go on, strip me of my power , [tagged: nell!]

Nell crouched down on her knees, peering underneath the couch. ”Really, Pablo, you want to watch the news so bad?” she said, and turned back to look at the cat who had batted the remote underneath the couch. Like any lazy human being, Nell wasn’t going to get up and change the channel herself. No, she was going to try and ninja slide her hand underneath the couch to try and get it out. Sighing, she sat back up on her knees and told the kitten, "You’re the one who batted it under there, you should be the one getting it out.” But Pablo was quickly distracted by a dust bunny moving across the floor, and he used that at his new play thing as she went back to trying to worm her way underneath the couch and pull out the remote.

But she stopped in her attempts when she heard a familiar name issuing from the television. Sitting back up, she looked over at the screen as more words were spoken from the news anchor. Joshua Dale and sexual assault. Oh god. He was in jail. Now the television had her complete attention, and she sat down on the couch, dumbfounded as she listened to the details. Of which, there were none. They apparently didn’t have enough yet to release to the public, but what she heard was enough. He was just a trouble magnet. But more important than her exasperation was what he had been charged for. Could she believe that Josh would do something like that?

No.

Of course not. Even with the circumstances under which they met, she still couldn’t think that he’d be so low. Because he had the opportunity to rape her, and yet he didn’t. Plus, she knew him. He was a good guy underneath all the asshole behavior. He’d gotten the kitten currently rolling around with an almost invisible piece of dust. I know him. And he was apparently her ‘boyfriend’ now, and whatever that entailed. She still didn’t really understand. But it didn’t take her long to decide that she couldn’t believe that Josh had done what they were accusing him of. After all, the last time they were arrested, it was because he’d panicked about the gun and he was trying to keep her from getting into trouble. It could just be an honest mistake. Back in the states they were condemning her for first-degree murder, which was not true at all. So to say she had little faith in the law was putting it lightly.

But then came another dilemma, and that was what Nell should do. He was in jail, and the memory of what it was like caused enough of a physical affect that she nearly choked up. She didn’t want him to have to go through that again. It was a terrible place, and she believed only the lowest of the low should be sentenced to it. Josh was not the lowest of the low. Still, what was there that she could do? Bail him out. The thought had been a joke at first, but then she really began to consider it. Wouldn’t his parents take care of that? He was still supposed to be grounded, at least she thought… She honestly didn’t know. Nell decided that it didn’t matter. She had to do something. She didn’t want him to waste away in jail for a crime she couldn’t believe that he committed.

It only took a few moments to grab her car keys and make her way to the police station, stopping at the convenience store’s ATM, because she wasn’t sure if jails accepted credit cards. Hey daddy, your money is going toward bail for someone you don’t like. She didn’t want to dwell on the satisfaction of the fact, because she was more concerned about Josh right then. Even though she should be really concerned that a police station was probably the worst place for her to be. She was a fugitivve living under false pretense, and she was walking into the danger zone as she entered the station. But she was all smiles as she said she was there to post bail for Joshua Dale to one of the officers. Apparently, his parents hadn’t come to bail him out, and she didn’t know whether or not to be surprised. It took only a few papers and a handing over of money before they said that he’d be released into her custody. Nell was at least proud that she managed not to break down and confess to her own crimes as she waited, feeling incredibly uncomfortable in this place.

When they brought Josh out, she immediately pounced on him with questions. ”Josh, are you okay?” was her first one, asked with wide eyes as she tugged on his arm as if this would urge him to answer her. Her next question got to the heart of the matter, however. ”The hell happened, why were they talking about you on the news…and…and sexual assualt?” Nell was shaking her head, face full of confusion. She honestly couldn’t believe it, refused to believe that he’d done anything like that. Which is why she even came down there in the first place, and risk anything happening to her to post bail. ”C’mon, let’s get out of here,” she said, nodding toward the door and wanting to get the hell out before some detector went off and everyone in the station learned that she was a fugitive.

