|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 5, 2011 18:03:56 GMT -5
 “How’s the month been going for you, Nell?” His voice was friendly, but not too friendly. Indifferent friendly, like people who made conversation for the sake of being polite. It was the same in theory, actually. He was just making conversation for money. And since when did you get so bitter? She hated these thoughts, the sometimes cynical ideas that crossed her mind. They scared her. Was this a step toward her mother, becoming like the woman she had always feared becoming? Was she going to stop trusted everyone, and just hide away from the world? No, she thought. I love the world too much. And she cherished that as something that set her apart from Mia. She may have trusted to easily, but it was better than not trusting at all. She may have naïve views on the world, but it was better than being jaded and becoming a shut-in. The fear of falling into reclusive habits is something that got her out of the apartment each day, other than school, of course. She may not have been particularly happhy about it, but it got her going.
She shrugged, a smile lighting up her features as she looked at her counsellor with keen brown eyes. ”Good. Better.” Liar. It wasn’t better than December had been, and it seemed that she was in hibernation. The cold outside made her shrink away, shrivel up and turn into something less than she once was. But she didn’t show it. No one knew, and that’s what she wanted. She wanted to keep everyone safe from her, to keep them from knowing that there were things that clawed at her throat and made her want to cry, things haunting her nights but she still retreated to them because they were safer than reality. And she loved it when she saw that it worked, saw her loved ones happy, because that’s all she ever wanted. Happiness for everyone around her. He nodded, wrote down something on his notepad as if she’d said something worth documenting. ”Have you been taking the Prozac?” She almost felt guilty, but then remembered that she was getting slightly better with taking it. She knew it was her only option left at this part, and even though she hated the idea of an artificial mood, it wasn’t as terrible as everything else. ”Mhmm. It’s been working.” It got her out of the bed, out of the door, into the world, and she guessed that’s all she needed. A temporary fix.
Dr. Warren nodded, and started asking those damned questions, too personal, too probing. He was trying to figure her out, and it always made her uncomfortable. She didn’t think it was helping. After all, the trial was what caused this, right? All the questions that Pilar had asked? Even as she thought it, she knew that it wasn’t true. It was a downfall over years, the length of repression just increasing the lapse into her depression. And he asked if Nell had garnered a distrust of adult figures because of her experiences, and asked if she hated her mother, and asked if she’d ever thought of homicide before then. Or suicide. Or any other violent thoughts that terrified her. She was not a violent person, or someone who was always sad. She was just…her. She was most certainly not an animal to be dissected, even though that’s how he always made her feel. Time up, and he smiled at her and she’d grown to hate that smile, even though it wasn’t real hate. She never hated anyone. ”See you tomorrow,” she said nicely. I’m a murderer, and that’s all I’ll ever be to you, she thought, and she had to get out of the office, away from the building and into the car.
She decided to head toward the beach and its nice landscape, because she’d gotten herself out of the house, she wasn’t about to make her way back there now. Her grocery shopping had decreased with how little she ate, and she was dropping pounds like nothing, so it wasn’t on her list of things to do. She wondered if her therapist had written this down in his notepad, remembering that it was a side-effect of the Prozac. It was happening even before then. Pressing a hand to her stomach, she couldn’t feel her ribs underneath her jacket, but she knew they were there pushing against her skin as if trying to break out. I don’t want this. Nell got out of the car, walked down to the shore, a sharp chill running up her spine and making her jump. She looked around at the wintery landscape, no one else there, probably curling up with hot chocolate at home. And here she was, deliberating something she probably should not have been thinking of. A smile crossed her features. She took out her phone, texted Mercer because she hadn’t seen the girl in some time and she ight enjoy this. ”You should come down to the beach. ;],” the text read, and she pocketed the phone, watching her breath come out as ghosts climbing up into the firmament.
|
|
|
|
Post by mercer on Dec 7, 2011 18:01:32 GMT -5
 what a mischief you would bring young darling!WHEN THE ONUS IS NOT YOUR OWN, WHEN YOU'RE UP FOR IT BEFORE YOU'VE GROWN---------------------------------------------------------Upside down makes everything… upside down. Granted, not the most intellectual thought process to have ever cross Mercer’s mind, but it was an observation nevertheless. Legs thrown over the top of the arm chair and head half hanging off the edge of the seat, Mercer’s pale green eyes gazed transfixed on the television screen. A hoard of buffalo trampled through the snow laced oasis as a singular wolf raced behind them. A male British voice that held the kind of presence that made you sit up – or down, if you were Mercer – and listen, like Morgan Freeman or Liam Neeson, narrated the scene. Mercer had always been one for knowledge and learning so was always partial to some televised factual shows, and although this was no usually daytime activity she’d dedicated an hour or so to, it was the only thing there was do. It had been edited for daytime scheduling, Mercer would assume for the benefit of younger kids whose parents probably forced them to watch it but without the grizzly shit that really went down in the animal world. The day had been slow which was why Mercer had reduced herself to odd sitting positions and random television viewing.
