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Post by MONA FAITH LANDRY on Sept 24, 2012 16:13:30 GMT -5
 they took her to the hospital when she slipped into a coma. when pearl drove them all to see her, they were quiet because they knew what would happen. it had been months since she'd been diagnosed, the cancer progressive enough that even chemo might not have worked. and queenie hadn't wanted to take that chance. she didn't want to die pitifully, even more sick from the chemo than the actual disease would make her. she didn't want to go out like that. and so she decided to quietly succumb to it, while her children hadn't an idea what to do. she had said it was for the best, when she sat them all down to inform them of her decision. the eldest, though, because she tried to keep it very vague for sibill and brian. they didn't need to hear the gritty details, they had just been told that mommy was very sick and she would be leaving soon. there really was no way to prepare a child for the loss of their parent.
the entire time at the hospital, mona watched pearl. she would be the one in charge, the eldest would take the helm. she was old enough, but mona doubted her job as a waittress would cut it. max worked at timmies, but jeremy had yet to find a job and it was hard for mona to come by jobs at her age so she mostly babysat. the insurance would pay for a lot, but not everything. the big things, at least, the mortgage and the bills and emergencies. mona tried to think like this as she sat by her mother, jeremy and max on one bed and pearl in the chair next to her. she didn't think about the fact that soon enough the beeping would change into a line and her thoughts would become reality. she had months to prepare, but it had never gotten easier, even when she convinced herself that she'd be strong.
two trips to the bathroom, one candy bar from the vending machine, and a magazine later the nurse came in and unhooked the iv. if mona had been expecting more fanfare, more commotion, she would have been disappointed. everyone moved quietly, and the doctor came in to usher the family to the room that must have been for deaths, judging by the tissue box on the table. he told them what they already knew, how the disease had eaten away at her brain and that her case had been decided terminal. he then spoke of social workers and therapy and group sessions and mona wondered if any of her siblings were willing to go through that. it was clear already that they wouldn't be talking together. there would be no heartfelt conversation around the table with them swapping stories of their mother. it would only be quiet.
it wasn't until mona got into the car that she broke the silence. "drop me off at adam's," she said and though pearl didn't say anything, mona knew she'd heard. it hadn't hit her yet, what had happened two hours earlier. it didn't seem real yet, like it hadn't happened and she would go home, sleep, wake up and her mother would be smoking in the kitchen while reading the newspaper. her absence couldn't be noticed yet. but she knew that when she thought about it, realize all the things that would change, it would hit her. and even though she didn't want to, she started thinking about it during the drive. how she would never hear her mom sing musicals again. she'd never watch mona zap one of her siblings again and chuckle like an exceptional parent. and the smaller things. no more phone calls, no more frosted flakes in the pantry because she was the only one who ate them, no more planned trips to visit relatives.
and by the time pearl dropped her off, she was a bundle of nerves, taking about five seconds longer than it should have taken to open the car door. she was holding in the tears, knowing they were going to come and wanting to avoid it for as long as possible. she rapped on the door, hoping it would be adam who answered. she hadn't called to give him warning, she didn't even know if he was home or not. so when he opened the door she realized she hadn't prepared what to say. it was definitely not a visit where 'hello, how are you today, how about the weather?' seemed appropriate. "she died," mona said, searching his eyes. "my mom died. two hours ago." and she didn't know what to do from there so she wrapped her arms around his neck and decided now was a good time to cry. |
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Post by ADAM EVAN RIZZO on Sept 24, 2012 20:37:53 GMT -5
 
Ugh. Family. Adam had spent a majority of the evening arguing with Asher, which was nothing new by any means. It was always over the most ridiculous things too; tonight, it was about whether or not Adam should take over cleaning the dishes so Asher could get started on rotating laundry. Molly was at work and would not be home until late, so the older brother tried to take initiative to care for the house while she was making ends meet. The younger of the two had had different plans. The Wind stood in the doorway to the kitchen, lips pursed and--for once--looked truly angry. "Get your ass in the kitchen and do the dishes!" He demanded, pointing a stiff finger in the direction of the sink. Adam scowled darkly, shoulders tense. "Make me! You told mom you were going to do it, so why should you shove all your shit on me!" Asher eyes narrowed, a brush of wind making its way past Adam's face. The kid could act tough but honestly an elemental fight with his brother was bound to be fruitless. The kid could not even hold a flame steady for longer than a few seconds, let alone stand off against a twelfth grade Wind.
With a grunt, the boy did as he was told. He passed glares and grumbles in Asher's direction but did not say much more to his brother; his anger was slowly spilling over the rim and if he didn't watch it there would wind up being a fist fight. Luckily Asher did not say anything else to him either, which prevented him from becoming the instigator tonight. Finally, when the dishes were done, Adam plopped down on the couch. Asher passed by him without saying much of anything and heading straight for his room. That was the way it usually ended anyway. No surprise. Just as he was about to change the channel on the TV he heard a knock on the door. He was pretty sure his brother didn't even hear it; the music coming from upstairs was loud enough to drown it out. Thank fuck. "Coming," He said just loud enough for whoever it was on the other side to hear him. It was kind of late. Who would be stopping in for a visit anyway? Unless Molly forgot the house key again.