Nell attempted a smile at him when he questioned what she was doing there. ”Posting your bail, of course,” She smiled a little wider when he realized that it had been her to bust him out of his cell, even though she shouldn’t have been smiling because he sounded so terrible and nervous. Dammit, Josh, why do you have to get yourself in trouble so much? Of course, she wasn’t mad at him. How could she be mad when he’d just had to suffer through another night in jail? Maybe because he was accused of sexual assault. No, she refused to believe it, that he actually did what they said. Maybe it was naivete to go believing in him so easily, but she trusted him more than she trusted anyone else and she wasn’t about to suddenly doubt him because the law she didn’t trust called him into question. Nell nodded as he said that he’d explain once they were away from the hellhole of a police station, and she hoped she’d never have to go back there again. Never ever, ever. But if Josh kept on getting into trouble like this…

Looking up at him curiously when he cut himself off after speaking about his parents, she was surpised to hear him curse them out. She shook her head when he stopped himself from talking about whatever his father did, and she shook her head. ”It’s all right, really. I’m guessing your father didn’t post bail for you?” After all, she half-expected him to already be out by the time she’d gotten there, but if he’d called his father and he didn’t do anything, that meant that his father did not come down to help him out. Did he believe that his son did what the news was accusing him of? And was it strange that she was the one to believe him instead of the man who raised Josh? She didn’t have time to mull this over before he suggested that they go to a less inhabited spot. ”Yeah, sure, sure,”

Josh seemed pretty angry with his father, as she guessed he should be. After all, parents were supposed to take care of you and shelter you, not leave you to rot in jail. Nell honestly didn’t know what to think about that. She didn’t know the dynamic of their relationship or how real parents acted. Was it normal for a father to not post bail for his son? She just didn’t know. And it wouldn’t work comparing it to the situation with her own father. He was going to have her deported the next time she landed in jail. Yeah, she could definitely understand rage toward fathers. It seemed that neither of their fathers were doing good in the parenting department. He seemed to be struggling when he apologized and she tilted her head. After a sigh, she said, ”And again, I really don’t mind. At all.” She didn’t mind listening to him ranting and ravign about his father, since he had every right to be mad at the man right now. In her mind, there was no doubt of his innocence, and so it was pretty inconceivable that Donovan though the complete opposite. She’d be angry, too.

It would have been almost comical, the fact that he seemed like he was about to pass out, but this was a serious situation. She waited for him to recover, a little worried that he would fall over right in front of her. And then she’d have to call the hospital, where his father worked and she didn’t know whether that would be a good or bad thing for Josh. Eventually, he went on to say that he didn’t know, and she nodded, ready to believe him like the naïve girl she was. It was not too good of a thing, this complete trust she had for him, but it was what she felt and it pushed every doubt out of her mind. But then he went to say that he did know and he brought up the one particular incident she was sure both of them would rather forget about. Nell let him continue without interruption, until he came to the part about her being pregnant. ”Josh, that was months ago. And you just found out that she wasn’t pregnant? I think…she would have started showing by now.” Maybe guys didn’t understand stuff like that, but she didn’t dwell on it as he continued, telling her that Angel was taking advantage of him for money. It sounded kind of funny, a guy like Josh being taken advantage of by a girl, but she couldn’t laugh about something that was so terrible. Who would do something like that? You. Oh Jesus, she was taking advantage of her father for his money, and she was just as bad as Angel, and she was never ever going to tell Josh this detail. I have good reason, and he doesn’t miss it, he hasn’t even brought it up, she said to defend herself in her mind.

These thoughts were forced aside by Josh’s voice and his explanations of his…drunken escapades. Right. She nodded through his winded explanations, the cogs of her mind working to piece the story together. So he was drunk and slept (or not) with her and she lied about being pregnant. ”You panicked, that’s understandable.” Well, she didn’t understand that much since she’d never been put in that kind of position before. A position that really, really sucked. To add to that, this chick was apparently stalking him now, and she shivered thinking about it. And then Josh was apologizing again, and she shook her head, but waited for him to stop before saying anything. Noticing he was shaking, she sighed again and a smile played across her lips. ”It’s all right and I believe everything you say. Really. I never would have thought that you could do what the media was saying, even before hearing the truth from you. I mean, back in America, I’m a cold-blooded killer. If anyone knows how screwed up the law is, it’s me.” She scratched the back of her head, realizing she’d gone off on a bit of a tangent. ”But yeah. I trust you more than I trust the Canadian legal system.“ And that was that, end of story, period. Nothing could change how she felt about Josh, especially not something she didn’t believe in.

