TELL ME WHAT TO DO, , Nell

[arielle]

"Where is this girl!" Poor Arielle was pacing back and forth in her dorm room, expecting her friend to appear. It was nightfall, the same day as the accusation. She wanted to meet with Nell sooner, but figured the girl needed to be alone for a while. She probably had a bunch of friends confronting her of this problem as well.

Giving up the pacing, she flopped on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Of all her five years of living on campus, nothing like this has ever happened. Sure people died, but no one has ever been murdered. This is...madness. And she couldn't believe they'd take it as far as to hunt for Nell's blood. She didn't know Canadian law that well, but she didn't think they believed in the whole "eye for an eye" thing. She closed her eyes and sighed. She thought about the conversation she told her mother earlier today. She mention today's events to her and she became all motherly worried. She had to reassure again and again, telling her that everything will be alright. Her mother suggested she come until everything settles down. She told her she'd think about it and hung up the phone.

She didn't think about it until now though. It would be a heck of a lot safer if she went back to the U.S. But that will leave Nell here all by herself. Well, she wouldn't be alone, but Ari needed to be with her. She could vouch for her if need be. And plus, Ari is tired of running. She had to run to get away from her sick father, but now it's different. If she runs, she'll be considered a coward, and she couldn't live with that status on her. She needed to stay for Nell...and herself.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell had worn her nerves down to an edge. Her body felt jittery but her mind just wanted to shut down into sleep. They were battling it out with each other as she tried to distract herself by using her powers to bloom a flower from nothing, like she used to do when she needed their reassurance after her mother beat her. But her mind was twisting in so many ways, and she wished she could just sleep. She needed to go home and get away from this school. Nell didn’t know exact details of what was going on outside, since she’d been hiding the entire day, worried about heading straight into what would be hellfire. They were after her. Every time she thought of it, she felt a jolt go through her skin. It was terrifying, to say the least, that half the school was out for her blood now. Sighing, Nell picked herself up from the couch and sat upright. She hated this. She hated war. She hated war that was caused because of her. She stood, dragging her hands down her face as she walked. The girl really needed to go home and relax. But there was one thing she wanted to do.

Nell walked into the girls’ dorms and saw Ari on her bed. Smiling brightly, she said, ”Good, you’re here.” She walked over and sat down next to her on the bed. ”I have to head home soon, but I wanted to talk to you.” Shifting a bit, she folded her legs underneath her and looked at Ari, her smile no longer on her face. She was just a bit too exhausted for that. ”Thank you…for being on my side. I think you’re the only one who honestly knows I didn’t do it since I was actually with you.” Nell sighed, mussing up her already frizzy hair from doing it the entire day. ”Unfortunately, the enemy alliance doesn’t care about alibis—all they want is revenge.” Sighing once more, she fell back onto the bed, feeling the full weight of her exhaustion and knowing she had to drive home tonight. ”I wish you guys didn’t have to fight.” It just wasn’t fair.

[arielle]

Ari sat up abruptly when Nell entered her room. She gave her friend a comforting hug, then scooted over to give her more room on her bed. She gave her friend a funny smile. “Of course I’d be here. Where else would I go, since the Earth students are basically in hiding?”

So Nell had to head home soon? That was probably the safest place to be…sort of. Ari was thinking about doing the same thing, but she had to stay here and fight for Nell. “If you want, I could call up my brother, and you can stay with him for a bit. It beats going all the way home , since he lives sort of close.” She would mention that her eldest brother was in law enforcement, but she didn’t want to rattle the girl anymore. “He’ll protect you, if I ask him to.”

How can they not care about alibis? If there was proof, then there’s proof. “Are they so hot-headed to not see the clear evidence in front of them stating that you are innocent” She took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. She reached over and absentmindedly started playing with a teddy bear. “How about we prove your innocence to them? But…do we have proof that you were with me that day? What were we doing?” Poor girl couldn’t think to that day. It wasn’t that long ago either, it’s just that she’s so tired and stressed out that she couldn’t think straight anyway.

