WHENEVER YOUR WORLD STARTS CRASHING DOWN,, josh

"What do you mean you're going out?" Donovan said testily, causing Joshua to freeze with his hand on the doorknob. Despite the fact that he was almost nineteen now and so had no reason to stop, chills rushed down his spine and almost made him shudder. Damn it, why did Don have such a powerful effect over his son. "I said that I was going out," Joshua repeated slowly, "and that I'd be back--" He was cut off before he could even finish his sentence. "No. Absolutely not, Joshua. The last time you told me 'you'd be back' at a reasonable hour, you showed up three hours late." Joshua winced--it was true, he'd lost track of time and hadn't came home until about three in the morning, whereas he'd promised his father to expect him by midnight. But even still, he was an adult! "I'm not a child, father," Josh said, tone stiff. "I said I'd be home around twelve because you asked me for a time. I was out having fun with friends, I decided to stay a little longer." Donovan glowered at him. "Well I have decided that you are not to leave this house today, boy," he said, equally as stiff. "Take your hand away from that doorknob."

And for once, despite his fears of his father, Josh decided that he was going to stand up for himself. "No," he replied, resisting the urge to wince when Donovan's expression hardened. "I'm going out, Dad. I'll be back when I feel like coming home." He opened the door and stormed out, heading for the garage. His father, acting almost like a child, seemed mildly triumphant as he pulled out the keys and locked it. Joshua arched an eyebrow as if to say, 'Really? You're going to pull that one?' The teenager shielded his eyes from the sun and frowned at the older man. "Just let me get my fucking car," he said, patience running out. "Watch your mouth," Donovan cautioned him, and Josh felt his cowardice starting to creep up on him. He almost apologised, but he closed his mouth. No. No. He's not going to do this to me again. "Just open it," he sighed, but could tell he was getting nowhere when Donovan folded his arms and glared at him from the door frame. "Fine," Josh said, lifting his chin. "I'll take the bus."

This seemed to shock Donovan, who recovered with a scoff. "You'll be back," he sneered. "Whether or not I choose to let you over the threshold of my home is another matter entirely." SLAM! The door thundered shut, and Joshua sighed as he started the long walk down the driveway toward the gate. He'd never really appreciated the size of the property until now. At least the driveway was cleared of ice courtesy of their housing staff--Donovan would have a fit if anything slipped, car or otherwise. The gate was locked, of course. Sighing, he buzzed the house and just hoped it wouldn't be his father who got to it first. "Joshua, honey, what happened?" Patricia sounded concerned. "Your father is--" Angry, that was what he was, and he proved that by yelling, "Trisha! Don't open that gate!" Josh winced, then pleaded, "Please, Mum? If I go back inside it'll just be a fight." They both knew it was true. "Patricia!" The woman sighed. "Just be careful, honey."

"Don't you dare--"

The angry voices of his parents were silenced as the speaker went dead and the gate started to swing open slowly. He slipped through just as Donovan clearly reached it and hit the 'close' button, nearly getting his shirt caught in a close call. It was a far walk to the nearest bus stop, but he'd manage. Most of the people in this neighbourhood with its beautiful and expensive mansions had cars (all of them, in fact, unless they were just living with the owner in which case they at least had a ride) so it would just be considered 'unsightly' to have grimy bus shelters dotting the sidewalks. It was cold, too, and he didn't have a jacket. Thank fuck for fire, he thought, allowing his inner elemental gift to warm him naturally. Still, it was less prominent than usual so that he didn't melt a path through the snow as he walked. He didn't want to call too much attention to himself, after all. Snow was soaking through his expensive boots, and he scowled at them for a moment. Stupid weather.

The bus was a strange experience for him. He had been on the fancier coach buses before, like when he'd ran away from home, but never on a city bus with uncomfortable seats and crowded spaces. It smelled like a mixture of all of the people on it, and he had to convince himself against gagging. Don't be such a priss, he scolded himself, then hesitated with the machine that accepted the far. The bus driver was not amused, glaring at him fiercely. "Hurry up, kid, I haven't got all day," he snapped gruffly. Joshua felt his face heating up as he ducked his head. "Uh, right, I... uh... how much?" The glare he recieved in return only backed up his embarrassment as the fare was snapped at him, "Two seventy-five." For someone who was used to things being expensive as hell, he almost mistook this to mean two hundred, but then he mentally kicked himself. This was public transportation, it wasn't a private jet. He grew even more flushed when he realised he didn't have change. "Hurry up!" the driver reiterated. Thankfully an old lady getting on behind him was kind enough to pay his fare, and when he handed her a twenty (the lowest bill he had in his wallet) she gave him back the change. "Thank you, ma'am," he said formally, always having respect for his elders.