Nell’s features softened in sympathy with his plight. ”If you just told him what you told me…” Okay, maybe it wasn’t too good an idea to tell his father that he’d gotten so drunk that he couldn’t remember getting a girl pregnant. But really, it wasn’t Josh’s fault that Angel lied and got him arrested because she was upset that he’d left. And that she was lying this entire time. She threatened him, right? How coud his father not be merciful after hearing something like that? You don’t know the situation. She decided it might be best not to ask or say anything more involving his father, because she was ignorant to how they worked. Speaking of fathers, Josh just had to bring up the money… ”Uh…Papa’s rich,” she said simply, though a blush heated her cheeks from how ashamed of herself she was. Just like Angel, she was using a man for his money. But this passive aggressive revenge on her part. Completely justified, right? She held up her hand as he said that he’d owe her. ”Don’t worry about it. It’s not my money, after all. And honestly, he can live without a few bucks. He won’t miss it.” Since she’d been putting a constant drain on his bank account like a spoiled little brat. He owes me for more than money can by, it is completely justified. She smiled and shook her head, looking off when he said that it was stupid of her to do that. ”I knew that going in but…obvious stupidity never stopped me before.” She laughed a bit at his next words, the sound airy. ”I’m glad I did it, too.” Even though it could have gotten me imprisoned. Neither of them needed to be reminded of that.

Nell of course hadn’t meant to make Josh feel like some kind of idiot, she was still just trying to process the information he’d told her. It was kind of a big deal, considering the fact that this was a part of Josh’s life she had no clue about. So she nodded when Josh explained, and in the back of her mind some little voice told her how comical it was that Angel stuffed like a girl stuffing her bra, but this wasn’t a funny situation so it didn’t fully register. Right now, she was just a little freaked out about this chick. Okay, maybe not a little. Maybe a lot. But she listened to him nontheless as she made sense of this all. ”I can see how you would believe her, after she went through all that.” Unfortunately, Nell knew something about forging about papers and could understand how easy it was for someone fake something like that. And Josh acknowledged just how frightening it was for someone to do that, to lie about a pregnancy to take him money. ”Yeah, I’m starting to think maybe she’s the one that should be in jail. Stalking is a crime, right? And lying about a pregnancy to drain you of money might be one too. In any case…scary is right.” Still not understanding exactly how crimes and all those things worked, she didn’t know exactly what he could get Angel for. She just wanted to help her boy?friend, because she had a hard time just imagining how crazy it must have been for him.

As usual, Nell couldn’t find any reason not to believe Josh. Because she was so adamant in the belief that he was a good person. Underneath the temper problems and all the other problems covering him up, she honestly believed him to be a decent human being. More decent than the law system she believed to be corrupted, that she refused to believe both because of her distrust and her faith in Josh. ”Of course,” she said because it was just that easy. She still didn’t know some of the details, but she trusted Josh and that made all the difference. Even if he was accused of murder, she’d give him the benefit of the doubt. He’d given her the benefit of the doubt, after all. And she didn’t think he was like that, just like she didn’t think he was a rapist. Even after he told her he used to be a gangbanger and had a gun, she found it a simple task to believe him. Nell smiled softly at his protest, even though sometimes she wondered about herself. It was easy to believe in him, it was a different story to believe in herself. She was so terrified of what she could become (namely her mother) and the fact that she was already a murderer didn’t help. But this was about Josh and his problems with this crazy chick and not hers with the law back in the states. She would really not like to think about that. ”It seems to be what we do best,” she said with a small smile. More Josh, considering he was the one who kept getting arrested. But it wasn’t like she wasn’t in constant state of law breaking. And as much as she wanted to be a good person, she didn’t quite believe the law to be the best institution.

