LOST MYSELF SOMEWHERE IN IT [josh]

[SKYE JESSICA FORD]

Halloween was fast approaching -- it would be next week. Skye missed going trick-or-treating like she had when she was younger -- but that was even before coming to the Academy. Mostly she missed the candy -- nobody tossed her chocolate anymore just for being little and cute and in a costume. That was a pity, and something that Skye regretted deeply about getting older. There were few things that were that good about being a child. Getting candy once a year for just walking around ringing strangers' doorbells was one of the more really awesome things that she was going to miss. Many people were going to early Halloween parties and what-not, considering it would fall on a weekday and that was just a stupid day for going out and getting drunk. It was the Friday before, however, and while people were out, Skye had holed herself up in the library instead, deciding that she had no desire to take the bus into Maple Hollow just to get stupidly drunk.

Besides which, her professors didn't seem to care that it was a Very Important Drinkig Weekend for half their students, so she still had quite a bit to do. She had commandeered an entire table, otherwise for use by three or four students, by herself -- it was a weird time of day and there were few people around. Most were either out or having dinner or something. It was for that reason that she'd taken refuge here in the first place -- Skye had no desire to see people right now. Spread across the table were multiple reference books, a few pages of her notes, and in the middle of it her laptop, on which she typed furiously. Essays would be the death of her one day, but they were something that had to be done, considering her major. Her fingers paused for a moment -- there was a quote that belonged here somewhere... She checked her notes, to no avail, then the books, but... damn it, maybe that was one of the ones she'd placed back on the shelf earlier, thinking she no longer needed it. It had been in the History section -- something Winston Churchill had once said. She heaved a long breath in and out of her nose to refrain from sighing before saving her work and getting up -- she never felt good leaving her laptop alone for more than a few moments at a time but nobody was around, and she'd hopefully be able to get back to it soon.

Skye wandered over to the section, walking slowly so that she could scan the shelves. It took her a moment to spot the tall figure a little further down the aisle -- which was surprising, because he really was tall, but when she did she almost froze. Thankfully, she had long trained herself not to react to her first instincts, and aside from a quick second glance, she made no movement to acknowledge Joshua Dale's presence. The gears in her brain had started turning, though. It had been a long time since she'd last spoken to Josh -- literally months and months, ever since that day in the park, which... she tried not to think about now. Of course she did, though. It had made her angry for a long time -- partially at him, because he'd been a jerk that day, but... Skye probably should have known better. She'd said some stupid things that day, too. For a few long moments she averted her eyes, looking straight at the books on the shelves instead, but he stayed in her peripheral vision. Something nagged at her. We're supposed to be friends. This is stupid. Yeah. Yeah, it was. Without even making the conscious decision, her feet had carried her over so that she was standing next to Josh -- well, at least, a few feet to his left, anyway, and she didn't think she was willing to come any closer just yet even though it appeared he was standing right in front of the section of books she needed.

"Hey, Joshua." There was a lump in her throat -- she swallowed it. It was like metaphorically swallowing her pride. Fuck.

(i... am sorry she didn't talk very much, but she really doesn't know how he's going to react at all. XD you don't have to match! sorry most of this post was pointless!)

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

School is going to be the death of me. The thought was tired as the frazzled college sophomore stared at the array of notes that lay before him, words seeming to blend together after so long studying them. He could feel a headache settling in, a dull ache in the back of his skull that would no doubt spread and start pounding any minute now. The pressure to finish the last large projects and papers before finals would not normally have concerned him. He was studious and thus always ahead of schedule, spending more time in the library than he did with friends and family. However, having two majors was proving to be more difficult than he'd ever imagined. Freshman year had been enough of a struggle but now with classes of a higher difficulty, he was questioning his own sanity. Fuck, my head.

