TOSSING ROCKS AT YOUR WINDOW [devin]

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Typically when Matthew was out for the day, which was relatively frequently, she tended to take advantage of the free apartment. Usually this just meant chilling around and watching TV, napping without being woken up and told to go do something, or inviting someone over to hang out. Today this someone was Devin, and she was glad that she could do that now without feeling like her brother would come home and rain rage down, but it was nice, the feeling of being trusted enough. They weren't up to much today anyway besides preparing to watch a movie that she had downloaded on her laptop -- in her room because her bed was comfier than the couch, but with the door open for her brother's peace of mind should he happen to come home early for whatever reason. (It wasn't like he enjoyed coming into her room, though. She was pretty sure the multitude of Asian pop idols' posters just freaked him out.)

"Deeeeviiiiin," she whined as she booted up her laptop, flopping onto her bed in a cross-legged sitting position and gesturing for him to join her. "I'm tiiiired." She wasn't too tired to hang out, obviously, but then again Sandra was pretty much always ready to fall over and take a nap anytime, anywhere, so this probably shouldn't have come as a surprise to him. She had an excuse this time, though; it was different -- having an actual job for the first time wasn't actually that bad, but morning shifts still killed her. The job itself was something, at least, that she was okay at -- she'd waitressed at her dad's restaurant on occasion back in Vancouver, and really, the job was just more about talking to people than anything else. Sandra was good at talking to people... plus, she'd needed a job and was totally okay with working at Logan's new pancake house considering he was a former teacher. Still -- morning shifts. "I had a shift at like... like, nine," she explained, pouting a little bit at him before perking up again.

"Oh but there was this cute family there and they were adorable, there were these two little kids, I think they were twins and -- oh!" The thought was derailed just as soon as she'd found it when she became distracted again upon remembering something. "Wait wait, hang on, I have something for us," she said, probably too excited considering what it was. "Are you --" At that moment the laptop beeped and she sighed. Perfect timing, laptop. "Wait, hang on, can you grab my charger? It's probably under the bed on your side." That was generally where most things she had would end up: under the bed -- laptop and phone chargers, shoes, schoolbooks, and her stash of candy that her brother had hopefully never found. "And just plug it in? I'll be right back!" she chirped, abandoning the computer with Devin so that she could make her way to the kitchen. Paul, the chef at the restaurant, had packed her food to take home with her when she'd left earlier that day. Who didn't like having pancakes for lunch dinner a post-lunch, pre-dinner meal? Nobody, that was who.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

Spending time with Sandra was nothing out of the ordinary; they were together a good portion of the time, but that didn't mean Devin grew tired of it. He loved his aunt and sister and did not mind being at home but sometimes it was nice to escape family and just be with her for a while. Matthew wasn't home, which made Devin feel more at ease because--although he had gotten past the initial awkwardness--it was still her older brother and the last thing he wanted to do was make waves. He had no intentions of doing anything but still, he didn't want to give Matthew any reason to think he would. At least her bedroom door was open. "Whaaaaat," He whined back as he followed Sandra's gesture to join her on the bed. He crawled across and sat down, leaning back a little but keeping his legs crossed. His head was angled so he could see the laptop. Movie time was always fun! A good way to lay around and be lazy and be with one another. That's all Devin wanted, really. Time with his girlfriend. He felt like he was attached to her at the hip or something.

"Aww, poor thing! That is an insanely early shift and I don't envy you in the least. Do you like working there though?" As long as she was happy, that was all that mattered. Early shifts did suck; he had yet to fully experience one of those considering his job as a DJ forced him to work from somewhere around six in the afternoon until around two in the morning, maybe later. And lucky her, having the chance to be around food--what he would give to be with food all the time. The club did sell some things but it wasn't like a restaurant. A smile formed on his lips, parting to give her a reply on the cuteness of the little family she ran into while at work before she halted and changed the subject. "Oh? What is it?" There was a little shift in his position as he grew excited about whatever it was. The beep distracted him and he stared at the laptop like it had started talking to them. He nodded. "Sure! I can do that. Hopefully it won't die before I can find it..."