She nodded solemnly and brought her teddy to her chest. “I know…but we have to. Unless the real murderer wants to confess, we have to do this Nells.” It wasn’t right, it really wasn’t. They’re going back to the middle ages where people then got revenge of the murder of a loved one. But this is the 21st century, with laws and justice systems. You can’t just go around killing people just because they were blamed for the killing. She felt like calling up her brother for advice in what to do, because she certainly didn’t know.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell let herself at least relax into her friend’s hug. Even smiled back when Ari smiled at her. The best thing was that her friends could always cheer her up no matter the situation. Especially when they were safe. Which is why she looked down when she started picking invisible fuzz off the bedspread when she answered. “As morbid as it is, part of me was fearing that some people already ended up in the medical wing.” She didn’t know if the violence had already begun or not, but she sighed in relief when Ari said she’d been hiding out with the earth student here, too. ”Good. But…we can’t do this forever. We’re going to have to go to classes tomorrow, unfortunately.” They couldn’t hide out from the world—not for long, anyway. As said as it was, there was also truth in it.

”Nah, that’s okay, Ari,” she said when Ari mentioned her brother. ”I wouldn’t want to be a burden on anyone. Besides, I’m much better off on my own that anything.” Downtown definitely wasn't the safest place to live, that was for damn sure, but it was better than nothing. If she knew his occupation, she'd have been even more reluctant to stay with him. She was a criminal, in more ways than her friends knew. She'd told most that she worked as a bartender, but she also hadn't mentioned that she was an illegal in every possible way, with a fake ID, fake license, and fake identity. She was a matricide for Christ's sake. She had a feeling if her schoolmates knew that, they wouldn't have been so quick to defend her. Yeah, her brother definitely would not protect her.

Ari herself seemed really distressed about it all, proven as she absent-mindedly grabbed for her teddy bear. Nell smiled softly, though it wasn’t as bright as usual. ”I think they mostly just want a scapegoat, no matter who it is. Which is why they readily believe I did it and don’t really care about sleuthing around for the truth. As long as someone is paying…well, they don’t care.” Her stomach twisted a bit, but it was the truth, no matter how much either of them wished it weren’t so. She sighed as the girl seemed to be forgetting what went down the night before. ”We were hanging out here as Earth kids do, growing flowers.” Nell snorted at the irony. Here people were accusing her of murder when she was doing something so completely harmless as that. ”And I guess there may have been others here to serve as witnesses, but as I said, I don’t think they really care. It’s probably dangerous of me to even think of parlaying with the enemy leaders.”

Nell was more thankful than she’d ever been that she had people on her side for this. Back in America, it wasn’t the same. Everyone was her enemy. Her family managed to twist the truth so much that she came to be thought of as a cold-blooded murderer, and she was having a hard-time convincing herself that it wasn’t true. After all, it had all been in self-defense. ”I know…” she murmured. A strong part of her felt like crying, but she hadn’t cried in years and so she was sure that she’d forgotten a long time ago. ”I just…I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Promise me you’ll stay out of trouble as much as possible.” She pushed herself up and extending her pinky to Ari. ”Pinky swear that you’ll stay away from the Fire and Thunder students as much as you can. And tell me if you ever get seriously hurt, okay?” Nell could be amazingly vindictive, something she’d inherited from her father’s side of the family. But she wasn’t violent, at least. More like tricky.

[arielle]

Arielle let out a sigh and hugged the teddy even closer. “All of this is scary. I still can’t…fathom that they want to kill you.” Either that, or she doesn’t want to understand. She always tries to see the good in people; always giving other the benefit of the doubt. “I just feel they’re rushing into things. But that’s Thunder and Fire students for ya.” Boy was that right. It’s a shame that she’ll have to watch her back tomorrow. She always had to, but now she’ll need to be on alert tenfold. The thunders won’t hesitate to snap at Earth student now, but hopefully the freshman can handle it.

She frowned a bit when Nell mentioned that she didn’t want to stay with her brother. She wouldn’t be a bother on him; she’d make sure that he’d protect. But, understanding her feelings, she nodded and accepted it. Ari guessed the only safe place for her friend was her home, wherever that may be.

