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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 24, 2011 22:54:07 GMT -5
Nell nodded at his congratulations. ”Thanks,” she said, feeling extremely awkward now that she realized that Josh wouldn’t have cheated on her and that hiding underneath the counter was a pointless and paranoid thing to do. She trusted him with everything else, even the murder of her mother, and yet she was afraid that because a pretty girl came along that Joh would instantly fall for her. Was she being too paranoid? Nell tried to defend herself with the fact that she didn’t think she had a good enough hold on Josh, and that she wouldn’t be enough for him. Eventually, she was afraid he’d lose interest in her and go off with a girl like Brittney who he met at a bar. But he didn’t. No, Josh told the girl he loved her and wouldn’t cheat and that quelled her fears enough that she didn’t feel so insecure about herself and this relationship as a whole.
Going about her work as she should have been doing the entire time she’d been eavesdropping, she let herself enjoy the feeling of being chosen over a pretty girl like Brittney. Throughout the entire conversation there was the most uncomfortable feeling in her stomach, but now it was replaced with the glory of victory. Should she be worried that maybe next time Josh may give in? No, because she didn’t want a relationship that was full of distrust and misgivings. Even though she may have been ignorant of most things in relationships, she knew it wouldn’t be good to think Josh as unfaithful. And she wasn’t the kind of person to do that. All she needed to do was have faith. It was hard, though, considering the fact that the only people she trusted ended up dying or leaving her. But Josh hadn’t left her yet, and he’d proven himself to be the best friend she’d ever had. Even though she didn’t know why he just didn’t give up on her, she decided that she should just believe in him.
Outside of the bar, though, she had to face him, even though it seemed he didn’t want to do the same. Nell shook her head at his words. ”You don’t have to apologize. After all, you didn’t do anything.” He could have gone with Brittney, and he didn’t. That was all she really needed, reassurance that he wouldn’t leave her for a random hot blond he met at a bar, that she was enough for him. The guilt was clear with him and she really didn’t want him to feel like that, even though she was unsure of what she should be feeling herself. Should she be upset with him? Should she break up just because he took a while to outright reject a girl at a bar? She didn’t think so, and she just went with what her gut told her. ”Is this your first relationship?” she asked. She could assume by what she’d seen of him so far, but she hadn’t heard it from his mouth yet. ”If it is, then…we’re both trying our best right? I didn’t expect this to be easy and… I think it’s okay to make mistakes.” She didn’t know exactly how to phrase what she was feeling, but she tried her best. They weren’t perfect people and they definitely weren’t perfect when it came to relationships, but they were trying.
”I love you too,” she said quietly, squeezing his hand. ”I’m just…uncertain?” Even the word itself wasn’t sure, and her lips twitched into a frown. There was a lot she wasn’t sure if she should say, if she should tell him how insecure she felt about this relationship.”I’m not upset with you,” she said. She really wasn’t. After all, he turned Brittney down in the end and he was with her now. Sighing, she went on, ”I heard it all.” She blushed and turned her eyes to the side, then shook her head. ”It was wrong and creepy of me, but I’m just…I feel like I might not be enough to keep you around. Because I’m not a Brittney and half the time…I don’t even know what I’m doing. I wouldn’t blame you if you had slept with her.” Of course she’d have been upset, but he was a man even if he was in a relationship, and she wasn’t giving him what a lot of people wanted from a relationship.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 24, 2011 23:18:59 GMT -5
It was true, he hadn't done anything. He had rejected the girl rather violently and harshly in the end, wanting to make it perfectly clear that Nell was his girlfriend and that if he left the bar with anyone, it wouldn't be with the intent to hook up. Designated driver, maybe, but he hadn't planned on getting drunk and he certainly wasn't leaving Harper alone in the parking lot. "I really didn't plan on going with her," he said quietly, ducking his head. "I mean I guess you didn't see it but she kept touching my arm and acting really creepy, it was making me uncomfortable and I didn't know how to handle it." He hoped that he wasn't saying too much and that Nell wouldn't think that it meant he didn't love her. Because he did--at least he was pretty sure that he did--and Brittney wasn't going to change that. No, she hadn't changed that. "I was trying to let her know that I wasn't interested but that is one thing that I apparently need to work on." He gave a nervous laugh and rubbed at the back of his neck. He would definitely need to get better at rejecting girls from now on.
Nell asked him if this was his first relationship, and the question honestly surprised Joshua. He'd been so caught up in the confusion of it all that he hadn't realised he'd never made this confession to her before. "Yeah," he admitted. "I'd never met a girl I actually had feelings for before you." It might have seemed cheesy, but again, he was just being honest. Honesty was one of the only things he knew that there was supposed to be a lot of in a relationship. That was why you weren't allowed to sleep with girls and stuff, right? Why you weren't supposed to be tempted? If you made a commitment to spend your life or at least a very long time with a partner--he didn't plan for this to end after a certain period of time, after all--then you should at least be confident enough around them that you could tell the truth. "I guess I should have let you know, but I sort of forgot that you weren't psychic." He smiled a little at her to let her know that he was injecting humour into this to make them both feel a bit better. "You're right," he agreed. "Thanks, Nell."
