A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE;; harlow

Nell flipped through the pages of the book, and they made little snapping sounds as they hit each other. She scrunched up her nose, wriggled it a bit, then sighed. Yeah, this just wasn’t working for her. If only to add to that, she’d never had a formal education before. She’d been homeschooled by her father up until he left and from then on she had been on her own. Sure, she was good at things like writing and learning about history since she was so left-brained, but when it came to maths, she felt like a complete dunce. But these kinds of thoughts dragged her down, and she was an optimist. She was better than this (no, no, you’re not very good at all) and she just needed to work hard. What happened before didn’t matter—what she did now was what counted.

And what she was doing now included taking out her bun and absentmindedly wrapping her hair around a pencil, pinning it back in place as her eyes ran across lines of words she wasn’t really absorbing anymore. She’d been at it for a while now, and hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten to be. Her attention had been fully absorbed by the array of books around her and the jotted down notes. Nell had to remind herself that she didn’t need to crumble them up and stuff them into her pockets when she was finished as she had done in her younger years so her mother wouldn’t find out. But Tilly had found them once, since they shared a lot of clothes, and asked her a lot of questions about what she was doing. The girl was too naïve to understand many things. But she did know what was happening to her, what was going wrong with her body, how she was steadily slipping away into death. Great train of thought, Nell. She often did that to snap herself away when her mind wandered too far and too deeply into her past.

Luckily the coffee cup had a lid, otherwise it would have splashed out when she jumped. Hastily, she hid it under the table and looked in the direction where she’d heard the stern voice. Nell blinked. Well…she looked like a college student to her, whoever this person was. Definitely not a librarian by the way she was dressed. And then the woman laughed, and she put on her usual half-smile, though it wormed its way onto her face with a little more effort than usual. The redhead unceremoniously pulled out a chair to sit across from her at the messy table. The woman seemed sympathetic to her plight, but in usual Nell fashion, the Earth student tried to brush it off. ”Ah, just the usual cramming before a big test. School's been getting really busy, but it's nice to stay occupied.” Nope, there was nothing ever wrong with Nell Doe Shepherd. Even when she let her façade slip at times like this, she fervently denied there being anything bothering her.

Closing the book she was trying to vainly make sense of, her smile came brighter with a little more effort, eyes looking a bit less dull to put up her usual show. ”Are you a college student, by any chance? I’ve never seen you around, so…” Nell had no idea that this woman was in fact a teacher. She didn’t take her creative writing class because she was already overloaded with supplementary classes firmly based in the elements. Though English was her best subject and creative writing was something that interested her, she already had a lot on her plate. She couldn’t really have a choice in what she wanted, but she didn’t mind too much. As long as she was finally getting the education she’d never had before. "My name is Nell, by the way." As she did whenever meeting someone new nowadays, she wondered if they recognized her name from the war. But she tried not to let those thoughts get in the way. "I'm an Earth student in the twelfth grade."


(it's okay, because PFFFF STRIPED SWEATER, I FUCKING LOVE YOU! <33)

Nell realized that her reaction may have been a bit extreme. Most would have just snapped their head up real quick, but she jumped. It was the caffeine, she bet. Or rather, the gallons of caffeine running through her system and hotwiring her nerves. She was far from a coffee addict, but it certainly helped during times like this.

Snorting at the interloper’s question, Nell shook her head. With a sort-of smile, she let herself admit, ”No, not really.” Even that was a little much for her, since she wanted to keep up appearances of being perfectly fine and dandy at all times, even for this stranger. She wanted it to look like nothing ever got to her, so people would rely on he when they needed to. No one went to a total mess for help, now did they? And even though that was really the case inside—her mind was like a teenager’s room—she tried not to let it affect her outward features. Until now, it seemed. Even this older girl could see that there was something wrong. You got skills, Nell.

The fact that this stranger was passed the college stage surprised Nell. ”You should be proud, that I mistook you for a college student,” Nell joked with a chuckle that was airy from exhaustion. There should have been more energy, but it was mainly just jitteriness from the caffeine. ”Creative writing? You know, that’s actually something I’m interested in, but I couldn’t fit it into my schedule.” She was great at English when it came to creativity—understanding nonfiction and instructions like the books before her were another story. It was really a shame that she couldn’t have taken the class, because this woman seemed really nice. Not that she had problems with any of her other teachers, but still. ”Same here,” Nell returned pleasantly. A blush covered her face upon hearing praise told from her professors, the fluttering of pride in her stomach that had been such a foreign feeling for years before. ”Well, I try my best,” she said sheepishly. ”Unfortunately, I haven’t heard much about you.” She didn’t even know her name.