Her phone had lodged itself between the awkward gap between the armrest and seat cushion, buzzing five times louder due to its restricted placement. The red head jolted a little when she heard the unexpected noise, sitting upright immediately and regretting it as she quickly became light headed. She took a moment for the world to fall into balance again before fumbling around, reaching her arm down the side of the chair before finally reaching her cell. She hit the select button in mid-buzz, the little envelope opening up; a single sentence greeting her; You should come down to the beach. ;] “How elusive!” Mused Mercer to herself with a smile, already up on her feet. Be it a positive trait or possible flaw, Mercer would always be the type of person who got up and did things without being asked twice, let alone asked at all. So when she received Nell’s text, her reply was simple, "See you in ten!" No queries as to why, no second thought as to what they were going to do. Mercer headed into situations without a second thought. It made life exciting, didn't it.
Spontaneity was a factor of her life that would always remain; she was ever curious and sometimes things, interests caught her by surprise. Besides, if you didn’t act upon sudden impulses, you’d miss out on things you may never get to do again. She learnt it from her older brother, Seth, who had dropped out of any form of higher education in order to pursue his own aspirations of art. He seized the moment, remained true to himself and because of that he was happy. It sure was a contrast to her sister Kennedy who was the complete opposite, wanting to fit in and rebel in typical ways that only caused conflict and cast a bad light on her. At least when Seth rebelled he did it for a worthy cause; his future. Kennedy seemed desperate to throw it away. But enough about the siblings and back to Mercer who was currently changing out of her comfy grey yoga pants and into her skinny jeans before stepping into a pair of scuffed brown boots. She wrapped up warm, enveloping herself in a thick jacket before departing, absentmindedly leaving the television on behind her, and the closing titles of the documentary resounding in her wake.
Pure puffs of air escaped Mercer’s lips before rising, joining the clouds overhead as she walked in the direction of the shore. She held her breath as she passed a trio of smoking girls that sat on a low wall just beyond the campus grounds, the three surrounded by smoke as they passed around the white cylinder. What’s she up to… considered Mercer for the first time she’d left the building as she thought of Nell’s text, wondering why she was at the shore in the first place. Mercer adored Nell. She was the kind of girl the red head respected and felt proud of being a friend of because she was so genuine. There was a lot of crap going on in Nell’s life, stuff Mercer didn’t know about exactly, stuff she had no intention of asking about. Word travelled around a small town like this quickly, took effect as quickly as spilt acid on tissue paper. Certainly, Mercer was shocked at the news, but she was also appalled at people’s reactions – how they judged so quickly! Perhaps it because she was bias as Nell was her friend and she knew that surely something as serious as murder would have been caused by some underlying trouble.
The wind became stronger as Mercer approached Lakeside Beach, though –naturally- she could breathe easy. Mercer could taste the salt in the air, the miniscule partials of ice which the wind carried along with it. She felt at one with the breeze; it didn’t stunt her steps, it carried her along. A figure in the distance became clearer and soon enough, Mercer was merely steps away from the brunette. “The lady doth call, upon her beckon I reply with my presence.” Ever one for odd arrivals, Mercer announced herself to Nell before she’d fallen into step with her. A bright smile was already upon her cold-reddened lips, cheeks bright and clashing with her vibrant locks. Thrusting her hands into her pocket, Mercer drew her shoulders up to her ears with a slight shiver before relaxing them; “I can only assume you have some delightfully devious plans brewing.”
|
|
|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 7, 2011 18:42:58 GMT -5
Nell’s lips quirked up into a smile when she received the text back. Good. She could wait. It may have been cold, and her Earth sensibilities were very offended, but it was numbing her minds and her thoughts. They were the worst things for her nowadays, the damning ideas and ponderings and she just did too much of it nowadays. Things that she wouldn’t dare consider before came floating to the forefront of her mind like a piece of driftwood washed up on shore. Repression didn’t happen for her anymore, and she guesseed it was because the trial had left her defenseless, stripped her of her barriers and defenses and left her naked before the world. It could destroy a person, and she felt as if it were on its way with her. At least it’s cold out. Is that really what she was thankful for? The cold? She almost laughed out loud at that, almost twirled around in a circle and smiled at the sky as if not a care existed. Nell still pretended it was like that, as if everything was the same as before she’d went off to New York for her ‘vacation.’ Her friends couldn’t tell the difference, for which she was glad. She liked the idea she could hide, even though the people she came across may always hold more information about her than she would like.
