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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Jul 29, 2012 13:13:41 GMT -5
It was just something Sandra did -- get bored and turn on the TV. Well... at least this time it wasn't any more Spanish soaps. Sandra was pretty sure she wouldn't even be able to handle that at all anymore. It was a Friday night! Well... okay, it was slowly coming into evening, but that still didn't make it any less sad and awkward and boring for her to be home alone. Fridays were supposed to be all... exciting and stuff, and Sandra had no plans. "So... bored," she whined out loud, rolling onto her back where she was spread out on the couch. There was nothing to do, nobody around. To be fair, it wasn't like she'd actually tried to make plans with anyone today specifically or anything so she'd been asking for the boredom, but that was life. Now she was paying for it or something. Matthew wouldn't even be home for a few hours, either.
Why was there nothing to do around here? Sandra groaned. No, she usually really did like it around here -- their apartment, their neighbourhood, Maple Hollow and the Academy in general. It was definitely a good place to be in many ways, even though it was a far cry from her hometown of Vancouver. Well... Sandra would just have to find something to do. Lying around doing nothing was so not going to help, even though it was one of her favourite pastimes, kind of. She reached for her phone where it lay nearby, and when she got it she scrolled through her contacts. She contemplated just picking a name at random, calling up whoever it was and demanding they go out and do something -- but then she spotted Devin's name, and for some reason her heart was thudding very, very uncomfortably in her chest as she hit the Call button. Well... a phone call wouldn't hurt, even if he already had plans or whatever. It wasn't like this was one of those one-phone-call-only type deals, like she needed someone to post her bail or something. "Heyyyy, DJ," she greeted softly but happily when he answered, flopping backwards on the couch. "Whatcha up to?"
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Jul 29, 2012 14:27:29 GMT -5
  it's like I never lived - - - - - before my life with you
Hands gripped the side of the bathroom counter as he stared at his own reflection, looking a bit...apprehensive. Tonight was another one of those average Friday nights out; another party, alcohol, girls, the works. The usual. While part of him had been looking forward to the reprieve all week long, another was not so sure about what he wanted to do. Meh, I could stay home and play video games, He thought, lifting a hand to mess with the blonde spikes formed at the front of his hair. Then again, with the work load at school, getting a bit of a drink and relaxing sounded good too. Maybe getting wasted would not be on the to-do list tonight. He had no idea. It was usually one of those 'wait and see' sort of deals. How he felt with the people around him, who was there, and whether or not he found a girl for the night. That last portion of thought made his heart lurch with an immense amount of guilt. No. Devin scolded himself. Sandra deserved better than this. Than him. Stopping all of this now would not change his past.
After sliding on one of his favorite dark gray t-shirts and his dark blue jeans, and of course putting on his favorite cologne, he slid out of the bathroom and made his way downstairs. Athena was off with friends for the evening--she had mentioned something about a sleepover with Kaitlyn--and Judith was in her room catching up on her reading. He knocked on her door. "I'm going out!" He called to the woman, who cheerfully responded, "Okay dear! See you later." Now, if he could just find his shoes...Death defying this mess I'm buying, it's raining down with love and hate~ Quickly Devin pulled the phone from his pocket and saw the caller I.D. He frowned. It's like she knew or something. He hesitated for another portion of the song before placing the phone to his ear. "Hey Sandy!" He greeted cheerfully, now looking under the coffee table for those elusive shoes. Just as he got on his knees to look under the couch, he froze in a crouching position. "I'm uh..." Shit. Shit shit shit. He cleared his throat. "I'm actually about to head out to a party in a few minutes. Just...trying to find my shoes. It's like...they're ninjas or something." Stupid ninja shoes. At least they were a good distraction.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - { so much was missing here } I NEVER EVEN KNEW |
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Jul 29, 2012 14:43:51 GMT -5
"Oh." For such a talkative person, Sandra got pretty quiet for a few seconds, and there was nothing but the usual quiet static of the phone. Duh, obviously he had plans. She felt kind of stupid for having gotten her hopes up -- that they could have just... hung out or something. It was kind of her own fault for being dumb and socially lazy -- but of course she didn't expect her friends to drop everything just to come see her, that would just be stupid. She hitched a smile back on her face anyway, very much a believer in that whole thing about how other people were able to tell someone's mood or expression over the phone. "Ninja shoes. Did you check under your bed?" Hey, maybe they really were there. Her own stuff wound up all over the place.
Sandra rolled over so that she was facing the couch now, still (obviously) holding the phone to her ear. "But uh... party. That's fun!" Well, it wasn't really Sandra's thing, not most of the time really unless she was dragged by friends against any of her desires, but she knew that it was kind of Devin's thing -- parties and... girls. The smile fell from her face, and her question was already halfway out of her mouth before she had a chance to really consider it. "Who's... uh, who's gonna be there?" she asked quietly -- forgetting a smile, even! That was rare. Sandra was just a bright person in that sense. "Girls?" She groaned internally. Thank you, troll-mouth. Thank you. That was such a stupid thing for her to say.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Jul 29, 2012 14:59:00 GMT -5
it's like I never lived - - - - - before my life with you
Silence encompassed them shortly after his statement, and all Devin could do was swallow. What was she thinking right now? What must she think of him? Player. Non-committal. Those were the first two things that ran across his mind and inwardly the boy flinched at the thought. It was his own damn fault though, and he knew it. Just as he opened his mouth to try and break the uneasy silence that sat between them, Sandra finally spoke up. He cleared his throat again. "Oh, right! Yeah, I didn't even think to check there." Of course he didn't. Still the distraction was much needed and gave him something to do other than sit on the couch and fiddle with the hem of his shirt or play with his hair anxiously. Quickly he got up off of the floor and skipped every other step back up the stairs towards his room.
