&& IF SOMEBODY'S GOT SOUL,, deirdra

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell sometimes didn’t understand how she turned out to be Earth. If genes had any say in it, she would have been Water or Thunder. Most likely Thunder. The two families she’d come from had a very pure lineage…until her parents came along and had her. Why Earth? She didn’t know, but she was glad for it. Everytime she could get a little hope from the delicate pedals of wild flowers and imagine that someday things would be better. Someday, she’d be able to run away from her mother for good and see the world she always wanted to know, that Mia always told her was a bad place, a scary place. And she did get that freedom with her element—she received status as a fugitive and a murderer. Should I really be an Earth anymore? No, she’d rather not think about these things, and so she didn’t. Even when her father or Jane forced her to remember it, she pushed the memories away.

A good way to do that was to have some adventures. Even though she’d prefer company (because when you were with someone else, you really didn’t have to think) she decide that she’d wander off on her own and not care about the phone in her pocket ringing ‘Dickhead’ for her father. León could handle not hearing from her for a little bit. In the months she’d been going to the Academy—and it was slowly circling to a year, at the end of which she wondered if she’d still be a free woman—she found she liked exploring the wilderness. Even though there was stories of some dangerous animals, that didn’t ward her off as she guessed she should. Parks in The Bronx were probably more dangerous, and she’d stupidly—how could she have been so stupid? she used to wonder, but she knew it was thanks to the environment her mother ‘raised’ her in—haunted those places for practice.

She guessed, as she climbed up one of the sturdy oaks, that it worked to her advantage. If she’d just ignored her powers thanks to living in the city, she’d have had little to no chance in the Academy. She was glad she just had to take supplementary classes, even though it meant a heavier workload. At least she liked learning about her element, something she’d held dear to her ever since it provided the glimmer of hope all those years ago. Nell looked down at the ground as she dangled her feet. It certainly would have nice to have had this place years ago. But instead of thinking about all the ‘could have beens’ in her life, she wanted to focus on the present. Not the future. She wasn’t even sure she had a future, still. Her phone went off again. She sighed, picked it up. ”Papa, I’m busy right now,” came her usual excuse for not talking to him. ”Whatever it is can wait till later.” There was a moment of silence before her father’s voice told her, ”Jane wants to be able to talk to you. I know we’ve talked about this before, but could you reconsider giving her your number?”

Nell knew this was probably just to get Jane off his back—as much as he could tolerate her, he certainly didn’t like her. There was quite a bit of history between the two. ”Nope,” she said chipperly. No ‘how are you today’? No ‘I love you, mija? His parenting skills were shining through as usual. Before he could say anymore, she hung up and hoped her constant rudeness would push him away. He’s probably the only one who can save you. The irony stung, it really did. The one person she didn’t want to rely on thanks to his previous abandonment was the one person willing to pay for a lawyer to get her ass out of the trial. But still, it felt like a very lost cause. His father was one of the most influential men in New York—he wouldn’t be able to do what he was doing otherwise. And she hated every single one of them. Trying not to think about the future since she was expert at pushing thoughts away, she lifted her head to peer at the sky through the foliage. She didn’t need to think about anything at all.

