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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 24, 2011 23:56:36 GMT -5
Joshua knew that it was going to be a long day in the library today. He had exams to study for and papers to write and he was feeling the stress of having taken a double major. Had freshman year been this much hell? Josh honestly couldn't remember, but it also didn't matter to him as he entered the library and dumped a stack of books unceremoniously onto the desk. "I'd like to return these," he said as the librarian peered at him over her glasses. "I'll just be studying today, I don't plan on taking anything out, but..." She nodded to show that she'd understood and Joshua took the stairs two at a time to get onto the highest floor, the third. Not a lot of students came up here, and when they did it was usually because they needed one of the books before going right back down to the main area of the library. The computers and most of the conveniently placed seating areas were located downstairs. There was only a single small area near the windows at the back of the room that was usually used, and it was by Joshua himself.
Today, however, he was quite surprised to see Nell sitting there and studying away. A bright smile graced his lips as he realised that this study session might not be so glum after all. It wasn't that he was going to completely shirk his books in favour of his girlfriend's presence, though. They had been study partners for a while and so he was used to carrying on a conversation with her whilst also trying to get things done. He would collect the books he needed before he went up and said hello, however, because he wanted to make sure that he had everything. Some of the books were rather hard to find, though, because the librarian was getting old and sometimes she didn't have the time to catalogue everything correctly. He sometimes offered to help her whenever he had free time at school, mainly because his own library had helped him gain knowledge on how these things worked. She'd been the one to help him figure out how he might organize the library back home, actually. He'd only been a freshman in high school at the time and had no idea where to begin.
"Oh, hi Nell." As he strolled down a certain bookshelf near the little arrangement, Joshua was stunned to hear a shy and quiet greeting. Curious as to who else was up here, Josh peered through a gap in the books and noticed a sweet looking boy whom he knew to be an Earth student sitting down beside from her. Ah, maybe they're studying together, he thought. I won't bother them too much, then. He wasn't too disappointed by the fact that this guy had interrupted his plans. After all, Nell was unlike him. She had a lot of friends that she could hang around and that she could study with. Just because he was her boyfriend didn't mean that she should shirk everyone else in favour of him. He was just about to pull away from the shelving when he noticed the way that the guy was looking at her and how close he'd placed his hand on the desk. It was so subtle that Nell herself might even notice, but it filled Josh with a tingling sense of unease. Does he...? Pushing away thoughts of how wrong this was, Josh crouched behind the shelves to listen.
Drew, meanwhile, was entirely ignorant of their unexpected company. He had not in fact planned to study with Nell today, but the sight of her had brightened his morning considerably. They'd met back when she was new to the Academy and he'd taken a bit of a shining to her. Unfortunately, the girl had a boyfriend. Not the right type of guy for her, either, Drew was convinced. He was suspicious of the boy and worried about his intentions. The rumours he'd heard weren't nice. I'd be a much better match for Nell, he thought, sitting down beside her and calling out a shy greeting. The placement of his hand so close to hers was intentional, but he tried to make it look as subtle as possible. "Exams are really stressful, aren't they?" Making conversation with the girl always flustered him a little at first because he didn't know what to say. But he had a mission in mind today. "Mind if I study with you? I was really bored before I realised you were up here. It'll be way more fun with just the two of us!"
Just? thought Joshua, not missing this. Oh, great.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 25, 2011 0:36:47 GMT -5
 A lot of times when studying, Nell became so absorbed in the material she wasn’t aware of what was going on around her. She wrapped her hair around a pencil and stuck out her tongue, all the while not being conscious of this If someone passed by, she wouldn’t notice unless they spoke up. Which gave her quite the fright the time Harlow roused her while hopped up on mass amounts of caffeine. She decided to avoid drinking coffee this time, though, since the crash and jitters definitely weren’t worth it. It was probably best for her to study with a clear mind, free of the rush of caffeine. Besides, it wasn’t late yet which made it even more unnecessary.
She’d just stabbed a pencil through her hair to keep it up as she stared hard at a book when a voice jolted her. Every darn time! Seeing that it was Drew, she smiled up at him. She enjoyed his company, even though he was rather shy and mousy. ”Hey Drew,” she said, lifting her hand and waggling her fingers in greeting. She didn’t take exceptional notice to how close his hand was to hers, she just thought of it as him being friendly. He was a friendly kid, after all. ”Yeah, they can be, but it’s such a glorious day for cramming.” She said the last part while rolling her eyes, since there was a lot of things other than studying that she could be doing. But she never minded that much, even though it had taken her a while to adjust to the idea of cramming. Seriously, she added, ”But I really don’t mind the stress.” She was in a way used to the pressure, but with exams it was like an extra helping of anxiety.
Nell smiled up at her friend and said, ”Sure, I’d love to have some company.” Usually her company for studying was Josh, but Drew was just as well. ”Because I am pretty interested to see how you can make this interesting,” she said with a lift of an eyebrow. She didn’t necessarily hate studying, not at all, but ‘fun’ wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when thinking of it. ”So are you studying for history, too?” she asked with interest, wondering what exactly he was focusing on right now. She never had to study too hard for history—she remembered quotes and dates well—but Nell could never trust herself enough to get by on a test without at least glancing something over first.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 25, 2011 0:52:18 GMT -5
Drew smiled wide when Nell said that she didn't mind the stress. If he had been across from the table he would have leaned forward, but seeing as they were right next to one another there was no need for that. "Of course not," he said. "You don't mind anything and that's why you're such a great person." Drew figured that compliments were the best way to go at this point. If he flattered Nell enough then he could make his move and shove her stupid boyfriend out of her mind. I don't even know what she sees in him, Drew thought with bitterness. Stupid, annoying, cocky, conceited--
Nell's words cut him off and he continued to smile, pretending as if he wasn't angrily hating her boyfriend inside of his head. "That's great!" She didn't mind the company, and Drew took this to be a definitely good sign. Saying that you didn't mind someone's company was just a fancy way of saying that you might like them, right? So maybe he was searching desperately for cues and clues that Nell might be just as into him as he was her, but that didn't matter. "I am so glad I ran into you. What are the chances, huh?" He'd actually followed her with the intentions of asking her the moment she entered the library, but then he'd chickened out.
After that dose of cold feet, he'd gathered up the courage and went in. He'd passed that boyfriend of hers in the hallway in his rush to get inside. He probably went to hit on girls in the mess hall. The things I've heard! He focused more on Nell, though, determined that he would help the Earth girl see the light that was Drew and Drew's friendship. "Interested?" He loved the hear those words out of her mouth, they excited him and made him think that he definitely had a chance. "Well I'll show you just how interesting I can be! I'm a really interesting person." He grinned at Nell.
She asked him if he was here to study history. "Um, yeah!" he said too quickly, then smiled again. "I am. You are too, right? You're so great at history, probably a lot better than I am. Maybe you could... help me." He shifted slightly closer to her on the word help, but it was a very subtle shift. He was actually pretty good at history but he wouldn't mind pretending that she was so much better than him just to gain her attention and then flatter her. "Your hair looks really nice today," he said, laying it on thick. He wanted to give her as much praise as possible. Girls liked that, they had to!
