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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 19, 2011 19:47:42 GMT -5
Nell had to admit, she felt like a professional, without the poofy white hat that she should really invest in. ”Cake,” she told him, choosing the first option. ”Trying to make a half-chocolate, half-vanilla hybrid.” She looked into the oven again, through the transparent front, hoping beyond all hope that it would actually work out. When she asked one of her friends wha kind of cake she should make, the girl had started singing Ebony and Ivory in response, so she merely assumed. Focusing back on the edible candles that she’d be attempting to make, she took out a paper towel and laid it on the counter. ”Does one need an occasion to bake a cake?” she questioned with a grin as she chose the colors she wanted. Answering seriously, she said, ”It's my girlfriend’s birthday and a bunch of us are throwing her a party. Big surprise and I was charged with the cake.” She had to say she felt honored that she was chosen for such a thing, but then again, every part of party planning turned out to be important.
She returned to cutting open the icing in the bag with a pair of scissors, licking it off her finger when it exploded out of the bag, still listening to her boyfriend.When Josh told her that he hadn’t forgotten, she was confused as to why he had asked in the first place, still not making the connection. But she caught on when he asked why it was like that. ”Ah,” she said, the word coming out muffled as she took her finger away from her lips. Well, what did she tell him? It was not something easily brought into conversation, not something that meshed well with talks of cake and celebrations. It was also something that she’d never spoken allowed. ”Uh…my mother liked to lock me in closets,” she replied honestly, turning her eyes back to the candles she was trying to make, not allowing herself to look at him. ”She’d leave me for days sometimes, so…I guess that’s where the claustrophobia came from.” Nell didn’t want to go into detail about some of the incidents, because he didn’t need to hear things like that. How sometimes she’d be bleeding just as she’d been when the gangbangers had locked her in, what she’d have to do if she was forced to stay in for days, and how she’d get into even more trouble if she ended up resulting to animalistic means for survival.
Nell tilted her head, smile small but genuine as she looked at Josh. She was glad that it seemed he’d gotten her hint. She didn’t like to hear him blame himself for things that he had no control over, unaware of the fact that she did it to him as well. ”Well, I try,” she said airily, smiling as he pressed his lips against hers again. She liked the feeling of comfort and safety he provided her with, even though it had—in an indirect way—been his fault that she had ended up in that situation. She still refused to let him blame himself, however. They both ended up in undesirable circumstances thanks to each other’s pasts, and it was nothing that she couldn’t handle. You almost died, common sense rang in her head. Still, that didn’t really matter. Josh was true—she was alright, nothing terrible had come of it save for a reliving of her past. ”Ditto,” she told him. A moment passed as she looked away, but then her eyes were back to him. ”I was thinking…about what I wanted to do about…them. I think it would be best if I reported them.” She didn’t really care about being a snitch, because not only did these guys mess wit her, but they’d hurt Josh. And it was the latter that drove her to the decision. When it was her loved ones, vindictiveness came into play. ”I got one of their names.” That would hopefully be help, even though there was another guy she couldn’t put a finger on. She knew details however, and she was confident enough that she wasn’t going to worry about being attacked again.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Dec 20, 2011 15:08:47 GMT -5
Anything to do with sugar and baking was actually of interest to Joshua thanks to his love of the stuff and so he listened to what she was saying. Besides, he had asked. He rarely found Nell boring, probably because she balanced out his quiet and introverted personality with her own. "Sounds good," he remarked. "Looks pretty good, too. At least you didn't forget the flour." Rather than making fun of her baking skills, Josh chuckled as he recalled a certain botched recipe of his own when he'd first been attempting to learn. He had followed the recipe by the book and had gotten the flour out, merely skipping over the step of adding it when it came the time. Needless to say, the cookies he was trying to make turned out tasting a little... strange. He was better about it now, though, and always remembered to double check. Placing a hand over his heart with an audible gasp, Josh mocked a look of offence when she replied more seriously. "Girlfriend?" he echoed. "You mean you're cheating on me? That hurts, Nell, it does." He couldn't help but grin as he joked with her. It was so easy to relax around Nell that he hardly even thought about such things any more. It was hard to believe that he'd once had difficulties talking about his diet with this girl and they were now prone to having actual discussions about things, sometimes difficult ones as in the case with Nell's mother... or her claustrophobia, of course.