[xmarci]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Deirdra Rosewood daylight comes, daylight comes - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The usual day, Deirdra getting out into the forest as soon as she possibly could and bringing her pen and notebook with her. Somehow, she had managed to escape the notice of everyone who would pay her any mind, whether they be friends or enemies, by going a different route than she usually did. And she skipped her final class. She shouldn't have done that, but it was just such a renewed stress, not having her uncle around after so many days of seeing him every day. The comfort and safety had been taken away from her yet again, and though the feeling was not exceptionally new or foreign, it did make her want to close in on herself for a few days. For someone who wrote for so many hours of her life, Deirdra had very few finished stories. Most of the things she wrote were descriptive scenes, landscapes, things she could imagine in her head without seeing with her eyes. Then, when she'd have a bad day, the pages would be filled with dark ink marks and several naughty words, her desperate need to make sense of the emotions inside her coming out in a chaotic mess of words on the paper. Sometimes she'd make up characters, the people who would live in the places she created. But she was too distracted most of the time to really get lost in a story and keep it going until the end. It have only happened three times before. And then she'd thrown them out and never looked at them again. Today, though, she was having a hard time thinking of anything at all. It was a brand new notebook, which her uncle had brought her. But every time she touched the pen to the paper, Deirdra looked up and thought about that day in the park. Zac hadn't noticed, but she had heard everything he'd said to Ace. She'd listened to his words about her own fate, and realized that his understanding was still only vague. He still didn't know everything. And she would never, ever tell him. Finally, the earth girl realized she was going to get nothing written today, and so she closed the notebook, stuffed her pen into her pocket, and began to walk about the woods. Thanks to her impeccable memory, Dee was not worried about getting lost. It was not long before she heard a familiar voice above her say ”Nope!”. At first she was startled, but she knew that voice. Nell and she had hung out several times in the past months, so she knew what she was going to see when she raised her eyes to the tree in front of her and followed it's length until she caught sight of her fellow earth student. Nell seemed completely oblivious to her surroundings, which almost made Deirdra just want to stay silent and walk on by. But she was, in all honesty, bored, and Nell had recently made it into the bare level of trust that had Deirdra comfortable around her. ”No what?” She called, raising her voice just enough to be heard. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell had just hung up her phone when she heard a voice from below. A familiar voice, as a matter of fact. Whereas her mood had been a little dampened just by speaking to her father, it perked just as easily when she realized Deirdra was down below. ”Oh hey, Deir! Didn’t see you there, sorry.” she called down, wondering how much of the conversation the girl had heard. She didn’t tell any of her friends—save for Josh, of course—about her father or her family in general, so she wondered if Deirdra was down there when referring to the person on the other line as ‘papa’. Nell clambered down, brushing off her shorts. ”I was just talking on the phone, actually.” She didn’t clarify, of course not. When it came to her life, she was very personal. Secretive. And she had good reason to be. But she more than made up for it in her interest about other people’s lives.

”How’ve you been?” It hasn’t been too long since they last talked, but she always made it a point to know how her friends were doing. Because she’d long since declared Deirdra as her friend. It was easy enough to fall into Nell’s good graces, and even though the fellow Earth girl seemed a bit…off, well that was just fine. Everyone had quirks. And besides, she was actually worried about her, considering the first time they’d met was when Deirdra was suffering a panic attack and another time they had crossed paths was when she was purging herself, because she was curious. Nell became quickly protective of people, especially when they were like Deirdra, who didn’t seem to be aware of certain things. Like herself, she had to say. It was slightly reassuring to know that she wasn’t the only naïve one around. ”And what brings you out here, fellow Earthie?” She knew that others in her affiliation liked to be around this place—BC was actually pretty decent for the element, considering all of the wilderness and natural-ness. Nell would have to look up to see if that was a word.

Leaning against the drunk of the tree, a smile on her face, Nell looked down and saw that the girl was holding a notebook. ”Hmm? What’s that for?” she asked curiously. Perhaps Deirdra had come out here for some peace when working on school stuff. That sounded like a pretty good idea to Nell. She did it sometimes, even though she frequented the library often since it was where she and Josh could talk the most. Thanks to his double major, it seemed he was always swamped with work. Not that he probably hated it. And she guessed she was just as fine with all the work she had for supplementary classes, which was beginning to calm down, actually.