As soon as she left the room, Devin climbed off of the bed and looked underneath for the charger. Boy, there were a lot of random things under there! Shoes and paper and--aha! With a quiet 'found it!' he pulled the charger out, but not without something being tugged along with it. It was a square little packet--and to his horror a very familiar looking square packet. He blinked as he picked it up and turned it over in his hand once or twice to try and register the fact that Sandra--Sandra--had a condom under her bed. Out of anyone in the world that could have one, the least person Devin expected was his girlfriend. A bit of a panic rose up in his chest but he quickly shoved it down. There was no way she'd cheat on him. No, that was silly. Still, he looked pensive as he sat down on the bed. When she returned to the room the boy turned to look at her with a look that was a mixture of confusion and concern. "Uhh...Sandy?" His voice nearly faltered. He lifted up the little package and waved it back and forth. "I found this under your bed. What...why do you have this?" He might have managed to ask other random questions but his mind was not able to at the moment.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Sandra smiled lazily and nodded when he asked if she liked work. "Yeah, except when it's morning." She was a girl who appreciated her sleep, okay -- a day when she had to get up before noon was a day half-wasted... which was hilarious because it was probably the opposite in reality. "But Logan's really nice! Well I mean he's not nice but he's, like... cool," she finished lamely, trying and failing to describe their old Home Ec teacher. "Nice" really wasn't the right word at all. "And the tips aren't bad and it smells like pancakes aaaall the time. You should come visit sometime!" A perk of having Logan (quite possibly the least responsible adult and member of society she had ever met in her life) as her boss was that he pretty much wasn't fussed about things like when she took her breaks, or having her boyfriend come to visit. These things were nice.

"You'll see what it is!" she sing-songed happily back to him, smiling to herself as she made her way into the kitchen, quickly finding the take-out box in which Paul had wrapped up the pancakes for her upon discovering that she'd be hanging out with her "booooyfriiiiiend" later. She was pleasantly surprised to find that they were one, heart-shaped (how did he do that?) and two, still actually a little bit warm. Still, she quickly reheated them anyway and then poured a ton of maple syrup on top -- because maple syrup -- before bringing the two plates back, already babbling before she was even in the door. "So Paul -- wait, did I tell you about Paul? he's the chef at the pancake house -- yeah, so Paul is really cute and I told him we were hanging out today and he made pancakes and --" She stopped once she saw him sitting there, her eyes much resembling those of a deer caught in headlights.

She just managed not to drop the plates she was holding, but her fingers had an almost nervous twitch to them as she just stared for a second, first looking at the tiny package in his hand, which actually drove her into silence for a few very long seconds. Her face was actually horrified -- she finally looked away to actually look at Devin's face, and he looked so confused that she felt like she had to say something, and words came out, but they probably didn't even really make sense. "It's not -- that's -- I totally forgot it was there," she spluttered, but of course it was under her bed, because that was where everything ended up. She hadn't really had a choice but to take the bag of them with her after Yeager had left them behind when they'd been at Burger King the other day -- well, okay, she probably could have, but that would be even sketchier than taking them. What if an employee found a bag of glow-in-the-dark condoms? How terrible. "I mean, it's not -- there's like more of them, but -- oh my god that makes it a lot worse doesn't it -- they're Yeager's!" she finally managed to say, face going redder and redder as she spoke.

"Oh my god wait no, what I mean is, we were at Burger King the other day and he gave me the bag and said that like -- that I might need them, or something, because, um -- because of us, I guess," she said, gesturing between herself and Devin, her face now very red. "And and I mean, I told him no but then he left them there and I didn't want to just leave them so I kind of, uh... took them... and... um... yeah." Oh my. That was really not what she had expected when she'd told him to check under her bed for the charger -- she really had totally forgotten about them, though how she forgot something like that she had no idea. "I'm sorry," she mumbled finally, staring down at the plates in her hands instead, not sure what she was apologizing for -- mostly for how it looked, probably, and how much she was failing really hard at explaining.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

Mornings were certainly not a favorite of his either, but hey...at least they both had jobs, right? They could be homeless people or something, and that would suck. Matthew and his aunt probably wouldn't let that happen, but the thought was still irksome. Knowing that something--anything--could happen at any moment it was good to have some self-support. He didn't like to think about that but human instinct was to preserve and protect. He blinked. "Not nice, but cool...I don't see how that makes any sense," He said with a laugh, amused by her explanation. It could work, he supposed. "But hey, you get to smell pancakes all day and be around food so that's automatically awesome!" What he would give to have access to food--oh wait, he did. Aunt Judith pretty much cooked anything and everything and food was hardly in short supply. "Of course I'll come and see you! I'll be the boyfriend that comes in and disrupts your work time and brings you flowers randomly and makes the guests go 'awwww'," He clasped his hands together and pressed them under his chin, batting his eyelashes dramatically. He would probably bring her flowers, just because.

