-- INNER BATTLES [Josh]

As it so happened, Joshua was already in the library when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He had turned the ring tone off so as not to disturb the others studying at the same table but he did pull the offending object from his pocket to check who had messaged him. Lark, he thought, surprised. What could she want? He was, admittedly, a little miffed at how she seemed to be avoiding him. She'd made a bit of a fuss the last time they hadn't spoken in a while and this time the loss of contact seemed to be her fault entirely. Josh had actually wanted to get into contact for a couple of weeks, owing to the fact that he was now engaged and still in the process of tracking down and informing the people that mattered. He'd told Ace, Devin, and several other people that he spoke to on a semi-regular basis but he had not yet gotten a hold of Lark. The irritation faltered ever so slightly when he read the text message. Shitty. How so? He briefly considered ignoring the message out of spite, but Josh was no Thunder and he'd never been very good at ignoring the call of a friend when they seemed to be in dire straits. He had no idea what had been going on with his friend lately and if something was wrong, he couldn't resist the urge to find out about it. I hope she's alright. He glanced around at the others seated around him as if paranoid they knew who had phone. There was a Thunder at the end of the table who kept looking up and frowning at him—this made him wary, but logic denoted that they could not read his mind and thus would not know he was breaking the unspoken laws of the alliances.

His subtle shifting had not disturbed the peace of the study group but this could not last for long. The Wind seated across from him blinked when he stood and gathered his books, giving him a questioning look. "Headache," he said quietly in explanation. She nodded and went back to her own work. In truth, Joshua didn't have a headache at all. If he had, his normal remedy would be to toss back a couple of the Advil that he always kept in his back for classroom emergencies. College lectures could be long and torturous when your skull felt like it was splitting so it was best to come prepared. He'd actually started making a habit of it in high school when it came time for exams, always paranoid that he'd develop a migraine that would throw him off his game. Josh made for the stairs down to the main floor of the library as if he really was leaving, but instead he slipped between two aisles and started to wander through the shelves. He stopped every now and then, picking up a book and reading the back cover as if he was browsing for something other than a friendly face in the area. It might have seemed ridiculous to anyone else if they caught on to what he was doing but he'd already risked enough when it came to his alignment. The Earths and Waters were all he had—he'd already betrayed his own, he'd have nowhere to run if the other side wouldn't have him, either. There was Wind, of course, but they didn't make a point of harbouring traitors. They were neutral. His attempts at subtlety made progress in locating Lark slower than it could have been but as he'd already been in the library upon getting the text, it was still only minutes before he spotted her.

Instead of plopping his bag beside a chair and sitting next to her, Joshua kept a safe distance and ensured there was no one nearby before 'browsing' a shelf close to the table. Not looking at her, but rather at the brightly coloured spines of the section he perused, Josh said, "A little risky, isn't this?" His tone was not hostile but it was certainly a little guarded. He wouldn't totally relax until he both found out why she'd been ignoring him for weeks and why she had chosen a place as obvious as the library to meet up. "Don't you remember what happened the last time? Why here?" He had not liked to see the Fire elementals turn on Lark. It had angered him to realise that his existence, his friendship with her had put his friend in danger. He knew that she didn't care as much about it as he seemed to but that didn't change much about his own opinion. It wasn't just Lark's reputation he cared about—he couldn't risk being seen with her any more than she could him. "Maybe we should leave." He glanced briefly and meaningfully at her before turning his attention to the shelves again. He had included them both in the suggestion to make it clear that he would still meet her, he just wasn't sure this was the safest place.

