-- I CAME THIS FAR, ERASE MY SCARS [Josh]

In one swift movement, Lark had encompassed herself in Joshua’s arms. He had hugged her back and in that instant the world felt right again. It was as though her older brother had walked through that door and said that he was there to take her home. Home did not exist anymore. A lot of things did not exist anymore. His voice had sounded so level and calm upon greeting her, as though he had no idea what was going on. Did he, but he decided not to say anything? That did not seem right. Lark did not let go of him; instead, she just stood there and tried to calm herself. There could be no crying today. Not today. She pulled back just enough to look up at Josh, swallowing hard. That was a loaded question. “I’m always alright,” The girl responded with her typical reply. She hated admitting to her weaknesses. You’ve hidden away from him long enough. Stop with the bullshit. A sigh passed her lips before she glanced down. “…no, I’m…I’m not alright. P-physically I am but…” It was hard to look up at him, to lock her gaze with his own. This was admitting defeat. Admitting weakness. Josh had never used it against her before, but when she was so used to locking all of this away it made admittance difficult to swallow. A frown tugged at her lips before looking up. “So you don’t know.” How strange it was that Ashton found out before Josh; the guilt hit her again. I should have told him. He should have been the first to know. That would have meant burdening him. That would be wrong.

Her dark eyes drifted towards Frank. “There was a fire.” This was pretty much how the conversation went with Ashton too, only the words seemed to come easier to her then than it did now. She did not like to burden Josh after all that he had helped her deal with. She tried to her best to keep this away from him. Fate was not so kind. “H-he…we got in an argument. And he became really angry…” Lark tried to sort her thoughts and sentences into something coherent. “Instead of trying to do what he normally d-does he uhm…” She closed her eyes to try and remain level. “He tried to attack me with fire.” Her voice dropped a few octaves, as though someone were watching or listening in on their conversation. Elementals were not meant to reveal their powers to human beings, and although they were able to pretend it was an accidental fire Lark feared someone figuring it out. What would happen if someone did? She could not even think about it. “It grew out of control. I-I had no way to stop it. Not while I was trying to w-ward him off…” There was no way Lark could have managed controlling a fire and fighting off her drunk father at the same time. Not with her skill level. Joshua might have been able to manage but being as she was just going into twelfth grade she did not have that level of control. At least, not while distracted by Frank. What would have happened if Frank had stopped attacking me? She wondered if saving the house would have been possible if he had passed out sooner or relented his attacks.

“So we lost the house. Lost pretty much everything.” All of their clothes, the good memories…her guitars. Her lower lip trembled at the thought. “I lost my guitar, Josh. I lost both of them. Lost my surfboard, all my pictures, all my mem—“ By now, Lark was wiping her face and pressing it against his shirt again. It felt good to hug someone, to display physical affection towards another person. She had spent so many years avoiding it all, not realizing what sort of comfort it could bring. Everything was spilling over now. It was difficult to even make a coherent sentence. “I-I’m s-so sorr-sorry…I sh-should have told y-you. So s-sorry!” She looked up at him again, tears streaming down her face. “I j-just didn’t want to b-burden you anym-more.” Her heart was aching, throbbing with all of the pain she had to bear over the past year, and how much she had locked away from the people who might have been the best support. After all these years Lark still feared people walking away from her at the smallest hint of trouble; Josh was still here. He had always been here. He was a constant in her life, and she knew that to be true. Yet Lark constantly tried to shield him from the struggles with Frank, with her parents in general, and now she realized that all she did was hurt herself and probably hurt others in the process. Lark liked to be trusted, to help people when they were struggling (especially her closest friends), and felt hurt when people kept things away from her. Others might have felt the same way when she tried to hide her problems from them too. Did Josh feel that way? It would be justified. “And n-now there might be something else w-wrong with Frank too.” Could things get any worse? I thought that once you hit rock bottom things could only go up…