Devin pondered over what it could possibly be that excited her so much, but decided to be patient instead of trying to follow her to...wherever she was going. Maybe it was a new movie or something like that. Shrugging off his curiosity he focused on her request for the charger instead. That was until he found that oh so familiar packet on the floor. Her voice was almost muffled as his thoughts raced around in circles like they were on speed. Devin might have responded if not for that. It was difficult to find much to say but figured his question would do enough for now. Unfortunately Sandra seemed just as lost as he did and that didn't help. Not. At. All. Wouldn't she, of all people, have an explanation for the condom in her room? "You...forgot?" Devin echoed, unable to do anything but repeat what she was saying. Way to go DJ, sounding literate and cool and confident.

The minute the name 'Yeager' left her lips, however, a very uncharacteristic yet unreadable expression crossed Devin's face. Was it anger? Frustration? Betrayal? Even he didn't know which one to feel, if he should feel any at all. This was Sandra. She could never hurt anyone. "Yeager, huh?" Again with the short, stupid questions that led to nowhere. He felt tongue tied. His face felt as hot as hers looked when she explained everything, swallowing a huge lump in the back of his throat. Shit. Thanks a lot Yeager. Of course his mind drifted there on occasion but never to the extent of trying anything. No, because Sandra was worth waiting for and whenever she was ready, he would be. And here some other guy was tossing condoms at her like candy. Awkward awkward awkward. That's the only word that kept popping up in his head. "So he just randomly gave you condoms? I mean that...but why..I don't really.." Was about the most coherent sentence Devin could formulate right off the top of his head. So articulate. "So because he assumed-- or well, does he know...? Y'know that we don't-- I mean..." Now his neck was hot, his cheeks a bright pink as he continued to think about it. Damn it all to hell.

"Don't...don't apologize. Please," He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, using the other to rub his face. "I don't...I don't even know what to say. I mean, I didn't want this conversation to come up unless you wanted it to--ughhh...but I guess it was done for us.." He wanted to wait until she felt comfortable talking about those sorts of things--basically wanted her to bring it up first--in order to keep things from getting weird. It felt weird now, though. Boy, was he at a loss for words. Did any of those sentences even make sense? Hell if he knew.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Sandra giggled a little bit. "I mean he's kind of a jerk, but he's actually really chill! And lets me steal food! All the time actually! I think he's secretly a softie," she blabbed. She liked all of her co-workers a lot, too -- Paul was the sweetest and the other servers were generally friendly... and the place had just opened recently, so there was nothing she had to randomly get adjusted to. Everyone was in the same boat, pretty much. "Mhm, the pancakes are nice. And there's some pretty good other stuff too, but the pancakes are like... heaven," she said practically with stars in her eyes. God did Sandra love food. It was too bad that even Sandra couldn't put hot sauce on pancakes (because her addiction to hot sauce was a serious problem) but there were other things, too. Plus, most people would probably say she ate too spicy as it wsa. "Awwww," she repeated, giggling when he batted his eyelashes. "You're the cutest, I'm sure they'd love for you to come! Those flowers are probably gonna get in the way a little, though. I hope the customers don't mind finding petals and stuff in their pancakes." She was just teasing, though, and she leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek. He really was the cutest thing.

Much of this was forgotten just a few minutes later, once she had walked back into the room. When he just repeated after her, she nodded jerkily. She'd completely forgotten their existence -- it hadn't been something she really wanted to think about, truth be told. She'd actually tried pretty hard not to think about it, and apparently it had worked. "I think I... threw them under there to make sure Matthew didn't see them," she added lamely, not helping the situation at all, but she wasn't really very good at functioning. She struggled to remember the exact details of that day and pretty much ended up just floundering around, but she did remember tossing them under the bed for that very reason. Matthew, she was sure, would not have been pleased.

She had managed to look directly at him finally, which meant that she definitely did not miss the look on Devin's face when she mentioned Yeager's name. He looked... angry? No, it wasn't even exactly anger, it was something that she couldn't place, which made her anxious, because she had gotten to know Devin fairly well at this point. It was rare that a habit or an expression completely baffled her. Did he actually think that she...? It was Sandra's turn for a weird look, though this one was more confused and hurt and guilty all at once. "Devin..." She really hadn't done anything, though, and she didn't know why she felt guilty but now she really did, probably because she had really messed up this explanation and now she didn't know what to do and she felt so bad for reasons that she probably would never be able to explain. "I didn't... I wouldn't --" She stopped, not sure what she was trying to say. "You know I wouldn't," she said finally, her mouth dry even though she was very convicted in her statement, actually -- she was always certain that he trusted her as much as she did him, but this stupid situation was kind of getting in the way of rational thought. She felt the need to explain somehow.