At first the narrowing of her eyes offended Joshua slightly, the Fire elemental wondering why she had the right to be irate with him when it was she who had been ignoring him. After a moment, the muffled sound of footsteps and a huff of boredom from the passing intruder, to whom Josh's back was turned, alerted him to what was really going on. In response, he glared back and made a noise of contempt in his throat. "What are you starting at, Harper? Mind your own business." Josh twitched his lips briefly in amusement, though he carefully forced his features back into neutrality to avoid suspicions. It was almost funny to think that they were standing here and pretending to loathe one another when they were instead defying the rules of the alliance by faking it. He dipped his head softly and subtly when she suggested getting out of the library, not bothering to reassure her about her reckless decisions. It would look suspicious if they spoke to one another too much. He kept his features arranged in a mask of cold distaste—even though the students at the other table couldn't hear their words, he worried that too much talking would gain their attention. A brief exchanged followed with Josh walking away could suggest argument, however, and so he said, "Act like I've insulted you. I'll go out to my car and wait for you; don't leave for a few minutes, just to be safe." It would look far too suspicious if they'd both left within seconds of one another. Some might assume that they were arranging to fight but he wasn't going to take the risk that no one would catch on or worse, follow.

He could feel the stares of a few other library patrons as he shook his head and started off at a brisk walk, as if something Lark had said caused him deep irritation and drove him toward the exit. He released a pent up breath once he was in the hall, feeling safer when he and Lark were not within close range to be ogled and gossiped about by others. He hated how strict the alliances were, hated how difficult it was to so much as breathe around someone that wasn't known to be on your same side. The Earths and Waters were kind to him but their tunes would change if they knew he still had connections on the other side. He passed one of them in the hall and offered a smile, his stomach fluttering as he realised how clueless other people were. And thank god for that. He remembered the brief scares with Lark and her alliance, not wanting a repeat experience. He realised that he'd forgotten to take the books out or return them to the shelves in the hurry he was in. Shit. He paused in the hall and briefly debated returning, then decided he would just put them back the next time he went in. He was sure the librarian wouldn't be too upset, seeing as the next time he entered the library would likely be in the same day and he could explain where they'd went if she was curious. He didn't plan to steal them, after all. At last, Josh reached his car and settled in the driver's side as he waited for Lark to appear. "Don't worry, parking lot's clear," he assured her. "We won't go far, we'll be back before they can miss us." It wasn't wise to leave the grounds during school hours but it also wasn't wise to meet up there.

He stuck to his word when he said they wouldn't go too far, driving for only five minutes before pulling his car to the side of the road and hopping out. They were halfway between Maple Hollow and the Academy, at a seemingly endless expanse of woods. It was perhaps a bit of an over precaution, but he was sure no one would think to look there. His car had an alarm on it and so he was confident that he'd know if anyone tried to do anything while they were away. He didn't plan to go deep into the forested area—it didn't have trails and he didn't want to get lost. He stopped a little ways in and leaned against the tree. "Sometimes I envy Nell," he remarked, looking up at the leafy canopy and then down at the ground, verdant with underbrush. "She could make a nice place to sit and everything." It was said lightly, though, for he really wouldn't give up his fiery abilities for the world. Glancing at Lark now, meeting her eyes with his steely gray ones, he got to the point. "What have you been doing? It's been a while." He tried not to sound too offended but there was the slightest hint of it in his tone. At least the last time it had been mutual. "I've been wanting to talk to you. You said things were... shitty, didn't you?" The irritation dissolved to slight concern as he recalled the tone of the text message. "Is everything alright?"

Joshua did not join her in sitting, instead choosing to remain leaning against the tree with its stable trunk supporting his waist. The forest smelled of late spring or early summer and he could hear the wind rustling the trees. It reminded him of days spent wandering the forest behind the mansion and made him miss having such a scenic backyard. Apartments didn't have backyards. Whenever he felt himself missing some shred of his old life, though, Josh thought of Nell and how happy she made him. That counteracted it. He brushed aside thoughts of his fiancée and focused on Lark for now, not wanting to seem distracted and inattentive. This was his friend, he wasn't going to drag them all the way out into the woods only to ignore the conversation they'd came here for. "It wouldn't have bothered me," he frowned, not liking what that insinuated. Since when did the struggles of a friend become bothersome to Josh? Since never. He was always there for a friend in need if he could be. His good qualities might not have been abundant but his loyalty was the strongest and most redeeming. He loved his friends and he kept them close. He supported them if he could. Does she not trust me? Unease and an almost defensive feeling rippled through him. Trust was one of the most important things you could give to Joshua and one of the most detrimental things to take away. He remembered when Nell had doubted him, accused him of cheating. The circumstances were different here but the basics were the same—he still felt like he had been treated as untrustworthy.

