-- RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES [Sandra]

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

Devin was, truthfully, nervous. His thumbs tapped the steering while to try and channel some of the anxiety he felt welling up in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't felt hungry all day. That spoke volumes for the state he was in. James wasn't a bad man, not at all, but still the past left Devin wasn't always sure how to handle his father. Yeah, today was one of the first times in a couple of years that the man seemed interested in seeing his son. Grabbing a bite to eat, catching up on things. Had things been on a better note he'd be able to handle this just fine. The last attempt James made to visit his son he tried to bring Lauren along. It was the first time Sandra found out about the past with his family too. What a great way to instigate that discussion. Still, he was a little excited about having his girlfriend meet his father. She was an important part of his life and it made sense for his parents to meet her. Even if...well, some people he really wanted to avoid. Would Lauren even be someone she met? Some part of him hoped that she wouldn't be.

"You'll like my dad, I think," He said finally after listening to his music for a little while, using that time to sort out his thoughts. He wanted to make sure everything went over smoothly. Such a panicky person. He flicked his sunglasses down over his eyes as the sunset hit him full in the face. "He's got a good sense of humor. Hopefully won't make too many crude jokes but I never can tell with him." To be honest, the boy was a lot like James--more than Devin himself would care to admit. Since Lauren, he distanced himself to avoid dealing with her. Being physically abused wasn't exactly something he was willing to deal with again. There was a quiet sigh passing his lips as he added, "And I'm sure he'll love you. Just...let's make sure we don't bring up Lauren. At all." He figured that Sandra wouldn't but it made him feel better putting it out in the open. A verbal confirmation that her name wouldn't come up in their conversations.

After a moment he glanced down at his phone before handing it to his girlfriend. "Do you think you could navigate us the rest of the way? I can't remember it by heart." The GPS was already open on the screen for her to use. He had never been to the restaurant his father recommended so there was always a chance at getting lost. At least he had someone to help out! And talking about other things did help him out quite a bit. His nerves really were unwarranted at this point but there was nothing he could do to keep from wondering how this dinner would go. It'll be fine! Dad is nice, and Sandra is sweet. They could talk about school and work and other things outside of family. When a familiar song came on the radio, he glanced at Sandra with a smile and started singing. Not really...the most amazing singing anyone's heard but he figured it was silly and a good distraction for himself.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

The idea of meeting her boyfriend's dad kind of worried her a lot, given she knew a little bit about Devin's step-mom, but these were all feelings she quieted down for both their sakes as she sat in the passenger's seat. Besides the general worry about that, she was also nervous because... well, she was meeting her boyfriend's father. She generally wasn't worried at all about meeting anybody, but this was a bit different because she really didn't know what to do. What was protocol for this? There was none, she was pretty sure, but she hoped that he liked her enough. She got along very well with Athena and Aunt Judith, but that was different -- she had known them for ages now! Devin's father was very different. She barely knew a thing about him, except that the thought of his wife made her irrationally angry and overprotective, but that... was not the best conversation-starter. The relative silence made her antsy but she managed to keep quiet and listen to the radio, until finally she heard him speak.

She turned to face him even though his eyes were still on the road -- she tried to smile a little. "I'm sure I will!" Sandra liked most people. If he was anything like Devin -- which, she supposed, he might not be after all, but maybe -- then she was sure she'd like him just fine. She tended to get along with most of her friends' parents, too. "And it's okay, I don't mind. You know, even if I get them." She generally didn't get most people's crude jokes the first time anyway -- Sandra was the type to sit there blissfully ignorant... and probably a little confused. Hopefully that wouldn't work against her today. "He sounds fun, though. And probably really nice. And you think? I mean... I hope he likes me," she said softly, nodding, showing the uncertainty for a second, but she pushed it away next moment when she heard his words. "Got it. No Lauren," she confirmed, nodding. There were plenty of other things they could talk about -- Sandra was something of a conversationalist. She would just have to mind her words a little more than usual, that was all.

"Yeah, I think so. And if we get lost... it wasn't my fault, I promise," she joked, glancing around shiftily as she took the phone from him, though she didn't really think they could get lost. The route didn't seem terribly complicated from what she could see at a cursory glance of the screen. "Oh, take your next left," she said, watching the screen and glancing up just in time to give this instruction. She'd never heard of the restaurant before, but she hoped it was good -- there were a lot of hopes she had for today, actually. She hoped everything would be okay, but she was distracted when he started singing. Sandra turned and looked at him, biting her lip to keep from having a giggle fit. "Why are you the cutest thing ever?" she asked after a second, laughing and smiling at him, her face lit up and worries momentarily forgotten. "I don't even -- oh my god wait sorry, take this right," she said, glancing back at his phone. "You're distracting me! We're going to get lost for sure," she whined, but they were actually almost there and she just liked to mess with him. Thankfully, this really was just messing around and in just another few minutes, they were parked outside the correct restaurant -- without taking too many wrong turns along the way or anything of the sort. That was fortunate.

She looked at him now, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly before giving him a small smile. "You ready?" She was nervous. She could only imagine how he was feeling too.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

His smiled was there but faltered quickly after. He loved her positive outlook on situations, especially ones like these which left him in a very flaily, emotional state that made it difficult to cope. It was encouraging, at least, and he felt better than he did a few minutes before. He was oddly quiet, but he tried to make conversation as best he could. Silence for Devin was not exactly considered normal. "He might not make any, but at least you have a heads up. And if you don't understand one...I wouldn't ask because he'd probably try and explain.." He cleared his throat and shook his head, almost ashamedly. He didn't like that he had to give Sandra some sort of run-down but he had never done this before. Some of his family met Autumn briefly but that was before things even got serious. This was a big deal. He didn't want his girlfriend to feel uncomfortable in the slightest. "He is a nice guy over all," Devin reassured her with a small nod. It was more James' taste in women (if Lauren could be considered a human being at this point) that bothered him. "And yeah, I think you'll win him over instantly. No worries." There was an exhalation of relief when she agreed to keep the wicked witch of the west out of conversation.

Glad for the distraction, Devin chuckled. "I'll just blame it on my driving and the phone." He replied, keeping his eyes on the road. It still felt good to have a means of transportation other than his skateboard. He was reminded of prom and how he made his way to the Academy on those little wheels. My, how time flew. He took her directions without question. His mind still felt a bit cluttered so instead of saying much of anything he merely nodded in confirmation and turned when he was directed. The singing was a nice way to relieve tension. "I'm not," Devin argued with a small tint of pink to his cheeks, smiling to himself. "But I'm glad you think so. I still think you're the cutest thing in the world." And that wasn't an attempt to create a banter back and forth, just stating how he felt. He nearly passed by the street they were to turn on before Sandra caught herself, the car nearly squealing as he attempted to rectify their direction. Whoops! He felt his heart pick up the pace a little, but it was calm again. "I wasn't trying to distract you! I just thought you would like to be serenaded by my wonderfully suave voice." He laughed.

Without actually managing to get lost they took the necessary turns to arrive at their destination. It was a nice little place, a homey glow to the windows and nothing so fancy that he felt the money in his pocket dissipating into thin air. Then again, one could never be sure just by looking at the face of a building. Although his sigh was quiet, they were almost in sync with one another. "Y-yeah, I'm always ready," Devin lied through his teeth but didn't want to seem too apprehensive. That wouldn't help. He slid out of the car and went around to open her door before taking her hand and leading the way inside, which was almost soothing with its pleasant atmosphere and warm scents of food. He gripped her hand a little as he saw James sitting at a table just past the host stand. It was difficult to swallow. "There he is," He nodded towards the man, blonde and tall and resembling Devin quite a bit. "We'll just tell the host that we already have people wait--" As he was walking and talking, just at the host stand, he saw a woman sit down next to James and take his arm, talking to him with a smile.