[xmarci]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Deirdra Rosewood daylight comes, daylight comes - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ”Don't have to apologize.” Dee said softly, though she wasn't sure whether or not Nell could hear her. Deirdra certainly wasn't bothered by anything Nell had just done—how could she be? All Nell had done was say one word and close her phone with a little click. The young woman took a step back to give Nell room to climb down, tilting her head a bit, ”That's not what I asked.” This was accompanied by a slight smile, and she shrugged a bit, ”Don't tell me if you don't want, though. I don't want to tell you some things, either.” To be completely honest, Nell was probably one of Deirdra's favorite people. But that really wasn't saying much. She didn't yet trust the girl completely, and though she talked more normally around her, she still didn't relax completely or let down her walls. It would be easy for Nell to see that this earth student would take a lot of work to get to. But Dee wasn't troubled by it. It wasn't as though she cared whether she got close to the other girl or not. When Nell asked her the question, she shrugged again. ”Normal.” She would let Nell decide whether normal was bad or not. Although considering the first two times they'd met Dee had been doing something completely self-destructive, it would be pretty easy to guess what Nell would think. ”I'm out here almost every day.” Not in the winter—that was far too cold—but in all other season this was her place to hang. Deirdra took a few steps away from Nell in order to lean again a particularly friendly-looking tree, her free hand moving back to caress the bark. Her green eyes did not leave those of her fellow student. To the next question, she said, ”I write. A lot.” TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell ruffled up the back of her clipped-up hair. Tittered. ”Uh…yeah…” she said sheepishly. Not like she could explain what that ‘no’ was for, huh? She was secretive, she had to be. It won’t even matter soon. Her thoughts could be evil, sometimes. However, Nell even knew if she didn’t have anything to hide, she’d be as personal as she was now with information about herself. And there were many reasons for that, one of them her interest in others and the neglect of herself. The nervous laughter turned into a warm chuckle at the girl’s words. ”I guess we all have something to hide,” she said in a chiming voice, giving the girl a wink.

Normal? What a vague reply. What was normal for Deirdra? She really didn’t know. The girl wasn’t normal, after all. ”Well…are you happy with normal?” she asked for more clarity. She didn’t want to pry—she could just reply ‘yes’ and Nell would leave it alone and choose to believe that Deirdra was perfectly content. But maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Nell honestly believed there was something…wrong with her. She didn’t know what to make of the girl. But really, that’s with everyone she came in contact with. People were just so unique and interesting and Nell believed that’s probably why she liked them so much. Actually, she didn’t really know why she liked people. It was just something ingrained into her, even though it shouldn’t have been so. She should have kept the paranoia her mother had etched into her psyche, along with all the other things she’d etched.

Nell nodded as if what Deirdra said was the most profound thing ever heard. ”Do you have a lot of free time?” she asked. Always questioning, always curious. She wished she could come out here everyday, and was planning to study more out in the wildnerness now that she thought of it. Perhaps even bring Josh along, too. She’d remembered their practical application study session, back when he was a complete enigma and the most intimidating person she’d ever met. Back when his vegetarianism was the only thing she’d known about him. The girl’s next words piqued her interest quite a bit. A writer? ”What do you write?” Nell asked enthusiastically, her brown eyes seeming as if lit from behind, like one of those paper lanterns.