She's talking to you now. This was true. Whatever the reasons that Lark had severed contact, she had decided for others to rekindle their bond as friends. He supposed that he could appreciate that, seeing as they had known each other for years and it would be unfortunate to cut ties completely. He tilted his head slightly—not comically, but thoughtfully—as she spoke, blinking as he took in her words. It was strange to hear Lark admit that she was uncertain about herself and what she was doing in her life. His previous disdain at being mistrusted started to ebb slowly as he recognised this in itself was a sign of trust. They were Fires, they were proud. They didn't normally open up in any way whatsoever. "You aren't referring to us, are you?" It was a quietly spoken and honest question. When your allies felt as if they were no longer? He didn't immediately make the connection to the Academy and its alliances because everyone knew what he had done about that. His choice might have been the wrong one—if there was a wrong choice in the matter—but to Josh it felt right and he hadn't regretted it. There were moments where he wondered on what could have been, but they were fleeting. "I would stop treating them like allies," said Joshua slowly, unsure of what else he could say. He was a very blunt and direct person, not the type that could pretend he was something that he wasn't. It was why he'd chosen to betray his element rather than keep his friendship and then relationship with Nell a secret. He'd kept contact with Devin and Ace a secret, but Nell had been different. Her existence had changed things in the alliance for him.

"Ashton?" Josh couldn't keep the surprise from his voice. "The Earth leader?" He knew the guy himself, though not well. He'd messed with him when the poor guy had been a freshman and Joshua himself had been into the alliances and then it had been Ashton who'd gave the word to let him take cover in the Earth dormitories during the first war when Fire locked him out. He respected the boy but had never spoken to him on a personal level. It sounded like Lark had. "When'd you talk to him? And... why?" He was not judging her for any contact with the Earth elemental—hell, he was the last person who should be allowed a say in such matters. He didn't understand why she would take such a risk, though, or why the Earth elemental would. Unless she means a different Ashton? He doubted it, though. Based on what she'd said, Lark was definitely referring to someone in the Earth or Water element. He supposed he could loosely consider Wind but didn't bother. They weren't usually considered a refreshing change and talking to one wasn't a big deal. "What you want has changed," he repeated, mulling that over. "Lark, are you... do you mean the alliances? Are you doubting them?"

He felt a flutter of panic in his chest, considering what that might mean. Betraying one's alliance wasn't always as simple as waving a white flag and dancing over to the other side. Joshua had been propelled by his affections (even if they were only friendly at the time) toward Nell and his protection of her in the war had granted him some respect in the enemy alliance. Then, when he'd stood with them the second time, his choice had been made permanent. Remembering Asha, Josh coughed uncomfortably. "You aren't, uh, involved with Ashton or anything... are you?" Rubbing the back of his neck, worried in case she was and his prying would be considered offensive, he said, "Had to be sure." The Earth elemental had already crossed that dangerous boundary once but Josh had thought it was over when Asha disappeared. He still didn't know where she'd went, or why. He'd spoken to her only briefly after her disappearance and there was never any word from there. God damn. The Earth leader? I sure as hell hope there isn't anything going on with them. Nell had been a dangerous choice but at least neither of them had been in politics, even if Josh was a former leader. That counted, just not as seriously. "What are you planning to do? Do you even have a plan?"