Devin frowned and instantly his stomach soured. He wanted to go home. He wanted to call his dad and pretend to be sick. He wanted anything that got him away from here. Why did the man bring Lauren? He said it was just going to be the three of them--himself, Devin, and Sandra--and there the witch was sitting there smiling like everything was perfect. Like the past never happened. He felt so nauseous. "...Sandra..I..." His expression was distant and difficult to read.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Though she was nervous too, Sandra was naturally an optimistic person -- she tended to see the brighter side of every situation, and she was hopeful that today... would be alright. Maybe it would be better than that, even -- maybe everything would go over great. "Oh! What should I call your dad, anyway?" she asked, figuring she'd just put the question out in the open; Aunt Judith she just called Aunt Judith and everyone seemed fine with this, and it made Sandra feel closer to his family... but then again she had done that even before they'd started dating. She didn't know what the protocol would be for this. Would she use his first name? Mr. Thatcher? This was all very confusing. It was easier, at least, to worry about something like a name rather than... all the other variables.

Devin's nerves only added to hers, though -- she bit her lip when she saw his smile falter. He might have had to keep his eyes on the road, but she was mostly just watching him instead. "I probably won't ask anyway," she told him with a small giggle. "So just nudge me or something if he does and... hopefully he won't try to explain." That always just made things awkward, especially when Sandra had to think said jokes over after it before beginning to understand. These were subjects her brain rarely delved into. Noticing that he looked kind of dejected, she frowned at him for a second. When they stopped at a red light, she reached over and put a hand gently on his arm, trying to communicate things that she wouldn't be able to express aloud. Words didn't always come that easily. "Don't worry," she said instead, though she knew that he did worry and would worry and probably was going to worry until they had left the restaurant later.

She smiled when he chuckled at least a little. "Your driving's fine, just blame the phone," she suggested, giggling a little. There had been incidents where a GPS had been wrong before, after all -- or it was possible it would just keep disconnecting or something. Luckily it seemed to be alright thus far, and she hadn't had to stick her arm out the window yet or anything to try to reach the nearest towers better. Did that work? She had no idea but she had done it before. "Oh but you are!" she said happily, not even paying mind to his own comment, shaking her head at him. She didn't need to have this argument with him -- Sandra believed what she said. The compliment did make her smile, though, though she made no verbal agreement of it besides a soft, "Thank you." That was all she needed -- Sandra liked to be told these things but she was more often the type to build others up first, especially Devin. The sharp turn made her squeak a little bit but she bit her tongue gently to remind herself to keep quiet, not wanting to be annoying while he was driving. "Your voice is so wonderfully suave," she said, putting a hand over her heart. "I would love to be serenaded by you any day of the week!" She giggled. Actually, she really wouldn't mind at all. That kind of sounded adorable.

Sandra looked over at him and offered a small smile, hopefully of sympathy and what-not, hoping he wasn't too stressed. The stutter kind of gave him away but she didn't point this out. "You'll be okay," she told him, quietly but confidently. She gave his hand a squeeze the instant he took hers, pausing and kissing his cheek quickly -- for confidence -- before they entered the actual restaurant. It was nice inside -- nice and homey. Sandra couldn't help but smile at the place -- it was a pretty lovely place to be. She was quickly distracted, however, when she felt Devin's grip tighten on her hand, and she blinked, looking at him before following his gaze slowly over to where a man was sitting. It was almost undoubtedly his father -- they looked pretty alike, actually. "Okay! We can..." She started but then stopped when she noticed that he'd stopped. She watched the expression on his face as it shifted before she looked back to the table and spotted the woman now sitting there. Sandra may not have been the very most intelligent of people, but it didn't take a genius. Oh. She watched them for just a second before looking back at her boyfriend, her eyes wide and apprehensive.

"Devin," she barely managed to breathe out, not even as audible as a whisper. "Oh... Devin... Is that..." The host was standing there staring at them like they were insane. Sandra tried to ignore him but, considering they were standing right in front of him, this was difficult to do. "We'll --" Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat before saying, more firmly, "We'll just be a second." Holding onto his hand much more tightly now, she pulled him off to the side, more or less out of view of the table, though it was difficult to get completely out of the way without leaving the restaurant entirely. She didn't think it would be good to do that just yet. "Devin. I... Dev," she whispered again, not sure why she just kept repeating his name, but his face was distant and gone and she wasn't even really sure he was able to focus in. After a second she finally thought of a question to ask, and fortunately it wasn't, "Is that her?" That would have been an extremely stupid question to ask. "Are you okay? Do you still want to do this?" One hand still held onto his -- with the other one, she reached up and brushed her fingers against his cheek, ignoring the fact that the host was still standing there, keeping himself busy with things on the stand but clearly just idle, waiting for them. Whatever, he can wait. Sandra was rarely that inconsiderate of random strangers, but this was very different. "Or... should we just..." She was aware that they shouldn't leave, but she didn't even care. Sandra was clever enough to figure out who the woman was, and the idea filled her with rage. She had to keep it together, though -- not for the people in the restaurant, not for herself, but god, for Devin. He looked so lost.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

"James should be just fine," Devin replied with a chuckle, feeling weird for calling his dad by his actual name. Sometimes he wondered if that would break some of the contact but he was far too nice to walk away from him completely. It was Lauren who was the problem, not James, even if his ignorance was irritating sometimes. To an extent it was Devin's doing; he wanted to protect his father and himself, and the other half was Lauren being a liar and a fake. He smiled at his girlfriend and agreed with, "Okay, I can do that. Maybe he'll behave himself for tonight though, and save it for after he gets to know you better." If they ever saw one another after this. He never could tell with his father. The words "don't worry" were somewhat of a help coming from her, but not entirely consoling. He was a natural worry wart when it came to this sort of thing.

He nodded and decided that yeah, blaming his phone would be best. Then if they did get lost they could just tell his dad that the GPS gave them the wrong directions or something. It was strange but Devin wasn't really sure what to say or how to keep good conversation at this point. His mind was weighed down with all of the ways this night could go wrong and the smaller thoughts of how it could go right. Pros and cons, pros and cons. "You're welcome. Anytime," He replied with a soft smile, meaning what he said. She was gorgeous, and cute, and adorable, and all of those happy mushy words put together into one. No one could tell him otherwise. He eyed her briefly before looking at the road again, making sure that he didn't pass any roads and memorizing things so they could get back without relying on his phone the whole time. "Then I'll call you and serenade you all the time. Forever. I'll just pick random times and random songs and sing to you." That could be fun, actually, though he would need to make sure it wasn't early in the morning or while she was in class. That would be bad.

It wasn't hard to lean into her little cheek kiss, offering a small smile of appreciation afterward. Her presence was soothing and made this whole ordeal easier. If he had to go by himself then there was no doubt he'd be an emotional wreck. Well, more of a wreck than now. But the world seemed to stop when they reached the host stand, things moving at an incredibly slow pace. Fight or flight nearly sent Devin scrambling for the front door in a panic but he stood his ground and continued to grip her hand. The lump in his throat felt unmovable. He wanted to cry. You can't do that. Not with her here. As weak as he was, shedding tears right now was not a good idea. Sandra didn't need to see it. He didn't even hear her say his name those few times; the host was lost on him as well, eyes locked on the table ahead of him. The tug on his hand drew him away from his dark state of mind and he followed Sandra off to the side. Oh, how he just wanted to leave and forget this night even existed. "...y-yeah," The boy finally responded to his name, staring at her with a deer-in-the-headlights look that mingled with fear and great apprehension. Seeing Lauren sent him into a right state of panic. How could they possibly manage to sit at the same table? He finally swallowed.