"Yeah, yeah it's gonna be fun!" He tried to sound excited but was not sure if it quite reached that point or not. Normally he would have been legitimately excited about the prospect of drinking and relaxing and flirting and finding a girl to go to bed with but now... "Lots of people, I guess." Devin replied lamely, entering his room and scouring the floor for those damned shoes. His heart was thudding in his ears. "I was invited by someone at school but he never said who all was going to be there." Like usual, there would be a multitude of people he did not know. That's how he liked it. Anonymity. The best way to do what he did. Just as he peered under the bed, once again Sandra's question caused him to stall. Devin sat up and stared at his comforter. "...yeah, yeah there's going to be girls. There usually is." How uncomfortable! This was growing more and more awkward as the minutes wore on, and he was not quite sure what to do now. It was hard to miss how...different she sounded. That was what probably made it the worst.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - { so much was missing here } I NEVER EVEN KNEW |
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Jul 29, 2012 15:14:45 GMT -5
She smiled a little -- he really was kind of adorable... and totally forgetful about where he put his things apparently, but that was probably one thing they had in common. "Seems like somewhere you'd leave them," she said with a quiet laugh, imagining him getting home and tossing his shoes under the bed for whatever reason. She'd apparently done that before and not realized it until she'd had to find them.
Devin sounded excited, at least -- a little weird maybe, but excited. She was probably just bugging him. He had places to be, people to see. Pfft. Sandra had tons of friends she could have called, could still call once they hung up, and she totally had to go and choose Devin, and she didn't know why she'd do something stupid like that. Okay... okay, she did kind of know why, but that didn't make it any better. She held off on letting out a long, loud breath, mostly because he was on the other end. "That makes sense," she said, distinctly unenthusiastic, but she didn't mean to. Excitement and happiness were things that generally came from her pretty naturally. She almost never had to try to force it -- and it didn't really work when she did. Of course there'd be girls at this party, though. It didn't make sense for there not to be. A small part of her wondered what it was that set those girls so apart from her, but she knew it was a dumb question because the answer came to mind readily. They were there and she wasn't... and that was probably it. Still, she sounded almost irritable as she spoke next, her mouth still spitting out whatever popped into her mind. "You can do better than all of those girls, you know."
Then she stopped, rolled back over, and cleared her throat again. Yeah, she probably really was just bugging him at this point, and she was pretty much just blabbing and saying stupid things now. Just stop it now. That seemed like a good plan. "I... uh, I have to go, actually. I'll talk to you later, Dev." Sandra hung up without waiting for a reply and just dropped her phone wherever it fell -- the floor apparently, but it was okay considering she'd just been lying on the couch. Ugh, she should... do something. She didn't want to go out anymore, though, and she got up and wandered into her bedroom, grabbing Roosevelt the teddy bear off of his perch on her desk before she came back into the living room. She'd just watch a movie or something... take a nap... Sandra didn't really want to do much for a while.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Jul 29, 2012 15:43:23 GMT -5
it's like I never lived - - - - - before my life with you
He flinched. His eyes closed, muscles tensed up, heart stopped as she spoke. It sounded so unlike Sandra. Like he was talking to someone entirely different. That scared him. Devin tried to say something, but couldn't. Opened mouth, closed mouth. Rinse and repeat. Now he ran a hand through his hair and had no idea what to do. What could he say now? Nothing. Was the harsh, bitter answer that resounded effortlessly in his head. Everything felt so different now. What he used to find fun was slowly losing its flavor, and now he felt guilty for even thinking of going out and doing what he usually did. Fingers tightened their grip on the phone for a long moment. The static in his ear was deafening at this point. "Yeah," Was all he could manage. It did make sense, right? Yeah. It did. Why were words so difficult to formulate? His mouth felt dryer than the desert, his mind racing a thousand miles a minute. He could not even snag one particular thought except for fleeting images of Sandra's face, the party scene, the girls, then back to Sandra again. She was there a lot lately. Devin refrained from heaving a sigh. Instead, he pushed it out of his nose as slowly as possible.
"I--" He was cut off abruptly at her next words, feeling his heart drop into the deep depths of his stomach. No I can't, Devin argued with her in his head. Don't you see? I can't be what I should for you. There was nothing he could give. Nothing worth holding onto. He felt like a used piece of paper, already having been written on and tossed in the trash. This was how he had felt with Autumn too, only this felt even worse. Why? Because Devin had known Sandra for longer, been closer. He thought that going back to his old life after Autumn would help him push past the pain, but all he did was set himself up to lose. Loser. The word smacked him in the face. He gripped the phone tighter now, his hand hurting. Devin dropped his head. There was so much he wanted to say to her but the words lodged themselves at the back of his throat. Nothing sounded good enough. It wouldn't come out right. It was hard to control his breathing now, nostrils flaring to retain the emotion he felt burning behind his eyes. Before he could even formulate anything else, some sort of excuse or a sign that he was still on the other end of the line, she said goodbye and hung up. No chance to even say 'talk to you later'.