She gave another jerky nod. "Y-yeah, kind of." She took a deep breath before trying to explain again, hoping that this time it would be more coherent. It might be if she had really understood what had happened that day, but Yeager tended to confuse her sometimes. "I-I mean, it's Yeager, he's ridiculous all the time and I don't know why he even had them, but he just -- I don't even know -- he just said something about how they were really, um," she paused, not finding the words, "oh, they were like, awkward or distracting or something and he didn't like them, or, or something, so." Apparently this had led him to wanting to pawn them off on Sandra, but he obviously hadn't picked the right person, judging by the way this was going so far. She would have buried her face in her hands if she hadn't been holding something.

There was a long pause after what he said next, before she slowly shook her head and stuttered, "U-um, no, I... I don't think so." She wasn't sure why he would have thought about it, though -- Sandra never thought about her friends' sex lives, but then again, she was a fairly special case. "Or I mean... now he does, I guess. I kind of told him when he..." Her eyes glanced at the condom and she probably turned three shades redder in that fraction of a second. "But um... n-no, I don't think he knew before. I mean, I don't think he left them behind on purpose either, he just kind of -- forgot -- or something, I think -- but I didn't know what to do." Oh lord, this was worse and worse for her to explain by the minute.

She almost apologized for apologizing but stopped, sighing when he did too, actually a little bit out of breath from all the awful stuttering and messing up her own words. "I... okay," she said quietly, looking away. "Just... hang on." She walked over to the other side of the room where her desk was, setting the plates down. Something was more important than food (which was a very rare occurrence for Sandra, actually, so this was quite serious). "I... I don't know either," she managed as she walked back over to the bed, sitting and hugging her knees up to her chest, giving him a look of complete hopelessness. Sandra really did not know what to say at all about things like this. "I mean, we... we don't have to talk about it right now," she offered meekly, her voice squeaking a little bit. She was still much too warm for it to be normal. "But... I don't know. Maybe we should talk now, considering... with... with this." Sandra really did not know how to approach a topic like sex, though. It was something that she'd never really thought about before at all.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

His mind felt so incredibly fuzzy right now trying to comprehend all of this. His fingers still held the condom, though they twitched with the urge to drop it on the floor. He merely nodded when she mentioned Matthew; that did make perfect sense, considering he was the older brother. Devin was intimidated by him--though that wasn't saying too much, probably--but that would mean him finding those little things in her room could end up going horribly wrong. As much of a guy as he could be, he would never do anything with Sandra that was not approved of by her, but he knew how irrational big brothers could be considering he was one. If Athena had condoms in her room...no, he couldn't even think about that right now. He rotated the condom mindlessly as he tried to come up with something--anything--to say.

They finally made eye contact, the expression on his face probably quite evident. Then, the guilt forced its way in and quickly he turned away from her. It wasn't her fault. Nothing had been done. He believed that firmly. Yet his mind kept trying to take him to a place of insecurity and remind him of how inadequate he had felt all along, how she could do better. No, stop! If Devin could have grabbed the side of his head without looking forlorn, he would have. Instead his blue eyes drifted back to hers when she said his name. As always, his stomach felt butterflies, even when he was a huge puddle of random emotions that he couldn't sort out. "Yeah, yeah I know you wouldn't," He finally replied, though the words were quiet. "I'm sorry, I just...instinct, I guess. When you find a condom in your girlfriend's room and they mention another guy--" There was a strange, almost dry laugh but it was not aimed at her. He was frustrated with himself for even remotely doubting Sandra. "It was a stupid assumption though. You're not that kind of person." There was a small smile on his face to reassure her. The girls he dated in the past had been that way though, which might have explained his brief panic.