The minute he opened the door, however, Adam could only manage to blink a couple of times before managing to say anything. "...Mo? What are you..." Concern laced his features for a brief moment before it vanished again. His insides still squirmed though. Was everything okay? Her next words stunned him. There was no way for him to even formulate anything proper to say. The kid who always tried to have the last word was unable to say a word. It wasn't until she wrapped her arms around his neck and started to cry that he could even respond. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her waist. What the fuck do I do? "I...you need to get yourself together. This won't make things any better okay?" Yeah, because that was the best thing to say. Despite the words themselves his voice was uncharacteristically soft as he held her tight. He felt insanely protective over her. Please fucking stop crying...please... It was killing him and he was not sure how to help her. All of this was unfamiliar territory. Adam cleared his throat. "Come on, let's go to my room." No grumbling, no frustration. His tone was unreadable. He pulled away from her unwillingly and shut the door, then reached out and took her hand. He was definitely glad Asher was in his room.
Adam walked up the stairs and went in the opposite direction of his brother's room, waiting until Mona came in before shutting the door. He had yet to let go of her hand, even though he knows he should so she could sit down or...something. What the fuck was he supposed to say? What would change anything? Nothing. Nothing would change. He hated the feeling of helplessness. "You can...stay the night if you want," Adam offered lamely when he glanced at her, messing with his hair. "Mom won't be home until late and Asher is in his room, so it won't be a big deal." Then, after a moment of silence he turned and looked at her fully, searching her face with a surge of several emotions coursing through him. Those tears...he couldn't take them. He wanted to make them go away. "Are you uh...fuck. I'm not even going to ask if you're okay because that's such a lame ass question to ask right now." For once, Adam was not sure how to react. All he felt was sheer concern and uncertainty and protectiveness. He squeezed her hand instinctively, letting her know that he was there. Would continue to be there as long as she needed. Words were a bit difficult right now.
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Post by MONA FAITH LANDRY on Sept 25, 2012 19:23:40 GMT -5
mona couldn't remember the last time she cried. it had to be when she was younger, just a kid and still prone to her meltdowns. while she liked to think she was the strong one in her family, she think she deserved this. and all she needed was adam to be there. she didn't give him a choice in hugging her, of course not, she just decided for him. she was glad to feel his arms around her waist, something strong and reassuring and tangible. all she wanted to think about was how if she called him, he would answer the phone, if she knocked on his door he'd open and no matter what he'd still be there. but it was hard when her mind kept going back to the growing hollow, the emptiness left behind by her mother. before, she had never contemplated the various meanings of gone, but now she thought about all the definitions. no longer here. disappeared. vanished. "shut up," she said between sobs when he tried his hand at what must have been consolidation. it wasn't like she wanted to cry. no, if she had her choice she would have come over and shrugged and said, "she passed away. kind of depressed." and they could watch movies or something to pass the time. but she couldn't have her way with her emotions. when he pulled away and took her hand, she tried to wipe away her tears with the back of her shirt sleeve. it wasn't working because she kept crying and she should have been embarrassed doing this in front of adam but she didn't. he was her best friend and she needed him right now.
he offered for her to spend the night, and she nodded mutely. it took a few moments because she was still rubbing her eyes, smearing eyeliner and not giving a damn. "i don't want to go home," she said lamely, like she had the night she barely remembered when she had to stay with him to sleep off the drunkenness. it stayed the same. she didn't want to go to the place where they would all continue to separate themselves even while sleeping in the same house, to people who would deal with it in their own private worlds. usually that was how she dealt with problems, but she wanted to make a big deal out of this she wanted to talk but she knew she would get nowhere with them. staying with adam felt much better, and even now the sobs were slowing to shuddering breaths. from past experiences with crying and other people crying, however, she knew she would start up again soon, randomly and without a real reason.
she looked back at adam, dropping her hand from her face and sniffed a little. mona felt more drained than she had in years, and even while she tried to control herself, her breathing wouldn't stop hitching. now that she was a little more under control, she wished she could get even more under control. poor adam probably didn't know what to do. crying people were difficult to deal with. she handled her younger siblings just fine because those were easy problems, but when someone cried over something like this? mona knew she didn't need anything, any way for him to make it better except be there with her while she cried and breathed in that strange sobbing way. he even almost made her laugh with his words as he pointed out he shouldn't even ask if she's all right. but the smile withered even when he squeezed her hand, and realized that more tears had streamed down her face she wiped them away again. "i'm sorry," she said, laughing again but this time bitterly. "i mean -- shit, i've been preparing for this for months now. but...she was there. i could see her and talk to her and she was dying and now she's just..." she squeezed her eyes shut, reality once again horrifying her like it proved it could do only hours before.
she let go of his hand and sat on his bed, drawing her knees up to her chest so she could wrap her arms around her legs. she didn't remember that maybe she should remove her shoes. "fuck i don't know what to do," she said, and she knew adam wouldn't either but she just needed to say it. the more time she spent, the more time that passed without her mother around, the more she realized she was truly lost. she need that woman, she loved her, and...and now there was nothing. |
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Post by ADAM EVAN RIZZO on Sept 26, 2012 13:39:58 GMT -5
Adam felt incredibly out of his element right now; Mona was sobbing into his shoulder and the only thing he could do was hug her and stand there with nothing better to say than 'get over yourself'. It was that moment he realized that his insensitivity was bound to be the reason people never came to him in their times of need or when they were troubled. Not that he had many people around him in the first place. When Mona told him to shut up the boy did not even say a word. No hot retort, even though he briefly narrowed his eyes. It was deserved though. His attempt at being a supportive and consoling friend was a bit of a failure. It was better than having Molly and Asher lingering around them and asking questions at least. He did not want his friend to deal with that right now.