His heart felt broken. Sandra sounded so hurt, so upset, and he did not even know why. This was how he always was and she never said a word before. What changed? A lot of things did, dumbass. He thought back to all of the moments after his apartment, how she would turn red and fumble with her words (just as he did)...but he saw it as him making the situation awkward, not her. Sliding the phone back into his pants, he finally found his shoes--which were actually under the bed, as Sandra had predicted--and left the house without any second farewell to his aunt. Devin had a lot on his mind and did not know what to do with it all. Behind the steering wheel, he watched the buildings breeze by; his focus was not on anything around him, though. Sandra's voice rang in his head. He couldn't shake it. He braked at a red light and looked up at the street light. To the right he saw the street name. Sandra lives down that way. No. He should just leave things be. The last thing Devin wanted to do was make things worse. He tapped the steering wheel. The more he thought about the party, the more bitter the taste became. Was going there really worth knowing that Sandra was upset? No. It wasn't. She probably won't talk to me. He was going to try. As soon as the light turned he took off down the street and towards her place. There was no going back now.
He parked outside and stared at the front door for what felt like infinity before getting out and walking to the front door. Every step felt heavy and weighted. What would she say? Would she even answer if she knew who it was? Devin did not know. I need to see her. I... His eyes were still burning. He stepped up to the door and knocked on it. Surprisingly, Sandra answered the door. His words were, once again, lost on him for a moment before he managed to coax them out. "Hey..." He said quietly. Looking down he noticed the teddy bear. Roosevelt. He wanted to smile but couldn't. "I uh...I..." He ran a hand through his hair. "About the...the party. I...the girls...they.." What the hell? Spit it out Thatcher! Why was this so goddamn difficult? He stepped up closer to her and leaned on the door frame, watching her. "Can...can I come in?" It was weak, quiet. "Please." Devin needed to let her know. He had to. No going back.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - { so much was missing here } I NEVER EVEN KNEW |
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Jul 29, 2012 16:25:46 GMT -5
Sandra had a small collection of movies, though admittedly not many, just favourites of hers honestly. Now she looked through the DVD covers, finally pulling one down -- something to make her cry maybe, because crying over a movie was a lot better and easier and less stupid than crying over other stupid stuff. Sandra would be okay, she got over things all the time, annoyances and brief moments of sadness bounced off of her like they were... not nothing, but they weren't anything that she needed to dwell on. Everyone had problems. She just didn't see the point, and so she usually didn't. She would be okay now just like she always was, and it was as easy as it would be an other time -- she popped the movie in and flopped back down on the couch with Roosevelt, not bothering to skip through the opening ads and previews and the like. That was pretty much all it took for Sandra, that and food... but she didn't want to move, so she didn't. Maybe if Matthew came home she could convince him to bring her something, but her brother was always home late and... meh, she would live. All she did all day was snack anyway. She just wanted to sleep, kind of, but -- for once -- she couldn't with her brain buzzing around like it was.
Devin was probably going to that party now, she figured, since it'd been a few minutes already anyway. Then what? There'd be alcohol, probably a plethora of girls, whatever else there always was -- Sandra didn't know and had never really cared to know more than what she saw on TV or on brief occasions when dragged along by her friends. She liked her life just fine without the compulsive need to go party and get totally wasted, but -- obviously, considering the sheer amount of people -- not everyone was the same as Sandra. Devin wasn't. She had known that, had pretty much always known it. It had never really mattered before. It still wasn't really any of her business, and she felt bad that she'd kind of nosed in on his life like that, where she was probably unwelcome... and with good reason, considering the girl's innocent mind and her (lack of a) track record of any kind with guys. She was okay with that, too, so she didn't know what it was that bothered her about the whole situation. Her brain was confused. Maybe it was just because... she let herself believe for even a few seconds that something could have come of... of it, whatever "it" was.
By now the movie had played through all the ads and she should really find the remote for the DVD player so that she could press play already or something, but she was too lazy and the only remote she could see was the TV remote -- which was also on the floor with her phone. Sandra wasn't very good at taking care of things. She groaned as she sat up to find the right remote, but at the same moment that she did so, she heard someone knocking on the door. Sandra's eyebrows knitted together. She wasn't expecting anyone. Was it her brother? No, he couldn't have forgotten his keys if he'd driven, and he wouldn't be home this early. She couldn't think of who else it could be... Either way, Sandra turned off the TV, then dropped both the remote and her phone on the couch (to avoid stepping on them later, really) before she went to get the front door. She hugged Roosevelt to her chest -- always her protector when she went to get the door, just in case, though she wasn't quite childish enough to think that he would be of any help. Roosevelt made her feel better, though.
She was kind of glad that she had the bear with her in the end, once she opened the door, because it threw her for a loop. "Uh... hey," she said. He was being so quiet. She was too. Everything was so quiet. "Um... what?" He wasn't really making sense, just kind of babbling. With a lump in her throat, she looked over his face. He looked tired, or... strained, or something. She felt immediately bad even though she didn't know why. Was it her fault? Sandra would never do that intentionally. She wanted to apologize but she didn't even know what for, so she didn't, just nodded and stepped aside without a second thought. "Yeah... of course." Devin was always welcome. "Uh... yeah, just come in," she continued softly, hugging Roosevelt even more tightly with the one arm but gesturing for him to follow her with the other. She led the way into the kitchen rather than the living room. She liked their kitchen, and not really just because there was food. It was hard to explain. "Are you okay? Do you want anything?" she asked, taking a seat, motioning for him to do the same and then glancing at the fridge. "Whatever you want. Or... something. Is everything okay?" she asked again in a quiet voice, clearing her throat, her instincts taking charge. Sandra didn't like when other people were upset. Devin looked upset. Whatever it was... well, it was probably more important than any worries of her own.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Jul 29, 2012 16:55:53 GMT -5
it's like I never lived - - - - - before my life with you
Devin's feet felt stuck. Even though she invited him to come inside he hesitated. Going in meant talking to her about this, to tell her what was really on his heart. That was scary. He was not used to this. Sandra stepped aside though, giving him a means to enter the room. It was so hard to avoid looking at her but Devin managed this for the time being. He felt...dirty. Or ashamed. A wave of these unwanted feelings washed over him. It was hard to stay afloat. "Thanks," He whispered as he finally stepped in past the threshold, taking every opportunity to stare at every inch of the walls and floor around him. Immediately he followed her into the kitchen and slumped against the refrigerator. It was difficult to breathe. He feared that, if he allowed himself to reveal his emotions, he would start crying. Fuck. I can't cry. There was no room for that now. He laughed, though it was muffled, distant, dry. Why was it that, after how upset she sounded on the phone, she was asking if he was alright? This is what makes her so wonderful. Always caring about others. Always so bright and happy and upbeat. Her smile made his day. Thumb and forefinger met forehead, massaging it a little in efforts to relieve the stress.