The question had only one bold, loud answer in his head. No, no, no. He wasn't okay, he didn't want to do this, but what could he do now? They couldn't very well leave -- well, they could, but insulting his father was not exactly on the 'to-do' list for the evening. He hardly saw him as it was. God, he felt so torn and scared and...everything. "I...I don't know," He replied quietly, leaning into her hand and using his own free hand to cover hers. The touch was so incredibly soothing, like aloe to a burn. The tears were evident as his eyes glistened in the soft light of the restaurant. "Do you think that I should? W-would it be best to j-just..." His chest was so tight it hurt. Before he could take another breath and try to come up with something, someone called his name. "Devin!" Devin turned his head to see James approaching with a smile, waving at the couple. His heart stopped. It had to have stopped. "I thought I saw you, are you alright?" There was a look of concern on the man's face but Devin nodded anyway, knowing that there was no way they could leave now. What lie could they create? "Okay, good! You should come join us then, and we'll do introductions afterwards." James walked back to the table, completely unaware of anything in the past. Devin felt like sobbing. Instead, he gave Sandra a kiss on the forehead and gave her hand a tight squeeze before walking towards the table. I can do this...I can.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Sandra nodded her comprehension, smiling again at the chuckle. "Okay! James it is," she said, nodding, committing this to memory -- not that a one-syllable name was difficult, after all, but names, she felt, were always extremely important. "I'm sure whatever happens will be fine even if he doesn't... behave himself," she said, giggling a little at his choice of words. Devin sounded so serious -- Sandra appreciated the warnings and what-not, but she was hopeful that everything would be fine. Pretending to swoon at his promise of future serenading, she giggled thereafter and turned to smile at him. "What more could I ask for?" There wasn't much, really. She was pretty perfectly happy with their relationship in general. "I'll hold you to that promise, you know. I expect some random singing when I pick up in the future." She wouldn't really do that, but Sandra wouldn't be complaining if that happened for real.

Most of their discussion in the car, however, was long forgotten by the time they got inside and spotted James and Lauren sitting together. Half of Sandra wanted to just turn around and leave the restaurant as quickly as possible -- the other half wanted to walk over and tip Lauren off of her chair. She didn't do either of those things, but it probably would have been better if she'd done the first one, just took Devin's hand firmly and walked him out of the restaurant at the moment she caught on. Instead she asked what he wanted to do, and there was a lump in her throat too as she looked at him, her eyes wide but sad. She could see the tears, making his eyes shiny as the wetness reflected the restaurant lights. She wanted to close her eyes to try to think, to come up with some kind of idea that would be less useless than what she was doing (which was almost nothing), but she had to keep watching him, not run off somewhere with her thoughts, even if it was to try and help. He said he didn't know what they should do, but she knew the answer by looking at his face. Let's get out of here. The words sprang to her mind as she waited for him to speak, and she had just opened her mouth to say these words aloud, but at that moment she was cut off by someone else's voice. There were a very limited number of people in that restaurant who would be calling Devin's name. Sandra froze and turned. She felt her boyfriend almost freeze at the same moment.

It was a strange position to be caught in, and she just found herself standing there dumbly, unable to say a thing or even really move -- her hand was still on Devin's cheek. She didn't even think to remove it. She just stared at Devin's father like he was some kind of insane -- or really, like she had never seen him before, which was actually the case. Stupid. Don't you see he's not okay at all? The thought came to mind and she almost cried as she looked at James, but she said nothing, didn't even move still. The answer was no, she realized -- he didn't know at all, he didn't know, and she didn't know if that was good or bad in her eyes. Sandra was angry, though, and that was what this feeling was: anger. Everything was automatically in the negative. She still wanted to cry. It all made her still want to cry, and she knew that it was more rage than sadness -- it was the kind of crying people did when they threw things through windows or started shouting at someone in the middle of an argument. Still unable to speak, she looked back at Devin, saw the look on his face, and knew that she really couldn't cry now. She couldn't do anything now except try to protect him and take care of him and make sure that he was okay. She did actually close her eyes this time when he kissed her forehead -- she felt her breath catch in her throat. When he started walking off it was hard for her to follow -- her feet felt rooted to the floor. She didn't want to let him do this. She had to.

Quickly, gently, she pulled him back to a stop by the hand she was still holding, and kissed him again, this time his lips just briefly, but she lingered for a moment, pressing their foreheads together. "You can do it," she whispered, not trusting herself to say more except for, a little bit choked, "I'll be right there." She would, too -- only then did she let him turn to start walking back to the table. This was something she didn't want to do, either. It was too late now to decide that. The thought was distressing and she held onto Devin's hand tightly; the fingers of her other hand were restless and fidgety and played with the hem of her shirt until she actually reached the table. "H-hi," she greeted, her voice much quieter than usual. She had hoped, before they had gotten here and discovered Lauren, that she'd be able to make this introduction to Devin's father a bright, peppy one. That was a useless thought now. "Um... I'm Sandra," she went ahead and said, because she didn't want to make her boyfriend have to talk right now. "I'm... sorry we never got a chance to meet before, but it -- it's good to meet you." She smiled, hoping it didn't look awful -- first at James, then at Lauren because she had to. Her grip on Devin's hand tightened when she turned her eyes in his step-mother's direction. She didn't even notice. Her gaze met Lauren's, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd hated a person so much. It probably made itself obvious on her face as, at the very least, awkwardness. "Sorry, I'm just... kind of... you know, nervous," she said to try to make an excuse for this, looking back at James and forcing a hollow laugh. At least it kind of made sense if she was nervous -- that was a good excuse for her lousy ability to say or do anything right now. Hopefully by saying that she could throw off any suspicion.

(TOO MANY FEELS, MAKE IT STOP.)

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

Was James even aware of the inner turmoil he was suffering through? The fear that choked him out like ivy does a tree, sucking out his breath and leaving him completely frozen. The glazed over expression that held back an onslaught of tears. The racing of his heartbeat that Devin swore was visible to everyone around him. Like the pounding in his ears could be heard by Sandra and his father as they stood there together. The space was open but he felt claustrophobic, wishing he could run out of the restaurant and abandon this whole attempt at rebuilding a relationship with his father. He hoped that this night would be a start, an attempt at something new, but everything backfired when he saw her sitting at the table. His saliva felt like pin needles as he swallowed, feet numb. Was it possible to feel angry and sad and scared all at once? Emotions were hardly ever so dark and negative for someone like him. He finally inhaled as James walked away. The room felt like it was spinning and all he wanted to do was lie down somewhere and sleep this nightmare away. The past could never be the past, it seemed.

As much as his body willed him to stay put, the part that refused to reveal weakness--the defense mechanism that rarely revealed itself--pushed him onward. As he stepped up to follow his father, a gentle tug instantly stopped him. Sandra. He blinked, forgetting that she was there the entire time. Was his fear and hesitance obvious? He wanted to ask but no words could come out. His hands instantly gripped her waist as she kissed him, allowing her energy and support to flow into him. All he could give was a small nod, a faint hum to show that he was listening and understood. God he loved her so much. No one else gave him the courage he knew he needed. I don't deserve you...and yet you're the only one that I know could be by my side. The tears threatened to fall now as he looked at her, lower lip quivering to try and hold them back. It hurt his neck, his eyes, his cheeks. Why did being strong have to be so painful? He parted his lips to say something but withdrew, knowing that nothing would come out. Nothing that made sense. Instead, he gave her another small kiss and turned to go to the table.

He took deep breaths with every step, keeping a hand in Sandra's, never intending to let go until they had to. His face was neutral for a long moment when they stood at the table and his girlfriend made the first greeting. Do it for her. For dad. He cracked a smile--a bit forced but the only person who seemed to catch on was Lauren, who looked down at her menu--and offered a wave. "Hey," He said at last, the first thing he had said since Sandra had asked if he was okay. The answer was still, obviously, no. James smiled brightly and offered a hand to the girl, clearly not bothered by anything or aware of the glances exchanged between his wife and son. "Nice to meet you Sandra! I'm James, and this is my wife Lauren. Devin's talked highly of you, and often. I'm glad you were able to join us tonight." As an afterthought, he added, "And I'm sorry I didn't give you a heads up about Lauren. She was supposed to work tonight but they didn't need her to come in." Devin used this time to sort through his emotions and settle his racing heartbeat before sitting down. Lauren smiled without hesitation and offered a hand to Sandra as well. "Nice to meet you!" Lauren greeted cheerfully. It was so fake. So fake. How did James not see?