Once the door had been shut, Adam felt the weight on his chest shift. There was now no chance of Asher nosing in but at the same time it was just he and Mona. Nothing could distract him from what was happening right now. He swallowed. "You can stay as long as you want. Mom won't care." Molly was always an accommodating woman and liked most, if not all, of her son's friends. Even Adam's. He did not know how long Mona wanted to stay but he was pretty sure his mom would have no intentions of arguing. They had been friends for a long time and Adam did not really cherish anyone more than her aside from his family. Her staggered breath concerned him and a genuine frown creased his lips. What was he supposed to say now? Was there anything? Sorry was not going to cut it really, though maybe it was better than just standing there like a dumbfounded idiot whose words of consolation seemed shitty at best. Then, a small surge of frustration crested and he sighed, rolling his eyes. The tears still wrenched at his heart. "For Christ's sake," He said with as level a tone as he could manage. That was difficult. "There's nothing to apologize for, Mo. It's not like you caused any of this."
When she finished her explanation he instantly felt bad for getting upset but said nothing on the matter. Adam hardly apologized for his own misdeeds and shortcomings. Instead he released another sigh, this time more out of upset with himself. He used his free hand to hold her arm a little, searching her face. "Hey. It doesn't matter how long you prepare for anything, it won't change how you'll feel about the end result. Especially someone dying." Words of wisdom? Maybe, but to Adam it was attempt to let Mona know that all of this was normal. She responded the way almost everyone did when someone died, someone they cared about. He wondered how he would respond if the same happened to Molly; a face of stoicism could only be worn for so long before he broke down. The human body could only handle so much. He allowed her to break away from him and watched with a strange expression as she sat on the bed, curling up into what looked like an upwards fetal position. I want to help you. But it seemed most of his words failed and when he wanted to try consoling again Adam became unsure of how it would come out.
He hated uncertainty. He hated feeling helpless. He hated watching his best friend cry. Adam rubbed his temples for a minute before wandering over and sitting next to her. His fingers laced and unlaced themselves for a short time before her comment drew his attention towards her once again. "There's nothing to do right now." It was blunt and honest and inwardly the boy nearly cringed. Strike two. He wrapped an arm around Mona and rested his head on her shoulder, giving her an awkward pat on the opposite arm before going still. "I uh..." He tried to sort out what he wanted to say but no matter what way he put it the words would still mean the same. "I'm...sorry. You know me. I'm shit at stuff like this. If there's anything I can do, well, don't hesitate to ask." No matter how bad he was at this, Adam would give the shirt off his back for her. For anyone he deemed a close friend. "You can have my bed, I'll take the floor." He did not even make it a question or an offer.
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Post by MONA FAITH LANDRY on Sept 28, 2012 20:42:53 GMT -5
mona wished she could form a coherent sentence right then. she wished that she could actually see adam clearly instead of trying to blink away the tears. she eventually stopped in her efforts and just sniffled her and there, feeling like a child again. this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. she was the strong one, she should have been the one with her family, helping them through this. but here she was, at her best friend's place. pearl probably hated her. she had every right to. "all right," she said meekly, not contemplating how long she would stay. she'd stay forever if she could, but eventually there would be angry calls and she did not want to deal with that. even though her tears were doing a good job at muddying everything up, she could still see him rolling his eyes. adam was so comforting, it was amazing. she might have had something to tell him if she didn't feel like absolute shit, especially with her make-up running because fuck liquid eyeliner. even knowing how he usually was, she came to him. he was the only one he ever had. maybe most people would go to their family but that was the issue. she didn't really have one anymore. "yeah, well, sorry for crying in front of you. i hate it when people cry in front of me. not really an awesome thing of me to do but...you know..." she was about as good with words as him right now, continuously wiping them hard enough that she was sure they were turning red. she spoke honestly, though, and she hadn't expected much from him. mona just needed...this. she didn't know. was it catharsis? it made her feel better.
adam was right. he always seemed to be doing that, saying the truth. of course, it was usually in a dickish way. she supposed this was an exception, since he wasn't being particularly insensitive anymore. she didn't think she needed the sensitivity, though. she just needed someone to be around. "i guess i thought it would be...easier. knowing. not like i went to the social workers or anything, but we got to say our goodbyes. it doesn't feel like closure though." she felt like she was unloading all of her baggage on him, like she was opening up and giving everything she had. it was easier with him, and honestly he was the only person she would consider talking to like this. there used to be her mother. more tears dripped down, and her shoulders hitched. who would she go to anymore? her mother was...her mother. there was no way to replace her. pearl couldn't replace her. she didn't even like pearl. what could she even do about that, how was she going to cope?