"...I guess I can see how that would be possible," Devin finally replied after Sandra rambled about how she obtained the condoms in the first place. There was relief loosening the knots in his stomach, at least. Yeager was Yeager and he had never given the Earth any reason to feel hesitant around him before, so there was no need to now. He took a nice, deep intake of breath to continue calming himself. Calming his mind. Then he chuckled again, though this time it was more out of amusement. "I don't think I could ever bring myself to use something like glow-in-the-dark condoms. Not very appealing." Of course the talk was making him feel nervous, not because of Yeager or anything but because of the fact that they were discussing what they never brought up in their year or so of dating. This felt like very unfamiliar territory and left him fidgeting with his hands more than necessary. Of course, it didn't help that now Yeager seemed to be aware of their sex life--or well, lack thereof. That was awkward. He loved looking at his feet now; he could watch himself wiggle his toes and find a distraction from the blush that burned his cheeks and ears. "He probably didn't," Devin tried to see the best of the situation. "But...even if he did it's not a big deal or anything. I don't think I'd-- well, and you wouldn't want--" Again with the fumbling. This was exactly why he had not said much this entire time. Nothing came out right.

He nodded a little bit, offering a 'mhmm' of sorts in agreement while he waited for Sandra to set down the plates and make her way back to the bed. Out of instinct, he wanted to reach out and pull her into a reassuring hug to let her know that they were okay, that he wasn't mad--freaked out yes, but not mad--but that felt like the wrong move right now. They were discussing a topic that...that required physical contact and he had no idea where Sandra was at with her thoughts. Would it make her anxious? Devin didn't want her to pull away. The squeak in her voice made him flinch a little; obviously it wasn't really an easy thing to talk about when it had never exactly been tossed into conversation. At the same time, it was there in front of them and he wondered if ignoring it would do any good. He simply wanted the awkwardness and nervousness to go away.

Another hand ran through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck as he gave an almost inaudible sigh. "We don't have to but...as you said, maybe it's best to go ahead." He glanced at her and wore a frown, a real frown. Nothing playful, no pouting, nothing that said he was kidding around. How do you even start a conversation like that, though? For him, in the past, it was basically the girl displayed an interest and he displayed it back. But this wasn't the same. The other girls had been looking for just that one thing. Sandra was a person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and scaring her away would not be a good idea. Still, he cleared his throat and attempted speaking. "I...I know that I've uh..." Wow, this was definitely harder than he thought. "I've had...relationships that were, uh, a bit more..physical," That felt like molasses as it slipped past his lips, slow and unwilling to move. "B-but I don't want you to think that, just because of that, I want you to uhm..." He sighed and scooted closer to her, barely touching her knee. "I don't want you...to feel like that needs to...ugh." Devin dropped his head on his hand, which now rested fully on her knee, his lips moving as though silently muttering profanities at himself. Why was this so goddamn hard?

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

She was relieved but not really surprised when she got the vote of confidence -- relationships were built on trust. They trusted each other. That was good. "No, it's... it's okay, it was my fault," she said quietly. wishing she hadn't said that, but Sandra really wasn't very good at explaining things at all. She had never meant it to sound like that -- she probably shouldn't have said his name at all, but it was pertinent information for the following explanation. "I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm really bad at... talking," she said with an almost pained expression. For someone who spent so much time talking, she was very bad at it when it was actually important somehow. She looked away for a second to gather her thoughts and then looked back, giving him a tiny smile in return. "But... but I'm glad you know." There was a tiny lump in her throat but, she told herself, it was okay, everything was okay. "I mean, I guess I'd... I guess I'd do the same thing. B-but I mean, I trust you," she quickly added. She realized that she said those words all the time -- I trust you -- but rarely in as serious a context as this. She still meant it now, though. Sandra was a naturally trusting person, and really, if she couldn't trust Devin, there were very few people she could trust.

Glad that they seemed to have reached some kind of understanding, she nodded, more slowly this time. Good. Good, this was progress, they seemed to have gotten here through all of the awkward rambling and nonsense. She wished she had been able to describe all of this in a better way, but it was good that they weren't still fumbling around trying to understand, at least. There was no need to go back and repeat all of that, though Sandra had to admit that it still wasn't too much better now. "Yeah. I know, it's really... really weird, but it's -- I don't know," she said, sighing a little bit. "I don't know how he operates. He's just -- I don't know." She liked Yeager and all, and thought he was a great friend, but this was horrible and awkward now and Sandra kind of wished she had never gone to meet him that day. Ugh.