The man waved Sandra off and chuckled, gesturing for them to sit down. Devin sat, allowing Sandra to take the seat closer to his father. It was a subconscious protective instinct to keep his girlfriend away from the monster clinging to James' arm like it was a life raft. She was just as unhappy as he was, though her smile had been well practiced. Bitch. "Don't be nervous! No need to impress or anything. We're just here to talk and spend time." Devin squeezed Sandra's hand one last time before dropping it and settling his hands on the menu in front of him. He wasn't very hungry. "Well thanks for inviting us out," He finally managed a full coherent sentence this time, glancing up at his dad. Focusing on him would help. He smiled again. It looked real now. "I haven't been here before. Me and Sandra are definitely food lovers so it's good to find new places to try." That was at least true and easy to talk about.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Sandra couldn't help how useless she felt in that moment, unable to offer anything short of a few words. If she could have done something, anything, to ensure that they didn't have to do this, she would have. Maybe if she just fainted or something it would be a good enough excuse to call it off at least for the day. She didn't really know. She couldn't force herself to faint on the spot, of course. It didn't matter anyway -- it was a stupid plan. She just didn't know what else she could do, and there was nothing, and she felt so useless. She could just see Devin's face, and the expression scared her and made her want to cry too, because she could see that he almost was. She wished there was something else she could say. His lip was quivering. It seemed to almost break her heart. She had rarely ever seen Devin upset before, only in those few sparing moments in all these years she'd known him -- and even out of those times, already fewer than few, this was by far the worst. Her breath was stuck in her throat -- she worried that if she tried to get it out of there she would start crying, and she couldn't do that. Then Devin might too, and that was something that she couldn't let happen. She felt so awful. She just wanted to take his hand and lead him out of the restaurant and away somewhere, anywhere, and just sit with him somewhere and hold him and just make it okay, because this was certainly not okay. It hurt her heart.

The final kiss he gave her before turning to go made her almost start crying on the spot but she didn't -- couldn't, really -- and instead she just tried to calm herself down as she followed along after him. She stumbled a few times -- it was hard to keep steady right now, but she managed to make it over to the table without falling flat on her face. It was a struggle not to close her eyes and just shrink away when she heard Devin speak again -- the sound was heartbreaking. She didn't even dare look at her boyfriend right now. It was too much. She looked at the two people across from them, and the smile on her face tightened without her trying to do it. There was a surge of anger for Lauren, and at the same time, an almost sad resentment for James. How could one person be so oblivious? She wanted to ask but of course she couldn't, so she just nodded at first, trying to keep her mind focused on the conversation even though it kept drifting. "Hi James. Has he?" she asked distantly when he mentioned something or other about Devin having mentioned her. In any other occasion she would have giggled and hugged her boyfriend and said he was the greatest. This didn't even occur to her at the moment -- the affection she felt was swallowed up and lost. "That's sweet of him," she said softly. "He's the really great one, though." That was at least something she would have said in any normal situation too -- except that as she said it her eyes finally moved over to Lauren, almost challenging her if Sandra's face was even capable of such a threatening look. That's right. And don't you dare touch him again. Out of sight, covered by the chair and table in between them, her free hand had now balled into a fist.

The thought of actually shaking Lauren's hand, actually having to touch her, made Sandra want to cringe and turn and walk away immediately, but of course this couldn't happen. Her smile twisted uncomfortably as she reached out a hand and gingerly took Lauren's, shaking it briefly. "You too," she said, managing to keep her voice even and polite, but she dropped Lauren's hand as soon as it was even remotely possible. All the while she addressed the woman, Sandra's other hand grasped Devin's, probably far too tightly -- she could feel herself shaking a little just from the pressure on that hand, but she couldn't force herself to stop. I'm sorry, Devin. She wished she could agree with what James said, and say that she was glad she could be there too, but the words died in her throat. Then she thought of Devin having to face his step-mother by himself, and she nodded. "And I'm glad I could too." If nothing else, she could be there for Devin. She didn't, however, even bother trying to reply to his earlier comment on Lauren's presence. She didn't care. It was frustrating. When they were gestured to sit down, she finally did so, noting the way Devin chose the seat closer to Lauren. She looked down, her heart aching. There was no way he would have done that by choice; she immediately wished she could switch sides with him, make sure he was okay, but there was no way to do this without being completely obvious, and she had probably already been quite obvious enough. She had to try harder -- the effort brought another lump to her throat. It was hard to even attempt to respond to anything after that.

Sandra glanced over at their hands when Devin released it, and she immediately wished that he hadn't. It made more sense, though -- she looked over at the way Lauren clung to James' arm, and felt a little bit sick. Even so she wished she could just hold onto Devin too. Can't do that. No, she really couldn't, even if she would have actually had a real reason for doing so. That was more than she could say for Lauren, that was for sure. The pretense was horrible and possibly what made this worst of all, that they all had to pretend to be happy to be there. Not James. Sandra watched him as he spoke, so easily and seemingly without a care. She was trying so hard to like him but it was next to impossible when she felt so much resentment and bitterness -- Devin was his son. She wished he would figure it out. This wasn't going to happen just because she hoped so, of course. She looked down at her plate; there was a pause before she finally managed to answer. "Well, I... I mean..." There was nothing she could say about that. She forced a smile. "You're right, yeah. I'm just being silly, there's nothing to worry about." She tried to push some enthusiasm into her tone of voice, which was still rather non-committal. Devin spoke finally, though, and she looked over at him. His smile looked more genuine. She was amazed at his strength -- for all that he and anyone else might have said that Devin was weak for never raising a fist against anyone in his life, Sandra could have refuted that point and argued against it to her grave.

She nodded a few times, though, wanting to just try harder for Devin. "Yeah, I think half of what we do together is eat," she said, trying to keep things light and... joke-y. She wasn't sure whether or not it worked. "Do you come here a lot?" she asked then, opening her own menu too, lifting it in what was hopefully a subtle way so that she didn't have to look at anyone's face. She closed her eyes temporarily. The words were swimming around on the page -- she couldn't actually read them and instead she stared at one of the pictures on the page. It looked good, whatever it was. She didn't have much of an appetite, unfortunately. "What's good, I wonder," she said aloud, hoping to make some kind of pointless conversation now as she finally lowered the menu. It wasn't like she could really read it anyway right now; her eyes kind of just stared at the page. She comprehended each individual word and number itself, but not all together at all.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

Though Devin's smile was a bit less forced by this point, James' expression altered enough to reveal that he was no longer ignorant that something else was going on there. The air felt stale and thin, if not a bit noxious. His smile was there but it faltered when Sandra responded. The man wasn't angry, not by any means, merely concerned that there was something going on that he was missing. At first he said nothing on the matter and sat back in his chair. Devin released the breath he had been holding and allowed his shoulders to drop, repeating everything is fine over and over in his head like a mantra. "Yes he has," James replied, still poring over the menu sitting before him. He chuckled. "Well, I think he's a pretty great guy myself, though I have to say that a man always does better with a great woman standing next to him." The complement was sincere as he dipped his head in Sandra's direction and offered yet another smile. He was fully aware of the awkwardness by this point, catching the exchanged glances between Sandra and Lauren and the strange expression on Devin's face. At first he had assumed that the girl simply was nervous and his son was reassuring her, but now he wasn't quite so sure.