Except Patrick. Patrick could go die in a hole.

He kept up conversation with the old woman along the way. She had a very soft English accent, and she was apparently in Canada visiting her daughter who was getting married later in the week. He was surprised how easy it was to converse with her, and it slowly calmed his ire at his father. Older people were always so much kinder than youth. Nevertheless, he was glad when it came to his stop and he could finally get out and breathe the cleaner air. "Thank you again," he told the woman, "And good luck with the wedding." She smiled at him and he stepped off the bus, trying his best to ignore the parting glare of the bus driver. It wasn't his fault he wasn't too experienced with these things! Even when he'd been forced into the modest living of a normal teen, he'd never resorted to the bus before. Never again, he thought, and then caught the Academy's fancy coach to the gates. Thank goodness that was over.

Sunlight glanced off the snow and burned his retinas as he gave his name at the gates of the Academy and was permitted onto the grounds. They did an ID check just to make sure that no one from the outside entered the grounds. He didn't feel like going inside just yet. Whilst it was a little chilly and all, it didn't bother him and he wasn't in the mood to face the tense halls of war. Fights broke out on the grounds as well of course but at least the main lawn was open enough that you could spot anyone coming and avoid them if you wished. He decided to take shelter against the wall--he could melt a patch of snow and lean his back against it, perhaps read that novel he'd started the other day. Wait, no. He kept forgetting that he'd not had his bag on him. Damn it, he thought, then shrugged it off. He'd head over there anyway. At least the walls blocked the icy wind that tended to accompany winter weather.

Spotting Nell sliding down the wall slowly, he immediately assumed that she might be hurt. He considered calling out to her (not noticing she had a phone in her hand thanks to the distance) but decided against it considering the fact that it might bring some of their enemies running. Instead, he started toward her at a quick walk, also avoiding breaking into a jog for the same reason. The fact that she was crying made him hesitate when he was close enough. Well fuck. He wasn't great at dealing with people on a regular basis, let alone when they were sobbing. He was just close enough to catch words that took his breathe away for a moment, stealing it right from his throat and snatching it away from his lungs. She... she... what? She had murdered someone. Murdered. Killed. Taken the life of. Her own mother. Joshua didn't know what to do for a long moment. She was apparently too busy crying to even acknowledge he was there, and maybe that was a good thing considering the absolutely stunned look on his face. How the hell was he supposed to deal with that information? He knew immediately that it wasn't something he had been meant to hear. "My mother had no choice in the matter." Hadn't she said something like this to him when they'd hung out in the park? She hadn't had a choice because she... was dead? Was that it?

Holy shit.

He licked his lips nervously, they were dry as a bone and his mouth felt dry too. If she'd killed her own mother, did that meant that she'd killed Cynthia too? But Joshua shook his head vehemently, aware that if Nell had been staring at him he probably looked a little nuts right now, standing there. No, no, he couldn't believe that. There was a reason, he insisted to himself, not wanting to believe that the one girl he'd started to trust could be a cold-blooded killer. Why? Why did he pick such bad choices in people? There had to be a reason! He was starting to panic, and he had to swallow hard to stop himself from beginning to hyperventilate. He didn't want her to notice him when he was freaking out like this. She couldn't have just killed her for no reason. People don't do that, right? Of course, his grandfather had tried to have him killed but that was besides the point. He was desperately grasping at straws. She can't have killed Cynthia. Can't have. She had an alibi, right? She wasn't lying. Nell doesn't lie. I won't believe it.

Well, there was no convincing him otherwise. But there was a more pressing matter on his hands at the moment--Nell was upset. She was crying. He'd never seen her cry, and she'd certainly been tough enough to stare him down when he had a knife. He couldn't remember that, but he'd taken her words at face value. But what could he do? Josh wasn't that great at comforting people. Not at all, really. Taking a deep breath, he sat down beside her carefully. "Do you need company?" He wasn't going to ask if she was alright, because she clearly wasn't alright. Silently he allowed the warmth of his fire to heat up the area, so at least she wouldn't catch a cold from sobbing in this frigid weather.