Joshua, however, was liking none of this. From where he sat behind the bookshelves and listened to the boy speak, he was silently panicking. I don't compliment her that much, do I? I really hope she doesn't think I'm any less than him because of it. Aside from a little intimidated by the advances that this boy was making toward his girlfriend, Joshua was also irritated. Wasn't it becoming more public knowledge that the two were dating? It wasn't like they were trying to hide it from the school and there had been rumours about the two of them even before they'd officially started going out. Nell isn't that type of girl, he said to himself. She'll surely pick up on it. He's being so damned obvious! Joshua's gray eyes narrowed as he watched the Earth boy shift himself closer to her. I'm onto you, asshole. Nell was too, right? She had to be. Had to. Maybe she'll say something?
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 25, 2011 1:21:52 GMT -5
Nell didn’t think anything of Drew’s compliment. Well actually, she believed that he was just being playful with giving over-exaggerated compliments. ”Thanks,” she said. ”I try hard not to mind anything.” She really just thought he was teasing her about being such an easygoing person, and she didn’t mind. Lighthearted quips like that weren't to be taken seriously, she knew. To his comment about meeting up in the library, she said lightly, ”It must be fate.” After all, it wasn’t too odd a place to find a friend in. Now if they met up in the dungeons or something, that would be quite the strange and unlikely coincidence. It also wouldn’t happen in this lifetime, so that was a moot point.
He seemed really excited to prove just how interesting a person he could be, and she said, ”Go for it! I don’t doubt your interestingness. If that’s a word. Which I’m pretty sure it’s not.” She laughed as she said this, happy that she could have some stress alleviated through conversation with a friend. Even though she wouldn’t complain about the stress, it could be pretty overwhelming and it was nice to have a little break, even though throughout her words she moved her eyes back to the book in front of her. But she didn’t want to seem too rude, so she tried her best to focus her attention on Drew, casting him a bright smile whenever he spoke.
And she took his words at face value, not thinking that he would lie about something so simple as what he was studying. ”Oh, you’re having trouble?” she asked, recognizing a cry for help like the Batman signal. ”I could definitely help you out then. I may not be as great at history as you think, but I still like it enough that I’m pretty decent.” And if he needed to help it, she was at the ready with all her smarticles. She may not be as smart as Josh, but she’d like to think she wasn’t a complete uneducated moron. Nell wasn’t aware of the fact that he was actually good in history, since it wasn’t like she read over his transcripts or anything. She’d just like to believe the best in people, and that they wouldn’t throw compliments at her just to get on her good side.
She blinked at his complimented, a bit caught off-guard. ”Thanks,” she said since Drew seemed like he was full of compliments today. Her hair didn’t look especially good today considering the fact it was probably frizzy from her messing around with it all day, but the compliment was really nice. Especially since she really wasn’t used to getting compliments. ”Your hair looks real nice too,” she repled with a grin. ”Are you using a new shampoo or something?” She was teasing him of course, but it’s just what friends did. She didn’t mean any harm by her comments, even though they were a bit sarcastic in tone. She was enjoying her friend’s company too much to chase him away by being mean.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 25, 2011 1:41:40 GMT -5
Fate? The word set Drew's heart aflutter and he nodded enthusiastically at the thought. Yes, it was definitely fate that they had met here today. And, well, the fact that he had tagged after her for a while trying to think about what to say. He was feeling a lot better about this now, confident that Nell must be reciprocating his feelings if she used words like 'fate' and the like. "I haven't spoken to you in a while," he said. "You've been with Dale every time I've tried." Alright, so maybe he'd only tried a few times thus far and she'd only been with Josh because of a rare chance occurrence, but Drew was convinced that the guy was trying to keep her away from her friends. He's probably some possessive jerk. "Where is he today, do you know?" The further away the better. Far, far away where he couldn't bug Nell and he'd leave Drew alone with her so that he could get this confession out.
He nodded when Nell said that she could help him, pretty enthusiastic about this. "I would love you if you did," he said, using careful choice of words here. He opened the history book to a random page he didn't care about and said, "I don't understand any of this. It's all so confusing. Care to use your obvious expertise to help me out?" He wasn't even trying for subtlety now. The fact that he'd opened to a page for work two grades above what he was supposed to be studying was also a mistake. He was an eleventh grader and this was college level work.
Drew was positive that his advances were working out just fine when Nell complimented his hair, not even realising that she was teasing him. "Yeah," he said, lying as usual. He'd used the same shampoo since he was in the eighth grade and he wasn't going to stop now. "That must be it, but yours is so much nicer." Feeling a little daring, he reached out and brushed a strand of it against his fingers. This could be considered downright creepy if you thought about it, but he had liked her ever since the beginning of the year. He'd thought about asking her to the prom or something to make a statement, but then out of nowhere that stupid Fire kid had claimed her as his. Where had that come from, anyway? He knew that there had been rumours but he hadn't been aware of just how serious these rumours were.
Frowning, Drew said at last, "I really like you, Nell. Why him?" It was a simple enough question. "He's arrogant, he's self-absorbed, he's an asshole and he's like two years older than you." Drew folded his arms. Alright, so maybe two years wasn't quite a stretch--she was probably a good year and a half or so older than he was, which was pretty close--but he didn't care. He was grasping at anything that might make Nell see how much better he was for her. "I'd be good to you, he probably just wants in your pants. Why'd you choose him?" Huffing a little, he said, "Would you... I mean... could you ever see anything between us?" It was hopeful and now he sounded dejected as he said, "I'd do anything for you. What's he done to prove anything?"
It took all of the self-control that Joshua had not to move from behind the shelving and bash the boy's head in with the thick volume that he was gripping like a lifeline. He had opened it and tried to read, but after scanning the same passage five times without taking in a word of it he knew that it was a lost cause. He felt a bit creepy for sneaking around behind a bookshelf and listening in on Nell's conversation with this guy, but she'd done it to him before so it was okay, right? Is this how we’re going to spend our relationship? Hiding behind things and spying on one another? The thought might even have been funny if this situation didn't scare him as much as it did. He loved Nell and this was exactly what he had always feared. Someone had came along that was more innocent than he was, nicer than he was, and probably a great deal friendlier, too. I wouldn't be surprised if she fell for him, too. Josh just wasn't the good guy type. He'd been tempted by that blonde bitch in Blackjack and he had leagues more experience than his girlfriend in practically everything when it came to sex. This innocent Earth guy could probably be a better match for her. But she's with me, he thought, his knuckles clenching the book so tightly that they stood out stark white. Maybe not for much longer...