"No, I'm fine thank you." And of course his voice failed him, the words crackling as he spoke. He couldn't eat or drink much of anything right now if he tried. When Devin looked up he saw Sandra sit down and invite him to join her. Without argument he did so, abandoning the refrigerator in the process. It was hard to avoid looking at her now, though, with them sitting right there next to one another. Devin turned the chair to face her and rested both elbows on his knees. "I wish I could say that everything is okay," The boy started, finally finding a stronger tone. It was not much but better than before. He laced his fingers together, then pulled them apart. Staring at his hands was a good option for now. "But it's not. I..." The moment he looked up and met her gaze he drew a blank. His blue eyes were glazed over with emotion. "I...you..sounded upset on the phone. And I just...I don't like you being upset with me." Devin bit the inside of his lip and held her gaze. "The party was--I mean I was just..." What the fuck sort of excuse could he possibly come up with that would make everything better? None. There's none. Once again his thoughts spoke the harsh but bitter truth. He was going to go to that party and do what he always did. Nothing was going to change. He pushed past his feelings for Sandra to save her the grief of dealing with someone like him. Devin felt she could find better. She deserved better. His head felt heavy and he allowed his chin to drop against his chest. "You were never bothered before...and I never thought that it would upset you..I was just--" Doing what he always did. Lame excuse. Lame story.
Heaving another sigh and removing one hand from the other he messed with his hair again. It took him a moment to finally find her gaze a second time. He was always captivated. "I'm sorry. I really am." He scooted his chair closer, the feet making a little noise across the floor. His hand shakily reached out and touched hers. "I would never do anything to upset you on purpose. Ever. You...You're a very important person in my life, Sandy." He wanted to tell her, but Devin wanted to know if she would forgive him, and see how she responded to him now. Part of him was incredibly scared. What if she did not want to be around him anymore? Or she did not want to see him as much? That made his gut wrench. It was the reason he waited to see what she had to say.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - { so much was missing here } I NEVER EVEN KNEW |
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Jul 29, 2012 17:30:12 GMT -5
He hesitated for a second, and she frowned, wondering if he'd changed his mind now or something, but after a brief moment he walked in. He was whispering. It made her feel like there was a problem, not that there hadn't already been indication of that before. This made her nervous, though. She kind of stared a little, wishing he'd look at her instead of all around -- the floor and the walls and the ceiling weren't particularly interesting, anyway -- but at the same time she was glad that she didn't have to really look him in the eye. "Sure," she said, her voice not loud but stronger, like she was trying to make him come out of this shell that he had apparently put himself into. That wasn't a normal occurrence, not at all. She found that she definitely had reason to be concerned. Devin was... happy most of the time, she had figured. Well, he wasn't exactly always hopping up and down in excitement or anything -- she would be surprised if there were people who did besides herself -- but since she had met him a few years ago, there had been few if any instances when she'd seen him like this.
Either way, she had no business being upset when a friend -- a close friend -- was in her apartment like this, and while she obviously couldn't just pack all her feelings in a box and shove them onto a shelf somewhere... well, she would try really hard. Sandra just kept watching him as he came over to sit down, moving away from the refrigerator. She still didn't really understand even as he started speaking, but she stayed quiet. He looked so... not just strained, but sad? That was more than just stress. She didn't know why she felt so bad until he started, and then she still didn't know what to say. Even if she had the words, her mouth wouldn't quite be able to form them, so she just stayed quiet and didn't speak the entire time. "I wasn't... upset with you," she said softly, looking down at his hand when he moved it to touch hers. She turned her palm over so that she could actually take hold of his hand, and she toyed lightly with his fingers. She really shouldn't be doing that, not right now, not in this situation, but her brain was supplying her with absolutely zero words and she didn't know what else to do. It would probably be a good idea to say something before he thought she was upset again.
