|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Jul 16, 2011 1:40:16 GMT -5
Nell laid on her couch, just waiting for her father to come over. It was going to happen. Since Josh threw her phone…well, she assumed it was into the lake despite his vague answer to her question, she hadn’t talked to her father. And he wouldn’t last long without talking to her. In their relationship, it was starting to feel like he was the child who always needed to be around her. He was overbearing, really, and she knew it was to make up for leaving her. But she didn’t want it, and she’d told him but he still didn’t get it. So now she was just waiting for the knock on her door, and wondering how she could speak to him after what he did to her. She couldn’t wholly blame him for her collapse—most of it had been her fault—but he had a big part in it.
She had played hooky that day, not wanting to have to deal with the war anymore and basically giving up. Nell could barely bring herself to walk over to the fridge and eat. For once in her life, she actually didn’t feel like eating. She simply wasn’t hungry. It was rather disconcerting, but she was just too exhausted to focus on it for long. So she simply carried herself to the couch, dressed in sweats and her appearance reflecting her insides quite well. Overall, she felt numb. Empty. All those words that describe what one should have felt like after breaking down, she guessed. Like she was frayed at the edges. Sometimes she’d cry when she thought too hard about something, but it was quiet. It was nothing like the deluge that had come before. She was terrified and hurt and all kinds of things, but she was much too exhausted and empty.
I killed my mother. I’m going to prison. She kept on going over these thoughts in her head until she got used to them, but she never did. Now that they were out in the open, she thought she might as well play ring-around-the-rosy with them. She’d abused me my entire life. My sister died because I wouldn’t get help. She was realizing too many things now, and the fact that she could have saved her sister had she just reached out choked her up. Her cheeks seemed to be permanently splotchy now. Or rather she assumed, since she didn’t feel like looking in the mirror.
At least the damn phone is gone.
Is that really the only thing she had left to cling to? The fact that Josh eliminated contact with the outside world? And she felt really alone now, and didn’t know what to do with herself. She wanted someone to be with her, someone who will listen to her, but she knew that was selfish. No one wanted to hear anyone else’s sob stories. And who could sympathize with a murderer like her? Who would even want to be near her? Her family certainly did it. Now her lovely Aunt Jane was apparently coming up at her father’s request, the same woman who threatened his daughters since the day they were born and screwed up her mother even more. He was going to let her come near Nell. He was doing awesome at this parenting thing.
Shifting up a little, she reached over to the box that held her paper cranes and square pieces of paper. They were a mild form of comfort, she supposed, but she just folded over the paper mechanically as she’d been doing for years. 800. Soon she’d get to one-thousand, and then what? What would she wish for? Everyone to be happy and healthy, of course. God, she was so naïve. A part of her believed that yes, there was something in the myth about paper cranes. But she didn’t know exactly what to believe. And her mind had short-circuited, so there was no help.
Laying back down on the couch, she held up one of the cranes by its wing and studied it. I let my sister die. I could have run away with her. She guessed back then she’d really been mature in knowing there was nothing two little girls could do on their own. But at least she didn’t do what her aunt had and just left her sister at her parents’ mercy. Even though her mother would hurt her and Nell was terrified, she would not leave her twin with that woman. Because she was supposed to protect her. Did a great job, too. And all she could do now was wallow and sink lower and do absolutely nothing. Nell—the girl who could not sit still or be in an enclosed space for too long—did not want to move. She had crashed and burned, just like those paper cranes ten years back.
|
|
|
|
Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Jul 16, 2011 3:25:50 GMT -5
Returning home had been lovely.
When he had walked up to the gates, Joshua realised he hadn't planned at all what he was going to say to his father, how he was going to skirt around the fact that he'd defied him openly, sneered at him, and then went against a direct demand in getting his mother to open the gate for him. He was disconcerted by the fact that the gates just swung open shortly after he pressed the button to contact the house, no words or anything spoken. Uh oh. He got chills, but walked through nonetheless. He tried the door and found it unlocked, the house feeling empty as he stepped inside, like something out of a horror film. Don't be ridiculous, he chided himself, though he'd never thought of the grand foyer as so unwelcoming in the past. Nervous, he wasn't even halfway up the left staircase when his father spoke from behind him.
"Welcome back, Joshua. How was your bus trip?" His tone was snide and mocking, but it carried that air of faked politeness as well, faked interest. Josh knew he was in trouble. He'd dealt with his father before and these moods were never good. "It was--" He started to respond as if he suspected nothing, but he was cut off immediately, "Living room. Now." Joshua thought about arguing the adult versus child thing again--'You can't order me around!'--but seeing as that was how this whole thing had started, he figured that it wouldn't be that great of an idea. Instead, he stayed silent but descended the stairs and followed his father into the living room. His mother was sitting on the very edge of the couch--she smiled at him in an attempt to deflect it, but her eyes were rimmed red like she'd been crying. I swear, if he hit her--! But if Donovan had struck Joshua's mother, there were no marks to show for it. He sat down and winced slightly when his father remained standing, glaring him down.
"Well?"
Josh swallowed nervously, not exactly sure what he was looking for. An apology? An excuse? But Donovan didn't let him say anything regardless, immediately launching into a scolding rant. "You've got some nerve showing up on my doorstep again, boy. I told you that you were to stay home, and you directly disobeyed me." Josh made the mistake of starting to protest. "I--" He was cut off immediately. "Silence, Joshua. I will not listen to it." He debated another challenge, but it was a lot harder to think about being disobedient when his father's gray eyes were boring into his own. Backing down as always, he ducked his head a little and allowed the man to continue. He could see his mother watching him from the corner of his eye, biting her lip and looking distressed. But they both knew that arguing with Donovan was nigh on impossible. He continued for a long moment on exactly how enraged and disrespectful his son's behaviour was, until he'd twisted Joshua's own opinion of the matter so much that he felt bad about it, rather than what it should have been--the other way around. He finally finished with a sharp, "What do you have to say for yourself?" and this time actually waited for an answer. Joshua cringed, immediately swatting down his pride. "I'm sorry, sir," he said quietly. "I won't do it again." And what had he done, really, but stick up for himself? Still, to Donovan this did not matter. "No, you won't. And you won't be going out again for a while."
- - -
This sucked. It absolutely sucked. Nineteen years old and he was practically being grounded like a little kid. He resisted the urge to punch a hole through the wall, knowing this would get him into even more trouble than he was already in. At least Donovan hadn't confined him to his room or locked up the library like he used to do when Josh was a child, but it was bad enough knowing that he wasn't allowed to go out save for school. He had noticed Nell was missing and was severely worried, but because he had thrown her phone into the lake, there wasn't anything he could do to get in contact with her. Apparently she wasn't dead, else the war would have been called off, but he was still wondering about her absence. Had the police caught up with her? God, it was so weird to suddenly understand something about Nell that others probably did not--hell, she wasn't even aware that he knew. What'll... what'll I do if she doesn't come back? And that wasn't something he wanted to think about at the moment.