Devin watched as his girlfriend exchanged a handshake with the woman across the table and wondered if something would burst into flames or a light bulb would blow from the contact. Lauren held her smile, looking completely normal and unfazed by all of this, while the two teens were either on the verge of crying, running out of the restaurant, or strangling the older woman. Maybe all three, and not in that particular order. He felt his face tighten when his girlfriend gripped his hand, lips twisting into a grimace from the pain. James took notice but still said nothing. He was a tactful man and pointing these things out in the middle of a restaurant was ill-timed. Instead he gave another smile and went on looking at the food available to them. Devin was glad to have the pressure released from his hand, feeling a slight sting but nothing more. It had to be ignored. He didn't realize how upset Sandra was by this point, not even aware that she would have taken the seat next to Lauren if the option had been offered to her. They were trying to protect one another from the same person. The woman truly was a wretched creature that the Earth claimed crawled out of the darkest depths of hell. It made him miss his mother.

"Nothing to worry about at all," James reassured with a nod. He wasn't quite sure about that now but what could he do? They were all together for once and he wanted to see Devin. It had been quite a while since last seeing one another. "But if you're really feeling that uncomfortable, we can always do this another night? I did spring another person on you without notice and I know some people don't do well with things like that." A horribly lame excuse to create but he didn't like the tension he felt at the table. Devin looked strained, Sandra didn't seem to be the bubbly and energetic girl that he son talked so much about, and he himself knew that it wasn't fair to keep them there if people weren't going to enjoy themselves. If there was one thing James and Devin shared, it was the tendency to ensure everyone was happy and if they weren't, there needed to be a way to fix it. The boy looked to his girlfriend, then back at James and allowed all of the thoughts to sort themselves out in his head before he said anything. If it had just been his father things would have been light and easy, aside from the initial awkward introductions. "I don't want to cut the evening short but..." He sighed inaudibly and felt his chest tighten and then release. It was hard to breathe. "But yeah, a rescheduling would be good. I'm really sorry dad, Lauren," He looked to each of them in turn, the woman's name a bit more stiff than intended. He should have let Sandra speak for herself on this matter but he wanted her to know that he couldn't handle it without exchanging obvious glances or whispers. His dad frowned and nodded. Lauren patted her husband on the arm. "Since we're already out, can we eat? I'm really interested in one of their salads." For that brief moment, Devin was glad she allowed it to roll off of her shoulders so easily and silently thanked her for keeping things civil. James nodded to Lauren in agreement.

After a few more apologies and giving his dad a hug, Devin waited until Sandra was ready before taking her hand and walking out of the restaurant. He didn't even try to look back, because the one person who would probably be staring at him was the one he wanted to ignore the most. When they breached the front door and he could take in the warm air, his breath was shaking. "I'm so sorry babe..." He said quietly. He hardly ever called her babe. The tears were there, burning at the back of his eyes as he walked to the car and got in. He waited until she was seated before setting his head on the steering wheel. The sobs were audible. "I'm s-so sorry...I didn't think-- I can't believe--" He could hardly formulate any appropriate sentence, his mind scrambled. As much as Devin wanted to drive away to ensure they didn't come out to see him, he knew his emotions were too frayed to focus on the road. Get a hold of yourself... Easier thought than done. So much easier. He felt so bad for putting Sandra in Lauren's presence, even though it was out of his hands. All of it was. The tears made audible plunk noises as they hit his jeans. His knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel. "I thought I was s-strong enough but I can't-- I shouldn't have accepted his offer to leave but I-I didn't know what e-else to do..."

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Sandra didn't even notice that James had noticed by this point -- she had a sinking suspicion that he would, because she really wasn't very good at this whole pretending that everything was okay thing, but she didn't yet notice the way his expression had changed. He seemed to have been fairly oblivious thus far, though -- maybe he wouldn't notice, but she knew that this was to hope beyond hope. Still, she hadn't caught onto the fact that he had caught on. Sandra tried to keep conversation going. "He's the sweetest, then," she said, thumb brushing over Devin's hand gently, but she didn't look at him. She thought something might register on her face if she did, and that was too much to risk. She did, at least, manage to give James a sincere (if somewhat wan) smile, at the compliment. "Thank you," she said, squeaking a little, somehow finding it harder to accept a compliment from James than she did from... well, anyone else. She bit her lip, thinking about how Lauren was not, at all, a great woman. Of course she couldn't say this and instead she looked away, averting her eyes to save herself the temptation. She was almost never so mean as to say things like that, and she wouldn't say it now, but she did feel sometimes that it would be warranted if she wanted to say something.

She still wouldn't dare look at her boyfriend, but she was just acutely aware of how tightly she was grasping his hand, particularly while she shook hands with Lauren at the same time. It felt dirty, like she needed to run off and wash her hands now or something to get the pure evil off. Maybe that was a bit overdramatic -- Sandra still considered that to be one of her most rational thoughts thus far. She needed to steady herself, close her eyes for a bit and figure out what she could possibly do to make this easier on Devin (and even herself), but there was no time left to do that. She didn't even realize that she was actually hurting Devin -- which was fortunate, because the idea of it would have probably made her freak out even more. Her heart was hammering in her chest, but her eyes widened slightly when James offered to reschedule. She felt tongue-tied, feeling that she wanted to answer, but no words came to mind to say. It probably wasn't her place to answer, anyway, even though the excuse he provided did seem built for her. "I..." That was the only word she managed to say, trailing off when she saw, in her peripheral vision, Devin glancing at her. She still couldn't look back, just focused her eyes on her plate. Looking back at James right now would probably make her cry; looking at Lauren would make her want to push the woman down a flight of stairs. Neither of these were good options. She listened as Devin answered, the breath leaving her body silently, but it was as if she almost forgot to inhale again once she'd done that -- she deflated.

Only when he finished speaking did she finally look back at him, a large lump in her throat refusing to move. Then she looked at James and Lauren, her eyes glancing back and forth between them, her expression remaining hopeless the whole time. Devin had decided they would leave -- she felt awful about it but couldn't help agreeing silently with him. "I'm really sorry," she said softly, her voice almost breaking with the effort it took to say just that. She wasn't even sure anybody even heard her properly -- she just felt like sobbing. Sandra watched as Lauren asked after one of the salads, but her mind had blurred long before that, and she hardly noticed. Getting to her feet to leave, she stammered a few more times, this time only just more audibly, "I'm sorry, I really am, I -- I'm so sorry. Next time, I promise, let's reschedule, I..." She was about to start crying and she could actually feel it, so she trailed off after nodding a few times rapidly. "Yeah, just -- next time. I'm sorry." Her voice actually did break after that and she turned away quickly, letting Devin take her hand but not managing to muster the effort just to curl her fingers back around his in return. She knew without even a little bit of doubt that she hated Lauren and never wanted to see her face again, never wanted Devin to have to see her face again. She felt the urge to put a protective arm around him, to say something even just the second they were out of earshot, but she couldn't find it in herself at the moment.

At the door, she did glance back to see that Lauren was in fact staring after them. They made eye contact for the briefest of seconds -- it sent chills down her spine and she looked away immediately, her eyes stinging. Did Lauren know that she knew? Probably. She didn't care. She just wanted to remove herself from the premises as quickly as possible, because Lauren was still sitting there and truthfully, Sandra couldn't trust herself not to do something she'd later regret. She barely heard his apology as they exited the restaurant, but somehow the pet name pulled her back -- not because it actually bothered her, really, but it was always a surprising thing to hear from Devin. She was almost always Sandy or Sandra. "Don't," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Don't say sorry. Please. It's not... It's not your fault." Again she was stumbling as she followed him, dropping his hand only when he had to, seating herself in the car after failing to get a proper grip on the door handle a number of times. God, she was so useless. Today had shown her that enough. She turned to stare at him, and just watched without full comprehension as he put his head down on the steering wheel and cried. It gave her the most awful pang as she just watched -- a few tears slipped from her eyes now too and she was glad that his face was turned away, that he didn't see. "Don't apologize," she pleaded, her voice choked. She couldn't even think of a single other thing to say besides that.