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 25, 2011 2:25:06 GMT -5
At the mention of Josh, Nell blinked. ”Really?” Sure, she hung out with Josh a lot but she also made sure to have time for her friends. It wasn’t like he occupied all of her time, so she was somewhat surprised by the fact that he couldn’t talk to her while she was with her boyfriend. ”Well, I guess I’ll have to hang out with you some time. You know, outside of studying.” She lifted her book for emphasis, a smile on her face. If Drew wanted to hang out with her, it wasn’t like she didn’t have any free time. Sure, she was busy a lot, but she always made sure to give her friends attention since she didn’t want to lose them. ”Nah, I don’t,” she said conversationally, unaware of the fact that the boy was inwardly seething over her boyfriend. ”He’s probably off doing his own thing.” It wasn’t like she was his keeper, so she didn’t know where Josh was at all times of the day.
Nell smiled brightly, always happy when she could be of help, even if it was with things like schoolwork. ”I could try,” she huffed, but then winked at Drew to show that she was only kiddign around. She really didn’t mind helping anyone, as a matter of fact, she loved it. Nell steered her eyes down to the book, and blinked. She hadn’t even gotten this far yet, and she was a grade above him. ”Are you taking college courses or something?” she asked. No, that wasn’t right. If he was bad at history, he certainly wouldn’t be taking higher courses for it. She looked at him curiously, wondering if he just flipped to the wrong page or something and didn’t give it a good enough look to realize what he’d done.
She chuckled when he answered her question, thinking of how cute it was that he took her question so seriously. But it also made her wonder… Was he serious? She wouldn’t be able to tell if someone changed the shampoo they were using by looking at their hair. So it was weird that he would answer her as if it was a completely normal question. Then, he caught her off guard by actually touching her hair. She wasn’t skittish or adverse to other people’s touch, but it was just kind of random and unexpected and she didn’t know whether or not to take it as a simple friendly gesture. She was sure she didn’t have many friends who went around touching her head. ”Erm…thanks,” she said uncertainly, giving him a curious look but still wearing a half-smile. Okay, that was just a little strange and she felt a little awkward but she was willing to brush the touch off…
…Until he said that he really liked her. Oh. Jeez, how oblivious could she have been? Drew liked her and she didn’t even realize it until he had to come out and say it! She was going to answer him with a simple ‘Because I love Josh’ before he started going off insulting him. His words made her lips fall into a frown. ”I’m flattered that you like me,” she started, feeling bad about having to do this. However, that feeling was easily buried underneath the protectiveness she felt for Josh. ”But Josh is my boyfriend. And I don’t think he’s arrogant or self-asorbed at all. As for his age, well…two years isn’t that bad. I know I don’t care. But I can say I don’t appreciate you talking about him like that. You obviously don’t know Josh, otherwise you wouldn’t be insulting him in front of me of all people.” She couldn’t help but let some defensiveness creep into her tone. She could never be outwardly mean, but she was cutting it close with her bluntness. But it wasn’t for herself, it was for Josh. Nell liked Drew—not in the way he liked her of course—but she couldn’t help the disapproval about the fact that he felt he could bash her boyfriend like that. She knew Josh didn’t have the most honorable history and that he wasn’t the most upstanding guy, but he was great to her and that’s all she needed.
Why did she choose him? ”I chose him because I love him.” Wasn’t that obvious? Why else would she go out with him? She wasn’t about to go rambling into all the reasons why she loved Josh, because that was personal. All of this was personal, and she felt offended that Drew thought that insulting her boyfriend was the right thing to do to get into her good graces. ”So no, I can’t see anything between us, Drew. Ever.” She felt really bad about having to turn him down, but the fact that he insulted Josh had helped give her the guts to turn him down. In her mind, Drew was being more mean than her right now, taking shots at Josh. It gave her an uncomfortable feeling that someone she thought was her friend could be like that. Her tone was a bit short as she said, ”Well, for one thing he doesn’t go bashing my friends like you’ve just bashed him.” She shook her head a bit, closing her book. ” I could compile a rather long list for you, but I’m not sure if I feel comfortable talking to you right now.” There was a bit of childish stubborness in her tone, and even she was surprised by how worked up she’d gotten.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 25, 2011 2:55:32 GMT -5
Joshua was actually shaking as he listened to the conversation continue on. Was this shaking out of anger, or was it fear that he was about to lose the only girl that had ever really mattered before that wasn't related to him? Usually he could tell with these sorts of things, but Josh really didn't know. Looking through the shelving, he noticed how Drew touched her hair and felt physically sick to his stomach. Keep your hands off my girlfriend, you creep! He hated the fact that he felt a little possessive right now, hated himself for wanting to hop the shelves and rip the boy's hand off. But this wasn't fair. Friends didn't do that. He was hitting on her. That made it alright to hate him, right? He hoped so, because his shaking hands wanted to wrap themselves around the boy's throat at the moment. Drew. Fuck Drew. Fuck everything about Drew. That was his girlfriend that the kid was hitting on, that he was trying to seduce. But it was different from the kind of seduction that Brittney had used. She'd understood hormones enough to try and sway him with touch and flirting, Drew was trying to flatter Nell into going with him. Maybe it would work. Nell needed a sweet guy more than she needed a former player, didn't she?
When will she tell me, if she goes out with Drew? This was his next most concerning thought. He doubted that she'd go off and sleep with the boy but he wondered when he would become privy to this important information. Was she going to wait a couple of weeks or would she break it off outright? Would she be nice and gentle about it or harsh and unforgiving? Maybe she'd even mention Brittney for justification. Unless she didn't plan to tell the truth at all. What if she just said that she didn't things would work out? Would she hide her relationship with Drew in favour of him not knowing? The sad thing was that Joshua didn't think he could really hurt Drew as much as he wanted to if Nell fell in love with him. He might shove the boy into a wall or give him a bit of a burn, but he couldn't do anything with lasting damage. He knew how much it had upset him when Altair had went for Nell and so he understood just how important your significant other could be to you. Will I come out and tell her that I know myself, or should I wait until--
Woah. Hold up. Alright, so maybe Joshua was bashing himself internally and thinking that Drew was so much better than her, but that did not give him the right to insult Josh. Hell no. He didn't think that being called arrogant and self-absorbed was cool with him. He understood that this guy was better for Nell but really? Insulting him was just nailing his own coffin shut. The graduate actually stood, hefting the book in one hand and judging how good it might be as a weapon. I'll show you how much of an asshole I really am. Then Nell spoke, and her words changed everything. Was she... defending him? Josh blinked as he listened to Nell stick up for him. Whatever he'd been expecting her to say to Drew, even if it hadn't been 'alright I'll go out with you', it hadn't been this. She doesn't think I'm arrogant? But... I am. He knew this himself, but the fact that Nell didn't agree made his lips twitch a little. She'd called him her boyfriend and then she'd stuck up for him, giving Josh a momentary boost of confidence.
"I chose him because I love him."
Josh's grip on the book relaxed a little, and he actually managed to slide it back into its place. He'd been using the slot that its removal had created in order to spy on the two, but he was feeling relieved enough at the moment that he didn't feel the need. Nell said that she couldn't see anything with Drew and he actually exhaled, though he made it as soft as possible so as not to alert the two of them that he was there. Nell said something about him that almost amused Joshua. Does thinking about bashing their heads in count? But really, he didn't feel this sort of jealousy with all her friends. Just ones like Drew, ones that were really the right sort of match for her. And then Drew left. He heard the chair slide back and an angry huff from the boy, and then he heard the angry steps thumping on the stairs. Thank god.
