>> WHO CARE'S IF WE'RE TRASHED [emmett]

[EMMETT HIKARU NAKAMURA]

Emmett listened silently as she listed the things she remembered--cringing slightly as she mentioned him saying sorry. It wasn't like he hadn't meant it, but Emmett wasn't the kind of guy to apologize for shit he'd done, no matter how bad it was. He had his pride (probably a lot bigger than it should be), and truthfully, Karlee was probably the only person he apologized to. Was it something he was proud of? Hard to say, especially when Emmett didn't at all fill in the empty spots for her at all. Rather, in his mind, he felt like he expected her to accept his apology; expected her to not ask why and dig into his past--and that's what made Emmett feel like the biggest jerk in the world. Granted, it probably was true. But Karlee accepted that fact, even embracing him in this moment. He just felt like he didn't deserve this kind of thing. "Oh," Emmett said stupidly, quickly immersing himself back into the silence. He stared back at Karlee as she looked at him, feeling his eyes grow gentler as each moment passed and he reached his hand out, his fingers softly stroking her cheek. This was all so unfamiliar to Emmett--the warmth, the security. He had a hard time swallowing the fact that Karlee liked a guy like him.

If Emmett were his normal self--the cold, unapologetic self--he would've stayed in the kiss, letting the warmth and electricity consume him...but he wasn't. The moment they kissed was like a trigger to him. The same, amazing feeling he felt when he kissed her for the first time was still there, but the guilt in his stomach intensified. This isn't right. Emmett felt like he was taking advantage of Karlee. Not physically, but rather emotionally. It took him a moment before he could even glance at Karlee, but when he did, his eyes felt glued to her. Emmett sighed, hesitantly turning his body towards her, his own eyes adverting down at the bed. He stayed silent for a moment further, his lips searching for the words and explanations, but nothing came out. The frustration began to build up and he flopped onto the bed again, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. "Do you promise," Emmett started, his voice low and soft, "not to...tell anyone?" That seemed a little weak. Rather, he wanted her to promise not to laugh. Not to think he was ridiculous. Not to think all of this was bullshit. Not to runaway. There were so many things Emmett wanted to say, but he couldn't, and his hands clenched a fistful of the bed sheets as he showed his frustration.

"I never wanted to leave you there alone." He felt the need to start with that, because he didn't want her to misunderstand anything he was about to explain to her. In the back of his mind Emmett wondered if Karlee would even understand. Hell, even he didn't understand it. All of it could be considered silly and childish and just...weak. And he wasn't. But Emmett just didn't know how to word it so it didn't sound like that. "I ran into some trouble on the way." His breath tightened in his throat, anticipating whatever reaction she may have. He wasn't lying--it was true. But that probably wouldn't even count as an explanation, and so he finally spit it out. "I have ochlaphobia. Fear of crowds," he explained further, his fist tightening as each word slipped from his lips. It took months for Emmett to even tell this to his best friends--and here he was, spilling it all to a girl people would argue to be a stranger. And maybe they were, but at this moment, Emmett didn't know anymore. "I was abandoned in a crowd of strangers when I was younger. My mom didn't want anything to do with me anymore, so..." he trailed off, Emmett's eyes refusing to meet Karlee's. He could feel the wound he so desperately covered up lashing at his chest, the stinging sensation invading his senses. "I know. It sounds stupid, right?" Emmett said softly, though he wondered if he was talking to Karlee at this point or himself. "But whenever I even get near a group of people, panic sets in. All the flashbacks, the feeling of being unwanted, my mom--" Emmett took a breath to calm himself, finally sitting up again, his eyes unwavering as he looked at Karlee, hoping she'd piece the puzzle together herself. Him wandering off to get them hot chocolate, him not returning. It was all there--but would Karlee even believe him?

Sighing in frustration, Emmett got up from the bed, walking over to the window he was looking out of earlier so his back was to Karlee. Everything he just said right now sounded stupid in his head. Stupid that he was letting his guard down and showing off his weakness. This was exactly the reason why he isolated himself. It was a never-ending cycle with people--they enter your lives, play around with you until they're satisfied, and leave. "Whatever. Forget it." Emmett's voice was cold, distant. Just like to every other stranger he met.

[karlee]

Karlee wasn't very good at making friends. Let alone keeping friends. Or even somebody as more than friends - such as Emmett was turning out to be. She hadn't ever had a real boyfriend, so it was weird for her. More like a variety of random "one night only" guys. Although she had a feeling Emmett was turning out to be more than the one night stand. Well, he already kind of was, since they hadn't even done anything together. Things where moving a lot slower than she was remotely used to, but she was alright with that. With him anyways. It felt like thats how it was supposed to be. He looked nervous when he was speaking, and she smiled a little softly, and took one of his hands in hers. "I promise."

Even though Karlee was sort of loud, obnoxious, and rude sometimes, she was a caring person. Well, when it came to people she actually liked. She was an extremely loyal friend. She held back the sarcastic comments she was tempted to make. He was probably having a hard time talking about this stuff. She figured there had to be some reason. She couldn't figure out why she had gotten so angry, either. Maybe because she had actually really started to like him. She still did, but for the longest time - or well, until the previous night, she tried to be mad at him. Her avoiding him only went so well for so long. "What kind of trouble?" She asked, her voice quiet. He was making it sound bad. Like he was in trouble with the cops or something. Or some gang. Although she really couldn't imagine Emmett in a gang. When he explained his fear of crowds, she didn't let her eyes waver off him. I don't understand why he was afraid to tell me that. She thought, although she had something similar. She didn't tell people about her fear of water. As he continued the story it felt like her heart was sinking. She could relate though. Both of her parents abandoned her as well. "No no, that doesn't stupid at all!" She said, shaking her head a bit. She sounded concerned, probably. She just kind of wanted to hug him right now.