He bore the usual signs of college stress as he stood up from the table where he sat alone—ruffled hair, bags under his eyes, sluggish movements. He'd only gotten three hours of sleep the night before and it was coming back to bite him now. The tall fire rubbed the back of his neck and yawned before heading toward the history reference section, knowing that there were some books he hadn't retrieved that would no doubt help him with the paper he was finalizing. His lone table was already covered with books but as a perfectionist he would not be satisfied until he felt like he'd gone over everything.

Another yawn parted his lips as he knelt down to run his fingers over the bottom row of books, glazed gray eyes scanning titles. Nope, nope, nope... He wished he could recall the name of the specific volume he was thinking of. His memory was usually kind to him but after hours without sleep and a caffeine crash settling in, he was lucky he could recall his own name. He had straightened up and was flipping through a book with a frown playing his lips when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and a familiar voice jolted him from his thoughts. He froze in the flipping of pages, shoulders tensing automatically. It was a defensive reaction as he brought his gaze away from the book to meet that of an ex-friend with whom he hadn't spoken in months. His memory didn't spare him the details of that particular last encounter as the recollections came rushing back. Residual anger and hurt, storming off in a huff to lose himself in a game of tennis. He wished he could block it out as easily as he had that stupid title. He blinked. It had been months now.

He could hold a grudge. He didn't apologise. But she'd been a friend since ninth grade and something stopped him from glaring and snapping at her, or else ignoring her entirely. He cleared his throat awkwardly and returned, "Hey." There was the childish urge to avert his gaze but his pride did not allow him such relief. What now? He became acutely aware of the fact that he was standing in front of a section of shelving and, as they were in the library, it did not take him long to figure out what might be going on. Oh. "I'll get out of your way." There was none of the cold bitterness that had contaminated his tone during their argument but it was not warm and friendly, either. Instead he kept his words carefully neutral. Was it bad that he'd almost hoped for a moment that she had greeted him as more than a lead-up to asking him to move? He pushed the thought aside, determined not to feel disappointment as he stepped back from the section of books so that she could access them.

[SKYE JESSICA FORD]

It was so quiet. Of course it was -- it was a library. Part of Skye wished that there were at least a few other people around, discussing things and making that buzzing of random chatter like they might have in the mess hall or just randomly in the hallway -- she didn't even generally like people that much, but it would have at least settled her mind. Most of Skye, however, was also well aware that she would never have even bothered coming up anywhere near Joshua at school if there had been more people around. Actually, she hadn't seen anyone in quite some time, and she'd been sitting in a fairly open area of the library. For all she knew, it was just the two of them in there, and maybe a librarian or two poking around the place. It wasn't like she'd even said anything chancy -- had just said his name, really, and had even used his entire first name, which was actually rare and somehow much more impersonal than just "Josh".

She wasn't even sure what she had been planning to say to him when she greeted him, so she actually blinked in a little bit of surprise when eh said that he would move. Well, he was right, anyway -- and her assumption had been correct too, because when she walked over she saw that the exact book she'd been looking for was essentially directly where he'd been standing. "Thank you," she said, not letting her surprise (or really, any other emotion) creep into her tone. She stepped aside too, in case he needed the shelf still. Her fingers flipped through the pages of the book until she found what she was looking for -- she kept a few fingers held there to hold the page. Josh was still standing there. She wanted to say something -- anything. Even a simple "bye" would have been acceptable, or maybe "I'll see you around". That would imply some kind of future conversation. She allowed her eyes to scan his face for a brief moment so that he wouldn't suspect she was staring at him or something, before she turned her gaze back to the back cover of her book, pretending to read it.