Nell started to babble on about uncertainty and insecurity, and Joshua was absolutely shocked by what he heard her say next. Not Brittney? "Well of course you're not," he said, appalled. But he wasn't talking about her looks or even her status of being a virgin whereas he could bet the blonde was not. "You're not a lying, backstabbing bitch." He didn't like the idea of his girlfriend comparing herself to that stupid whore. He knew those were harsh words to plaster on the flirty blonde, but she had suggested that he cheat on Nell. That meant that it was justified, right? "I'm a little uncertain myself," he agreed, nodding. "I've never done this before and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel or, or what I'm always meant to do." He shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious as he admitted that he might be just as ignorant to this game as his girlfriend was.
Analysing what she'd said to him again, Joshua just shook his head a little. He wasn't going to kiss her because of the fact that he'd drank, but he did pull her into a comforting hug. "If there's anything that I am sure about," he said, "it's you. Believe me, Nell, you are the least of my worries." He pulled away and gave her a smile that he hoped conveyed this wasn't just wordplay. He was sure about her, he just wasn't sure about the feelings that he had and why there had been temptation with Brittney. It wasn't your heart that was tempted, he reminded himself. It hadn't even been mental temptation. It had been pure sexual frustration and Brittney knew that. Did Nell? Did she think that she was somehow inferior to anyone just because she wasn't ready to jump into a guy's pants this early in the relationship? Hell, there were some people able to wait years until they got married before they gave it up. If they could wait years, he could wait however long it took. That was all he had to keep telling himself. "You are definitely enough to keep me around," he assured her. "You don't have to be concerned about that at all."
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 24, 2011 23:56:26 GMT -5
Nell would have dropped it after the fact that he didn’t have to apologize, but he brought up the details of what was going on that she couldn’t see while hiding under the bar eating peanuts. That was really creepy Nell. ”I believe you,” Nell assured, and her lips turned up into a smile. ”If you wanted to…you would have.” And she really hoped he’d leave it at that. She really didn’t need to know the dirty details, and she’d rather just clutch to the fact that he hadn’t left with Brittney. That was all she needed for reassurance, the rant that he had eventually let off on her. In the end, it was okay. Nell nodded. ”I undestand, I really do.” Well, she didn’t really understand since she wasn’t a player who slept around before getting into a relationship. But she understood the aspect of having to grow used to something that you’d never tried before. Apparently he never tried to reject a girl, which was odd when she thought about it, but she really didn’t want to think too deeply into it.
Josh really hadn’t been in a relationship before, and she couldn’t say that she was too surprised about that. Usually guy who slept around like he did couldn’t hold down a committed relationship. It made her wonder why he’d stopped for her. It was flattering to think that he had feeling for her, and even better that she returned them. ”Me too,” she said, though it was pointless to say. They already established how inexperienced in every way she was at Timmies when the concept of going out flew right over her head. She shrugged, laughing lightly at his joke. ”It wasn’t something I really needed to know but I’m glad…that we’re in the same boat. It sort of makes things easier.” Because that meant they were going through the same things, right?
Even though Nell wanted to say what she meant by comparing herself to Brittney, she bit her lip. Would it sound too much like she was degrading herself just to receive compliments? Because that’s not what she wanted to do. Choosing what she believed to be the right words, she said, ”I’m not like…any of the girls you’ve been with.” And by ‘with’ she cerainly didn’t mean in a relationship. And that was the vast difference between her and those other girls. ”I mean, I didn’t even know what going out really meant until you told me about it.” She didn’t think most guys wanted a girl they had to guide when it came to relationships. It was as if she should have come with an instruction manual already knowing what there is to know about how to seduce a man like Brittney could. ”That makes two of us then,” she said. ”We’ll just have to feel our way through this together.” It was strangely reassuring that Josh had no clue about this either, even though a little help would be nice.
Everything about Josh was reassuring right now from his hug to his words. ”That’s good to hear,” she said, even though she still wasn’t so sure. But she let herself be comforted by what he said. And if she was going to have faith in him, she would also have to have faith in what he said to her. She felt crummy about herself, sure, but that wasn’t anything new. Self-esteem wasn’t something nurtured in the environment she grew up in. But it was amplified now that she had Josh, and a connection with him that she really didn’t want to lose. Especially since she felt like she was holding out because she was just so damn nervous about everything. But one thing she wanted to be certain about was Josh and the fact that he wouldn’t leave her. He’d proven that tonight, after all He’d proven to her that he was a good guy. ”And you’re enough for me,” she returned to Josh, looking up at him with a smile. Wow, this turned into quite the mush fest, now didn’t it.
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