He tilted his head slightly when she turned away from him, a light frown tugging his lips. He didn't like it when she looked away like she was ashamed of something or didn't want him to see her expression. Though Josh understood that Nell had gone through a lot with her mother, he still wanted to feel he had her full trust. He placed a hand on her shoulder briefly and felt a slight ripple of shock. "Days?" That seemed like an awfully long time to him. He remembered back to their discussion on the computer about his parents grounding him and how they would lock him in his room for days on end if he was being particularly difficult. Was that why she had been so averse to it at the time? He was quiet for a moment as he mulled this over in his mind. My room, though, and it's huge, not a closet. And it's got a bathroom, and they fed me, and... The thought trailed off slowly as he considered another horrid possibility—Nell's mother hadn't, had she? Nell hadn't said anything of the sort but he assumed from her lack of mention that it might be the case. He thought for a moment about whether it would be a good idea to pry and then threw caution to the wind. This was his girlfriend, surely he could at least ask. "I can definitely see how that would cause it," he said grimly, suppressing a shudder at the idea of being trapped in a tiny closet for days. "Did she at least feed you?" Concern was colouring his tone. He didn't like the idea of someone mistreating her even though it had happened years before they'd even met.
His gray eyes were surprised but soft. "I was going to ask you about that, actually." He wondered if she now realised he'd approached her with these questions already in mind, that he'd been wondering since the incident and had just held off on actually bringing it up. He wasn't sure whether she would bother to make the connection and just hoped that she wouldn't be upset with him if she did. Of course, his concerns were usually invalid. He paused only briefly before he said, "I will, too." It felt like there was gravel in his throat—he'd always feared standing up to the gang and selling them out for real because he didn't want them to come after him. But this wasn't about just him any more, it was about Nell and his family too. He was not so self-absorbed that he would hold himself above them and risk their lives to save his own. Besides, he didn't think keeping quiet would help so much now. They knew his name, they might find out his address, too. Nell's address. This helped solidify his choice and he said more firmly, "I want you to be safe. If this is what it takes, well... I'll do it." He embraced her briefly and traced his fingers down her (uninjured) arm when he pulled away. "You did?" He wondered how she'd gotten a name but then decided that it didn't matter. Then he realised that he'd probably know the bastard, and he said a bit stiffly, "Who was it? What did the other one look like? I probably know them." Knew. Or had he ever really known them at all? They'd lied to him for years.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 20, 2011 19:24:31 GMT -5
Nell still didn’t look at Josh when she felt his touch on her shoulder. Some wounds were still very fresh, and her mother physical abuse left many. It’s been a little over a year since she’d stopped having to experience the fear and the pain everyday, and she supposed that it had been a healing process since then. The white lines like stories on her body, they were the only reminders she had left. But now she had Josh, but she forced herself not to get upset about this. She had to move on. That’s what people did, they accepted their pasts and continued on with their lives. It seemed she was forever incapable of doing so. That’s why she was even in the state she was in, taking Prozac like a good little patient, seeing a therapist for one-hundred dollar an hour sessions. Why couldn’t she help herself? ”Sometimes,” she repeated, sounding as if she were completely fine with that. As if it wasn’t something that terrified her. In actuality, it was as long as Mia felt necessary. She aproached this as if it wasn’t the root of a psychological issue that would stay with her forever. No amount of therapy could erase a phobia, a history of violence. Nell didn’t make comment on the claustrophobia issue, because in actuality, a closet was just a smaller version of her home, locked doors and no way out. There was a way out, she thought, her eyes staring hard at the counter. It just took you years to realize that she was never going to stop. She turned and blinked at Josh when he asked if Mia fed her—it sounded as if he expected more from her mother. Nell continued with her crafting of the candles without a word. Her silence was answer enough.