When she finally looked up at him again and opened her mouth, it wasn't to say that she would see him around -- well, maybe it was. That wasn't what came out, anyway. "Can we talk?" It was amazing how much things had changed in the past couple of months, really, but as someone who generally didn't like to think in sentimental terms, she didn't want to admit how weird it had been without one of her closest friends. They had known each other for years. There were always other people to talk to, of course there were -- the Academy was full of students -- but it wasn't like Skye had ever had enough really, really good friends to have to use both her fingers and toes to count them. That would be a good way to put it. She did want to talk, though. "About... last time." Apparently she wasn't capable of sentences any longer than three words, but "last time" was probably the best way to put it -- the last time they'd spoken and so on... yet she wanted to talk again. That worked so well the last time. Skye didn't say this aloud -- there had been plenty of spitting out words on instinct last time, and she didn't need to repeat that... ever, in her life. It occurred to her, however, that she was going to have to apologize, or something like it, and it almost made her want to walk away completely. She wasn't completely cold-hearted, but apologies never came easily. "Unless you're busy," she concluded after a brief pause -- again with just three words. If he was busy, or just didn't want to talk, that was probably to be expected, now that she thought about it. She didn't let her face show how big of a moment this was for her, just to ask him in the first place.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

He gave an absent nod and backed off a few steps. He wished that he could head to another section of the library to escape the awkwardness that had settled over the area but he had yet to find the books that he needed from the section. He was almost tempted to wander off anyway, to wait until she'd left in order to return. It was the coward's way of dealing with things but it was a strong temptation given the situation. Pride kept him rooted to the spot, shifting his weight over onto one side and tapping the book against the palm of one hand as he waited for her to retrieve what she was looking for. It was not a sign of impatience, merely a habit akin to the tapping of fingers or the twirling of hair. A distraction, one that he needed.

After finding her book and moving out of his way, Joshua expected Skye to go off on her own without another word. That was how it had been for the two of them for months. The uncomfortable greeting had been the only words they'd exchanged since their fight and he didn't expect that to change. So when he tugged his own desired volume from the shelf and straightened back up, he was surprised to see that she was still standing there. She stood blocking the only way back to his secluded table, as the other direction would only lead to a dead-end maze of bookshelves. He was figuring out how to ask her to move (did he say "excuse me?" or would he be less formal than that?) when she spoke, diverting his train of thought elsewhere.

Talk? His surprise was not displayed on his carefully neutral expression. He was not sure how to respond and so he was silent for several seconds as his brain fought to process what she meant. Oh, he knew what she meant. There could only be one thing they talked about after so long without speaking. It was how he was going to respond to this request that had him temporarily tongue-tied. The silence was not incredibly long or drawn out but it was enough for Skye to voice her unneeded elaboration. Though he had already guessed what she wanted to talk about, this further prompting pushed him to respond. "Sure." The word did not stick in his throat but he surprised himself. Pride had not won this time. Like it or not, he missed his friend. He didn't have a lot of friends, less so now that he'd switched sides and lost most of those that he did have. Unfortunately, agreeing meant extending this awkward encounter for a little longer.

Deciding that it was best to get comfortable if they were going to commit to this, he gestured silently back toward where he'd abandoned his studies and led the way to the table. It was always quiet in this part of the library so long as the place wasn't over its regular capacity. It was what he liked about it. Sitting down, he placed the books he'd retrieved with the others but closed his laptop, training his attention on Skye instead. "So, uh..." He usually avoided situations that set him on edge and almost didn't know how to deal with this one. What did you say at a time like this? "What did you want to talk about?" Oh, he knew what she wanted to talk about in a broad sense but what did she want to say about their fight? About everything that had happened since then? He didn't know where to start. She'd been the one to initiate, he was going to let her take the lead in getting the awkward beginnings out of the way.

[SKYE JESSICA FORD]

Should she miss him, really, considering the nature of the fight they'd had? Skye tried to figure out the answer but it was much harder than she would have thought -- truthfully, she had no idea if she should miss him or not. There were so many variables in this whole thing, considering the reasonings behind the argument in the first place. She did know that she did miss Josh, whether she should or not -- it wasn't like Skye was the type to need constant attention (quite the opposite, truthfully) but it was, actually, sometimes lonely without someone she'd used to spend a lot of time with. Well, they had spent quite a bit of time by their own standards, anyway -- she wouldn't say either of them were social butterflies, however, so these standards might have been somewhat skewed. God, that was kind of pathetic. Skye had never liked to be ruled by emotions, but she let it happen sometimes. Most of the time, logic dictated her actions -- but Skye knew that this wasn't even a remotely logical thing to do, just walking up to him and asking to talk.