He could have just gone over to her house--he'd been there once or twice to study and all that--if he wasn't so terrified of what his father might do if he found out. Donovan hadn't hit Joshua like the boy had been expecting, but that was likely only due to the intervention of his mother in the room. He hadn't understood why she was sitting there until now. Sighing in frustration and unable to sit still, Joshua paced the floor of his room rhythmically. He wasn't forbidden from his library and yet it felt like he was, like stepping foot past the threshold with the dark cherry floorboards would be violating some sacred law. He felt the same about being in a room with his father. Donovan wouldn't say anything, and Joshua would just shrink away from him and try to finish whatever he was doing as quickly as possible. He felt like a coward, and yet he couldn't help it. All of these thoughts and more swam around in his brain as he continued his pacing, until finally the door open and he froze like a deer in the headlights, expecting to see his father glaring in at him.
Instead he found himself facing his mother. "Joshua, honey, you're going to put a hole in your carpet," she said gently. He apologised meekly and couldn't meet her gaze, mentally kicking himself. "Can I come in?" He just nodded once and sat down on the edge of his bed, deflating. She sat beside him and put an arm around his shoulders like she used to do when he was a small child and upset over something. He remembered the last time they'd been in this situation it had been Josh comforting her. Pay it forward. "Something's bothering you, sweetheart," she said with a mother's intuition. "You don't have to tell me, but..." She trailed off, allowing him to either close down or open up. Normally he'd just insist that he was fine and be done with it, but he was so stressed out about the war that he just found himself spilling everything to her about the war and how they thought Nell was a killer and how damn it, she was the only person at the school he'd really found himself trusting. And Patricia had listened patiently without a word. He'd told her everything... everything but Nell's secret. It was safe with him. "and now everything has gone to shit and I just don't know what to do," he finished lamely, shaking his head. He wasn't crying, but his distress was evident.
"Well, from what you've told me, it sounds like your friend is upset," Trish said, not only there to listen but apparently to help as well. "War is hard on everyone, Joshua, but it's even worse if you're their target." He nodded to show that this made sense and he agreed with her. "So maybe you should try to take her mind off it, dear. Can you give her a call?" He shook his head and tried to think of how to explain this without sounding too weird. "Never got her number," he lied, and felt like Patricia knew that he was lying. "We always just hung out at school." She apparently decided not to press him for the truth, for she went quiet as if thinking. "... Do you promise not to tell your father?" He furrowed his brow. "Tell him what?" Then Joshua stiffened. "He didn't hit you, did he, Mom?" Anger flashed through his eyes. "Because if he did--"
"No, honey, it's nothing like that." Unlike when Donovan cut him off, Patricia was gentle and soft. "But if you want to go visit your friend..." He nodded. He would like that, to go and visit Nell. His mother agreed to distract Donovan and lie for him, and though Joshua felt absolutely terrible for making his mother suffer this alongside him, but he really wanted to make sure that Nell was alright. It wasn't until he was sitting in his room and sneakily getting ready that he figured out what he was going to do. Eris ran into his room and literally collided with the mirror, and immediately all of his rage was gone as he laughed at the poor kitten. That was it! Whenever he was upset, his animals always helped to make him feel better. I'll get her a kitten, he decided, feeling oddly triumphant.
... Unfortunately, with Joshua nothing could ever be that simple. He went into the animal shelter expecting to come out with one kitten, and instead he came out with two. They were siblings and on the 'last day' list. Apparently no one wanted to adopt them, and he just wasn't having that. He didn't give a damn that it cost twice the money--they were rich, what did it matter?--he just wanted to save them. So when he showed up at Nell's door, there were two spotted bundles of fur in the carrier. Setting it down beside him, he took a deep breath and then knocked.
[Clicketh for Pablo&Picasso]
|
|
|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Jul 16, 2011 11:57:44 GMT -5
Nell lost count of the paper cranes. For the first time in her life, she lost count of over eight-hundred paper cranes. This distressed her greatly, especially since she’d have to go through and count them all and jeez, she felt tears. How could she lose count? Nothing was going right, nothing at all. Eight hundred…twelve? Thirteen? No, she thought it was higher than that. Oh god. Never in her life had she lost count. With Tilly, both of them had remembered the number and when they folded them, the girl worked together like a system, always knowing how many they’d made. One soul in two bodies. Please don’t start crying. It had to be all this exhaustion that was making her so weak and susceptible even to her own thoughts. Especially since she was on the verge of tears over paper cranes.
She jumped at hearing the knock, dropping the crane she was holding as she lay down. Nell had not been expecting anyone, so her thoughts claimed the worse. After calming down, she sighed. To answer the door or to not answer? It was probably her father coming to question her about her phone and to scold her for being immature and naïve and blah blah blah. Nell really didn’t want to talk to him right now. Or ever. Hopefully he’d come to understand that and kept his distance as he’d done for over eleven years. But now he was just being…overbearing. It didn’t seem like a possibility that he’d back off. Nell groaned, and rolled, falling off the couch. On the floor, she recovered for a few moments, staring up at the ceiling. Mold. I’m getting mold. She was about to start crying again, but somehow managed to keep in control of herself. Even though she was spread so thin, at least she had enough control not to wail about mold on the ceiling.
With great effort, Nell pulled herself up and dragged her body over to the door to look through the peephole. Had it been her father, she’d just leave it be until he crashed down the door or something. But no. It was Josh. She blinked. What was he doing here? Nell slid the chain out of the lock and opened the door, knowing she still looked like a hot mess with her hair in a sagging bun and face red and splotchy. She had no energy, no smiles, nothing really. ”Josh, what are you doing here?” she asked softly out loud what she was thinking. Not that she didn’t want him to be here, just that she was confused. And she didn’t really have the energy to try and figure it out. Well, until she grew even more confused. Her eyes didn’t stay on him for long when they found…a carrier. Her voice was still soft and a bit toneless as she asked another question: ”What’s in there?” Nell was unfamiliar with the idea of a cat carrier, unaware that they were used to hold animals but at least having a clue with all the holes.