Did she know that he'd heard? Joshua worried over this for a moment, but surely the girl would have otherwise acknowledged him if she'd noticed he was there when she confessed something so secret and dark. He said nothing about it, however, and he'd likely keep this under lock and key until the day he died if she didn't want to talk about it around him. One thing Joshua was indefinitely--a great secret keeper. If you told him your deepest and darkest of secrets and made it clear you didn't want them told, he wasn't going to tell a soul. Perhaps he might subject his enemies to the cruel reality of having your thoughts spilled, but never a friend. Never, ever a friend. And he was a good judge of whether something was supposed to be brought up or not, provided he had enough reason to doubt the situation. Maybe he didn't know Nell that well, but he was pretty sure bringing up the fact that he'd heard about her killing her own mother would be sensitive. So he didn't say a word. Lips shut tight and mind closed even tighter because he really didn't want to dwell on it for too long. Joshua Dale was a born pessimist. If you gave him a situation, he could find all of the bad things and barely any good. So if he thought about the matricide, part of Josh's subconsciousness acknowledged that he'd probably think of Nell differently. And he didn't want that.

She was the first person he'd really started to trust completely, because she knew about the gang business--or at least a small part of it--and still hung around, even though they'd met when he'd tried to freaking kill her. It might not have been the sort of trust where he'd shed a tear in front of her or admit that he had family problems and a murderous grandfather, but it was still much further than he'd ever gotten before. Elaine came second, perhaps, and then maybe Harley or Jake. None of them, however, knew anything about him. This was somewhat disturbing whenever he actually reflected on it. He was a mystery to everyone. It was the way he liked it, but it forced him to question how he'd be treated if they found out the bad parts of his past. Maybe this was why he wanted so badly to believe in Nell. She knows about me, even just a little bit, he thought. She didn't run screaming for the hills when she found out I had a fucking gang out for my blood, and she saved my life whether I like thinking about it or not. He swallowed slightly. So I can't judge her for this. I won't. Thus the thoughts were shoved back into those deep parts of his mind and he allowed her suffering to come to the forefront.

I wish there was something I could do. Such an acknowledgement still shocked him, the fact that he was yearning to help her in some way, shape, or form. He had always cared for his friends and he'd helped them out of a tight spot if they needed it, but he'd never had a murderer for a friend. Don't think of her that way! he snarled at himself. No. She was a... a friend, that was all. Friend. Not murderer. Not even a killer. Certainly not Cynthia's killer. And she looked so vulnerable when she blinked at him, so unguarded that he just couldn't believe anything bad of her. She could have been a serial killer and he'd probably still have been gripped with the desire to help. Geez, did she have this effect over everyone, or just temperamental and angry Fire elementals whose lives she just happened to pull out of jeopardy? "It's alright," Joshua said quietly, hearing his own voice like an echo in his mind. "Take whatever time you need to decide." He'd stay until she literally told him to get the fuck out, and if she didn't tell him to leave and wanted his company, well then she'd have it. Because he really and truly did count Nell as a friend. Not just an acquaintance any longer, but a friend. However awkward their friendship may have been.

"Think you need what?" he encouraged, his tone carrying the softness that he usually only reserved for someone like Annabel when she was upset. A caring tone, that was what it was. Nell's walls had crumbled and thus he was taking down whatever walls he had that made him irritable and closed-off all the time, trying his best to make her feel more comfortable with asking whatever she needed from him. She shocked him by leaning against him, Joshua not having expected such a gesture. Nell had always been careful with physical contact--whether it was because he always flinched when someone touched him or because he'd tried to kill her (or maybe a combination of the two) he didn't know. He didn't flinch away this time, however, sensing that the poor girl needed this. He didn't really know how to handle crying, so he was just going to do his best. Patting her shoulder and saying, 'there, there,' sounded a tad too lame for him. That was the sort of corny stuff that you saw in movies. Movies that usually didn't involve a femme who was crying because she killed her--stop it. The thought was blunt and icy in his mind.

Oh hell, he was definitely uncomfortable. On the list of top ten awkward moments, this probably ranked in the top three. He wasn't usually the type that people used as a shoulder to cry on because it was general assumption that he'd just give you more reasons to cry if you did. But they weren't giving him enough of a chance. Josh wasn't like that if he really liked you. "Don't be sorry," he said, then lied, "Is it the war that's gotten to you?" He was purposely allowing her to cover up the true reason for her being upset, giving her another alley through which she could hide. He didn't want her to have to talk about it if it was a sore subject so he was just going to go right on pretending he had no idea what had upset her. "No, I don't have to," he acknowledged. He most certainly didn't. "But if you want my company, you've got it." She didn't even have to need it--though he was getting strong vibes that she did need it. No one liked to go through this sort of thing alone. Josh... he was always alone when he broke down. So he'd be there for Nell if she wanted it.