she looked over at him, watched his fidgeting hands. "feels like it. but i know if i go home, everyone's going to be inside their rooms. and if i try to talk to them, they'll just say it's too soon or something." a family should have been better than this but hey, she supposed they really sucked and they'd both been sucking for a while now. she cried a little harder when adam put his arm around her shoulder, which might not have been a good sign to him, but it had nothing to do with being upset about it. she'd just let her thoughts go back to her mother, and clearly that did not have good results. "i know, you kind of suck," she said, though it was obvious she wasn't being serious. "i just wanted to talk to you, i guess. you're basically my only friend, soo..." god, she was pathetic. she rubbed her eyes again, then gave a sort of choking laugh. "damn right i'm getting the bed, i'm the crying one here." she did feel a little bad for commandeering his bed, but he would live. "okay, i really need to stop crying, so can we do something like, not depressing?" that would probably help, take her mind off everything. and what was better than hanging out with adam? |
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Post by ADAM EVAN RIZZO on Sept 29, 2012 20:37:26 GMT -5
Although tears made Adam feel incredibly awkward; he had no idea how to properly console people without coming off as calloused and insensitive, he was not going to stand there and judge his best friend for having an emotional break down. She had lost her mother and that had to have taken a toll. For him he could only try and comprehend what loss truly felt like. The only thing he lost in terms of death was a goldfish he won at a fair when he was in elementary school. Devastating for a kid his age but nothing like losing a parent. Still he did not really reflect any of his thoughts in his expression. "Well you won't have to worry about seeing me cry any time soon, so I think we're in the clear on that one." He reassured her, ignoring her apology. It was not necessary. "Besides, you have a legit reason for crying. It's not like you're sobbing over losing in sports or something." That would be ridiculous and Adam knew for a fact he would troll her for it.
He allowed his lips to dip into a deep frown as he listened. "I could've told you before hand it wouldn't be easy." One of the reasons he didn't was because the subject hardly rose to the surface of their conversations. Adam was not going to sit there and dig it up if Mona was not intent on talking about it. Not something like that. Then, he scoffed and gave his head a bit of a shake. "Closure doesn't exist," He stated flatly. "At least I don't think so. Not with every person that dies." There will always be guilt, the 'what-if's', the doubt. Seeing their cold, lifeless face would not really alter that. There was no actual experience to back up his words but he thought whatever he wanted to think. The closest thing he had to a dead parent was Collin and so far as he knew the man was still living and breathing behind bars. He's dead to me. And that was good enough for him.
Mona's scenario sounded rather ideal to him, someone who was not one to talk about his feelings or what was on his mind (unless it dealt with other people). Hiding away in his room was a good way to cope and sort through everything before trying to make attempts at socializing with the rest of the family. "Everyone deals with shit like this in their own way. You came over here to talk to me, and they went home to...sit in their rooms and do whatever it is they do to distract themselves." Not that he was really the ideal person to talk to about things like this but hey, can't blame a guy for trying. Adam furrowed his brows a little at her comment and gave her a deep grunt in response. I don't need confirmation. He already knew he sucked, and apologized. That was good enough in his book. His expression seemed to soften a titch but the kid still looked bothered. "I'm flattered, I guess. We should get you out and find you more friends." There was a faint smirk tacked on the corner of lips to show that he was just playing. If anything he needed to find more friends too, but that required traits he simply did not have.
He rolled his eyes and made a sort of disgruntled gurgle in his throat before pulling away from her. In an attempt to lighten the mood he wiggled his eyebrows and glanced at the bed suggestively. "Or we could always share it," He offered, winking. "I mean, I can get a few fake tears going if I have to." How long had it been since he actually cried? A long time. He was not intent on changing that any time soon. Her question placed him into a state of momentary silence as he thought; what was there to do? Adam glanced around his room to try and find something that would spark an idea of some sort. "Feel free to toss in any suggestions that you like. The best I got is music and video games." Because that was how he dealt with everything, usually.
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Post by MONA FAITH LANDRY on Oct 10, 2012 5:07:00 GMT -5
at this point, mona didn't give a fuck how she was supposed to be reacting. she had read pamphlets that the hospital had given to the kids, snorting at half of them. the stages of grief that she didn't know she was going through. it seemed ridiculous that there was any other way to do this than crying and throwing shit and wanting to curl up into a ball and just forget everything. because she knew tomorrow she would be the same, hating the world because it would keep going even without her mother, people would go about their business, doing what they had to do. meanwhile her sister would be planning their mother's funeral, and it wasn't fair to queenie. "yeah unless i...punched you in the nuts or something," she muttered about him not crying. that was the whole male macho thing, wasn't it? they stayed strong while women crumbled because that was just the manly thing to do. "still sucks. i hate crying. it makes me feel like i've been swimming a while." when all the chlorine got up your nose, and you just felt totally bedraggled. and ugly. and her hair was probably worse than usual, but this being adam, she didn't really care. he'd seen her worse, she bet. not emotionally worse. she had never been brought this low.