Swallowing, she shook her head and stepped aside. ”Sorry, uh…come in.” She didn’t even know if she wanted his company, but she couldn’t just sit around forever. Nell understood that. And he must have had a reason for coming over…with that strange box thingy. Her curiosity bubbled up underneath the numb, and then she remembered that there were tissues and paper cranes all over her coffee table. Oh jeez, Mr. Perfectionist is going to see that mess. Even though she was struggling to organize her thoughts and pull herself together, that is what popped up in her head. Worry about Josh seeing her messy apartment. There was no time to clean now. She didn’t even feel like cleaning. It was enough panic to make her want to start crying again, and why the hell did she keep crying so much when she hadn’t in so long? Nell once again—for what must have been the hundredth time—felt bad that he had to see her like this, so…screwed up.
|
|
|
|
Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Jul 16, 2011 13:05:50 GMT -5
He waited, wondering if Nell was even home and if she'd answer the door if she was. What the hell was he going to do with a pair of kittens if the intended recipient was not in her apartment? I'll cross that bridge when and if I get there. Which it seemed would not be necessary after all, for after a short while of waiting there was the sound of a chain being slid bad and a very dishevelled looking Nell was standing in the doorway. Jesus, did she ever look terrible. Her hair was messed up and she seemed like she'd been crying again. The urge to hug her struck him unexpectedly, but he held back on part of that it would be awkward and he just wasn't the hugging type. He only really ever hugged his parents and his sister. Elaine had hugged him once but that had been after Conrad had attacked her and so he saw the situation as different somehow--plus, he hadn't been the initiator of that contact, so it was okay.
She went on to question his reasons for being at her apartment, and he hesitated slightly. "Just... wanted to make sure you were okay," he admitted, awkward and a tad sheepish. Was that normal? Did friends usually do this kind of thing? Well, alright, so maybe they didn't show up at their friends houses with kittens every time someone had a bad day, but they worried, right? Especially when everyone was out to get her and she hadn't been around in days. "You didn't show up at school so I was worried something might have happened." The fact that he wasn't really aware of whether that was 'normal' or not made him feel uncomfortable, but he wasn't going to just turn and leave or anything. Damn it, why did he have to be so inexperience with the friend thing? He was used to 'friends', people you talked to at school but who really knew nothing about you. "It's good to see you're alright, though," he said a little less softly, giving her a hesitant smile. An actual smile, strained as it was by his own exhaustion and stress level. They were both a mess, Nell decidedly more so, he was just so much better at hiding it today than she was.
When Nell asked what was in the carrier, Joshua assumed she might have been pulling her leg or something--he didn't realise that the fact it was a pet carrier didn't register to Nell. So he (jokingly) replied with faked seriousness, "A bomb, Nell, it's a bomb." He held the expression for a moment before he cracked a smile and shook his head. "Geez, Nell, it's a kitten--erm, kittens--what'd you think it was?" Maybe she was just asking him what sort of animal or something, he didn't know. At any rate, it most certainly wasn't a bomb like he'd joked about it being. Nell invited him inside, to which he gave a quick, "Thanks," and took her up on the offer. Her apartment was in a similar state to her appearance, but Joshua was polite and doing his best to be a friend. He wouldn't comment, he wouldn't stare, wouldn't sneer on dwell on it. Water under the bridge. Just like he'd pushed the murder death of her mother to the back of his mind, he could ignore a messy apartment. Especially when, in Nell's case, she'd probably done little except cry for the past couple of days.
Well. Now he was going to have to go into a more in-depth explanation about why he was here, and he realised suddenly that he hadn't really thought about how he was going to pitch this to her. Maybe a bit of a warning would have been nice. Or a lot of a warning. But Joshua was hardly the most crafty and subtle of people when it came to these things--he didn't usually go around fixing problems with live animals, so it wasn't like he had past experience in it. "I, uh, well, it was pretty obvious you were upset over the whole war thing," Josh started awkwardly--Jesus Christ why was his face heating up? "I remembered you said you'd never had a cat before," he said, and that did not help the awkwardness. He did indeed remember that from one of their very awkward hang-outs at his apartment. "And well... this war business is pretty rough. Whenever I'm upset I always just hang out with my pets and I guess I just figured you might need... or just want... something around that would be comforting instead of a total asshole." Cats weren't humans, but they were in a league of their own. He swore his cats could understand when he was grieving even when he could hide it from his family. "Unfortunately these two rascals--" had he seriously just used that word? "--came as a set, and I couldn't split up siblings for good so uh, if you want... you can have one of them...?"
[AWKWARDNESS FTW. XD]
|
|
|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Jul 16, 2011 15:47:20 GMT -5
Josh seemed embarrassed about admitting why he’d come over. Someone was actually checking up on her? Nell didn’t know if that was normal, but she’d take it. It was nice knowing someone was concerned enough about her that they’d check up on her. Even though this was Josh and it seemed…un-Josh-like to her. Or maybe he did things like this, she really didn’t know enough about him to tell. ”Uhm, yeah. I’m doing…better.” She averted her eyes, trying to decide if it was true. Well, she wasn’t hysterical anymore. But she was just…empty. Unfeeling, really. And she didn’t know what was better. But she would let Josh think she was all right, even though it was kind of apparent she wasn’t. ”Much better,” she lied. ”I guess I should have told you I was playing hooky…but…” No phone, no communication. Nell realized now that he might have been worried about her with the whole war and that she might have been killed and it was almost enough to make her cry. But her body felt so wasted and it would exert her so she resisted. Still, she wasn’t at the point of regretting the phone-thing. He smiled at her and she sighed a bit, feeling bad that she couldn’t smile back or reassure him better of her well-being. ”Yeah,” she agreed quietly. ”I’m glad to see you’re okay too,” Nell said honestly. Though she really didn’t know how well he was doing. He looked stressed out, but she wasn’t perceptive enough at the moment to pick it up.
What he said surprised her, and it showed. ”B-bomb?” she stuttered, wide eyes. And thus was a downfall of being ignorant to such commonplace things: it was easy to deceive her with cat carriers. She tugged him by the shirt to get him to come in, afraid that others had heard what he said, blurting out with energy that she was surprised she had: ”Get in here, idiot! What in the world are you doing with a bomb?!” Then she realized he was joking as he chuckled. It was a cat. Or rather cats. Blushing, she looked back down at the carrier and then to Josh, letting go of him. ”Oh.” Don’t cry, Nell, just because you’re an idiot. Still…bringing cats was strange, too. Not on the level of a bomb. But strange. She stammered out an apology: ”I-I’m really tired…I didn’t think it was a bomb or anything, really. I just…” She looked down. Okay, that went well. How could she explain such idiocy? He tried to tell a joke and it flew completely over her head and now she was just being stupid and on the verge of tears. Hopefully she’d get better soon, but she really didn’t know. Soon she’d be able to laugh at jokes again, that would be really nice. Jesus, she was even depressing herself. Actually, that was the probably: she kept thinking of things that depressed her and it was not very healthy. ”Wait. Why did you bring kittens to my apartment?” She had a feeling she’d find out soon.