At the ready with more ways to try to get through to his father, she bit her lip to stop from saying anything that would sound stupid since she didn’t know their relationship. There was the desperate need to help Josh, and yet there wasn’t anything she could directly do. Well, save for bailing him out of jail when his parents wouldn’t. ”Right,” she said quietly. She didn’t really understand how much it was affecting him, but it had to hurt, right? He and his father had a relationship like a father and child should, and it sucked that she couldn’t be a better advice giver or anything. She hated feeling powerless like this, but this was Joshua and his family and she had no part in it. But something she did know about was her father, and her relationship with him. Nell was glad he made no argument about paying her back and she told him, ”No, he’s uh…he’s trying to help me out in his own way, so he’s cool with it. I guess.” Well this was pretty awkward for her. Yeah, he father had given her a credit card to help her out and try to repay her through materialistic means for everything he did—or didn’t—do. Nell was trying to teach him some kind of bitter little lesson by spending all that money. Yet, she had to keep convincing herself that she wasn’t a complete jerk by doing it. ”But thanks for that. He can be…troublesome. But I don’t’ think he’s anything to worry about in this case.” Especially since he didn’t know a lot about her own personal life and what she did, no matter how much he tried to weasel his way in. Maybe if she wasn’t so bitter, it could have been easy for the both of them, but she constantly angry at him. And even though she’d love to help Josh out whenever he needed, and she’d let him rant her ear off anytime, she did not want to burden him with her own daddy issues.

Looking on curiously, she tried to decipher what was going on in his head as he fell into a silence. This task was—as usual—completely fruitless and vain. There was no way to figure him out, and yet it was total trust on her part. She found some irony in that, but she didn’t care. It just came back again to the fact that she liked him too much to find any terrible faults in what he did. At his muttered words, she tilted her head. ”Josh, you really don’t have to, I mean…it was my decision to come down here. I wasn’t expecting anything in return.” But her arguments apparently fell on deaf ears, because the next thing she knew his lips were on hers and she didn’t know when the heck that happened. The only thing she really understood was that this was her first kiss, and it wasn’t bad at all. Nooe, she didn’t think she could complain, even though she had no idea what she was doing. Nell pressed her lips against his, feeling her cheeks heat up. She didn’t know if this was going too fast or too slow, despite the amount of research she’d done. Nervous about this entire thing, she didn’t want to slip up and do something wrong. But she was glad that Josh wasn’t pushing anything because she’d also been nervous about him. He’d been with lots of other girls, and she had a feeling that she just wouldn’t compare thanks to her naivete. But he’d shown no signs of going beyond what she was comfortable with, and for that she was thankful. Still reeling a bit from the shock when he pulled away, she noticed that he was blushing too and at least she wasn’t the only one here. Nell would have commented on the fact that it was cute, but she was just a little breathless. ”Yeah, sure. Uh, yeah…you have a good way of expressing gratitude,” she said, giving him a thumbs up and laughing uncertainly.

”Threatening…messages…” she repeated, eyes wide. Sweet baby Jesus, this chick was nuts. She felt terrible for Josh having to deal with that, someone so horrible and icky. She shook her head a bit to clear it of the creeped out shock she felt, and said, ”No…yeah, evidence is good.” Disturbing evidence was even better. She didn’t want to imagine having to deal with someone like that. But you can. There was her aunt the one time she’d gotten hold of her number—and she still hadn’t forgiven her father for even that much—and her threats were very, very real. But she wasn’t creepy so much as goddamn infuriating. Angel was just something else. She wanted to be the optimist and say the police will definitely listen to his side of the story, but her preconceptions of law made her a bit more doubtful. But still, she felt the need to say, ”Sure they’ll listen to your side.” But inside, she was thinking of how no one had cared about her side. But his family wasn’t obstructing justice, right? Hey, that’s a crime. She pushed these thoughts aside when he brought up the fact that the evidence was at his house. Right. Well, a change of plans would be better. ”Your parents are more reliable than the police, so that’s good. They’d be more inclined to listen to you than anyone else.” Please, please, please let her be right for once. Even so, she knew she wasn’t, because his parents were pissed at him. But he was their son, that had to make a differene. Oh look, another string of hope she can cling to. ”When is she coming back? You can tell her then.” Trish seemed really nice, aside from the whole grounding thing. Parents do it all the time, Nell, stop it.