“How are you handling all of this calmly?” She knew she would be throwing a fit herself. Hyperventilation, deep breaths, and nausea would be a few of the feelings she would go through right about now. That just proved that Nell was a heck of a lot stronger than herself. She pushed her bear roughly to the side and sat straight up. “Oh yeah, we have been hanging out here huh?” They do it so often that she didn’t really think of it. She placed a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. We’ve got your back. It’s two elements versus two elements, with some Wind here and there. We’ll, or, I’ll do whatever it takes to help keep you and our element safe.”

She removed her hand and slowly got out of the bed. She couldn’t sit still right now; her nerves are too worked up. So instead she paced back and forth across the room like she did before Nell entered. She stopped in her tracks when her friend pleaded for her to be safe. She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. “I’ll do whatever it takes to defend myself and others…with a wary eye, I’ll promise that.” She mimicked her pose and stuck out her pinky and gripped it with Nell’s. “I promise to be safe Nell.”

((Question: Does Ari know about Nell’s past and vice versa?))

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell put her arm around Ari’s shoulders as the girl clutched onto the teddy bear. Even though the college student was older than her, she felt like the big sister right now. ”You get used to it,” she said lightly, even though the situation was anything but light. Sure, Nell knew how it felt to have people out for her, but this was in a different way. Her family wanted her incarcerated—these people wanted her dead. There was quite the difference. ”Of course they’re rushing into things, which is why it’ll be hard to deter them. Which is why we’ve got to stay strong.” That’s what Nell’s been doing her entire life, anyway. Staying strong. "Ya know, I heard about you giving the Thunder and Fire leaders the verbal middle finger in the mess hall. Wish I had stayed to see that."

Nell's smile was wry when she replied: ”I know what it’s like to be under attack. Calm is my defense mechanism.” She pulled away, and was about to open up in a way she never had before. But she trusted Ari, the girl was her best friend and it was something Nell believed a best friend should know. Pulling up her shirt, she showed up her pale white scars on her tan midsection and the prominent pink slash angling from her hipbone to her naval. Of course, these weren’t all of the scars and some of the worst psychological wounds didn’t show up on skin. ”My mother physically abused me for ten years,” Nell said quietly, feeling her stomach twist up in knots. It was hard for her, that much was apparent by the way she looked down at her stomach. With the exhibition over, she pulled it back down feeling very self-conscious because of the marred skin, and looked Ari in the eye. ”I wish I could tell you more about my past, but even that’s something I’ve never told anyone before. You see...most of my life has been spent surviving attacks. My life has been spent in a war. I know what it’s like to have people after me, too.” But she also wouldn’t tell the girl about the fact she had killed her abuser. ”I’m…desensitized, I guess. I only lasted so long because I was calm. This is no different.” Besides, she was pretty exhausted.

With the comforting gesture, Nell could have almost cried right there and turned the whole thing into a Hallmark moment. But crying was something she had forgotten how to do a long time ago. And so it was just this painful ache in her chest, pushing up into her throat. Did Ari know how much this meant to her? Probably not. But she knew more than anyone else in the Academy, and that was something of a privilege. Most people didn’t even know where she had come from, or where her parents were, or anything personal. Nell just didn’t let others in like that. But she’d let Ari in. ”Thank you, really,” she murmured with a broad smile. ”I’m not used to this kind of support. I’m glad I have yours.” And there was the ever-present feeling that she did not deserve Ari or the rest of the Earths and Waters. Nell had said that her mother had physically abused her for ten years—she’d been psychologically abused her entire life. Which is how she ended up with her self-esteem saying that she didn’t deserve anything good. That in a way, she deserved this war because it was karma’s way of paying her back for her true murder.

Sighing as the girl paced, Nell felt very guilty that she had to be caught up in this war. Not only because of the whole self-esteem issue, but because of the fact Ari would get hurt. Nell’s friends were all in danger, and that was the worst thing about it. But she had to admire Ari—after all, she was looking determined with her fists clenched and her stance hard as if she were ready for battle. Thankfully, the older girl didn’t think Nell immature for her pinky swear. It was what she always used to do with her sister, and it was an example of how she wasn’t completely grown up. It was a paradox in the way she lived—she had been forced to mature too soon, but she was still very naïve in the ways of the world. ”Good,” Nell said. ”And I’ll make sure to protect you guys whenever I can.” Of course, physically and elementally she was a wimp. But when it came to trickery…well, she was a clever girl. She knew how to defend the ones she loved without engaging in outright combat.