She just nodded when he agreed after the long pause -- she was sure it had been shorter than it'd felt, though. She was usually a patient person. This situation was not usual at all. Skye didn't say a word as she followed him back, didn't even really acknowledge his gesture except by following, keeping relative distance just in case. Luckily, the library was quiet, even quieter than usual. Nobody was around here either where he was seated, quite far away from her own. Her thoughts drifted to her laptop, which would be sitting there unattended. Hopefully nothing happened to it -- she could worry about it later, however. She tried to keep her mind on the moment but couldn't help thinking that, at least, if things got too uncomfortable, she could use her abandoned computer as an excuse to walk away. Still, she hoped that it wouldn't come to that; there were things she genuinely wanted to say, and that wouldn't work if she turned and left at the first turn for the worse.

Somehow, it seemed that she'd thought about this conversation before, if they were ever going to have it, and so she always knew how the conversation had to start. Even so, she held onto the words as she stood there, hesitating just for a fraction of a second before she pulled up a chair and sat as well. Her posture wasn't necessarily the most comfortable, and was in fact rather stiff -- pretending to be casual at this point was useless -- but it was less awkward than standing. Besides that, maybe they just needed to be on the same level for once in the past few months. Now seated, she turned to look at him, taking a silent but deep breath -- she didn't let it show in the rise and fall of her chest. She wasn't comfortable, but he didn't need to see all the nervous habits. Nobody ever did, actually. "That day in the park," she said finally, her voice steady and calm. "I know it may have seemed like it, but -- I wasn't actually trying to start a fight." It wasn't necessarily an apology, which she avoided for now, but hopefully it was a good enough start.

Things had never gotten better after the fight that had happened anyway, however, and thinking back, Skye knew that they had actually never seriously done anything like that in all the time they'd known each other. They couldn't have. If they had, it would have probably meant the end of their friendship, because they were both useless at, in the end, patching things up. Today was evidence of that. It was a thought that made her want to wince, but her expression didn't even shift. "But I know that everything's different now." That was true. Just from walking around the school minding her own business, she had noticed that Joshua and Nell had become closer, and wondered if they knew how dangerous that was, even if it was ridiculous. She'd always known that if they really wanted to do this, though, one of them would have to turn sides eventually -- and she'd also always known that it would have to be Josh. The Fires and Thunders would never allow the opposite -- and besides which, Skye thought, why would anyone want to join the Fires and Thunders anyway? "Did you switch again?" Even when he'd sort of returned to his side of the alliance, just sort of, they hadn't spoken. All she knew was hearsay. "For good?" It wasn't said accusingly. She hoped he didn't interpret it that way.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

The tension made him uncomfortable. He did not deal well with situations like this. Apt to retreat and settle for ignorance when something did not sit right with him, talking it out seemed like a stupid and dangerous idea. Yet here he was. Why? Though he hated to admit it to himself, he had given in because Skye used to be a friend. A good friend, a person who came as close to understanding him as anyone could. He did not allow others to see past his walls but it was those who could lean against those walls without being shoved away that he valued highly. Devin, Lark, and Skye had been his only three friends and with his treachery he had complicated those relationships something terrible. If there was any regret, he suppressed it well, but there was a nagging conscience in the back of his mind that liked to remind him of the 'good old days'. It was that conscience that forced him to sit down at the table and face her now.