“I know you are.” Lark said softly, merely enjoying the closeness of another person. She held him tight, as though he were about to vanish into thin air and never return. She knew Josh had always been there. From the very beginning, the boy had always watched over her. They first met on the playground in the Hollow, defending her from the bullies. He was still defending her. Lark sighed and lowered her gaze, forehead against his chest as she tried to sort through all of her emotions properly. Of course he did not know, she thought. She had tried to keep it away from everyone she knew. Had Ashton not been watching the news even he might have remained in the dark too. Still, Josh should have been informed. If not for anything but to prove she trusted him. “I’m sure there was something, but I know I did my best at the time and that’s all that matters.” After the ordeal ended, Lark spent the first night pondering through every scene in her mind like a horrible movie. What could have been done to prevent this? Could something have been said? Not said? Even though she was the only one capable of stopping anything, Lark knew it was out of her control. Frank caused the problem, not her. She knew that. However, it was human instinct to try and deal with any possibility that you could have done more to alter the outcome. “I suppose.” She did not feel very safe; at least, she didn’t before Joshua walked through that door. Ashton made her feel safe and secure too, but it was different. Lark felt as though she walked outside of her own body and was watching the scene play out before her in third person. Like a ghost, or a fly on the wall.

There was always the possibility of being found out after such a sporadic fire occurred, but fortunately Lark had had enough time to sort out a solid excuse. Would it be enough to stave off any suspicions? Hopefully. She knew Joshua had connections with his mother and of course Donovan owned the hospital they currently stood in. “I’ll let you know.” It was difficult to come up with extended replies now; her body was so weary and worn down from the past day’s events that it was becoming a struggle to merely stand up on her own. At least I don’t have to sleep in a hospital chair. Ashton saved her from that. There would not be enough thanks in the world for his offer. “Yeah, I managed to pass it off well enough I think,” Lark replied, grip tightening ever so slightly at the prospect of her lie not working out according to plan. “I had actually been making food on the stove when he lashed out s-so…I told them that I fucked up dinner and it went out of control.” Fortunately the burns and cuts were rather conducive to that of a fire and rescue attempt, so there were no questions on that front. At least not yet. Had there been, Lark might have struggled a mite bit more than she had. “To think I had to take the fall for him…just to protect what we have.” Her gaze transfixed itself on Frank; there was another burst of that hatred and bitterness she felt before. No matter how much she could not stand the things he had done, he was still her father and she could not abandon him. Her loyalty was borderline idiocy, really. Josh tightened his hug instead of speaking up; Lark knew what it meant. A soft sigh of relief passed her lips. “Thank you.” She whispered. Thank you, thank you, thank you. No words had to be said between them for Lark to understand.

Amid all of the chaos, Lark had spent more time apologizing in the past week or so than she had in her entire life. Sorry for invading Ashton’s home, sorry for hiding away her life at home, sorry for lying and covering up the truth, sorry for everything. She hated it. But it felt necessary at the same time. “I feel like I sh-should,” Lark started, shaking her head a little. “I’ve t-tried to keep everything away from ev-everyone to the point to where I f-felt maybe I wasn’t even worth trusting. And yet h-here you are.” Her voice drifted off into a ghostly whisper, as though someone else were speaking for her. Independence had its downfalls. She was so quick to try and hold herself up, to prevent others from trying to help, that she wound up pushing people away instead of drawing them near. I’m lucky I have the friends I do. Lark shook her head again and glanced up at Josh; her eyes looked so tired and hollow. “No, I don’t know yet. I wish I did but I’m not sure how long it takes to get test results.” If only news could travel as fast as they did in TV shows, where it would skip time and magically they have the results within fifteen minutes as opposed to days or weeks. “I know he has gastrointestinal b-bleeding, but that’s all I know. The doctor wants to speak with me this afternoon.” In that instant she wished Ashton were there with them. It was a random desire but it was there none the less. His bright smile always cheered her up even when she thought cheering up was not possible. Lark emitted a bit of a dull laugh. “I’ll be f-fine, Ioku. I’m staying with Ashton over winter break, and they are taking good care of me.” She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and avoided Josh’s gaze like she did when discussing the Earth elemental. “And I’m still working so…I have enough to get by. If I need anything, though, I’ll let you know.” She tacked on the last bit to make sure Joshua knew his offer was not being turned down, because it was greatly appreciated.

