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Post by RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON on Sept 23, 2012 0:32:15 GMT -5
it's a l l about your h e a r t ! | [th] [bg=000000][atrb=border,0,true] | tag ! stark && issy ;; word count ! 659 ;;
setting ! theater 2b ;; outfit ! jeans, too-big t-shirt, cowboy boots ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b] | She always got to the movies early. Always. Knox thought she was crazy for it, but she loved watching the commercials in the beginning. She also liked having the theater to herself to a degree, being able to kick her feet up on the back of the seat in front of her and watch the over-sized screen through the space between her toes as she click her heels together and held the tops of her feet apart. It created an interesting v angle along the screen as she watched the colors in the room that, at that point, was still brightly lit. The janitors would move through the isles, cleaning up and occasionally asking to see her ticket to assure that she wasn’t trying to sneak two movies out of a single ticket. She moved her legs if they came upon the row in front of her, so they wouldn’t have to twist or bed to avoid her feet, and hopped out of their way once they came upon her aisle to clean under the seats there. She was always amazed how many people spilled popcorn or left behind candy wrappers and soda cups. Most of the time, she had her portion of popcorn as she watched the commercials and previews, then tossed out the cup in the opening credits of the movies and returned to her seat.
Before she’d arrived at the theater, she’d gone online to check what movies were playing, Finding one she felt would interest Issy, she had texted him the time and the name of the movie, in case he’d wanted to check it out, and told him she would be there in her usual seat all the way at the back if he wanted to join her. It wasn’t so much a planned date as just a possible get-together. She liked heading out to watch stuff with her boyfriend. Hell, she liked her boyfriend. She didn’t think she’d be dating him anyway if she didn’t like him. He was a rather sweet guy, bouncy and dreamy and interesting. He wasn’t a bad kisser anyway, which she appreciate. She was probably kiss-addicted. It was one of the things that she insisted on doing whenever she saw him, as hello and as goodbye. Besides, it wasn’t like kissing would be bad for the relationship. It emphasized the romance of the relationship, that they were more than friends. She was just friends with Knox. She would probably never kiss him unless she was drunk, and she knew he would never kiss her. He wasn’t interested in her in that way. That might have irritated or offended her a little, had she not known that he didn’t have eyes for any woman whatsoever.
But then, Raine didn’t need a man. She had one. She liked being with him. And, honestly, the only thing she generally missed out of a relationship was the kissing. She had the emotional intimacy with Knox, and one that she usually had to work for with any other person she met. It helped that they had known each other a few years already and that they had hid it off pretty much immediately when they had met. The part that irritated her about that relationship was only how much pleasure her parents had taken in it. She had been quite horrified when she found out that their meeting had been planned by their parents with the very intention of sticking the two together forever. Sure, if she were lesbian, she’d be fine with it. They could have a lavender marriage. They’d be perfectly happy together, getting the emotional connection from one another and going out and screwing a stranger every once in a while to get rid of those pesky little sexual desires. She snorted, earning a glance from one of the janitors. She blew the man a kiss. Hopefully Issy would get here soon. Hopefully, he’d come at all. |
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Post by ISRAEL JEREMIAH VALENTINE on Sept 24, 2012 11:32:11 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent, width: 400px; height: 300px;] be my friend help, i have done it again. i have been here many times before. hurt myself again today. and the worst part is there's no one else to blame. be my friend. hold me, wrap me up. unfold me, i am small and needy. warm me up and breathe me. ouch, i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found. yeah, i think that i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe. 
the text scared him. usually, he loved getting texts from his girlfriend, but as his phone vibrated on his bedside table his first thought was that she found out. that somehow, through some psychic cognition, she had figured out what he'd done. he trusted knox enough to believe that he wouldn't tell raine but...what if he did? they were best friends, and best friends told each other everything. he didn't really have a best friend, he didn't think, but he'd always considered knox's his. who he now kissed. you need to stop doing that to yourself.
he sighed after telling her he'd be there. now or never. he should have been excited to see her, he loved raine. she was a good way to boost his mood, guaranteeing. he was pretty sure she had that effect on everyone with how nice and bubbly she was. he imagined her to be the paragon of water behavior, the perfect example of her element. and it was rather ironic that there was no perfect example of his own. they were all over the place and he imagined them as the neurotic element. he felt that way right now as he dressed himself, preparing for the cold temperature of the theater. it was still summer, but he wasn't going to walk in with shorts and a t-shirt, he knew better. plus, he didn't often wear shorts.
unfortunately, dressing himself and getting ready gave him time to think. right now, thinking was his worst enemy. it made him remember how horrible he was to his girlfriend, how he had betrayed her and she didn't even know. luckily, as he walked through the house no one seemed to be around. it was normal for them, especially lately. he couldn't say when he last saw his father outside of dinner. that was the only time that they got together, because it felt like a requirement of family, like that was what they were supposed to do. it didn't feel right, though, they didn't feel like a family. as much as he tried to make conversation with them, his mother seemed completely catatonic and he had long since given up talking to his father. there was no 'talking' between them, just arguments. and it exhausted issy. he didn't know what to do with the poor state of his family.