When he started laughing, her mouth actually twitched a little bit -- she almost giggled but her face was still very warm, especially when he talked about actually using these glow-in-the-dark condoms... or, uh, not using them. Yeah. "N-no, probably not," she said, still smiling a little bit as she watched him just sitting there and chuckling to himself. Even through the awkwardness of their discussing the gaudiest condoms ever, she was genuinely relieved that he was okay and not completely panicking. "You're so cute," she said without thinking, before she stopped, blinked, and told herself off silently for saying that. That was probably not the right time for a comment like that. "I-I-I mean... You okay?" she asked, clearing her throat a little. She hoped he was okay. Smiling a little bit was a good sign, right?

Next second of course, she seemed to have ruined it by more talking, which was kind of frustrating, but she kept silent. She bit her lip and watched as he watched his feet. She understood -- in some moments, the best thing to do was just avert her gaze completely. She couldn't this time, though -- she really just hoped he was okay with everything and that his aversion was... awkwardness or something, not anger or something worse. "Yeah, I don't think so," she said softly. Yeager was ridiculous and all over the place but he was a friend, and she'd told him that she didn't want or need them, and she trusted that he wouldn't do something like that just to mess with her. "I -- yeah, no, you wouldn't -- I wouldn't --" She struggled with the words and then gave up, sighing again, this time in frustration. "I have no idea what you're trying to say," she admitted, unable to form proper understanding through the fumbling. It probably should have been obvious, but Sandra was just incapable of picking up on whatever this was.

When she'd finally made her way back to her bed and curled up a little, he was rubbing the back of his head. That was probably a sign of discomfort. She wished it didn't have to be like this, but there was no way to fix that now, except maybe to just drop this and just change the topic. No, she figured, no, that wouldn't help at all. The awkwardness would most certainly stay with them through it. "Yeah," was the only word she could come up with, the lump returning to her throat when she saw his frown. It was sad and disheartening -- they were never like this! She took a deep breath as he seemed to try to compose himself before starting, but she was otherwise silent as he spoke. She didn't move away, letting him lean on her knee when he came closer and dropped his head. There was a long pause after he stopped speaking before she was able to figure out something to do. It took another deep breath. "Hey... Hey, listen, it's..." She trailed off, then reached out a hand and cupped his face as best she could when he had his head down. "I like us how we are already, right now," she said finally, quietly, brushing her thumb gently against his cheek. "A-and... I mean... Do you mind, though? I mean, is it..." She bit her lip for a second. "Is it weird? Does it bother you? Or... I mean... Because... I mean, I know it's kind of been a long time..." She remembered how Yeager had put it, at least -- "It's been how long now? Doesn't that mean you're just friends?" Only now, later, when she was confronted with it, did the words turn themselves over in her head. Sandra wished they wouldn't do that.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

Devin shook his head and frowned, clearly not satisfied with her comment on her communication skills. He couldn't very well blame her for reacting the way she did and being unable to come up with the proper way to talk about the little packet, since it was unexpected. Being ill prepared for a situation like that could be paralyzing. He wasn't doing much better anyway. His sentences were just as incoherent. "It's really okay. Don't apologize." Devin pleaded with her quietly, trying to keep her from saying sorry for unnecessary things. He felt calmer now, at least about the Yeager thing, and was able to cope with things a little better. His lip twitched a smile. "I'm glad you do." Trust was such an important aspect of a relationship and without it, where would they be? This discussion could have blown up into an argument, which would have been scary. Devin didn't like arguing, or having confrontation of any sort.

"He...he didn't know though. So it's okay." He tried to keep anyone from being the bad guy here, because really it was all one big misunderstanding. A weird and uncomfortable misunderstanding but one none the less. Yeager didn't know, Sandra didn't think about anyone finding them, nevermind using them, and Devin wasn't expecting to find them or have the discussion.

Out of anything he expected his girlfriend to say, it certainly wasn't a complement. He turned to look at her, blinking, looking just as stunned as she did before smiling at her softly. He appreciated it no matter the situation and felt bad that, right now, it did seem a bit out of place considering. "Thanks," The Earth replied quickly. His cheeks were still burning. "I'm alright. Just-- yeah. Not really sure what to do about all of this. My mind is still...kinda, you know, a mess. But I'm not mad or anything," He reassured her. "Just...obviously wasn't expecting this." His mind felt like mush, to be honest, and he had difficulty shaking it off. The initial shock was wearing off but he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that sex was now somewhat of a discussion. That had never happened before now. How do you talk about something with someone who had never really experienced any of it before? He wanted to be sensitive and drop it altogether but that was hard too. The awkwardness still lingered. When he tried to rectify himself about the condoms and it came out a jumble of nonsense, he sighed and shook his head. "I don't really know what I'm trying to say either. Sorry.." This wasn't helping. Good one, Devin.