Which changed upon introduction. Harlow Notora, was it? Well, Nell thought that was just the coolest name. ”Professor…Notara…?” She said it slowly as if mulling something over, then took a sip from her coffee cup. Then, she shook her hand in excitement upon realizing something. ”Nevermind, I have heard about you! You’re one of the cool ones, at least that’s what my friends say.” She giggled after saying this, but again, the sound was rather drained. Still, it was there and it was sincere.

Nell leaned forward, seeing that Harlow looked a little disappointed. ”Oh, definitely next year,” she said enthusiastically, and her hands were shaking a thanks to all that coffee. They really just wouldn’t stop shaking. What the heck? In any case, she would really like t otake the class and have Harlow as a teacher. But with so many things on her plate, she didn’t even know how she’d managed thus far. Well, Josh certainly helped, but he couldn’t help with her life in general and she wouldn’t ask. It wasn’t just schoolwork that had her always stressed, after all. There was just too many things in her future to worry about, the big thing being her murder trial and the ever-pressent fear that by the end of this year, she’d be sentenced to death. Nell never tried to think about these things, the future or even the past, and stuck mainly to the present. She threw herself in everything she did, including schoolwork, with a fervent passion. She didn’t want Harlow to think that she didn’t didn’t consider creative writing to be important, so she said, ”I think creative writing is very important. It’s great, actually! Unfortunately, elemental classes come first in the mind of the Academy.” Not that she minded. She really wanted to hone her abilities so she didn’t kill anyone again. That’d be super nice.

Giggling when she saw she made the professor blush, she absent-mindedly played with the stirrer in her cup of coffee, always feeling the need to move around. Especially when hopped up on caffeine. ”Nope, nope, you’re pretty darn popular,” Nell said, furthering her always genuine compliments. She loved complimenting people, all the time. And all her compliments she felt were earned. ”Creative writing sounds like such a fun class, actually,” she sighed almost wistfully, thinking of missed chances. It would be something she was good at and she almost wished she could drop her math class for that. But math was necessary, no matter how terrible she was at it. English was good for her since she had the challenge of learning that language and Spanish at the same time. It helped her hone the knowledge of the languages and be rather good at it. Besides, her right brain thought process embraced english and history.

At Harlow’s smile, Nell let her facetwitch into one of her own. ”I can’t really take a break. I enrolled this year as a senior, so if I fall behind…I’m pretty much as good as kicked out.” She stated this all matter-of-factly, because she didn’t like to complain. Even though she was pretty much blacklisted and on Academic probation, she couldn’t complain about anything. Because the Academy had been her greatest opportunity ever. It was her sanctuary, and in a short amount of time, it had become her home. Even when half of it was out for her blood, she knew it was the only place she would ever feel like she belonged in, where she would fit in. ”So you spent many a night here, huh?” she asked with a small smile, taking a second to tip the cup to her lips, forgetting that the woman in front of her was a teacher. Because she didn’t really act like a teacher, and she didn’t look like a teacher. ”Does it ever get easier?” She asked in an easygoing manner. Like she wasn’t praying to whatever god there was that it could all just end soon.

Nell was glad that the professor didn’t seem very offended about not taking her class. If only it was possible, but such was not possible. She couldn’t even drop a class in the middle of the year to take up creative writing. The girl was pretty much stuck with what she had. Not that she minded too much, she just… Oh stop it, Nell. Complaining—even if it was in her own mind—never solved much or helped at all. It just weighed her down. Therefore, it was always optimism and looking forward to the future and all that jazz.

Nodding enthusiastically still, it wouldn’t be too farfatched if one day it just flew off her head. And now it just wasn’t her natural hyperactiveness, it was all the caffeine winding through her body. ”It is! And don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.” She crossed her arms certainly, and then added a firm, ”Because they lie.” Okay, maybe the coffee was wacking her out a little bit. Or maybe it was the stress. Or maybe it was just Nell. She could never tell, not even with herself. She just acted like this a normal basis, but with more excited hand gestures and flailing and smiling. It was amazing what workloads can do to people, especially Nell who had never experienced anything like it before. This was all very new to her, slightly scary, but she still embraced the education system as her saving grace. At least it wasn’t prison—her mother’s or otherwise. And she thought it could have been even more of a safe haven if not for the fact her father and aunt had found her. Don’t think about them. If her mind veered off the tracks now, she feared there would be no reclaiming it in this state.

