start again from scratch && alistair

Group projects were Joshua's worst nightmare. The moment he heard that he was being forced to collaborate with anyone about anything there was a stirring of reluctance in his chest. He was getting better at talking to people and being amiable in conversation but his ability to work with and cooperate with others when it was his grades in jeopardy was still quite compromised by his self-serving nature. He did not want to run the risk of anyone dragging him down. Gray eyes searched the faces of students now mingling about the room, looking for a friend amongst his peers. Unfortunately, he'd not made any fresh friends in this class and none of the juniors he knew well were taking Biology. He suppressed a sigh and was just about to stand in order to find someone, anyone, when he received a light tap on the shoulder. "Excuse me?" He turned around, offering a look of mild surprise to a girl that stood a fair bit shorter than him and looked quite unfamiliar. "Uh, yeah?" It was a lot less smooth than he'd have liked but she had caught him off guard. "I transferred to this class recently," she said shyly. "I'm not really sure what's going on... would you be willing to partner with me?"

If he were to be honest with himself, his knee-jerk answer would have been a 'no'. Someone who was new to the course would only be a liability—she had no idea what was going on with the group project, she'd said it herself. He didn't want to drag himself down by playing Mr. Nice Guy and agreeing. However, upon catching the eye of the teacher in another quick scan of the room he recieved a bit of a patronizing stare. Flustered and not wanting to make things worse by leaving it hanging for too long, he found himself nodding. "Er, sure, yeah, I'll partner with you." Fuck! He mentally kicked himself. He guessed that the girl felt guilty due to his obvious discomfort and Joshua found himself scrambling to get a hold of himself. He was not a compassionate or empathetic person by default but he would only make this worse for himself if he didn't cooperate with his new partner. He had been hoping to hang out with some friends during his free period but knew that all plans of such likely had to be put on hold. Oh well, he thought, resigning himself. He forced a smile. "Tell you what—why don't we meet in the library later? I could catch you up."

She seemed grateful and relieved as she nodded and sat back down to listen to the professor give the run-through of the work. If he'd been a more selfless person he might have felt guilt to know he was doing this as much for himself as he was for her but Joshua could easily suppress such things. Instead, he merely endured the rest of the explanation (taking notes as always, just in case he forgot details later) and then left for his next class. After that was lunch and then a free period with which he'd agreed to study with the girl. I didn't even get her name, he realised. Or give her mine. Shit! He could recall her face easily, having a quite decent memory, but he was almost certain he'd never asked for an identity. It was rude and he knew it was but this was another thing he shoved aside. He'd mull over all of that later. For now, lunch. It turned out to be a rather quick and boring affair seeing as the hall was too crowded for his liking and he did not stay long. He brought his coffee to the library and was careful to creep around the librarian's desk so that she did not see the hot beverage.

I'll not get any on the books, it'll be fine, he assured himself as he took the stairs to one of the upper floors and selected a table. There was still a good deal of time to waste before he was set to meet up with his partner but he did not quite know what to do with it. He could have read, of course, but anxieties about the project were gnawing persistently at the back of his mind. He worried about how good her grades were and how good their grade would be if they collaborated. He knew in rationality that it wouldn't really impact his grade, a single group project was not going to murder him, but he hated even a single moment of doubt or failure. In the end he opted to not pick up a book at all, instead sitting with his hands clasped around the steaming cup of coffee and a serious expression on his face. What to do, what to do? I can't think, let alone study. How the hell was he going to pass the better half of an hour like this?