A bit surprised (again) that he didn’t pull out a vacuum and start tidying up, she sat on her couch, clearing off the coffee table and dumping the uncounted paper cranes in their box next to the table. Nell waited patiently for some form of explanation to explain him carrying around felines. He kind of stumbled through it though, and she gave him her full attention, all the while trying to subtly make herself somewhat presentable by adjusting her hair and sweatshirt. Nodding acquiescently about the war even though that in itself was a lie, she was actually shocked that he remembered she’d said she’d never had a cat. Well, her reaction to his own made that clear. But to actually remember a detail like that? He….he brought cats…because she was upset? Nell almost snorted at the ‘asshole’ thing, because he didn’t know how right that was. She’d been enduring her father alone, and…okay, he was definitely saying that he brought a cat for her. Awkwardly.
”So…you’re telling me…that you brought a kitten because I was upset?” With how she phrased it, Josh may have assumed she was just about to reject him for being ridiculous. Which was unkind of her, since he seemed so awkward already and she just wanted to cheer him up somehow. From what she got with her experience in the world, normally people didn’t come over other people’s places and offer cats. It didn’t sound like something that happened in normal situations. But she figured Josh just wasn’t normal. She smiled at him, now feeling the tears rising. She’d become so used to them in the past few days, she understood what it felt like coming on now. But these were happy tears because she was an emotional wreck in general. ”You just made my day a helluva lot better.” Yes, she responded positively to the odd gesture, even though it was hard to show on her face right now because she was so world-weary. Really, who gave cats to people when they were sad? It just…stunned her. But it was a welcome feeling that he thought of something like that. That Josh was thinking about her and the fact that she was upset and got her a kitten. She guessed friends did that, and so…they were friends?
Nell looked at the cat carrier where the ‘rascals’ were (as she was now sure he did not bring a bomb to her apartment), and said, ”They’re siblings, you said?” At least her tone was not so flat anymore, even though she felt if she stood up again she’d just collapse. ”No, I guess you couldn’t have split them up.” It didn’t occur to her that he’d gotten them from a shelter or anything, but now she was curious about what they looked like. ”Well…I told you before how I wouldn’t want anyone else to suffer with me here…” Now those words had a different connotation, and it almost made her cry again. But she was on her best behavior, slowly picking herself up even though her smile came as an effort. ”But you came at the perfect time for me.” Not only would a kitten cheer her up, she hoped, but she could now afford to take care of an animal. The lack of funds was the only thing preventing her from actually getting a pet. Now she was determined to drain her father of all his money, and a kitten would be perfect for that.
|
|
|
|
Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Jul 17, 2011 11:46:26 GMT -5
'Better'. What was the definition of that word, in Nell's case? She certainly wasn't sobbing uncontrollably and leaning on him for support, but she also didn't look very good. He wasn't very good at interpreting the way people were supposed to react in a situation, but he'd spent enough of his life sitting quietly and observing that he was pretty sure he could tell when something was off, and when someone's apartment looked like a bomb had hit it, well, it raised flags. Still, he knew when to push boundaries and when to leave it be, and he guessed that she didn't want to talk about it if she was trying to reassure him that everything was okay. "You had other things on your mind," he guessed, finishing for her. "I figured you might have been skipping out because the war was getting bad," he lied, and now both of them were telling fibs. It was like their relationship was built on a crumbling castle of deceit. "It's fine that you didn't say anything, you don't have any obligation to. I was just being an idiot and worrying too much." He cracked a half-hearted attempt at a smile, which didn't really amount to much. It was hard-pressed to get him to smile when he was in a good mood.
Joshua's response to Nell's reaction was immediate and frantic. He flailed his free hand as if to cancel out his words, surprised that she'd actually taken him seriously as he was literally dragged into her apartment by a distressed Nell. "Nell. Nell! Relax, it's not a bomb!" His tone was worried as he attempted to reassure her that he wasn't bringing some highly explosive device into her apartment. She thankfully released him and seemed to calm down, though she looked like she was on the verge of another breakdown. Probably wasn't the best time for joking around, huh? He felt sort of guilty for freaking her out. She tried to assure him that she hadn't actually believed him, but that was a load of crap and they were both well aware of it. "Sorry," he apologised, because even though he hated admitting he was wrong in any way, shape, or form, it felt like he'd unintentionally pulled a cruel joke on his only good friend. "I shouldn'tve pulled that one on you. I guess you really would take that kind of thing seriously with all the hell we've had to put up with." But Joshua was on her side in the war, and if someone gave him a bomb his first thought would be to run, not lug it up to Nell's apartment and bring it over for tea.
A nervous laugh burst from his lips when Nell asked for some sort of confirmation. Wow, it really sounded ridiculous when he was hearing it aloud, didn't it? "Uh, yeah," he said sheepishly, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck and then snaking it through his dark hair before he allowed it to drop once more. "I, uh, hope you don't mind." The heck was he going to do if she had a problem with it? Again, Joshua was seriously starting to realise that this was something he should have sat down and thought about before he went tearing off to the animal shelter and picking out kittens. Maybe he should have come over and asked if she wanted one. But she's so selfless, he reminded himself. She probably wouldn't have accepted anything in the form of a gift even though I've got ten times her income. Even without a job Joshua was much richer than Nell, and that was because of his parents. However, Nell said that this gesture had actually made her day better, and a slow exhale marked his relief. "I'm glad," he said, and this time his smile was noticeable and genuine. It felt good that he could brighten her day, and the scary foreign stomach flip startled him. He wasn't used to feeling good because of how he treated other people. He was usually a dick and perfectly happy to be one.
He might have imagined it, but Joshua could have sworn that he heard an improvement in Nell's tone when she spoke again. He felt surprisingly proud of himself for this face. Hell, I helped her! He'd never done anything this meaningful for a friend before so it was good to know that it wasn't a wasted effort. Even if the act of giving kittens was as eccentric as they come. "They are," he confirmed, his voice soft. "They're practically identical." Her next words made his lips twitch a little. "I know, I remember," he said. She had been talking about a roommate but he supposed she was indicating animals as well. "But cats don't suffer with you, they ease the suffering, I think. I've got three, after all." He hesitated, then said, "I figured it might be nice to give you some sort of company. At school you've got the Earth students for support, but there's no comfort in an empty apartment. I would know." It was why he'd broken into the house and gotten his own cats back, after all. Of course, she didn't know the details about that but even still.