She belived him. The emotion in his eyes, the fact that he couldn't make eye contact with her. She propped herself up and sighed a little, watching him go over to the window. "Don't tell me to forget it." She said, getting off of the bed and going over to him. "Look at me please." She said, softly.The coldness in his voice made her heart sink again, but she understood why. Gently she took both of his hands and turned him a little bit to look at her. Her eyes where softer than they had been in a long time and she was trying to think of the right thing to say to him. "I don't want you to be afraid to tell me anything. I'm not going to laugh at you. Or make fun of you. I promise." She said, placing one hand over her heart and smiling at him a little. "It's natural for people to be scared of stuff." She swallowed a little, thinking it was only fair that she told him hers. "I can't even go near a pool, lake, river... really any body of water without just about passing out." She shook her head a little. "So being scared of something isn't something to be ashamed of..."

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[EMMETT HIKARU NAKAMURA]

A flurry of emotions kept Emmett holding his breath in anticipation. He didn't know how she'd react, if she'd even stay--because he was used to the departure of people in his life. That shouldn't even be Emmett's fault in the first place, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was. Why else would they leave? It was obvious Emmett had to have some part in that kind of decision. Sometimes he liked to believe that there were other reasons that didn't involve him. At times it made him feel better, but others it just made him feel worse knowing he was just fooling himself. But now, with Karlee by his side grasping his hand, all of those worries slipped between his fingers and he stared back at her, his own soft smile forming on his lips. With Emmett's other hand, he softly touched her lips with his fingertips, the soft and warm skin burning under his touch.

It was hard even admitting this sort of stuff. Hell, it took more than a year to tell his best friends. So why Karlee? To whom he barely knew for a few weeks? In his mind he already felt guilty to his friends. But Karlee was sitting right next to him--there was no heading back as she looked at him with those big, blue eyes of hers. She looked so intent as she listened. As a matter of fact he actually even wondered if she was even listening, though he quickly pushed that thought into the back of his head. For a split moment Emmett felt even guiltier for just thinking that. No, he wasn't going to think negatively, not when Karlee was so willing to listen to him and his...sob story. That's exactly Emmett though of it; mostly the reason why he didn't go around telling people about it. He didn't want pity nor did he need it. He was fine just the way things were. People not knowing why he was the way he was, freely judging him. He was fine with that because they were all based on lies anyways. They didn't know him and if they believed all the lies and gossip, then he let them. It just showed him how shallow today's society was. As if he didn't know already, but it also showed who was even worth it. Karlee right now was one of them.

He stayed silent as she asked him a question. He'd get to it later in his explanation, but he squeezed her hand lightly in response, as if telling her silently not to worry. The last thing Emmett wanted was for Karlee to just senselessly worry about him. He was fine on his own and he didn't like the thought of putting her in that state of anxiousness. Emmett had no right to. His eyes met Karlee's again and he forced himself to look away. It wasn't easy to look at her right now because he was unsure what she was thinking. Was Karlee judging him? Laughing at him? Pitying him? God, this was all so nerve wracking. Emmett remembered this feeling when he first told Kai and Bella about his phobia. Well, rather, forcing it out. He wasn't a very vocal person and saw no reason to say a dark secret about yourself unless it hurt the people around you. Just...with Karlee, everything around him started to change. Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, he wasn't sure--because he didn't know if she'd walk out on him. Why would that even affect him? They weren't dating or anything like that. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, biting down on tongue to prevent himself from rolling his eyes when Karlee claimed it wasn't stupid. Of course it was. Emmett might as well be scared of people in general instead of when they just banded together in groups.

Emmett's forte was staying silent. Mostly because he either wanted the other person to leave or he just didn't know what to say or how to react. In this situation it was the mix of the last two, and he blinked in surprise when he heard the shuffle of bed sheets and footsteps--all leading towards him. Her soft whisper forced Emmett to look down at her, his cold exterior suddenly breaking down into shattered pieces of ice. He gazed at her seriously for a moment, her warms hands feeling like fire as she grasped his. And when Karlee spoke again, he was at a loss for words. What could he say? So all he did was just nod, Emmett's hands softly squeezing hers as she spoke again. The guilt began fading, his hands suddenly dropping hers as she told him of her fears, and pulled her into his arms. Emmett stayed silent again and tucked the top of her head under his chin, whispering in her ear. "Thank you."

He pulled back after a moment to look at her in the eyes, the feeling of acceptance which he hadn't felt in a long time washing over him. Emmett took a step closer, his eyes searching hers curiously, before he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "Thank you," he murmured again, their lips just barely brushing. Normally shit like this made Emmett cringe. The telling of dark secrets (especially to those he barely knew), baring all vulnerabilities out in the open, the whole mushy romance crap that girls swooned over in movies...

But he was strangely okay with it. And looking at Karlee right now, in his arms, he couldn't have asked for anything else in that moment.

[end<3]