A wan smile flickered back onto her face when he said that he’d been wondering. She had a feeling he had, but she liked the time for her to sort out what she wanted to do, to plan everything out. When it came to things like this, she’d rather not be impulsive. Then he said that he would do, and that instilled some hope in her. She may not have been completely confident in the legal system, but she believed that it could work out. Even with her grandfather working against her, she’d been acquitted, so she was almost sure that Josh wouldn’t have a problem. ”It’s all up to you,” she told him, her smile strengthening as she cupped his cheek. She didn’t know much at all about the gang business, only that he’d been jumped twice and he ratted them out after they killed someone…which had resulted in the jumping. And when he’d spoken of these things, she could tell how hard it was for him. She had a hint at why now—they were dangerous and practically intraceable. ”Thank you,” Nell told him softly when he hugged her, shivering slightly when she felt his fingers on her arm. It was nice to know that he’d be willing to do something like that. No, nice wasn’t too strong a word for the things he did all the time.
Josh seemed to tense up when he questioned her getting one of the names. It wasn’t like it had been hard—James thought it’d be wise to give her boyfriend a little greeting. ”Mhmm,” she informed him, and now that she wasn’t in that terrifying situation anymore, she humorous it had almost been for him to even say it. ”The one guy’s name is James. Blue eyes. Kind of a jerk.” She was trying to inject at least some humor into the situation, because it was as if she could already tell just saying who it was would make him mad. Especially because of what she said next. ”The other guy had brown eyes. He said that his brother was in jail, and he’s the one who…” She gestured to her own cheek to indicate what she meant, her eyebrow lifted. ”Even more of a jerk.” Nell didn’t know if a first name would really help, but hopefully since the one guy’s brother was in jail that would help with pinning them down. She wondered how much Josh knew about these guys, wondering if he'd even recognize them from the descriptions. A bit hesitantly, she asked Josh, ”Do you know how many guys there are?” It was really the first time she’d questioned him about it, but she figured that now was a good time, considering to of them decided it awesome to mess with her.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Dec 20, 2011 20:43:34 GMT -5
Deciding to let the subject drop as Nell was clearly not open to saying much about it, Joshua allowed the focus to shift to the gang. His gray eyes were cold and callous as Nell named one of the two, the graduate instantly bringing vivid pictures and memories to mind. Yes, he remember only too well what James had been like. He'd once idolized the older boy for his strength and ferocity when it came to physical things but now felt disgusted and angry as he considered him toying with Nell. It took a great deal of effort to remember that he was not facing James but Nell and thus keep his temper in check. "Kind of?" he snorted. "That's too kind for Jay—James," he corrected quickly, sounding frustrated with himself for a moment. He still couldn't shake old habits and he'd always addressed the boy by his nickname. He didn't want to have that sort of a connection with him any more. He was James now, if he'd be addressed by a name at all. His own name had been kept secret for so long and until a few nights previous it had been a source of power for Josh. He'd felt better at night knowing they hadn't the slightest information on him save for the fact that his face was scarred and his approximate age. Now they knew more than he'd have liked. "He always had a penchant for violence," spat the Fire elemental, glaring. Hesitantly, he gestured toward her arm, as if he was uncertain he wanted to know. "Was it him who did that?" He was indicating both the healed burn and the still visible slash, though knowing James had been responsible for either one would send him into a rage.