Sandra let go of his hand slowly. It was too distracting. "Seriously, I wasn't, I was just... being stupid. I have no right and no reason to be upset with you." She chose her words more carefully than usual, trying to make them make sense in her mind. It was true, though -- she didn't. It wasn't like they were... in a relationship or something. The thought would have made her flush if she wasn't already so distracted, but really, there was no reason she should have felt like that at all. "Look, don't apologize. I'm sorry you had to come here, I... I really wasn't upset or anything." Her voice squeaked. That part was a lie and she knew it -- she wasn't upset with him, wasn't the type to hold a grudge or pitch a fit or anything. If she was upset -- and at this point she had to admit that she was, at least to herself -- it was only at herself, at the situation, at everything else. She couldn't be mad at him. He'd done nothing to warrant that. The last part forced her to look back at him, lock eyes. "You're so important to me, Dev. Just..." She gave him a kind of wan smile. "Don't worry about me." Sandra was a trooper. She'd be okay one way or another.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Jul 29, 2012 18:05:56 GMT -5
it's like I never lived - - - - - before my life with you
The words were supposed to be comforting, like a blanket wrapping around his shoulders, but instead they settled uncomfortably on his chest like some sort of oddly shaped weight. "You just sounded so upset," He argued, though it was feeble. Devin was never one to really argue, it was more trying to figure out why--if she was not upset with him--she sounded that way when they talked. He was confused, and his chest ached, and god he wanted to kiss her. He just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and show her what he felt. She can do better. Devin chided himself yet again. It was becoming a daily mantra, something he repeated several times when hanging out with Sandra. If he told himself that, he could just try and ignore how he felt. Too bad that it did not work. Not in the least. Devin fought closing his eyes as she held his hand lightly, playing with his fingers. He wanted to hold it tight, to give it that reassuring squeeze, but after a moment or two she allowed her hand to fall away. That hurt just as bad as everything else.
"And you weren't being stupid," He replied, his tongue a bit more firm now than it was before. If anything he was the fool. The idiot who thought he could live his life the way he had been and be completely content with it for the rest of his life. Then Sandra came along and gave him so much happiness. It was hard not to smile in her presence. Today it was, because he felt as though he royally fucked up. Maybe there would be no fixing this.
"I have to apologize though. You sounded fine on the phone before I told you...and...I don't..." And there they went again, being tugged out with the rip tide. Devin was not always extremely good with words, but better than most. To stutter his way through every sentence was unnerving and made him feel unstable. He wanted Sandra to understand that he never did any of this to upset her, to hurt her or make her feel any level of sadness ever. Seeing that girl sad broke his heart. He simply couldn't stand it. And her voice on the phone was...he could not handle it. Not at all. "And don't apologize for me coming here," He added in, leaning in towards her and resting his arm on the table for balance. It would not do well to fall over right now. "I wanted to come here. I want to see you. I want to spend time with you. As much as you'll allow me to." Was that basically asking her to date him? In a very odd, round about way, yes. He did not expect her to take it as such, though. It was hard to catch his breath, heart pounding in his chest. Could Sandra hear his heartbeat? He certainly could. "I...that party might have been fun for a while but...you always make me happy. I don't remember a time where I ever really felt down around you." He said this with intense fondness, a faint twitch of a smile forming on his lips before it vanished again. Hearing her say that he was important to her caused his heart to skip a beat. Devin could feel his face warming up, the smile returning a bit more permanently now.
With his free hand, he brushed the hair out of her face and leaned in even further. His thumb brushed over her cheek. "I'm going to worry over you. I always do." Although Devin's voice was softer now, it was not the same sad, distant quiet as before. His blue eyes were warm and affectionate. "You are the most beautiful person in this world, you know that?" He asked sincerely. He stared at her for a long time, just running his fingers across her cheek. "Am I um..." The question trailed off as Devin's thoughts flitted about in many different directions, his emotions distracting him. He brushed his nose across hers before pulling back a little, making sure he could make eye contact without crossing his vision. "...can I..kiss you?" He normally would not have asked, and instead gone straight for it, but the doubts still kept him from feeling so confident.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - { so much was missing here } I NEVER EVEN KNEW |
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Jul 29, 2012 19:07:31 GMT -5
Sandra breathed in and out slowly. "Well..." She didn't know how to finish the sentence though, and without anything to say after that she just fell silent. Ugh... She didn't really want to have this discussion, or argument, or whatever it was. It wasn't much of an argument. She didn't want to fight... and she had never known Devin to, either, not once in all the time they'd known each other. "Maybe. Not with you, though." She had never been upset with Devin, not once -- definitely not over this, and she wasn't now either. How could she be? "I... kind of was," she mumbled. Being stupid, that is. He always had so much faith in her, but Sandra wasn't perfect, didn't even come close. She just did as she wanted, and right now... she wanted to hug him and cuddle up to him and tell him it was okay because he had to be okay because even if she hadn't been upset before, this would upset her now -- the look on his face. "I don't know, I wasn't... upset with you," she reinforced one more time, "I just... If I was upset, I shouldn't have. No point to that. That's not... my place." She was just a friend, and hadn't she always thought that friends shouldn't try to force their ways into other aspects of their friends' lives?
She played with a few stray strands of her hair to give her hands something to do, now that they couldn't be occupied with his fingers anymore. "I'm fine now," she said anyway, letting out a long breath. Was she? She didn't really know. She felt fine, but then that was without acknowledging all the thoughts popping up in her head now. Whatever apologies he made, it wouldn't really make a difference in the long run, because Sandra could never stay upset with him and besides which, she didn't know what would change. Probably nothing. Why should it? He'd apologize, leave... go home? Maybe he'd even still go to that party anyway. She couldn't stop him. She would feel bad doing it -- it really wasn't within her rights at all.
It put butterflies in her stomach when he leaned in closer, even though he wasn't that close, but the distance was... narrowing, and his words -- even though she couldn't figure out what the intent was, if it was friendly or... something. Her mind didn't entertain any other possibilities, though. "I always want you around," she told him, and it was true. Sandra wasn't... Hm. She wouldn't say that she was the type to cling to people so much that she refused to ever let go of them, but she liked to have people around, and there were just certain people she would be okay with if they were just there forever as constant presences. "Always," she reaffirmed once she'd thought it over. Devin was... a good friend, any extra feelings aside. He made her happy. She'd keep him around forever -- but that was maybe where the lines blurred, between his being a friend and being... something else. She fell silent at his next words. It tugged on her heart a little and she wouldn't have been able to explain why even if she'd had to. Luckily, she didn't. "I..." There was that smile, though. She had missed it since he'd shown up. Now that it was back, or at least returning, she let a wide smile spread across her face slowly. "Good. I want to make you happy. You always make me happy." Apparently her brain could only operate in short sentences now, but it was running on overdrive anyway. She didn't know what to do or say in a situation like this.