Despite his internal victory, it was well over fifteen minutes later before he actually went up to speak with Nell himself. He didn’t spend these minutes behind that lonely bookshelf, however--Josh went down to the mess hall to grab a drink and an apple to calm himself down as he ate and thought about the things he would and wouldn’t say to her. That was when he decided that he wasn’t going to tell her what he’d heard about her rejection of Drew. There was no need to bring that sort of thing into their relationship, right? No need to admit that he’d been so terrified of her leaving him that he’d eavesdrop on an entire conversation with her friend? It was kind of creepy that he’d done so. He knew that, he could accept that. It was a little different with him at the bar because he was a guy with usually less than innocent intentions. So when he approached her table to find her still studying, Joshua gave her a smile and sat down across from her, dropping his bag onto the chair beside him. “Hi, Nell. Studying for exams?” He hoped that he sounded pleasant enough. “That’s why I’m here, actually, so I feel your pain if you are.”
Okay. Breathe. This was harder than he’d thought it was going to be. He didn’t know what to say or do or think or anything like that. His gray eyes caught the textbook that Drew had left in his wake and a lump rose in his throat. This was making him very uncomfortable. He didn’t think that Nell would have cheated on him or anything, but that didn’t change the fact that he was very nervous and he didn’t know what to say. “So, um,” he started, then said without thinking, “You plan on studying alone or are you going to hang with friends? Cause I could… you know… leave, if you’ve got something planned.” Well shit. He hadn’t exactly expected to sound jealous or uncertain. Wincing, he said, “Sorry. Don’t mind me. I’m just stressed because of… exams, and stuff…” Yeah. ‘And stuff’. Stuff like the fact he now knew her friend was in love with her.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 25, 2011 3:18:39 GMT -5
Nell could actually say she wasn’t too unhappy when Drew left. He’d managed to upset her, which was quite the feat considering. But really, where did he get off? She honestly liked Drew as a friend, but she wouldn’t have considered going out with him even if he had insulted Josh—but the fact that he did drew the line. She always felt a strong protectiveness of her friends, so she guessed this would carry over to her boyfriend. Still, even she was surprised about how much Drew ruffled her feather by treating Josh like he wasn’t a good guy for her. What did he even know? Josh meant more to her than anyone else, Drew included, so if the boy thought that what he said would change her mind about her boyfriend than he was wrong. As she’d just proven. Maybe I was a little meaner than I needed to be…? No, she didn’t really say anything that bad. She’d just been honest. Really honest. At least she didn’t cuss and there wasn’t any Spanish involved.
After uncrossing her arms and cooling off from the strong defensiveness she felt moments before, Nell opened her book and committed herself to studying again. It was only a matter of time before she got a disruptance in the form of Josh. She jumped a bit, and then sighed. She really needed to stop being so intense about studying. ”Hey, Josh,” she greeted him. ”Yeah, fun stuff. But I doubt you feel the pain as much as I do.” She was poking fun at his bookishness, sure that he wasn’t as upset about the whole exam deal as most people were. She wasn’t too bad with it, but she didn’t necessarily embrace the workload as Josh seemed to do. A feeling of envy came to her, but that was quickly disregarded.
Looking up from her book and now studying him, she noticed that Josh seemed to be a little off. She couldn’t really tell, but she was almost certain there was something wrong. An expression of confussion crossed her face when he asked if she planned to study with her friends or anything. ”No,” she said, giving him a skeptical look. ”You can definitely stay. I didn't plan anything specific today, so you don't have to worry.” And she was pretty sure that Josh wouldn’t upset her like Drew just had. It surprised her that someone else out there actually had a crush on her, and she would have been more flattered if he hadn’t thrown in Josh-bashing. Why did he think that would get me to go out with him? Returning her attention back to her boyfriend, Nell tilted her head. ”You all right? I didn’t expect you to be so anxious about exams.” She wasn’t even that stressed out, after all, and she didn’t have a zeal for learning like Josh had.
Unless… She didn’t really want to think it but the fact that he asked after friends of hers and said that he was stressed about his exams made her wonder. Was there something else on his mind? And if so…what would it be? ”Were you here earlier, by any chance?” she asked suspciously. ”And if so, did you happen to overhear something?” And if he had been in the library before, Josh would catch on to what exactly she meant. If not, he’d probably just give her a puzzled look and think she was losing her mind or something. But she was couldn’t help the feeling… What, you’re going to start accusing him of spying now? It wasn’t like she hadn’t done the same to him. But she didn’t want to make too many assumptions unless she was absolutely sure.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 25, 2011 7:27:46 GMT -5
Joshua laughed softly and even managed a little smile when Nell joked, picking up on the fact that she was indicating his love of learning and books. "Double major, remember?" he pointed out. It was true, though, she was probably a bit more ruffled about exams and such than he was. Joshua was used to studying and cramming and Nell--what was she used to? He knew a few things about her past but he didn't think he could count school in the list of things that they'd discussed. Passing it off as nothing, Josh said, "Are you studying for history or do you just like the quiet up here?" Maybe it was a combination of both. Joshua came up here regardless of whether he wanted to immerse himself in history books or just read a novel, for it was one of the least likely places to be antagonised by annoying freshmen or be interrupted by the talking of others in the library. Honestly, he never understood those that came to the library just to talk. Chat whilst studying, maybe. But just talking? They'd do just as well to hang around out in the halls or on the grounds.
He mentally kicked himself when she asked if he was alright. Her intuition with him was getting better and better, probably because they spent so much time around one another that Nell was growing accustomed to his quirks and his habits. She certainly knew about his study habits and the fact that exams usually didn't stress him out as much as he was acting, for she mentioned this specifically as she went on. "Um, yeah, I'm fine," he lied. "Just had a rough day." A rough day involving the fact that one of Nell's 'friends' had the hots for her. He knew this feeling of jealousy was bad and that he should just let well enough alone--she rejected him--but Joshua couldn't shake the feeling in his gut. It didn't matter whether Nell had turned him down or not, Josh was self-conscious about this whole dating thing. He was confident enough in that he knew his feelings for her, but that didn't mean he wasn't aware of threats or the fact that he might not be the best choice. Apparently he also wasn't the only one who'd noticed, seeing as stupid Drew had pointed this out.