And thinking of friends, it was almost as if summoning the devil as she heard a voice she recognized. ”Oh, and doth mine eyes deceive me? A peculiar maiden draws near!” She giggled a bit when she said this, turning on her heel and kicking up some sand. Nell’s cheeks were flushed red, and she saw that Mercer wasn’t doing much better. She did a bow, flourishing her arm as she did so and walked backwards, careful not to trip. Her coordination was very helpful when she was being an idiot with her friends. She was glad to see that Mercer came, anyway. There was always a doubt, and she hated that. It wasn’t unusual to have friends not respond to texts or phone calls, no matter how hard she tried to reach them. She didn’t blame those people, knowing what they’d probably found out. That she was a liar, that she had decieved them for months or longer, depending on when she’d met them. She couldn’t blame them, or be bitter—not like she had been with the father who disappeared. Even though she understood why the man disappeared, that was different. Her friends had every right to ditch her, and even though it hurt like nothing else, she needed to learn to accept it. I’m getting close. ”Thy made expedient haste in reply to mine text message.” She winked, twirling back around and looping an arm through the gap as Mercer shoved her hands into her pockets. ”How do you do?”
Nell hummed a bit, her lips twitching into a smirk when her friend questioned her. “Really, must I always be up to something? I am not some Disney villain, thank you very much.” Nell put a hand on her hip as if to emphasize this, and then quickly added on, ”But yes, I do.” Mercer knew her well enough to understand that. Besides, the girl wasn’t slow and her friend had made no attempt to hide the glittering of her brown eyes. She directed that gaze out to the lake, impressive and almost frightening. It made her heart thump against her ribcage in anticipation. She leaned in close as if conspiring with the girl, ”Tell me, how cold are you? Because you may not be up to it, but I’ve been wanting to do this for a while.” She wasn’t about to give away her secrets of course, she was enjoying this too much. It was amazing, how much her spirits could lift with a visit from a friend. It made her happy to see her, to have one person who hadn’t turned her back. But did she knew about Nell’s shameful history, the one she had worked so hard to cover up? I hope not. It was still in her opinion that no one needs to know.
|
|
|
|
Post by mercer on Dec 10, 2011 19:56:45 GMT -5
what a mischief you would bring young darling!WHEN THE ONUS IS NOT YOUR OWN, WHEN YOU'RE UP FOR IT BEFORE YOU'VE GROWN--------------------------------------------------------- A spirited snicker escaped Mercer as the brunette offered a bow, quite fittingly to the theme they had seemed to be conversing in. Oh how the two could exchange such odd behaviour without fear of looking like a dork. Reverting back to her normal speech, she responded, “Your text was quite welcome, saved me a day of staying indoors and literally having no one but the fictional characters on television in my company.” Her teeth chattered lightly as she grinned over at Nell. “Ah, I’m breezy thanks.” She wrinkled her nose as she thought about her words and had to add an aside of “No pun intended. And how art thou?” she regarded Nell. Mercer had greeted Nell with the same encouraging and conversation tone she always hailed her with and in return received a matching tendency. It was good to see her friend again, the two having not seen one another since…well, since before news about Nell’s tainted past came back to haunt the earthy.
There was no doubt Mercer had been slightly curious as to how Nell would be. Does she know I know? Mercer momentarily thought. Knowing something about someone and not knowing if they knew you knew… it was complex business. Although she hoped her friend was alright, she didn’t want to go opening up unhealed wounds by sprinkling salt-grain reminders by asking ‘what happened’. Besides, Mercer was not a person who needed to know everything about every little secret; if she was she’d be a hypocrite as Mercer was subdued herself. In fact, she was pretty much against gossip and rumours in general, and people who interfered in other peoples affairs. Judging by behaviour and appearance, all would suggest Nell was alright. So based on that Mercer gave Nell the benefit of the doubt upon thinking that everything was fine with her at that current moment in time. “You’re not?! Does that mean all that money I spent on a dastardly evil side-kick costume has gone to waste?” She pretended to be outraged at Nell’s protest of being a Disney villain, smirking all the while. Intrigue captured her again as Nell confirmed her thoughts.
Mercer had to keep shuffling her feet to prevent her shoes from sinking into the loose grounding of sand and snow. Her toes felt numb in her shoes that were halfway buried in the snow, fingers warm from the comfort of her pocket and the shell of her ears were pink. Her walk there had worked her bloodstream and warmed her a little, though the coldness was still biting. It was bearable though, for she seemed to have reached that point where her body temperature had started to adapt to the surroundings. Mercer beamed, “Since when has mere weather stopped me, huh? Whatever it is, I’m totally doing it.”