He hadn't been as close before, but he was close now, so near her face that she was pretty sure he could hear the gears grinding away in her brain or something. She couldn't seem to come up with any actual thoughts, though, just a bunch of nonsense and feelings and there were those butterflies again, she noted, not daring to move an inch of her body just in case of... of something or other. "You don't need to get worried just because of me." Special or not, and Sandra didn't really know which, she didn't want people getting worked up over her. Her eyes closed for a second when he moved his thumb to brush her cheek. "Well, I wouldn't say that," she said, looking him in the eye. Real words were finally coming back to her. Maybe they'd even make sense, too. "Maybe the second most." Devin was more beautiful than anyone. In this moment, she was convinced of that. He was so close, and she couldn't help a tiny giggle when their noses brushed. Devin was so adorable. His question put a smile on her face. "Nope." She didn't know where the answer came from, because in reality it was a seriously overwhelming yes, but she leaned forward herself, taking the initiative and kissing his lips quickly, briefly, before she could give herself the chance to think about it and second guess anything.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Jul 29, 2012 20:14:32 GMT -5
it's like I never lived - - - - - before my life with you
Maybe. So she was upset. The sinking feeling in the bottom of his stomach yawned ever wider, making him feel uncomfortable. He did not like that this even existed now, her being upset. Even if she claimed it was not aimed at him, he could not help but feel responsible. He was the one who was going to the party, the one who was going to be with the girls, the one who did everything. His fault. How could she be so sweet? So quick to pin it on the situation and not the person who created said situation in the first place? He sighed. "No, you weren't. At least, I don't think you were." Devin quickly tried to place himself in her shoes. Had the roles been reversed and he found out that she was going to be at a party with a bunch of guys...the protectiveness reared its head again, only this time the solemn look on his face covered the twitch of a frown. He wanted to say more, to try and make her feel better, but was not sure how to do that. No words seemed good enough to rectify the situation. To say 'it is your place' obviously made no sense because they were just friends, nothing more. There was no place for anyone to say anything about his lifestyle. Then again, he wanted it to be Sandra's place. Wanted it for a while. He just...was not sure if she would want him. Or feel as though she could trust him. She could trust me. His loyalty was deep, and it helped that they had been friends for so long.
Devin had no idea if Sandra was actually okay, and decided not to pry any further. If given the chance, he would ask her over and over until he was sure that the answer was true, but knew that it would be futile.
If Sandra had been anyone else in the world and said those words to him, Devin might not have taken a second thought, but she was not anyone else. He looked at her now, bright blue eyes searching her face. Did she truly want him around? I hope so. Because as far as Sandra was concerned he wanted her around always. There were some people he did not have any preference for one way or the other, and others--like Sandra--were the ones he pined for their presence. Needed it. Thrived off of it. Maybe not every second of every day, but pretty damn close to it. Having such positive people like her were always uplifting, and if he were to be honest with himself she had been a significantly good influence. "And I always want you around too," He agreed, nodding. "I want to have you by my side." As a friend, and possibly more if she were to say yes. Devin thought he could find happiness in a bottle and with faceless women, but it took him a long while to realize that all of those instances were burying the truly memorable moments in his life. The truly memorable people. Would it be hard to break away from? Of course. A habit could not simply be broken in a day. But he was going to try his damn best to find a new path.
His smile brought a smile to her face, which in turn made him smile ever wider. "You do make me happy. You never have to try." Just her presence made him feel at ease. "And I'm glad I make you happy. I don't really know how but..." Devin honestly was not going to try and question it further. Sometimes there were not answers to these sorts of things and explaining them was a bit useless. At least, that's what he found to be true with his feelings towards Sandra. Sometimes being happy around her had no real rhyme or reason. Just being in the same room as him normally brightened his spirits. The close proximity between them was...enjoyable. He liked having her so near. And to see that she did not pull back or drift away from him was encouraging too. At first he wondered if her upset might lead her to create distance, but instead he found the opposite. "I can't help it," He said quietly, still smiling. "I always worry over the people I care about." And that was true across the board, with Josh, with Nell, with Ashton, with his other close friends. Sandra was a special case though. He cared about her as more than just a close friend.