and now the state of his relationship was even worse. raine didn't know it -- he hoped she didn't -- but it was true. he could still feel knox's lips against his, and he knew what it meant. he didn't want to break up with raine. but there was no way he could be with her, as lovely and beautiful and great a person she was. thinking about her positive qualities made him remember why he liked her so much, but then he also remembered that she wasn't knox. that was the difference. she wasn't the boy who'd filled up his childhood with, that he spent the most time with, the boy whose shy smiles made his heart break. and there was no way he could ever look her in the eye while staying in a relationship he had not been loyal to. he could not pretend with her, could never do that to the girl he cared about so much.
he got his ticket and headed to the theater, knowing that she would already be there. issy liked to make it for the previews, but he didn't care much for the commercials before the previews, or even the music before then just after the last movie ended.he and raine were dissimilar in that. walking in, he headed down to where he saw her alone and slid in to the row behind her, leaning down and saying, "boo," in her ear before kissing her cheek. he didn't think he could kiss her on the mouth, not without thinking of knox or the fact that he didn't even deserve to kiss her anywhere.
he walked around so he could sit next to her, placing his tub of popcorn on the floor. it would be finished before the previews, that went without saying. "any interesting commercials, because you'll have to fill me in," he said, trying to make conversation, a sort of lead in to the real important things that he needed to say. he just didn't know a good segue. "this movie is going to be great, hey i kissed your best friend." even the thought of saying it like that made his gut twist. his thoughts were his enemy, and he just wanted to turn them off because it was getting difficult to deal with the guilt and the self-loathing. all he wanted to do was apologize to her, and he wanted this to end well but didn't know how it could. cheating was that unspeakable sin, even when it was just a kiss. it was just a mistake, and he had enjoyed it too much.
tag: raine . notes: issy is full of angst . outfit: jacket and jeans. |
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Post by RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON on Sept 30, 2012 15:08:24 GMT -5
it's a l l about your h e a r t ! | | [th][bg=000000][atrb=border,0,true] | tag ! stark && issy ;; word count ! 891 ;;
setting ! theater 2b ;; outfit ! jeans, too-big t-shirt, cowboy boots ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b] | Raine was addicted to kissing and she wasn’t ashamed of it. She enjoyed it. Very few people would complain if their girlfriend enjoyed kissing them, in her experience. She made sure she breathed her teeth on a regular basis (twice a day, four minutes each) and that her breath didn’t stink from food by using sugar-free gum occasionally. She did her best to make that pleasant for the people she kissed which had been limited, in the past few months, to her boyfriend. She wasn’t about to go kissing other people, mostly because she wasn’t aware of any reason that Issy would have to complain about her kissed. She knew was a good kisser. She had enough experience for it. She knew he wasn’t too bad at himself either, so she saw no reason not to kiss him as much as she wanted to. So, when he surprised her (she jumped slightly in her seat when he said “boo”) and kissed her on the cheek, it really wasn’t enough for her. She pouted at him. “Don’t I get a real kiss?”
Not allowing him to answer, she instead slid into his lap as soon as she found his seat, kicked her legs over the armrest on his other side, and hooked an arm around his neck to pull him down. The goal, for the entire endeavor, was to plant a thorough kiss on his mouth to supplement the unsatisfactory kiss on the cheek he’d given her. Once that was accomplished (or not, if he was being stubborn and odd), she settled against him with her head against his shoulder. “So what’s up with you today?” she wondered, looking up at him but too lazy to sit up properly to make their eyes meet unless he moved. She hoped she wasn’t too heavy for him, that this wouldn’t be uncomfortable for him, but she wasn’t sure. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she’d had sat in his lap. Not that it mattered, honestly. They still loved each other and that was the part that was important. Of course, she didn’t think they were the types to get married, especially in or right out of high school. Marriage was the kind of talk that would make her want to drop a boyfriend like a hot potato. She wasn’t ready for it yet and anyone she dated needed to understand that.
Issy understood her surprisingly well. He had that knack, like Knox did, except he, unlike Knox, was actually open to dating a girl. She’d crushed on her best friend for a while, but finding out he wasn’t interested and never would be had quite successfully canceled that out. Why pine after someone who wasn’t interested in your sex? It was just pointless. So she’d had other boyfriends. When her parents knew of the boyfriends, they generally disapproved, but that was mostly because they wanted her to marry Knox, which wasn’t happening except as a very last resort. They’d made plenty clear they weren’t going to disown her over it, but that they preferred it enough to make her life hell in other ways. Issy hadn’t met them yet, partially because she didn’t want to scare him off. She liked him enough to not want to submit him to something like when it was completely unnecessary. He’d hear stories. Knox would surely back them up if she ever mentioned.