It had been James on the phone, as well, now that he thought about it. He hadn't heard the rough, throaty voice in a few years and though he'd recognised it on the phone he hadn't been able to pinpoint it until now. "He was the one who called." Josh's voice was a tad flat as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Control. He needed control. He locked his smouldering gray gaze with the brown eyes of his girlfriend so that he could concentrate less on the anger and more on her face, her presence in the room to stop him from trembling. "When that bastard fired the gun, I thought—" He broke off and shook his head, sure that she could infer every bit of what he had felt at the time. It wasn't hard to make the assumption that he'd figured her shot. After all, they had been threatening him with his girlfriend's murder—no, not threatening, taunting—and to hear the loud bang of gunfire had been a crushing reality. He'd raced to the warehouses while still not knowing whether he'd find her alive or dead. It certainly wasn't high on his list of things he wanted to go through a second time. He hoped that he didn't. They'd jumped him twice, went after her once. It didn't seem like the gang was going to give up very easily. "Hopefully if we both testify, it'll be enough." He had loads of information on the gang that he hadn't revealed. It would make him uncomfortable, talking about all of it to the police, but he could always just reveal as little as necessary to ensure that the bastards were jailed for what they'd done to he and Nell.
He frowned but did not immediately speak when she mentioned the brown-eyed boy whose brother was incarcerated. He could feel his throat closing up a little. "I don't like you very much, kid. You understand that?" He'd always treated him coldly even when the others had played pretend. Daniel's brother, Chase, had always been rather pleasant and 'helpful' toward Joshua, though looking back on it he concluded that the brothers had probably felt similar about him. They all had. It sickened him and so he could not think of what to say to Nell. "The one who cut my face, yeah," he said in a tone that was oddly soft and distant. One hand instantly went to his pocket, fingering the cool metal of the closed switchblade. With my own knife, he thought. God damn it, it was still hard to think that he'd once looked up to and respected them. He knew that children could be foolish but he'd been especially blind. He shifted uncomfortably at the question as he tried to remember names and faces. James, Chase, Daniel, Gavin... shit, there were more of them, too... He didn't want to go about naming each and every one of them, didn't want to call back individual memories. "I can't remember exactly, it changed a lot because of shootings and prison sentences, but, uh... more than ten, less than twenty in the group that I hung around. There might have been more, I just wasn't... connected enough, I guess." A few of the guys hadn't hung around very often, making up about seven or eight that he actually knew and interacted with on a regular basis. Again, names started floating to the surface. He did his best to block them out. "Why do you ask?"
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 20, 2011 21:36:33 GMT -5
Nell could tell that Josh didn’t really like the guy, and why should he? Why should he like anyone who tried to kill him? So she understood his demeanor and didn’t let it bother her. It never did, really. Her feathers weren’t easily ruffled, so she merely kept an impassive expression on her face when he spoke of James. She almost wanted to ask questions about Jay and his relationship with Josh, but she stopped himself. Her boyfriend already seemed less-than-happy, and she really didn’t want to make it any worse for him. She blinked. He asked her about her injury, and she blinked. ”Yeah,” she said, and her tone almost seemed to carry a question. ”Looking back, I can see what you mean about violence. The other dude didn’t really seem too keen on inflicting injury.” After all, she hadn’t really been focusing on who exactly had been inflicting the pain then, only that there had been pain and it really freaking hurt. However, it seemed that James—or Jay, as Josh had called him—was the one to do the damage, the one willing to cause the most pain. Not that Daniel seemed like a very nice guy, either. Of course, Josh would know better than her. She was merely going off of her memories of that night and the impressions that they gave her. And they weren’t the best of impressions.
She had heard the call and the gunshot, but she was a bit busy in the closet to even care which of the two of them had phoned her boyfriend. In that moment she was more concerned about the fact that the next bullet would have been for her. She had gotten very lucky that night, escaping with only a knife wound and a panic attack to show for it. In the end, she could have ended up worse than Josh when he’d gotten jumped. Nell didn’t say anything, knowing the signs of his temper when they flared up. ”Nothing happened,” she reminded Josh softly. ”I’m okay.” Of course, only by chance did she get out alive, but they both knew that. He had gotten out of precarious situations before himself with the gang, so it didn’t seem like anything worth mentioning. ”I’m sure it will be,” she said, playing the optimistic and assuring role. It came easier, when it was for others, when it was for Josh. Nell liked to look on the bright side when it didn’t have anything to do with herself. Well, this did have to do with her because they had targeted her, but she was more concerned about Josh at present. ”They’re just a street gang—I’m sure it will work out. Jane was a mafia kingpin and she was taken down thanks to a loose-lipped associate.” That gave her confidence in the matter. If someone with that much hold over organized crime could be imprisoned with just a confession from one of her “family” members, then surely a street gang could be taken care of.
