I WAS SINKING;; tagged Nell,

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell smiled at the request. ”I would make you anything,” she chirped. She was excited that the girl had asked something of her, and she couldn’t withold the feeling. ”I’ll grow you a garden full of your favorite flowers, or grow any food you like. Water lillies are your favorite, right? Maybe by the end of the year I can find a way to make them thrive in any climate, that way you can have a lake full of them in the winter.” And maybe that would be the last thing Deirdra ever knew of her, since come winter, she’ll be gone. Possibly forever. Maybe Nell wouldn’t be important enough for the girl to even miss, and that was fine. She didn’t want to be remembered, she just wanted to make other people happy. If any of the things she offered would make Deirdra happy, that’s all she could ask for. And my freedom to grow more flowers for her. It seemed too much to wish for. The world was set against her.

”If no one had good intentions, I don’t think charity would exist, or paying it forward, or love.“ What was that quote? “Hell is paved with good intentions?” Oh well, that was in some cases, she supposed. Nell didn’t like the way Deirdra seemed so…listless. Not that she disliked the girl for it, no, but she’d grown a certain affection for her and therefore it perturbed her. ”Not everyone will hurt you, even if it seems that way.” She lifted her head, eyes bright. Nell couldn’t believe that everyone hurt the girl—after all, she’d even said herself that people just ignored her. But there must have been at least one person out there to befriend her. Just as there was many bad people in the world, there were many good people. And even though Nell didn’t consider herself a necessarily good person, she liked to at least help others. They were the ones who mattered. ”I’m not hurting you, am I?” Then her lips twitched into a slight frown when she said, ”Tell me if I am, though. I’ll understand.” Self-conscious and always worried about others feelings, it was a somewhat bad combination. A smile quickly reclaimed her features to counteract Deirdra’s apathy.

Her smile grew wider than, saying, ”Perfect! It’s a plan then!” Tapping a finger against her chin, Nell considered, ”I’ll need to get a date and everything, sometime when neither of us are busy. Oh, do you have a phone?” She liked to have the contact information of her friends. A lot of the time, she’d get late drunken texts, asking her ‘can u drive ms hoomee?’ while studying. And she’d get in her car and force an address out of whoever needed a designated. Same thing came with being a bartender—though she learned her lesson in not trying to help the aggressive drunks home. Thank you, Josh. Anywho, she always liked to keep up with friends, and call or text them at random times, sometimes inviting them out. She needed other people at all times—loneliness made her think, it made her scared.

[xmarci]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] Deirdra Rosewood my soul is on fire, a shot in the dark - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Deirdra was admittedly surprised at the enthusiasm of Nell's response. Did she enjoy using her powers that much? Or was it just exciting now that she was at a more advanced level? Granted, Dee herself very much enjoyed the feeling of using her power, the sight of the plants, the touch, and the slight fatigue that grew the more she used it. Since she used her powers a lot, she had a good amount of stamina—small things were barely noticeable at this point. But enough time spent at anything was tiring. Giving Nell an odd sort of look, Deirdra said quietly, ”No, not what I want. Imagine something.” Another faint smile hit her face, though, and she said, ”That would be nice, though. A whole lake full of water lilies.” ”Do I bother you?” The question seemed to come out of nowhere. But Dee was watching her companion closely, noticing when her words would cause a small frown to appear between Nell's brows. She couldn't decide whether Nell's opinion of her was important or not. It certainly didn't change her own. Then, she went back to the subject at hand. ”People change. Doesn't matter how much they love me.” As always, her father was the driving point behind her words. Nell would understand everything if she just knew the past the had made Deirdra. There would be an explanation for the blank expression, the lightless eyes and the morbid outlook on life. But no, right now Deirdra was simply a manic depressive with nothing but a plethora of internal walls keeping her from acting out like her father. Nell's question came from nowhere, Deirdra thought, and her dull gaze snapped toward the other earth student. ”No. Why would this hurt me?” But not being hurt right now didn't mean Nell wouldn't hurt her later. Sure, Deirdra was beginning to feel secure enough to risk it at times, but the believe that everyone would fail her was still deeply engraved into her soul. Just because Nell was nice didn't mean she was good. There was such a big difference there. After a few moments, the green eyes turned to some other part of the garden. ”You might later though. Probably will. Somehow.” This was accompanied by the slightest of shrugs. There was a subtle different between despairing a reality and calming accepting it as fact. Deirdra was now doing the latter, and that was what would make it all the more heartbreaking. ”I'm out there every day.” She said blankly, after Nell had spun off in a flurry of getting things planned. The amount of excitement wafting from her was...intriguing. It was odd that such a girl would want so bad to spend some time with Deirdra. ”Find me after class one day. We might even have the save one.” It made sense. They were both earths and both in the same grade, after all. She nodded, ”Yes, I have a phone.” Only because he uncle did not want her to be unable to reach him in an emergency. Not that she had ever called during any of her emergencies. But it made both of them feel better to have that connection. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[NELL DOE DALE]

Nell blew up her bangs and they hovered before settling back against her forehead. She flopped down across the bench, and said, ”There is so much I could do!” That she wanted to do. Except fight. She didn’t think she would ever be able to use her powers that way again. It was scary to think that at one point in her life, she may be as terrifed as she was that night and seriously hurt someone. She hadn’t even wanted to hurt her mother, she was just…scared. Trapped. Always trapped. And she reacted like a porcupine and the predator. Since she didn’t like to think about these things—if she thought too hard, she remembered things, and they became more tangible—she didn’t. Couldn’t. If these things came up from the vault she buried in her mind, it would mean another breakdown. And maybe another kitten, but she didn’t know if that was worth it.

Turning her head on the stone so that her clip didn’t dig into her scalp, and regarded Deirdra with her imploring wide eyes, as if trying to plea with her to understand. ”Oh no, of course not! I don’t think you could ever bother me!” It took a lot to bother her. And the only people who did were her family, because they knew how to get to her. Knew enough about her history that they could use it against her. But she was not easily perturbed, at all. Nell didn’t know how to respond to the girl next words, just acquired a pensive look as she dropped a hand down to play with the grass under the bench she lay on. People do change. It was in human nature to do so. Sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. Such was life, and it was something everyone was forced to accept sooner or later.

Nell grew a dandelion, and picked it off to blow off the white fluff. ”I just want to make sure you’re comfortable, is all,” she explained, her arm behind her head on the bench. ”You never know what things may bother people.” There were things she never talked about—a lot of things—that others may be more comfortable with. Where did you go to school? What was your favorite hobby? Where are your parents? Where are you from? No, that is information she cannot put in another’s hands with an easy conscious. She could think only of Josh and Ari as people she revealed parts of her past to. Nell’s smile was easy. ”I sure hope not,” she said, a bit somber. ”I don’t like to hurt people.” But she guessed she tended to do it all the time. She could be blamed for Tilly’s death, and she could be blamed for her father leaving her, and she could certainly be blamed for killing her mother. As a matter of fact, she’d been hurting people from the womb—it was her fault her twin had been born ill.

Pushing herself up on her elbows, she sent Deirdra a bright smile. ”I will, I will,” she said, with her repetitive tic she usually used in cheeriness. Her voice oftentimes turned into a light and almost clipped tone in these moments with exhileration. After exchanging numbers, Nell was about to say something about how pretty and big the gardens were, she felt it vibrate and in her hand and Boombox began to play. She looked down to see that Josh was calling her. Ducking her head apologetically, she said, ”Sorry, I should probably take this.” She left with a cheery wave, already having plans in mind.



(felt like a good place to end)