Which reminded her. She brightened, grinning at him. “So, how was the study session? Was Knox helpful? I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to him yet.” |
[/color] She’d set it up because she knew Issy was having issues in school and she wasn’t likely to be helpful unless he wanted to spend hours on end poring over the books. Knox, on the other hand, was much quicker than she was and therefore much more likely to be of any assistance to Issy if he ever got past his stutter. She hoped that, considering they weren’t strangers, Knox wouldn’t be quite as nervous helping Issy out with his studies. He was better around friends than around strangers. Moreover, he knew that Raine was dating him, and he hopefully trusted her judgment enough to assume that Issy wasn’t a bad guy. Because he really wasn’t. “As for commercials,” she replied thoughtfully, regarding the screen she’d momentarily forgotten about. She pursed her lips, mind running through the memories. “Oh. There was this one condom commercial. Oh, I know, so immature, but I thought it was hilarious. It was a hooker who accidentally showed up t this six-year-old’s birthday party. And the six-year-old mistook her for a clown, but she went along with it because, I’m guessing, she hated her job. And she used condoms to make balloon animals.” She burst into giggles, finding it far more amusing than perhaps she should, but she also felt that there was something about him that needed to smile and laugh and giggle. He seemed overly tense, and she wanted him to relax. She wanted him to be happy, and he seriously didn’t seem like he was nearly as happy as he usually was, which was enough to put a damper on her laugh as she studied him. How could she be a good girlfriend if she wasn’t perceptive enough to pick up on his moods?[/div][/color][/size][/font][bg=000000][atrb=align,justify][atrb=border,0,true][/td][/tr] [tr][td] notes ! oh, and the commercial was inspired by this video  I swear its PG-13 and a cartoon~ it just has some implications :3 ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b][atrb=cellspacing,0,true,bTable][atrb=cellpadding,10,true][atrb=width,410,true,bTable][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by ISRAEL JEREMIAH VALENTINE on Oct 11, 2012 14:12:31 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent, width: 400px; height: 300px;] be my friend help, i have done it again. i have been here many times before. hurt myself again today. and the worst part is there's no one else to blame. be my friend. hold me, wrap me up. unfold me, i am small and needy. warm me up and breathe me. ouch, i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found. yeah, i think that i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe.
despite all the conflicting feelings, he didn't think he could ever stop feeling happy when he saw raine. she just made him happy with her presence. maybe she was just that kind of person, but he was sure they shared a certain kind of bond. didn't that just make all this worse? his thoughts needed to really leave him alone, otherwise he was going to turn into a wreck. that's what he felt like, a complete and total mess. especially when she asked about a real kiss, and he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. not now, and not ever again because he knew it wouldn't ever be the same.
it simply got worse when she sat in his lap, clearly determined for the kiss. he wrapped his arms around her middle, wishing that he could take everything back just to make this easier. he didn't want the guilt, and so he tried his best to make the kiss as short as possible before pulling away, the best way to make it chaste. he still kept his arms around her waste. he didn't want it to be too obvious that there was something up. not before he was ready to talk. of course, the shortened kiss made it pretty obvious. he knew how fond his girlfriend was of kissing, and he had always been willing to oblige her. his half-rejection was nothing short of strange. "oh you know, just laying in bed trying to be a complete waste of space. fun stuff. thanks for saving me." he squeezed her. he could have gone into full rant and told her how he had gotten into a minor spat with his dad. only minor because issy was very passive aggressive and instead of direct confrontation, just made backhanded comments. the boy spared her, though, because he would get into worse things today. much worse. and he was scared. gut twisted, he once again went over all the ways this could go down, and none of them actually sounded good.
it got even worse when she mentioned knox, positively lit up and he remembered that this all had been her idea in the first place. it was something like a horrible irony. "it was good. still pretty nervous about this school year, but knowing i've got a tutor is...reassuring." he sure was nervous, but not about that. well, maybe he was but it wasn't bad enough to really get him messed up. "and it's nice to get back in touch with an old friend." he withheld from coughing awkwardly after that, as if he needed to be anymore suspicious. it really was making him feel so much more worse, her looking so happy and pleasant. he needed to stop this, he needed to get it over with instead of thinking about how much of a dick he was.
israel could not help from laughing at the commercial description. maybe it was from the absurdity of it. or maybe he just really needed to let loose. and he loved to see raine laugh, but the constant reminders that she shouldn't be happy with him just screwed it up. it was now or never. "and apparently now this is okay to show," he said after the laughing died in his throat. it was a condom commercial, but really. that was crazy. "but it looks like we have some time before the movie, and... i need to talk to you about something." maybe it would have been smarter to wait after the movie, but he would feel even worse if he waited. "just...know that you can totally hate me. i won't blame you, i'll completely understand." he took a pause, dropping his hands from her. "i kissed knox." he said it, he went right in, and that was that. it didn't make him feel better, though.
tag: raine . notes: that video tho xD . outfit: jacket and jeans. |
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Post by RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON on Oct 13, 2012 20:16:06 GMT -5
it's a l l about your h e a r t ! | | [th][bg=000000][atrb=border,0,true] | tag ! stark && issy ;; word count ! 957 ;;
setting ! theater 2b ;; outfit ! jeans, too-big t-shirt, cowboy boots ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b] | He pulled away quickly. Too quickly. She blinked at him. At least he hadn’t evaded the kiss entirely—that would almost have been worse. Almost. But this was still a bit suspicious. Normally, he’d kiss her and let her kiss him pretty much until she’d had her fix, her temporary fill. She bit her lip, watching him, consternation building up in her eyes as they covered the expanse of his face. She moved a hand to stroke his cheek with her thumb. When he was upset, she’d usually give him another kiss, meaning to be comforting and because she was horribly selfish. But if he was avoiding her kisses already, that couldn’t possibly be a good choice. She considered asking in regard to his welfare, but thought better of it when he seemed to push past any possible dejection and tried to make a joke.