Figuring that she'd want to actually see the cute bundles of fur, he set the carrier down and crouched beside it, undoing the latches and then backing away. Rather than dragging them out and holding them out to Nell, he merely allowed the kittens to exit the carrier of their own accord. He didn't want to be frightening to the poor things, after all. "You can have whichever you like, I'm not fussy. I plan to take the other." His parents didn't know, but that was fine. It wouldn't be the first time they'd had an impromptu adoption. "This is a home, Joshua, not a wildlife shelter," Donovan had sniped when the blind cat had shown up in the living room. But he was a softie at heart, and Josh sometimes caught him smiling and petting the disabled animal when he thought no one was around. "We can hit the pet store down by my house if you want. It's huge, and we can get all the stuff you'll need to take care of him. They're both male," he added, to clarify. The more confident of the two burst out of the carrier eagerly, with his brother being more methodical and cautious as he followed. But which would Nell choose?
|
|
|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Jul 17, 2011 17:09:18 GMT -5
Josh was actually supportive of her skipping school? Huh. Well that was something different. Not that she thought he’d go all after-school special on her, but still she expected some kind of scolding. He was simply being very understanding. ”Yeah, kind of didn’t want to deal with the war…” She just trailed off, trying to steal her vulnerable mind against the fear she felt at her situation in general. But mostly, it was fear about going to prison. Fear of her aunt. Fear of the law. So she didn’t want to have to experience fear of war in this state. She didn’t want to experience anything. ”I get it. I’d be worried if you took an unexplained absence from school.” Which he did after he got jumped, and that had concerned her greatly. She hated even thinking about the night, and she certainly wouldn’t do it when her mind was already crumbling.
Nell felt terrible for Josh…again. She sighed, shaking her head at his apology. ”Don’t apologize for me being a basket case,” she said truthfully, rubbing her forehead. What an auspicious start to their meeting. How lovely. Poor guy was just trying to cheer her up and she flipped out at him. Again, she just wanted to shoo him away. But the fact that she wanted company and she found that his company was actually nice, prevented her from doing so. Nell realized how rare it was to get an apology from him though, so she said, ”Thank you.” She almost smiled then, but it was still a bit too hard so it was more of a working of one. And she also tried to make her tone humorous. Nell felt like she should have given herself an A for effort, but Josh was more deserving of that since he put up with her. ”I trust that you wouldn’t bring me a bomb.” Yes, she actually trusted him, more than she had when they’d first met. If she didn’t, Nell wouldn’t have let him around her in what might have been the lowest moment of her life.
Nell studied him for a bit. It was odd seeing him this way. Shy and sheepish. The awkward thing was something she’d grown accustomed to. It was—after all—a very strange thing to do. At least in her eyes. But strange didn’t mean bad. It just meant that Josh liked cats and apparently also liked giving them to people. No, that was definitely not a problem. ”It’s all right,” she reassured. It wasn’t like he could have given her a heads-up or anything. Without a phone and with her playing hooky, there was no way to talk to him. She still felt bad for that, even though he said he understood and she felt as if he really did. Spontaneous kittens? Yeah, she could deal with that. Now if only she knew what they looked like… He actually smiled at the fact that he managed to pick up her spirits somewhat, and she attempted a smile back though it was more like a small twitch. But it was something. It was more than she’d given in the past few days.
Nodding, she looked back and forth from the carrier to Josh, and then at the carrier again. ”So they’re like twins?” she chirped, and it was definitely her mood brightening up. Of course Nell loved twins. Twin anything. Her face then grew serious at the mention that cats can be comforting. She wouldn’t know but she guessed Josh did. Is that why he had so many cats? Nell didn’t know whether or not he needed that sort of comfort, but right now she felt that she did. And it was strange that Josh could tell this. That even though it felt selfish to have someone witness this, she felt she needed someone around. And kitties? Well, they were adorable, fluffy company. ”That’s exactly what I need right now.” She needed any sort of company that was not her father or people trying to kill her. ”It does get lonely…” It felt strange, admitting that aloud. That she ever got lonely, even though she surrounded herself with as many people as possible. But when you have all this fear that no one else knew about, all of these doubts and terror and bitterness and only the empty space around you to keep you company—that was true loneliness.
As Josh opened the carrier, she slid off the couch and onto the floor. he felt like one of those people raised by wolves accepting food from a documenter. I can has kitty? She nodded at his words, saying, ”Another cat for you, huh?” This was really her first sign of joking, and she wasn’t sure if it came out right, but she was still trying. Going out? Okay, even Nell knew she really had to get out of this house or it’ll be the death of her. She usually hates being stationary, and yet she spent days here vegetating. Then she realized something, she eyes growing wide. ”Jeez, I do need a lot of stuff! There’s a litter box, food, a collar, uh… Do cats need baths?” Nell wasn’t really aware of the fact that cats greatly disliked water, another facet of her naiveté shining through. But this was her picking herself up and dusting off in hopes that the prospect of something new would take her mind off of all the things haunting her.
It was like digging something whole out of the debris for Nell’s emotions seeing the cat shoot from the carrier like a bat outta hell, and his sibling following after as if stepping into the world for the first time. They. Were. So. Cute. And fluffy. Oh god, were they fluffy and tiny and small and Nell just wanted to take them into her arms and squeeze them. But she merely held out her hand to the more energetic one, saying, ”Hey there, buddy.” She remembered that this was what she was supposed to do with cats when she was over his apartment with Annabel. Did the guy just make a habit of surrounding himself with adorable things? She looked up at him, and said, ”I guess you haven’t named either of them yet…?” Looking down at the little kitty, she scrunched her lips together as she wracked through her brain for a proper cat name. Her first thought was, How about a Spanish name? ”How’d you like to be called Pablo?” she asked of the cat as if he could very well answer her back. Petting the tiny thing, she found herself smiling without any anxiety, and directing that smile over Joshua. Things would get better, she decided. They had to get better and she wouldn’t stop until they did. She was going to confront her father and speak with him about whatever he had planned for her.
However, for now, she’d just spend his money. Pet store? Big pet store? Sounds good. ”I guess I should make myself presentable,” she said, excusing herself as she went into the bathroom to change into jeans and brush her hair out. Walking back out, she grabbed her wallet from the coffee table and checked to find the Master Card her father got her, smiling a little devilishly. This would make her feel much better. He wanted to be a callous asshole to her? She’d spend all his money. Turning to Josh she asked, ”Ooh, can we bring the kitties into the store?” Yes, she felt like she was getting back on track even though there was still the exhaustion preventing her from bouncing and rolling around with the kittens.
|
|
|
|
Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Jul 18, 2011 7:04:46 GMT -5
He chuckled, amused by the fact that she seemed to approve of twin kittens. Joshua knew she'd had a sibling once because he'd asked and she'd told him (vaguely) but he had no way of knowing that she'd had a twin, and so to him it just seemed strange and entertaining. "Pretty much," he agreed. "They just looked so cute--" Had Joshua really just used that word? "--that I couldn't resist." He could have mentioned that they'd been on the 'last day' list and that he had been gunning to save them, but for some reason that sounded much too grim. He was doing this to cheer Nell up, and even Joshua knew that mentioning a bunch of cats on a list for 'humane' slaughter was not going to be a very happy thought. If it felt strange to Nell admitting it aloud, it felt even stranger for Joshua to hear those words grace her lips. She wasn't one to admit any sort of loneliness or weakness, so he was glad that the gifted kitten, however odd and unusual a gift it was, would be able to cure that loneliness in some sense. "I lived on my own for a while, I remembered how it felt." The words were spoken with quiet understanding. He would have smiled, but it really seemed like too much of an effort to even try right now, so he just hoped that she understood and appreciated the words.