Studying his eyes when he seemed to become distant, she wondered what Josh must have been thinking about. She didn’t have his experiences with the gang, didn’t know the people who’d attacked her like he must have, and—thank god—didn’t have to suffer horribly by their hand like he had. Nell guessed that Josh would remember the guy who sliced up his face, that was for sure, and even the thought made her feelings toward the guy less-than-friendly. I wish you didn’t have to suffer like you did, she thought, though she knew there was nothing she could do to change it. ”You know his name, right?” she asked, her voice somewhat quiet. She assumed that he had—you didn’t hang out with these guys for however long Josh did and not learn their names. But they didn’t know his name, right? She remembered him telling her that before, that they had never learned his name. They know his name now. That realization chilled her and she said slowly, ”They didn’t know your name before, did they?” He would not be able to trace her thoughts so it may have seemed random, but it was something her train of thought led her to. ”Jesus, I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. It wasn’t like she could have predicted this and erased him from her contacts before they took her phone, but she still felt guilty, pretty sure that Josh wouldn’t want them to learn his name.
She listened as he explained that arrests have been made and that he could only guesstimate at the numbers, and that—of course—was concerning. It was always unnerving when you could never be sure of how many people were out there. She was beginning to realize the fact that it could make someone quite paranoid. A part of her wanted to ask Josh if he was paranoid, but she was pretty sure of the answer. And if he was, then he had every right to be, as the gang proved. ”Just to get an idea,” she answered honestly when he asked. Nell didn’t know the inner workings of the gang, how many people there even usually were. It wasn’t like she grew up without knowledge of gang activity—she grew up in the South Bronx, it would be rather hard to live in ignorance in a hotbed of violence and rape. ”I was wondering how many were left, since well, I only know of one guy who’s in jail.” Asshole 2’s brother, apparently, even though she didn’t know much else about the situation. She didn’t know much about any of it, actually, and she only realized it now that she was faced with it.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Dec 21, 2011 18:45:38 GMT -5
No matter how much he loved Nell and understood that she was a genuine person who didn't try to get under the skin of others, sometimes Josh couldn't help but to become irritated when he was around her. Perhaps it was just the effects of his already simmering rage toward their situation but his gray eyes flashed in warning when she spoke. "Just a gang?" His voice was low and soft, a prime sign that something had ruffled him. He was easily irked and Nell surely understood that after being with him for so long but to become angry toward her was rare. The gang and his past brought out the worst in Joshua, however. "It didn't feel that way when they came after me. They weren't so menial then." The hard edge to his tone and the glint to his steel gaze were difficult to miss. He glanced away from his girlfriend, frown tugging at his lips. A part of him understood that it was not fair, even a little silly to be angry about things like this. Nell hadn't meant that his experiences were invalid or that they did not matter, she'd only been trying to reassure him. There was a lot of wounded pride and defensiveness when it came to the gang, though, and Josh didn't like to think that he'd been shoved around by a bunch of low-life bastards. It was true, he knew it was, but he hated to think about it. His elemental powers could have defended him quite nicely against a bunch of humans but they hadn't been well-developed in tenth grade and he wouldn't have used them, anyway. Betraying the sacred and unspoken code of the elementals wasn't worth it. He'd much rather be shot dead than killed after the government had exhausted their use of him.