Josh guiltily averted his gaze from hers as she spoke suspiciously, hitting the nail right on the head. You know me too well, he sighed to himself. He might have been touched by the fact she was getting good at this had it not resulted in her uncovering of his facade. He could lie, of course, and say that he had no idea what she was talking about. Joshua was a pretty good actor and as long as he tried to act natural and much less stupid than he had been a moment ago he could probably convince Nell that everything was fine. She was always eager to trust him, after all. But that would be lying and Josh had constantly promised himself that lying, of all things, was not something he should do to Nell. "I--" He bit his lip and then nodded slightly. "I might've overheard a bit of that." Feeling bad, he said, "I didn't mean to spy or listen in, honestly. I was up here to study and I was about to come over and say hello to you when he dropped in. He was sitting all close and practically drooling over you, I noticed right away--" He cut himself off again, giving a frustrated shake of his head. "He was being very obvious," Josh mumbled unhappily. "Complimenting your intelligence, your personality, your hair--it does look nice, by the way, but that's not the point..."
Ah, and there it was again. Like the dam had broke during a full-force hurricane, the flood of jealousy and anger and disappointment crashed into him. It winded him for a moment, stunning him silent as he worked his jaw and tried to figure out what to say. "He was right about what he said. He's probably better for you than I am." This seemed to make the graduate very unhappy as he folded his hands on the table. "I can't help but feel a little..." But what word to use? There were so many in his vocabulary, and yet he ended up with an honest, "Jealous." He'd never realised that he was a jealous person before. Never had any reason to realise. Sure there'd been the incident with Ace, but he'd just passed that off as being irritated with the guy for acting like he could dictate what Nell and Joshua could and could not do. This was different. Surely it was. A frown coloured his lips. "Do you like him?" he asked. "Even a little?" God damn it, he shouldn't be asking her these questions. He didn't sound pushy or angry or even upset--he just sounded exactly what he'd said he was. Jealous. He trusted Nell, it was the stupid boys in this Academy that he didn't trust with their very clear desires to take the only girlfriend he'd ever had away from him. Wincing as he realised that he might be out of line here, he apologised, "Ugh, nevermind, you don't have to answer that I'm sorry. I shouldn't be getting so worked up about this. I just--I didn't expect... this." What was this, exactly? Well, once Josh figured that out for himself he might be able to tell her. "I always knew people would be drawn to you. You're a great person and you're pretty, you're nice... but I didn't know it would make me feel this... envious."
He'd never had these sorts of feelings before--not for anyone. When witnessing a former hook-up getting with some other guy he'd always just shrugged it off. He'd never felt anything for the others before Nell. That's why he'd asked her out, really. He'd been uncertain about the relationship himself but he was paranoid that someone else might come along and beat him to the punch. Would she have ended up with Drew if he hadn't come along first? Probably. He didn't like to think about that. "Thanks for sticking up for me, though," he said. His self-confidence could dip as low as hers sometimes and it always hurt to know that he'd never be as nice a match for her as a guy like Drew. "Even if some of that stuff was true, I'm glad you didn't go off with him." When would this jealousy fade away, he wondered? Joshua wanted to keep Nell around, so he was determined that it wouldn't rule their relationship. "Sorry again for spying. I just... couldn't help it, I guess."
[... I didn't realise you'd even posted, holy shit. Also holy crap he's so... jealous, there really ISN'T another word xD]
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 25, 2011 20:33:00 GMT -5
”Right, right,” she said when he brought up his double major. That was a lot more stress than usual, true enough. Josh asked her if she was actually studying history and not just sitting in the section for quiet, and she nodded her head. ”I am studying for history, but that won’t take too long…” It was more of glossing over what had already been taught to her. ”So the quiet is nice, too.” Well, until Drew had come along and made her all uncomfortable. She would like to consider libraries a kind of sanctuary. They were always a safe place for her when she was little, and she’d like to think they were the same now. She wondered if Josh viewed them the same way. Hearing him say that he’d just had a rough day, she simply leaned back and said, ”Okay. Sorry it hasn’t been a good day for you. Anything I can do to make it better?” She didn’t really want to believe that he was lying about anything, especially that there was something wrong. But since it was definitely better than his usual answer of ‘fine’, she decided to take it for what it was.
Until he told her the truth. Nell didn’t hold it against Josh for spying. She had done it to him, after all. But…had it been that obvious Drew was hitting on her? When he had been dishing out compliments like it was going out of sky, she’d have liked to believe it was just him being friendly. She knew now of course that they had less-than-innocent intentions, but apparently Josh could see it right off the bat. ”Was it really that obvious?” she asked, her lips pursed as she tried to mull over why it didn’t stick out to her that this kid was flattering her because he had a crush on her. She hoped it wasn’t because she was so naïve, but because all her feelings were for Josh, and not any other boy who came along. ”Uh, thanks,” she said quietly when he complimented her hair in the middle of his spiel, her cheeks heating up in a bit of a blush. It meant a lot more coming from Josh than it had Drew, considering how much she cared about the former and how the latter was probably just looking to flatter her. She wondered if they could even be friends even more if the boy had feelings like that for her.
Josh’s next words stunned her a bit. Did he honestly believe that Drew was better for her than him? She refused to even consider that there was someone else out there better for her than her boyfriend, because for all Josh’s faults and downfalls, she loved him. ”No, he’s not better for me,” she said sternly. Sure, Drew was a sweet guy, but he wasn’t Josh. That was the difference. So it wasn’t even in her mind that he may be better for her than Josh, it wasn’t even an option to be considered. The Fire elemental already proved to her how great he was, and her feelings for him weren’t about to go away because Drew said he liked her. ”I don’t want you to be jealous because you don’t think you’re a good guy for me…” she started. It was nice that he cared enough about her that he did have those feelings, but it was also worrying to think that her boyfriend thought someone like Drew could take her away from him. ”Because as long as I think you’re good for me, it doesn’t matter what other people say.” At least she hoped so. Honestly, it bugged her that Drew would say those things, not only because she was so protective over Josh, because it was like telling her that she didn’t know how to choose the right guy to be with. He was in effect also insulting her by saying that Josh was such a bad person and that he probably only wanted in her pants—it was like saying she was too stupid to realize these things that she knew weren’t true.
He took back his question about liking Drew, and she shook her head. ”No, I want to answer it,” she said. ”I don’t like Drew. Not even a little. Well, not in the sense that I want to go out with him. And I’m not even sure if I even like him as a friend, really, after he said all that stuff.” She was exaggerating, of course. Nell would eventually forgive him, but right now she was miffed that he thought he could insult Josh in front of her and suddenly she’d have a change of heart about going out with the Fire grad. It made her worry that other people may have similar opinions of their relationship, though. Well, forget them, she thought. If people didn’t like her relationship with Josh, they could bugger off. Sighing, Nell said, ”I’m not going to break up with you just because someone else out there wants me to. I like you too much to even think of doing that.” Surely Josh knew that herfeelings were strong enough that she didn’t want to think about going off with someone else. Someone like Drew, who in the end she wouldn’t have to be self-conscious about because of his history or constantly worried about because of the fact he got into so much trouble.