Though Josh was surprised to hear Nell joking around, it was met with a bright enough response. He chuckled slightly, his gray eyes almost seeming to lighten a shade as he finally did smile. "Looks like it. I just can't resist, can I?" His father was right, in a way, he really did treat their home as more of a wildlife centre than a house these days. But hell, it was a kitten and Joshua was an animal lover. A cat person most of all--though he loved Quartz all the same. Nell seemed to come to the surprised realisation of how much she was missing from the kitty-caregivers shopping list, and it lightened his spirits when she asked him if cats needed a bath. Shaking his head a little, Joshua clarified, "Cats hate water. Kinda like Fire students--no wonder I mesh so well with them." He was joking right back, it seemed. It was strange for Josh to be joking, and in Nell's current emotional state it was strange for her too, but they seemed to be managing just fine in the company of one another. "Some owners choose to bathe their cats, but they're pretty independent and self-sufficient. They don't need walks, they groom themselves. A good choice for students, really, since you don't need to be with them all day for them to be happy." Some students got dogs, and he couldn't help but find that a little unfair. If you had a busy day at school the poor puppy would be trapped at home and whimpering for its master's return.
"We also need licences," he said, an afterthought. He hadn't gone to do the paperwork for his own kitten's yet because he had not only wanted Nell to get first pick, but he wanted to make sure she knew what she was doing as well. This was her first kitten, he had to keep reminding himself of that, so he'd need to sort of walk her through the process. And that was fine with him. "Also, since they're so young they probably won't want to handle dried food just yet unless the bag marks it as specially formulated for, well, a kitten." Chester and Apache had both outgrown the tiny kitten stage when he'd gotten them, but he'd learned all of this through the caring-for of Eris. And what he'd learned had mostly been through books, of course. Joshua gained most of his knowledge from books. "As for the licences, I figure we could stop by the vet on the way back, it's pretty close to the store itself. You just fill out the paperwork and all that and they'll mail it to you." He was actually known by a few of the people that worked at the vet because of the times he'd brought his cats in, and he'd found them with relief to be good people. He'd met sour-faced animal workers that were more in it for the money than anything else before, and those kinds of folk frustrated him.
He swore he saw a change once the two cats emerged from the carrier, and even Joshua couldn't resist grinning back when she smiled at him. Damn, why did this feel like such an accomplishment? He shook his head when she asked if they had names. "Nope, figured I'd wait to see which one suited you best, first." He could adapt to the personality of almost any cat with his unerring patience for animals, so he really didn't mind being paired with the more docile and cautious kitten. It matched his own personality, actually, and contrasted to that of his other kitty, Eris. He too put out his hand, but the second brother was much slower to approach then Nell's cat had been, obviously wary. When he was usually trying so hard to smile, it was a great effort not to be grinning his head off when he felt the kitten's small pink nose bump into his hand. The unnamed animal seemed surprised at the contact, stumbling back in surprise. He chuckled and gently stroked a finger along the flank of his new companion. "It's okay," he soothed, and it seemed to enjoy the attention at least. Nell decided to name her cat Pablo, and damn it he was smiling again! Cats were a fail-safe way to put Joshua in high spirits. "I think I'll name this little guy Picasso, then," he decided. "Matching kittens deserve matching names."
He arched an eyebrow. She had a Master Card? He decided not to ask, ever against prying, so instead he just grinned when she asked if they could bring their newfound pets. "Some stores disallow it, but this one permits people to bring their pets in for grooming and stuff like that, so I don't see why not!" His touch was very gentle as he picked Picasso up and placed him back into the carrier, waiting for Nell to do the same whilst he explained, "We don't want the drive there to freak them out too much." And since they were going to be parting ways after they shopped and spent some time with the kittens or whatever, Josh added, "Ah, and you'll probably want a carrier of your own, just in case. For trips to the vet and all that. It's probably a good idea to keep up-to-date with all the shots and regular check-ups for Pablo. The vet's probably got a handy list written down somewhere if you need a guide." He had found all of his answers--surprise!--in a book, but Nell wasn't as absolutely obsessed with the written word as he was.
|
|
|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Jul 18, 2011 11:28:57 GMT -5
Cute. He said cute. Oh god, her head hurt now. That would be going on her to-do list. Go and get some Advil for when Josh said things like that. Nell couldn’t even imagine that the cute little critters were about to die when Josh picked them up. And if he’d told her, that wouldn’t have ended well for either of them because she knew he had to be careful with what she said, else it might bring on another episode. She hated that she was like this and the fact that Josh had to tread around her like a minefield, but she was now trying to do better on that front. Especially since her smile was very small and barely a shifting of her lips, it was there and somber for when he told her he knew how it felt. And his smile was much the same. She believed everyone knew at one point in their lives unbearable loneliness. She felt it a great deal with her mother, and she used to think of everyone else out there suffering without someone to help them through and she wished she could be there for the strangers scattered over the world.
Now that she was actually determined to do better—which was amazing, considering how tired and weary and scared she felt—she did notice that something was bothering Josh too. Had been bothering, and she hated that she wasn’t so perceptive before. At least now he seemed to be doing somewhat better with the cats. Maybe they could really be used to cheer people up? Usually, she thought others gave people greeting cards or flowers—this was much better. And to prove how much better she was doing, she eased into the flow of banter. ”So you don’t bathe either?” Her smile was trying to stretch into more as she tilted her head. If you just try, Nell, it’ll be okay. But what was she doing? Should she just push everything aside, or would that bring about another breakdown? How does someone deal with their problems? Therapy, probably. But she didn’t want to go to therapy, especially since she was kind of on the run and saying she killed her own mother wouldn’t go down well. She couldn’t even say it to anyone, and if someone other than her family knew about… Nell shivered. Don’t think like that.
She thought she’d been able to run, and the fact that she couldn’t anymore was what really got to her. The fact that reality had caught up with her, and that her father was completely right, and she was just so scared now. These thoughts made her tense up a bit as she nodded at Josh’s explanations. It would destroy her, all of these things now coming to the front of her mind. Things she couldn’t talk about, because no one else knew. And the people who did know where her greatest enemies. She was trapped, just as she’d been with her mother, and the keen tingling of a panic attack struck her but she swallowed and closed her eyes against it. Realizing that she hadn’t been responding to Josh, she snapped her eyes open and said, ”Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I was just thinking, and…I was listening, I just…” You’re a horrible person, Nell. She shook her head, trembling a little bit. Then taking in a deep breath, she held it for a while before releasing. But you’re gonna be okay, she tried to reassure herself. Nell felt like she needed to explain Josh all this, even though he already believed it was the war deal. But she’d also told him to throw away her phone, which had nothing to do with the war, so that must have been odd. I can’t tell him. Maybe she could trust him with information about her father coming back, she didn’t know. But definitely not the matricide. No one wanted to hear about the matricide.