Noting how surprised she seemed by the mere suggestion, Josh decided that he believed her. So if it wasn't their friendship that she was having doubts about, what could it be? They didn't have a whole lot of mutual friends and so he didn't know much about the people she hung around. The same could be said in reverse, as Josh had never made much of a point to introduce her to his other contacts. Not even Nell, who was the pride and joy of his life, his fiancée now. It was strange to think that he'd never introduced them formally. If they'd ever met, it was news to him. He nodded mutely and crossed his arms over his chest, more to have something to do with them than an expression of anger or stubbornness. He toyed with the idea of sitting down but decided against it, not wanting to get bits of forest debris stuck to his jeans. The bark of the tree he leaned against was bad enough. He frowned in thought but remained quiet as she confirmed that Ashton was the Earth leader who'd come to mind. It wasn't until she explained where she'd met him that Josh looked a little surprised, yet again. "You went to that? I didn't peg you as the type." It wasn't an insult, merely an observation. He had never seen Lark as undateable or overly masculine before but he assumed from her attitude that she didn't like anything to do with blind dating and other cheesy romance stuff. Maybe he was wrong. He was alright with his assumptions being proved wrong, especially when they were based on such little fact. "Geez, the Academy knows how to pick them." A dangerous match, that was. The Earth leader with a Fire elemental.

Nell. Yes, he liked her personality as well of those that she shared an element with. Devin and Autumn, too. He had quite a few friends in the Earth element now and he was appreciative of how kind-spirited they tended to be. However, he had never desired to switch his alliance before Nell had come along. Heck, he'd hid a couple of friendships and led his element against the Earths in his twelfth grade year. If Lark's motivations were not romantic then why was she so certain? These thoughts and more crossed his mind over the space of a few seconds, during which time he was contemplatively silent. "It's not that simple, you know," he said at last, deciding to be straight with her. "They might not be hostile but I doubt immediate acceptance would be in order. They need to trust you." Not that she was untrustworthy in his eyes—hell, he'd trust Lark with his life. He was thinking of his current alliance and the way they'd warmed up to him rather slowly. He'd been forced to make a choice twice over. They accepted him now, treated him almost like one of their own, but there had been a lot of patience involved. "Is that really what you'd want?" Knowing that no element trusted you was an uncomfortable feeling. He didn't put much stock into the opinions of others but the glares—some of hatred, from the Fires and Thunders, and the rest of mistrust from the others—had not been pleasant to endure. He did not regret it, for now he had Nell. But it hadn't been simple.

Sam. Brett. The irony of the situation in Joshua's eyes was that these two Thunder elementals were not people with whom he got along. Samson had hurt Harley and earned his distrust and Brett had insulted Nell. No one insulted Nell around him without paying the consequences. At the same time, Lark was his friend, and he wasn't about to go off about how much he disliked her choice of companions. It was Josh that harboured ill feelings, not her. "They're definitely a friendly sort, once you get to know them," he admitted. "It gets weird, sometimes, though. There are times when I realise I'm the odd one out." He wasn't going to bother lying to her. For someone who'd lived with the companionship of the Fire element, their loyalty and the often silent and deadly support of the Thunders, it was strange to suddenly lose that comfort. The Earths were his new family. They were nice, but he couldn't sit in the roasting hot common room and discuss his elemental tactics with an Earth elemental. Nor a Water. "There are compromises. The grass was greener for me, yes, but I have Nell for that. How many friends do you have on the other side?" He blinked slowly at her. Did she have any Earths and Waters she'd befriended, or was he, the traitor Fire, the only friend she'd have if she defected? "I guess you have to put some thought into it. Are you willing to lose a few good friends for the sake of a broader circle in the future?" He hesitated, then added, "I'll stay your friend no matter what, by the way. The alliances don't matter with us." He had to admit that it would be nice to hang around her in the public eye again, but he didn't want to be selfish and point this out.

Joshua nodded sympathetically, understanding all too well how that felt. The alliances really made it difficult to befriend people at times. You could find a person you really clicked well with and then the moment you found out that they were supposed to be the 'enemy', you had to sever all contact or else lose the support and faith of your allies. "He's a good guy," Josh said, having no other opinion on the Earth leader. They didn't know each other well but Ashton was friendly and he was in Nell's good books so Josh figured that he couldn't be all that bad. Most Earths weren't. If Joshua had been aware of the falling out between Nell and Ashton as well as what the boy had said to his fiancée about the trial he would have been a lot less pleasant but for now he was ignorant of that. "Did he say that?" Joshua wondered, giving her a questioning look and a light frown. He's one to talk, isn't he? He could remember with clarity the time he'd spent talking with Asha in Northern Lights. Asha had talked about Ashton fairly freely, probably trusting Josh to be a friend and not sell her out (which he hadn't). Then again, that was a while ago. Maybe something had happened between them that he didn't know about. Heck, maybe the Earth elemental was the reason his old friend had left the Hollow. He still wondered about her sometimes and had tried the number but had recieved no answer thus far.