she gave pause, let out a shaking breath during that time. all she had to do was keep reminding herself to breathe, because while crying it was very hard to remember when bawling one's eyes out. "you could've, but i wouldn't have believed you." not because she did not trust him or take his opinion into count -- because she was too stubborn and instead of actually taking the steps to prepare she had completely shut herself off. she didn't know what the right thing to do was anymore, though. what to do. she was struggling, and she hated to be struggling, even admitting that she struggled. she was prideful, and she had always been a pillar. and then adam with his skepticism breached her thoughts with plain denial of what she yearned for most. "then what are we supposed to do after, adam?" she asked firmly, holding her hands out with her palms up, waiting for the answer to come to her. she stared at him with stormy, red-ringed eyes. "how the hell am i going to make it without the woman who raised me. how am i going to get through every day without feeling...this!? all of this! there has to be something because goddammit, this is bullshit." she took a breath. it was making her feel better. anger was catharsis, and she wasn't angry at adam. she was angry at her family, at her mother, at the world. and she was angry at herself, especially for opening up to her best friend in a way she hated baring herself. she felt naked and confused and it was just making her emotions more shitastic. exactly how i feel shitastic.
even though he was a dick, and he definitely should not been top on her list of people to run to in crisis, he did have his points. and really, he was the only one she could go to. and she didn't care that he couldn't treat her delicately, that he couldn't smooth back her hair and cuddle because there was no way ever that adam would do that. and she knew it. she just wanted him, his presence and the comfort of being around him. "they've been coping for the past eight months, the only time we've actually spoken is to argue about everything. i imagine that's going to get..." she took a deep breath as she felt more tears coming. "get so much better without..." mona breathed, tried to contain herself. she had enough tears today and she was completely exhausted. if there was a god of mercy, he would let her keep calm for all of ten seconds. she turned to look at her friend, saw the smile and shook her head though she can't help the smirk -- well, it was more of a grimace -- from crossing her face. "how can i do that, with my oh so obvious lack of an endearing personality?" she was trying to be funny but the rasp in her voice was reminder that she was a freaking mess.
mona's response to adam's teasing was...plain old mona. meaning she punched him -- lightly -- in the arm and rolled her eyes. "i do think i can get a few tears from you if i beat you to a pulp. we both know the stronger one here." it was working, his efforts to cheer her up. as cheery as she could be, but it was better than sobbing. much better than that. the thunder sighed at his answer. "you're such a guy," she mumbled, but she didn't mind. she slid down from his bed and started searching around his room. "what console do you have? and am i going to find anything in here that i would really rather not see." she was thinking along the lines of socks and lotion next to the bed or something. though incriminating and sordid details would be kind of hilarious to see. especially as she was moving her mind away from the matter at hand. |
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Post by ADAM EVAN RIZZO on Oct 10, 2012 15:39:21 GMT -5
He wanted to be sensitive. To place a hand on her shoulder, give her hand a reassuring squeeze that did not seem hesitant or lacking true consolation, but he was not hardwired to respond to trauma the way other people were. Maybe if he were in Mona's shoes things would be different. Adam was not interested in dwelling for too long on the fact that everyone died at some point, the fact that his own mother would one day pass away. The thought was unnerving at best and instead focused on the pain that his best friend could rain down on him if she acted on the urge to give him a swift kick in the balls. His expression mirrored the discomfort. "Well by all means, feel free to give me a nut-punch if it makes you feel better. I might not be able to have kids but it'll be worth it." The last comment was tinted with a bit of sarcasm but instead of clarifying he left it alone. Mona was falling apart and Adam would give anything to see the tears go away, no matter what his words or tone portrayed. "Do you honestly think anyone loves crying?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "I may not have a shitton of friends but I've never met a person who got giddy over tears." He sure as hell didn't.
There was a faint shrug to his shoulders, unperturbed by Mona's words. He was not the type to feel hurt over things like this. If she were to question his friendship or loyalty then his response would be entirely different. "Maybe not at the time you wouldn't have. I don't say things just to make people feel better and you know that." He lacked the ability to sugar coat. Sometimes he made an attempt but more often than not it came out harsh or uncaring. With Mona he did care and Adam prided himself on the fact that he tried. Sometimes he fell short like he did now and there were brief moments where he wished his tact actually existed. He did not have enough friends stored away to replace any should they be lost because of any comments he made. His lips parted to make a sort of reply, her hand movements drawing his eyes away from her face. They promptly retracted at her outburst, drawing into a thin line. "How the hell am I supposed to know, Mo? I'm not a therapist or some sort of magician that can fix these things. I wish I was but I'm not!" Now he was angry, nostrils outstretched as he exhaled slowly. He could feel his insides twisting up into a knot. It was not anger at Mona. It was fury at himself for not being able to help her more.