She couldn't force the tears to stop but she wiped them away quickly as she listened. If he turned for whatever reason she didn't want him to see her crying -- that wouldn't help at all, and she iddn't know why she couldn't help more, why she was probably the most useless person on the planet to be sitting there at that moment. "No, Devin, no, no, stop," she said, practically begging. She let her instincts take over and she slid over all the way to the edge of her seat, impeded only by the space between the car seats. Her arm wrapped around his shoulders tightly; with her other hand she gently tried to pry his fingers off of the steering wheel. They were clenched so tightly. It was hard to do. "No, listen, stop, please," she said, her heart hurting for him. She kept her face right by his shoulder, still obstructed from view even if he did turn his head. "Stop... Devin... It's not your fault. You're so strong, you're stronger than anyone I know. Please..." She had never liked seeing him blame himself, but she really couldn't stand to see him cry, and a single small sob came out against her will. She pulled his face into her shoulder, now able to wrap both of her arms around him and just hold him there, cradling him to her. "It's not your fault. It's her fault, it's not -- don't -- don't blame yourself, don't, please," she pleaded, whispering again this time because she didn't think she could trust herself to speak. "I love you and your dad loves you and -- and everything is okay, I promise, it's okay. She can't... she can't do anything. And I wouldn't let her." The tears still fell and she let them land on his shoulder just because she had no choice -- she just held onto him, steadfast, refusing to move away.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

James waved Sandra off a few times, telling her that everything was fine and there was no need to apologize, that he understood. But did he really? All he saw was the tension between all of them, nothing more. He knew nothing of Devin's pain and suffering all those years before, and how often he refrained from telling James in order to spare the man more heartache after his previous wife passed away. What sort of person would he be if he tried to shatter his dad's happiness for his own gain? A selfless thought, but one that brought him a great deal of turmoil in the end. Mentally scarred. Tonight was not a normal reaction but for some reason there was no dealing with Lauren. Not right now. The images and memories flooded to the forefront of his mind and instantly his body shut down, trying to protect itself. He felt guilty on top of that fact, knowing that Sandra had to be there. He tried to be tougher just for her and it didn't work. He failed. Sandra told him not to apologize but his throat was too tight to try and respond. Holding back the tears was painful at this point and he just wanted to get into the car, sit down, and release everything he felt. I'm so sorry. Devin repeated the words in his head, praying she could hear them or feel them or at least understand that he never meant for any of this to happen. He just wanted things to go over okay. He wanted his family life to be...god, he just wanted it to be fucking normal. Meeting his dad should have been happy and memorable and full of stupid jokes and good food, not...not this. He couldn't handle this.

By this point the boy was not even fully aware of his actions; his hands were numb from the tight grip on the wheel, his stomach ached as he tried to expel the tears as fast as possible. The tension created so much built up emotion and he couldn't contain it. The sobs were broken, tears leaving tiny stains down his cheeks. Wiping them away would be fruitless and the energy he could use to do so was completely spent. His shoulders shook viciously. "I h-have to," Devin choked out. "You didn't deserve to be subjected to h-her at all...not at a-all...not ever..." It was so quiet and pained and almost frightened. The woman was vile and cruel and the only person she ever treated with decency was James and her own child. At one point in time he felt hurt that she would not accept him but in time it grew to be pure hatred and disdain. Devin never hated a person so much. He never thought it would be possible. There were times he felt bitter towards people but it did not last long and he always found a means to forgive. Lauren was not forgivable. The numbness in his hands was giving way to an all-over tingle that he didn't even notice. His head was throbbing and his throat ached and even his toes were curling in attempts to cope with the tears.

It took him a moment to even realize that Sandra had her arm around him, that beautiful voice breaking through the cloud of muddled thoughts and tormented emotions. As fingers wrapped over his in attempts to yank them away from the steering wheel, Devin allowed his grip to lessen enough to let her fingers slip between his. Only now was the pain noticeable. Another loud sob passed his lips. "I'm not strong," He argued feebly, the tears still falling freely. He felt so incredibly weak. Like a helpless, defenseless child. "I never was, never will be. I..." Devin felt he fell short. "I have to protect you from her! S-she can't-- I didn't want her to be here...and I couldn't even k-keep myself together for you.." All of it was slurred and mingled with the salt of his tears. Was it even coherent? He didn't know. Sandra's small sob caught his attention, but by the time he tried to turn and look at her she had already pulled him into her shoulder. It felt so safe and warm and the tears were soaking her shirt, which he hated. Still, he removed his hands from the steering wheel and wrapped his arms around her tight, not letting her presence escape him for even a moment. "I...I..." There was nothing he could say. He wanted to blame himself. He wanted to blame Lauren, too. He didn't know what to think or feel.

"I love you too...so much...god, so much." Devin said into her shoulder, her whispers loud in his ears. But when he fully realized that Sandra was crying too--the sob had been lost on him when she pulled him close--he pulled away from her just enough to look at her. His heart broke. Seeing her cry was worse than anything else. "Oh, no, Sandy p-please don't--" In between small hiccups and tears, he reached out and held the side of her face lovingly, brushing a thumb over his cheek. "My beautiful girl...I'm so sorry. So so s-sorry..don't cry.." His cheeks were burning and tight as the old tears dried and the new ones fell. Guilt plagued his heart now, aching and twisting as he held her face gently and gave her a small kiss. Why did this night turn out to be such a nightmare? If only they had stayed home. Above all things, Devin hated seeing Sandra cry. It was earth shattering. He tried to swallow back his onslaught of tears for her, to let her know that he was alright. Or well, would be alright. The rest of her words had been drowned out by his own panic at seeing the tears. "I wish that none of this ever h-happened..I can't believe my dad actually.." The sentences still made no sense but hopefully Sandra would understand. He was trying, he really was.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

It was so incredibly awkward, but Sandra was too distressed to notice that, or at least fully register it. She felt bad, she really did, knowing how infrequently Devin and James saw each other, and she had actually really wanted to meet her boyfriend's father, but it was too much all at once. She could feel all of Devin's distress too, and it was the worst thing. The best thing was to get themselves out of there as quickly as possible, but outside, things weren't much better. She wished she could say something to make it okay, or better at least, but she was awful with things like this and she could hardly think herself, let alone try to console someone else. "No, you don't," she told him, wishing she could still his shoulders as they shook -- she was probably shaking too, though. "You don't have to apologize for anything, it's not your fault. D-don't..." His voice scared her far more than Lauren ever could, and she just shook her head a few times. She wished she could convince him. There was probably no doing that anymore. "She's awful, Devin, I know... I -- that's not... not something you have to say sorry for." She didn't want his apologies; she wanted Lauren to disappear, to have never actually existed in the first place. It was too much to ask for and something that couldn't possibly happen. Sandra didn't know the details of what the woman had put Devin through, but she was almost glad that she didn't know -- the anger might have taken over. It was so rarely so that she got angry. It scared her and made her feel all the more hatred and bitterness at once. Devin's apologies made it worse.

The answer didn't altogether surprise her, but she would argue with him forever on that point if she thought she'd make a breakthrough at the end of it. "No, stop..." She wished she could think of something better to say than that but it took her a long time -- she just sat there with her arm around him, trying to formulate her thoughts so that she could say the right thing. She usually wasn't so careful with her words, but this was different and required thinking, and she took a few shaky breaths before speaking, just barely loud enough to be heard over his sobs. "You're so strong, stronger than anyone I know, I swear, I --" She held onto one of his hands after managing to remove it from the steering wheel. "You dealt with this every day. You still deal with it every day, and I don't think you know how much -- how much that takes, and..." Devin was somehow one of the gentlest souls she could think of, but his inner strength never ceased to amaze her. She rested her head temporarily on his shoulder, hoping that just being close would be enough for the time being. "You don't have to protect me, you don't have to do any of that for me. It's... I... It's my turn this time." Her voice failed after that but she hoped that he understood what she meant, because she didn't think she'd be capable of elaboration. She'd take care of him and defend him forever if she had to, to make sure that he was okay.