Having been unaware of how the alliance was currently treating Lark, Joshua's gray eyes narrowed slightly in distaste. "I thought they'd let it go?" He knew that it had been risky and stupid to hang around Lark but they had taken the necessary precautions. They had been all the way in the Hollow, not the school itself. Real life was supposed to be left out of politics—people had siblings and childhood friends that could not be ripped away from them by the simple introduction of elemental high school. He'd never gotten in trouble with Devin, Andrew or Ace because, before Joshua betrayed his alliance for good, he made sure to completely ignore them during school hours and never discussed elements and loyalties if he could avoid it. He'd been a tough-skinned and respected Fire. Why did things have to go so wrong? He tried not to dwell on the past, knowing that it was unfair to feel a bitterness. He'd done it for Nell and usually succeeded in convincing himself that she was enough. He sighed and shook his head. "It was so much easier before the war went and fucked things up." He had possessed an easy and unhindered relationship with Lark during his high school years and part of the way through college. They were Fires, elemental kin—their friendship had been encouraged in the past. "If you're not accepted, though, it really doesn't seem there's much of a reason to stay."

He wasn't sure what to tell her. On one hand, she might end up happier if she severed ties with their old allies and stepped over to join the other side. On the other, it could go very wrong. And Joshua knew from experience that there was no taking it back once you'd made a public statement of your betrayal. Mention of her father distracted him from his thoughts, however, and his gaze sharpened. "Are things okay at home?" He voiced the question cautiously, not wanting her to think he was prying too much. He hated it when his friends were suffering, especially when it was due to something out of his control. He couldn't do anything to cure alcoholism and he couldn't make their fellow Fires behave in a more accepting manner. "I'm a busy guy, Lark, but if you ever want to talk I'd be willing. You should know that by now." His tone was not scolding but friendly, softer than usual. Of course, if he had to choose between Lark and Nell (were both of them going through something) his fiancée would need to be his first priority. It was just the way of things in his life. Nell had done more for him than he could explain to any of his friends and while he valued them deeply, they had other friends. Nell only had one fiancé.

His quiet laughter, followed by the relaxing of his tense shoulder muscles, were a few of the things that indicated he was calming down after her joking around. It was getting slightly and slowly easier to push aside his anger in some cases. The idea of Lark's father drinking all the time and not really being there (properly) for his daughter made him bristle but he understood there was nothing in his power to be done about it. So he let it go. "She does," he agreed. "And I've got a lot of other... friends, now. Who'd have thought?" His lips twitched and there was an almost reminiscent glint in his eyes. He remembered being the loner with the few friends and was surprised himself at how much better he was getting with people. He credited this to Nell, his other friends in the new alliance, and the elements themselves. It was harder to be angry all the time when you spent all your time around the sweetest, most caring people in the Academy. Not to say it wasn't possible—all of his friends managed to set him off at some point or another—it was just a lot less common than it used to be. "They might not," he agreed, his tone grim. He wished he could reassure her but the only thing he knew about Samson and Brett was how much he disliked the pair of them. "Don't I wish," he said, shaking his head. "It's what we were used to." Fires didn't hide from each other. At least, they weren't supposed to. The war had changed everything.