His shoulders promptly lowered themselves as he breathed. None of this is my fault. It's out of my control. I can't do anything. Normally that would have brought on the feelings of helplessness but for Adam it was consoling. To know that he was doing all he could for his friend. The catch in her sentence drew him from the thoughts rattling about in his head. "You're just going to have to harden yourself to it. Don't let them make you feel like any of it is your fault or treat you like shit." Adam did not want to catch wind of his best friend being talked down to by anyone, especially her family. Not that he could do much to make it stop if it started. "And if they do, you know where you can go to escape them." A subtle offer if there ever was one. Mona always had a place here, and he hoped that she knew that. At least she gave him some sort of attempt at a smile. "Yeah, your personality is pretty shitty. I can help you work on it though. I hold classes every Friday night." If anyone needed help with their issues, it was Adam so taking any advice from him could potentially do more harm than help.
The thump on the arm was not as strong as it could have been but even so he rubbed his arm and scrunched his nose to feign pain. There was a dry chuckle in his throat despite the agitated look on his face. "Yeah, go right ahead," Adam dared with a challenging gleam in his eyes, "Go on and try to beat me up. We'll see who winds up the crying pussy in this relationship." He was an equal opportunity kind of guy. If the girl hit first, he would hit back without a moment's hesitation. Of course right now he was just glad to see Mona being playful with him. It meant that--shockingly--his means of taking her mind off of things was working a little bit. But hey, she was right; he was a guy through and through. There was no denying the anatomy and the mind-set. He just gave her a cheesy sort of smile and watched as she started to drift around the room. "PS3," Adam stated simply, pointing at the console on the wall opposite his bed. "I did have an Xbox but Asher decided to take ownership of it. The asshole." He flopped back on the bed and turned on the TV, some random show flipping up on the screen. "Keep looking and you just might. You're so goddamn nosy, Mo. Don't you know what privacy is?" If the worst thing she found were a couple of Playboy magazines then he was doing pretty well.
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Post by MONA FAITH LANDRY on Oct 17, 2012 20:06:40 GMT -5
mona wanted to go back to how she used to be, completely self-assured and confident. no doubts, no worries about any of her family dying because she would protect them and that was that. nothing bad happened then because she wouldn't make them happen. but now she was this sack of complete vulnerability, unable to control her emotions, emotional baggage for adam to deal with. she was pathetic, and she hated herself, but not as much as she hated everything else. not as much as she hated every little thing because she was allowed to when the world took her mother away. "i think one of us crying is good enough for now," she said, and she hoped that it was a sign of strength that she could actually swallow her pride and say yeah, she was crying, what of it? but it still felt terrible, and she still felt like she was being a burden to adam who surely wasn't expecting this tonight. "some people do it enough that it seems like it," she said, always having an answer for everything because she was mona know-it-all. "i think that's probably what a social worker would be saying, tears are good, let it all out, blah blah fucking blah..." she didn't believe in that, going to someone who was there because they got paid a lot of money for being a doctor. because as much as they claimed they cared, how could they really understand unless they'd been through exactly the same thing?
she smirked a little at his words, shaking her head. no matter what, adam was still adam. there was something reassuring about that. "that is so painfully obvious." she imagined that if she scraped a knee or something he'd tell her to walk it off, don't be a pussy. not that she would even be whining in the first place, because a scraped knee definitely did not hurt as much as a dead mom. adam was angry, of course he was, did he have many other emotions other than sarcastic and pissed? she didn't know if she ever saw them. she shook her head, even the movement bitter. "i'm not asking you," she said flatly. she really supposed she was speaking to no one in particular, asking god or gods or whatever the fuck there was that could hear her cries. "it's fucking obvious that no one knows." people pretended they did, offered help in the form of paid sessions only to say that what she was feeling was completely natural, expected. she didn't want that. she wanted guidance, because for once in her life she did not know how to take charge or what to do. she had no clue about any of this, and it was killing her.
mona clenched her hands together on her lap, playing with the fabric of her pants. she felt like a trailer park just hit by a tornado or homes uprooted in a flood. she was a victim of a natural disaster, but no one ever thought of death that way. it was too accurate, though. nature took her mother away, and though she knew no one else would feel the hurt as much as her loved ones did, it was still a disaster. "yeah, i do," she replied when he said she knew where to go when her family was being jerks. "i guess...pearl's going to do pretty good taking care of us. i hope." she sighed plaintively. she wanted to get the sadness over with, wanted to empty it out and she wanted to grin at adam because she really had changed too much. she never grinned anymore, and it was a feeling she missed, but she still didn't think she could do so when she'd emptied herself of every liquid. she was probably only about forty-percent water now. "i'm not sure i want to take personality lessons from you, oh mr. douche." and realizing just how abusive friendships were, maybe she wouldn't want more. not that they were ever serious about being dicks to each other.
even though he was a jerk half the time, he was doing a good job at not directly cheering her up. quality time with her best friend really was the best thing for her. "ohhhh, do you have those like sock 'em bop 'ems or whatever? those things are the funnest." the big "punching gloves" had been a very large part of her childhood because queenie knew it was better to give them that than to let them throw punches with their bare hands. that was pretty good parenting. and thinking about it just made mona's heart hurt more, and she started taking deep breaths again. she knew adam wouldn't really understand why she was doing all that, but hopefully she got a lot of leeway in his eyes for being emotionally compromised. "we can go mission impossible and steal it back from him," the thunder girl said about the xbox. it sounded like a good idea, but only if asher wasn't around or was asleep. "i grew up with five siblings, privacy is a myth. like nessie or the effectiveness out of shamwow." figuring that she could at least go through his games, she picked one out and messed around with the ps3 before scrunching her nose. "i don't know how to work your tv, bro." every one's was different, she'd come to find when trying to hook them up to dvd players and namco systems.