The sob escaped without her wanting it to, but she was glad that she managed to divert Devin's attention elsewhere. Somehow she felt that this was part of protecting him, that she couldn't let him see her cry because that wouldn't help at all and it might just upset him more, and that was the very last thing on Earth that she wanted. "Shhh..." She just shook her head gently when he tried to speak, her hands finding safe spots on his back to rest, so that she could pull him close to her. "I know," she whispered even though he hadn't actually said anything apart from stammering a little. "I know..." It was so hard to speak or think or feel anything other than so much sadness for him. It was the first time she had ever seen him cry and god, Sandra hoped it would be the last time he ever did, because she just wanted everything to be okay for him all the time. It hurt her more than she could possibly explain to see him like this.

It elicited another sob when he said that he loved her. "Devin..." She didn't know where to let that sentence go -- she didn't know what to do at all, because now she was just crying all over the place and it was ridiculous and everything was ridiculous and messy and she just wanted to sob and cry and maybe throw a few things around but she couldn't do that. She regretted the sob as soon as he pulled away, knowing that there was no way that he hadn't noticed this time. "No, oh no, Dev, it's okay, really, I..." She stopped when he touched a hand to her face; she screwed her eyes up and whimpered a little as soon as she heard the word "beautiful" -- then more apologies. "Not -- not... not your fault. Never your fault, never, I..." Devin had never made her cry before and (perhaps in naivety, but she didn't care) she didn't think that he ever would. She shook her head fervently. How he could think to call her beautiful when he was clearly in so much distress himself was unthinkable and so selfless. "Don't, please. I'll be okay, it's not -- I'm not -- I don't --" She sobbed again, shaking her head to try to make it stop and in a vain attempt to let him know that it still wasn't his fault. "I love you," she whispered again, barely audibly, after he kissed her. "I don't want you to apologize, okay? It's not your fault, I just... I can't... I hate it when you're upset." Seeing him break down had destroyed any last defences she'd had against all this emotion.

Eventually, she settled herself down enough to move both of her hands to his face, using her thumbs to wipe away any tears that still remained. Then she sat there cupping his face in her hands, trying to stop -- her breathing was still shaky but she tried to pull it together. "Me too," she whispered. The night should never have happened. Everything that Lauren had done should never have happened. She wrapped her arms back around Devin, holding him close again, leaning on him for support and allowing him to do the same. "I know, I know... But you're okay. You are, you're okay. She can't do anything to hurt you," she told him weakly. "He didn't know... I don't think he really... thought it would be a -- a big deal..." She tried not to blame James despite her own resentment. At the root of all of this, it was nobody's fault but Lauren's.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

"Yes it is," He argued feebly, still leaving his face open to the tears. He hated wiping them away because it only made his skin hurt. As sensitive as he could be, Devin usually didn't break down so freely. The last time he fell apart in front of someone was when Josh slapped Lauren, after she had hit Devin shamelessly in front of his best friend. That didn't last nearly as long but the feelings were basically the same. "She won't apologize, and never will. I've never o-once heard the word sorry come out of her m-mouth. And I need you to know that...that I'm sorry you had to even s-see her." Just looking at that woman brought about waves of fear and anger that he didn't think were possible for him to feel. Why did she ever have to be in his life? None of this would have ever happened and things would be just fine. James just had to find the one woman who tortured Devin to no end, yet made his father happy. Fate was all too cruel. So many apologies rattled through his mind as he tried to force them out, hoping they would fix the problem and erase the past half hour or so, but at the same time he knew they wouldn't change anything. It was instinct to try and make everything better.

And telling him to stop wasn't going to change anything either, because he didn't feel like he could until he was calm enough to sort through everything and because his emotions were all scattered, crying and being close to his girlfriend were the only ways he could even begin to find peace of mind again.

How can you think that... The boy was insecure and found his own faults almost instantly, not able to understand how anyone could ignore them and find only the good in who he was. Why did Sandra do that? Was there really enough good in him to overlook it all? He didn't think so. He didn't think he was strong at all. Breaking down in the car sobbing over seeing Lauren was definitely not a display of sheer strength, no. That was weakness. A lot of it. "I'm not strong!" He snapped, tightening the grip on the steering wheel with the hand not holding hers, then relinquished and sighed. "I'm sorry..oh my god I'm sorry." Instantly the apology was out there because he was never angry, never got upset with anyone, but the swirling onslaught of emotions made it difficult for him to keep a firm grip on himself. Now another fresh stream of tears fell down his face as he insulted himself mentally for even thinking of letting this get the better of him to the point of snapping at Sandra. The guilt was even worse now. "I just...I don't see how me falling apart is being s-strong. If I can't even-- I mean just looking at her--" He instantly shut down when confronted with his step-mother; the first few years weren't as difficult but over time it grew harder and harder to deal with. Devin shook his head vigorously. "No, n-no I-- I want to protect you. I've dealt with her most of my life a-and..." And what? It obviously didn't make a difference considering the position he was in now. She was the one consoling him, hugging him. He didn't do anything.

Still, the embrace was so comforting. Proof that she was there and she supported him and had every intention of sticking by his side even in his greatest moments of weakness. He didn't think there could be anyone better for him than her. No one could stand by him the way she did, uplift and encourage and comfort effortlessly. He molded himself to her as he returned the affection. Of course hearing her and feeling her cry against him was enough to distract from dealing with his own self-consoling and instantly turned his focus on Sandra. The crying was so much to cope with--it was a miracle he didn't start sobbing more at the sight. Instead he tried to swallow it all as best he could so that she could find a reason to stop. She didn't deserve to deal with this. "It is my fault. If I had held myself together then this w-wouldn't have happened," Devin replied, still rubbing her cheek and pressing his forehead against hers, silently willing her to feel better and to stop crying. He wanted to say more right away but couldn't, instead resorting to just loving on her. A small but pained smile twitched on his lips. "I love you too," He replied softly, finding solidity in his words because of how much he believed them. "I-I'll be fine, I promise...I just-- I need to clear my head and...and try to stop having my episode.." Even he knew how bad the response was, though calling it a break down was still quite the understatement. He instantly closed his eyes as she held his face.

He was amazed at much her presence and touch soothed him. Devin inhaled and tried to calm himself, breathing still a bit shaky but better than it was when he first entered the car. He couldn't even remember breathing, really. The initial part of his 'episode' was somewhat of a blur. His head hurt. "Yeah, you're right." He agreed with a small nod. He was safe, for now. Then he shook his head shortly after and sighed, feeling better now that the tears were being wiped away and his stomach wasn't in a huge knot. "No, no he wouldn't know," The boy admitted weakly. "He doesn't know what Lauren did...it's not his fault, I just-- I kinda wish he had called and told me." Kinda was a weak word for that statement. If he had known Lauren was going to be there he would have pretended to be sick. After a moment a wave of weariness overwhelmed him and said, "You can join me in the backseat if you want. I'm going to lay down for a few minutes." Giving Sandra a kiss on the forehead, he got out of the driver's seat and slid into the back, lying on his back and staring at the roof with red, puffy eyes and a tired frown.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

She shook her head vehemently. "No," she told him, just the one word, unable to say anything else. She'd said it all already and she didn't want to make them run in circles -- that wasn't going to help at all. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to make it steady and keep her breath from shaking too much. "I don't want her to apologize," she whispered, hoping that this wasn't the completely wrong hting to say. "I don't want it. It wouldn't make everything okay just because she says it. So you don't have to apologize either." She didn't want him to apologize anyway -- seeing him blame himself was the worst and made her want to, if she could somehow do it, take all of that way. He didn't need the guilt or the suffering -- as far as Sandra was concerned, he was faultless, and especially in a situation like this, it actually hurt to think that he was the one who wanted to take the blame. It wasn't his fault.