The blond cracked a smile. “I’ll save you anytime you like. Just don’t confuse me for some religious idol.” She winked at him and elbowed him lightly in the side, still smiling, but feeling as if that smile were extremely at risk. She didn’t want to hit a sore spot with him, but that was hard because she didn’t know what his sort spot in this case happened to be. Was he upset with her? Nothing came to mind that might have caused him to be angry. Unless he hadn’t wanted her to kiss him, though that seriously didn’t make sense. He didn’t usually mind her kisses and the worst thing her breath could smell or taste of was soda. He liked soda, last time she checked. So what was the problem? Jeez, his problem was starting to make her seriously nervous. She didn’t want him to be upset. She preferred it when he was in a good mood. She liked his smile. It was one of the things that had attracted her to him in the first place. He smiled rather beautifully (though apparently “beautiful” wasn’t a word you were supposed to apply to guys) and rather often. It fit well with her, a girl who smiled just as frequently and just as largely (she wasn’t about to brag about her own smile in any way or form).
He wasn’t helping her much, though. Even when he was talking about Knox, he didn’t sound very confident. Maybe the year sounded that daunting, and he was just remembering the possible trouble he might have. She hoped that Knox and Issy would work out rather well, especially since they had been friends. She tried to play along though. “So he behaved himself and actually talked to you?” she asked, trying to make a joke of her friend’s shyness.
At least he laughed at her description of the commercial. She was grinning so much her cheeks almost hurt. “I know, right? Maybe I accidentally invited you to an r-rated movie. But wait, I’m not old enough to watch those yet. Just a month.” She bounced in his lap. “I cannot wait to turn 18. Does it feel awesome?” She lifted an eyebrow at him and poked his stomach lightly, hoping it wouldn’t make him throw up into her lap. He looked nervous enough to almost turn green, but that didn’t seem right either. “We’ll all be the same age for a little while. And yet we’re all in different grades. Funny how that works out, isn’t it?” She was still smiling, though her cheeks weren’t hurting anymore because she was starting to fight to keep the grin on her face.
The smile disappeared altogether when he opened his mouth again. She swallowed. “What’s wrong?” |
[/color] Her thumb slid across his cheek again, and she adjusted to slide against his chest, trying to offer comfort through shared body warmth or something, anything. He just looked so upset. Maybe she was reading into it a bit because she was suddenly nervous as well. Whenever someone said “we need to talk” it usually meant something bad was about to happen. Was he breaking up with her? Oh god, she really hoped that wasn’t the case. She was just so happy with him and maybe this was a freak thing and he was just trying to convince himself that they weren’t meant to be or something. He was too big into true love for her to convince him that it was ridiculous to think of it like that, but maybe he’d reconsider. The girl stood and leaned against the chair that was in the row beneath him, facing him, her arms wrapped around herself. She didn’t want to hear whatever he was trying to say. “You… you kissed Knox,” she repeated before she even comprehended what it was he’d said. She stared at her shoes, not sure how to take it. Her boyfriend had kissed her best friend and she was trying not to overreact but she really didn’t know how to react. Her arms slid away from her waist and to grasp the bit of the chair poking out on either side of her hips as she tried to make sense of the statement. She didn’t know what to say. How had Knox reacted? Had he given away his secret? Hopefully not. He guarded it so carefully. And even if he had, she needed to keep up the facade that she didn’t know just in case. So let’s sound like a bigot for a minute, shall we? She inflated her cheeks for a minute and ran a hand through her hair. “But… but why? You… you’re both guys, I mean.” And then there’s me. You have a girlfriend who’s addicted to kissing and you kiss her best friend instead? She was confused more than she was hurt.[/div][/color][/size][/font][bg=000000][atrb=align,justify][atrb=border,0,true][/td][/tr] [tr][td] notes ! Raine wanted to continue rambling, but I think I’ll save a proper analysis for the next post xD She’s still in shock here ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b][atrb=cellspacing,0,true,bTable][atrb=cellpadding,10,true][atrb=width,410,true,bTable][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by ISRAEL JEREMIAH VALENTINE on Oct 17, 2012 20:58:14 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent, width: 400px; height: 300px;] be my friend help, i have done it again. i have been here many times before. hurt myself again today. and the worst part is there's no one else to blame. be my friend. hold me, wrap me up. unfold me, i am small and needy. warm me up and breathe me. ouch, i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found. yeah, i think that i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe.
israel felt like the master of making things horrible awkward. at least him making their kiss weird wasn't as bad as cheating on her. it was all he could think of, and so he was wondering what was on her mind. was she thinking about how much she liked him? it was like a punch in his gut. he hoped she liked him, really really did, but he didn't deserve that anymore. and not in the way that this relationship would be appropriate. his emotions were a confused not, and he knew the sooner the better. but he didn't want to come out with it, wanted to hide because the guilt was surely better than what was to come.
every word just made this worse, every sentence that came from her mouth because she was just too great, too good for her. of course she would save him, of course she would want to do something like that. she was the kind of person that would be there for her boyfriend in times of need, and he was the kind of boyfriend that made a huge mistake that he just couldn't forgive himself for. and he kind of wished that she wouldn't forgive him either. would that make this all easier? would it make it better? "thank you so much," he said melodramatically, sounding like he was bordering on a sob. issy felt the ghost of her elbow in his stomach, and it was as if his guilt was physically manifesting to punish him. i shouldn't be pretending like this, just come out with it. he tried to console himself that cheaters had done much worse, had actually slept with other people and it was a kiss. a not so innocent kiss, but still just a kiss.