[now she does! Trololo~ xD I guess Ari can tell her past now or something.]

[arielle]

Get used to it? Please… The Earth girl thought this as Nell stated that as her response. Nell’s strong at heart, Ari could never take things as easily as she did, which is one of the many reasons why she respected the heck out of this girl. She nodded at her next statement. They did need to be strong, and stay strong. She would probably have to go to Ashton sometime later one this week for some guidance. She laughed out loud at Nell’s latest remark. “Oh, well, I guess it could’ve been. I was just speaking my mind. I call b.s. when I see it, you know me.” She gave a sly wink at the end of the statement with a smirk.

“Hmm. Loudness and smart remarks must be mine then…” She gave her friend a thumb’s up with her good choose of a defense mechanism. She saw Nell pull away, and instantly knew something was up. She looked drawn, like she was about to do something that she’s never done before, and her next words confirmed it. She looked down at the scars her friend showed her and gasped, not because they were ugly, but that they were on her, and someone had the balls to put them on her. “Oh my…Nell hon.” Tears started to form in the older girl’s eyes. Not her Nell, no not her. She grabbed her and stroked her hair. “I’m so sorry dear.” It’s one thing going through a terrible past personally, but another when you find out that someone else’s is just as bad as yours: Times that by 10 when that someone is your best friend. She listened and rocked back and forth, while holding her friend in the process.

“I hoped that no one’s life would be as messed up as mine…” She withdrew her hold on the girl and enclosed in on herself. She felt the need to tell Nell about her screwed up past as well, but how would she tell her? She wiped the remainder of the tears away from her eyes and looked over at her plant. It was the same one that was at the first therapy session she went to when she was 14ish. She reached over and grabbed it, and showed it to Nell. “You’ve always wondered why I kept this thing here, but I never told you the absolute truth. This plant has help me…with my problems.” Refusing to look up at Nell, she continued by focusing on the plant. Taking a deep breath, she went on. “I was raped by my father when I was little.” She went on like the tears coming out of her eyes. “I saw this plant, and I realized that I was so much like it. It was dead, lifeless and withered. I hated the way it looked, so I healed it, and in the process it healed me...sorta It taught me that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

She didn’t tell Nell how filthy and used she felt, didn’t tell her how much she hated her life at one point that she almost killed herself, didn’t tell Nell that life was unfair, because she knew perfectly that Nell already knew those things. And who knows, maybe she thought the same things once in her life too. She took a deep, shuddered breath and looked up at her friend finally. She looked like she was about to cry herself, but didn’t. Ari thought that maybe she didn’t have any tears left, unlike her who had an endless supply. She would say she could borrow some of hers, but knew the offer would be declined. “I guess since then I’ve always stood up for the underdog,” she said with a wary smile. “Which is why I won’t let anyone run over you like they’ve done me.” She hugged her friend again and murmured a ‘your-welcome.’

She nodded broadly at her and replied, “Good, then we have a deal.” She sat in her computer chair backwards and rested her head on the back cushion. “So, what are we going to do next?”

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell snorted at her friends words. Yeah, she had quite a bit of sass. Especially good for a time like this. Unlike a lot of Earth students, Ari had a bite with her bark. Nell merely barked real loud and viciously then curled up in a corner to sleep.

She was surprised by this reaction. Of course she was, she’d never told anyone this before so how could she predict any sort of reaction? But she hadn’t been expecting comfort because she had never gotten any when it came to her past. The people who knew even the smallest bit of her history were twisting it into their own version of the truth. Nell didn’t expect her words to have such an effect, either, to where she saw her friend’s eyes glimmer with tears. And no, she didn’t expect to be pulled into Ari and she could have crumbled right then. As a matter of fact, she eyes instinctively widened, and she buried her face into Ari’s shoulder. It felt nice to be comforted, even though she felt selfish for the confession. Ari didn’t need to know. She didn’t need this. Nell was supposed to be strong here, but she revealed how vulnerable she truly is. Still, she let herself have this one bit of selfishness so that she could feel comforted for once. Staying silent, she recovered from finally admitting something that she never thought she’d speak aloud.