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Post by ADAM EVAN RIZZO on Oct 19, 2012 13:51:45 GMT -5
There were times when Adam wanted to remove the 'emotional range of a teaspoon' description from his name but he wondered if maybe it was for the better. Mona was right; more than one sobbing mess would be too much and then no progress towards cheering her up could be made. Not that his attempts were doing much good so far. He shrugged and nodded silently in agreement, not quite sure what to say. Tonight he wanted to walk on glass and be more consoling but it was like his brain shorted out whenever he managed to concoct a soft response in his head. Maybe giving an answer in silence could sometimes be beneficial. Mona was never really a burden though. He was unaware that she felt that way and so he could not let her know that helping her was not an issue. "I guess attention whores like to sob over everything. Drama queens. You know, people who think they are the center of the fucking universe." He hated sally sob stories, the ones that were overly dramatic and were merely to gain the attention of the people around them. Mona's story was real, and Adam did not feel any inkling of frustration or anger towards her for crying. "I don't know if I can agree with them on that one," He commented simply. Crying always made him feel weird and he did not like that other people could poke fun or use it against him in some way. That was counter-productive, in his opinion.
"It's either that or I make everything sound like puppies and rainbows when everyone knows that's complete bullshit," Adam narrowed his eyes and glanced away from her for a moment, staring at the wall closest to the head of his bed. Why would he try and give someone a silver lining when it was so obvious that one did not exist? Better to rip the band-aid off in one swift movement than slowly peel it back and prolong the pain and discomfort. The anger he felt tightening in his chest was not unfamiliar but this time it was mixed with feelings of helplessness. It helped to know that he, in fact, could not do anything to solve Mona's problems but at the same time she was his best friend. Naturally he wanted to wipe it all away. With a low grumble, he said, "You know that I'm always here for you," His words might not be gentle or soft but he did care. "I'll try my best to help with whatever I can." Even if it was just a day doing nothing but video games or going out to eat or watching TV, he did not care. At least Mona knew that the Rizzo home was always open to her should she be in need of sanctuary. "She better." Was all Adam had to say on that matter. His family might drive him crazy but from what he could tell Mona had a heavy burden to bear, even if her sister did attempt to take on the motherly role. He gave her a dry, humorless laugh at the 'Mr. Douche' label and passed her a glare before rolling his eyes. Sadly, even he knew that she was right.
The partial frown and furrowed brows portrayed his obvious confusion. "What the fuck are those?" He asked, blinking. The small array of toys he had growing up did not involve Sock 'Em Whatsits, at least not that he could remember. Now he tried to think back and remember if he had anything with a name like that. Nothing came to mind. He took notice of her deep breathing but did not point it out; that might make things worse. He really did suck at being sensitive. "No, I don't think that would work," He shook his head and looked towards his closed door as though Asher could potentially be standing on the other side right now, listening in on their conversation. "He would figure out it was me and then he would try to fight and I'd have to kick his ass and it wouldn't be pretty." He puffed out his chest and tried to look confident, but he knew Asher could beat him into the ground in five seconds flat with his hands tied behind his back. Adam was a scrapper and knew how to hold his own but Asher knew how he fought. It was too easy. But once again Mona was right; privacy did not really exist. "It's already hooked up, I just gotta change the channel." He clicked the button once and the PS3 main screen magically appeared. He gestured to the controllers. "Pick a controller, any controller. What game are we playing?" He had a lot of first person shooters, which was really no surprise. The MMO's did not capture his attention quite as well. He took his own controller and scooted over on the bed so she could join him. "Loser has to do the other person's homework for a week," He tossed the bet out there with a smile.
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Post by MONA FAITH LANDRY on Oct 19, 2012 16:43:23 GMT -5
for all his ineptitude at consolation, adam was at least doing a better job than her own siblings. they were the ones who should have been with her right now, but they had been barely present in her life during the past months. what would make her think they'd be present at zero hour? even when she was blaming the world for her problems and being angry and dramatic herself, she didn't consider herself one of those people who overreacted to everything. for a while she'd been underreacting to life in general. she could barely remember what she'd been like before, when she and her siblings would hang out in the woods being regular delinquents, stole things from grocery stores to prove who was the biggest badass, messing around with each other like kids did. there was an ache in her chest when she thought about that. "no matter what it's happening and you know what, fuck it. i can cry if i want to." she sniffed, made a show of drawing her shoulders up and squaring them off. trying to make herself feel brave. it didn't work. she felt pathetic as ever, more pathetic than ever, even. and it didn't feel like it was getting better. only a little bit, by the simple fact that adam's company was the best thing she had. it was what helped her the most, the fact that she had at least one friend. and what would she have done had she no one to go to when her mother passed on? where would she have turned? she realized how much worse it could have been, but then remembered just how bad it was and her throat closed up and she hoped this would only be for the night. she didn't want to break out in tears every time she thought of her mother, and yet somehow, she predicted that would be what happened.