and he wished he could kiss her and reassure her, but that would hurt both of them in the end. the question about knox, though, was another crushing blow. another reminder. another nail in his coffin. "he spoke a little, but not without that stutter."[b/] he forced the fond smile off his face. raine probably wouldn't read much into it, but it would make him feel even more like a dick. "but you know, he never does speak for more than three words in a row." he laughed afterward because he was far from making fun of the boy. no, it was too adorable how shy he was, and in issy's mind he resembled a deer cautious of the humans around him. and knox would make the cutest deer.
and raine was adorable, too, bouncing up and down like an excited child even when she exclaimed how she couldn't wait to be an adult. the smile did flutter back to his lips then, just as small as before as he playfully batted her hand away from his stomach. "thanks for reminding me that i'm a total pedophile," he said before even thinking about it. the wind student almost winced. it was almost terrible, and he wanted to take it back because it wasn't that way anymore. he'd changed their relationship and she didn't even know it yet. "it does feel good, but it would feel even better if i could get into bars in bc. when you become an official adult, we'll have to plan a roadtrip to quebec." if she even wanted to talk to him anymore. if they could be friends after he totally destroyed what good they had. and it was so good, he wouldn't deny it. but she wasn't what he wanted. "kind of stinks that we can't all be in the same classes together or anything, though," he mused honestly, because he liked raine and knox. they were important to him, always had been. they were like a triad, now that he was back with knox.
but that was the problem. knox. the boy wasn't the actual problem, no, it was israel's feelings for him and the fact he didn't know what to do with them. and the fact that now he had said it out loud, he didn't know where to go on. what to say. how to say it. wasn't he usually more artful? he certainly was whenever talking to raine about how much he cared for her, when he was being romantic. he didn't know how to be the opposite. he didn't know how to break hearts. he felt cold when she stood, leaning against the chair to face him. issy felt like he couldn't meet her eyes, so ashamed that they immediately fell to the floor to stare at her boots. he swallowed, ran his hand down over his face, scratching at his beard. it wasn't easier now that he'd gotten it off his chest. it might have been worse.
as she repeated his words, he let his eyes go back to her, watching her carefully. intently. every movement as she moved her hands and gripped the seat. every breathe, trying to see just how bad she would react. and that wasn't all of it, no. it wasn't just a kiss. but she looked like she was just trying to figure it out. when raine puffed out her cheeks, he swallowed hard again. and there was so many ways he could answer her question. just so many words, and he didn't even know which ones to use. "i..." he breathed deep and decided that he would start from the beginning. "when we started going out, i felt so many things for you, and i never stopped. you are so beautiful and funny and nice and...you're all i wanted." he brushed a hand through his hair, uneasy. "but then i saw knox, and i remember how much i always liked him and even though we fell out of touch and i forgot those feelings, they never actually went away. i mean, i've never cared about gender. if i like someone, that's all she wrote." he stopped, stared at her like a deer caught in headlights. he wasn't making this right, was he? this was not how he should be talking right now.
he reached out and took her hand in both of his, learning forward on his legs. "raine, i am so sorry for what i did to you and i really hope that you can forgive me." he licked his lips before continuing, "i just...with how i feel about knox, i think i really only loved you like a friend loves a friend. and i don't want to hurt you by staying in a relationship like this. you deserve so much more" his eyes held all of the guilt he was feeling in that moment as he held her hand, hoping that she understood that this wasn't how he had wanted it from the beginning. he hadn't been leading her on, he had wanted this. but knox changed the game. he'd always like the boy, and it just seemed he'd forgot the feelings when they stopped seeing each other. they never actually left, though. even if knox didn't feel the same way, issy didn't want to lead raine on. he didn't want to hurt her any more.
tag: raine . notes: so many feeels . outfit: jacket and jeans. |
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Post by RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON on Oct 28, 2012 17:27:07 GMT -5
it's a l l about your h e a r t ! | | [th][bg=000000][atrb=border,0,true] | tag ! stark && issy ;; word count ! 1 087 ;;
setting ! theater 2b ;; outfit ! jeans, too-big t-shirt, cowboy boots ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b] | Ignorance wasn’t very blissful. She was wondering why something seemed to be wrong with him, why he wasn’t telling her. She didn’t want to reveal just how worried she was about him. Maybe he didn’t want to tell her because it was private, because he wasn’t able to handle it yet. Maybe… maybe it involved her. She hoped she hadn’t done anything wrong, couldn’t think of anything she had. So why was he acting like some cop was moments away from coming over to arrest him? Even his thank you seemed unnecessarily melodramatic, though perhaps it was just the suspicion that made her think so. Usually, she wouldn’t complain about someone being melodramatic when she knew they were joking around. She thought melodrama could be really funny. Except this time, she worried because she was already worried, and didn’t bother replying to that.
Instead, she focused on his attitude toward Knox. She was always curious how other people reacted to Knox, even when they were his friends. She knew some were irritated by his utter inability of speaking with people. She knew the stutter could make it hard to understand him, though she also appreciated that the boy had managed to get past his stutter with her, though it could still appear when she made him nervous or when she elicited the blush that amused her more than it honestly should. She thought it was kind of cute that Israel seemed almost to like it. “That’s why I’m so loud, silly. I have to compensate for how quiet he is.” She allowed a short laugh. She knew he was exaggerating (though long sentence did make it difficult for Knox not to stutter even around her) but she also agreed with him. It did surprise her that Knox wasn’t comfortable enough around Israel to avoid that stutter. It was a little sad, she thought, but it could always be worse. “Don’t worry about it. The more he tutors you, the less he’ll stutter, unless you make him uncomfortable. Though the blush is worth it. Isn’t he just adorable when he blushes?” She grinned at him, picturing it in her mind. She certainly thought so.