Though he almost wanted to tell Lark why he was questioning all of this, Joshua kept his mouth shut. He might not have been friends with Ashton but even the secrets of an acquaintance deserved to be honoured. Ashton hadn't done anything to cause him trouble and so he wasn't about to let slip a secret that could cost him his position. Not that Joshua thought that Lark would tell anyone. Better safe than sorry, he thought to himself. "If it doesn't happen, Lark, it's because of the alliances," he said firmly. "Not because of you." Whether it was because they'd been friends for so long or because Joshua was certain that Lark was not as abrasive as she thought she was, he didn't think she was at fault for any lack of friendship found in the Earth leader. Earth kids were a friendly bunch. Sometimes they were a little too friendly, even. He thought of Nell and how forgiving she was, how genuine and compassionate. He wasn't a terrible person but he couldn't dream of being that selfless. Devin, too. Andrew. Ace. The latter wasn't an Earth but he was still on their side. "Nell and I weren't really friends before the war. Study partners, maybe, but not friends. That's why the alliance didn't really bug us until all hell broke loose." They had not spent an overwhelming amount of time together and when they had, it had mostly been to pore over books and discuss elemental tactics. Nothing interesting or particularly personal. It was ironic how they had come so far.

He nodded, expression solemn with understanding. He wished that he could tell his friend that the staring was all in her head and that he was sure they'd come to trust her again but he was not so sure of that himself. He remembered how they had treated him after the first war, the way they'd frowned at him when they thought he wasn't looking or talked behind his back. At fierce command from the leaders they had not started any physical fights within their ranks, therefore protecting the Fires' image of unity, but he was not stupid. He knew they hadn't trusted him. They'd started to accept him a little more as the weeks turned to months and so forth but it had been a sluggish process, one that had halted completely when he'd made his final decision. He sighed, raking his fingers through his dark hair. "Things would calm down eventually. Trust me, I've been there. I just had more going for me on the other side. If you want to stay, though... sacrifices would be necessary." He hoped she understood what he was saying. She wouldn't be able to hang around him quite as much in case they were caught and she certainly wouldn't be allowed any friendly conversations with the Earth elementals, let alone their leader. She'd need to find her friends among those that currently, according to Lark, felt more like enemies. "Not everyone betrays the alliances for love," he shrugged, then gave a dry chuckle at how lame that sounded. "But if you don't feel like you have a good enough reason, there's a good choice you don't. I wouldn't make any commitment until you're positive about what you want."

Though he was not exactly what you could call selfless—he did put himself before others at times—it still didn't make him very comfortable when Lark pushed aside her own worries and focused on his life. He respected her desire to stop talking about her issues but he wasn't sure he wanted to focus on himself, either. It felt like she was holding his own importance above her own. However, mention of Nell was enough to distract his unease and bring a brief smile to his lips. "She's great," he said, then went quiet for a moment as he thought of her. He was smiling, his expression momentarily distant. "I asked her to marry me," said Joshua at last, turning his attention back to Lark. Marriage was a big thing, the ultimate commitment for couples (except perhaps children). In a perfect world it meant being together until death came between the pair. The world was far from perfect and divorce was all too common but he loved Nell enough to give it a shot. "She said yes. We don't know when, but... we're engaged now, at least." He hadn't told her right off the bat because her other problems had seemed more important but Lark deserved to know what was going on in his life if she wanted to. At least that which he was willing to admit. He wouldn't tell his secrets if she requested them spilled but the details of his life that he didn't mind going public were definitely offered to friends.

He hesitated to give her his opinion on the question, not sure of what was right for Lark and what she truly wanted for herself. Not wanting to lead his friend astray, he thought hard on what he would say next. "Only you know that," he said, and his tone was apologetic. He knew it was a lame response to the question but he at least felt that it was a truthful one. He might have known what was right for himself but it was not his place to decide for other people. He could lend an ear and even an opinion or two but he could not make decisions. "If you truly feel like you'll never be happy with our kind, then yes. But if you're doubting yourself, I don't think it would hurt to sit on the decision a little longer." Much as the Fires didn't trust Lark at the moment, he doubted they knew what she was thinking of. If they'd known they had a potential traitor in their midst, they would make the decision for her—or at least force her to make one for herself. "Whatever you decide, though, I'd like it if you let me know." His lips twitched briefly in a smile that did not form.