She wasn’t aware that both of them were feeling their way through this situation, the whole relationship thing, and so she was curious as to why Josh was blushing too. On her part, she simply assumed that since he slept around that he must also have had a lot experience with actually dating people. Therefore, he shouldn’t have been as awkward as her. Right? Or maybe this was how it should be, the whole awkward, funny feeling she had right then. Like butterflies in her stomach and awkwardness all over the place. Her research didn’t say anything about that. Jeez, you’re becoming just like Josh. But how else was she supposed to know about this stuff? She could ask her girl friends, but she didn’t want to seem naïve around them to. So now she was left wondering what they hell she was doing here. And she just wasn’t aware of the fact that Josh was having much the same problem, but she was clued in since he was acting all awkward too. Are all relationships like this, or is it just us? In any case, she was joking right back, saying, ”They definitely are.” She was okay with kissing, she guessed. It must have been the fact that it was a whole new experience and she was feeling more like a fish out of water than ever that had her so flushed and embarrassed. ”We should do this again sometime,” was her own attempt at a pathetic joke, accompanied by the same light laughter and the same heat coloring her cheeks.

Moving past that, Nell was overjoyed at the prospect of fun. Fun was good. Fun wasn’t jail. ”All right,” she agreed, looking at him expectantly since it seemed he had something in mind. And when he pulled out his wallet, she was blown away by his words. So she wasn’t the only passive aggressive asshole in existence? How reassuring. Listening to his plan for spending mass amounts of money, Nell said, ”Sounds like a great plan to me. Spending out of spitefulness, I’m guessing?” Please, please, please let it be that. Just so she knew that she wasn’t being a complete dirtbag in spending as much money of her father’s as possible. That was what Josh was planning to do, right? Grinning at Josh as he listed of things they could spend money on, she said in a mock infomercial salesman tone, ”We can do all that, and more!” Way to be awesomely corny, Nell, way to be. She gave him a sly look. ”I’m more than comfortable,” she said. She was freaking enthusiastic about spending more of her father’s money. You’re a terrible, terrible person. But in that case, so was Josh. But it wasn’t the same, she told herself. He was pissed at his father right now because he wouldn’t bail him out of jail—somehow that seemed more okay to her than spending a man’s money because he left the family and thought he could find his way back into her life through materialistic means. No matter how much she justified it, she knew she shouldn’t be doing it. She should confront her father about it all. But whenever she tried, she ended up getting so pissed off that she just stomped away. Absurd amounts of spending was a good way to channel her bitterness.

The more the merrier? ”That’s my favorite kind of logic.” She had her own credit card and extra cash in her pocket from the ATM. Of course, she had to go into her father’s account quite a few times since it only gave out five hundred dollar bills at a time. Her father would probably notice that, but he hadn’t questioned her so far. And she knew that he probably thought he was actually getting through to her, which made her feel a little worse about the entire situation. The fact that he wasn’t even saying anything to her worried the girl a bit, but she didn’t dwell on it. Their relationship was scewed up enough as it is without her putting so much thought into it. ”We can start with the mall and raid it. Most of my money will be going toward the food court, no surprise there.” She also would go and get some clothes probably, anything to join in on Josh’s crazy money spending. ”You wanna walk there, because I can just leave my car here.” Josh definitely did not need to experience a ride inside her PT Cruiser. That would probably just scar him for life.

Josh’s descriptions were not helping Nell out, and even though the weather was warm, she felt very cold. It took several mouth movements where nothing came out before she managed a distressed, ”How many people do you have after you, Josh, because I’m really worried.” Her eyes were plates in her head. First he had the whole gang business, which was bad enough in itself since he almost died and now he had a psycho stalker? He just seemed to pull trouble toward him like a magnet. And still, Nell didn’t think once that maybe she shouldn’t be around him for her own safety. She was more worried about Josh than what could happen to her getting involved with a guy like him. ”Let me listen…to the messages,” she repeated slowly, which she seemed to be doing a lot. I would certainly appreciate the nightmares, thanks. ”Sure, I guess that’s fine…” But none of this was fine, at all. It was very, very disturbing and wrong and creepy. She didn’t know that Josh could get himself into shit like this, she didn’t know whether to be impressed or frightened. Especially since this basically came out of nowhere, and it apparently had been going on for a while. She guessed she should have known better, since he was so good at keeping secrets. ”Well, all right. That’s good, I guess.” Or maybe not, she didn’t know. She didn’t know how any of this would work out.