He lay there on her knee, still upset with himself for making absolutely no sense (again, how many times now?). There felt like no right way to talk about it without making it worse. When Sandra's hand touched his cheek, Devin let out a small sigh of relief and turned his head to the side to look at her sadly. He fought closing his eyes at her touch. "Y-yeah," He replied lamely at first, then swallowed hard. Why did she have to ask that? Slowly he put his head up, just enough to look at her. "It's not weird...just--" Devin felt tongue tied. "Just...different. I'm not used to it, is all." Was "different" even an antonym for weird? Or at least something remotely separate from it? He thought so but maybe she wouldn't. "Yeah, It has been a long time, but our relationship isn't based on just physical things. I love you." Devin reached out and settled his own hand on her cheek. "I...I don't want to go f-forever without it but I don't..I don't want to make you uncomfortable or scare you or anything." That was the last thing he wanted to do.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Sandra almost apologized for apologizing, but thought that this would just create one giant circle of apologizing, and she figured it would be best to avoid all of that. "Okay," she said softly instead, nodding. He did seem calmer now, which helped to settle her down a little bit too. She took a deep breath and smiled back at him just a little. "Me too." Trust was good and important and always necessary in a relationship. Luckily, this had never been an issue for them, not as far as she knew. "Yeah, he didn't," she said, sighing, shaking her head a little. "And he... you know. He means well. I think. I can't blame him for that." She didn't want to pin anything on anyone either. "I guess I should have just left them there... but it's too late now anyway..." Sandra couldn't have been able to do that, either, without feeling awful for the poor employee who'd have to find them and wonder what the hell was going on later, though. She'd probably panic if she found something like that left behind at the restaurant -- but maybe this had more to do with it being Sandra than anything else. She was a special case.

She nodded a few times in quick succession when he said that his mind was a mess. That was a feeling she knew very well at the moment -- she couldn't ever hold something like that against someone else, and certainly not Devin when they were both in this strange, strange situation together. "Yeah, I know," she said sympathetically. She nodded one more time, more firmly this time rather than frantically, but she was mostly relieved. "Good. I don't want you to be mad," she said with the plainness of a child -- of course nobody ever wanted someone to be mad at them, but for Sandra, this felt like something worth noting aloud at the moment. She tried to hold onto these little things that she could say -- clearly, her other attempts at speaking hadn't been any good thus far, so this would be a good exercise for her. "And yeah. Yeah, me either, it's okay." She frowned when he apologized, though -- now it was her turn. "No, don't apologize. It's... it's hard, I know." Neither of them seemed to be particularly eloquent anymore. She wished she could just hug him and they could just forget the past little bit, but this didn't seem to be a very real possibility at all.

A few seconds passed and she let him stay there on her knee. There were probably many things that it wouldn't occur to her to say until later -- that it was okay and she was sorry for all of this and he could take his time and so on and so forth -- but she just stayed mostly silent at first before finally speaking. The sad look on his face when he finally looked at her was awful, and she gave a tiny sigh of sadness herself just at seeing it, before she leaned over (with some minor difficulty, considering how she was sitting) and kissed his forehead. "It's okay," she managed to say finally, though what she meant by "it", she had no real idea. Everything. That was good. Everything would be okay, even though it was pretty lousy and awkward and completely unlike them right now. She listened for a long moment, but couldn't help but ask, kind of meekly, "Bad different? Or... good different? Or just different." It probably wasn't the second one, but she hoped it wasn't the first, either. She could live with just different. His next words were more reassuring, at least. She bit her lip but tried to smile at him a little. "I love you too." She didn't bother to fight it like he did, just let her eyes fall closed when he put a hand on her cheek. Even in a moment like this, that was so comfortable. Only after a second did she open her eyes again. "I know. And I don't think it'll be forever," she said, shaking her head at him a little, moving her hand from his cheek to rest around his shoulders gently. "I mean, I don't know, b-but... it's not... I mean... I just don't know when, or... or anything." There was a lot Sandra didn't know, actually. It was kind of frustrating at times like these.