Nell blinked at him, but then smiled. ”Of course I’d stick up for you,” she said, disbelieving in the fact that Josh thought she wouldn’t. ”Not like I could just let him run his mouth like that.” Her voice was stern as she said this, sense she really didn’t like anyone saying that Josh wasn’t a good guy for her, even if it was because the guy was just worried about her and had feelings. ”I guess we can consider it even,” she teased. Nell didn’t realize that Josh could also be jealous too, like she’d been jealous of Brittney. It seemed they were both totally self-conscious that they were worried about someone better than them taking the other away. But Nell was determined not to let their relationship fall through. And that meant they’d have to trust each other when they say that no one would take them away.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 25, 2011 23:57:06 GMT -5
It had been obvious enough to Joshua, but he paused for a moment to try and consider the situation from Nell's perspective before answering. "It was obvious to me," he admitted quietly, dipping his head. "Maybe that's just because I was looking for it. A lot of people think I'm bad for you and I kind of expected something like this might happen." He was a bit embarrassed as he admitted this, letting Nell know that he'd been worried about a guy like Drew coming along. Though this may have made it seem like he didn't trust Nell, so Joshua quickly amended, "N-Not that I was as worried about you," he said. "It's them I'm wary of." Just as he was sure that Nell was conscious of all the pretty, easy girls that came Joshua's way. It wasn't easy being the jealous one in the relationship but Josh just hoped she understood because of how much Brittney had frightened her when she'd tried to come between them. "I guess since you weren't searching for guys to hit on you it wouldn't be as obvious." A little white lie was alright if it protected Nell's dignity, right? He understood that she was naive and oblivious to some things and though he didn't hold it against her at all he still wanted to make sure she understood that it didn't matter.
His sharp gray gaze softened very slightly when she spoke in a stern tone, basically scolding him for even thinking that Drew might be better for her than he was. It was nice to hear her protest to the ideas and sound like she believed every word of what she was saying to him. He nodded, feeling slightly better now that Nell was literally telling him not to be jealous. "I guess I did overreact a little." He didn't really think so--the bastard had been outright trying to make her leave him--but he didn't want Nell to think him as controlling or too jealous for this relationship to work. "I'm glad that you think I'm good for you," he added, managing a light smile. He liked the sound of that. As long as his girlfriend was confident about it, why shouldn't Joshua be as well? Then Nell explained that she didn't like Drew at all and his spirits rose even higher. So maybe he didn't believe she'd stay mad at him forever--this was Nell--but he could believe her when she said that she didn't have feelings for him. "I believe you," he reassured her. Maybe it was because he did or maybe it was just because he wanted so badly to believe her, but either way he was telling the truth. "I guess we've both got to just relax and trust one another, eh?" His lips twitched into a slight smile and he reached his hand across the table to lay it on hers for a moment in a momentary sign of affection.
Sensing that he now had an opening which he could seize for a chance to talk, Joshua leaned back slightly and thought about how to word what he was thinking. He wanted to reassure Nell even further that she could trust him, that he wasn't going anywhere, that he had nothing to hide. "I know a lot of people talk about me," he admitted, ducking his head as if accepting the weight of this fact. He had a history and the school knew about some of it, so it was only natural that they took this history and twisted into something monstrous and barbaric. Those most jealous of him would try and dissuade Nell from hanging around him, those that loved rumours would blow everything out of proportion and help it along. "And I know that the rumours about me aren't the most pleasant things," he added, lips twitching into a dry sort of smile. Oh, he was definitely aware of what people said about him and what they thought of him. All of the sexual rumours that circulated were probably the worst of them. He hated the idea that Nell had to listen to all that, had to have it thrown in her face and have people insist to her that her boyfriend was some kind of a manwhore. "But I want you to know that I'm not trying to hide anything from you." He frowned subtly and clasped his hands, resting his chin on them thoughtfully. "I want you to know that you can trust me."
Immediately Joshua held up a hand to stop her from protesting should she plan to. Just as it was getting easier for her to read him, he figured she might immediately start in with a 'but I do trust you'. He wanted Nell to know about him, everything she wanted to know. Joshua figured that maybe if she wasn't ignorant to the stupid things that he'd done then maybe she would understand that he wasn't trying to hide anything from her. However, not wanting to sit down and give her a complete life story involving every party he'd been to, every girl he'd slept with, every rumour circulating whether it be true or not, he said, "You deserve to know." He didn't immediately continue, but when he did his words were methodical. "Let's play another game of twenty questions," he suggested, figuring that this might be a good idea for them. They'd figured out mild and silly things about one another the first time, but now he'd let it become a little more serious. "I'm telling you right off the bat that you can ask me anything. Whatever you want to know. Whether it's embarrassing, ridiculous--even if it seems too personal, you can ask." Because he trusted her. His trust for Nell extended further than it ever had for anyone. So he was going to give her the opportunity to question him, in a sense, about anything she ever wondered about. "Don't worry, there's no need to return the favour. I trust you, so I'll go light." Chuckling a little to brighten the mood, he asked, "Are you superstitious at all?"
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 26, 2011 16:50:36 GMT -5
Nell didn’t expect Josh to get this jealous or concerned about their relationship. Well, she didn’t know what to expect exactly because she’d never done anything like this before. But she now wished she could have caught on to Drew sooner and stopped him, but he was her friend. She didn’t think he’d be one to hit on her and have a crush on her, so she just… God, you are so stupid. Josh probably did have a right to eavesdrop considerinf how oblivious his girlfriend was. She truly regretted not letting Drew down sooner. ”You really don’t have to worry about them,” she said in a placating tone. She had his trust, which was good. Trust was needed in a relationship, right? Even when Josh didn’t trust the other boys, she guessed it was all right. Their relationship wasn’t what you would call perfect, so these worries and suspicions could be easily justified. Even as Josh tried to reassure her, she continued to beat herself up for being so oblivious. But she decided to simply live and let live. She wouldn’t become paranoid of guys hitting on her, but she’d definitely make sure to look out for signs in case Josh happened to be lurking behind a nearby bookcase.
She smiled at his words, saying, ”We’re both pretty good at overreacting.” The fact that she hid behind the bar before Brittney even really started in on her flirting showed how much she overreacted. But she’d just been so worried that Josh might be lured away from her like an anglerfish with its shiny filament, she’d forgotten to actually trust him. It wasn’t like she was the most confident person out there, and she guessed Josh wasn’t either considering he’d freaked out about Drew. But it seemed she managed to reassure Josh with what she said, for which she was glad. No, she wasn’t skilled in the relationship area and neither of them really knew what they were doing, but they were still making it work. Which had to count for something, right? ”Well good, because I only speak the truth,” she said, her tone lighter now that she was sure of the fact that Josh had been pacified about the fact that she wasn’t about to leave him for Drew or someone else who seemed to be better for her. ”I guess so.” Her smile returning to her face when Josh touched her hand.
Nell watched curiously as he seemed to consider something, and she wondered if she’d get any studying done today at all. It seemed not, because Josh apparently wanted to talk about something else. She wanted to say something like, “That’s putting it lightly” or another joke to make light of it, but she was pretty sure that Josh of all people knew how bad the rumors could get. So she nodded mutely as he continued on, wondering what he was getting at. Honestly, she tried her best to ignore these rumors and not listen to them at all. But Drew seemed to be fine with reminding her of the fact that her boyfriend didn’t have the most admirable romantic past, something that worried her when girls like Brittney came along. It’s about trust. She couldn’t always be suspicious about Josh. That wouldn’t be a healthy relationship at all. ”Okay,” Nell said slowly when he said he didn’t want her to think he was hiding her.