[xmarci]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Deirdra Rosewood daylight comes, daylight comes - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ”Do we?” Dee's words came quickly after those of her companions, her eyes flicking up to meet Nell's. She knew she didn't like talking about what was going on with herself, but that was less of a care for other knowing something was wrong with her and more a dire need to pretend it had never happened. Sure, there was a fear inside of her that if people knew she was broken and controllable, they'd take advantage of her. But mostly, she just couldn't face the pain. ”Does everyone?” Nell didn't seem very happy with the answer normal, even though it was that truth. Deirdra tilted her head a bit, then looked away from Nell and found a nearby tree to lean on. She liked it, the contact with the tall solid plants. They reminded her of guardians, and used to portray them as such in her younger writings. Back when she was younger, though, she'd never imagined there could be so many types as she'd seen out here. Once she was settled there, she eventually answered Nell. ”Not really. Should I be?” She still wasn't quite making the connection between Nell's concern and Nell's questions. Nell seemed to care about her, but the extent was lost on the older girl. Dee simply couldn't believe she brought out that much in anyone. ”As much as anyone else.” Dee said dully, still not meeting Nell's eyes. One hand was running lightly up and down the rough bark of the tree behind her. Oddly enough, what would have seemed a socially awkward demeanor in some people seemed rather normal and relaxed in Deirdra. She was just enjoying what she should be enjoying. ”Class and homework, two meals a day and our curfew.... The rest of the time I do what I want.” Which was usually writing. She didn't much like doing the normal recreational activities, because that usually involved interacting with people. For a second, Deirdra was very certain she was going to open her mouth and say 'words.' What else does a person tend to write. But that was a little too impulsive, too snarky for a person like her, and she knew the meaning of Nell's question well enough. Enough people had asked her that so she'd figured it out. So, after a few moments, she shrugged a bit. ”Thoughts, stories, poems. I write into worlds that make me happy.” TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell’s demeanor remained entirely easygoing and nonchalant. ”Of course!” she chirped. Everyone had secrets, things they’d like to sweep under a rug. Because everyone makes mistakes. It was a part of human nature. ”I’ve heard it somewhere before and I think it’s a pretty honest statement—everyone has at least one secret that would break your heart.” Even the most well-adujusted folk had things that they’ve done or have happened to them that would make you look at that person differently. She didn’t doubt that with Deirdra. And she knew that if her friends knew what she did to her mother, they would never see her the same way.

She watched as the other girl leaned against the tree, taking a moment to have a glimpse at the sky and its halo of trees. Looking back down when Deirdra responded, she wore that ever-present smile. ”No, you don’t have to be,” she said, rocking back on her heels. ”So you’re not happy with normal?” Nell seeemed to think about this for a few moments before saying, ”Is there anything I can do to help with that?” She believed that Deirdra was being at least somewhat honest with her. And Nell wanted to know if she could, in any way, at least make the girl’s day somewhat brighter. Even if it was a small thing, she’d like to see Deirdra smile because she didn’t seem to do that a lot.

Nell tilted her head, noticeing that Deridra wasn’t meeting her gaze. Hmm. ”Do you have a job?” she said curiously, an expert at making conversation and still making it sound as if she was sincerely interested—because she was. Always interested in people and how they were doing and what she could do to make it all better. Nell didn’t really have too much free time, even though she tried to make some for her friends. If it meant being woken up at midnight to help out a friend, she’d do it. But her days were filled with classes, supplementary classes, her job, and visiting her father to convince him that Jane is the devil in high heels.

Hearing about other people’s interests and hobbies got Nell very excited, and so when Deirdra described what she wrote about, she said, ”That’s so cool!” with a light chuckle. Not mocking, just the genuine way she usually spoke. ”Do you plan to be an author after school? Or do anything with English?” She really wanted to hear what this girl had planned for herself. She liked to hear about futures, knowing that hers was slowly slipping away as each minute passed, each day, each month—every moment brought her closer to the trial that would most likely be her damnation. And she would be trapped again, just how she was with her mother. This time in a very literal prison. Or maybe it was the chair. She didn’t know what they did to people like her, girls who killed their mothers. It was scary to think about. And so it was not thought of, only pushed aside.