What was she going to say? He recalled their last conversation with a hint of bitterness and suspicion. Was this going to be another confrontation? He waited silently with that nagging concern in the back of his mind. It would need to be Skye that started this conversation, as Joshua did not know where to begin. How did one make allusions to their fight without dipping their toe in dangerous waters? She finally spoke and he blinked, expression unreadable. A rush of residual anger caught in his throat. Oh, weren't you? He had a better handle on himself than he had back then and so the words did not jump from his thoughts to his lips, merely burning into the back of his mind like they'd been etched there. Instead of lashing out, he took a moment to think about it. Taking a breath, he worked his jaw and then managed a careful, "Neither was I." He hadn't went there with the intention of losing a close friend. He did not admit that he was wrong to have lost his temper, for this was still Joshua, but it hadn't been the goal in mind. He had been angry and looking for a reason to snap.

She acknowledged the differences between then and now and he was silent, drinking that in. Things really are different, aren't they? His thoughts went to Nell and the usual fluttering tickled at his chest. They'd been dating for some months now and though the relationship had not progressed to a more serious intimacy, he was content. His element had turned on him more than they ever had but he had come to accept this, now. They would not let him back, no matter whether he broke things off with Nell or not. And he did not want to break up with her because she made him happier than he'd been in a long while.

He seemed to analyse the question, eyes narrowing slightly as he struggled to detect any kind of animosity to her tone. There was none, not like before. Things are different now. It seemed like the motto for this conversation. He folded his hands on the table so that he was not tempted to fidget, though he still ran his left thumb over his right. "I did," he said at last. The words were not stubborn or accompanied by a sneer. He did not glare at her as he met her gaze. He was not ashamed and he wished to show her this, but he also did not want another fight. He was tired of all the fighting, he'd had enough of it by now. "They wouldn't have let me come back, even if I'd wanted to." She knew how alliances worked—they both did. Once you toed a certain line, they had their eye on you. Cross that line as Joshua had and you weren't coming back. He had chosen to date an Earth elemental, the greatest form of treachery in their eyes. "And I don't want to." What would she make of that? He had no desire to return, no intentions of trying to win over his old allies and friends. It was not that he detested ex-friends like Skye but he did not feel at home among his old alliance. Not any more.

[SKYE JESSICA FORD]

It was almost eerily quiet in the library, and Skye sort of wanted to talk just to fill the silence and the space, but she refrained. She usually wasn't the type to mind the quiet -- it was more peaceful than anything, really -- but this was just too uncomfortable.She didn't know what to do with all of this, truthfully, but the room was kind of stifling at this point. It was a very big space, actually, but packed with shelves of books everywhere. Did it usually feel this stuffy in here? No, she was pretty certain that this feeling was just her mind telling her to get the hell out of there. She wasn't pacifistic, but she wasn't a particularly confrontational person. Besides that, their last experience had shown her that confrontation did not generally work out very well for Josh and her. A confrontation hadn't even really been what she'd wanted either, last time -- and it had frustrated her, just shortly after the fact, that it was what had happened, but even just a few hours after she'd left the park, it was way too late for that. She'd wondered, quite frankly, if they would ever even talk again. Now they were, and it was much more difficult than she could have expected -- and it wasn't like she'd expected it to be easy, either.

She nodded when he said that he hadn't been looking for a fight last time, either. Good -- she was at least glad of that, even if she wasn't entirely convinced that he believed her in the first place. If he didn't, that was too bad. She wasn't starting this conversation so that she could try to convince him of anything. "It got out of control," she said, acknowledging the problem from before while managing not to place the blame on him, she was pretty sure -- but also not accepting it herself, because to say that would also be distinctly untrue. "All I..." No, that was a weird way of phrasing it. She stopped and started from the beginning, not bothering to go back. "I just wanted to hear it from you." That was the truth, in as honest and straightforward a way as she could put it, but she hesitated, wondering if that came out weird too. She'd just been frustrated with him and his, more or less, refusal to so much as mention things like that. She didn't expect to know everything about her friends' lives, because that was nosy beyond belief -- but this was quite a big thing. Maybe that did sound weird, though, and would potentially start another fight -- the last time she wanted -- so she decided to amend her words just a little. "Your side of the story." That was also true, of course.