And just as she was about to argue that she trusted him, he held up his hand as if predicting it. Nell was very much tempted to stick her tongue out at him, but she guessed that it would be easy to tell that she was hellbent on trusting him. She was surprised when he told her that she deserved to know. Wouldn’t boyfriends like to keep that sort of thing underwraps? It’s not like she really wanted to know what he’d done with other girls, and the topic made her somewhat uncomfortable. But, whatever he wanted, she supposed. If he wanted to tell her his history, she guessed that it was…okay. The game of twenty questions sounded fun, but she had a feeling it wouldn’t be like the last one they played. ”The same goes for me,” she said, fussing with her hair. ”I don’t really have many…er, rumors going around about things I’ve done, but…if you want to ask, it’ll be okay.” Since he wanted to be honest with her, she guessed she could return it. Even though she didn’t have a long list of lays to brag about, there was a lot that Josh didn’t know about her that she guessed he should know. But he apparently was going to take it easy on her, and like the last game, she really had to think about the superstitious question. ”Not really,” she said with a gentle shrug. ”I know Spaniards have some strange superstitions, though. Like Tuesday the thirteenth being the day for bad luck, and you’re not supposed to marry or board a ship on that day. But I don't really buy into that stuff.” The only superstitions she supposed she had was with her paper cranes, and that really wasn’t superstitious.
Now that it was her question, she played with her hair again, biting her lip. Josh said that she could ask him anything, but she wondered if the question she had in mind was too personal. She really didn’t know, but she hoped it was an okay thing to ask her boyfriend. ”When did you lose your virginity?” she blurted out quickly, and instantly after she felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Just as quickly as she asked, she amended, ”N-nevermind, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I can understand if that’s a little too personal. Just forget I asked!” She didn’t want Josh to think she was some kind of pervert or anything for wanting to know about it, but it was the first thing that came to mind.
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 26, 2011 17:13:29 GMT -5
Joshua was a little surprised when Nell offered to return the favour and allow him to ask things about her that he normally wouldn't find alright for the situation. Of course, it was not the same for both of them. He assumed that Nell was much, much more innocent than he was--hell, he was almost positive about it. There were a few things that he'd like to know, however. Things about her past and about what sort of person she'd been before they became acquainted. He wasn't going to ask too much of her, of course, but he was glad that he seemed to have her trust. "Thank you," he replied softly. "I'll keep that in mind." Nell started telling him about Spanish traditions and this honestly seemed to fascinate him, even managing to coax a rare grin onto his lips. It felt good to smile like this after all of that jealousy and he was glad that they hadn't let Drew come between them; or Brittney, for that matter. "Tuesdays? Is there any reason why?" He was used to the specifics of Friday the thirteenth being unlucky, not that Joshua had ever believed it himself. He'd broken a mirror and ran under ladders once for a dare. He was never quite sure whether the bad luck he was having was the result of superstitious truth or just a rotten thread on Fate's loom. Josh did not put much stock in things such as black cats and curses, though, so he always just passed it off as nothing. He was glad that he and Nell had that in common. Joshua'd always been a very serious person after all.
He supposed he should have expected such a question seeing as he'd opened up the floodgates for this sort of thing, but her inquiry about his virginity made Joshua flush slightly. The red tinge to his cheeks could barely be hidden by the ducking of his head, though Josh smirked a bit when Nell hastily amended her words. "No, it's alright," he said, raising his hands a little in a calming gesture. "I did say you could ask me anything." By anything he really had meant anything and this was encompassed within those bindings. What to tell her, however? How much was too much--if at all? Going with his usual 'honesty is the best policy in a relationship' motto, Joshua exhaled softly. "I was around eleven or twelve," he replied. "I don't my exact age because, well... I don't really remember it much at all if I'm to be honest." This was something he'd always been rather self-conscious about, though he didn't usually bring it up in casual conversation. Usually he faked it, said it was great and that he was sixteen or something. It was the reason sex had always mattered so little to him. "Probably wouldn't even have known it myself if some of the others at the party didn't go on about it for the next couple of hours." Members of the gang, of course, joking around about the loss of virginity and how hot the older girl had been. He didn't remember a thing except the morning. He suspected that someone had spiked the drinks with something and he'd just been an unlucky recipient.
Now it was his turn to be asking the questions. His cheeks had faded from their hot red colour about halfway through the explanation as he grew more comfortable talking about it. Nell was his girlfriend, that meant they could talk about that kind of thing right? Of course, there was still the fact that he'd been shocked to have her find him attractive when she'd walked in on him in his bedroom after the shower. He tried not to think about that as he mulled over a question. "What about religion?" he asked. It normally wasn't something that Josh cared about in other people but he figured if his girlfriend belonged to some sort of faith he might want to know about it. "If there's any, I don't know, rules to your faith or anything I figure now would be a good time as any to say." He chuckled a bit to show that he meant it in light humour. Joshua didn't have a faith. He was an Atheist, but at this point Nell could have been a damned Satanist and he would still have feelings for her. They'd plunged headlong into this relationship thing without asking these sorts of questions first but that was quite alright with him. He didn't care.
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Aug 26, 2011 18:30:45 GMT -5
Nell smiled when he seemed interested in hearing about her Spanish heritage. She really did like that she came from such culture, even though it was a connection to her family, and she was almost proud that Josh liked listening to her talk about it. ”I guess it’s just a cultural difference,” she said, looking off as if trying to think of a reason herself. ”There’s a lot of other strange ones, too. Like that you shouldn’t toast with water unless you want seven years of bad sex.” She laughed after saying this because she did find it strange herself. If she grew up in a strictly Hispanic home, things would have probably been different. She imagined that if she were raised by her grandparents, she would have turned out to be a completely different person. Thank god I just had to live with mama, she thought sardonically. ”Spaniards tend to be pretty superstitious because of the strict religious background they have.” She was sure that Josh would understand this, considering he was such a history buff. But she liked the fact that there were some things that you can only learn from people living in a certain country, rather than reading about them in a book.
Not sure if she really wanted to hear the answer to this question, it seemed Josh wanted to tell her anyway. Although, he did seem rather flustered as well. Maybe I jumped the shark just a little there. But she guessed she would have to grow used to Josh’s blunteness when it came to matters of sex. She wasn’t a prude, no—she was fine with talking about sex, even if she had the immature, giggly reaction. It was a little different talking about it with her boyfriend, especially when it came to him losing his virginity. ”Eleven or twelve?” she asked, the shock apparent in her voice. ”Did you know what sex even was?” The last part was more of a joke, but she was sincerely surprised that he’d lost it that young. He was probably in the sixth grade or something. Right out of elementary school. She wouldn’t judge him for it, though, considering that she didn’t know enough about the world to be sure this was a strange occurance. ”Isn’t losing your virginity like a pretty big deal? Worthy of a party or something?” Again, she was joking to make this seem a little less awkward, but she was still curious to know why he couldn’t remember…except for the fact that he’d been at a party. ”I’m guessing you were drunk?” she said. That made sense then. It wasn’t like she’d never gotten drunk before, so it was easy to see how he could forget something that was usually a big deal for people.