Nell was practically bawling her eyes out. She'd never shed so much as a tear around him before, not even when she had been burned by the idiot Fire students, and so this was really all new territory for him. He had dealt with Annabel when she was sobbing hysterically, but she was his baby sister and it was different somehow. He'd also comforted his mother once when she'd argued with Patrick and fought with his father over said argument. But Patricia was a quiet crier. She'd just sat down beside her son and tried not to show it. It had been Joshua who'd wrapped his arms around her and felt the quiet tears soak his shirt. They'd talked for hours and then they'd went into the backyard and walked in her garden. He couldn't do that kind of thing with Nell he didn't think because they didn't have that sort of a comfort zone where he could hug her openly and let her cry on his shoulder. He wouldn't protest if she instigated anything--he was letting her lean on him, after all--but he didn't want to make this any more awkward than it already was. So he just settled for sitting there in silence, allowing her to appreciate his company and the fact that she was not alone as she emptied her tear-ducts of what was probably their entire supply of water.

She agreed that it was indeed the war that was getting to her, and Joshua was perfectly happy to allow her this form of comfort. You never have to know that I heard, because I'm not going to hurt you by bringing it up. It was one-sided knowledge, something about her that he knew but she wasn't aware of him knowing. It was also a rather massive and debilitating fact, and even though Joshua was conflicted at the moment on how he felt about it, he was sure of one thing: he was damn determined not to let it get in the way of what had been shaping up to be the first real trusting friend he'd had. He was fiercely protective over any sort of person that was tolerant enough to stand him for long periods of time. Nell not only put up with him despite the fact that he tried to kill her, she also saved his life. And even though she didn't feel he owed her for that, Joshua thought much differently. He couldn't repay her with anything but his loyalty. So he was sticking this one out. "I get it," he said quietly. He would have said 'I understand', but one really couldn't understand unless they were the one with the target painted on their back. "This war is hard, especially for you. Just know I've always got your back, okay?" It was one of the more kind and sincere things that Joshua had ever said to her, and he meant it in every sense. He had her back, and not just in this war.

The phone ringing made him jump slightly--it wasn't expected through the whole awkward silence of Nell's situation. Still, he relaxed and stayed quiet as she looked at it, wondering who it was but not rude enough to stare over her shoulder or to ask. He wasn't Spanish and didn't speak it, so he probably wouldn't have understood what it said anyway. Distress entered his gaze when she winced, though, wondering what could be going on. She'd said something about jail, hadn't she? Were the cops trying to get a hold of her or something? God, poor Nell. That's got to be terrifying. He actually did know what this felt like--to a degree. The gang had frequently called his cellphone after he'd turned them in. One time he'd made a mistake and picked it up, and he still got shivers when he remembered the vibrant threats of death that were whispered into his ear. He remembered something said to him when they'd tracked him down at age fifteen, "Get the message, kid? We're here to keep our promise." That's when the bat had first been swung and he'd gotten the awful scars on his ribs. Still, he wasn't going to say anything about it because he was still playing dumb about the fact that he knew she was guilty of matricide.

He didn't know the details, though, and that was the only hope he was clinging to for Nell's innocence and their odd friendship. He'd heard of Fire elementals who had accidentally set their homes on fire before, and more than a few times there had been reports of death from these incidents. Nell was an Earth elemental, but similar situations could be possible. It didn't even have to be an elemental cause. She could have been talking to her mom whilst driving and got them into a car accident. Joshua truly had no idea. But he never would have suspected child abuse to the point where Nell had killed in self-defence. At any rate, he refused to mark her as a cold-blooded killer. She's not, and so you should stop fucking dwelling on it. He actually felt guilty for focusing so heavily on this fact, but it wasn't like he could apologise to Nell for it because she didn't have a clue what was going on in his mind right now. This was just great.

The request was a bit strange, sure, but to him it made sense. If you were having an emotional moment and someone called you, it could be frustrating. He'd broke his phone by chucking it at a wall once when he'd argued with his father about something. Then again, Joshua had a fierce temper and Nell didn't seem to have anger issues in the least (that he'd seen). "Of course," he said almost immediately, shifting so that he could hold out his scarred palm where she could deposit the offending object. "Don't go anywhere, okay?" It was a quiet request. "I can tell this wicked contraption is really giving you a hard time, so I'm going to take you up on that request now." If this phone was going to cause Nell problems, he was going to give it problems. Lots of problems. Standing up slowly, he found his joints to be a little still from sitting so still. With a scowl and a look of determination, he strolled down toward the lake and completely ignored everyone else that might have been standing around or enjoying the water. Instead, the Fire student took aim at a cliff wall angled over the lake and whipped the phone as hard as he could. It hurt his arm a little from the backlash of force, but it was worth it to see the object shatter against the cliff face, broken pieces dropping into the clear-as-glass surface and disappearing into the depths. Damn. I hope she was serious about that.