He swallowed hard and tried to move past the discomfort and anger. He didn't want to fuck things up with Nell because of his own insecurities and so he did his best to ignore what was troubling him. It would not bode well for his mood later when he was forced to come to terms with everything but temporary suppression would be needed if he wanted to continue this conversation without snapping. He sickened himself sometimes with how much his anger got into the way of things, even with Nell. She was so sweet and forgiving with him compared to what he was used to and still he took it out on her in small amounts. It didn't change his desire to stay with her, though. He couldn't be the self-sacrificing one in that respect, wouldn't be. "Daniel," he said, giving the name itself as confirmation. "Crossen, I think. His brother was called Chase." Chase had been the shooter in the alleyway skirmish. Regardless of whether he had just acted on impulse and regretted it or if it had been an act of cold-blooded murder, Josh had lost his respect for Chase after that. He had no respect for murderers. It was part of the reason why he'd been so uncomfortable labelling Nell as one. She had killed in self-defence, he always reassured himself that it was different that way. "What you said earlier, it fits," he frowned. "Dan—Daniel never liked getting blood on his hands much." He suspected that Chase had pulled his little brother into the fold but had no proof. They'd never really opened up to him much. He'd just trusted them blindly. "Still, it doesn't change that he came after you. He would have... well, you know." Discussing the idea of Nell being murdered made him uncomfortable. It reminded him that they were still out there, that the threat was not yet over. "I'd like to reunite him with his dear brother." His tone was vicious as he spoke.
Josh shifted and looked away again for a moment. She really doesn't miss much, does she? He hated the idea that they had his name now, that they could track him down. It was hard to tell whether he was more scared for Nell or himself at this point. His girlfriend might have won by the slightest amount, proved by the fact that he was willing to testify. The amount was minimal. He feared for himself a fair amount as well. "No," he admitted, "I never told them." His security blanket was gone now, all because of a stupid contact list on Nell's phone. Just like Nell did not blame him for the attack itself, Joshua didn't want her to feel responsible for their new knowledge. He glanced back at her when she apologised, taking special care to meet her eyes. "You couldn't have known what they'd do," he assured her consolingly, caressing her cheek briefly with an almost sad smile. He couldn't erase the fear but he at least hoped to stop it from causing problems between him and Nell. "I don't blame you for anything." The gang had been before he'd even met her. He was glad that they had become acquainted when they did, though, else he wouldn't be standing here and having this discussion. And Nell wouldn't have to have it at all. His conscience never allowed optimism for lengthy periods of time—if Nell had not met him, there was a strong chance she'd never have encountered the gang at all.
He shook his head. "I'm not sure," he replied honestly. "They seemed pretty upset when they attacked me, said I'd really caused problems for them—good, I fucking hope I did—but I'm not sure how many were jailed for it." After all, the only thing he'd been able to do was point the police in the right direction. If he'd become a true informant he could have had them all behind bars because of various activity but he'd been too afraid that they'd hunt him down if they knew who he was or where he lived. Of course, that risk was out in the open now. I just hope there aren't enough left to do any real damage. "There were only a handful when they attacked me at the warehouse. I'm just assuming they were the ones left. I don't know what's happened with them since." He knew from experience with the group that they got up to no good on a regular basis. Perhaps they'd gotten caught on individual charges, perhaps not. He couldn't be sure and he certainly wasn't going to hang around the streets of downtown trying to find out. "I take it they didn't mention anyone else?"
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 21, 2011 22:07:29 GMT -5
Nell was lucky that she didn’t have a temper or didn’t become upset easily, otherwise Josh would be a scary person. When she noticed that her words had an undesired effect on him, she kept her expression serene as ever. She had meant to reassure him that everything would be all right, and only succeeded in angering him. Never did she mean to belittle him or the gang, especially now that she had a small taste of what they were capable of. She saw what they were capable of last year—Josh had been on the precipice of death. Nell didn’t want him to have to go through that again. There were other sorts of pain that no one could prevent, but she wanted to make sure that her loved ones were safe if it was within her power. Her lips curved into an apologetic smile. ”You’re right,” she stated simply. ”I’m sorry.” She wasn’t one unwilling to admit she’d made a mistake, because she had obviously upset her boyfriend. Hopefully her unwavering calm wouldn’t further enrage him, but she couldn’t predict that. After all, she’d have been able to prevent these situations if she did. Since such was unpossible, she took it in stride. Loving someone meant acceptance.