“You know, I never thought it was fair that the older person got in trouble when the kid went after them,” she complained, and kissed him again just because she couldn’t resist. She liked the sensation of his mouth against hers, soft, smooth, because they fit together so well. Some kisses were just awkward, because his lip was too big to fit along her mouth properly, or hers were too full to mesh with his in just the right way. But she liked kissing Issy because his mouth had the right shape. “Don’t feel like a pedophile,” she ordered, running her forefinger along his upper lip, tracing the little bow in it. “Because I’m chasing you, too.” She wrapped her arms around him in a hug again and squeezed, grinning at him before she dropped to rest her cheek against his shoulder, tracing shapes on the back of his neck with her forefinger. “Ooh, I like the sound of a road trip. Bet that’ll be fun. Knox will be the designated driver. He won’t want to drink anyway. Not that he can’t if he wants to. I just can’t picture him being interested, you know?” He should know. She suspected that the two knew each other fairly well, which was always a good thing. Maybe she was just stereotyping. Did all the richy riches know each other? Certainly seemed like it.
She laughed at the class thing, but didn’t want to point out the difference in grades again. She worried sometimes that being held back bothered him more than he liked to admit. He was supposed to be in the same grade she was, if she remembered correctly. Of course, it was more amusing this way, that they were all the same age and that they were all in different grades at the same time. It wasn’t quite irony, but whatever.
What he was telling her wasn’t funny, though. It had quite the opposite effect. She wanted a hug, but she also felt as if something inside her would fall apart if she let him hug her—if she let anyone hug her, to be honest. She swallowed, feeling as if something was obstructing her throat. The compliment train wasn’t helping her. If she was just that great, why had he done this? She understood that he didn’t care whether someone was male or female. She was curious about a homosexual relationship to understand that, but this bothered her. It didn’t bother her because he was crushing on a boy instead of her, a girl, even though she couldn’t really compete with a guy. She had the v where Israel was currently appreciating a p. But it was fine. It had to be fine. It had to be. Because it bothered her because he was crushing on her best friend and he hadn’t even broken up with her first. Maybe she’d be hurt if that were the case, too, but this way… she almost felt as if he thought that he couldn’t talk to her.
She shook her head, rubbing at her arm. No. No, she wasn’t going to complain. She would be happy for him. She wanted them to end up happy, after all. Why did they have to be happy separately? They could be happy together. They could be. They would be. She hoped they would be. She forced a smile and went to sit down next to him again, squeezing his hand. “It’s fine,” she murmured after a moment. She squeezed his hand again. She was hoping he wasn’t going to try and hug her. She didn’t want the hug right now. She didn’t want whatever it was to break. She was fine. “I just want you to be happy, you know.” It was true. It just sort of sucked that he wasn’t happy with her. “Though I think it’s a bit ironic that you’re breaking up with me.” She chuckled dryly, not honestly amused by it. She didn’t want to call him a cheater either. She was just rambling weird things. She didn’t know what to say, but the truth, though she also felt that she was lying simply by omitting that this seemed to be hurting her more than it really did. “And just for future reference, the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ spiel generally sounds like BS.” |
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Post by ISRAEL JEREMIAH VALENTINE on Oct 31, 2012 6:46:44 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent, width: 400px; height: 300px;] be my friend help, i have done it again. i have been here many times before. hurt myself again today. and the worst part is there's no one else to blame. be my friend. hold me, wrap me up. unfold me, i am small and needy. warm me up and breathe me. ouch, i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found. yeah, i think that i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe. Issy wanted her to stop talking about Knox. It would be easier. It would be perfect. It would ease the guilt at least somewhat, even though it couldn't ease completely. "Good to know that you're so adaptable." He was still able to joke, at least awkwardly. Not as comfortable as he would be. And he wished it were different in that moment, he wished he could pull her closer and lean his cheek against her hair. But it wasn't happening. "Positively cute and cuddly," he said with a childish voice. "I feel like we're discussing a Care Bear, not a human being." Mentioning what they were talking about was his hopeful way of trying to get it to stop. He couldn't take all this, not right now. Al he needed to do was get it off his chest, and he was being a coward. That was what he was doing then, being an absolute chicken. He didn't want to really lose her, not completely. The Wind student knew he needed her in his life, it just wouldn't be the same if he couldn't talk to the girl. And that would be the most painful thing of all.