Probably. That was the operative word in that sentence. Although most of her was confident that she did what she could to try and stop the fire and rescue her father there was that nagging in the back of her mind that wondered if something else could have been done. Hell, she could not even remember what was said to set Frank off in the first place. A lot of that night before the fire itself was a blur, as well as some things during and after. Amazing what the mind retained and forgot during a traumatic experience. The words were still somewhat of a comfort though, and Lark absorbed them like a sponge. "I suppose so." Was about all she could say on the matter. It was difficult to say much else. She was surprised she was even able to hold a normal conversation with Josh at this point. That was best friends and deep trust for you. "I'll take the heat if it means I get to stay safe. If we all get to stay safe," She replied. Frank should have taken the brunt of the blame, should have been reprimanded (charged, even) for everything he had done in the past months. The fire was just icing on the cake. Lark was not about to go to the police and complain about the abuse, though, because that would mean discussing her life issues with complete strangers. And someone was bound to try and send her to therapy and that was not happening either. She was not broken and did not need fixing, so far as she thought.

"I know you are. And..." She chuckled. "A lot of other people would have vanished." It was some weird, roundabout way of saying thank you she supposed. Josh and Ashton were the only two who knew of her life and home and yet there they were. Sturdy and rock solid as ever. It shocked her. Nell did not know of anything that went on with Frank so Lark did not have any assumptions to make there. She hoped Nell would stick around. The tears did not cease just yet, and fresh ones formed at Joshua's comments. "And you're my best friend too, Josh. I trust you with my life. I just wish I could do things for you like you've done for me. I kinda feel like...it won't be good enough." Josh had been there for so much, done so many things to care for her that it almost felt like anything she did was small and insignificant. Money was a bit of an issue on her end so buying him things was difficult, and the girl was somewhat piss poor at being verbally supportive of others. It took until recently to even hug the man. Lark was not even sure how to return her gratitude without writing out a long ass note with the words 'thank you' written over and over again. Possibly overkill, but she did not care. Lark nodded. "I might take you up on that at some point." Josh had already done quite a bit, so if she could avoid bothering him too much she would. It might not agitate Josh, but Lark did not do well dropping things on her friends all of the time.

Eventually the doctor would walk through that door and share the news that Lark so dreaded to hear. What was he going to say? Would it be some sort of deadly disease? Or was the bleeding worse than they thought? So many possibilities ran through her head. Lark was not even aware of what Joshua assumed might be possible. Numbly she nodded and stared at the floor. "Yeah, that would be nice. I really don't know what they are going to say. No matter what Frank has done--" That sounded wrong. He deserved all of this, right? The pain and suffering. And yet there she was not wishing any sort of illness on him. Was it loyalty or just evidence that family bonds truly did run deep? Or perhaps the smoke inhalation really did get to her head. "Yeah, he is. It's better than sleeping in the hospital chair and dealing with extremely cheerful nurses." Seriously, how were they so fucking happy all of the time? People were sick and dying and yet they wore a smile on their face as though the world was made of rainbows and butterflies. After a few minutes, Lark pulled away from her best friend and slumped back into the chair she was sitting in not too long ago. "Feel free to pull up a chair," The girl offered quietly, gesturing with a limp hand to a seat not too far from her. "Unless you need to go and do something else while we wait for the doctor. I don't want to hold you up." Her voice was distant and hazy, as though she were not really talking to any one person in particular. She had been doing that a lot recently. Hopefully this would be temporary.

No two people were the same. They were like fingerprints; personalities, appearances, attitudes, life stories, they were always different and forever changing. Strange that people grouped others together to create assumptions, prejudice, and universal statements to help them better understand the chaos that was the world. It was the only way to get a grasp on things, it seemed. To feel some semblance of control. Lark attempted to refrain from placing any of her friends in a box, but it was natural human instinct to do so to a certain extent. She felt bad for even making the statement she did because that implied she did not see how different Josh was from the others surrounding her. That was far from the truth. “No you aren’t. And never have been.” Joshua had never been a part of the norm. Different. She enjoyed his presence because of that, and the fact that Lark finally found someone who was more similar to her than a lot of people. It took a few years to grasp that reality. “If…you’re sure.” She looked uncertain, eyes darting towards the floor for a brief moment. “I’ll always be around. You’ll never have to worry about that.” Lark was loyal almost to a fault. Once you became her friend, you were stuck with her. Shit happens and a few people had been lost along the way (backstabbing, switching sides, etc.) but that only meant the ones who still remained were held ever closer. She was not willing to simply let go of people for the sake of doing so. “Whatever you say, Josh.”