Raring for some excitement in her day-to-day routine was always something that Mercer felt daily. She was never entirely reckless though; not dreaming of touching anything illegal but indulged in everything within reach. The thing about Mercer was, she had never found her talent. Sport was something she failed at due to her terrible co-ordination. Although her mind raced with curiosity and artistic value, she couldn’t draw for her life and writing was only something she could do if what she were writing about was fact-based. Her musical aptitude went so far as being able to play ‘Three Blind Mice’ on the recorder. It was why she took such an interest in watching other people, so she saw what they could do and be in awe of it. It was why she took such an enthusiasm to trying new things – to make up for any hobbies she might be missing out on.
“I beseech thee, Miss Nell, upon what reasoning does thee bring me to this watery estate?” Mercer threw her head back and turned her eyes to the pale sky, throwing her arms out to point out their landscape. How very dramatic the two could be; it was such fun.
|
|
|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 11, 2011 17:35:03 GMT -5
Apparently Nell had saved the Wind girl from a rather boring day, and she felt rather proud. ”I’m here for ya, babe.” She put her hands on her hip in a valiant stane. ”Your knight in shining armor, don’t you know?” Nell grinned, serious in the fact that she could be of some assistance to her friend. After all, she wouldn’t want Mercer to be stuck inside on such a…lovely day. Maybe it wasn’t lovely, but she still subscribed to the belief that each day needed to be claimed and lived to the fullest. Then what are you doing? Why are you sleeping your life away? She knew, she just didn’t want to think about it as a problem with a name, with a label like the Prozac hidden under her sick. The problems no one knew about, or at least she assumed. She liked to believe she could keep some things in her life private after the trial, unaware of the fact that Josh had found the pills and was well aware of what was going on with his girlfriend. ”I do think that I am better company than Spongebob, if I do say so myself.” She held a hand to her chest, flattering herself exaggeratedly. The girl liked to believe that she was good company, since that’s all she wanted from life—to be something for someone else to lean on or rely on. Nell didn’t even care if she was interesting or anything about herself. She just wanted Mercer to enjoy the day at least. At Mercer’s reply, there was a beat before she couldn’t hold back the laughter anymore, taking several moments before she collected herself. ”Oh dear, that was…” She cupped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from becoming too obnoxious, one hand on mercer’s arm as she leaned away.
Shaking her head when her friend said that she had gone and bought herself, Nell gave her an incredulous look as if disapproving of her purchase. ”It would seem so,” Nell said, holding her hands up and shrugging. ”Hey, you never know, you may be enlisted by a villain. Where that spiffy costume around, see what happens.” She made a ‘walking’ gesture with her fingers, always gesticulating. With the energy she had, a lot of it manifested in even conversations like this. She always had to keep her body moving, even when she felt as exhausted as she was. But she could make an effort for Mercer. The girl was nice, so easy-going and carefree that Nell really wished she could keep it that way for her. Knowing what she was actually going through just to add onto the difficulties that a person already has to deal with…? That wouldn’t be a good thing to do. Everyone had issues, and trials, and their private lives to deal with, and Nell wanted to make it easier in any way she could. Even if it was simply hanging out with someone. They didn’t need to know about her own personal life, which is another reason why she felt so violated by the trial. She didn’t want her past to affect her life now—but this is what happened, there was no escaping it. At least she could make pretend for Mercer, a girl who she’d like to keep as a frirend for a long time. Maybe forever. But then again, if life had taught her anything, it was that nothing’s built to last.
Nell bit her lip as she smiled, something she usually did to contain her eagerness. So Mercer wanted to do this? She was glad she could have a friend like this, who was willing to go along with things, because Nell would certainly do the same. Not thinking of consequences, just doing it. She exhaled from her nose, feeling like a bull as the breath turned to smoke. She liked remembering powderpuff, her nickname of ‘El Torro’. The Bull. She wanted to think of herself as strong like that. Chuckling softly at Mercer’s theatrics, she said, ”I do say, Lady Mercer of Wind, it is quite the lovely day for a swim, is it not?” Her eyes sparkled as she made a sweeping arc with her arm, gesturing to the lake. Dropping the Elizabethian speak, she explained. ”Well…you know there’s these people who go swimming in the ice cold water all the time. In New York, they have this ‘Polar Bear Club’. Apparently its good for health. Like…preventative measures.” Nell grinned. Okay, these people may have been wackjobs, but it sounded reasonable enough to her. Fun, even. ”I wanted to see if we could try it out. You know, without the bathing suits.” She wasn’t willing to get naked in front of people unless in the dark. There were things on her body that she’d like to hide.
|
|