The way his stomach clenched made him sick. Raine in no way made him felt that way. She was beautiful l, smelled good, but he wanted to retch. And it was all because of what he did to her. "Because they're a kid," he murmured, smiling a bit before allowing her to kiss him, reciprocating only gently. Only so she could have it. His often-swollen lips knew that she enjoyed kissing, and though he felt nothing behind it but friendliness, he wanted to at least give that to her. And the way she traced his lip would have before made him thankful that they were in a dark movie theater and he could do what he wanted with her (to an extent) without anyone knowing. Now he just wanted her to stop for both their sakes. "You would make one bad lawyer," he told her, shaking his head and hoping to discourage her a bit by not being as affectionate as he normally would have been. It didn't matter. Her arms were around his neck and he felt even sicker. All her gentle touches, the swirling motions that made the hairs on his body stand on edge, they made him ill. Israel held her lightly to him. "A road trip?" he sounded amused, mainly because of the randomness. For a moment, he let him entertain the possibility of them being a triad. A group of great friends, wreaking havoc in Canada. "That means we get to party as much as we won't right? Get completely plastered and blast classic rock with the windows down? Sounds like a plan to me." Except that it didn't. Not really. He couldn't map out his life right now, not as easily as he had been able to before -- he knew he would marry, have a family, work as a relationship guru and happily ever after would come with that whole package. What now?
Israel remembered certain things at the oddest of times. Though thinking about it, perhaps now wasn't as odd a time as he might first think. In any case, he remembered when he was five and he had pieced together a little plan that, in all his youthful naivete, he expected to pull off without a hitch. He wanted to take back the Cheetos that had been confiscated from him when his father had caught him eating them before dinner. Well, at first, he did pull it off. He nabbed it from the high shelf with the help of a chair and the counter, made off with it to continue to ruin his dinner. However, when he heard footsteps coming up, he quickly made to hide the bag under his pillows. His father came in, and though it had not been obvious to child Issy, it was obvious that the man had already known that he stole the Cheetos back. And so when he was question, the young boy fiercely shook his head, denied the accusations. Then, his father said something that stuck with him. He said, "If you lie, God will turn your tongue black." That had been enough for Israel to stick his tongue out in fear and speak around it, his admittance that he had indeed stole his junk food back.
That childlike fear is what sitting her admitting his disgrace to Raine felt like. He had lied for only a short amount of time, between the space of the study session and this moment with Raine. But that wasn't the point. It felt like he would be somehow punished for it, but more than that, he should be punished for it. The way that he had been sure God would smite him with tongue-blackening might. He didn't know whether to look her in the eyes, or avert them. Israel didn't want to see anything in her face, didn't want to know what he'd find there. It sounded bad as it left his lips. He was leaving her because of a guy. That was a terrible thing to say to a woman. "You're not good enough, I want your best friend." But that wasn't what he wanted to say at all, that wasn't the truth of the situation. She was enough, would be enough for any man, but she was different from what he wanted. What he needed. And he didn't even realized he wanted or needed Knox until his eyes fell on the boy and his breath caught in his throat and somehow he became a self-conscious child instead of the confident high school student he was. He had been enamored with Raine, and it hadn't been a delusion, but now he was beginning to realize things he had buried away from so long. And it was crushing him. What was it doing to her?
Feeling like the wretched human being he fully believed himself to be, he almost pulled away at the touch of her hand. Her words. It's fine. He looked up, before closing his eyes and shaking his head, letting himself appreciate the pressure of her hands. The comfort. He loved her, but not the right kind of love. Not the kind she needed. "It isn't," he said softly. It never would be, even if she reassured him a thousand times. But she went on, and he kept his eyes on her this time, listening as she spoke. Like she brushed it off. It made his eyebrows furrow as he sorted through his thoughts. She wanted his happiness, and he could return that feeling whole-heartedly but...it surprised him. There was no yelling. No anger. No "did you think of me or how I felt", no "Wasn't I good enough?" This wasn't what he had braced himself for. He had expected a storm, yet he felt only drizzle.
Taking a breath, he held her hand and rested his forehead against it, letting a short peal of laughter come from his throat before his eyes met hers again. "You never cease to surprise me, Raine," he said with a crooked smile. A weight started to feel like it was being lifted off his chest, though it still confused him to no end to find out just how far Raine's good-hearted personality could go. He was trying to dissect it in his head, turn it over, inspect it. Just how could she? "And as much as it is BS, it's absolutely true. I mean, you're great. Obviously, by the fact you're not taking off your shoe and beating me with it." It had been what he wanted, actually. It would make a lot more damn sense than this situation, but at least he could get out of this without a concussion. And some kind of hope. That would certainly be nice. "So I guess I'm forgiven?" he questioned, lifting an eyebrow at her, appreciating her wry smile for all it was worth. She really was beautiful.
tag: raine . notes: ASDFGHJKL; THESE TWO . outfit: jacket and jeans. |
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Post by RAINE SOPHIA ELLISON on Nov 19, 2012 1:31:45 GMT -5
it's a l l about your h e a r t ! | | [th][bg=000000][atrb=border,0,true] | tag ! stark && issy ;; word count ! 1 376 ;;
setting ! theater 2b ;; outfit ! jeans, too-big t-shirt, cowboy boots ;; [cs=2][bg=060606][atrb=border,0,true,b] | “Good thing I’m not going into law then,” she retorted, rolling her eyes. No, she had absolutely no interest in law. Criminal law or any other law that meant a court room unnerved her because it meant speaking in front of people. Her stage fright was likely to kick in when that happened. Contract law just sounded really boring. And she honestly couldn’t think of any other type of law there was out there that didn’t fit into one of the two categories, if not both. So she had decided she definitely wasn’t going to be a lawyer, though she could afford the education. She wanted to go into drama, though she didn’t want to be an actress either. She wanted to be the magic behind the scenes. The director. Maybe the stage manager. Maybe she’d even try working the lights or the sound or painting the set or sewing a costume. There was so much to do, after all, to get a musical or a play underway, and it wasn’t all acting. No, no, no. Acting was only a small part of it. Great acting couldn’t necessarily make up for a terrible set (unless you were going minimalist, in which case it could work out rather well after all) or ugly costumes or too-dim lighting. But those other things could help make a production memorable when the acting didn’t.