He made his way back to Nell and immediately settled beside her again, close enough that they could have looked the best of friends to anyone not aware of the situation. She'd leaned on him before and so he supposed she wanted that contact, whether it was for comfort or to keep warm in the cold winter he did not know. "That phone won't be causing you any more problems," he stated after a long moment of silence. "And if there's anything else I can do, just name it."

Each and every time Joshua ever professed the fact that he would stand up for Nell, she either thanked him or otherwise displayed her gratitude by saying that she would return the favour. At first he'd thought she was maybe just saying these things because it was common courtesy to thank people when they said nice things, but after so many times he was starting to grow accustomed to sincerity. She was teaching his stubborn mind to trust her, and this was amazing even Joshua himself. "You're worn out," he said, and it wasn't even a question because it was very clear that she was no matter the reason for her breakdown. He knew from experience that he always felt exhausted and leaden after such events, so he supposed it would be at least somewhat similar for Nell. "Let me do the protecting for a little bit," he suggested, then chuckled and cracked a strained smile to show that while he was being good-natured, he was still somewhat serious. "I think you seriously need a break from looking after everyone but yourself." And now he was being literal, because in his mind it was true. Nell spent so much time and energy making sure that everyone else in her life was okay--even complete strangers like he'd been when they'd first met--and yet he was learning that she didn't spend nearly as much time taking care of her own issues. Or maybe she did and just cried often, but he doubted the latter due to the fact that this was the first time he'd ever seen her show such raw emotion.

Joshua had no idea that she was going to regret asking him to dispose of her phone, especially since he'd done it in such a permanent and irreversible way. Perhaps he should have just went to the edge of the forest and hid it up a tree so that it was gone for now but she could go back and get it later. Unfortunately, that was not Josh Dale's way of thinking. She had seemed to really hate that phone and he had gained strong emotion toward it himself thanks to the fact it seemed to be fuelling her breakdown. Joshua didn't establish a lot of normal human connections. Some people couldn't watch death scenes in movies because it tugged their heartstrings and set them off bawling, but he'd never been like that for a long time. His emotions were deadened to most of society because they'd treated him with the same callous indifference when he'd been young and suffering. His friends, however, they restored that connection. His true friends did, at any rate. When he saw Nell crying it made his gut twist with something like sympathy, and he had such strong protests to the idea that she'd murdered her mother that he was able to stand being around her without feeling like she'd turn on him and kill him too. He didn't usually get like this. So when Nell had told him to dispose of the offending object, the Fire graduate had taken her very seriously.

Her expression might have been funny were they in any other situation, but Joshua didn't even have the slightest desire to laugh at her now. "Perhaps I did," he said simply, as good of a confirmation as any. He could also inform her that it was shattered into pieces and probably resting with the sand along the bottom by now, but he didn't think she wanted the details. All she had to know was that it was gone now and that he'd done as she asked. Poor girl seemed so exhausted and drained that he just wished there was more that he could do, but apparently there was not according to Nell herself. Or maybe there is more I can do, and she just doesn't want to be a bother. This made him feel bad for her again. Pride was such a bitch sometimes. He knew that he himself often denied any form of help just because he didn't want to admit defeat. Perhaps she just didn't want to cause him too much trouble. It really wouldn't be any trouble at all unless she asked him to do something that would land him in prison, which he couldn't really see Nell doing. But telling her all of this probably wouldn't do any good, so he just kept quiet and wondered once again at who had been calling her. That number on the screen obviously hadn't been familiar to him, and the fact that it was in Spanish meant that he didn't have a clue.

She leaned on him again, and for the second time Joshua offered no protest on the matter. Then Nell said something that surprised him, a reference back to one of the first times they'd really hung out together--albeit for something involving school, rather than anything more serious. They hadn't even been friends back then. His lips twitched slightly and this time he actually said, "Speak for yourself, walking greenhouse." He hadn't made the joke last time because he'd felt very uncomfortable. Hell, even now it was probably lost on her because of the fact she was so upset. But there, he'd said it. "Feel free to complain if it's too warm," he said, choosing his words carefully. He normally would have said something like, 'go ahead and complain if I'm too hot' and maybe thrown in a wink for good measure, but joking really wasn't what either of them seemed to be in the mood for right now. So instead he just made his meaning a lot more literally. "I barely notice the temperature, but I know you can probably tell the difference."