She waited for him to calm down, her attention away from her cake-making so she could focus on Josh. it wouldn’t be ready to take out of the oven for another half hour, so it wasn’t like listening to her boyfriend about something this important would hinder her in her baking. Nell was glad that he had a last name, since that would certainly help. ”I’m guessing that Chase was the one who killed the guy?” she asked carefully, trying to piece together what she knew with what she didn’t. Daniel—as she now knew his identity—had blamed Josh for his incarceration, so she was only inferring. She could be wrong, with how uninformed she really was, but hopefully her boyfriend would clear it up for er if she did. After all, he was speaking about them more now than he ever had, albeit bitterly and angrily. She leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms. ”I guess he’s done a good job, considering he hasn't been arrested...yet,” Nell said when he spoke of Daniel not liking to get blood on his hands. He’d basically done nothing but restrain her. It was James who seemed to want to fuck her up. Well, she guessed Daniel was smart in one aspect, but then again, when you’re in a gang, bloodshed happened. She abstained from saying anything more, knowing that her limited knowledge of gang life might just rile up Josh some more. Her lips twitched into an ironic smile when Josh said that he would have killed her. Yeah, that much had been clear. They’d both been very willing to dispose of her, and they extended the same courtesy to Josh. Gangs seemed to have a common lack of courtesy for human life.
Nell wanted to call back her strength since what had happened, happened—the panic was over, her injuries were just memories, and even though they were still out there, she’d rather keep composed than fear the fact that they were somewhere. Of course, this was rather difficult upon realizing that her boyfriend was even less safe now, because of her phone. That she no longer had. Need to get a new one. The thought was in the furthest part of her brain, and she was barely aware that she thought of it. Because her main concern was Josh, not her goddamn cell phone. Even though Josh didn’t place blame with her, it gave her a sick feeling know that she was responsible for putting the man she loed in even more danger than he already was. Even unintentional fuck-ups like that killed her. ”Yeah…” she said softly. Her expression was withdrawn when she felt his hand against her cheek, but she didn’t argue against it. No, she couldn’t predict what they would, but goddamn if she didn’t fear for Josh right now. It was almost comical how little she was actually thinking about herself at this point—for now she viewed her attack as a reason to get the two shitheads thrown in prison to protect Josh. She may have usually been merciful with others, not an unkind word to say, but it was different when it came to her family. She bared her claws for them. Even still, as she felt all this protectiveness, she believed she deserved Josh’s blame. She was used to it, so it was always strange not to have it. To be so easily forgiven, when she felt so absolutely wretched.
It was rather concerning to hear that Josh didn’t know how many people were in jail, and how many were running free. I’d like to take care of that, she thought with a cold kind of intensity, but then reminded herself that she was only one person and as much as she liked to, she couldn’t take down a gang in its entirety. Nell hadn’t expected her boyfriend to know it, really, no matter how much she hoped he did. ”I guess you’ve whittled down their numbers,” she told him, and it was something to be proud of. Snitches may have bad street cred, but if you weren’t running the streets, that didn’t much matter. She shook her head, reaffirming this suspicion she had that maybe there weren’t as many people out there. For Josh’s sake, she hoped not. ”No, they didn’t mention anyone else,” she said. ”Hopefully it’s a good sign that it was only those two. Because they would probably have been together if there were more of them, right?” Gangs tended to stick together, after all, doing…gangster things. So if there were more people out there, wouldn’t they have been hanging around with James and Daniel. She almost grimaced thinking of their names—she preferred referring to them as Dumb and Dumber in her head.
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