There were so many ways to be memorable. You could be shocking and surprising. Like Issy was being. She would never forget this moment, in the dark movie theater, sitting with who was turning out to be her new ex-boyfriend. She watched his face, pale in the shadow she cast over him as her back faced the movie screen, still playing ads. That’s how early they’d gotten here. That’s how much time he had to tell her this news. It wasn’t revolting. It was just… surprising. She had nothing against homosexuality. No, nothing at all. It just sort of sucked that it had to be her best friend and her boyfriend who had kissed behind her back. She actually supported Knox in his sexuality. She wanted him to be happy. But… did he have to be happy like this? Did Issy have to choose her best friend? No, he hadn’t chosen Knox. The way she thought about love indicated that you never chose with whom you fell in love. You jsut did. You had no control over it, except to encourage or discourage your own feelings, and even that didn’t always work.
Maybe that was why she wasn’t very angry. At least, she wasn’t angry at him for having the feelings. She felt she had every right to be angry at him for acting on them, but that was just the other thing about love: it was blind, stupid, and impulsive. Was this even love? Issy hadn’t said he loved Knox. He’d just talked about the way he felt about him. That was just not specific at all. How much did he feel for her best friend? Was he in love? Was he in like? Was it just a crush? If it had really been an affection that had lasted years, it wasn’t a crush. A crush, by definition, lasted less than four months. Maybe he was crushing again. Maybe it was two separate crushes. It was incredibly unlikely, but it was possible, right? And you didn’t just forget if you were honestly in love with someone. That was just a little bit ridiculous. After all, love was a powerful thing even if you didn’t want to admit it. It was the sort of thing that could overwhelm a person, even if the person didn’t know what it was it. Love… love was the sort of thing that made you kiss someone even if you had a significant other.
Lust had that power, too, though, which was among the reasons that she was hesitant in simply assuming that Issy was in love with Knox. Lust was easier to explain. Lust make you want. It could emulate love, of course. It could feel like love. In a sense, it was love—love of the physical form, though. Love could include lust, too, and some relationships were more successful when it did. But lust was more destructive than love generally was. Lust was more likley to tear people apart when it ran rampant. Love didn’t really run rampant. Love was more serious. Love… could seem simple, but it was serious. It was the sort of thing linked two people and… well, marriage finally made sense to her.
Raine ran both her hands through her messy hair, wishing she knew what she was supposed to do. She didn’t know. She wished she knew. She wished he’d just tell her what he wanted her to do. She wished he would tell her what to do so they would both feel better, because she was pretty sure neither of them felt fantastic right now. That was why she had to agree to him and make a liar of herself. “I guess it isn’t. But it happened. And it’s not like a time machine exists. It’s not like you regret it for any reason but my sake. And… and I don’t think you should.” She squeezed his hand again. The honest liar spoke the truth. She didn’t want him to regret kissing Knox outside of the bad timing. She wanted him to be happy, remember? If kissing Knox made Issy happy, why should she deny him that (unless, of course, Knox didn’t want it, when she had a particular feeling he didn’t mind much either)? She was the troublemaker in this situation. She was the inconvenient piece. It was like they were playing chess, and she was the pawn. She was the piece that did little except sit there and be in the way of the bigger, more important pieces.
Man, that put things in perspective.
She didn’t feel the smile, or the smile that she placed on her lips. At least he was feeling better. She was starting to be cold. She leaned against him, putting her head on his shoulder, and watched the movement on the screen without paying much attention to it. She wouldn’t remember a single bit after the movie, if she even remembered the movie. She was tempted to leave, just so she could get out of here, just so she wouldn’t feel like she was suddenly being suffocated. She hugged herself, rubbing at her arms and wishing that the emotional freeze weren’t expanding to envelope her skin. “At least I keep you on your toes,” she murmured wryly, still not looking at him. When he mentioned her shoes, her gaze dropped to the boots. She pulled the heels onto the seat with her, forcing her knees against her chest. It only amplified the feeling of suffocation, but she felt more safe, somehow, in the ball-like form. “It’d take too much effort to get one of these boots off and on again. Remind me when I’m wearing sneakers. Or stilettos. I’ll stab you with them, if that’s what you really want.” Because that was all she was focusing on, wasn’t it?
It was, and that wasn’t a bad thing. She needed to stop focusing on herself. She needed to stop with the “I” and the “me” and the “my.” She needed to turn to “you” and “he” and “she.” She shook her head. It was time she focused on someone other than herself anyway. When he asked her that one question, she shook her head again, and went on to explain, “Love isn’t something that should ever require forgiveness. Just… just treat him well. And don’t let either of you break the other’s heart.” She didn’t want that. She knew how unlikely it was for a relationship like this for last very long. High school love ended in college, if not before then, and most people seemed to understand that, at least. College love ended at graduation, or was followed by a series of affairs if the love turned into marriage somehow. It was she, for one, wanted to avoid marriage as long as she could. Marriage only posed the ultimate heartbreak to her. |
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I swear its PG-13 and a cartoon~ it just has some implications :3 ;;