Nell grinned at the response she earned from Harlow. ”I’m about to build a fort under one of these tables,” she joked. But if she considered it… It might be a fun thing to do, camp out in the library. But she doubt it would be allowed, and she’d sooner be kicked out than allowed a flashlight and some work material in her fort. It astounded Nell a bit that Harlow answered her question seriously. Of course she would, she’s a professor! she reminded herself. Nell wasn’t looking for any easy way out, she wasn’t looking for a way to cheat. No, Nell never ever cheated—in card games and in school. And she grinned as Harlow finished. ”No, I guess not,” she replied. Resting her chin atop her hand, Nell went on, ”Life wouldn’t be as interesting without challenge, not at all. No pain, no gain, yanno?” She just wished things weren’t going the way they were right now. She just wished a part of that pain wasn’t a murder trial. But there was no way to fix that.

Sitting back and hitting her spine a bit hard against the chair so that she winced, Nell decided to question Harlow out of her natural curiosity. ”What element are you in? I don’t think you mentioned it, and if you did, I’m sorry, I’m a…a bit hopped up on caffeine.” Nell shook her coffee cup a bit for emphasis. It did strange things to her, adding to all the jitteriness. Maybe she should lay off it before she gave herself a headache or passed out because of the crash.

Harlow seemed to be quite the independent woman, which Nell admired in the person. Independence was definitely a big thing with her. Unfortunately, her own emancipation came with a huge toll. But now, she had more freedom than she did before. Even if she was basically laying low off the law. In a few months, you’ll have to face the music. Thoughts of the impending trial were especially not good to think one while already jittery from caffeine, but it was always on her mind, whether she liked it or not. Intense cramming like this distracted her for short periods of time, but it always came back to grab her attention. A part of her just wanted to get it over with so she wouldn’t have to deal with the apprehension anymore, but she was stalling so she could postpone what could be a horrible fate in jail.

Ducking her head as she chuckled simply because the fact the professor was laughing at what must have been what she said about the fort, she managed to catch the librarians expression and calm herself some. She had to admit, it was strange spending time like this with a teacher, even though she didn’t look that much older than her. Nell was nearly an adult, after all, though she didn’t really look it. Darn height. She wasn’t usually self conscious about it (surprising, since she was self-conscious about most everything else), but now she was realizing that she would eventually be a five-foot-two adult, and that was like…a pigmy.

At Harlow’s next words, Nell peered up over the coffee cup she was slouched behind. Grinning, she asked, ”Is that a quote or did you come up with it yourself?” The Earth girl prided herself in all the quotes she had memorize, but it wasn’t like she had a record in her brain. Besides, she was only jesting with this easygoing teacher. In case the woman thought she had less-than-nice intentions with the comment, Nell quickly added, ”It’s a good one!” And she was glad she did add that, judging as how apologetic Harlow seemed about it. The words did well to remind her that she was still speaking with a professor here, no matter how nice and young she seemed. A part of her reminded herself that she should be on her best behavior, but the other part was too hopped up on coffee to care about it.

It wasn’t an easy task for anyone to tell who belonged in which element, especially with Wind elements. Not everyone could be completely fit into one category, and it was especially hard to discern elements upon first meetings. Of course, it was at least pretty easy with Fire ince they had such tempers, but otherwise it was difficult to tell if they were vindictive Thunders or kindhearted Earths upon first meeting. Especially if they were just untraceable as a Wind. Which it appeared Harlow was, with her slight breeze that felt good since Nell had been stuck inside most of the day. She guessed being Wind played into Harlow’s independence, for she knew that affiliation wasn’t really close-knit. Sometimes, the Earth girl found herself envying other elements, but she knew that was out of interest and earnestness. She would never want to be anything else. She decided to say this out loud. ”I really like the Wind element and how independent you guys are. Especially since you’re not susceptible or strong against any other element.” It sounded somewhat better than being super weak against Fire, while being poweful against Thunder. Of course, as a pacifist, that didn’t matter much to Nell.

As the question of her own element came up, Nell nodded her head as she seemed to like doing while high on all the caffeine she’d consumed. ”Oh yes, especially in the Academy since we’re all like a family!” She knew that Harlow probably couldn’t relate as a Wind element, so she wondered if this information interested the women. ”Plus, I wouldn’t want to be anything other than a flower child. The element means a lot to me, as I’m sure it does to everyone. I always feel right at home in a field or the woods.” Any place with a lot of vegetation, but her biggest goal was to grow her own garden. Stupid studio apartment… With hoenst curiosity since she liked learning more about others than talking about herself, ”What’s the best part about being a Wind element, you think?”