The words were unsurprising because, after all, Skye did still hear the gossip that went around the school, but she didn't let this show. He could probably guess, either way, that she already at least had a rough idea, but again, it was never nearly as good hearing it from other sources as it was from the person in question. Besides that, the more reasonable part of her knew that it was nobody else's business. The alliances were destructive like that sometimes, however. She didn't acknowledge the first part of his sentence but did nod again when he said that they wouldn't have let him back. "I know," she said. Skye wasn't naive enough to believe otherwise. The Fires and Thunders hated Josh at this point -- it was a pretty spectacular fall from grace for the former Fire leader. "And... I don't blame you. For not wanting to return," she added after a lengthy pause. Of course he didn't want to come back. Being around less antagonistic people was probably a wonderful change. It was something just short of envy that she felt -- but it wasn't quite there yet. For the first time she averted her eyes with this realization, but it was for just a second before she met his gaze again, taking a deep breath. There were so many different routes this conversation could still take. "You're happier with them, aren't you?" The other alliance always did seem happier to her, on the whole -- but then again, Skye was jaded.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Out of control. It was a good way of putting it, a good way of putting many situations that Joshua had been involved in. An angry and often violent person, it was not unheard of for one of his explosions to give a problem that little push it needed to turn into an outright disaster. He refused to take full blame for what had happened between he and Skye, far too proud to so much as think it, but there was a smidgen of responsibility that he would acknowledge. Had he not lost his temper so quickly, perhaps things would have been different. Dwelling on what ifs had never been a habit of Joshua's, however, and so he pushed them aside with relative ease.

He only blinked, likely not the most reassuring response to her words. In truth, the silence that stretched between them was mostly due to his not knowing what to say. How did he handle this situation when the last one had gone so badly? Wringing his clasped hands, he finally managed, "I wasn't ready to tell it. Not then." His side of the story. It was strange. No one had seemed to care about his side back then. They were quick to accuse, to slap him with the label of traitor and jeer at his friendship with an Earth elemental, but they never asked him why. Yet when Skye had, or at least tried to, he snapped. It didn't exactly seem like she wanted to hear my side. Pride made a good defence. He didn't like guilt and so he was always quick to make excuses for himself. It was better that way. Perhaps not for others, but for him.

He considered her for a moment, then dipped his head. It was his own silent acceptance of her words, a sign that he had chosen to believe her. He was even relieved to know that she didn't blame him, for as a former friend of several years, he had respect for her opinions. Her question made him pause—not because he didn't have an answer, but because he wondered what she would think of it. I think she already knows. It certainly seemed like it, as she was asking for confirmation. "I am." There were good days and bad. Sometimes he missed the people he could be himself around without fear of being judged as too moody or irritable but others he recognised the kindness of the Earths as a good thing. He didn't bother going into detail. He'd never been a man of many words when it came to talking about himself and so he trusted Skye not to press the subject too much.

He was sure neither had forgotten the reason for his eventual treachery, either, and the Earth had been in his thoughts since the conversation had began. Though many blamed her for his break in the alliance, she was not to blame. "Happier with Nell, too." Skye knew him better than most, knew how often he'd slept around with anyone that caught his attention. He hadn't known it at the time but it had been lonely without the commitment of someone who actually cared for him and wouldn't be gone in the morning. He felt better now. Lighter. He was in love for the first time in his life and it was every bit as cheesy and exciting as people said. He didn't go around singing or talking endlessly about Nell but there was a change in him, regardless of who took notice.

