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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Nov 16, 2011 17:30:06 GMT -5
  Nell shook the bottle experimentally, feeling nervousness in the pit of her stomach. Prozac. She hated being on medication. She was not sick, in the body or the mind. She was not her mother. Did this make her crazy, though, that she needed something to help stabilize her emotions, to help her keep going? It’s just a phase. She prayed to god it was, because she hated this feeling. She was ungrateful, being unhappy when she had the future laid out before her. At least, that’s what she thought. Her therapist liked to convince her this was not true, but she didn’t really like talking to him much. She’d already revealed most of her secrets to a courtroom of strangers, she didn’t want any more of it.
She sighed as she placed the bottle on the kitchen counter. If she neglected taking it, she’d only become more like her mother, the woman who’d gone undiagnosed with psychotic depression. Nell was too similar in that way. Clinical depression. Mr. Therapist had told her that it was nothing bad, that it was something that a lot of people went through. He told her the Prozac would help. If I’m happy when I take it, will I just be happy because of it? It scared her as she spun the bottle around and toyed with the cap. What was she going to do with this? She didn’t want to become a medicated smiling basket case, she wanted to feel better without the help of drugs. Nell bit her lip. Since when had taken pills become so frightening?
In the end, she left them on her counter, and left her apartment building as if avoiding the responsibility. She was currently gathering together money for college tuition, but she didn’t have school right now. The air was freezing but her jacket was warm enough to protect her senstive Earth elemental body. Still, she headed to one of her places nowadays, Timmies. The interior was warm and inviting and she got a coffee, trying not to think of how she should have been taking pills with it. She paid soon after and left, taking small sips of her drink and leaning against the building’s façade. Where would she go? As of late, she’d had a lack of motivation for doing much, and she was becoming lethargic in her daily activities. She certainly wasn’t playing as many sports as she used to, and her body was simply feeling heavy. Prozac would be a pick-me-up, but not the kind she wanted. It would just trick her mind into thinking that she was happy, and she was determined not to let that happen.
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Post by mirablackfire on Nov 21, 2011 7:24:57 GMT -5
 It hadn't been that long, well Sam couldn't say that it had been months, but it had still been awhile. It was more like just a couple of days, since she had had something sweet to eat. Even though this did seem just a little out of character for the girl, it was more due to not leaving her house for a couple days. Which was due to her just being a lazy piece of poop. For some reason, the past couple of weekend just seemed to go super mega fast she just hadn't had a little bit of time to rest. With Marcus going away, Nell going and away and Aramina hanging out with her brother and his wife, because they were down for a little while, she just hadn't seen much of an excuse to actually go out side and do anything. Though, on the up side, she had been able to play quite a large amount of music, which she was really happy about.
Quickly looking out side she decided, today was the day that she would venture into the outside would of no return, or something like that. That was how it played out in her mind at this point. Grabbing her keys and purse Sam quickly ran outside, locked the door behind her and got into her car. It wasn't until then that she really didn't know was she was going to do. It was able a couple of seconds of thinking that she decided that she might as well go to Tim Hortons, as she had really loved the small cafe type place. It had always had a nice warm and home type feeling she really enjoy when going to eat and or drink there. As soon as she pulled up, right across the road from the cafe she realized that something seemed familiar. Letting it go she ran across the road, when inside and quickly placed her order, even though all she ended up getting was a hot chocolate. As soon as she got it, Sam turned around to see a very familiar face, Nell. Quickly walking over, though it was more of a fast walk due to the hot drink in her hands, she went up to Nell and said, "Hey girl, hows you?"
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Nov 22, 2011 15:57:47 GMT -5
Instead of actually drinking, Nell mainly layed with the cap of her coffee. Her bangs fell into her eyes, but she didn’t brush them back over even get irritated. Maybe I should cut it. She shouldn’t have thought of it that way—I should cut it—because she remembered when she had cut her own hair before after Tilly died and how scary it was to look like her. Esecially since Mia wouldn’t stop calling her by her deceased sister’s name. It strengthened the guilt she shouldn’t have had to feel. Memories assaulting her now, she crossed her arms, thick sleeves covering the white lines of scissor scars. Unguarded, everything affected her more easily now. Nell took a sip of her coffee. It burned. She didn’t think it hurt, but she also couldn’t tell in this state.
Sam’s voice startled her, but it was welcome at the same time. It was strange, and she knew why—a large part of her had expected never to see her best friend again. It was that part that was now thankful and incredibly happy. Unfortunately, that feeling couldn’t carry over completely to her mood. ”Hola, Señorita Sammy,” she greeted cheerfully, looking on with bright eyes. Nell tapped her hand on the table, silver ring clinking against the synthetic material, saying, ”Wanna sit? It’s been so long, chica. Well, about a week.” That was mostly an estimate—a week, give or take a few days. That’s about how long the trial had been, what she’d told her friends was a ‘vacation’ to New York. She’d have loved it to be a vacation. There was so much to see, but of course when they were there, she had been in no mood to sight see.