Nell recovered from the lapse, knowing now that if she wasn’t going to talk about it, she needed to hide and not think on it. And probably go through this again. She swallowed hard, but focused once again on Josh. ”You need a kitty license?” she asked, her eyes pretty wide in her head. Well, she was a bit surprised when she learned you needed a license to serve alcohol. And how she got licenses is usually subversive to the law. But she wouldn’t have to be sneaky to get a kitty license, right? She nodded and though she felt she couldn’t really smile again, she said. ”Food is something I’m good at. So…wet food? The ones in cans, right?” She let her mind wander over to food, and the fact that she hadn’t eaten in…well, a while. But even if she couldn’t take care of herself, she would be damned if she couldn’t take care of others, especially kittens. She looked doubtful at the idea of paperwork and tried not to sound suspicious as she asked, ”…what kind of paperwork?” That wasn’t odd, was it? She was a young girl, unused to the world, so it would be normal for oh-so innocent Nell to not have a clue about paperwork. But she was more concerned about legality and how much she needed to lie. She didn’t even go through the law to change her name, she was so paranoid.
At least the cats settled her, eased her. The pair reminded her of Tilly and herself, she found, Nell the more excitable and outgoing one, Till the prudent and shy kitty. Nell tried not to let her thoughts wander to what they always did: what Tilly would be like if she were alive today. The complete opposite of her sister, she knew, night and day. And it gave her a pain in her stomach to think like that, so she simply smiled and said to the cat, ”Can you say, ‘ ¿Me llamo Señor Pablo?” It was strange, thinking how she had a cat now. Another living creature to take care of, but she liked the idea. She enjoyed taking care of others, especially cute little fluffballs. The kitty now dubbed Pablo practically melted her heat. Josh greeted the much more nervous kitty, and his mood seemed to improve greatly trying to get the little guy used to him. What really got her to laugh was his name choice, and she coughed a bit afterward having it catch in her throat. ”Pablo and Picasso, eh?” Like Nell and her sister with their matching middle names, it made her smile fondly. ”I really like that.”
If Josh had asked about her possession of a credit card when she had such a crappy job and life, she wouldn’t know how to answer, and so she was glad when he simply smiled and confirmed the question. ”Terrific then!” She followed his suit and returned Pablo to the carrier, which was not a bomb at all and she’d have to remember that the next time Josh brought her an unfamiliar object. As he gave her suggestions on what she needed, Nell held out her fingers to count things off of, and nodded, paying more attention now—at least—than she had before. ”Carrier, shots, and check-ups. I may just write these things down on my to-do list.” She looked at the little kitties in their carrier and said, ”You two are just miniature, fluffy children, aren’t ya!” It would seem like it, considering what it would take to care for them. But she was prepared. If she was going to shut it away again, she can help brace herself with Pablo. ”Did you drive down here? If so, I guess we should take your car. Though I got a cool new set of wheels.” No, not too cool, but it was better than before. And she was proud of her baby. Of course, it looked like nothing compared to Josh’s, but one day she will be going ninety in a wicked 70’s muscle car.
|
|
|
|
Post by JOSHUA DONOVAN DALE on Jul 18, 2011 16:04:22 GMT -5
Joshua laughed as she joked, glad that she seemed to be returning to her normal self. His laugh was genuine if a little strained by the fact that he'd been majorly stressed when he'd left the house. So many fights with his father. He still didn't exactly know how he planned on explaining the new kitten. It would become obvious then that he'd gone out. It worried him to think about it, however, so he just pushed it to the back of his mind for now and decided to respond to the joke. "Ouch, looks like I've been found out," he said smoothly, wincing as if it was some massive secret of his. He was still joking around as if the worry wasn't gnawing at his stomach, just like Nell was joking past her fear and depression. The two of them seemed to be the masters of deception, and since he knew that she was probably putting on an act for some of this he wondered if she was starting to see his mask slipping as well. "Shh, don't tell." Honestly, though, whilst he did have quite bad hydrophobia when it came to deep water and anything over his head, he was pretty calm about bathing, showering, rain, anything like that. Water elementals, however, seemed to be particularly fond of nearly drowning him, something that Joshua did not appreciate.
Though he wasn't that great about understanding how to interact with others aside from formality and flattery, he was pretty perceptive when it came to watching others. Observant. He didn't miss the shiver that seemed to overtake Nell after she'd zoned out for a moment, and he wondered what was on her mind. Of course, this being Joshua, he didn't ask. This time he was formulating possibilities in his mind based on everything he knew about the war and her stress level and her mother--Joshua forced his thoughts to halt there. He always felt a twinge of guilt whenever he started thinking about what he heard in Nell's presence, because he felt he was somehow a traitor to the friendship (however awkward of a friendship that it was) when he started to doubt her. Nell's words thankfully snapped out out of his own state of thought, and a soft smile of what was meant to be reassurance graced his lips. "Yeah," he said, "you heard me right, don't worry." He didn't sound irritated because he himself had went off into his own little world the moment he'd picked up on the shudder.
Joshua nodded when she questioned the licence. He didn't realise that Nell would be freaked out about signing the paperwork and the like, for he knew not much of her life besides what she'd told him, both through casual conversation and the accidental tidbit he'd heard. He'd went through several phases of trying to convince himself that the matricide didn't matter, and had even tried telling himself that he'd heard wrong at one point. Then he'd wondered what it was like growing up without a mother and had imagined how he would feel if Patricia just wasn't in his life any more--or worse, he was the reason for it. The feeling had left him empty and sick, and Joshua had concluded that only a heartless person would murder their own mother, and then they probably wouldn't regret it. Nell wasn't heartless. Thus he'd come to his decision. "Yeah--I'm pretty sure it's the law that cats have to be licenced, to stop people from turning them out and making them strays or anything. Plus, then if the cat runs away and someone finds it they can always bring it back to you." He smiled a little at that, remembering when Apache had wandered off. They reckoned he'd gotten confused about all the unfamiliar and mixed scents once he'd wandered off the property. He hadn't gotten far, but it was still a relief when he was returned.