[SKYE JESSICA FORD]

As someone who'd always liked her privacy herself, Skye really did generally understand that people didn't always want to share. Some things were worth sharing, though. She couldn't even go back in time and rationalize to herself, right now, why that had bothered her so much, but it was somehow that, really, he should have known. It had probably been kind of stupid, but that wasn't the kind of thing she'd admit -- that it'd been the strangest moment in all the time she'd been part of an alliance, when she'd heard that Josh was turning sides. For just the briefest moment, it'd felt like a personal betrayal, even though that really went against all logic. That was probably the weirdest and most toxic part of the alliances, but this wasn't something that was open for discussion because it was just stupidly dangerous to talk about things like it openly. Besides that, she hadn't come here to have some kind of big debate with him. She just missed her best friend.

She gave a slow nod when he finally spoke. The silence was dragging on for far longer than she would have liked, but there was nothing she could do about that. It wasn't the easiest of conversations to have -- there was hesitation on both their parts. Maybe it was easier for Skye. She'd been imagining all the different outcomes of situations like this for a while. Even so, the words hung on her tongue for a moment before she was able to form the question properly out loud. "Are you ready now?" Was he? If not, she wondered if he'd ever be ready, but even now months later she wanted to hear it still. The story had been recounted to her and rehashed far more often than she would have liked, all the time from other people -- as she was an ex-friend of his, people apparently wanted to gossip with her. The drama had died down a little bit since then, fortunately for her. His version of events was still a mystery to her, though -- it seemed like she'd heard everyone tell the story but him.

His answer was unsurprising and she didn't even bother answering aloud, just inclined her head a little to show that she understood and wasn't angry. She didn't smile -- it didn't exactly make her happy, either. Still, it really was good for him that he had found something that made him happy, even if it meant that he'd essentially walked away from friends. What she really wanted to know was if it was worth it, but she wasn't going to ask something stupid like that. "She seems nice," she said instead, thinking about Nell and what she knew of the girl -- there wasn't very much besides what she heard in rumours, but that had been enough to actually kind of pique her curiosity. Still, Josh was the wrong person to ask about that. Skye didn't deal much with gossip in general unless people made a point of telling her these things specifically -- which had unfortunately already been happening far too much lately for her liking. "You like her a lot, don't you?" She paused for a bit -- Skye did indeed remember a few vague things about Josh's love life (if that was what she wanted to call it) before this. Nell really did have to be something to get Josh to commit, truth be told.

[JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE]

Alliances complicated everything. Never in his entire Academy education had he ever doubted their necessity, even going as far to uphold them as a leader himself, but they certainly did not make life easy for the students of the school. Siblings were allowed to associate with one another but weren’t allowed to side with one another during a war. Winds didn’t have to take sides but things got iffy when their friends started to fight and they were caught in the middle. Friends weren’t allowed to be friends unless their alliance smiled upon it. And Joshua? He’d committed one of the worst crimes there were, forsaking his alliance and taking the opposite side for the sake of an Earth whom he barely knew at the time. It seemed rash, thinking back on it, but he could not call it stupid. No, for he remembered how it had felt to hear them speak out against her, accuse her of something he knew she didn’t do. He had been so confident in her innocence that he’d sacrificed several friendships and an alliance he’d been with for years just to defend her. He didn’t regret it but maybe, just maybe, he could accept why Skye and others had been a little… unwilling to accept it. Not that he would admit that.

When Skye asked if he was ready, Joshua met her gaze with a steady gray one. Am I? It was a tough question, knowing all that it entailed. Honesty from a secretive guy, opening up about a topic that was still sensitive even months later. It had hurt him to betray his friends, no matter how little this showed in his actions, his behaviour. “I’m… willing.” The simple words were chosen with care and he blinked at her, hoping that any discomfort was hidden behind his placid expression. He didn’t like to show weakness. “So long as you’re ready to listen.” Not just hear but understand. Oh, he didn’t expect her to truly grasp why he’d done what he did. He’d never told anyone of how she’d saved his life, how he felt a loyalty to her based on his survival. No, he simply wanted her to give him the benefit of the doubt and not jump the gun, not jump to conclusions. There had been a lot of that in their last conversation and on both sides. Joshua hadn’t been willing to talk, Skye hadn’t been willing to listen and their friendship had crumbled to dust quicker than they could blink. Shifting uncomfortably, he asked, “What exactly did you want to know?” There were a lot of things she could ask. What would she care about most?