Moving on from these thoughts, Nell continued. ”But that’s a long time. I’m glad to be back. Vacations are exhausting.” She was rambling like she was her same old self. It was true, at least, jetlag from vacations was killer. But that wasn’t the actual truth, the real reason why she felt so tired and afflicted. Hopefully Sam didn’t think anything was odd about the fact her friend didn’t have food. Just in case, she said, ”I was just gonna order something, but I’d like to catch up with my homie first.” Nell could eat for appearances, but her tummy always hurt now so she tried not to go overboard. Overboard for her now was more than two meals a day, which was frightening considering how much the girl usually eat. For a normal person, it would be rather consternating. Seamlessly continuing, Nell asked, ”So how you been?”
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Post by mirablackfire on Dec 6, 2011 2:47:05 GMT -5
It wasn't the fact that Nell gone away that really upset Sam. It was more for the fact that she wasn't truthful about she was going there for. Just a week or so prior to this happening Sam had seen some stuff in the internet about the trail though she really hadn't done any digging due to shock. She really began to wonder wither or not some things were real , or something like that. As soon as she had seen Nell at the small cafe type thing she decided that she might as well ask, when the time was right, at least. The most important thing in her mind at this point was just to pick the right moment to ask her about it, unfortunately. It was just one of those things that she knew that she had to know about.
As soon as she had heard Nell reply to her greeting all she could think about was when she was going to bring up the subject of her current interest and just figuring this out was a pain. Though as soon as she had thought about replying the thought had left her mind. Even though it was only for a second. Sam had to think of something to say and fast, so hoping that she didn't look weird in the process she said, "It has feels like it has been forever dude," Sam said with a smile on her face, she really did think of Nell as one of her best friends and that was never going to change whatever she did but all she really wanted to know was why she hadn't told her in the first place. "Sitting sounds good right about now." Sam said rolling her ankle around just a little bit due it it being just that little bit stiff since she had hurt it a month or so ago.
"It is great to have you back!" Sam said as she punched her fist in the air and soon as she realized that she was in a public place she looked around and slowly put her fist into her pocket, hoping that everyone didn't think that she was weird. Looking back at Nell all she really could do was smile, even though it was one of those times that all you really want to do is just go and die in a corner! Though as soon as Nell had said that she wasn't going to order food that she could to Sam, that really began to make her worried! Nell was someone that ate first and thought later, for sure! This must have been such a special moment for the both of them! "Are you sure, the food does look pretty yummy?!" She said to get Nell thinking just a little, knowing that the time was near. "I didn't really do much," Sam said while rubbing the back of her neck, "What about you? Did the vacation go well?"
[/b] [/size][/justify][/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Dec 6, 2011 14:55:39 GMT -5
Rolling her head on her neck, Nell expained, ”Probably because it has!” It was strange, getting homesickness for a place she’d been living in illegally. Ironic, even. She’d missed her friends, her cat. Her neighbors had taken care of him while she was gone, and she knew that if she hadn’t returned Josh would have taken him in. She ducked her head and snorted when Sam pumped her fist, stage-whispering, ”This is why I can’t take you out in public, Sammy.” She was joking, of course, and her brown eyes glittered with light only her friends could bring. It was nice relief from the dull ache that had made its home in her chest. So she was more than glad that her best friend could join her, even though Nell didn’t feel like the best of people right then, even though she was steadily growing used to the idea that she was a terrible person.
Nell groaned, arched her back as she stretched across the table like a cat. ”You’re turning me into a fatty, Sam. You’re like the witch from Hansel and Gretel.” She smirked as she drew herself up straight again. ”Fine, fine, be right back. Do you want any food, cuz I could get you something.” Hopping up, she practically skipped over to the counter. She could have the energy once she got out, and she guessed that all the sleep she was getting helped with that. Even though she didn’t like to admit it, she knew it was because she was not physically exhausted, but mentally and emotionally strained. It’s only a strain. So it’ll get better. If there was one thing she was good at, it was hope. If she could survive all those years with her mother, she could make it through anything. Then why is it not working? All those survival skills in her head couldn’t help with this. After getting herself a BLT, she sat back at the table and plopped down as if a weight was pulling her.
She unwrapped it, nodding enthusiastically as Sam spoke. ”Well that sucks,” she said sympathetically before taking a bite of the sandwhich. She didn’t exactly want it, but she could fake it. It was like a hunger limbo. ”We gotta get you out doing something before it gets too cold to do much of anything.” In her head, Nell tried to come up with things that would be fun to do while semi-decent temperatures lasted. It was freezing almost all the time, but there hadn’t been much snow as of yet. Of course, Canada being what it was, that wouldn’t last long. Weird. I’m kind of Canadian now. Not officially, but when she finished naturalization she’d be an authentic Cannuck, and she couldn’t be prouder. She liked New York, but it had never truly been home to her. After another bite, Nell replied, ”It was nice. Saw the sites, you know…Times Square, Ellis Island, ate at all the awesome delis.” She’d mentioned she’d be be going back to New York, to better fabricate a story. And she was a liar, and it hurt that she was doing this to Sam, but she knew she had to. ”Anything otherwise interesting happen while I was gone?” she asked, licking her fingers clean. You’re lying about everything.