"There are no second places," Devin countered with a chuckle, feeling better and better as they sat there. He absorbed her presence like a sponge. "You're the most beautiful person to me. Have been for a long while." Even before he considered Sandra as potential for more than just a friend, Devin saw how bright she was. How her personality lit up the world. Now it was as a friend and more. His heart skipped another beat when she giggled--eliciting an ever wider smile from Devin--but then frowned when she turned him down. Ouch. Well, I came here knowing that that was a-- Before his thought could even complete itself, the boy found his lips against hers. Not of his own volition, but Sandra's. That was not what he expected. Instantly he leaned into the kiss and ran a hand through her hair, the other pushing off of the table to rest on her waist. A bit awkward considering their positions in the chairs but Devin did not care. In fact he moved to the edge of his own seat and pulled her close, deepening the kiss for a few moments before pulling away. His breathing was level and calm but his heart was racing. "Is today opposite day?" He asked innocently between small breaths, smiling as brightly as ever. He could not be any happier than he was in that moment. "Because I could have sworn you said no." He kissed her again, this time for just a few seconds before pulling back. "So if I asked you to be my girlfriend, would you say yes or no?" Devin raised his eyebrows. Hey, he had to do things the right way.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - { so much was missing here } I NEVER EVEN KNEW |
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Jul 29, 2012 22:26:25 GMT -5
Sandra didn't really get angry, not at her friends. It was hard in a way to get on her good side when it was someone she'd had something against personally in the past, but there were few of those people, too. Devin wasn't one of them. She couldn't... really get angry, and even if she could she wouldn't stay angry. She couldn't, though. It was his life, his own decisions to make whatever she thought about them, and she didn't like to judge unless there were some majorly serious conditions. She didn't think these were, not as long as Devin was alright and not actually hurting anybody and... happy. She exhaled slowly. "Thanks," she said softly, and that was it. It didn't look like he really believed her though, so she tried to smile. She didn't really know how it looked, though. "I'm okay. Seriously." She would fight on and all that.
"I'll always be around," she said, smiling. She had no intentions of leaving -- not the Hollow, not all her friends, not... Devin. She didn't know why Devin was in a class all his own, but it felt better that way than it did to shove him in with all the rest like she always had. At least, she'd always tried. She meant what she said, though. "Whenever you need me, I mean... You'll know where to find me!" She smiled a little. That sounded incredibly cheesy like she'd pulled it from a movie, but then again... that was where Sandra gained much of her life experience, from watching things. Maybe one of these days she should go try doing something herself, but that was difficult and required effort, and she liked living in her own bubble. Devin is the cutest thing in the world. "As long as you're happy in the end," she said, nodding. He seemed happier now with his smile back. That did make her happy, even if she couldn't figure out how to articulate these things. She'd never been that great with spoken words, definitely not in times like these. "If you have to," she said, just as quiet. "But I... okay. It's sweet of you to worry." It really was. Sandra didn't think she'd be able to change it either, even if she told him a million times over not to worry about her or that she would be okay. He just... seemed the type -- was the type. She did know him well enough for that.
Sandra didn't even know what to say to him. It wasn't like she didn't hear compliments probably on a daily basis -- because of who her friends were, at least, it was always a give and take. This was different, though. This was... something else entirely. "That's not fair," she told him with a small pout. "What if I think you're the most?" She didn't know what this completely arbitrary ranking system of Most Beautiful People of the World was, but she would probably -- definitely, actually -- choose Devin. He was just... She didn't know how to describe him, and she definitely didn't know how to figure out what the heck she was supposed to be feeling as they sat there, in close proximity but for some reason not awkward like all the last times in the past few weeks. It was comfortable in a way. The sudden frown on his face in response to her words concerned her, but she had kissed him before really considering it -- before she gave herself a chance to feel bad because really okay, that might have been a little mean. He didn't seem to mind though -- not really knowing what she was doing, she let Devin take the lead. Hey, it wasn't like Sandra had a whole lot of experience kissing guys... actually, not really any except boy-from-camp-in-seventh-grade. "Nope, not Opposite Day," she told him once they had pulled apart -- for the second time. Her smile was kind of mischievous, though. He could figure that one out on his own.
She gave him an innocent look. "Nope." Then she thought about it and frowned. "If no means yes... on Opposite Day. Or not. I don't know." She blinked, confused. "Um... let's just say yes. As in a real yes." Sandra was very sure that she'd just made no sense, but she was kind of giddy, and an excited Sandra just never made much sense. She just giggled and took his hand again. Everything around her was just surreal at the moment -- literally everything. God, Devin was adorable. "I just..." She sobered up a little bit from her giddiness to think over her next words. "I just didn't think it'd be me." That was true enough. Sandra had been very convinced that he would have made a good boyfriend though, but maybe just -- for someone else, for a girl she'd never really considered much before. But here we are.
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Post by DEVIN JAMES THATCHER on Jul 31, 2012 22:20:52 GMT -5
it's like I never lived - - - - - before my life with you
He smiled at her. "That's good to know." Being such a social and friendly person, Devin thrived off of the company of others. Not all of the time, but knowing he could call someone up and probably set up a time to hang out was always nice. To know that Sandra would always be around...it was heart warming. She was one of those people that he wanted to have around that often. Whenever possible. Her personality and presence were so uplifting. And I never tell her that enough. Even as just a friend Devin wanted to express how good of a person she truly was. "I always need you, Sandy." His voice was solemn and sincere as he watched her. Now the words had a double meaning, but they still held true. "You are one of those people I want to have in my life until I'm an old man." Same with Josh and Nell and Ashton and the others. There were some people worth keeping for years and years and years, assuming that life did not drift them apart.
With a small laugh, Devin rubbed the back of his head but looked happy, content that--although he was initially worried about this entire party ordeal--she was not upset with him and she felt the same way he did. That was a wonderful relief. "Come on, me? Not happy? That's pretty uncommon you know." There was hardly a time when he actually felt down and out. On the way here, he did feel that way and the guilt still burrowed in his heart but the knowledge that she did not hold anything against him was encouraging. He was going to push past it and now allow the sadness linger for way too long. It would not help the situation in the least. He looked a bit sheepish when he smiled at her. "I...just always want you to be happy." And if that meant worrying over her well-being (physical, emotional, or otherwise) then he would. Devin did hope it was not annoying or bothersome though. Sandra was important and to irritate her would simply not do.