Okay, good, she wasn’t alone in the asshole thing. But she wasn’t about to admit that out loud to Josh, oh no. Just because they were similar in that aspect didn’t make her feel like any less of a jerk about it. ”Spitefulness is the best reason to go on a shopping spree,” she said matter-of-factly. It was the reason for her sprees after all. The question of her spending lots of money, well… ”When the mood is right,” she said noncommittally but the half-smile revealed that it was supposed to be a joke. When it came to her father, yes, very much so. But even then, she used her own money to pay for living expenses. She wasn’t going to slide by in life with her father’s money. She just used it for the excess stuff. That way she knew she was surviving on her own while still getting all the revenge she wanted. Just as Josh was about to do. Nell snorted about the Patrick comment. Well, he was obviously not as gay as his grandfather said considering he had a girlfriend. And she was ver sure about the whole girl part, even though she was still wondering about being a girlfriend. But she guessed it wasn’t too hard to understand. She could get the hang of it, right? ”As long as I’m getting rid of some money, of course it’ll be fun.” Did that sound bad? It probably did, but she didn’t really care.

Nell was greatly amused when he corrected himself about the strip. Because she did know what it meant in the sense that it was a lot of stores put together. ”So we’re not going to a strip club? Too bad,” she joked, even though she really didn’t know what a strip club actually was (she had a general idea). Should she ask, or would that be weird. Motioning with her hands, she asked, ”Uhh…what is a strip club exactly, Josh?” She'd never actually been inside one after all, but she'd heard the term used before, just without context. Anyway, quickly moving on from another thing she barely had a clue about, she thought about what the strip actually was like. Nell found it hard to kick her frugal habits when trying to spend as much as possible. She’d been concerned with finding the cheapest things for so long, it was now more or less a habit for her. A habit she should really kick if she was going to ruin her father. Way to be bitter. ”A sundae? Or do you mean three or four?” She grinned, remembering the things she’d learned about him in their game of twenty questions, his sweet tooth being one of them. It was still funny to think of Josh as having a sweet tooth. ”I’m a very bad influence. Or maybe my eating habits are contagious. Either way you should watch out before you start eating vast quantities of sea salted french fries.” Maybe she wasn’t that into fast food since she tried her best to stay healthy, but it was pretty darn hard to resist.

Nell was very happy about being able to walk. It was pretty nice out after all, and a car ride would mean her apologizing the entire time about the fact that her car sucked instead of holding an actual conversation. The mall came up quickly, though, and she left Josh in charge with directions and all that. Big buildings with lots of rooms was like a trap built especially for her. ”Speak for yourself, mister, I always have room for…well, everything.” Nell was basically always hungry, and there was no need to point that out since Josh was already very much aware of how much damage she could do. When she got herself two baconators, she wondered if she should be eating so much meat around Josh or if he thought that to be insensitive. But she always needed to get at least two burgers, no matter how huge they were. Nell would have suggested he’d gotten more than fries if he wanted to make a dent, but considering fast food places didn’t necessarily cater to vegetarians, she figured he wouldn’t be able to get much more. ”You should have gotten two sodas,” she chastised after finishing her first burger in record speed. She sighed, shaking her head. ”That’s the downfall of getting fast food, unfortunately. It’s just too cheap.” But apparently Josh had really wanted his fries. Now that she thought about it, there was a lot of irony in the fact they were disappointed in the cheapness of the food. ”I guess that’s where you’ll really do your damage,” she teased Josh, wondering if he could be as bad as her with his sweets.

‘Just them and her’ like it wasn’t a lot of people at all, even though it was still pretty terrifying. But she still believed him when he said that, finding no reason for him to be hiding anyone else. Because it wasn’t normal for one person to have so many people after them, and one more would be quite astounding. Of course, she had people after her but they weren’t stalkers or gang affiliated. Well, there is Jane, but— She shook her head a little bit to keep her mind from going anywhere else when he was trying to assure her that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed because this chick was basically all talk. ”Oh jeez, forgot about the whole mansion security deal,” she said, feeling momentarily like an idiot. Right, big houses with nice things usually had cameras and electric gates and shit like that. As for the gang, she was about to ask who it was that sold him out, but that thought was quickly brushed aside when he said he didn’t even know who they were. And again, she believed him. Benefit of the doubt and all. ”Okay then,” she said slowly, though there was still apprehension working its way through her gut. ”You sure you’ll be all right though?”