Her words did not sound harsh or upset, but there was a hollowness to them that claimed her disbelief in Joshua’s statement. Was she really good enough? Everyone had their own sets of standards so it was difficult to pinpoint which set was the correct one. They were all correct, but Lark simply felt like a horrible friend. She was nitpicking. Her eyes narrowed and a dark shadow crossed her features. “Yeah. He is. And its times like these that I wish he wasn’t.” If Frank had not been her father figure, the man who raised her, things might have ended differently altogether. She often wondered how that would play out but each time she halted the visions to save herself the heartache. When reality crashed down again the images only made it harder to bear. Lark nodded. “Thank you. Hopefully he’ll be here soon.” Joshua was a sturdy, solid stream of support, someone she could rely on. No matter how much it pained her to request his presence when he could certainly be making better use of his time; she relished it all the same. Having someone outside of the situation calmed her. He was neutral (well, as neutral as a best friend could be). A third party. Now she somewhat understood why people went to see a therapist when they struggled with emotions or dealings of the past; there was that comforting notion that they had no emotional ties to whatever it was you were going through. The difference here, though, was that Josh was her best friend. That had to be better than a therapist. Right?

Sitting in the chair staring at Frank while he slept, Lark felt her gaze harden and lips tighten at Joshua’s words. Can’t be easy for them? How did that even make any sense? It was possible they might be having struggles at home or at work, but Lark was not dwelling on the finer details. She was simply bitter and tired and frustrated and, though she knew it was wrong, did not like that they were so incredibly happy while she felt like shit. This would not be wished upon her friends of course. The nurses just so happened to be the unfortunate scapegoats for Lark’s irritation. “I would just prefer for this to vanish. I want it to go away. To wake up and have this be some…fucked up nightmare.” At least nightmares dissipated upon waking up. They might recall themselves on occasion but they were not permanent or had lasting damage. Lark looked over at Josh as he sat down and heaved a weary sigh. “If you’re sure. Having someone to talk to that isn’t Frank is refreshing. Did you know that he actually asked me how I was doing earlier? Sounded genuine.” She almost could not believe what she had heard, as though she were outside of her own body watching it unfold. The anger and bitterness was still present but there was a tiny flicker of hope that maybe Frank did care somewhere below all of the bullshit. A faint smile graced her lips at the prospect of spending the holidays with other people. “Oh, um…well, I guess it depends on if I’m needed here. But I’ll try my best to stop in if I can.” A knock on the door diverted the girl’s attention from her friend. “Come in.”

The heavy door swung open to reveal an older man who wore his age with pride, wrinkles rather becoming for his pointed face and a set of thin spectacles resting on the bridge of his nose. A clipboard was held firmly in his hand. “Lark Harper, I presume. I’m Doctor Feldman.” Lark nodded. His beady eyes shifted their glance towards the tall Fire elemental and offered him a blink of acknowledgement. “Mr. Dale? What are you doing in here?” The girl grunted as she stood up, looking weary. “He’s my best friend. I asked if he could stay with me while we talked.” A glimmer of satisfaction could be seen in the man’s eyes; she was prepared for their discussion about Frank’s condition and he was pleased. Adjusting the spectacles on his face, Doctor Feldman toddled across the room to the other side of the hospital bed. Lark stood directly across from him. She looked tense and more unprepared than the doctor probably assumed. “So what is the damage?” It sounded so heartless and calloused but it was merely Lark’s nature. Doctor Feldman sighed. “Well, the internal bleeding has worsened. We decided to go in and check for further disruption to the area and we found a few areas inside of his colon that we felt should be sent in for testing.” The older gentleman now looked over at Josh, as though exchanging some sort of knowing glance before finding Lark’s eyes again. “There is a chance he has cancer. We won’t know for several more days, but as soon as we receive the results, you’ll be the first to know.” That was a slap in the face. She slumped in the chair and stared blankly at the bed Frank lay in, unsure of how to respond. Cancer…