[DEVIN JAMES THATCHER]

It was certainly too late to think about leaving the condoms behind at the restaurant, but Devin liked to believe everything happened for a reason. Everything had its time and place and apparently this was the time and place for...whatever this was, as unexpected and awkward as it could possibly be. He chuckled and dipped his head to the side. "You know I could never be mad at you." Not only was it not in his nature to hold grudges and feel bitterness towards others for extended periods of time, but this was Sandra. The girl he fell for all those months ago. She was the last person he could think to be angry with. He rubbed the back of his head and sighed. There was a lot of sighing going on on his end. "I just wish I knew what to say." Everything came out wrong, or half assed, or not even understandable. He felt bad for being unable to function the way he should.

He now allowed himself to close his eyes when she kissed his forehead. Her words were reassuring. Of course her next question left him silent. If he could have groaned aloud, he would have. Strangely enough the boy knew the answer but always felt trapped when someone asked him if something was good or bad. On one end it felt bad, but not because of her. It was because he had been celibate for over a year now and that was strange. New. He decided not to push things with Sandra since she had never experienced any of it before, and still did not regret it despite how different it was. In some ways it was also good because his life before her had been full of one night stands and meaningless sex, something that led to nowhere. Now he had a path, something and someone to look forward to. Someone who wanted him for him and nothing else. Knowing this made his heart skip a beat. Aside from his family and best friend, no one really embraced him as fully and readily as Sandra did. He smiled. "It's just different," He said finally, knowing this answer was best but also seeing the other ends of the spectrum in his head. "I won't lie...i-it's not been the easiest thing for me but.." Devin was feeling a bit more confident now, his words solid, though the sentences still trailed off now and again.

Taking her closing her eyes as a good sign, Devin scooted towards her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close. The awkwardness was not going to stop him from being affectionate towards her anymore. That wasn't fair. "I don't need to know when," He replied softly, kissing her nose gently. "No pressure, no nothing. Okay? Whenever it happens, it happens. I just want you by my side forever." It sounded so cheesy and really mushy but he meant every word. Would it be easy to ignore urges? Not necessarily, but he was going to try his best. Whenever Sandra was ready, Devin would be too. Giving the girl a reassuring smile, he pulled her in and gave her a deep kiss before pulling back to gather air. "We should...get to watching our movie now I think. And the food is probably cold..." He twisted his head to take a glance at the dresser where she abandoned the plates and frowned a little. He felt bad. At least that conversation went over well. A bit fumbly and some excessive stuttering but they seemed to wind up at the same place in the end.

[SANDRA HARU CHANG]

Her fingers brushed absently against his cheek while she waited in the silence that followed, smiling just a little when she saw him close his eyes. She tried not to dwell on what she thought his answer might be, thinking instead about how cute he was and how peaceful he looked when he was like that. He looked a little less peaceful after her question, truthfully, but his answer at least seemed calm and alright and came with a smile. She smiled back at him, nodding slowly. "Okay," she managed to say. That was what she had been expecting, anyway, so that was good -- but "bad different" would have honestly made her feel terrible. "Yeah, I... I want you to be honest," she said, shaking her head a little when he said that he wouldn't lie to her. "I just... don't want you to feel bad about it. Or like... find it too hard. Or anything." She inferred what he meant by the final "but", however, and gave him a small, grateful smile. "But you're the best, you know." It came from no such thing as firsthand experience, but she was sure that other guys weren't necessarily as alright with this as Devin was. She felt even luckier to have him than normal. "I... Just... Thank you," she managed finally after struggling for a second. She didn't even know what else to do right now, really. Her brain was still a mess, but she was at least feeling calmer and more rational than before.

She felt it when he got closer instead of really seeing it -- her eyes were still closed. She only opened them lazily to smile kind of dorkily at him when she felt the kiss on her nose. "Forever," she affirmed quietly before leaning against him, nuzzling his shoulder. "I love you," she mumbled again, for no real reason except that she did and she could say it whenever she wanted, thanks very much. The kiss, after all of that awkwardness (which was, luckily, actually resolved), left her a little bit dazed, and it took her a moment to follow his gaze over to where the pancakes were. "Oh yeah," she said, blinking -- she'd actually kind of forgotten about them. "Here, I can... go try to heat them up. They might be kind of gross after, though, but..." She'd mostly feel bad that Paul had gone to the trouble, but it was alright. She kissed his cheek before grabbing the plates and leaving the room, handing one to him when she returned. They actually hadn't turned out that badly, after all. "Movie time?" she asked happily, balancing the laptop between them and their food, curling up against her boyfriend. Movie time sounded good right now.

(thread end~)