"The most...beautiful person? No no that's..." Devin waved his hand back and forth to try and dismiss it, but even as he spoke his face grew warm and it was hard to catch Sandra's gaze. Why would she think that? He felt so...unclean. Especially compared to the girl sitting before him. She deserved all of the good things in life and he had washed a lot of himself away in alcohol and girls, and yet she considered him something he never thought he could be. "I'm not. I don't think I could be. But you could pull it off for sure. I dunno if you wanna argue with me about this." With a small smile, Devin reached out and poked at her lip. Sandra was simply the most adorable person on this planet and there was nothing he could do to stop his heart from leaping up whenever she smiled or giggled or pouted. All of her in entirety was cute. She finally gave him an answer when they broke apart the second time, the look on his face that of sheer confusion. He did not understaaaand. Devin pouted and tilted his head to the side. "Don't hurt my brain," He whined tapping his temple a little bit as he himself began to pout. "It's so easily confused and stuff you know." The mischievous smile Sandra gave him did not help this situation in the least. Poor boy.
The pout turned into more of a sincere frown when she said no, not quite sure if she was playing along with the whole opposite day ordeal or not. This was so complicated! His lazy mind could only handle so much. Then he smiled when she tried to rectify. "Yes, no does mean yes on Opposite Day," Devin concurred, nodding eagerly. The happiness he felt lighting in his chest was intense and it was almost overwhelming. She's saying yes... All those times he hesitated asking her, talking to her about all of this...it took until today for him to gather up the courage and she said yes. It was unfortunate that it had to begin with her being upset about the party and him being upset for upsetting her. So much upset. His smile broadened as she giggled and took his hand. He laced his fingers with hers. "I like real yesses. Those are always incredibly nice." Especially when it was saying yes to being his girlfriend. Her next statement did throw him off though, and it took him a moment to comprehend. Did not think it would be her? In Devin's mind--at least for a long while--it had only been her. He never acted on it because she deserved only the best and he did not feel himself to be of such a caliber. It was nice to know that she thought so, though. "Why would you think something like that?" He asked, now pushing his confusion out into the open. His fingers toyed with her hair a little, the smile still present but small.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - { so much was missing here } I NEVER EVEN KNEW |
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Post by SANDRA HARU CHANG on Aug 1, 2012 11:53:59 GMT -5
Sandra smiled back. The conversation had definitely taken a lighter turn. That was good. She was never good with all that... that sadness. She was genuinely happy, genuinely enamoured with life and every part of it... or maybe not every part, but at least the parts she didn't like weren't big deals to her personally. She was pretty good at ignoring these things. It helped to keep people she liked around... and it helped then that she was just the type to like everyone in general. Some people she liked more than others. "Good. Then hopefully it won't bother you when I'm always there," she said, joking and smiling a little, but she was serious when she nodded. "And that's a really long way away. But I'm glad. I want you around forever, too." And forever is a mighty long time. Sandra didn't like to think about the future in any kind of real scale, though -- she didn't know where she was going to be one, five, ten years from now. She did know that it was important to her who was there with her.
She rarely saw Devin unhappy, actually, though she was sure it happened. Everyone was unhahppy sometimes. Even Sandra had her annoyances and pet peeves... and then the big things she was unable to handle at all, too. She wondered what Devin's were. There were probably people who could push his buttons just as well, though she knew that he was pretty much too peaceful a person for much to ever come of these things -- at least in the way of fighting or anything. It was one of those completely adorable things about him. "But if you ever are, I want to know." She just wanted to make things better for people all the time. Sandra just wanted to do that -- she couldn't save the world or anything. She could at least be there for someone. "And I always am happy." That wasn't true, though. She blushed. "With you." Now it was true, pretty much. Except for today, Devin had yet to do anything that had upset her -- and today wasn't something that she could blame him for at all.
There were the insecurities, or at least that was what she thought, looking at him. Still, Sandra genuinely didn't see the point. His face was a little bit pink, or maybe it was her imagination. For all she knew, it was reflecting the glow that was probably always there on her cheeks. The topic at hand made her believe that this wasn't the case at all, though. "But you are." She kept watching him, trying to keep eye contact even though it seemed he wanted to break it. "No matter what. You will be to me." Well, that was unless he did something crazy like commit arson or something, but she was pretty sure Devin didn't even have it in him. "Let's just..." She laughed as he poked her lip. "Let's just agree to disagree." She didn't like arguing in general, though she was pretty okay with it when it came to stupid things like this. Stupid argument or not, she was very convinced that she was right, though. There were so many wonderful things about Devin.
He was so cute, she thought when he pouted. She pouted back. "Don't even worry about it," she teased, kissing his cheek -- still going more red as she did so, but it was going to take adjusting. Okay though, maybe she was just trolling at this point, but Sandra also thought she was being pretty obvious, or at least it would become pretty obvious to him in a couple of seconds. She could only keep this up for so long anyway. Devin looked every bit as happy as she felt, and Sandra didn't even know how to describe any of it at all. She didn't really want to, either. She felt like it would detract from it. "The best kind of yesses," she agreed with a grin. It depended on the question, too. This was a good question to say yes to, at least for Sandra. She let him play with her hair, though her cheeks were definitely pretty warm as she thought over the question. "I just... I don't know, not me, I guess. Like..." She squeezed his hand a little to give herself something to do. "So different from all those other girls. I mean... at the parties and stuff." Sandra didn't know exactly what any or all of them meant to him, after all. It was nice, though, his coming here now -- like he was choosing her over all of them, or something like that. Sandra, at least, thought it was sweet. "But I'm really happy you're here." She was smiling wider and brighter than anything.
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