Lark saw him smile, but as quickly as it appeared it vanished. She flinched. She never wished to doubt her best friend or make him feel like he was not trust-worthy. It was simply Lark at her lowest of lows. Ditch low. Unbuckled and thrown out of a car onto the side of the road with nothing more than clothes on her back. She felt so exposed and vulnerable. "I am not intending to. I'm sorry." Her gaze fell sharply to the floor, a stinging feeling in her gut. If she had been in Joshua's place she would have felt the same way. Her eyes widened considerably but continued to hold a staring contest with the white floor at her feet. It looked so pristine. "N-no. I don't think you'd do that, Josh. I just--" Just what? There really was no excuse for making her best friend feel as though his words were not good enough. They were. They would always be good enough. Sometimes it was hard to believe others when you did not believe in yourself. She sucked in her upper lip and chewed on it for a moment. "I just don't feel all that great about myself right now. That doesn't mean you are lying, though." She hoped he would believe her and would not be offended. Lark did not want to make her friends feel like they were just blowing hot air for the sake of doing so. She did manage a smile and huff of laughter (more like a sharp exhale through her nose) before glancing at Joshua again. "Like I said, I'll always be here. No matter what shit you might go through you won't have to worry about me vanishing." It was not in her nature to walk away from people, and had no intentions of doing that to one of the few people she could trust with her life. He was as close to family as she would ever get.

"Yeah I know you will be." Her smile was faint but the look in her eyes told him that she was merely playing around. It was difficult to do considering her current situation but she wanted to try. Maybe it would help. "I guess with me feeling kinda shitty I'm envious that they can actually be so happy. Or at least pretend to be happy." Lark was decent enough at covering up emotions if there was a need to do so, but with how quickly everything piled on top of her it was difficult to keep a smile on her face and pretend everything was alright. That required far too much effort on her part. It was not difficult to catch the anger in Joshua's voice and instantly Lark turned her attention to Frank. He was still sleeping, unaware that they were even present. That Josh was here. If Frank knew, what would happen? She did not even want to think about it. She finished his sentence with, "That's better than nothing. I'll have to take what I can get. With any luck I can convince them to place him in rehab and get his shit sorted out." Even if Lark never spoke to him again or broke ties, she wanted to see Frank find his feet again and learn how to cope with his problems without downing a bottle of alcohol. Just as she has had to learn different methods of dealing with her anger, Frank would need to learn how to be constructive instead of destructive when he was under stress or down. I miss my guitars. I miss them so much. It had been one of the ways she managed to clear her mind and now it was gone. The sentimental value was priceless, too. The acoustic had been her first, and the electric a gift from Josh. Even if she bought the same exact guitars it would not be the same.

The news the doctor brought into the room was the icing on the shit cake. It was like swallowing lead, or needles. Something uncomfortable and heavy but sharp at the same time. Her mouth went dry and her gaze drifted past Doctor Feldman and towards the window on the other side of the room. The noises around her--the heart monitor, the voices, her own pulse--was dull and drowned out. They were muffled and felt so far away. Lark had fallen back into the chair to keep from falling forward. Her knees had buckled underneath her. "And is this cancer deadly? What can be done to take care of it?" Lark's voice was hollow and lifeless. So focused on the bed sitting in front of her she jumped a little at Joshua's touch to her shoulder, but did not turn to look at him. The bed had her full attention. She reached up and placed her hand on his to acknowledge his gesture of comfort. I'm glad you're here. Was what it said. A silent thank you. The doctor had taken to checking the monitors around Frank while he answered. "Colon cancer can be deadly depending on how long it has been present, and that length of time will determine what route we would have to take for removal. The earlier the stage, the better." Not that having cancer was 'better', but Lark understood what Doctor Feldman meant. She dropped her chin to her chest and shook her head. "I need to be with another patient now. If you have any other questions you can contact one of the nurses, or Mr. Dale." He nodded to each of them and left the room. Silence, aside from the monitor beeping nearby. "Josh..." Lark sounded broken. "Do you know anything about colon cancer?"