His next question was at least relatively easy to answer. ”I don’t have any sort of belief system, so you don’t have to worry about rule or anything,” she said. ”My parents were both Catholic but…they never pushed their beliefs on me or anything.” It was hard to explain how and why, but she guessed he could assume they weren’t very strict. Of course, her mother liked to use The Bible as a way to explain certain things she’d done to her daughter, and Nell guessed that’s why it made her a little wary to pull any morals from a book that played a part in her abuse. ”I guess you could say an atheist. Ever hear Imagine by John Lennon?” She was pretty sure he had, since it was such a popular song. ”I’d like to think of that as my belief system. You know, just sky above us and ground below. I don’t see why I need to focus on an afterlife if I’m having such a good time in the present.” Nell liked to live for the day, and not put a lot of merit into what came before or what comes next. Which is why she wasn’t so pleased with the stigma attached to atheists, that they were so bitter and jaded that they couldn’t believe in a god. She wasn’t like that, and yet she was pretty sure she could be described as an atheist.
It was her question again, and Nell didn’t know if she wanted to ask something so personal as she’d done before. But still, he seemed fine—and bluntly honest—with answering whatever questions she threw at him. Still, she couldn’t think of a lot of questions that wouldn’t turn out awkward even with her joking, so she asked, ”The rumors about you…do they bother you at all?” She knew she wouldn’t like people going on about her sex life like they knew her personally, but Josh was such a loner that she wasn’t sure. He even turned against his own element, which meant that he didn’t really pay too much mind when it came to what others thought. But still…no one could like hearing about their romantic history from other people, right?
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Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Aug 27, 2011 2:13:17 GMT -5
Joshua blinked as she told him about another one of the Spanish superstitions. Then, laughing, he said, "Right, well, that's me never trusting a glass of water again." Even though sex was a little bit of an awkward subject between them because he'd had so much experience with it and she had practically none at all, Josh could still find it in him to joke about this kind of thing. Besides, who would want seven years of bad sex no matter who you were? Bad sex was... well, it was bad, there really weren't any other words unless you counted things like 'terrible, wretched' the works. Again, not that he believed in this sort of ridiculous thing. He just found it funny to crack a joke about it and let her in on the fact that his humour was not lost just because of this Drew thing. "I knew of a little, but I didn't know it was quite so much," he admitted with a chuckle. The thought interested him. Joshua may not have been a people person but he did like learning about them from afar. He just didn't really like interacting with others because he wasn't good with conversation. Of course, sitting here and talking to Nell you'd never know the difference. She made him comfortable to the point where talking to her was no longer an effort, so Joshua didn't feel the need to freak out or get cold feet about chatting with her. He still remembered back to their awkward phase when neither of them had really talked much at all. Knowing how much Nell did like to talk, Joshua figured that this had mostly been his fault for being so stubborn and stoic all of the time.
He kind of assumed that Nell might be a little surprised by his age--that was why he didn't usually talk about this kind of thing. Then she pointed out the exact reason that he was so ashamed of talking about it. He didn't remember any of it. Practically anywhere you turned, your 'first time' was supposed to be special. Everyone said that you never forgot it but Joshua's problem was that the memory was never there to begin with. He tried to brush it off and pretend that it didn't matter but on the inside it made him feel a bit sick and left out. What had it been like? What had it felt like? I was probably horrible at it, he thought to himself, a running joke he'd always had. He had only been young, after all. Ever since that night he'd never given a damn about having sex because he didn't have that significant 'first time' to compare it to. Sucked, really. "It's supposed to be," he shrugged when Nell asked him. "Not for me." He wondered if she thought of him any differently now that she knew he didn't have any recollection of it at all. "I was definitely drunk," he nodded. He really wished he hadn't been. Of course, at the mere age of eleven or twelve he probably wouldn't have been confident enough to do that sort of thing sober. Joshua had long since lost his sense of innocence and prude attitude before that night thanks to the conversations of the gang, but his virginity? That was something else. He really wished he'd been mentally aware enough to remember that. "What's gone is gone," he said, waving a hand as if to say that it didn't bother him. By the expression on his face it was obvious that it did.
He was glad that Nell was not religious and that it would not be forced to come between their relationship, but Joshua was also intrigued by the way she explained her mindset. "I've heard the song," he confirmed, smiling a little. "It sounds like a good way to exist." Not that his beliefs were much different than hers. Even though she hadn't asked him, Joshua decided that it might be a good idea for him to return the favour and explain that they were in the same boat here. "I was raised agnostic, I suppose. My parents were never devout but they never tried to drill the idea that there was no 'god' into me. They just sort of lived and let live and I accepted my lack of faith on my own terms." He simply could not believe there was a god so twisted and merciless that he would let murderers go free and innocent lives be tainted with. He was not talking about himself. Nell, maybe. He may not have known details but from what she'd said thus far he could guess that she'd been through a lot. "I don't believe in an afterlife either." It was a bit depressing if you thought on it for too long--once you were gone, you disappeared forever. Once your loved ones were buried in the ground you would never see them again. A bleak existence, certainly. But Josh could bring himself to believe nothing else.
She asked about the rumours next. Joshua was glad that Nell seemed to be taking his offer seriously when it came to asking as many and as personal questions as she felt like coming up with. "I'd be lying if I said they didn't," he replied. He wasn't going to go with his usual 'I'm fine' mantra because Nell knew him well enough by now that it probably wouldn't sit well with her. Besides, honesty. That was what this whole game was supposed to be about this time around and Joshua had every intention of keeping it that way. "The fake ones just make me laugh," Joshua further explained. "It's like if they went around telling everyone you had an extra nose. They're usually ridiculous and so unbelievable that only an idiot would put any stock in them." Joshua was not so completely self-conscious about himself that he couldn't brush off rumours. Hell, he'd been brushing them off all his life. It had just slowly went from rumours about how much of a nerd he was to rumours about his sexuality and finally to sexual rumours themselves. He was less worried about the rumours themselves, however, than about what Nell thought of him when she heard them. "It's the ones with some fabrication of truth--however small--that really bother me. I can't say I'm ashamed of my past, it's just... uncomfortable when others hear about it." He hoped she realised that he was including her within these others. Not to make her uncomfortable or anything, he just wanted to make that clear. "Just know that most of them are exaggerated. I've never gotten anyone pregnant, I've never sexually assaulted anyone--hell, no--and it's always been a mutual... erm, agreement." He'd never be comfortable with taking advantage of someone. "My turn, now," he said. "What sort of schooling did you have before the Academy?"
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