Well, at least she wasn't totally hopeless. She knew what wet food was, and that was a start. "That works," he said with a nod. He usually got the healthy brands, but they were also hella expensive. Of course, what Joshua didn't realise (yet again) is that expensive is just what Nell was aiming for. Then she questioned the paperwork, and his brow furrowed slightly in confusion. What kinds of paperwork were there, really? He'd grown accustomed to filling out forms. Job applications, apartment applications, pet licencing forms... he'd filled them all out. However, he thought that maybe she was just confused, not assuming at all that she was here illegally and that she was paranoid about how much information she'd have to give out and all of the lying she'd have to do. "Nothing too difficult," he said with a smile that was supposed to be reassuring, thinking that she was worried about the complexity. "Just like... name, address, the pet's name... stuff like that." If he had known what her qualms were, Joshua would have offered to help her fill it out or even do it himself. He'd lie for friends, he'd betray his own element for friends, and he'd even kill for them if he had to. Loyalty ran deep.
Joshua was growing used to the fact that she was bilingual and prone to speaking in Spanish at times, but he couldn't help but wonder what she'd said to the cat. Probably something about its name, for he'd heard 'Pablo', but other than that he hadn't understood a word. So his lips twitched as he asked, "What did you say?" Though the first time she'd spoken in Spanish around him she'd immediately apologised for doing so and insisted that it was rude, Josh really didn't mind. It was just his naturally curious nature that made him want to know. He grinned when she laughed at his name choice, pleased that he was able to make her see some sort of positivity again. He'd never been the type of empathetic person who went out of their way to help others, but he could sort of see the appeal now that he was realising how good it felt to be a nice person. "I'm glad you approve," he chuckled, and he had to actually resist sticking out his tongue for a moment. He would have done it if he was around Annabel, but this was... different. He nodded when she asked if he'd drove. "Sure did." He pulled the car keys out of his pocket and twirled them around his index finger in explanation.
- - -
At the pet store, which was massive thanks to it being so wealthy, they were indeed permitted to bring their newest furry companions in for shopping purposes. The store smelled like pet food, plastic, and cleaning solvent. Not really unpleasant, just an average smell. But there were rows and rows of shelving for anything you'd ever want for a pet, dogs trotting beside their owners, and a section up the back with actual pets one could adopt if they had the cash. "Where should we start?" he asked with an almost-grin. "Though I'd suggest we get carts, 'cause we're going to need a lot of stuff."
|
|
|
|
Post by NELL DOE DALE on Jul 18, 2011 22:47:53 GMT -5
It was nice to see Josh joking around. Refreshing, really, since she didn’t get it much from him. For a while she had been wondering if he even had a sense of humor. But…it felt like they were both doing a cover up. There was something about him that seemed off. Like he was doing his best to smile, but it wasn’t going well. And he didn’t usually smile, but when someone did it was easy enough to pick up when it was…off. Which was strange. She didn’t usually get these things from Josh, but here she felt as if there was something wrong even as he joked back with her. There’s always something wrong. And she really wished that he could smile for once without it having to feel like an effort. Nell didn’t want there to be anything bothering him. He’d done so much for her she just wished there was something she could do in return. But the cats seemed to be doing good for his mood at least.
Nell felt rude for not giving him her full attention not realizing that he had also been consumed by thoughts. Not knowing that he was thinking of similar things, of her killing her mother. And every time she thought of it, there was another stab in her gut, so much like the physical one that scarred her. There was no way to make it better. There was no way that she’d be able to think of it without feeling the pain and the guilt. And that scared her. She didn’t want to have to deal with it. There is therapy out there. But she didn’t want it. To her, that wasn’t what could solve her problems. The only thing that had worked for her was ignoring, until now. She nodded mutely, sending him an apologetic look for totally flatlining on him for a second. He didn’t sound mad, which surprised—why did he keep surprising her? All of this…niceness. She wasn’t used to it from him.
Again, she nodded mutely at his response. Okay, that made sense. Though… She looked at him. Nell had to wonder what was going on inside his head. She was pretty sure there was something wrong, but as always it was difficult to tell with Josh. ”All right, I get it. Just…sounded strange to need a license for a kitty, ya know?” But maybe other people were aware of it, even those who didn’t own cats. It made her feel nervous and on edge when she thought of this ignorance, when she thought to hard and when these things overran her weary mind. Nell had never felt so vulnerable in her life. That’s just what it was. Vulnerable. Everything had come tumbling down like a tower of children’s blocks an she was left without a fortress to defend herself from anything.
Josh reassured her that the paper wasn’t too much. Nothing too personal, that was good. She usually had to lie about her name and age and she had forged papers and a birth certificate and she felt terrible every time she had to lie. She hated lying, she was bad at it, but unfortunately she had started getting used to it. And she was lying to Josh so much lately, and he was being too nice to her that it made it worse. He smiled and she chose to smile back like these things weren’t on her mind, like there was nothing on her mind, and lied, ”I was just hoping I wouldn’t be doing paperwork for hours or something.” Not a complete lie, thank god. That’s how she usually got by, how she made herself feel better—half-lies. She was only a half-liar. To placate herself, she thought of how Josh probably lied to her about things a lot. Like how he was fine all the time, when he really wasn’t, almost to the point where she’d given up asking.
”Gah, I did it again didn’t I?” her eyes were wide and panicked, because now she was believing her grandparents had gotten into her head and were determined to turn her into an asshole. One that wouldn’t speak in English because they were too high-and-mighty for anyone else except themselves. She didn’t want to be like that. ”I just asked him if he could say ‘My name is Mr. Pablo’.” She smiled gently at the cat then looked to Josh with a sigh. ”You know, since I keep messing up…I may have to teach you the language.” She wondered if he’d like that. She’d be perfectly willing to do it, and he liked to learn and study. Nell liked the language and speaking it, just not so wantonly in front of others who did not know it. That spoke spades of her grandparents. ”I wonder if Pablo and Picasso can learn it to, considering their Spanish names and all,” she said jokingly, wriggling her finger as the kitten batted at it.
--
She mustered up the strength to go outside, building up her walls, brick by brick. It was working. For now. No, it will keep working as long as you make it work. With that determination she strolled into the pet store, pausing to look in awe around her. My god, was it possible such a building existed in this world? She grinned, and it didn’t take too much effort. She grabbed a cart, and hopped up on the bar below it as she thought, leaning forward over the basket. ”Hmm…let’s start with food!”
And so Nell was off like a rocket, finding the aisle quickly. Wet food meant cans. She scanned the aisle and her eye caught on Fancy Feast. ”Well if it’s fancy…” Nell dropped an entire bulk package of food into the cart, and that wouldn’t nearly be it. She was surprised at her own energy as she went down aisles looking for things to spend money on. Not only did she want to provide for the kitten, but she wanted to be a dick. Yes, it seemed she was a Fuentes. And she tried to ignore how scary that was.
Nell stuck her head inside one of the cat towers, and asked Josh, ”Do they play in these things?” as she pulled it out. Whether or not cats played with it, it was still going into the cart. Would some of this stuff even fit in her apartment? Ah, who cared. She’d deal. She wanted to dote on Pablo, and now she had the wealth to do so.
|
|