but then her shoulders slumped. it took too much effort to be strong right now, it wasn't working out well for her. she felt like a little kid, but instead of sobbing over her goldfish it was the woman who had given her life, who had tried her damn best to raise her right and in her last months of life mona realized how horrible of a daughter she had been. she was so selfish, trying to grow up quickly just to make up for the lack of responsibility, and queenie had to watch her be the opposite of what she wanted in a daughter. a responsible young girl who took care of her family, the girl mona used to be. she shrugged. "it might help some people. maybe they want to live in a fantasy land. i've always been a realist, though." that was too true, she didn't call herself cynical or a pessimist. it was realism, and that should have braced her for the death, at least. that was something that should have cushioned the fall. a tiny smile worked its ways to her lips when adam was compassionate, though. "y-yeah, you've always been there before. why I keep you around, you're good for morale." her smile was truly wry, but she meant it. and she wondered, could she return the words? she never thought she could describe herself as loyal, she had abandoned too many friends for that. but this was her best friend, and he'd stuck by her has long as she knew him. "same goes for me. i may not be the best friend to have but you know, i try." sometimes she did, and sometimes it worked out. she didn't have too many old friends, not any at all.
mona practically gasped, and for some reason adam's words made her feel like crying again. she was just too emotional, even while trying to forget what just happened. it wasn't working all too well. "you had no childhood, adam. they're like the big boxing gloves or something. i don't know if they even sell them anymore, but...whoa." she blinked and shook her head. he figured that he and asher might have played around with them when they were younger, but apparently she was in a bubble where everyone had sock 'em bop 'em. "normally i'd say 'haha shut up' but like, i always figured that wind would always kind of help fire, you know?" she was a thunder so she had control over electricity and she didn't have any winds in her family for her siblings to fight with. just fires and thunders. thinking of it, they weren't really good combinations. "tv's are weird," she mumbled when adam got the actual screen up for the ps3. for a moment she considered washing her face off in the bathroom before trying to play the game, but she didn't want to leave adam's company right now. she picked a random controller, not having a preference, and said, "i will be kicking your ass in splinter cell, get yourself ready." she didn't play enough video games to be completely confident, but she liked to talk big. she figured that she would only pretend to be bad at it if she were flirting with adam and giggling and button mashing. "i hope you know how to draw faces, a-man, because i have an art project." she had played splinter cell a few times, at least, but she didn't think she'd ever played this version.
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Post by ADAM EVAN RIZZO on Oct 20, 2012 16:02:08 GMT -5
When Mona accepted the fact that she was going to cry and shedding tears was not going to bother her, Adam clapped a hand on her shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze. He envied the fact that she could accept something like that, the fact that she was showing her vulnerability. Even though it was (for the moment) for an audience of one he still was not sure if he could allow himself to break down in front of any witness. Or maybe he could. He never really dealt with any sort of trauma like his best friend had. Hopefully I won't. Unfortunately death was inevitable. "Good thing, too. Otherwise You'd probably be really angry with me right now." Her realism saved Adam from having to force positive comments when they were futile. Most people saw realists as pessimists, the negativity of the world, when in truth they were simply calling it as they saw it. Life had it's bright moments but they were not without shadows. He returned a small smile and gave her a gentle nudge at her comment. "I'm pretty good at boosting people up, yep. It's a talent." Adam agreed, trying not to feel that small tugging at his heart. It was nice to know he meant something to someone, especially the one person who had been around the longest. Even through his flare-ups and attitude she was always there.
"What are you talking about?" He drew his head back and allowed his eyes to scan her face as though he was seeing her for the first time. "You don't have to try. I'm picky about my friends. If you weren't epic I wouldn't even grace you with my presence right now." He crossed his arms and huffed before smirking. Picky, yes, but he managed to scare a lot of potential friends off anyway. He didn't mind a small circle of close friends with a larger group of acquaintances on the outside. Her gasp caused him to blink and his smirk faded. "I had a perfectly good childhood. Just because I didn't have stupid boxing gloves doesn't mean I was deprived." It bothered him that he did miss out but he was not going to let Mona know this. His childhood was certainly not all it was cracked up to be. He wondered if he would ever talk to Mona about all of it one day. "Hmm. Probably? I never really thought about it." Did Wind actually enable Fire? If so, did that give him an elemental advantage over his own brother? He would have to test that one day when he had more control of his element.
Video games were a comfort zone at least, something he could talk about and it distracted Mona from her problems (at least he hoped so) for a little while. He laughed. "You? Kick my ass? Come on seriously you're full of shit." And now it was time for Adam to act overconfident in his gaming skills as always. Annabel was probably the only person who ever managed to put him in his place but he would not admit losing to a girl. "I'm a regular Picasso. But I hope you're good with numbers because I have math homework due tomorrow that I haven't even started yet." He did care if he won or not (being competitive as he was) but if his friend could manage a decent sleep tonight he would be content.
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