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Post by mirablackfire on Jan 3, 2012 3:04:32 GMT -5
Sam looked over toward her best friend and couldn’t help but sigh, “That is true, why did you have to go for so long?”
[/color] She asked while putting her head in her hands for a couple of seconds, even though she knew the reason for the long vacation! Though it was something in her mind that made Sam want to at least make the most of the situation while it could be on a good point. So as soon as she pumped her fist into the air, she couldn’t help but laugh and Nell’s reaction. “Nawwies,”[/color] Sam said trying to sound at least a little cute, “You love me anyways!” [/color] She continued while making one of those heart signs with her hands and placing it in front of her face. Laughing was the first reaction she could think of doing as soon as Sam had heard what Nell had said, though the laughter was more of a small giggle to herself as she began to shake her head in disbelief. It was once she had settled down that she raised her hands in an evil type of manner and chuckled, “Mwhaha, I am going to eat you for my dinner…”[/color] Sam chuckled while trying to sound as evil as she could. ”Could you just grab me a Hot Chocolate? I have been craving one of those!”[/color] Sam then asked when Nell had asked something about food, though Sam’s mind was on the more pressing factor of when she was going to ask about the trail. Once Nell had come back to the table with her BLT and the drink the first thing she did was take a little bit of a sip and then place the hot mug back onto the table as the contents was just that little bit too hot! Though as soon as Nell had begun to go over what she had done over her holiday in the States she could help but think that this was it. She was finally going to ask her about the trial and try to get as much as she could got of the girl, even though that sounded really bad. It was more the waiting for the right moment that was killing her and then there it was. “Well, there was something.” [/color] This was the moment that she had been waiting for, ”I saw this news cast about this trial in the States that was really big, something about a murder or something? Do you know anything about it, Nell?”[/color] [/blockquote] [/blockquote][/justify][/size] |
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Post by NELL DOE DALE on Jan 3, 2012 17:52:45 GMT -5
Nell couldn’t help but tense at Sam’s question. It was quite the dilemma. She hated to lie, but then…but then Sam was her best friend. She didn’t want to lose that, never wanted to lose that. You don’t trust her enough to understand? That wasn’t it. She was afraid that she would lose Sam’s trust. Especially if she admitted right there that she had been on trial for murder. “Hey, I killed my mother, that’s new for ya, ain’t it?” How could she do that to someone who must have thought she knew her? ”It was only a week,” she said with a wave of her hand, as if dismissing her own words. ”I’ve just been busy since then, yanno? Can’t even get a break during winter break?” She rolled her eyes, and she was lying to her best friend, a girl who she trusted and who trusted her back. This was a pretty big violation of trust, she understood that, but hopefully it would just blow over and it could be another shameful part of her history. Of course, things like that were hard to even think of with her ‘condition’. She almost grimaced at the word—she hated the fact that she was now a patient, especially since this was a mental illness. It was not a nice thing to consider with her family’s history.
Of course, Sam managed to make her feel so much better even though she was labeling herself as the worst friend in the history of friends. Still, she formed a heart in front of her chest and tilted her head. ”You’re right,” she told the fellow Earth girl. And when she thought of that seriously, it made her feel even worse. Her mind was dangerous during a time like this. ”I’ll let you eat my arm, but that’s it. Too much human meat—goes straight to the thighs.” Nell liked this semblance of normalcy, just chilling with Sam and joking around like the idiots they were. It was comforting. What wasn’t comforting was her next words, and Nell instantly knew she’d been caught in a lie. I know, she thought with trepidation, pausing in her meal. God do I know. It was incredibly unnerving to know that Sam had been aware of the trial for…god knows how long. She probably found out after Nell left. She was going to make sure what it was, though after giving the explanation Sam deserved.
Wiping her fingers off on a napkin as she stalled, Nell finally replied to her. ”I guess you found out,” she started lamely. That much was obvious. ”Yeah, I had to go to New York to stand trial for killing my mom.” Instead of the usual panic she felt—once admitting the fact that she had ended the life of the woman who gave her birth was enough to cause an episode of crying—she only experienced a sinking feeling, a sick feeling that made her appetite even smaller than it now was. ”I was acquitted, thankfully, because it was an accident. I’m…sorry for not telling you. I just…didn’t know how you would think of me. Not a lot of people like to be friends with murderers, even if the law considers it justifiable.” Especially when Jane was spreading lies about her that made it sound the opposite of justifiable. Still, she guessed she should have had more faith in her friends. Josh didn’t turn his back on her, and he didn’t even know that it was in self-defense when he first found out. ”Can you forgive me?” She seemed to be asking for forgiveness from a lot of people.
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