[xmarci]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Deirdra Rosewood daylight comes, daylight comes - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Call her cynical, but Deirdra seriously doubted people had stories that could break her heart any more than it already was. The more aware she got about herself, her position, and the people around her, the more she figured out that she was more different than she had realized. Other people...they had problems they could cope with. They had problems, sure, but they functioned, laughed and forgot about things sometimes. Not Dee. And what's more, they didn't have a father out there, somewhere, who was obsessed with them and would throw them in a basement again if he could. So while Dee didn't say anything, she gained a dubious look at Nell's iteration. ”Not really.” The young woman said, raising her eyes for a brief moment to watch Nell consider this. Nell seemed very interested in whether Deirdra was ok or not, which rather confused her. Sure, by now there were several people opening their eyes to the fact that she was a little wrong, but none of them made such an effort with her as Nell. Well...maybe Ace did. But he knew her story, so that really didn't count. When Nell asked if she could do anything, Deirdra shrugged. ”Can you kill an elemental who's thirty years older than you?” She said this with a dead voice, knowing that the only thing that could truly help her right now was the knowledge that she was safe. And no, she never really believed that. The young woman didn't even give a thought as to whether that would upset Nell or not. Nell didn't know anything about her past yet, Deirdra hadn't revealed it. So the question would be construed as even more morbid than it really was. Which was saying something. One thing was for certain; Deirdra didn't feel like what she'd asked was wrong. She was no more bothered than she had been a few moments ago. Nell asked if she had a job, and she shook her head. ”No job.” Her uncle sent her money every month, not that she really had to worry about it that much. Dee got free meals and bed at the college, and she wasn't one to spend money for much else. She couldn't drive, she didn't much like useless trinkets, or the crowds that she would have to mingle with to find said trinkets. Zac also had told her outright that she wasn't really to deal with a job. He knew what she could handle, and she couldn't handle that right now. Her mouth opened. Then closed. Well.... ”I don't have plans.” She said, looking down at her notebook quizzically. Literally no thought had passed her mind of what she would do when she was not here. Perhaps because she didn't think that she would have the chance to do anything. She would either dissolve into insanity, like her father, or be found by her father. Zac said he would protect her, but he didn't have the power her father had. Zac couldn't control solid rock, for one. Shrugging a bit, Dee sighed, ”I just like to write, that's all. No plans.” TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Despite what Deirdra thought, Nell understood that there were people out there who appeared to be dealing with their problems who really could never exist wholly again. Her mother, even Jane—she believed the woman to have some deep-seated issues herself. After all, Pilar explained to her the Sinclair criminal record and knew about their own parents’ abuse. Nell didn’t doubt that the people who Mia did chores and odd jobs for thought she was an intelligent, beautiful woman even though the girl knew better. Even she had her problems, ones that she refused to address. Ones that she will have to, in front of a room full of people she didn’t know. Never think.

Nell accepted her next words with a nod. Well, that was better. At least the girl was being honest, in her belief. At her next statement, she really didn’t think too much into it when she said rather cheerfully, ”I don’t think I could kill anyone.” It was only after that she realized her hypocriticalness in even saying that aloud. And one more thing, something she realized. ”Why would you want me to kill an older elemental?” she asked slowly. Nell believed that if Deirdra was willing to say something like that out loud, she would be willing to explain. ”But I’m sure I can help you in some other way.” It was odd, thinking an Earth elemental may be considering murder like Deirdra apparently had. She hadn’t planned her mother’s murder, despite what her family had lied about.

Again, she nodded at the other girl’s words. ”Would you like a job?” she wondered. ”It’s fulfilling, actually. Feels good to get paper after a week or two of putting in long hours.” With things like her occupation, she never outwardly stated them unless asked, and even then sometimes it earned a certain level of trust. Nell didn’t want to hide so many things, but so many things she did were illegal and could put her in jeopardy, occupation included. Did she trust Deirdra enough? Sure, the bartending thing wasn’t too bad. And she didn’t see Deirdra as one to go around spreading stuff like that, because she didn’t really talk at all. Besides, it’s not like people often snitched on bartenders.

Waiting patiently as the girl seemed to go over her answer, Nell simply smiled as she said her thoughts. ”Hmmm…I guess you really don’t need plans.” She really didn’t have plans for the future, because she was too scared to make them. It was nice, living in the present and enjoying everything she had. Like in this moment, she had Deirdra and this conversation and the trees around her. For Nell, it was extremely pleasant. ”As long as you like writing and it makes you happy, carpe diem and que sera sera.” She ducked her head a bit and ruffled up the hair in her clip. ”Sorry, cliches are kind of my thing.” She was only joking, expressed through her playful eyeroll—she had a right brain, one that enjoyed creativety and freedom. But she did love those cliché phrases because a lot of them had truth behind them. Seize the day and whatever will be, will be. Words she lived by.