He nodded, lip twitching briefly. She’s more than that. She’s… something else. Were they more comfortable around one another, Joshua might have taken a moment to praise his girlfriend, to tell the Thunder across from him how he felt about her. She was special to him. The ice was still thin, however, and it would require some time to mend before he was all right with speaking his mind. He almost laughed at her question. Of all the things she could have asked, it seemed to have the most obvious answer. “We wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” No, they would probably be studying together and talking about how stupid the Waters were behaving, just like old times, instead of sitting in tense half-silence and trying to make amends. Things hadn’t worked out that way, however, so now they were paying the price. He missed Skye and there was a certain ache in his chest as he realised how much had changed. He didn’t have a lot of real friends and to know that he’d lost a great deal of them to the alliances still stung.

[SKYE JESSICA FORD]

As a general rule, Skye kept anything even remotely resembling drama out of her everyday life -- which was a difficult thing to do, when the alliances and the trouble they brought with them were so intrinsically built into the system of the school she attended, but she made an effort to do it anyway. Most of the time it worked. Thunders and Fires didn't fight one another terribly often, and so long as she didn't do anything to contradict the alliances and all that they stood for, she was pretty safe. As it was, this had been unexpected turmoil in her social life, not that Skye was willing to let these things rule her that strictly -- she was close, but not quite a hermit or anything. There were other things for her to do. That didn't mean, unfortunately, that she didn't miss a good friend when he just disappeared. She nodded when he said that he was willing, not wanting to get into the fact that, at least in this context, ready and willing were two rather similar things. If they had still been on better terms, she might have made a stupid joke about it. Unfortunately this wasn't the case.

Even so, it was actually surprising that Joshua was willing to talk about it at all, because she had never known him to be particularly open about his life. It was the kind of thing that she had always found easy to respect -- she wasn't always up for sharing either. Somehow, their last conversation (if it could be called that) had been entirely different, and now here they were. "I'll listen," she said, patience in her voice and expression so that he could see she wasn't just saying that. She wasn't, really. Hopefully the sentiment was clear enough -- their friendship, if it even existed anymore, had obviously suffered as of late because of this lack of... communication, maybe. That sounded so weird. Skye didn't make it a habit of dissecting her friendships. She had been trying last time, really, whether or not he would believe it (not that it mattered, since she wouldn't tell him) but this time it was even more important to keep the situation under control. "Just your side of it. Whatever you're willing to tell," she answered after a long pause, after thinking it over. There were no questions she could ask without sounding partial to one side or the other, whether or not she really did lean toward it. "Why you chose to do it, mostly." She elaborated only to prevent it from seeming like she was here to pin all of the talking on him, but really, it was Joshua's time to explain himself. That was what she had wanted from the beginnig.

Skye saw the twitch of his lip, just a tiny one when she said that Nell seemed nice. It looked like it could have almost been a smile, unless it was a very weird sudden spasm, but she somehow thought not. The smile almost surprised her more. Joshua had never been a particularly... expressive person. They had been friends for years and she thought, wryly, that she could probably count the total number of times she'd seen him actually smile using just her fingers. Of course that probably wasn't the case, but she wouldn't remember these things now. No, it had been a very long time since she'd so much as spoken to him, even -- so she didn't mention the tiny twitch. Romance really did do some funny things to people though -- the saying said something about love, but she didn't want to jump the gun on that. She didn't know a thing about their relationship. There was another long pause while she debated over whether or not she wanted to ask, because asking sounded either very offensive for him, or very vulnerable and sensitive of her, neither of which she liked very much. She decided to speak anyway. "I know you don't regret it in general, but," she paused, "do you regret that part? Us not talking?" It took a lot for her not to visibly cringe at the way it sounded out loud, but it was a serious thought.