’…messed up as mine?’ Nell blinked as she watched the girl. She gazed down at the flower, hands in her lap. She never did know why Ari was so attached to the plant. But she stayed silent as Ari explained. There couldn’t have been more physical pain if the girl had punched Nell in the gut. No. Rape was something very unforgiveable to her, especially when it was her friend, especially when it’s done by a father, someone you’re supposed to trust. Her own father now seemed like a fucking saint. No, nothing about that was right. It was barely something she could understand. Ari wouldn’t even look her in the eye, which was understandable. If she were any other person, she’d be dissolved into tears right now. But that’s not how she responded to pain. There was simply an expression of destitution on her face as she wiped the tears from Ari’s eyes with her forefinger.

Nell didn’t like hearing the girl call herself dead and withered, but at least it helped her with something. The concept of rebirth. It was perhaps why Nell burned the paper cranes she and her sister had made after Tilly’s death—because it represented lost hope and sickness, and she might have been thinking of the phoenix rising from the ashes as she torched them with a lighter. But that wasn’t what happened there hadn’t been any sort of strength coming from that. Burning those paper cranes led to the first show of physical abuse by her mother. ”Everyone has at least one secret that would break your heart,” Nell murmured. She didn’t realize how true it was until now. ”I don’t think anyone had a perfect childhood, unfortunately. But you’re right. We can’t focus on the past if we want to get stronger.” But first one needed to reconcile with the past, and Nell had far from done that. ”It sounds horrible, but I’m glad I have someone else who understand what it’s like to have shitty parents.” They both had been betrayed by the people who were supposed to care for them. And they both refused to go around pitying themselves, it seemed.

Another hug, and Nell felt a lot better about the entire situation in general. Like she could face this war and give it the middle finger. Maybe now her strong façade wouldn’t have to be a façade. ”The underdog,” Nell said with a light snort. She guessed that’s what she was. Less so now, though. Before—when absolutely no one had been on her side—she was a true underdog. She watched Ari sit in her chair and side as she laid flat on her stomach, taking a moment to bury her face in the blankets and think. Then, she lifted her head and said with a half-smile, ”Form a war council?” More seriously, she added, ”I honestly don’t know, Ari. This is my first war. I just enrolled, after all. I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.”

[arielle]

Ari grew silent after she spoke. She thought about Nell’s prior life, and Nell probably thought about hers too. It’s no wonder they clicked automatically. When Nell first came to this school this year, there was some familiarity about her. It was facial recognition: it was something else. She didn’t know what made her walk up to her and introduce herself back then, but now she did. They both shared similar pasts: pasts with adults who failed Parenting 101 apparently.

She tried to ignore her friend’s reaction when she told her about her past, but it was difficult thanks to her peripheral vision. She smiled a tiny bit when Nell wiped away her tear. She was surprised to see that she wasn’t crying, but then again, this is Nell: solid as a rock Nell, ans she loved her for it. She placed her plant carefully back to its original spot and wiped her eyes thoroughly. Man she hated crying. She felt so pathetic and vulnerable: her two least favorite feelings. She nodded in agreement to Nell’s statement. “Sad, but true,” she murmured in reply.

Ari laughed out loud at Nell’s remark about shitty parents. It wasn’t funny, but she laughed anyway. Maybe in understanding or agreement or something. She didn’t know; her emotions are going haywire right now. “Yeah. It just proves that no one is alone on this planet. There’s always at least one other person who has the same or similar life as you…you just have to find them I guess.” She spoke this as her gaze drifted towards the ceiling.

“That does make sense. This is your first year here.” She then looked over at Nell with a quizzical smile. “This is your first year, and you’re already getting into trouble. Tsk tsk young lady.” She scoffed playfully while spinning her chair back and forth. “I guess we’ll have to play along with the little game of theirs and see what the end result is,” she said in a more somber tone.

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