it a squeeze, eliciting yet another smile. "Onward to home, then." God, after the emotion and suppressed hormones, he just wanted to sleep.
[And fin~]
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