It came as an actual shock when he snapped at her, and she actually jumped a little, dropping his hand and withdrawing herself, backing off a few inches to give him space, her arms falling limply to her side. Her eyes filled with tears -- Devin had never done that before. It probably shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did because she was in a pretty horrible emotional state to begin with. Get yourself together, he didn't mean it, she told herself after sitting there for a few stunned seconds. He had apologized -- she blinked, confused by the whole situation, but shook her head. "No, it's okay." Her voice wavered slightly but she picked his hand back up, not wanting him to grasp onto the steering wheel again -- she noticed with a pang that his other hand was holding steadfastly onto it. "Okay, Devin," she whispered finally, returning her head to his shoulder and her arm back around him to once again let him feel her presence. She didn't want to upset him again but she continued, closing her eyes for a second before going on. "Okay. You can say that if you want. But you're strong every other day of your life. All the time. Everyone has weak moments sometimes, you're not weak just... just because of that."

It was hard to talk but she forced the words out as they came to mind. "And that's exactly why I'm protecting you this time," she told him, and this she wasn't going to relent on, no matter how much he wanted her to. "I'm fine, see? She can't -- can't do anything to me." It was Devin that Sandra felt needed to be protected -- he'd already been hurt so much. The worst Lauren could do to Sandra, she already knew, would just be to hurt Devin at all anymore -- this breakdown right now counted as that even if the woman hadn't actually done anything today. It evoked so much of Sandra's anger.

She would hold onto him forever if that was what he needed to be okay; Sandra just kept her arms around him, tightly as possible without actually suffocating the poor boy. She hoped he understood the words of comfort and consolation that she could never articulate -- because how was she supposed to say that? "I'm sorry"? "I understand"? No, it wouldn't work; she tried to pour these sympathies into the embrace instead and god, she just hoped that it was working, that it helped even just a little. Sometimes that was better than words. Then the attention was on her, however, and that was actually harder somehow -- he was already upset enough without needing to see her like this too, wasn't he? She tried to avert her gaze but was drawn back almost immediately. "You c-c-can't... You can't help that, i-it's okay," she managed to say after a long while, closing her eyes to try to stop crying when he pressed their foreheads together. Her hand moved to his shoulder, then over to his neck; eyes closed, she could feel the rhythm of his breathing, still shaky but, she hoped, slowly starting to steady. She really hoped it would soon. Eventually she managed to open her eyes again, still watery but otherwise doing okay, her breathing a little slower. She was, at least, able to speak again in somewhat coherent sentences. It helped somehow to hear the words "I love you" -- there was something she could believe in, somewhere in that. "If you need anything... or -- or if I could do anything to help..." She was trying her best but it was hard when she didn't know if she was doing the right thing or not. Sandra just wanted to make things better for him -- never make them worse.

The fact that James was so completely oblivious concerned her still, but she knew that Devin seemed to have made a conscious effort to keep him from noticing. It had hurt him too, though. That was probably the worst part, knowing that he could have changed all of this if he'd wanted to -- but he never did. "Me too," was all she said, all she could think to say. Her head seemed to be spinning; she hadn't realized how much energy that had taken out of her. All of this could have been avoided if James had called ahead about Lauren, but it was much too late to be thinking about things like that now. She pushed them aside. The present was something that could still be worked on. Sandra nodded numbly when he said he was moving, but she just sat for a few long moments, sitting back in her seat and staring at nothing through the windshield as he left the car and then reentered in the back.

You can do it. She didn't know if she meant herself or Devin -- hopefully both. After a long couple of seconds of this she slowly detached herself from the seat and left, opening the door behind her. She just wanted to lie down and be close to him -- this was probably catharsis, but for now she just felt numb and dizzy and tired and, separated from him, suddenly very lonely. Maybe that was just being needy. She didn't care either way as she slid in beside him, giving him a tiny kiss and then letting her eyes fall and stay closed. "Hey," she said softly as a way of asking permission to stay there. Tthen she left it at that, leaning her forehead against the bridge of his nose and putting a hand gently to his chest so that she could feel his heartbeat. It was rapid, probably from how much sheer energy that must have taken from him too, but, again, starting to slow down. Deep breaths.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

He nodded. Unfortunately, as much as Devin didn't want to admit it, Sandra was incredibly right. Sorry didn't fix anything. It never did. Saying sorry at a funeral didn't bring back the deceased or alter the emotions of those in the room, nor did it resolve conflicts right away. Basically it was just a representation of what one wished they could do to solve a problem that was more or less out of their hands by the time it was said. He wanted to rectify, once again, by saying sorry but refrained, swallowing all of it like chalk. Or needles. Lauren had caused so many problems in his life and he had hoped that by this point she would just go away, that dealing with her would either not exist or at the very least feel easier. She had been a sneaky, manipulative woman; she abused him to the point of her satisfaction without leaving the traces that James could visibly detect. A lot of it was verbal too; degrading words and comments that added to the insecurity he already dealt with. Aside from a select few, Sandra was one of the few who really helped him with it. Who almost fully understood what he was dealing with.

Inside he winced as the words sharply passed his lips but it was too late to rectify, aside from that overused 'sorry' that he had repeated at least a thousand times already. He didn't see the tears in her eyes from his reaction--lucky, actually, considering that would have caused a whole new wave of panic and emotion and tears on his own part. It's not okay. It's not. He just decided to stay silent this time and instead listened to that angelic voice. It was so calming, even while they discussed such an awful subject. He loved her voice, her presence, everything. "If...you say so," Devin muttered finally, deciding that arguing with her over it would be futile. His emotions made him tired and despite how much he felt like the weakest link, he just wanted to relish in her touch and how much safer he felt now that he was away from Lauren. His heart still thudded rather loudly in his chest but nearly as rapid as before. The breaths were a little slower.

"Why are you so good to me?" He asked subconsciously, not even able to stop the question from passing his lips. He never particularly felt worth protecting, though she and Josh both seemed eager to do so when those times arose. It made him feel good; the protection made him feel wanted and loved but at the same time all those years of degradation did leave a mental scar that no one but himself could see on a daily basis. Only in times like these did others have the chance to witness it in action.

Quickly Devin shook his head, not even willing himself to pull away from her to do so. It was a gentle, slow movement that was enough to speak for him without having to say anything until necessary. "Just being here helps me," He said softly. "You have no idea how grateful I am that you're here. I don't know what I would have done if I had been alone." He would have called her probably, then found a way to drive home or even take a cab or the bus. She would have found out soon after the incident. However, that would not have been nearly as helpful and boy, was he glad that she had accompanied him that night. The panic attack could have been so much worse if not. Then again, maybe it would've been better since he would not have felt the need to protect Sandra from that foul woman. It's not her fault. He didn't want to blame his girlfriend's presence on his freak out, because in all honesty he would have been upset no matter what.

The roof of the car was so dull, and dark with the shadows of the night as his eyes honed in on the little details dotted along its gray upholstery. Little nicks and bumps of the past, though what memories they held he didn't know. It was just nice to focus on something entirely different for even a few minutes. The distraction was leveling his train of thought as well as the heartbeat. His neck and head still pulsated, chest feeling the tension slowly uncoil. The sound of his girlfriend leaving the car and re-entering did not fully register until she was sliding in next to him; Devin shifted so his back was against the seat. His blue eyes found hers, then closed as he returned her kiss. "Hey beautiful," He replied sweetly, brushing his free hand through her hair thoughtfully before resting it on her cheek. He inhaled a little deeper when she rested a hand on his chest, letting out a content sigh. "You are so amazing. I don't deserve you..." He wanted to divert away from the original subject, even for a minute or two just to calm his nerves. His hand slid from her face and to her waist, pulling her close. There was a small smile on his lips. Cuddling in the back seat was not something he expected but it was nice and he just wanted to drown himself in her presence for a while. He pulled his head back just a little, enough to look at her, and gave her another kiss. Thank you.